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00:00Are you reeling in the years? Stowing away the time? Are you gathering at the tears? Have you had enough of mine?
00:18Hello and welcome to Annually Retentive. I'm Rob Brydon and I'm your host for this brand new comedy panel show
00:28in which we travel back through time to look at the news, the views, the people, the places and the landmark events
00:34that made the headlines in a particular year gone by. Politics, current affairs, sport, world news, births, deaths, marriages, trends, gossip, fashion, you name it.
00:45If it happened in the last 100 years, it could well come up tonight.
00:49Let's look to our Annually Retentive Random Generator to find out which year we'll be revisiting tonight.
00:56Oh, 1997, that's a shock from memory.
01:02It was the year that we sadly said goodbye to Princess Diana and Mother Teresa.
01:07We said hello to the wobbly pictures and wobbling body parts on Channel 5
01:11and said hello to the Teletubbies.
01:15And of course, we said a big hello to a new Labour government.
01:19Joining me to compete in this battle of wits and wisdom are our two resident team captains.
01:24For the Tony Blairs, on my left, our captain is author, broadcaster, columnist and English rose.
01:31Jane Moore.
01:39For the John Majors, on my right.
01:43I haven't heard that for a while, have you?
01:44For the John Majors, on my right, the captain is comedian, king of the Google Whack.
01:50And, all right, another English rose.
01:52Dave Gorman.
01:58Jane's spin doctors tonight, a stand-up comedian and winner of Test the Nation, no less, is Lucy Porter.
02:03And, comedy writer, actor and thinking woman's crumpet, David Mitchell.
02:17Now, Dave Gorman's frontbenchers are lad mag, puppet, TV presenter and, no relation to Lucy, it's Gail Porter.
02:25And, a man of many hats, he's a DJ, a film critic and, how many of us can say, he's an ex-Blue Peter presenter, Richard Bacon.
02:40Welcome to you all.
02:43Now, teens, before we rush headlong into our year, 1997, I'm going to just get you into the 97 groove by showing you a photograph from that year, okay?
02:55And then I'm going to give you the whole of the show to come up with a good caption for it, okay?
02:59No pressure with this one, but just be thinking about it.
03:02You know, if the show dips at any moment, okay, and you're thinking about sandwiches, don't.
03:06Think about the picture.
03:08Now, Jane, David and Lucy, here's your photo from 1997.
03:13No prizes for guessing who that is.
03:16Have a little think about that.
03:18Dave, Gail and Richard, here's your photo from 1997.
03:22Have a look at that.
03:23We'll be coming back at the end of the show and asking you for some funny captions for that.
03:27It does feel a bit like this has already been decided.
03:30It's 1997, the year in which John Major lost his government and Tony Blair was swept to power.
03:36And you've already called that team the Tony Blairs and my team the John Major.
03:39I think somebody's already made a decision about who's winning this.
03:42It's 1997, we're fated to lose.
03:44Oh.
03:46Oh.
03:48Carry on, carry on.
03:49We'll just try and rewrite history.
03:52He does have a point, though.
03:55We'll do what we can to redress the balance.
03:58Let's kick off with a round we call headlines.
04:00I'm going to show the team's genuine newspaper headlines from tonight's year, 1997.
04:04We've blanked out key words, OK, and the teams have to fill in the blanks.
04:09Jane, Lucy, David, here's your headline.
04:11What could be the missing words here?
04:14And bear in mind the photograph, OK, is just an illustration.
04:17It doesn't necessarily relate to the headline.
04:20So there's not necessarily a guitar.
04:22Blair struggles to sell two Bristol flats.
04:26Oh, very good.
04:27Yes, yes, yes, very good.
04:28It was before we knew about his estate agency, though, wasn't it?
04:32Yes.
04:33We didn't know he worked for Foxton's, then.
04:36Blair...
04:36Sorry, after you.
04:37Blair, you go first.
04:38Oh, no, no, but...
04:39Someone.
04:40Oh, no, no, no, no.
04:41It's like a first date, isn't it?
04:45Blair struggles to sell party downriver.
04:49What I'm doing there is I'm satirising some people's view of new Labour.
04:53In some way, it's undermined the values of old Labour.
04:56Massively electorally unsuccessful, though they were.
04:58I'm just glad you've said it out loud and we didn't have to read your thoughts.
05:02Oh, yeah.
05:04And any more, any more for that one?
05:06Is it Blair struggles to sell naked pictures of wife?
05:10Well...
05:11Does that mean?
05:11Is that mean?
05:12I mean, there's a market out there for them, surely?
05:14I don't think there's any reason to infer that that's because she's unattractive.
05:18He probably just doesn't know the marketplace for nude pictures.
05:21He hasn't got the contacts.
05:23Porn is a complex industry, you know, it's all about contacts.
05:27You've got to know which website to go to, Dave, haven't you?
