- 7/2/2025
LOL Network's Stand-Up series presents some of the hottest up-and-coming comics in the industry. Welcome to the stage, Capone.
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00:01Welcome to The Sage, the gangster of comedy.
00:05You've seen him on Shaq's All-Star Comedy Jam
00:07and the host of The Apollo.
00:09Give it up for Papone!
00:12Goddamn it!
00:15Oh, cut, cut, shit.
00:18I see these lights. I'm gonna take this jacket off.
00:22But you're gonna know it's an outfit
00:26before I decide to take it off. Look at it.
00:30It's expensive.
00:34It's hot than a motherfucker, though,
00:36so I'm not gonna wear it long,
00:38but long enough for them to know I had this motherfucker on.
00:42I feel sexy when I put on shit like this,
00:46because not too many people could wear shit like this.
00:50This is grown man shit, and this is how you hang up.
00:53Grown man shit.
00:57This is the grown man part of the show.
00:59I gotta warn y'all before I even fucking start.
01:01I curse.
01:03I curse and I say words
01:05because I feel like cursing releases a lot of shit.
01:08I say words like pussy.
01:11Yes.
01:12And I say dick.
01:13And when I say dick, I look into the audience.
01:17Because usually the word dick bring out certain motherfuckers.
01:23Even people ain't paying attention to me.
01:25Dick brings out the little fruit loop niggas.
01:29You know they be in their own world.
01:31Hold on. Oh my God.
01:33This gonna be a good show bitch.
01:39That nigga said dick.
01:43Now I need to make this clear.
01:44I don't have a problem with gay people.
01:46If you gay, be gay.
01:47But be honest about it.
01:49Be honest.
01:51Introduce yourself.
01:52Be happy.
01:53You can get married now.
01:54This is your time.
01:55Introduce yourself.
01:56Hi, I'm Bill.
01:57And that's my boyfriend, Tim.
02:01You gotta respect that shit.
02:03Or if you're a lesbian.
02:04Yo, I'm Keisha.
02:07And that's my girl, Crystal.
02:11The ones I don't get along with, and I ain't gonna lie,
02:13is the little fruit loop.
02:14I call them fruit loop niggas.
02:16They try to recruit regular dudes like me.
02:19Oh, you can tell.
02:21They ain't scared of you no more.
02:22Back when I was young, they used to be scared.
02:24But not now.
02:25They bold.
02:27They look at you straight up.
02:29You be like, who the fuck you looking at?
02:31He be like, you.
02:35I'm looking at you, bitch.
02:36Oh, my God.
02:39And I'm a thug from the hood.
02:40I'm a real dude.
02:41I don't play that shit.
02:42Don't stare at me too long.
02:44But you gotta be careful how you argue with certain motherfuckers.
02:47I told this nigga straight up, you fucking keep looking at me
02:50and I'm gonna bust your ass.
02:51He was like, oh, my God.
02:55Come on.
02:56Stop playing now.
02:57You talking, bitch.
03:01We got into an argument.
03:03And I'm a thug.
03:04You can't argue with me too much.
03:06This nigga threatened to shoot me.
03:08I was like, dog, I'll smack the shit out of you.
03:10He said, and if you put your hands on me, I swear to God, I will shoot your ass.
03:16I was like, shoot who?
03:17This motherfucker pulled out and said, pew, pew.
03:21I said, nigga, did you just shoot me with two fingers?
03:26He was like, you dead to me, bitch.
03:29And I always try to stop my show off.
03:33I talk about people.
03:34I talk about a lot of things.
03:35I talk about men, especially men first.
03:36Because men, we do dumb shit and we always have to prove that we're a man.
03:41You ever hear a man always talk?
03:42I'm a grown fucking man.
03:43I'm a grown.
03:44Ain't no matter what the subject.
03:45Don't talk to me like that.
03:46I'm a grown fucking man.
03:47I don't think you're a grown man until you can tell the truth.
03:48A grown man don't have to lie.
03:49He could tell the truth no matter what the situation is.
03:50If you're fucking right.
03:51If you're sleeping with two women, tell both of them.
03:52See how grown you are.
03:53Ha, ha, nigga.
03:54He can tell the truth no matter what the situation is.
03:55If you're fucking right.
03:56If you're sleeping with two women, tell both of them.
03:57See how grown you are.
03:58Ha, ha, ha, nigga.
03:59Ain't that grown.
