- 7/3/2025
#ShowFilm98
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00We just shape, shape, shape, and we keep shaping until we get something that looks like a bow tie.
00:18Boom. Why, hello, Mr. Bond. Now you're ready to complete your mission, even if it's just looking
00:26sharp at your buddy's wedding. Now, I can hear some of you screaming at the screen. Whoa, hang on there, Gideon.
00:35Way too fast. Way too fast. Okay, I hear you. Stop yelling at me. Now, I don't want you to be frustrated
00:44because yours didn't turn out perfectly the first time. I've...
00:48Oh, can I help you? I'm your chauffeur. Round-trip car service. Compliments of the groom.
00:59Oh. Uh, you sure that's for me?
01:03Should have been mentioned on your invitation. Mind if I take a peek?
01:07Yeah, sure.
01:11Oh, it must be a misprint. I'll have a talk with our secretary about that. The car is ready whenever
01:16you are. Oh, um, oh, yeah, okay. Well, can you, um, all right, it's two minutes.
01:22Of course. Two minutes in a while. Okay, thank you.
01:24Flip it up, put it through that small hole, and then we just shape, shape, shape.
01:49Need a hand with that bowtie?
01:51Even until we get something that looks like a bowtie.
01:57Yes, I actually do. That would be great.
02:00I don't want you to be frustrated with yours, dear.
02:02Yeah, I would appreciate that.
02:05If I'm a teacher, I should be able to teach myself how to use a bowtie.
02:08I wanted to wear a clip-on.
02:13Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm groomed without having it.
02:18This is a nice tux. Thank you.
02:22What are you, a 41 regular?
02:25Well, yeah, I am.
02:26Perfect. Me too.
02:27Not too tight that it's choking you.
02:42Unless that's what you're into.
02:43Take that.
02:45Why, hello, Mr. Bond.
03:15Now you're ready to complete your mission, even if it's just looking sharp at your buddy's wedding.
03:21Now, I can hear some of you screaming at the screen.
03:26Whoa, hang on there, Gideon.
03:28Way too fast.
03:30Way too fast.
03:31Okay, I hear you. Stop yelling at me.
03:33I make it look easy.
03:34But right now, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
03:40If your bowtie looks a little messy, that's part of the charm.
03:45I want you to pause this video right now and go find a picture of Winston Churchill.
03:53His bowtie's were always a train wreck.
03:57One side is bigger than the other.
03:58It's all askew.
04:00Good afternoon, sir.
04:22I just need an invitation and some ID.
04:34Welcome, Mr. Telache.
04:36Are you all right, sir?
04:38Yeah.
04:38Yeah.
04:38Yeah.
05:09What is this?
05:24Tastes like balls.
05:25Oh, that's the main ingredient.
05:27It's our signature cocktail this evening.
05:29Vodka, botanicals, and Ballzilla energy drink.
05:32Isn't that that MLM that keeps getting sued left and right?
05:35At least two of those lawsuits settled.
05:37But if you're interested in manifesting abundance
05:39and joining the Groom's Ballzilla Triangle of Success, I can...
05:42I'm not.
05:46Yes, I got him.
05:55Who are you here for?
06:14The Groom.
06:15Why?
06:35Oh, God.
06:35God.
06:35Why?
06:36Why?
06:36Why?
06:37Why?
06:38Why?
06:38Why the hell are there federal agents staking out the wedding?
07:00And why am I only finding out about this now?
07:02I mean, who do you think I am?
07:04Who the fuck do you think you have hired?
07:06You want a cowboy?
07:07Go to the ranch.
07:09Because I am a professional.
07:11And when my employer gives me faulty prep, that makes me walk away.
07:16Because that means I'm either being misled or I'm being led by an idiot.
07:20So which is it?
07:20Stick with the plan.
07:22Find a patsy to take the fall and we'll double your fee.
07:26Delcompensate for the added risk.
07:29Patsy, right.
07:30I should not see you there.
07:50Uh, that's okay, Dad.
07:53That's right.
07:55Yeah, I'll tell her.
07:57Okay.
07:59Bye-bye.
08:01I am so sorry.
08:03I am all over the place today.
08:04Oh, it's all right.
08:06I'm all over the place every day.
