The Bet Full Hot Movie_2016

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Transcript

00:00:00Balding Penguin

00:00:07Balding Penguin

00:00:10Reverse Egyptian suplex, reverse Egyptian suplex, he's going for the pin, one, two, three,

00:00:36yes, it's all over, what an absolute war that was, okay wrestling fans, it's time for the main event,

00:00:44after years of heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, and shattered confidence, this young man will

00:00:49finally have one last shot at the world title, does he have any chance, if you ask this announcer,

00:00:57he's f***ed, dude, thanks for bogarting all these sweet wrestling DVDs from work, oh yeah dude,

00:01:03I'd rather you have them, seem to get thrown out when the store closes, oh, uh, keep in mind

00:01:10on dad tonight, he hasn't been the same since we moved in the garage, no problem, good luck

00:01:16on your date, maybe she'll let you sniff her, it's just dinner, dude, hey Mr. B, what you

00:01:27working on over there, completing the perfect woman, I look forward to meeting her, I already

00:01:38got started, I hope you don't mind, just need to get my drink on tonight, well I get, getting

00:01:45your drink on this evening, this is a really beautiful place you picked, I am starving, I'm

00:01:52taking a horse, that's funny, let's see, do they have horses, check, no, no, they have $30 soup though,

00:01:58so, I feel like I've been totally talking your face off about me, oh no, tell me more about you,

00:02:12I work at a video store, people store at movies, well no, actually that's kind of the problem,

00:02:21um, I don't know, I think it's kind of sad that people don't go to video stores anymore,

00:02:24it's kind of an Americana sort of thing, I don't know, I, going, Brandon, oh no, I'm Denton,

00:02:30Shaniqua, Danielle, holy shit, I don't care, come here, come here, you look amazing,

00:02:38thank you, okay, uh, Brandon, this is Denton, on a date with a real girl, good for you,

00:02:44buddy, it's just like a blind date sort of thing, it's gone bad, oh, I'm right here,

00:02:49I figured it was, hey, you know what, I made some improvements to the old, it's your June

00:02:52train, if you want to, uh, come, for like a ride, you know, maybe I'll argue a lot,

00:02:59that a girl, okay, so, thank you so much, this has been really great, and, um, yeah, good luck

00:03:05with the whole video store job thingy, okay, bye, thank you, thank you, I can't sell my drink,

00:03:14hey, Denton, I'm gonna be ready, Chief,

00:03:19it's all over, folks, he f***ed that one up,

00:03:25that was awesome, dad, come on, come on, let's go to bed, huh,

00:03:35come on, let's go to bed, oh, so, that was the big date, oh, it was not good, it was not,

00:03:48in fact, it was pretty terrible, well, life is a series of miserable dates, oh, oh, terrific,

00:03:59oh, my, I got one, Kendra McNulty,

00:04:08Kendra McNulty, she was fine, and she would have got that root,

00:04:15that was a goddamn ball, those f***s paid off the up again, all right, stat me, well, according to this,

00:04:22dyke piazza, you're 0-4 for the entire day, so it looks like all that money spent on glare protection

00:04:27is really working out for you, you bullsh**t, what the hell is this, oh, it's a list of all the

00:04:34hottest girls we went to school with, Kendra McNulty, please, you want to talk about fine

00:04:39middle school p***s, Haley Matthews, oh, yeah, Haley Matthews, yo, that was the first girl in our

00:04:47grade to have sex, right, oh, yeah, she sunk a f***ing clock on the eighth grade field trip,

00:04:51no, that was Mikey Milligan, how do you know, because I was sitting in between them,

00:04:56oof, I cannot believe you let her do a flyover, next time a girl tries to do that,

00:05:02in her pocket, if I could do it all over again, I would have a vault of Vatch to dive into,

00:05:06they would call me Scrooge McF***, I literally don't think anybody would ever call you that,

00:05:11a couple people might, you guys talking DuckTales, wait, apologies for getting you wet with a cartoon

00:05:17analogy, but can you please not interrupt serious conversations about, hey, Dem, what do you

00:05:22think, want to send another one of your ladies out here so we can end this and go home, I got hot

00:05:26yoga, oh, I'm dead, Wiggins, get up there and smash the ball down that motherfucker's throat,

00:05:32will do, coach, here we go, do it, Ken Spiffy Jr., mm, two for two,

00:05:41good hustle, good hustle, Wiggins, good hustle,

00:05:44dropping dimes Brandon, now Betty, Wiggins, come on dude, really, you're gonna text during the game,

00:05:50it's called sexting you f***ing nerd, oh yeah, is it prepaid, no, it's unlimited like your mom,

00:05:57right, shit, Jackson, you gotta chill dude, have you forgotten, when old man Lucas shuts down the

00:06:02video store, our team goes with it, look at that old f*** out there, rubbing our faces in his s***,

00:06:08our face is right in his s***, Eddie, honey, I just finished my workout, but I'm gonna go pick

00:06:14up a six pack, we're still watching the game tonight, right, absolutely baby, all right, see you

00:06:17tonight, love you, I would totally go big on your wife, strike three, going down swinging like your

00:06:26girlfriend on my d*** last night, joke's on you, I don't have a girlfriend, horribly embarrassing,

00:06:32bring it in, you guys suck dick, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, madam, f*** you,

00:06:37so what about her, always have, always well, oh, hey, you checking out my mom's ass perverts?

00:06:46Yeah, I thought that was your stepmom's ass, f*** you, Jackson, you f***ing Ewok, by the way,

00:06:52saw your game today, 0 for 4, nice, what's this, hand that to me,

00:07:00you're making a list of all the girls you wish you f*** in school, that's hilarious,

00:07:03because I have a list of the girls I did f*** in school, search your scene, it's a big f***ing

00:07:06list, hey, Denton could f*** every girl on that list, wait, wait, I'll let the band speak,

00:07:10I'm sorry, you think Denton can get through this whole list, every name, could you do that, Denton?