04:00I still do childish shit.
04:02But I think we lie about dumb shit.
04:04Men lie about the dumbest shit.
04:05And I'm gonna tell you the truth.
04:06We got taught how to lie.
04:07Our mothers made us liars.
04:09Women, yes, you're not.
04:10We're not.
04:11We're not.
04:12We're not.
04:13We're not.
04:14We're not.
04:15We're not.
04:16We're not.
04:17We're not.
04:18We're not.
04:19We're not.
04:20We're not.
04:21We're not.
04:22We're not.
04:23We're not.
04:24We're not.
04:25We're not.
04:26Women, yes, your mother made you a fucking liar as a man.
04:30Your mother used to have bills.
04:31You ain't know nothing about no bills.
04:33They call your house.
04:35Your mother threatened you.
04:36Tell them I'm not fucking here.
04:40And you ain't know no better.
04:41Nobody warned you.
04:42You're like, but you, you're here.
04:45Dumb little motherfucker.
04:48Tell them that I'm not here.
04:51Excuse me.
04:56So you start lying.
04:58My mother said she's not here.
05:05And you get caught into lies with dumb shit.
05:08Your mother tell you, go outside, but stay in front of the house.
05:14What the fuck happens in front of the house?
05:17Nothing.
05:18You got peer pressure as a little boy.
05:20You walk around and stand in the house.
05:23And these little motherfuckers that don't have no family to care about them walk past your house.
05:28Like, yo, we're going to the park.
05:29You want to go?
05:30And you got to, nah.
05:34I'm going to stay right by the house.
05:36And that's where the peer pressure come on.
05:38Yo, you can't come out.
05:41Yeah, but I just want to stay right here.
05:47And then your mother, you say, fuck it.
05:50I'm leaving.
05:51And you go out and go to the park with the little motherfuckers that don't have nobody to care for them.
05:57And you know your mother comes out and check on you and don't see you.
06:01And when she don't see you, when you get home, she asks you a goddamn question.
06:06What did I tell you?
06:07Why the fuck did you leave from in front of the house?
06:10And you start lying.
06:11I'm like, no, I saw you when you came out.
06:16I hide from you.
06:18I was hiding.
06:20But you ain't see me.
06:22But I saw you.
06:22You look and you went back in.
06:24I was like, she ain't even see me.
06:25And you get back in and your mother whips your ass.
06:30Tears your ass up.
06:31And what's the first thing you say?
06:33I can't wait to get out of this bitch house.
06:35And you get out of her house.
06:39Only to move into another bitch house that you got to lie to.
06:44And it starts off with this shit right here.
06:47Cell phone.
06:48I don't understand it because, men, this is your phone.
06:51You pay the bill.
06:52Nobody, you don't have to talk to nobody if you don't want to.
06:55You don't have to pick it up.
06:57Your mother could call.
06:58You'd be like, no.
06:59She gonna talk about church?
07:02I don't want to hear that shit.
07:03Your brother would call.
07:07You'd be like, no, nigga want $30.
07:08Fuck him.
07:09He ain't paid the other $30.
07:12Your own children would call.
07:13Ha, that ain't them.
07:15That's their mother using their phone.
07:16Click.
07:20But your woman called.
07:21For some reason, you got a fucking dilemma.
07:24Oh.
07:27Goddamn.
07:30You know what?
07:30I ain't gonna answer because she gonna ask me where I'm at.
07:32You know, I don't feel like telling where I'm at.
07:33Fuck that.
07:34This is my phone.
07:35Click.
07:36And you click off the phone.
07:38Only to get home for this woman to ask you.
07:41Because women don't forget shit.
07:43She know the exact time she called you.
07:45And she bring it to your goddamn face.
07:48I called you and I text you.
07:50Why didn't you answer the phone?
07:52Why you ain't a grown man?
07:53Just say it.
07:53Because I didn't feel like fucking answering it.
07:56But you won't do that, won't you, you punk bitch?
08:02You're a liar.
08:03This is where the lying continues at.
08:05You'll grab the phone and be like,
08:07Huh, you did?
08:11Baby, what time you called me?
08:14You know you're the third person that said this shit.
08:17I'm taking this fucking phone back to the store on Monday.
08:23Lying for no reason.
08:25And ladies, I'm gonna tell you another secret.
08:27If you got a job, men don't give a fuck about the drama on your job.
08:32You call us like we care and we gotta pretend we care.