08:08Well, I mean, I would lose my oyster knife if it wasn't attached to my, uh, oh my...
08:13You know what?
08:14I actually have to get these in the fridge.
08:15I am so sorry.
08:16Um, hi and bye.
08:20Goodbye.
08:32Patsy on the half shell.
08:43You look like you could use a drink.
08:45Want it without boulders.
08:50But then how am I going to get my daily dose of radioactive sludge?
08:57I'm okay.
08:59Um, cheers.
09:01I'm Alex.
09:02Todd.
09:03Has, um, has anyone ever called you Hot Toddy?
09:12Not until today.
09:14There he is.
09:17Mr. Talachi.
09:18Fucking legend.
09:19Come here.
09:20Get over here.
09:21Come on.
09:21Get over here, man.
09:22Hey, come here.
09:23Hey, let it be hiding.
09:24This guy.
09:26Yeah.
09:26I can't believe how different you look.
09:29Yeah, well...
09:29You still look different.
09:31It's been a few years, Kirby.
09:33Yeah, I'm so glad you're here, Mr. T.
09:35I still feel bad about that.
09:37Oh.
09:38Oh, yeah.
09:38Yeah, I didn't even know a rubber band could do that.
09:40They should put a warning label or some shit on those packages.
09:44They're that fucking dangerous?
09:46They do.
09:46It's written on the back.
09:47You just gotta read it.
09:48You remember that eye jelly all over your classroom floor?
09:50Oh, I remember that.
09:51Dude, that was fucked up.
09:53Hey, listen to me now.
09:54I'm gonna make it all up to you.
09:56I've got a new product line that's dropping.
09:58Ballzilla supplement powders.
10:01Powder your balls.
10:03And I'm gonna get you in on the ground floor.
10:05So no more of that bullshit teacher salary shit, man.
10:08Get ready to start manifesting abundance.
10:12That's awesome, man.
10:13I'll see you guys.
10:14Not so fast.
10:19You gotta do the thing.
10:28The thing?
10:30Yeah, it's a fucking hilarious thing you used to do all the time.
10:33Do it.
10:38Oh, yeah.
10:39Come on, do it right now.
10:43Fucking do it.
10:44Sure.
10:56There's just one more thing.
11:01I don't even know where that shit is from.
11:06That cracks me the fuck up, dude.
11:07You're a fucking legend, Mr. D.
11:09Fuck you, you're so funny.
11:12Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T, Mr. T.
11:19What do we say about chanting?
11:21No chanting, you'll have your toast.
11:22No chanting, period.
11:24I'm not going to do it.
11:24No chanting, I'm not going to do it.
11:25I'm not going to do it.
11:26I'm not going to do it.
11:28I'm going to do it.
11:30I love you.
11:34I got to go do some chick shit.
11:36Mr. T.
11:38Mr. T.
11:38Mr. T.
11:40Mr. T.
11:41I think you need to manifest some new friends.
11:47Yeah.
12:11Hey, asshole.
12:41Dude, these aren't the only two heroes.
12:52You got other options.
12:54You don't have to stand right next to me.
12:56This is why we always used to rag on you, man.
12:59Cause you are a fucking pervo.
13:01Don't look at my dick, dude.
13:11Oh, my God.
13:41Oh, my God.
14:11I'm going to find whoever did this.
14:32This is basically murder.
14:34Do you hear me?
14:36Murder!
14:41Murder!
14:42Murder!
14:43Murder!
14:44Murder!
14:45Murder!
14:46Murder!
14:47Murder!
14:48Murder!
14:49Murder!
14:50Murder!
14:51Murder!
14:52Murder!
14:53Murder!
14:54Murder!
14:55Murder!
14:56Murder!
14:57Murder!
14:58Murder!
14:59Where is he? Where does he go? I don't even understand. This is my day, Mom. Like, we have been planning this for fucking ages. You don't get married twice.
15:27I am never gonna wear this dress again. Where the fuck is he?
15:44The fireworks are from when we leave on the boat.
15:48Is the boat out? Kirby?
15:56I beg you not to humiliate me in front of my parents! I even let you pick your stupid monkey soda!
16:04Why are you ruining this for me?
16:19Oh my God!
16:20Oh my God!
16:21You don't see that?
16:25I didn't do it!
16:26No, I didn't do it!