05:29Yes.
05:29That's something I've learnt from you.
05:32Is this actually to do with one of the many polls that were wrong at the time in 97?
05:37Is it something like Blair struggles to sell himself to the electorate or something like that?
05:41No.
05:41And struggles to sell fake, relaxed home life.
05:45That's very good.
05:48It's none of these.
05:50It's quite a serious political matter we're talking about here.
05:52Blair struggles to sell life-size R2-D2 hidden under tabletop.
05:57What?
05:58With a picture on top.
05:59What?
05:59I was just thinking there's just about room for a life-size R2-D2 under that...
06:02I mean, why else have the drape around the edge?
06:05Blair struggles to sell life-size Margaret Thatcher stalker in the back.
06:09Oh, yeah, that's very good.
06:10She's not meant to be there, no.
06:11You're on the right lines with R2-D2.
06:16It's actually...
06:17Man struggles to sell arms to Iraq.
06:21Well, you're getting closer there.
06:24The correct answer is Blair struggles to sell new IRA ceasefire.
06:29OK, so the R2-D2 thing, yes?
06:33This headline comes from 20th of July, 1997.
06:36I was closer in that Iraq has a queue on the end of IRA.
06:41Oh, my God!
06:43If you could have just stopped short of Iraq, you'd have been there.
06:48And done it in capital letters.
06:50Yeah.
06:51This headline comes from 20th of July, 1997,
06:55when an IRA ceasefire officially began
06:58in an atmosphere of determination rather than celebration.
07:00It was one of the first major political events
07:03that the then-new Prime Minister, Tony Blair, found himself dealing with.
07:07If only he knew what was to come.
07:10For a bonus point, can anybody tell me
07:12what Tony Blair and Sinn Féin leader Jerry Adams did
07:15for the first time ever in...
07:18Yes?
07:18Shook hands.
07:19Is the right answer.
07:20Well done, Jane Moore.
07:22Yeah?
07:23I know, I was going to say conkers.
07:25You see?
07:26You see that?
07:27I did, I saw it, yes.
07:28That's what you should be doing.
07:29Well, they beat us at the buzzer, but we had the wrong answer anyway.
07:31What were you going to say?
07:32Conkers.
07:34Yeah, OK.
07:36They shook hands.
07:38Blair was the first Prime Minister to make such a gesture
07:41since, uh, Shinch.
07:44Thank you very much.
07:46They shook hands.
07:47Blair was the first Prime Minister to make such a gesture.
07:50Jester?
07:54I got caught in that one, didn't I?
07:57Caught, jester.
07:58OK.
08:00They shook hands.
08:01Blair was the first Prime Minister to make such a gesture
08:03since David Lloyd George did the same thing
08:05with Michael Collins in the 1920s.
08:07Of course, Michael Collins was played by Liam Neeson
08:10who was Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars,
08:12which begs the question,
08:13when are the IRA going to be the first Prime Minister?
08:15Do you want me to come and do it for you?
08:16No, it's...
08:17No, it's one of my few guaranteed laughs of the evening.
08:21Not anymore.
08:24Yeah, they shook hands.
08:26Blair was the first Prime Minister to make such a gesture
08:28since David Lloyd George did the same thing
08:31with Michael Collins in the 1920s.
08:33Of course, Michael Collins was played by Liam Neeson
08:35who was Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars,
08:37which begs the question,
08:39when are the IRA going to decommission their lightsabers?
08:41Dave...
08:43Oh, if that's the level of humour,
08:50we're in for a good night.
08:52Dave, Gail and Richard.
08:55Dave, Gail and Richard.
09:00It's not as easy as it looks.
09:03Here is your headline.
09:04What could the missing words be?
09:07So we've got...
09:07Now, we know what that is.
09:08Anybody can tell what that is?
09:09Yes, it's the...
09:10Hong Kong.
09:11Hong Kong handover.
09:11British blank, blank, blank, blank, Chinese.
09:14British prefer curries to a Chinese.
09:18That may be true, but it's not...
09:19I remember the survey.
09:20It happened in 97.
09:22What would it have been?
09:24There's Prince Charles.
09:26And, of course, we now know
09:27that he wasn't at all happy, was he there?
09:30No.
09:31Oh, the wax works.
09:32Not that he looks that pleased in the picture,
09:34but we know...
09:35There's Philip Seymour Hoffman along to the right there.
09:37There's Chris Patton in the middle, isn't it?
09:39Yes.
09:40Do you know what his middle name is, Chris Patton?
09:42No.
09:42Cross.
09:43It's Cross Patton.
09:45You're right, too.
09:47It's absolutely true.
09:49Really?
09:49No, not really, Rob.
09:51You're making it up?
09:52Yes, I was making it up.
09:55Less funny, then, I think, if it was not true.