08:35Every woman calls her man every day.
08:38Guess what the fuck they got a bitch doing on the job?
08:41And he goes, God damn.
08:46Now he gotta act concern.
08:48Baby, what the fuck they got you doing?
08:52They asking the bitch to fax a thousand papers.
08:56Get the fuck out of here.
08:59Don't they know my baby ain't no faxerup?
09:03What the fuck is a faxerup?
09:06He ain't had a job so long, he making up words.
09:08There ain't no damn faxerup.
09:11Men need to tell the truth.
09:15I don't know why we lie.
09:17I'm gonna tell you right now.
09:18I'm at the age I don't lie.
09:20I can't afford to lie.
09:21My body won't let me lie.
09:24I'm not too young and I'm not too old.
09:26I can't do certain shit that I used to do.
09:28In my 20s, I was a sex guard.
09:31I could fuck for hours.
09:33Now?
09:34No, sir.
09:36Fuck out of here.
09:37Women want you to fuck for two hours.
09:39For what?
09:40That's a fucking flight from here to New York.
09:44I'm not fucking no whole flight.
09:48No, sir.
09:51Want you to do all kinds of shit.
09:53Pick me up.
09:54Take me on the other side of the bed.
09:56Bitch, I'm gonna roll on the bed.
09:57Meet me around and we continue.
09:59I'm not picking you the fuck up.
10:01I'm older, you heavier.
10:04That shit don't go together.
10:06No.
10:07I don't lie.
10:10No, sir.
10:11My body won't let me lie.
10:14Let me tell you something.
10:14When I was in my 20s,
10:16my little buddy used to wake me up.
10:18Ladies, in case you didn't know,
10:19every man in here got a name for they dick.
10:21My buddy was my name.
10:23My little buddy.
10:24Not because he's little,
10:25but he's littler than me.
10:27And he's my goddamn buddy.
10:29We've been together a long time.
10:32My little buddy in my 20s would wake me up.
10:34Get the fuck up.
10:36I'd be like,
10:36What's up, little buddy?
10:37He said,
10:37Let's go outside.
10:39I said,
10:39Where are we going?
10:40I don't know.
10:40Let's go somewhere.
10:42Me and my little buddy,
10:43we went everywhere together.
10:45We did a lot of shit.
10:47When I got in my 30s,
10:49something happened.
10:50I couldn't even find my little buddy.
10:53One day I woke up,
10:54my little buddy was under my leg.
10:56I said,
10:56Hey,
10:57where you at, little buddy?
10:59Let's go outside.
11:00He's, man.
11:03I'm sleepy than a motherfucker.
11:06I said,
11:06Get your ass up.
11:08Let's go outside.
11:08He said,
11:08You go ahead.
11:09I'm going to catch up to you, baby.
11:11One day me and my goddamn buddy,
11:14we got into an argument.
11:16I was about to get me some new coochie.
11:18New shit.
11:19You know every man talk to their little buddy
11:21when he's about to get some new coochie.
11:22I said,
11:23You better get the fuck up.
11:25There's about to be some shit going on.
11:26This nigga arguing with me.
11:28No, I ain't doing shit.
11:30I choked him.
11:31I said,
11:31Get the fuck up.
11:33He said,
11:33Get the fuck off of me.
11:35I'm tired of you, motherfucker.
11:37You putting them condoms on me
11:38knowing I got asthma, bitch.
11:41I can't breathe.
11:43You keep putting me in them dark tunnels
11:45going in and out,
11:46in and out.
11:47I ain't doing shit.
11:49Let your mouth get you out of this one, bitch.
11:52So that's how I started eating pussy.
12:02And nobody don't tell you
12:04that there's instructions on the way to eat pussy.
12:07Men, we just go down there with no warning.
12:10You got to know by sound
12:11what you're doing right.
12:13If you're doing it wrong,
12:14you hear,
12:15Ooh,
12:15You got to jump up quick.
12:21Oh,
12:21I ain't supposed to be over there.
12:23Now you start letting your lips
12:25feel certain places.
12:27As soon as you hear the right sound,
12:28you're,
12:29Ooh,
12:30you stay in that area.
12:32Look up.
12:33Mm-hmm.
12:34Mm-hmm.
12:36But I didn't know
12:37that there's certain reactions.
12:39Women don't tell you
12:40when they about to have an orgasm.
12:42They know when we about to do it.