16:29Oh, jeez.
16:50Oh, Nicky Rooney school for dogs, my gosh.
17:04Hey, front of stairs, pipe down.
17:08Your dreams are killing my sleeps, you know.
17:11Jeez.
17:12What now?
17:15Humbug.
17:19Good morning.
17:20I've brought you breakfast.
17:26Hey, wait a minute.
17:28Sorry.
17:29Nobody brings a free breakfast without expecting some kind of a favor.
17:32Well, it's less of a favor and more of an opportunity.
17:37Oh-ho.
17:39I see.
17:40You must think I'm some kind of a sucker.
17:42It's pronounced shucker.
17:44What is?
17:49Oh-ho.
17:50Oh-ho.
17:51Oh-ho.
17:52Oh-ho.
17:53Oh-ho.
17:54Ah!
17:55Boingo, boingo!
17:56Man, I am sorry for this whole coo kiss thing.
17:59I'm afraid to say I think the coo is on our last legs.
18:02Well, I didn't want to say anything.
18:03But your car sounds like a herd of seals having an orgy.
18:07So, how'd you come up with this whole thing?
18:09Well, after I met the oyster farmer in my Estonian dance class, I realized all I need is some ice, a sign, some fresh oysters, cute old-timey uniforms, and I'm ready to build a thriving wedding oyster-shucking empire.
18:22Well, sadly, I got this hard, uncrossable line when it comes to old-timey uniforms, so...
18:28We're making seven grand for this.
18:29Gosh!
18:30It just became more of a subtle gradation.
18:33Seven grand!
18:34Alex!
18:35Yes!
18:36Oyster shuckers from Estonia!
18:39They're either submerged in the boathouse in the water, or they're in here between 39 and 41 degrees.
18:47This is key.
18:49These oysters make the ultimate sacrifice for us, and we honor that by making sure no oyster dies in vain.
18:55No oyster left behind.
18:57This is the oyster shuckers code.
18:59Also, a spoiled batch could literally kill everyone at this wedding.
19:04Fuck.
19:05Maybe I'll just stick with the lemons.
19:09Thank you for doing this with me.
19:12When I met you, I was at the lowest point in my life.
19:18Um, but I feel like things are finally turning around.
19:23Aw, shucks.
19:25Is that an oyster bunny?
19:27Yeah.
19:28Oyster bunny!
19:29You can roll with that.
19:31Oh.
19:32Yeah.
19:33That was so loud.
19:42You alright, sir?
19:44Yeah.
19:45Todd Tolochi.
19:46Uh, groom's high school English teacher.
19:49Not a threat.
19:50Roger that.
19:51I still think this is a stupid fucking idea.
19:55Agent Milligan, teamwork means being open to any and all ideas.
19:59Agent Clark feels strongly this endeavor is worthwhile.
20:02I would like you to be supportive.
20:03Ma'am, I think it's great that you went to sensitivity training.
20:07But I know that you agree with me.
20:09This is bullshit.
20:12Those feelings are also valid.
20:14Thank you for sharing them.
20:15Let's just focus on IDing everyone entering those gates.
20:18We get in, we film, we congratulate, and we disappear. No surprises.
20:21Better fucking not be.
20:25Alright.
20:26These are from Wallfleet Harbor.
20:27They're very silky.
20:28New Finland's, they're nuttier.
20:30And these are Long Island Blue Points.
20:32They're salty and meaty.
20:34You got it?
20:35Oh, yeah.
20:40Oh, hey.
20:41These are, um, what do you call it, uh, Deepwater Horizon.
20:44You got a nice, oily texture?
20:47Oyster?
20:48Okay.
20:49I hope the shrimps are doing better than the oysters, yeah?
20:54Oh, wow.
20:56Gosh.
20:57Imagine that.
20:58Using your own wedding to just shill some pyramid scheme.
21:01No, it's not a pyramid scheme.
21:03It's a triangular selling system, which is totally legal in 32 states.
21:07Euclidean.
21:08Oyster?
21:09Oh, yeah.
21:10Don't mind if I do.
21:11No, thank you.
21:16Oyster?
21:17Oysters.
21:20Eh, oyster.
21:21Yeah.
21:23Sure.
21:31Fucking dick.
21:33Oysters over here.