00:07:14Well, I didn't say anything, I, maybe her, God, I smell a bet coming on,

00:07:18I wish any of you f***ers said anything of value, anything, I'd drain you for every penny,

00:07:22mm, in the meantime, we got a train to catch, enjoy tickling each other's p****s ladies,

00:07:30This place is jumping. How do you have any movies left?

00:07:47What's up guys? How you doing?

00:07:49Good. We're just doing some man stuff around the corner. Figured we'd stop by.

00:07:53Say what's up.

00:07:54What's up?

00:07:55We still on for Taco Tuesdays?

00:07:57God, yes please.

00:07:59Any chance we can push that up a little bit? I have a training session tonight.

00:08:02A training sesh?

00:08:04Yeah. Short for session.

00:08:06Okay. Who are you training tonight?

00:08:08I haven't decided yet.

00:08:10Hi. Hey, how's it going?

00:08:12How's it going?

00:08:13Yeah.

00:08:14Why don't you smell that?

00:08:17Smell it?

00:08:19What does that smell like to you?

00:08:21Kind of like envelope glue?

00:08:23Smells like a sweaty asshole.

00:08:25Here, try this one.

00:08:29Dude, all of your movies smell like a fucking asshole.

00:08:33Smells like a bottle.

00:08:34Really?

00:08:35Now my player smells like a fucking asshole.

00:08:37You guys sitting on this shit?

00:08:41Delivery for Lucas Gourmet condoms.

00:08:44You know what? Actually that goes across the street to the company over there.

00:08:47They're not getting stuff here until the end of the summer.

00:08:49Those fuckers are getting packages here already?

00:08:51I don't give two shits.

00:08:52This is what it says on the package.

00:08:54This is where I'm dropping it.

00:08:56Hey!

00:08:57Why don't you smell this thing?

00:08:59What does it smell like to you?

00:09:01Smells like wet, dirty assholes.

00:09:05What the fuck are you guys doing here?

00:09:14Denton!

00:09:15What's up?

00:09:16Hi!

00:09:17Broom.

00:09:18Denise!

00:09:19That was close.

00:09:20You almost had it.

00:09:21Sorry.

00:09:22Um, you guys are actually already having packages delivered to the video store.

00:09:26Oh, sorry.

00:09:27Denise!

00:09:28One sec.

00:09:29Uh-huh.

00:09:30Okay.

00:09:31I'll send him back.

00:09:32Hey!

00:09:33Yes!

00:09:34Mr. Lucas wants to see you.

00:09:35He's in Brandon's office.

00:09:37Okay, just right around the corner.

00:09:38Oh, uh, how does he know I'm here?

00:09:40Because they're watching.

00:09:42And you have your Taco Tuesday with your friends later at La Cabana.

00:09:47How did you know that?

00:09:52Good luck with the old man.

00:09:53Okay?

00:09:54It'll be fine.

00:09:58It's supposed to taste good not to prevent herpes or anything for Christ's sake.

00:10:01Hey!

00:10:02Denton!

00:10:03What's up, man?

00:10:04Oh, I meant to say congratulations on f***ing Danielle.

00:10:05That's awesome.

00:10:06Oh, I didn't...

00:10:07I didn't...

00:10:08I'm sorry.

00:10:09No, no, no, no.

00:10:10That was me.

00:10:11I f***ed twice.

00:10:12We filmed it, actually.

00:10:13Uh, what was the movie called?

00:10:14Oh, uh, The Great Train Blowjobbery.

00:10:15Give me all your cunny bits!

00:10:17Uh, did Danielle know that you were filming her?

00:10:19What are you f***ing stupid?

00:10:21Like we asked permission to film her?

00:10:23Train porno.

00:10:24It's the world's fastest growing fetish.

00:10:25We're the Lucas and Serge burger of the genre.

00:10:27Shag Hard Express.

00:10:29Missionary Possible.

00:10:30Me Hard on the Orient Express.

00:10:32Uh, Trains, Planes, and Cock is your meal.

00:10:34F***ing classics, bro.

00:10:35Amen, sister.

00:10:36Tell him Mr. Lucas said, f*** you.

00:10:38Didn't.

00:10:40Thought you came by.

00:10:42It's a big day, man.

00:10:44After my ground-breaking career in the flavored jimmy biz,

00:10:48I'll be retiring at the end of the summer.

00:10:51So Brandon's your new point person in regards to the takeover.

00:10:55Now I want my product in that bullshit video store within 90 days.

00:11:00Yes, sir.

00:11:01We've started our move out and we will be out on time.

00:11:04You damn well better.

00:11:05You know, you should've just closed that shithole today.

00:11:07I mean, what the hell have you wasted your whole damn life for in there?

00:11:11Well, uh, it means something to me, sir.

00:11:16I can remember all of the best times growing up going to that video store.

00:11:22And I made all my best friends there.

00:11:24And I know people don't rent at a video store anymore.

00:11:27I know that's kind of in the past, but it's made me who I am.

00:11:34A huge pussy.

00:11:35Oh, shit.

00:11:36Hit him in the low, dawg, is that right?

00:11:37We didn't go wrong, Tim.

00:11:39All right, all right.

00:11:40Son, you're either a born loser or a winner.

00:11:45Take Brandon here.

00:11:47The day his mama shit him out of her f***ing joke,

00:11:51God rest her soul.

00:11:53He hit the ground in the winter.

00:11:54Yeah.

00:11:55Sergiu another hand.

00:11:56I'm a real f*** up.

00:11:58Hon, let me tell you what success is.

00:12:03You see, I wake up in the morning,

00:12:06I slam me down a Red Bull and some vodka,

00:12:09go clubbing with some young pung,

00:12:11take me some biaggies,

00:12:13and at the end of the night,

00:12:15I squeeze me some of the finest little young ta-tas money can buy.

00:12:21They're very big.

00:12:23You see, I can smell success.

00:12:30Just like the old man on a friggin' whiff of it on you.

00:12:35You know what?

00:12:37If he's your old man.