12:43They don't tell us
12:45I'm down there
12:46going all over the place.
12:48I should have known something was wrong
12:49because the sound got greater.
12:50Oh,
12:51Oh,
12:52Oh,
12:52Oh,
12:53She started doing all that shit.
12:57I hit a spot
12:58and I didn't know what the fuck I hit,
13:00but I hit something
13:01and all of a sudden,
13:01Ah,
13:02flash.
13:05I said,
13:06Hey,
13:06hold on,
13:07hold on,
13:07bitch.
13:08I don't do the pee-pee.
13:12You,
13:12you should have told a nigga
13:13you had to go do the pee-pee.
13:16She's like,
13:17No,
13:17daddy.
13:18I came.
13:19I'm a squirter.
13:20I said,
13:20I don't care how you do the pee-pee,
13:22bitch.
13:24I don't play that shit in my face.
13:28She,
13:28she said,
13:29No,
13:30I'm a squirter.
13:31When I come,
13:32it comes out.
13:33So I said,
13:34Oh,
13:35that's a good thing,
13:37huh?
13:38She was like,
13:39yes,
13:39I had an orgasm.
13:41Nobody's ever done that to me.
13:43So I went right back down.
13:46Because then now,
13:47I'm about to rock the house.
13:49I was hitting the spot,
13:50but I didn't know that there's levels.
13:53So I must have hit a main pipe.
13:57Because this shit started coming out.
13:58I said,
13:58Oh,
13:59bitch,
13:59wait a minute.
14:00Nigga needs scuba diving.
14:01Yeah,
14:01you need,
14:02I can't swim.
14:02Because women don't care.
14:09They'll laugh at you.
14:11You getting all the shit in your face,
14:13even though you,
14:14you stupid.
14:17Times have changed.
14:19Times have definitely changed.
14:22Women are so different.
14:24I swear,
14:25y'all,
14:25we can't even break up with women.
14:27No man in here knows how to say,
14:28it's over.
14:30I don't want to be with you no more.
14:31We don't know how to do that shit.
14:32We got to start an argument
14:34and wait for her to say,
14:35you know what?
14:36I don't want to deal with this no more.
14:37And we be like,
14:38for real?
14:42Women break up.
14:44And when we break up,
14:46yes,
14:46they break up.
14:47They fucking break up with us
14:48and they don't give a fuck if we hurt.
14:50And you know what,
14:50fellas?
14:51We can't talk to nobody
14:52when we broke the fuck up.
14:54Nobody will listen to us
14:55when we hurt
14:56just like a woman hurt.
14:58We talk
14:59and we get on the phone,
15:00our voice.
15:01A man hurt,
15:01you can tell by his voice.
15:03Because he get the phone call,
15:05his boy calling him,
15:06yo dog,
15:06we out this week.
15:07Hello?
15:10Nigga,
15:11we out this week,
15:12you ready to go?
15:13Yeah,
15:13yeah.
15:16And your boy be like,
15:17everything all right dog?
15:19You want to talk so bad as a man.
15:22Yeah man.
15:24He be like,
15:24what's wrong?
15:25Now that's the open opportunity
15:27for you to express yourself.
15:29Man,
15:30me and fucking Keisha,
15:32we broke up.
15:34Oh,
15:34dog,
15:34this shit.
15:36She took her shit,
15:37I took my shit.
15:39And it's over.
15:41And you crying?
15:45Nah,
15:45it's allergies.
15:48Nigga,
15:48you crying.
15:50You a bitch.
15:51Click.
15:53Women,
15:53the same scenario.
15:55Women stick together.
15:57She cries,
15:57she hurt.
15:58She don't want her friends to know.
16:00She pick up the phone.
16:01Hello?
16:03Keisha,
16:03we out this weekend.
16:04You know what time it is,
16:05girl.
16:05We gonna do that shit.
16:08All right.
16:10Keisha,
16:11what's wrong?
16:12Nothing.
16:15Bitch,
16:16what's wrong?
16:19Me and Sean,
16:20we broke up.
16:21Oh my God,
16:22this shit hurt so bad.
16:25Say no more.
16:27I'll be over in 10 minutes.
16:32And they be over in 10 minutes.
16:34The crazy shit is,
16:36you live in Atlanta,
16:36that bitch is from New York.
16:39But she at your house
16:40in fucking 10 minutes.