21:40Emotional day, huh?
21:42Yeah.
21:43Me too.
21:44I always get a little weepy at these, uh...
21:48Oh.
21:49I see.
21:50Uh, you're listing a little to starboard there, Chief.
21:53Yeah?
21:54Eh.
21:56Yes.
21:57Weird.
21:58Shouldn't these be, uh, shucked to order?
22:00How long have they just been sitting on ice?
22:02Uh, I don't know.
22:03Is that protocol?
22:04Oh, you see, my partner, she doesn't even trust me with the oyster knife, uh, thinks I'm gonna hurt myself.
22:08Well, in the wrong hands, they can be very dangerous.
22:11Is that how you got that?
22:13Oh, this, uh...
22:15No, this happened in my garden.
22:17Bullshit.
22:20I'm so sorry.
22:21You see, I got this thing.
22:22If I could...
22:23If we can invite our guests to make their way out to the lawn, the ceremony is about to begin.
22:28Hmm?
22:29You'll excuse me.
22:30Okey-doke.
22:31Eh.
22:33All right.
22:34Oyster?
22:35You really think it's a pyramid scheme?
22:40Oh, I don't know, man.
22:42Uh, look, if it's working out for you, who am I to judge?
22:45I've spent $46,000 in upfront costs, and so far I've made $345 back.
22:50$5,000?
22:52No.
22:53I don't want to see that shit, man.
22:54Kirby, come on.
22:55Hear me out.
22:56Luca?
22:57Tell her I didn't invite her, because I don't want her in my life.
22:58I'm doing fine without her.
22:59You tell her I am crushing without her.
23:00Now leave me the fuck alone.
23:01Hey, Luca.
23:02Oh, no.
23:03What?
23:04Oh, you...
23:05My thoughts exactly.
23:06What the fuck, man?
23:07What are you doing here?
23:08I am not here.
23:09Oh, I see.
23:10Am I talking to some kind of an ABBA, a Tupac hologram situation here?
23:15Hey, stop it.
23:16No.
23:17Stop it.
23:18I'm me, but I'm undercover.
23:19Okay, because I was going to say, holy shit, that's some very impressive technology
23:23you got going at the FBI.
23:24Oh, no.
23:25No, no.
23:26No, no.
23:27No, no.
23:28No, no.
23:29No, no.
23:30No, no.
23:31No, no.
23:32No, no.
23:33No, no.
23:34No, no.
23:35No, no.
23:36No, no.
23:37I'm not going at the FBI.
23:38Really, huh?
23:40What are you, busting up this Balzilla scam?
23:43Yes, that is exactly what I'm doing.
23:46Bullshit.
23:47Never get used to that.
23:49This is not what I need right now.
23:50Oh, of course, because you and me, same time, same place.
23:53Usually some bad shit goes down.
23:55Well, that, and it's going to set back my therapy by several months.
23:59I've been working on my imposter syndrome since I keep getting promoted because of, well,
24:04you.
24:05Oh.
24:06Gosh, I'm sorry.
24:08Or, congratulations.
24:10Welcome.
24:11Do your thing.
24:12I'm going to stay out of your way, all right?
24:14It's not a problem.
24:15No.
24:16Just give me a moment.
24:17Oh, God.
24:22Is that Hess?
24:23Yes.
24:26You're in spirit.
24:29But, Mom...
24:30You're not getting involved, Charlie.
24:33Wait.
24:34Wait.
24:35Wait.
24:36So, is the groom...
24:37Hast's son?
24:38Shh.
24:39Keep your voice down.
24:40But, yes, Hast made it a condition of her testimony that she gets to watch the wedding on livestream.
24:46She hasn't seen him since he was born.
24:48I guess she wanted to get some kind of closure, but he did not take it well.
24:51No, I show you that.
24:52She's a fuck man.
24:53She's going to be heartbroken.
24:54Let me worry about Hast.
24:56You enjoy whatever it is you're doing in your old-timey uniform.
25:00Good to see you.
25:01Goodbye.
25:02Now Zeit.
25:15Hold on.
25:19Ballzilla and vodka.
25:22Not a good time right now, thank you.
25:24It's mostly vodka.