09:57British tried to sell life-sized poster of Margaret Thatcher
10:01to the Chinese.
10:02No, the life-sized poster of Margaret Thatcher
10:04is merely the border for the photograph, Jane,
10:07and if you're going to say this every time, you know...
10:10British wisely keep Prince Philip away from the...
10:13British hand Hong Kong back to...
10:19Hong Kong's in there.
10:21British hand over...
10:22All right, here we go.
10:23Here's what it...
10:24Here's what it...
10:24We've made you laugh.
10:25We went out what the points.
10:28British return Hong Kong to Chinese.
10:31And I think you...
10:32We've got that.
10:33Well done.
10:34Well done today, Rob.
10:35Come on.
10:36Yes, at midnight on July 1st, 1997, which is quite late,
10:45after 150 years, the British officially...
10:49There must have been quite a few of them going,
10:51oh, it's a bit late.
10:53Couldn't they have done it at seven?
10:55The British officially handed rule of Hong Kong back to China.
10:59Bonus point, up for grabs.
11:00Can anybody tell me what the Chinese government's representative said
11:05when he took back the island?
11:07Thanks.
11:08Thanks, yes.
11:09Well, if he were polite, he would.
11:12Oh.
11:12He said, ooh, I thought they'd never leave.
11:16And it's midnight as well.
11:19What did the Chinese government representative say?
11:23Any ideas?
11:25About time, too.
11:26Well, in a way, it was that.
11:28What he actually said was, Hong Kong and China are whole again.
11:33Whole again.
11:34Whole again.
11:36Who sung whole again?
11:37The Atomic Kittens.
11:38The Atomic Kittens, yeah.
11:39Were they involved?
11:39We'll never know.
11:42At the end of that very exciting round,
11:45it's not just my opinion, listen to the audience,
11:47I'm going to give Jane, Lucy and David two points,
11:51and I'm going to give Dave, Gail and Richard but one point.
11:55APPLAUSE
11:56Like angry truckers blockading French ports, we lay seeds to the next round, which is called
12:12Whose News Is It Anyway?
12:14This round is an acting challenge to our teams.
12:17Two players on each team have to reenact a new story from 1997.
12:21Their teammate has to guess what the story was.
12:24Jane and David, I'm going to start with you.
12:27David, you are an actor, so we are expecting really good things,
12:31and you will have to externalise it, OK?
12:33No just thinking what you're saying.
12:36I wonder how many times I can do that joke tonight.
12:40I'm sure you'll find out.
12:41Can you, guys, can you come forward a little bit?
12:48I'm just wondering, you can be able to like this.
12:49We're just having a moment of silent planning.
12:51Can you be, is that strong enough, do you think?
12:53Whoa, steady on.
12:56If we'd wanted Michael Barrymore, we'd have invited him.
12:59Just imagine I'm on here, my knees are on here as well.
13:02OK, right.
13:04Oh, meh!
13:06Nothing to do with whales.
13:07Yeah, no, I wasn't going to make any jokes about Rob getting excited or anything like that.
13:11Because that would be cheap and wrong.
13:13A little slide where you just have.
13:14Yeah, do you know?
13:16Best of a for her.
13:17And then, imagine I'm still there doing that, and then...
13:20Excuse me, excuse me.
13:21Could you act it out like a film?
13:23Don't explain it.
13:25We want a filmic recreation.
13:27I was feeling a bit out of it there, actually.
13:30It wasn't science of the lambs was released.
13:32No, no, that wasn't it.
13:33No, it's a news story, Lucy.
13:35News story.
13:36Yeah.
13:37Oh, news, OK.
13:38So it's like, part one.
13:40OK.
13:40The film.
13:40Don't explain it.
13:41Act it.
13:45You've got a tiny thing.
13:47Oh, boffin.
13:48Right, OK.
13:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:50Yeah.
13:50No, this is give us a clue.
13:52Act it out.
13:54You'll be doing this next.
13:56I am acting it out, but I haven't got any stuff.
13:59Well, mine it.
14:00I was miming it.
14:02That's miming it.
14:03That was a test tube.
14:04Yeah.
14:05Can I just say, I'll be expecting a better standard from you.
14:08I think I know what it is, but I just want to see you around for more.
14:11I want to see them make more of an effort.
14:14I was making an enormous effort.
14:17I mean, it was bollocks, but I was making an enormous effort.
14:19So, I'll talk more.
14:23Oh, dear, oh, dear.
14:24The life of a scientist is...
14:25Exactly, that's all you want.
14:27Here I am in the lab.
14:28I'm in love with a woman, but I never speak about it at work.
14:32Anyway, on to the job.
14:34Let's have a look in the microscope.
14:35Oh, there's a tiny thing there.
14:36Lucy Porter.
14:37What is it?
14:38Months later.
14:38I think it might be Dolly the Cloned Sheep.