00:12:39That's barbecue flavor.

00:12:41That's his favorite.

00:12:43Give him something.

00:12:45Anything.

00:12:47As far as you two,

00:12:49don't forget, promotional party tonight,

00:12:51peppermint sea prum,

00:12:53first lap dances on me.

00:12:55Yeah, Daddy.

00:12:56The second lap dances on me, too.

00:12:58Honey, it's one o'clock.

00:13:02It's time for our couple's mani-pedi.

00:13:04Hi, Daddy.

00:13:06Hi, Kirsten.

00:13:07Hey, it's Mrs. Lucas to you.

00:13:08Manny-pedi headache, here we go.

00:13:13Woo!

00:13:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, Baker.

00:13:16Where the f*** you think you're going?

00:13:18Sit down.

00:13:19Are you done being mean to me?

00:13:23I've got a present for you.

00:13:28It's a go, bitch.

00:13:29You tell your little bub buddies over there

00:13:31at that stupid video store

00:13:32that the CEO of Lucas' gourmet condom

00:13:34signed off on everything.

00:13:36Rosenberg's screwed up in legal.

00:13:37He's a Jew, so I assume it's binding and everything.

00:13:40You know?

00:13:41I'm gonna watch you fail,

00:13:42and I'm gonna love every second of it.

00:13:44Every.

00:13:45Damn.

00:13:47Second.

00:13:48Second.

00:13:49Of it.

00:13:53Is that... did you... can I go now?

00:13:55Get the f*** out of here.

00:13:57Let the games begin!

00:14:01Cocksmoke!

00:14:02Better.

00:14:08What the hell was this?!

00:14:11There he is!

00:14:13That, you lucky mothaf***er,

00:14:15is a legal and binding document.

00:14:16That's right.

00:14:17Me and Jackson sat down with Lucas' legal team this morning

00:14:19and hammered out all the details.

00:14:20I have to sleep with twelve girls this summer

00:14:23or the Lucases get my house?!

00:14:25Well, you're renting out your house.

00:14:27To that asshole bub.

00:14:28Technically, you live in the garage.

00:14:30What, are you guys lawyers now?

00:14:31Huh?

00:14:32Well, I actually had a lawyer look over the details.

00:14:34Hello, officers of Charles McD.

00:14:41And he may or may not be my uncle.

00:14:44Uh...

00:14:45Kind of contract?

00:14:46Um...

00:14:48Uh...

00:14:50Yeah...

00:14:51You're good, man.

00:14:52You're good.

00:14:53But don't worry, man.

00:14:54We did all the legwork for you.

00:14:59Oh, my God.

00:15:01That, my friend, is nine of your school crushes.

00:15:05You actually picked out most of them yourself.

00:15:08Wait, what are the two empty slots for?

00:15:10Oh, you get to pick the two wildcard bitches.

00:15:12That's right.

00:15:13As long as we can prove you went to school with them,

00:15:15you can decide whoever you want.

00:15:16Well, now I think it's time for a celebratory shake.

00:15:19Gentlemen?

00:15:20Yes?

00:15:21100% all right.

00:15:22Thanks, though.

00:15:23What the fuck's going on here?

00:15:25Sorry, Bob.

00:15:26Sorry is right, you sorry motherfuckers.

00:15:29What's those white bitches doing on the wall?

00:15:31Oh, these are all the girls that didn't went to school with.

00:15:34Yeah, he's gonna f*** them.

00:15:35He's gonna f*** him?

00:15:36That guy is gonna f*** him?

00:15:37He's gonna get f***ed?

00:15:38You don't necessarily have to sleep with him.

00:15:40Oh, no.

00:15:41You just gotta bust a fat f***.

00:15:43It doesn't matter how.

00:15:44Uh, handy.

00:15:46Beach.

00:15:47Missionary.

00:15:48Old country.

00:15:49Doggy.

00:15:50Bukkake.

00:15:51Gangbang.

00:15:52Facial.

00:15:5369.

00:15:54Come dump truck.

00:15:55Shitty kitty.

00:15:56Oh, I like that one.

00:15:57Shitty kitty.

00:15:58Shitty kitty.

00:15:59Siberian jizz-sicle.

00:16:00You know what I like?

00:16:01F***ing Nigerian cocksicle.

00:16:02That's what I like.

00:16:03To drill the s*** out your big dry f***ing asses.

00:16:06Bye, Bob.

00:16:07Good job.

00:16:08Thanks.

00:16:09That's right.

00:16:10We just need to have solid evidence of each hookup.

00:16:11Guys, I can't do this.

00:16:13This is your chance, D.

00:16:14Your biological cock is ticking, man.

00:16:17Dude, if you do this, you get 100% of the Lucas Gourmet Condom Company.

00:16:22You get everything.

00:16:23All associated properties and holdings.

00:16:24The video store stays open, and we can still play ball.

00:16:28You can't lose the team, D.

00:16:30You get everything.

00:16:31Jackson might kill himself.

00:16:33And after what Mr. Lucas did to your dad.

00:16:37Think about it.

00:16:39Yeah.

00:16:40Hey, champ.

00:16:41Oh, hey, Mr. Blosky.

00:16:42How you doing?

00:16:43You're kidding.

00:16:44Hi.

00:16:45Is your dad home?

00:16:46Nope.

00:16:47Don't think he's...

00:16:48No.

00:16:49Is everything okay?

00:16:50No.

00:16:51No.

00:16:52Your dad's been...

00:16:53He's been stealing my son's Legos.

00:16:56What?

00:16:57Are you sure?

00:16:58I've been picking them up all day.

00:16:59Legos.

00:17:00From my house to your house.

00:17:01He's had a rough go of it.

00:17:03Well, I think he's getting worse.

00:17:05Okay.

00:17:06He's been stealing my son's Legos.

00:17:09What? Are you sure?

00:17:13I've been picking them up all day. Legos.

00:17:16From my house to your house.

00:17:18He's had a rough go of it.

00:17:21Well, I think he's getting worse.