25:26it's really weird i know your mom actually uh she spent a long time trying to kill me
25:40don't worry we kind of worked it out well i'm glad that worked out for you but
25:45this woman doesn't give a fuck about me she abandoned me when i was this tiny pussy ass
25:53baby and now she knows i'm getting married but she doesn't come in person she sends this
25:58fucking dweeb to do a live stream and i'm supposed to be what grateful you see she's a kind of person
26:05where everyone she gets close to winds up either murdered maimed or arrested and when you're that
26:12kind of person well the most loving thing you can do for someone is to stay as far away from them as
26:20possible no matter how painful so if she's reaching out to you from witzek through that fbi dweeb
26:29now that means i mean she must have called in a million favors you know risked her life
26:36it's hard not to think of all the things we could have done together
26:52with her old criminal network can you imagine the fuck ton of balzilla we could have moved
26:59think of the bank you really are your mother's son huh it'll be okay kid
27:08wait the woman you told me about with the uh the rat mold thing rasp she's here first of all
27:28hasp and i didn't know she's in witness protection and also nobody knows where she she wanted to kill
27:36you and she is like some kind of gangster right well yeah but you know well we're kind of cool now
27:41no big deal she recently asked me to follow her finsta account not bragging it's just a fact
27:48i didn't do it seems kind of weird she only posts these like uh baking photos it would totally fuck up
27:55my algo ma'am how many of those have you had i'm trying to get loosen up there's this really odd guy
28:04who says he's gonna shuck my shell and slurp me down
28:07bro whoa whoa
28:08are you about to go full oyster okay you do you boss might i go have a little cigarette break
28:17didn't you just go for a break it's a funny story so that was like a drinking break but this
28:22is gonna be more uh vape okay i might i might do a little drinking
28:27full slurp huh yeah gentlemen hey all right
28:37hmm
28:49hmm
28:51hmm
28:55hmm
28:59hmm
29:05hmm
29:11hmm
29:35Fireworks are for when we leave on the boat!
29:44No, I...
29:45I beg you not to humiliate me in front of my parents!
29:48I didn't let you pick this stupid monkey soda!
29:51Why are you ruining this for me?
30:00Oh, my God!
30:05I didn't do it!
30:07I didn't do it!
30:12That's true!
30:23Absinthe son is dead. Murder suspect is on the loose.
30:27She was alone, on a boat, holding an oyster knife, covered in blood,
30:30standing over a body that had been stabbed to death with an oyster knife.
30:34Yes, yes, I know. It sounds crazy, but she's telling the truth, okay?
30:37She didn't do it.
30:38I want to believe you, but...
30:40What about everyone else?
30:41What about Beatrix?
30:43Even in Whitsack, she still has powerful connections.
30:46So, uh...
30:48What do you say?
30:49The best thing for your friend is if we find her before the mob does.
30:55So, if I bring Alex in, you guarantee that you can keep her safe?
31:00Yes.
31:04Okay, I'll help you.
31:05Thank you, Charlie.
31:07Can I talk to you for a second?
31:09Yeah.
31:10Have we called her back?
31:11Yeah, yeah.
31:12Um...
31:13We can't guarantee that girl's safety.
31:14I mean, every gangster from Northern America's gonna be looking for her.
31:16I know that.
31:17But we need to bring her in anyway, no matter the risk.
31:20Ah, you were lying.
31:22Smart.
31:23You fooled me.
31:25Okay.
31:26Uh...
31:27Shit.
31:28Shit.
31:42All units be on the lookout for a Caucasian woman.
31:45May 30s, with red hair, just like Steamboat Willie.
31:49Last known location, Bankwood Hall.
31:58Yes.
31:59Fuck.
32:02Oh, really?
32:03Okay.
32:05Manifest, Alex.
32:06Manifest.
32:07Jesus.
32:08Manifest.
32:19God, maybe this shit really does work.
32:21I didn't do it.
32:22I didn't kill him.
32:23I could never...
32:24I know, honey, but...
32:25Yeah, it really does look like you did do it.
32:27It's over.
32:28The groom was already dead when I went in the phone house.
32:30It was horrible.
32:32I did.
32:33I guess I must have passed out, because...
32:35Next thing I remember, I wake up with a bloody knife in my hand.
32:38Okay, okay.
32:39I know that you're telling the truth.