14:41Yeah.
14:42She's the right answer.
14:48Yes.
14:50After that beautiful, evocative retelling of the story, it was...
14:54I made it very real.
14:56You did make it.
14:56I brought a bit of human drama in there.
14:58Yeah.
14:58That guy was going to kill himself later on.
15:01We never got to that point.
15:02It's a bit of a shame.
15:03You were like a young Robert Hardy.
15:05No such thing, actually.
15:06He's been the same age forever.
15:07Scientific anomaly.
15:11The answer we were looking for was indeed Dolly the Sheep is cloned.
15:16Do you know, my mouth is actually hurting from smiling at what you've been doing.
15:20There you are.
15:22Or is it grimacing?
15:24No, it wasn't grimacing.
15:25I was smiling.
15:26Dolly the Sheep is cloned.
15:27On the 14th of February in 1997, scientists officially unveiled Dolly the Cloned Sheep to the world.
15:33For a bonus point, can anybody tell me who was the inspiration for Dolly's name?
15:36Yes, Dave.
15:37It's not the answer to the question.
15:38I'm just thinking, what a weird fucking Valentine's gift that was.
15:4214th of February, 1997.
15:43I've got you a sheep just like your other sheep.
15:47Happy Valentine's Day, darling.
15:48It's a nice nice day.
15:49Money Potter.
15:50Yes, well done, Dave Gorman.
15:55I'll happily take the point.
15:57It must be the beard.
15:58No, no, you are always looking for Dave Gorman.
16:00I may have found you another one here.
16:02It's not that several years ago.
16:04Don't encourage you to believe that I am.
16:06It's naughty.
16:06Jay Moore, it's the right answer.
16:08Well done.
16:09Well done.
16:14Dolly was apparently named after the country western star Dolly Parton because scientists
16:19created her from a cell taken from a mammary gland.
16:23It seems like a phenomenally pointless exercise, cloning a sheep, because all sheep look like
16:29one another in the first place.
16:31How would you know?
16:32Racist.
16:33They all look the same to me, Nathan.
16:39That's why he's a late night shop.
16:40How would you know?
16:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:43How would you know which was the clone sheep?
16:45It does sound like the start to one of his phone-ins, doesn't it?
16:47To be said.
16:48But the sheep themselves, you're saying, would be very much aware that this sheep's identical.
16:53So while humans see sheep and they all look the same, the sheep recognise the differences.
16:58So the sheep are really freaked out.
17:00Sheep are bloody hell.
17:01Those are two identical sheep.
17:02That's not twins.
17:03Spitting images.
17:04We're sheep anyway.
17:05We're scared in general.
17:07And now we've seen two identical.
17:08We're seeing double.
17:09And once one of them.
17:10We're drunk.
17:11We have no concept of alcohol, and yet we know we're drunk.
17:14Once one of them is scared, of course, the others will all follow suit.
17:17They're sheep.
17:18What else can they do?
17:18They're sheep, and they're also like sheep.
17:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:23They're very like sheep.
17:25Especially the clone ones.
17:26Yeah.
17:26If there's one thing you can say about any sheep, they're so like sheep.
17:29Specifically, so like one other sheep.
17:32Like sheep singular.
17:34But how...
17:34Which should be shoop.
17:37Like shoop.
17:38The clone sheep is like shoop.
17:40Sheep in general are just like sheep.
17:42So was Cher's song, the shoop-shoop song, about two clone sheep?
17:46Yes, yes, yes, yes.
17:48Was it, does he love me?
17:51Was it that?
17:52I don't know.
17:53Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
17:55It was indeed Dolly the sheep, and cloned from...
17:59I'm sliding.
18:00I don't mean to.
18:02Cloned from a cell taken from a mammary gland.
18:04For any ABC3s watching, that's a breast.
18:07It wasn't one of Dolly Parton's mammary glands, it wasn't.
18:10No, it wasn't.
18:10Dolly wasn't...
18:11Because I haven't even put those on eBay yet, so...
18:13She could clone a whole flock.
18:16So they wouldn't be sheep.
18:17They'd be country and western singers.
18:19Yeah.
18:19So they'd be crying sheep.
18:22Yeah.
18:22Useless for wool.
18:25All right.
18:26Gay and Dave, you are going to be re-enacting a landmark news event from 1997 for Richard Bacon.
18:35Okay.
18:36Hello there, Rob.
18:38Dickie Bacon on the end of the counter.
18:40So, if you'd like to open your envelope, there it is.
18:49And please stand up and treat this with the solemnity that it deserves.
18:53Okay, yeah.
18:54All right, so...
18:55Oh, I'm just about to have a fight and I'm really hungry.
18:57I didn't have my steak.
18:58Oh.
18:59Oh, yeah.
19:00Do that huggy thing.
19:02Oh, come on.
19:03Come on, Richard Bacon.