16:42With a whole group of bitches
16:43with pajamas
16:44and Moschino
16:45and all kinds of shit
16:46in the ground.
16:47So tell us what the fuck happened,
16:50bitch.
16:50And they sit around.
16:52And they tell.
16:53And then they bring out
16:54an itinerary.
16:55All right,
16:55we gonna get shit together.
16:58Early in the morning,
16:59they got a gym appointment.
17:00Sean,
17:01guess who's the subject at gym?
17:03Sean.
17:03All in the morning,
17:04got them little cycle bike.
17:05Fuck that nigga.
17:06Fuck that nigga.
17:07Fuck that nigga.
17:08Fuck that nigga.
17:09Fuck Sean.
17:10Fuck Sean.
17:11Next thing you know,
17:17Saturday night,
17:17they in the club.
17:20Keisha,
17:20she hurt.
17:21She drunk than a motherfucker.
17:23She dancing in the middle.
17:25And they all around her,
17:27coaching her.
17:28Go bitch.
17:29Go bitch.
17:30Go bitch.
17:31She's like,
17:32I'm going.
17:34I'm going.
17:35By Monday,
17:36she got a new fucking man.
17:42That's because they got a leader, fellas.
17:44They got a fucking leader.
17:47I didn't know this shit,
17:48but I did research.
17:49Beyonce is their fucking leader.
17:51Oh yes.
17:54Ain't no man in this building tonight
17:56know when the Beyonce album come out.
17:58We don't know it,
17:59but every woman know it
18:00because they get the shit
18:01directly by email.
18:04They singing around the house
18:05songs you don't even know
18:07the fucking words to.
18:08She running around the house.
18:09I ain't sorry.
18:11I ain't sorry.
18:13I ain't sorry.
18:14I ain't sorry.
18:16And you're like,
18:17what song is that?
18:18Boy, bye.
18:19Boy, bye.
18:26Goddamn women.
18:27They stick together.
18:30You can't even curse a woman out no more.
18:32No, you can't.
18:33I remember back in the days
18:34I used to think my father was a superhero.
18:36My mother used to talk shit to us as kids.
18:38Y'all little dirty fucks,
18:40you need to go in the room
18:40and clean the fuck up.
18:42And my father,
18:42he would just sit there.
18:43She'd be cursing us the fuck out.
18:45My father would jump up
18:46like a superhero.
18:48That shit was so smooth.
18:50Just jump up and out of nowhere.
18:52He always in the same stand.
18:53You better shut the fuck up.
18:57And he stood like that.
19:01I said,
19:01this nigga is good.
19:05I was 15 years old.
19:06Oh, you don't know how bad
19:09I wanted to grow up
19:10to tell a woman
19:11to shut the fuck up.
19:13Oh, this was my mission.
19:15I was practicing
19:15and couldn't get it at first.
19:17I was walking too fast.
19:18You better shut the fuck up.
19:18I couldn't get it.
19:21I could not get that shit.
19:23But I was practicing.
19:25My father was so smooth with it.
19:27I'll never forget.
19:28I turned 21.
19:29This was my goddamn time
19:31to do the shut the fuck up.
19:33I was practicing since I was 15.
19:36I did not know
19:37the bitch I was with
19:38was practicing too.
19:42Oh, no, sir.
19:43This was my time.
19:45We arguing.
19:46I said,
19:46I'm gonna get this bitch right now.
19:49She said something.
19:50Y'all should have saw it.
19:50It was so pretty.
19:51It was like slow motion.
19:53She said something.
19:54And I said,
19:54this is it.
19:55And I jumped right out.
19:56I said,
19:56you better shut the fuck up.
20:01And I landed.
20:03And then real time came in.
20:07And that bitch grabbed my arm
20:08and turned me around.
20:11And she said,
20:12tell me to shut the fuck up again.
20:14I'll break your fucking arm,
20:16you bitch.
20:20I said, let me go.
20:22Please,
20:24please be quiet.
20:25I'll say that from now on.
20:27Almost fucked me up.
20:31Women are different.
20:32They all think,
20:34women think that the coochie
20:35is where it's at.
20:37Every woman.
20:38Oh, fuck no.
20:39No, no.
20:41Unless your coochie can run downstairs
20:42and turn the TV channel,
20:44it's average.
20:47And all of y'all say it
20:48to some different level.
20:50It don't matter what the age
20:51if you're 20 years old,
20:53you think you got good coochie.