00:17:36Maybe those assholes are right.

00:17:41Fuck yeah, we are.

00:17:43Get up, man. We got chicks to do.

00:17:46What is Scott Quaker doing up there?

00:17:49You're gonna laugh at this.

00:17:51He's actually one of your dates.

00:17:53No! No, no!

00:17:55Okay, look, for two of the dates, you only have to kiss.

00:17:57It's supposed to be 12 girls.

00:17:59You and Snot Shaker were inseparable in the third grade.

00:18:02Everybody knows you had a crush on him. Lucas wouldn't budge.

00:18:04I didn't have a crush on him.

00:18:06Listen, guys didn't even like girls in the third grade.

00:18:08I love in the third grade.

00:18:10Ask Wiggins.

00:18:11Yeah, it's pretty gross.

00:18:13Here's the dossier for your first date.

00:18:14We picked the sluttiest one first, seventh grade.

00:18:17Hayley Matthews?

00:18:18I haven't even talked to her in like 15 years.

00:18:21Surprise again!

00:18:23You've actually been talking to her all day, online.

00:18:25We told you to ride a Harley, though, because she's into bad boys.

00:18:28You sold me as a bad boy to Hayley Matthews?

00:18:31How am I actually gonna impress a girl like that?

00:18:33This Denton clearly isn't doing the trick.

00:18:36Fuck no.

00:18:37But, I mean, what's wrong with me?

00:18:39I'm fine, right?

00:18:40Okay, I guess I'll start.

00:18:42Um, you don't put any product in your hair?

00:18:46You're always talking about bands that no one's ever heard of?

00:18:48Like, I'm sorry guys, but who the fuck is Black Sabbath?

00:18:51Yeah, man. You live in a garage.

00:18:55Wiggins, you live in a garage with me.

00:18:58Oh, yeah.

00:19:00You're gonna have to shave your shaft.

00:19:03Your taint.

00:19:04Your grundle.

00:19:05Your satchel page, man.

00:19:06You gotta be as bald as a Scandinavian turtle.

00:19:09It's gonna fucking shine.

00:19:10I gotta see my face in your right nut, man.

00:19:12Look, I'm dressed like a Crip stepfather right now.

00:19:16Does it matter?

00:19:17No.

00:19:18Because I'm confident.

00:19:19You just gotta be confident in who you are.

00:19:22Or, in this case, who you are not.

00:19:30Look, man.

00:19:31I get it.

00:19:32You're in a rut.

00:19:34Are you gonna do something about it?

00:19:36If you're not gonna do it for you?

00:19:39All right, let's do it.

00:19:49Nice.

00:19:50Fuck yeah.

00:19:51Hi.

00:19:53Uh..

00:19:54Is it?

00:19:55I'm sorry.

00:19:56Is this 264 Pacific?

00:19:59Tintin.

00:20:00Hi, uh, is it, I'm sorry, is this, uh, 264 Pacific?

00:20:12Tenten.

00:20:13Hey, girly, what's your name is?

00:20:15Ass so fab, but that way's so framish.

00:20:17It's all goody as long as I get a woody.

00:20:19You can pack, pack, put your neck all baby in plantasins.

00:20:22Hi.

00:20:23Hi, Hailey.

00:20:24You look so great.

00:20:25You, you look, I can't tell.

00:20:28I know, right, I mean, who would've thought?

00:20:31Not me.

00:20:35Where's your Harley?

00:20:37Uh, yeah, it's, uh, it's in the shop.

00:20:40Seat's, seat's broken.

00:20:42Oh, well, we're all ready to go.

00:20:45We?

00:20:46Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

00:20:51Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

00:20:56Let me tell you what you're nothing when

00:20:58You get all your friends a standing invitation, la la la.

00:21:04I got a loft on, bend down.

00:21:09He used to be mine.

00:21:12There's nothing but noise and grain.

00:21:14People sleeping everywhere.

00:21:17Got a gift by the clean town.

00:21:19Sleeping on courts of bed.

00:21:22The weather comes every day.

00:21:25Swing away.

00:21:27Let me tell you what you're doing.

00:21:28We're on rocks tonight, baby!

00:21:31My therapist thought it would be a good idea if I had a major life change.

00:21:44So here I am.

00:21:46Wow, this is a big one.

00:21:48Yeah, I started a pretty sweet softball team with my buddies.

00:21:57My dad's building a woman out of Legos.

00:22:03Um, I sell my sperm at a sperm bank.

00:22:07I thought you were a cage fighter.

00:22:09Uh, yeah, I, here's the interesting part of the story.

00:22:15Well, um, the best part of the story is coming right now.

00:22:20I was living in this, uh, apartment.

00:22:22And there was this, uh, old Asian handyman who taught me to, to paint fences and, and, and, and, and wash cars.

00:22:34Stuff like that.

00:22:35So, um, but I, you know what?

00:22:40I was like, this sucks.

00:22:43Being a teen with, with problems and no direction, this is not the life I want.

00:22:48But, you know, turns out he was a martial arts master and he taught me a few things.

00:22:53He was a, uh, blonde kid with feathered hair giving me a rash of shit.

00:22:57And I was like, let's enter a tournament together of karate.

00:23:01And I, I crank kicked him in the face.

00:23:06And that sort of thing just, you know, naturally leads to cage fighting.

00:23:10That's so cool.

00:23:12Yeah.

00:23:13What's your finishing move?

00:23:15Hmm?

00:23:16Finishing, the finishing move is the head butt to the nuts.

00:23:23Yeah.

00:23:24I get a handful of those nards and I just boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:23:28Six or seven times.

00:23:29Wow.

00:23:30So, um, you have a girlfriend or a wife or something?

00:23:37Nah, I don't need the ag, you know?

00:23:39Yeah.

00:23:40Yeah, it's just my chopper, cage, and tats.

00:23:46Tattoos?

00:23:47Yep.

00:23:48Yep, yeah.

00:23:49It's a full back piece.