19:04Sorry, I really licked that.
19:05That's okay.
19:06You missed it.
19:07Do you want to see it again?
19:08I was enjoying it, yeah.
19:10I'll leave it there.
19:10I'll let it run for a moment, Rob.
19:11Yeah, let it run as long as you like.
19:13Take your time.
19:13Take your time.
19:14Take your time.
19:15Yeah, absolutely.
19:15I didn't lick it, did I?
19:17Why do you keep going to the point where you get to the DVD extra?
19:20Just keep thinking...
19:21Come on, Richard Bacon.
19:23It's not the story you're thinking of.
19:23Is it not?
19:24You're not in this story.
19:30Is it?
19:31I'm sorry, are you all right?
19:33It's absolutely gorgeous.
19:34Come on, Richard.
19:35What is it?
19:35I have an idea.
19:37This is where an ear is mistaken for a steak.
19:39It's the fight where Tyson bit the ear of Evander Holyfield.
19:43I didn't mistake it for.
19:44Is the right answer, yes.
19:46Lovable Mike, he's a puppy, really, Tyson, bites a chunk out of Evander Holyfield's ear.
19:55This refers to June the 28th, 97, when Tyson was disqualified in the third round of his WBA title fight for biting a chunk out of Evander's ear.
20:03Holyfield had to have plastic surgery to fix the damage done to him.
20:07And Tyson was later fined $3 million.
20:09Now, here is the bonus up for grabs.
20:13Which boxer has made a fortune...
20:15Whoa, I haven't said the question yet.
20:17It could be anything.
20:18Has made a fortune from polyester curtains.
20:21Yes?
20:23George Foreman.
20:25You're saying that because you know the question I was really going to ask.
20:30Yes, all right, it's on the autocue, but don't look at it.
20:34Play the game in the spirit in which it's intended.
20:36We need to look at this whole autocue thing.
20:40Let's put the autocue in a language only you know.
20:42Yes.
20:43Borada.
20:44Troy Sawyer, annually retentive.
20:48Retentive annual.
20:50Here's the bonus.
20:50Which boxer, which boxer, has made a fortune from his low-fat cooking device?
20:58Jane Moore.
20:59George Foreman's lean, mean grilling machine.
21:01George Foreman's lean, mean grilling machine.
21:04Do any of you own a lean, mean...
21:07I was wondering, Dave, if you have one.
21:11No, no, I don't, actually.
21:13Have you ever thought about one and stood outside a shop and looked in the window?
21:19No, I haven't.
21:20You're making me frightened to speak.
21:25Oh, I don't mean to make you frightened to speak.
21:28I just fall at Julian Clary, let's be honest.
21:31Sorry, no, I...
21:32Is it a cloning of David Mitchell?
21:33No.
21:34You're doing him again.
21:35Oh, sorry, yes.
21:36You're lapsing into your impression.
21:37Because I'm a fan.
21:38Yes, thank you.
21:38I do it from a warm place.
21:43What if we put a bit of Dickie Bacon in the grilling machine?
21:46Well, it would...
21:47Would we eat it, I wonder?
21:49Dickie Bacon would work, because it cooks it so thoroughly.
21:52I'm on my third George Foreman grill.
21:54I really...
21:55I don't know.
21:56That's not good.
21:57They don't laugh.
21:57That's not good.
21:58What the hell are you doing with them?
22:00Well, because...
22:01Cook you a bugger.
22:04Well, if I can explain that they're all excellent, and I don't get any commission for this, it's
22:09just that he's slightly modified them.
22:11I mean, they've always been...
22:12The problem with them, Rob, is they've always been hard to clean, and in the very latest
22:15one, the parts come off, and you can put it straight in the sink.
22:18Previously, you had to scrub the thing on your desktop, and it was unpleasant.
22:22Isn't it, Jane?
22:23Isn't that a good idea?
22:23Oh, because I've got the old one.
22:24I didn't know it did that, so I will now be going out to buy a new one as well.
22:27Because I did think...
22:28That's so cynical, isn't it?
22:30Initially brings out basically a shit grill.
22:33Makes a tiny improvement, and all the idiots go out and buy a new one.
22:38It's another tiny improvement.
22:4050 grills later, it'll be okay.
22:44Can I make a point here?
22:46Sorry, Jane, you go on.
22:47When you say it's a shit grill...
22:49I was using shit in the derogatory adjectival sense.
22:56Okay, okay, fine.
22:57As long as it's not a noun.
22:58No.
23:00You could grill a shit in it.
23:04You'd have shit all over it.
23:07But they're easier to clean, though.
23:09So you might as well shit in it.
23:10Yeah, exactly.
23:11You don't have a sink full of shit.
23:13I'm Nicky Campbell.
23:14You're watching Watchdog.
23:17Thank you for that, teams.
23:18At the end of that round...
