- yesterday
An invulnerable, somewhat dim, superhero protects The City from all manner of evil-doers.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Once again, we're here with prominent superheroes, the Tick and Arthur.
00:07Good morning, America.
00:09Hi. Now, Tick, many questions about you remain unanswered.
00:14Hmm. I am a man of mystery.
00:17Yes, yes. But can you tell me, what do you do?
00:21Eh?
00:22I mean, what are your superhuman powers? Can you see through steel?
00:27You know, with x-rays, can you bend iron bars with your mind?
00:32Well, I... no.
00:34Can you create energy-based multiples of yourself?
00:37Whoa. Nope.
00:38Can you make diamonds out of coal?
00:40No.
00:41Shoot heat beams out of your eyes?
00:42No.
00:43Breathe atomic fire?
00:44No.
00:45Hmm. Well then, can you destroy the Earth?
00:49Egad! I hope not! That's where I keep all my stuff!
00:54Yes, of course it is. Uh, tell me, do you have a girlfriend?
01:03I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see! I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater!
01:12We are superheroes, man! We don't have time to be charming!
01:15The boots of evil were made for walkin'!
01:18We're watching the big picture, friend! We know the score! We are a public service! Not glamour boys!
01:25Yeah! Not captains of industry! Not makers of things! Keep your vulgar monies! We are a justice sandwich! No toppings necessary! Living rooms of America! Do you catch my drift?
01:39Do you dig?
01:42I can fly!
01:45Whoa!
01:46Do you try!
01:47Bye!
01:48Do you try?
01:50Ah!
01:51You try!
01:52Oh, my God.
01:54Bye!
01:55I can fly!
01:56Oh!
01:58I can fly!
01:59Bye!
02:00Do you go!
02:01Do you go!
02:02You go!
02:03I can fly!
02:04I can fly!
02:05Why?
02:06I can fly!
02:08I can fly!
02:09I can fly!
02:10Fliber!
02:11I can fly!
02:12Probably go!
02:13Let go!
02:14...
02:17...
02:21...
02:23...
02:27...
02:30...
02:34...
02:36...
02:42okay okay on my side go no no wait wait right after this truck no he's good arthur you're good
02:51floor it no wait wait okay all right after these four cars now is the time seize the day wait get
02:59ready not now not now not now go go go wait go wait go
03:05what are you trying to do get us creamed listen to flater mouse it wasn't my idea to go to some
03:19crazy superhero nightclub in the middle of nowhere and it certainly wasn't my idea to borrow my
03:24sister's car to get there oh but it'll be worth it arthur think of it a whole club just for superheroes
03:30packed wall-to-wall with crime fighters on their night off oh the camaraderie oh p you can someone
03:38open a window around here sewer urchin really stinks you're stinking on purpose aren't you
03:42ow hey quit it no you quit it oh hey cut that out if you guys can't settle down back there i'm gonna
03:54pull this car over and we can just wait and so he says to me you want to be a bad guy and i say
04:00yeah baby i want to be bad i says church up space ponies i'm making gravy without the lumps
04:06hey superheroes welcome there's something you don't see every day
04:18you must be the doorman yes but men call me jim ids please
04:33oh okay oh wait a sec i i may have left it in my other tights i get it spelling america with a k are we
04:42uh-oh we're being carded definitely being carded that's not the best picture of me
04:46it was a bad ear day i'll say
04:50the tick and tingling for fun this should be interesting okay
04:59my super doorman sense is ringing
05:07not so fast sidekick what no sidekicks in the club you go around back to the sidekicks lounge
05:19what
05:21see you later boys i think i'm in love oh oh where's arthur don't know urchin he must be
05:36mingling
05:37oh come on
05:43hey it's my favorite blue man hey big shot my favorite emotionally unbalanced gun-toting vigilante
06:01come on over i want you to meet my new friends from deer town this is mighty agrippa roman god of the aqueduct oh well
06:08sometimes and this is jet valkyrie a woman cool and this is fish boy lost prince of atlantis gang i want you to meet the tick
06:18oh
06:25oh man oh barry's not gonna like this no barry's not gonna like this one bit well maybe he won't show up tonight
06:31he says to me
06:38he says to me you got style baby
06:40but if you're gonna be a real villain you gotta get a gimmick
06:42and so i go i says yeah baby a gimmick that's it
06:45high explosives