32:41But look, you got several mob conglomerates, the entire FBI convinced you to kill him.
32:45So I'm kinda outranked here.
32:46Anyway, if you didn't kill him, who did?
32:51Did.
32:54Wait.
32:55I think I know how we get out of here.
32:57Guess what else they keep in the boat house?
32:59Boats.
33:00Jeff!
33:01Okay, so if only we just had some way of sneaking out without being spotted.
33:10I can't believe you dragged us into this stupid fucking boondog.
33:13You know what, Annie?
33:14You wanna be helpful?
33:15Go check our deep sources.
33:16I wanna know if there's any chatter about the killing.
33:17Chatter?
33:18Why would there be chatter about some random oyster shucker?
33:23Almost everything tells me the oyster shucker did it.
33:25But one thing doesn't, and I've kind of learned to listen to her.
33:28Go now!
33:29Okay, okay.
33:30Go check on some fucking oysters.
33:33Fuck.
33:36Don't take it personally.
33:38Wendy filed for divorce last week.
33:41Oh, that's a shame.
33:43Yeah.
33:45That said, you did kind of blow it on this one.
33:50Well, thanks, Radquist.
34:10Oh, jeez.
34:11Microm.
34:12We made it!
34:13In there!
34:14We'll take that to news!
34:15Oh, fuck!
34:16Huh?
34:17Do you even know how to drive that thing?
34:18They practically drive themselves.
34:19Well, I'm not sure that's true.
34:20Oh!
34:21Oh, shit!
34:22The two drunk guys, so one of them was the groom?
34:25And the other.
34:26He must have been the killer.
34:27One of the groomsmen did it?
34:28Oh, I spy a fake eye.
34:32Yes, I do.
34:33Hot toddy.
34:34Who?
34:35The hot guy with the eye.
34:36Yes, well, I spy a fake eye.
34:37Yes, I do.
34:38Hot toddy.
34:39Who?
34:40The hot guy with the eye.
34:41Yes, well, someone pretending to be hot toddy.
34:44You know, in order to sneak into the wedding undetected.
34:45That's very elaborate.
34:46Indeed.
34:47Clearly a professional.
35:11Oh, for fuck's sake, Charlie.
35:12Charlie!
35:13This is ridiculous.
35:14Can you please just turn yourselves in so I don't have to get my shoes wet?
35:27Look, there's a professional hitman here.
35:30He killed a groom, and then he set up Alex, and now she's a Lucien.
35:34If what you're saying is true, we can find out who the assassin is.
35:37We can protect her.
35:38Oh!
35:39Bullshit!
35:40We can at least try to protect her.
35:42Word is already out to the five families about Hasp's son.
35:45There are goons mobilizing coast to coast.
35:47They all think when Hasp testifies, she'll go easy on whoever whacks her son's killer.
35:53What are you gonna do?
35:54Canoe your way to safety?
35:55You can't...
35:56Shit.
35:57I trusted you.
35:59Row, Alex.
36:00Row.
36:01Row your little boat.
36:03Fuck!
36:10Okay.
36:11Go!
36:12Look!
36:13Manifest, baby!
36:15We gotta escape the boat!
36:16Don't assumino.
36:17We gotta escape!
36:18Oh!
36:19No!
36:20Alright!
36:21We gotta do this!
36:22Look!
36:23Look!
36:24Look when it's in a銀.
36:25Manifest, baby!
36:26Wait, wait.
36:27Look!
36:28Look!
36:29Look!
36:30Look!
36:32Look!
36:33Look at them he Green.
36:34Woof!
36:35Look!
36:36Go to the Harlem, then look!
36:37Sorry, ma'am. I take full responsibility.
36:49Oh, yeah, you'll take full responsibility.
36:51You are one fucking sorry excuse for a federal agent.
36:54How did a fucking pinhead baby like you even get promoted in the first place?
36:58I'm so sick of this sensitivity shit.
37:01It is good to have you back, ma'am.
37:03I just wanted to make $7,000 shucking oysters so I could finally make a dent in my student loans.
37:20And, you know, I've never even seen a dead body before.
37:23And now I've been chased by the FBI.
37:25I'm being hunted by a hitman and a whole mafia.
37:28Several mafias, actually.
37:30It's a, well, it's kind of a national consortium of...