23:20He's got something like 28 children, and they're all called George Foreman.
23:23Yeah, he has.
23:23Boys and girls.
23:25Not only his grill is named George Foreman, but his boys and his girls are named George Foreman.
23:28It saves time remembering, doesn't it, you know?
23:30I'm going to look at that, they're probably called George Foreman.
23:32I'm going to look at that, they're probably called George Foreman.
23:34Oh, they're my George Foreman ringing right now.
23:37Hello, who's George Foreman?
23:39I'm going to put it down on the George Foreman.
23:41Maybe have a bite of George Foreman later on.
23:44Make it in my George Foreman, drive down the George Foreman.
23:48What do you want?
23:49He's a boxer.
23:51At the end of that round.
23:52I just think this George Foreman thing is a rich vein.
24:03He made...
24:03Which I think we have explored.
24:06He's the Dickie Bacon for you.
24:09He made over £100 million out of that George Foreman grill.
24:12I mean, this is the guy who lost Rumble in the Jungle.
24:14He's really had the last laugh.
24:16£100 million.
24:17We're not mocking him, Richard.
24:18Listen, he makes us all look like idiots, don't get me wrong.
24:22Are you sure you're not sponsored by him?
24:24He has, you're right, he has had the last laugh,
24:26but he can't remember the first one.
24:31Oh, vintage Gorman.
24:34At the end of that eventful round,
24:37I'm going to give Jane, Lucy and David three points,
24:40and Dave, Gale and Richard just one point.
24:43Oh.
24:48And so we move, inevitably, to a round we've punningly called
24:56Now and Then, all right?
24:58Now and Then.
25:00Not Now and Then, Now and Then.
25:02Important distinction.
25:03Teams, on your screens, you'll see a Venn diagram
25:06of three famous faces.
25:08Anton Deck, Tony Blair and Nelson Mandela.
25:11Technically four faces, I know.
25:12Yeah.
25:13Tony Blair.
25:14I knew it would be Dave to pick up on that.
25:16It wasn't, it was Gale.
25:17Oh, oh, you've infected her.
25:20With my counting gene.
25:21Yes.
25:23With your evil counting gene.
25:26And a little bit of the pedantry gene that you have.
25:29Tony Blair.
25:29Nice one, pedant.
25:30Nice one, son.
25:31Nice one, pedant.
25:33Although you're not my son.
25:36Is that material you've done in the past?
25:38No, it's not.
25:38Oh, that's good.
25:39Yeah.
25:43You're on fire, Dave Gorman.
25:44Tony Blair is in the centre of our Venn diagram
25:48because he hit the headlines in a very big way,
25:49obviously, in May of 1997, my birthday, in fact,
25:53and I think it was just the day you're not interested.
25:56But the Prime Minister also has something very specific
25:59in common with each of the faces on either side of him.
26:02He has something in common with Anton Deck
26:03and he has something in common with Nelson Mandela.
26:06I should point out, Mandela does not necessarily
26:08have something in common with Anton Deck, okay?
26:10We're just looking for the connection
26:12between Blair, Depp, McPartlin and Donnelly, I think.
26:17And Blair and Mandela.
26:21Okay, here we go.
26:23It's Jane's team.
26:24Tony Blair was interviewed...
26:25It's a very young picture of Anton Deck.
26:27Tony Blair was interviewed by little Anton Deck, wasn't he?
26:30Their little...
26:31Yes, yes, that's true.
26:33Is that what they have in common?
26:35Well, no, because, of course,
26:37big Anton Deck haven't been interviewed
26:38by little Anton Deck, do you know what I mean?
26:39No, they have.
26:40Yeah, they were little.
26:41Yeah, technically they have, but do you know what I mean?
26:46I think Anton Deck once led their country
26:50into an unjust war.
26:53Yes, it's true.
26:54And I know that Nelson Mandela
26:56had his garden made over by Alan Titchmarsh.
26:59Right.
26:59So I'm guessing Tony Blair
27:01has also had his garden made over by Alan Titchmarsh
27:03and that would be the connection.
27:04Well, it's good, but it's not right.
27:05There was a Biker Grove plot
27:08involving some kind of weapons of mass destruction.
27:11Oh, no, it was just paintballing.
27:13Sorry, I got that right.
27:14I thought, is the connection...
27:15Close your eyes!
27:18Has it got anything to do with the bad news
27:21Tony Blair's obviously receiving on the phone?
27:24I think that face could be a preface to good news.
27:27What?
27:28I got it.
27:29We won the whole election.
27:31In 97, he would have said,
27:33but what are you talking about?
27:34And now he would say,
27:35but what are you talking about?
27:38Political.
27:40Did Tony Blair ever release
27:42let's get ready, ready, let's get ready, ready,
27:44let's get ready to rumble?
27:45No, I sense we're not going to get there.