00:23:50Yeah.

00:23:51Two hours of work.

00:23:52It's a Yakuza tattoo.

00:23:53Yeah, but instead of, uh, Samurai, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:23:58Squat thrusting.

00:24:00Mars.

00:24:01Oh.

00:24:02I've got to see that.

00:24:05No, I can't, baby.

00:24:06No, I can't do it.

00:24:07What?

00:24:08Yeah, it melted off in the explosion when I was escaping the state pen.

00:24:12Oh, my God.

00:24:13That is so...

00:24:15Oh, yeah.

00:24:16Yeah.

00:24:17Oh.

00:24:18What?

00:24:19The sisters warned me this could happen.

00:24:24What, what, what could happen?

00:24:27Well, thank you.

00:24:28Huh?

00:24:29Uh.

00:24:30What?

00:24:31What?

00:24:32How is this?

00:24:33Ah.

00:24:34I will never forget the time we've spent together.

00:24:38Your life lessons and blessings will stay with me all the days of my life

00:24:45Unfortunately the exorcism performed on my devil has failed

00:24:51I

00:24:54Want you to me to like tap out

00:25:08Oh

00:25:1911 to go boys. Yes nice details details. It was unreal. She did like porno stuff

00:25:29butthole oh

00:25:32Yes

00:25:38Oh

00:25:44It's everywhere

00:25:46I would don't kiss Leo DiCaprio you're saying his supple lips. It's possible that whenever

00:25:55Straight up now tell me did you really clap-trap Matthews? That's disgusting. I hope you double bagged it man, but because I'm a gentleman and a scholar

00:26:04Got you a little present brain jimmies on this

00:26:06Oh

00:26:08Come on stop it. Oh

00:26:10Hey grandma's I want to keep it

00:26:14Hashtag blessed hashtag clean these up you fucking idiot

00:26:22Wiggins hand me a condom

00:26:27Brussels sprouts or Thai sweet chili

00:26:30Thai sweet

00:26:33Chili

00:26:36All right

00:26:38All right

00:26:44Welcome to church gentlemen

00:26:47Oh remember ed said uh smart girls want to be hot and hot girls want to be smart

00:26:55Fuck does ed know he's home with his wife

00:26:56You must be really good at math to be able to count up all those ones

00:27:12Oh

00:27:14Yeah, I guess I mean it can be really hard to keep track of especially if people throw in fives when they really like me

00:27:20That's a valid point

00:27:22Did you want to get a lap dance

00:27:24They're two for one right now that means that you get two lap dances, but you only pay for one

00:27:31Wow, you are good at math that's yeah, I would I would love one

00:27:36Two

00:27:36I've just received news from the other side

00:27:52Oh

00:27:54The dark lord has special instructions for us

00:27:57Oh, how's he doing?

00:27:58Oh

00:28:01He's well and says thank you for asking

00:28:04Oh, you're welcome

00:28:07You're welcome

00:28:08I'm

00:28:12I'm getting a message from the dark lord himself right now

00:28:16What news does he bring?

00:28:22He says that we should consummate our unholy treat on this unhallowed ground this very eve

00:28:29He does mm-hmm. Yes. Yes, he does

00:28:37Then you must be the chosen one. I am I'm totally that guy then we must commence this ritual immediately

00:28:43Okay

00:28:44Here put this on the neighbors are always complaining about the noise. It'll just take a minute

00:28:55Oh, don't worry it only hurts a little bit

00:28:59Oh

00:29:29Oh

00:29:41You ready?

00:29:42You ready?

00:29:46Let's go

00:29:59I'm

00:30:03Mark?

00:30:04Harley?

00:30:05Harley?

00:30:06Hey!

00:30:11No!

00:30:17Come on, Mark!

00:30:17Come on!

00:30:19You're so heavy, Mark!

00:30:20He's gonna be on the plane!

00:30:22Hey Garrett!

00:30:23He's gonna be on the plane!

00:30:24I'm gonna go grab him on the plane!

00:30:26Hey, thank you!

00:30:27Are you prepared?

00:30:37That's a big dragon, huh?

00:30:39He's a big sharp teeth.

00:30:41What does he say?

00:30:43Rawr!

00:30:47Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?

00:30:49Oh no, I'm just checking out this hot check.

00:30:53Oh, you know what? No, no, I love kids!

00:30:55They don't love, they don't...

00:30:59Hey!

00:31:01Hi!

00:31:03Oh my god, Denton?

00:31:05Oh my god! Denton Baker?

00:31:07From Abrams Elementary, right?

00:31:09Yeah, Brandon Morrison!

00:31:11Wow, you got tall?

00:31:13You're, you're big.

00:31:17God, that is crazy.

00:31:19I can't believe you still hang out with those guys.

00:31:21What is Jackson up to?

00:31:23Uh, Jackson thinks he's a personal trainer.

00:31:27Wait, what?

00:31:29Yeah, yeah.

00:31:31He got in shape?

00:31:32No, no he did not.

00:31:33He just, uh, he works the graveyard shift at the 24-hour gym.

00:31:37So, like, one person comes in and he's like,

00:31:39Oh, I'm personally training you.

00:31:41Okay, that makes more sense.

00:31:42Yeah.

00:31:43Yeah.

00:31:44What about you?

00:31:45What have you been up to?

00:31:46Where are you working now?

00:31:47Um, I, uh, I got into, uh, cage fighting.

00:31:52Really?

00:31:53Cage?

00:31:54Mm-hmm.

00:31:55Like, like, toy?

00:31:56Yeah, I know you.

00:31:58Seriously, where are you working now?

00:32:00Uh, actually I'm in the movie business.

00:32:03That's even worse than cage fighting!

00:32:05Yeah, well, it's kind of true.

00:32:07I, I still work at, uh, Video Funtime.

00:32:10Really?

00:32:11Still?

00:32:12Yeah.

00:32:13Well, not for much longer, actually,

00:32:15because the Lucases bought out the building.

00:32:17For their gourmet condom business.