20:54All the way to fucking 80.
20:56Little 20 year old.
20:57You get some of this, nigga,
20:58you be zabbing.
21:01Old lady running around.
21:02Come here, nigga.
21:03Get some of this potato salad, pussy.
21:07You be like,
21:08what the fuck is potato salad, pussy.
21:17And fellas,
21:18y'all know they set us up.
21:19They set us up.
21:21Times have changed so much.
21:22They set us the fuck up.
21:24They know exactly what we want.
21:26So they give it to us
21:28around a certain time.
21:29Every man in here,
21:30we start looking for,
21:31watch this,
21:31I'm gonna prove it right now.
21:32Right after Christmas
21:35comes New Year's.
21:37New Year's come
21:38to hang out with us
21:39for one night.
21:40And then the next month comes
21:41and what is it, ladies?
21:44Valentine's Day.
21:44No, it's fucking
21:45Black History Month.
21:48But y'all don't think about that.
21:49That month,
21:50it don't matter.
21:50Not on Valentine's Month.
21:52That's what they do.
21:53They give us the same coochie
21:55they've been giving us
21:56all year.
21:56Every man in here
21:58after December,
21:59you start looking for a gift.
22:01What the fuck did I get her?
22:03What do I buy her?
22:04I bought her a ring.
22:05I bought her earrings.
22:05Do you see a woman
22:06stressing about that?
22:07No, sir.
22:08No, they give you
22:09the same shit.
22:10They coochie.
22:12But they try to make it
22:13like it's new coochie.
22:14They shave it.
22:17They shave it bald
22:18and they invite you
22:19to come in
22:19with a new necklace.
22:20They say, come here.
22:22Come here, James.
22:24I want you to see
22:25what I got for you.
22:28And you know what it is.
22:29You're like, what?
22:30What the fuck do you want?
22:32And they give it
22:33little cute names.
22:34Come here.
22:35I want you to see
22:36Mindy, Mindy, Moo Moo.
22:41And you walk in
22:42and you're like, what?
22:43I want you to see
22:44Mindy, Mindy, Moo Moo.
22:47And you see it.
22:49It's shaved so nice.
22:51It's so beautiful.
22:52You fall for it right away.
22:54Oh, wow.
22:55And what's the name of it?
23:00And she knows
23:00she got you.
23:01Mindy, Mindy, Moo Moo.
23:04And let's be honest, fellas.
23:05Some of these women
23:06shave coochie
23:07look brand new.
23:08It look closed up
23:09like a peach.
23:11You see it.
23:11You be like,
23:12oh, that's Mindy, Mindy, Moo Moo.
23:15But let's be honest.
23:17Not all coochies
23:19are closed up
23:19and not all coochies
23:21are shaved right.
23:23Some of these women
23:23look like the clippers
23:24cut the fuck off.
23:25You see a little ball spot.
23:27Clink, clink.
23:29Some of these women
23:30take their drawers off
23:31right now
23:31and look like a drunk nigga
23:32jumped the fuck out of it.
23:34You know the lips.
23:35You can pull the drawer.
23:36Who the fuck
23:37turned on the light?
23:39You kiss the pussy
23:40and kiss you back.
23:40Bitch!
23:42Pussy sitting there smoking.
23:43Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:45My name's Frank, nigga.
23:47That's why I always tell
23:51tell men
23:53if you know a woman
23:55has a charge
23:56or takes charge of you
23:57learn to love them.
23:58Learn to love them
23:59by doing crazy shit
24:00because women
24:00all of them crazy.
24:02All of them crazy.
24:03They do crazy shit.
24:04But I'm going to tell you
24:05something, ladies
24:05that you need to step
24:07your game up
24:07to another level.
24:08If you want
24:09a great relationship
24:10you have to become
24:11a crazy bitch.
24:13I'm not talking about
24:15crazy where you
24:16yelling at him
24:16in the street.
24:17Yeah, you better
24:18get your ass in here.
24:19That's not crazy.
24:21What you got to do
24:22is fuck a man's mind up.
24:23And you know
24:24when you fuck his mind up
24:25because if you see
24:26a man walk down
24:27the block
24:27and he just stop
24:28you know he fucked
24:29with a crazy girl.
24:31If he just walking
24:32and he's like...
24:34Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:37That nigga got a crazy
24:38woman in his fucking life.
24:40And you got to do
24:41crazy shit.