06:47yeah keep playing with fire super pens
06:54you don't know how much fire you're playing with
06:56are you sure you've thought this sidekick thing through i mean it's no picnic
07:09man i heard that
07:19hey sweetheart what you got in that poodle gun anything for me
07:24hey
07:34so call me okay
07:38hey sweetheart what you got in that
07:41oh man american made
07:44you've got arrested development written all over you deflator mouse
07:48yeah sour grapes sweetheart you had your chance
07:54she'll be back
07:56so who is this barry guy another superhero
08:00oh no i wouldn't say that no
08:02well he'd like people to think he is but for all the wrong reasons
08:06you see he's rich and his brother-in-law owns the comic club
08:09so he gets to come in whenever he wants and make trouble
08:12yeah but it's after 10 so he probably won't show up tonight
08:16that's barry
08:20where's the jerk who calls himself the dick
08:24i am that jerk who wants to know
08:27you stole my superhero name parasite
08:31i am the dick
08:39what you ridiculous clown
08:41did you think you could get away with stealing my superhero name
08:45i am the dick
08:48what
08:49uh-oh
08:50oh my
08:51i am the one and only dick
08:53prepare to succumb to an irresistible force
08:57yeah well don't count your weasels before they pop dink
09:00sorry about that barry
09:12listen i think we should talk this over
09:14oh this is exactly what my therapist has been talking about
09:18doesn't barry get it violence never solves anything besides the ticks gonna clean his clock
09:25well yeah but look
09:27barry's got some kind of kinetic generator in his shield
09:29when he turns it on it gives him superhuman crushing power
09:32yeah he can squish rocks
09:35oh you're strong but you're no match for the tick
09:40barry you're going to have to start making some sense
09:42whoa
09:48yep i've been a sidekick for all going on 46 years
09:52that's dog years
09:54been all across this crazy mixed up country
09:56kicking for a hero with a brain of the size of walnut
09:58and what do i got to show for it
10:01high blood pressure
10:02artificial hip
10:03and a case of the worms
10:04but man i love it
10:06not me pal
10:07i just want to get back to the jungle
10:09oh borneo sweet borneo
10:11if you wanted a snack
10:13you just reached up into a tree and plucked it
10:15not like here
10:16oh no sir no ho
10:18some hairless jerk had to go and invent money
10:20some hairless jerk like you
10:2365 cents for a candy bar
10:26what are you nuts
10:28you frighten me terribly
10:29i'd like to go now
10:32so he says to me
10:33you gotta do something smart baby
10:34something big
10:35he says you want to be a super villain right
10:37and i go yeah baby
10:38yeah yeah what do i got to do
10:39he says you got bombs
10:40blow up the comic club
10:41it's packed with superheroes
10:42you'll go down in super villain history
10:44and i go yeah baby
10:45cause i'm the evil midnight bomber
10:47what bombs at midnight
10:48ah
10:49ha ha ha ha
10:51guys guys don't do this to yourselves
10:59let's put violence in the happy box
11:02okay good good i have your attention
11:06now as everyone knows i used to be a very violent person
11:10i tried to resolve all of my problems with guns
11:14but but but but i've been going to therapy and it's turned my life around
11:18i'm more centered now i'm a whole person
11:21barry you seem to be working through some serious identity issues here
11:25now barry i can see that you feel threatened by the tick
11:30you're also angry and you want to find an outlet for that anger
11:34plus you got some drool on your chin
11:36no no barry no i said put it in the happy box
11:43now let's try this again
11:47i hate this
11:49i didn't want to come here in the first place
11:51oh borrow your sister's car
11:53oh we'll have a great time
11:55maybe the tick's having a great time
11:58hmm
12:02hmm
12:07and so he says to me
12:08you got legs baby
12:09you're everywhere
12:10you're all over the place
12:12yeah
12:14hello
12:15hi
12:19what are you doing
12:22i just uh
12:23i just wanted to use the uh
12:25and so he says
12:26evil's okay in my book
12:27what about yours
12:28and i go
12:29yeah baby
12:30yeah
12:31i just wanted to uh
12:32wash my hands
12:33oh
12:34huh
12:35okay
12:36but why does your bag say bombs on it
12:38oh
12:39that's just i
12:40boom baby boom
12:41i'm the evil midnight bomber