00:32:19That is, that's disgusting.

00:32:22Yeah.

00:32:23Um, well, this is me.

00:32:27So, um, super cool bumping into you, Denton.

00:32:34Uh, you know what?

00:32:36Would you want to continue this conversation sometime?

00:32:40Nope.

00:32:42Is that a, what is?

00:32:45Yes.

00:32:46Oh, okay.

00:32:47Yeah, I would love to catch up some more.

00:32:48Cool, cool.

00:32:49Uh, how, how, how's eight tonight?

00:32:51Is that...

00:32:52Uh, yeah!

00:32:53Sure!

00:32:54We can, um, we can get that cup of coffee.

00:32:57Cool.

00:32:59Here, I, um...

00:33:07Meet me here.

00:33:11Stop looking at my c*****, man!

00:33:13I'm not!

00:33:14You're peeing on the bathroom side.

00:33:16I'm doing dishes on the right side.

00:33:19Where the f**k have you been?

00:33:21Well, I'm sorry, Schwarzkopf.

00:33:22I was busy playing stalker at the daycare.

00:33:24In fact, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested.

00:33:26Oh, yeah, that Morrison chick.

00:33:27How's she looking nowadays?

00:33:29Ah, great.

00:33:30Yeah, she seems really cool, too.

00:33:32Yeah?

00:33:33How'd you hit that?

00:33:34H.J.?

00:33:35No.

00:33:36I did not.

00:33:37You know, B.J.?

00:33:38No.

00:33:39F.J.?

00:33:40Did you get one of those F.J.'s in there?

00:33:42I didn't get an F.J.

00:33:43I didn't have quite the time that I needed.

00:33:45I couldn't close the deal.

00:33:46But right now, I'm actually going to see Amanda.

00:33:48Wait, but this is a mandatory meeting.

00:33:49You can do this one without me.

00:33:51I swear to God, you're doing amazing work.

00:33:52Goodbye!

00:33:53Ken, remember, to be the man, you have to beat off the man.

00:33:56It's beat the man.

00:33:58If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.

00:34:00You don't want to beat him off.

00:34:02Yeah.

00:34:03But do you remember that story that you got up in front of the entire second grade class

00:34:09and you read it out loud to everybody?

00:34:11Yeah!

00:34:12Wow, I can't believe you remember that.

00:34:14Of course I do.

00:34:15Donnie the Lucky Donkey.

00:34:17Actually, it was Donnie the down-on-his-luck donkey.

00:34:21Yeah.

00:34:23How come, how did you never get married?

00:34:26Well, my dad was in the Coast Guard, so we moved around a lot when I was a kid,

00:34:30and then I guess after I got my teaching degree, I carried on the family tradition.

00:34:35So you're saying you're a gypsy?

00:34:36No, I'm not a gypsy.

00:34:38Sounds like what a gypsy would say.

00:34:40No, my girlfriends are all getting married and having kids,

00:34:43and I'm just happy that I finally found a place to settle down and write.

00:34:47Oh, you're a writer.

00:34:48Well, I'm writing a book.

00:34:50It's a self-help book about how parents aren't really instilling enough self-confidence in their kids

00:34:57and the effect that it has on them later on in their adult lives.

00:35:01What about you?

00:35:02It's hard to go out and date when you're living in a garage with your dad.

00:35:07Oh, that's hysterical.

00:35:12Oh, God, you're really serious.

00:35:15Uh, kinda.

00:35:17How did that happen?

00:35:19God, I thought your dad was a successful inventor.

00:35:21Well, he was until his greatest invention was stolen out from right underneath him.

00:35:26What was it?

00:35:27Gourmet condom?

00:35:29No.

00:35:30Mm-hmm.

00:35:31Wait, how did your dad even come up with the idea for a gourmet condom in the first place?

00:35:36I don't wanna do this.

00:35:37See, we're having coffee.

00:35:38It's a really wonderful time.

00:35:39I don't wanna screw it.

00:35:40Oh, come on!

00:35:41I can't go back.

00:35:42You know, once I say it, it can't be unsaid.

00:35:44I dare you.

00:35:45Bring it on.

00:35:46Let's go.

00:35:47Gross me out.

00:35:48Before I was born, my parents went on this kind of zany, wacky diet where they couldn't

00:35:52eat anything after midnight.

00:35:53My mom goes off to the other room to put on something a little more comfortable.

00:35:57My dad, seeing this as an opportunity to cheat on the diet, grabs barbecue chicken wing

00:36:02and starts mowing down on him.

00:36:03Afray of all this, he gets the chicken drippings all over his junk.

00:36:11My mom sneaks in, surprised the hell out of him.

00:36:14Philip, you taste delicious.

00:36:16His wheels started turning and the rest is history.

00:36:19My dad doesn't know how to balance a checkbook, let alone run a company.

00:36:23So, Mr. Lucas offers his help.

00:36:25In the interim, my mom gets sick.

00:36:27Lucas says, you know what?

00:36:28Don't worry about it.

00:36:29While you're gone, I will get this business started and running.

00:36:32So, we're watching TV a couple weeks later.

00:36:34There's an ad for Lucas's gourmet condoms.

00:36:38Didn't you guys get a lawyer?

00:36:39Anything?

00:36:40We got a lawyer.

00:36:41We tried to do all that, but my dad didn't have any copyrights.

00:36:43He didn't have any proof, like solid evidence.

00:36:45And from then on, it's just been this, uh, downward spiral.

00:36:49Oh, my God.

00:36:50That is so fucked up.

00:36:52But you know what?

00:36:53This actually would make a really great example for my book.

00:36:57Hear me out.

00:36:58Your complete and utter lack of self-confidence has led you to be not only jobless, but homeless

00:37:06and girl-less as well.

00:37:07Oh, my God.

00:37:09No, seriously.

00:37:11The only thing that you are lacking is testicular fortitude.

00:37:15What are you talking about?

00:37:16Balls, Denton.

00:37:18Look, I am, I am, I'm very confident.