37:32How am I going to get out of this?
37:34I don't know what I'm thinking, you know?
37:36I'm dead. I'm a dead woman walking.
37:39Well, I mean, there is one person, one person who knows how to deal with the mafia, the FBI, and professional killers.
37:46Who?
37:49Beatrix Hasp.
37:51The mob boss?
37:52Yes.
37:53Who tried to kill you?
37:54Okay.
37:54Who is also the mother of the man I supposedly killed?
37:58I wouldn't really need a message.
37:58Am I supposed to go up to her and say,
38:01Hi, you probably saw a video of me covered in your son's blood.
38:04Would you mind helping me out?
38:06Yes, I don't know.
38:07I mean, like, look, there's exactly one person in the whole world who Beatrix trusts, okay?
38:12And you happen to have picked her as your shucking partner, so...
38:15Why would she trust you?
38:17You know, I mean, she knows about my whole lie detector thing.
38:19She's seen it work under some pretty extreme circumstances.
38:21And I guess I think that, well, eh.
38:25She'd want to find the real killer more than she'd want to see you act.
38:28Okay.
38:29Okay, how do we find her?
38:31We can't.
38:32No, nobody can.
38:34She's in witness protection, so...
38:36Shit.
38:37Do you have any form of contact with her at all?
38:39No.
38:40Think.
38:48Her finster!
38:49God, it really is nothing but baked goods.
38:55Wait, can you send her a message?
38:57Yeah.
38:58No.
38:59Hey, I'm an only follower.
39:00She doesn't follow me back?
39:01What the fuck, B?
39:02How do we find this lady?
39:04Oh, we have to go on her and keep photos.
39:06Well, cookie photos and, uh, everything in the background.
39:18Look.
39:19It's, uh, junk mail, a political flyer.
39:21I mean, even witness protection can't get you away from the...
39:24Can you read anything on it?
39:25Well, it's, uh, just the top line of the address.
39:27Uh, 42 Ashford Place.
39:30I, uh, that doesn't really narrow it down.
39:31This is a nightmare.
39:33Yeah.
39:34We need, we need, uh, we need a city.
39:37There's nothing else on the flyer.
39:38Well, just...
39:40Wait.
39:40Ha!
39:44Search it.
39:45Image search it.
39:45Reverse search image search it.
39:46I'm on it.
39:52Greenville, Indiana.
39:53It's a ten-hour drive.
39:54Jesus Christ.
39:55Look at this.
39:56Look at this.
39:57Half of my feet is already baking videos.
39:58Okay.
39:59Fuck this.
40:00Let's roll.
40:06I checked it.
40:07It was right there, though.
40:09Okay.
40:09Okay, so I checked our deep cover sources, even though I thought it was fucking stupid.
40:13And actually, there has been chatter about an assassin on this job.
40:17Chatter?
40:18What chatter?
40:19Just one word.
40:21I don't know what it means.
40:24Iguana.
40:28Iguana?
40:29Are you sure?
40:30Yes, ma'am.
40:32What's...
40:33Iguana?
40:34No, Iguana is...
40:36the codename of the most dangerous, deadly hitman in the world.
40:41Iguana is a total ghost.
40:42No photos, no information.
40:44This is the first confirmation we have that he's even a he.
40:47Able to strike anywhere, get to anyone, and leave zero trace.
40:54But Iguana is a made-up story that FBI agents tell new recruits to give them nightmares.
41:00If someone hired the Iguana, this was not about killing a multi-level marketing energy drink entrepreneur.
41:07And if Charlie and Alex are still alive, it's because the Iguana wants them that way.
41:17Charlie Kale is leading the Iguana straight to Beatrix Asp.
41:22And it's gonna be a bloodbath.
41:26Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
41:44Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
41:51I said, early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
41:59Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord, what shall I do to be saved?
42:07Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:14Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:22Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:24Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:28Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord, what shall I do to be saved?
42:35Early one morning, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:45Early one evening, death come a-knockin' at your door.
42:53I said, early one evening, death come a-knockin' at your door.
43:00Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord, what shall I do to be saved?
Recommended
42:38
|
Up next
42:28
47:02
48:18
43:48
43:49
44:06
1:28:54
40:39
42:31
38:00
1:39
45:46
47:10
42:56