12:42what bombs at midnight
12:44oh great
12:45eat my smoke copper
12:48let's do it
12:49let's do it
12:51let's do it
12:52here
12:53ahhh
12:54i've seen you like this one
12:55in here
12:56ahhh
12:57an object at rest
12:58cannot be stopped
13:01cannot be stopped so good I think we've got the makings of a compromise here
13:10guys Barry you give up calling yourself the
13:13tick and come with me to my group therapy sessions and tick I guess you
13:20can be called the tick
13:23excuse me excuse me and then I says tell me I'm wrong and he says I can't baby
13:31because you're not
13:41my doorman senses picking something up so urgent somebody's trying to blow up the
13:47club oh very bad definitely unacceptable yeah we better tell the tick wait he's
13:52busy fighting the tick the tick uh-huh thought you could get by doorman didn't
13:59you sidekick listen
14:06Barry come on I can't fight you superheroes only fight super villains of course if
14:14you wanted to become a super villain I think we could have that arranged
14:22it's gonna happen to you baby this could happen to anybody hi yeah I'll take the
14:29porcelain dog and all the rest of the gift certificate Chuck so you still want more
14:36huh oh hi Barry I'm gonna teach you a lesson
14:41you're pinned under my shield submit renounce your name or I will crush you flop never I wanted to say that good good or should I say goodbye
15:03and so he says I don't like the cut of your chip and I go I says it's the only ship I got baby you know I love a woman who dresses in stainless steel
15:22good loss creep
15:23looks bad for the tick nothing could withstand Barry's shield on overdrive
15:28I hope this makes things perfectly clear I am the only tick around here
15:35uh head spinning ears ringing no more of a throbbing really but regardless
15:42ouch say uncle okay uncle no no you know I mean renounce your name and call me the
15:53deck you are Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry listen
16:01somebody's planning bombs all over the place oh yeah and who would that be
16:06sidekick he says he's the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight yeah baby oh
16:12sure that sounds real oh come on it's not that bad
16:17urchin help oh okay Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry Barry
16:24got to get it together can't lose my name it's on all my stationery
16:3460 seconds to midnight 60 seconds to nowhere baby you have all become victims of the evil
16:47midnight bomber what bombs hey pay attention yeah don't hurt him he's definitely our ride home
16:55club policy sidekicks stay in the sidekick lounge what a terrible stink central nervous system
17:07I think you'd better find a new name mister
17:20tech evil is afoot
17:22the comic club is riddled with bombs and they're set to blow at midnight what do they look like chum
17:31well they look like that good heavens they're all over the place yeah baby and you've only got 20
17:38seconds before you all eight ceiling well there's gonna be a heck of a line at the Cape Jack let's go get
17:43those bombs Arthur
17:44uh-huh
17:46here freshener
17:59that's it I quit
18:21you know he is a close personal friend of mine you make me sick to my stomach
18:34oh it's always about you isn't it no applause necessary just doing my job
18:38hey you you're in a lot of trouble
18:46yeah baby this is wearing a little thin Barry not Barry I'm the dick
18:56okay I'll be Barry and you be the dick
19:04well all this and a villain too
19:07you'll never prove a thing copper I'm just a part-time electrician I
19:10I I better good baby down with government
19:16great place
19:17oh yeah that was great guys I'm not gonna warn you again
19:22uh what's in a name anyway if I were called Bob or Jack or Vinnie or a piece of fruit
19:27would I be any less a hero and if Barry were called Rupert
19:31Max or Rainbow would he be any less a jerk
19:34I don't think so because a name is a rose and it only smells as sweet as
19:40you are are we home yet
19:41ow ow yourself how yourself hey quit copying me
19:45I know you I know you are what am I stop it stop it I was sitting here first
19:48I'm sitting here first scoot over old school I'm telling you're hugging
19:50yeah I'm hogging yeah he's hogging everything
19:52he's hogging everything make him stop make him stop
20:10you
20:25you
20:31You
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