00:37:22Really?

00:37:23Uh, oh, oh, hi.

00:37:25I'm Denton.

00:37:26Would you maybe, like, wanna, I don't know, go on a coffee date with me?

00:37:30Even though all I'm gonna do is drink peppermint tea.

00:37:32That was a C-minus impression at best.

00:37:35Oh, really?

00:37:36What is this pussy-ass drink?

00:37:38It's filled with antioxidants and fights cervical cancer.

00:37:42So you look kinda dumb right now.

00:37:44Look, this is gonna be the summer that I change your life.

00:37:49And I get to document it in my book.

00:37:52Help, I have the balls of an eight-year-old.

00:37:55Elegant, yet sexy.

00:37:57I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

00:37:58You think about it.

00:37:59I'll be back.

00:38:00Scream that title again?

00:38:01What was this?

00:38:02Shut up!

00:38:03Denton.

00:38:04You're my fucking hero, man.

00:38:07It's been an honor watching you point your kill tonight.

00:38:10Uh...

00:38:11I know you're gonna fuck these hot bitches.

00:38:14Mmm.

00:38:15Shhh.

00:38:16How?

00:38:17How do you know about that?

00:38:18Sensei Jackson didn't tell you about me?

00:38:20I'm his star pupil, man.

00:38:22Remember a couple years back when that guy had to be cut out of his house?

00:38:25Yeah.

00:38:26That was me.

00:38:27I weighed 750 fucking pounds.

00:38:30I had to prop my titties up on a towel rack just to dry them off.

00:38:34That's about when Sensei Jackson found me.

00:38:37He put me on a grueling training reg.

00:38:39Had me sucking on his sweet, delicious power shakes.

00:38:44He fucking saved my life, man.

00:38:46The dude is a saint.

00:38:48Hey, you autographed me.

00:38:49Go!

00:38:50Hey!

00:38:53Uh...

00:38:54Want to get out of here?

00:38:55Yes.

00:38:56Let's.

00:38:59Hope you two had a great night.

00:39:01You're the shit, dude!

00:39:03The shit!

00:39:04Free video.

00:39:05Free video.

00:39:06Free video.

00:39:07Free video.

00:39:08Free video.

00:39:09Free video.

00:39:10Free video.

00:39:11Free video.

00:39:12Free video.

00:39:13Free video.

00:39:14Free video.

00:39:15Free video.

00:39:16Why would you...

00:39:17No, wait.

00:39:18One of your crushes has got...

00:39:19Who?

00:39:20E-Man!

00:39:21What's up, dog?

00:39:22Hi!

00:39:23Hello.

00:39:24Let me see if you're my bro.

00:39:25Please stay.

00:39:26Talk to me.

00:39:27Any new jizz flicks drop?

00:39:29Everything new's in the back, Scott.

00:39:31Alright, sweet.

00:39:32I'll be back in a sec.

00:39:33Cause it only takes me a minute to sin it.

00:39:35You remember now.

00:39:36Come on.

00:39:37He seems like a power top.

00:39:39You into that?

00:39:40Wiggins?

00:39:41Dude, I'm not fucking up with a dude, dude.

00:39:44Okay, well first of all, if you did, I'm a good enough friend that I wouldn't tell anybody.

00:39:48Second of all, all you have to do is give him a little bit of tongue and just...

00:39:51I'm not gonna do it, man.

00:39:52I don't care.

00:39:53Jackson's gonna have to figure this out.

00:39:54I'm not gonna do it.

00:39:55I'll lose the whole bet.

00:39:56I don't care.

00:39:57Hey, what bet you boys talking about?

00:39:58Nothing.

00:39:59Nothing.

00:40:00Alright, fuck it.

00:40:01Well, I got my MMA.

00:40:02I got my porno.

00:40:03I'm ready to jack and jack off.

00:40:05Right there.

00:40:06You know, hit me.

00:40:07That's pretty literal.

00:40:08Yeah, look.

00:40:09Okay, we got Ben Hur.

00:40:10Citizen Kane.

00:40:11Woodfellas.

00:40:12Deep Impact.

00:40:13Oh, no.

00:40:14Actually, this one's not a porno.

00:40:16Did you know that?

00:40:17I'm a pervert.

00:40:18Not an idiot.

00:40:19Scott, man, you...

00:40:21I can't rent you these.

00:40:22You've had Stopper my mom almost squirt out for two years.

00:40:25Man, well, Dan, you're my brother.

00:40:26And you know the last decade's been a bit of a butt for me.

00:40:29You know, my MMA career was going great.

00:40:32Then I got busted from being on the juice and cycled off to lose the titties.

00:40:36And then I started to get my ass kicked real bad.

00:40:38And I tap out on the dream, you know.

00:40:41Listen, okay, you can rent these, but you gotta bring them back before the store closes, okay, man?

00:40:45You have my word as a retired man of the cage.

00:40:49I will bring these back safely.

00:40:52Knock on my wood.

00:40:53He's full of those, isn't he?

00:40:56Hey, Denise, hi.

00:40:57Hey!

00:40:58You know what these packages keep getting sent over the video store?

00:41:00Sorry, it's just those guys messing with you, I'm sure.

00:41:02Sure is, motherfucker!

00:41:04Boom, bitch!

00:41:05The canvas is not in my house.

00:41:08Hey, sir, do you want to go old school on this little baby pussy?

00:41:10Yeah.

00:41:11Hey, guys, come on!

00:41:12Give me a pussy!

00:41:13No, no, no, no, no!

00:41:14Get back!

00:41:15Oh, is your foot good?

00:41:16Higher!

00:41:17Higher!

00:41:18Hey!

00:41:19Hey!

00:41:20No wonder you had four girls, you're wearing boxer shorts.

00:41:23Bitches love briefs now.

00:41:25Come on, man!

00:41:26We're going to H&M, we'll buy you some.

00:41:28Clean this shit up, Denise!

00:41:29Yeah, clean this shit up, Denise!