27:48If I give you a little...
27:49Oh, Richard.
27:50These connecting stories,
27:52are the stories themselves from 97?
27:54Forgive me for not being clear on the rules.
27:55Well, let me check.
27:56No, not necessarily, no.
28:01They're general facts.
28:03But it's to do with...
28:03The middle one is to do with the year, isn't it?
28:05So it's the election.
28:06All right, yeah.
28:06As I explained in my detailed introduction,
28:09Tony Blair is in the middle
28:10because he had a big year.
28:12He was elected in May of 1997.
28:14What do they have in common?
28:15What about...
28:16Well, Tony Blair and Nelson Mandela
28:18have both met the Spice Girls.
28:19Ah!
28:21Now then, we are getting somewhere.
28:23See, I wondered if it wasn't...
28:24Tony Blair and Nelson Mandela, both...
28:27I'm pretty sure Ant and Dec have met the Spice Girls as well.
28:29And the rest.
28:31They all have their bottom pinched by Jerry Halliwell.
28:35No, I'm going to put you, me, and the audience.
28:38No, I haven't either.
28:40Well, Richard Bacon,
28:41do you want to bring up the deep fat fryer again?
28:44It's not a deep...
28:46George Shulte Foreman grill, by any chance?
28:48It's not a deep fat fryer.
28:49It's the opposite of that.
28:51He should bring out a deep fat fryer as well.
28:53Just to confuse people.
28:54Yeah.
28:56The first one, obviously, just wouldn't plug in.
29:01Slowly.
29:02The second one isn't earth.
29:05You beat your death.
29:07The third one only has shallow fat.
29:09Yeah.
29:09The fourth one, the only way you can test the temperature
29:11is by dipping your elbow in.
29:14I sense we're not going to get this,
29:16and for the sake...
29:17Oh, Richard Bacon.
29:18I'd have thought, this is...
29:19I don't actually have a connection.
29:20These are like the broken biscuits at the bottom of a tin.
29:22I'm just thinking, in the final Biker Grove...
29:24LAUGHTER
29:24In the final Biker Grove, Dave,
29:27Ant goes blind.
29:28He does, yes.
29:29Yes.
29:30Which has never happened to anyone else on that screen.
29:33LAUGHTER
29:33Now, I actually insist, please don't say anything else.
29:36LAUGHTER
29:37The link between...
29:40No, I have made a ruling.
29:42The link between Ant and Dec and our Prime Minister,
29:45Mr Anthony Blair, is Newcastle United.
29:48Geordie's Ant and Dec have been supporters of the club
29:51all their lives.
29:53I'm doing the accent now.
29:54Although he was born in Edinburgh,
29:56Tony Blair grew up mainly in Durham
29:58and has supported Newcastle United since he was a small boy.
30:02The link between Blair and Mandela
30:05is that they're both trained lawyers, would you believe?
30:08Objection.
30:09Tony studied law at Oxford
30:11and went on to meet his future wife, Cherie Booth,
30:14as a pupil barrister.
30:16She sounds exotic, wouldn't you?
30:18Imagine if you hadn't met her.
30:19LAUGHTER
30:19The young Nelson Mandela completed a degree
30:24at the University of South Africa via correspondence,
30:27not when he was in prison,
30:29which is when you'd think he'd do a correspondence course
30:31with all that time on his hands.
30:33Then he studied law at university and graduated as a lawyer.
30:38Phew!
30:38At the end of that round,
30:40I'm going to give Jane, Lucy and David
30:42the grand total of nothing at all.
30:45On the other hand,
30:46I'm going to give Dave, Gayle and Richard
30:48who did absolutely nothing at all.
30:50Oh!
30:51APPLAUSE
30:51Oh, my God.
30:53APPLAUSE
30:54Like Titanic steaming effortlessly
31:01towards multiple Oscars.
31:02See what we did there?
31:03Not the iceberg, we took the positive, so...
31:05LAUGHTER
31:06We steam on into our next round,
31:09which we call Hatched, Matched and Dispatched.
31:11I'm going to read out clues
31:13to people who were either hatched, born,
31:15Matched, they got married,
31:17or dispatched, they died in 1997.
31:20This is a quick-fire game,
31:22so fingers on buzzers, teams.
31:24OK, there's a point for every correct answer.
31:28Who am I talking about?
31:29Legendary Hollywood movie star,
31:31died in July of this year, aged 89,
31:33often played honest, average men...
31:36Yes?
31:36James Stewart.
31:37Oh, it's the right answer.
31:39APPLAUSE
31:40Hell-raising.
31:42Hell-raising singer-songwriter,
31:44it's not shaking, Stevens,
31:45died the 22nd of November in Sydney, Australia,
31:48dated Kylie...
31:49Yes?
31:50Michael Hutchins.
31:51Michael Hutchins is the right answer.