24:41You can't do
24:42regular shit
24:42like when y'all
24:43go home tonight.
24:44When he get in the shower
24:46you get in the shower
24:46with him
24:47but you be fully dressed
24:49and just grab the soap
24:52and say
24:52I don't like the way
24:53you've been washing
24:53your dick
24:53and walk out.
24:59You got to do
25:00crazy shit.
25:02Sweetheart,
25:03you got a man
25:03with glasses.
25:05Yes, he has glasses.
25:06You have to use
25:07that as a tool.
25:08Those ain't just to see.
25:09Tonight,
25:10you take them
25:11fucking glasses
25:11off of him.
25:12Put it on his dick,
25:13suck it and say
25:14I'll see you.
25:16I'll see you.
25:18I bet you
25:19that nigga
25:19will buy you a car
25:20with a prescription
25:20windshield on it.
25:21Go ahead.
25:27I told y'all
25:28in the beginning
25:28of my show
25:29I'm not too young
25:30and I'm not too old.
25:31I'm at an age
25:32where I'm health conscious.
25:33I got to be worried
25:34about what the fuck
25:35going on with me.
25:36So I went,
25:37my grandmother told me
25:37you better go get
25:38your prostate checked
25:39or you're going to die.
25:40I didn't know
25:41nothing about no prostate.
25:42I'm from the hood.
25:43They don't teach you that.
25:44She was like,
25:44you better go get
25:45your prostate checked
25:46or you're going to die.
25:47So I went to the doctor.
25:49All right, doc,
25:49I'm here to get
25:50the prostate checked.
25:51Gave me a robe
25:52and told me to go in the room.
25:54I said, all right.
25:55The robe didn't close.
25:57I said, hey,
25:58something missing, baby.
26:01So I didn't know
26:02what the prostate was.
26:04So he said,
26:04we need to get ready
26:05and get you the prostate.
26:08I said, all right.
26:08He said, what is you doing?
26:18I said, you've got
26:19to get the prostate out of me.
26:22So you could tell
26:23he was getting a little annoyed.
26:24He said, sir,
26:25that's not where we go
26:26through the prostate.
26:28So I said,
26:28what are you talking about?
26:29He said, we got to go
26:32up your rectum.
26:32He tried to keep it professional.
26:34I said, do what?
26:34He said, we have to go
26:37up your rectum.
26:39I said, well,
26:39how far is the fucking prostate?
26:42Because I can burp
26:44and bring the motherfucker up
26:45and you can check right here
26:48and see where the fuck is at.
26:50He said, no, sir.
26:51We have to go up your ass
26:53and get the prostate.
26:55So all I heard
26:56was my grandmother say,
26:57if you don't get
26:58your prostate checked,
26:59you're going to die.
27:01So I said, fuck it.
27:02All the thug in me,
27:03I was like,
27:03go ahead, motherfucker.
27:05Get this motherfucking
27:06prostate, bitch.
27:10So I don't know
27:11if you ever got
27:12your prostate checked,
27:13but you can,
27:14your hearing
27:14gets 10 times better
27:17than it never was before.
27:19I heard this nigga
27:20put on a glove.
27:20I didn't even see
27:21it was a blue glove,
27:22but I heard it.
27:22He sing to my finger.
27:26I heard him dig
27:27two fingers in the jelly.
27:28They was running
27:29like they had all night.
27:32He jotted up the fingers.
27:34He told me some shit
27:35and I'm going to apologize
27:36to every woman in here
27:37because I know
27:38one of us said it to you.
27:39He said, relax.
27:43I'm just going to put
27:44a little bit in.
27:49Now, let me tell you something.
27:50I'm a fucking grown man.
27:54But all of a sudden,
27:55I said, go ahead, doc.
27:56Go do what the fuck
27:57you got to do.
27:59He stuck his finger
28:01up my ass.
28:02And no matter how much
28:03man I tried to be,
28:05another motherfucker
28:07jumped out of me.
28:08I said,
28:08Oh, my God.
28:11What you do to me,
28:12bitch?
28:13I'm going to shoot you,
28:14P.L.
28:16P.L.
28:17My name is Capone,
28:18y'all.
28:18God bless, y'all.
28:19God bless, y'all.
28:49God bless, y'all.
29:19God bless, y'all.
29:49God bless, y'all.
30:19God bless, y'all.
30:49Transcription by CastingWords
31:19CastingWords
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