31:52You've got to be quicker, you guys.
31:53We're on, we're on.
31:54OK, Matched.
31:56Rock and roll couple married June 5th in 97.
31:59They divorced in 2001.
32:01They lived in St John's Wood in London
32:03at a house called...
32:04Sadie Frost and Jude Law.
32:06Is the wrong answer?
32:07Noel Gallagher and Meg Matthews is the right answer.
32:12Internationally famous woman,
32:14died on the 31st of August, 1997,
32:16had two children with...
32:17Yes?
32:17Princess Diana.
32:18Is the right answer.
32:19Singer-songwriter,
32:20died tragically young in May of 97,
32:22apparently drowned during an evening swim in Memphis.
32:25Geoff Buckley.
32:26Geoff Buckley's the right answer.
32:27Flamboyant fashion designer,
32:29died 15th of July...
32:30Yes.
32:30Gianni Versace.
32:31Very simple, that one.
32:33Glamorous British acting couple,
32:34married in September of 97.
32:36Divorced, yes.
32:37Sadie Frost.
32:38And?
32:39Jude Law.
32:39Is the right answer, well done.
32:42Whoa, that's it.
32:43That was the buzzer.
32:45Stop buzzing.
32:46Even Richard.
32:47Stop buzzing.
32:50Can I have another go,
32:51even though we've stopped?
32:53I'm not surprised there weren't very many hatched
32:55in that round of hatched, matched, and dispatches.
32:57Because how many people...
32:58How many famous nine-year-olds are there?
33:01Commemorate from 1997.
33:02Tracy Jenkins from Acacia Avenue, Glynneath.
33:06At the end of that round, Dave's team did very well.
33:09They scored two points.
33:11But Jane's team did even better with five points.
33:13APPLAUSE
33:14Well, would you believe it,
33:25we've reached the end of another exciting show.
33:29Sorry.
33:30I'm sorry.
33:31Oh, that's not nice.
33:33Well, I can't believe it,
33:35because Richard was working for QVC halfway through,
33:37and I was going to go on forever.
33:38LAUGHTER
33:38It's a good product.
33:41LAUGHTER
33:42Only 25 left.
33:46Yeah.
33:47Do call, must go.
33:48The only thing that's unclear for me
33:50is exactly what percentage you're on.
33:53LAUGHTER
33:54Totting up the scores at the end of the show,
33:55this week's defeated Tom Kites,
33:58it'll make sense,
33:59are Dave, Gale, and Richard.
34:01This week's victorious Tiger Woods
34:03are Jane, Lucy, and David.
34:05APPLAUSE
34:06There is just time to hear
34:16what captions the teams came up with.
34:19Jane, Lucy, and David,
34:21this is the photo we gave to you.
34:23It's obviously Clinton.
34:24Bill and Hillary, the Clintons there.
34:26What have you got?
34:26It's Hillary saying,
34:27I know you're hiding a moniker under that blanket.
34:30If you do it again, I'll break the other leg.
34:34President relaxes during hospital handjob.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:37That's excellent.
34:42That's very believable, yes.
34:45Maybe that's what it was.
34:47They like to do that kind of thing in public, don't they?
34:50American presidential couples.
34:51You get so used to having cameras around, you know?
34:56I just think you...
34:57Do you have anything for that, guys?
34:58No, I think we were going to go for something very similar
35:00on the wanking front, really.
35:02Bill's saying, left hand up, left hand down, up, down, up, down.
35:06That would have been kind of, you know...
35:07So you've already done it.
35:09Yeah.
35:09Hands in a superior version, and we salute you.
35:11LAUGHTER
35:12LAUGHTER
35:13All right, Dave, Gail and Richard,
35:15your photograph featured our lovely would-be monarch.
35:20What have you got for him?
35:21Which one's this one, then?
35:22That's his stepson Harry, yeah.
35:25LAUGHTER
35:26I don't know how you hew it.
35:29LAUGHTER
35:30So, one day, son, all this will be your brother's.
35:35LAUGHTER
35:36APPLAUSE
35:38Fantastic. Excellent.
35:42I don't think we'll top that, but, Dickie?
35:45No.
35:46Look, a George Foreman grill!
35:49LAUGHTER
35:50That's it.
35:52This week's show can officially be filed in the box,
35:55smart history.
35:56All that remains to say is a big thanks
35:58to our team captains, Jane Moore and Dave Gorman.
36:00APPLAUSE
36:01And, of course, to our exemplary guests,
36:08Lucy Porter, David Mitchell, Gail Porter
36:11and Richard Bacon.
36:13APPLAUSE
36:14Thanks at home for watching.
36:16I'm Rob Brydon and I am annually retentive.
36:18Good night.
36:19APPLAUSE
36:21For a rest to the next day,
36:34we'll see you again.
36:36One day, move on!
36:39APPLAUSE
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