00:41:30Oh, Denton, I'm so sorry!

00:41:32Can you let me help you?

00:41:33Oh, thanks.

00:41:35Oh, you know, Denton, um, we had homeroom together.

00:41:39That's right, in 11th grade.

00:41:40In 11th grade.

00:41:43Yeah!

00:41:44So, um, I'm going to take my 15-minute break now.

00:41:47Oh, yeah, okay.

00:41:48Yeah, and that's just enough time for me to s*** up.

00:41:52What now?

00:42:00Bring it up, let's dig deep!

00:42:01Dig it!

00:42:02Dig it, let's get it!

00:42:03Dig it, let's get it!

00:42:04Let's get it, you little bitches!

00:42:06Come on, Grandpa, pick it up!

00:42:07Pick it up, Wilfred!

00:42:08I am number one, you're right!

00:42:09Thank you!

00:42:10Why don't you hawk on a bike, Uncle Jemima?

00:42:11Here we go!

00:42:12Jesus Christ, man.

00:42:13Calm down.

00:42:14What, are you rushing the plugs in the crypts, dude?

00:42:16I'm wearing both colors to signify unity.

00:42:18Oh, that's kind of cool.

00:42:20Come on, Grandpa, you can do it!

00:42:22So, uh, uh, funny bit of news.

00:42:24I just got surprise fellatio from the receptionist that works at Lucas...

00:42:28Denise Davids?

00:42:29Yes!

00:42:30Oh, s***.

00:42:31You are so screwed.

00:42:32What?

00:42:33World-class psycho stalker.

00:42:36You know in school, when those girls made those origami things to predict who their soulmate

00:42:40was?

00:42:41Yeah?

00:42:42She rigged hers.

00:42:43Rigged?

00:42:44The fucking thing, dude.

00:42:45Gross.

00:42:46Yeah, she had one of those things where, like, you know when one person loves another person, like, a lot, but the other person loves the other person more?

00:42:54She got a restraining order against her.

00:42:56Okay.

00:42:57Okay.

00:42:58She's nuts for real.

00:42:59She had her dog baptized.

00:43:01Hello?

00:43:03What?

00:43:04Gotcha.

00:43:05Uh, you reach the voicemail of Denton.

00:43:07Leave a message.

00:43:08Wow.

00:43:09Not convincing.

00:43:10I didn't do a good job at all.

00:43:23No.

00:43:24No.

00:43:25No one's home.

00:43:26Oh, God.

00:43:27What does it smell?

00:43:28Huh.

00:43:29Zenton, Zenton, Zenton, you've been busy, girl.

00:43:44Hey, Serge, go wet that bed.

00:43:47Alright.

00:43:48Think the tall fox got it in him?

00:43:52Nah.

00:43:53I'm gonna piss on top.

00:43:55What the fuck's going on here?

00:43:59Who the fuck are you?

00:44:00What are you doing here?

00:44:01Tell him what we're doing.

00:44:02We broke in.

00:44:04Obviously I see you're fucking breaking.

00:44:06Can I talk to you?

00:44:07I got this, B.

00:44:08Can you come here a little bit?

00:44:09Are you fucking sure?

00:44:10Whoa, he's got a life!

00:44:11Yeah, I see that.

00:44:12It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

00:44:13Well, why are you here?

00:44:14I need information about this vet.

00:44:16I want to ruin their lives, alright?

00:44:18I hate Denton.

00:44:19I hate them too.

00:44:20Good, good.

00:44:21Maybe there's a way we both get what we want.

00:44:22Two blue jobs.

00:44:25He's such a much-

00:44:27Here's the deal.

00:44:29I need information about this vet.

00:44:31Every time you find something out, you give me a call, I give you cash.

00:44:41I present to you, Sarah Don Samuels.

00:44:45Wow.

00:44:46What is she doing here?

00:44:47Well, auditioning for reality TV all day.

00:44:48Only time she has to work out is at night.

00:45:01During my shift.

00:45:02I'm her personal trainer, so to speak.

00:45:06We've spent some time together.

00:45:08Through all that bonding, I've learned her deepest desires and darkest secrets.

00:45:13Her scent is that of a rose garden after midsummer's rain.

00:45:18She's a siren in the water.

00:45:21She calls to me.

00:45:22And only I hold the key to her soul's relaxation.

00:45:25It pains me to betray my lady, but it's for the good of the vet.

00:45:36I hold in my hand her one Achilles' heel.

00:45:39Or should I say, Achilles' crotch.

00:45:42Whoa!

00:45:43That's a serious pre-op moose knuckle.

00:45:46It looks like a six dollar burger.

00:45:48If it ever gets out, she's ruined.

00:45:50Billy Jackson, we resorting to blackmail now.

00:45:53Yeah, super.

00:45:54Now we're sexual predators.

00:45:56Sexual predators?

00:45:57What, are we just walking the streets looking for houses with teddy bears in the window

00:46:00to wander into?

00:46:01None of my wildest dreams.

00:46:04Sorry, baby.

00:46:09Just give me the door.

00:46:11Stop!

00:46:12Stop!

00:46:13Stop it!

00:46:14Stop it!

00:46:15Stop it!

00:46:16That's it!

00:46:23Stop it!

00:46:24Stop it!

00:46:25Stop it!

00:46:26Stop it!

00:46:28Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:46:31Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets.

00:46:35I didn't get out of bed for weeks.

00:46:37Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:46:39Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:46:43I woke up in a haze.

00:46:45Grabbed my microphone and my briefcase.

00:46:47Stepped out the door and fell flat on my face.

00:46:50Eyes glist, I must get blitzed.

00:46:52Gravity fights me from every which way.

00:46:58Admire how my mind just fades.

00:47:00It's an off day, the sky's all gray.

00:47:03But if it rains, you'll find me swimming.

00:47:06I've been living in a dream that used to seem so real.

00:47:12I used to be awesome.

00:47:16Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets.

00:47:20I didn't get out of bed for weeks.

00:47:22Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:24Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:27Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:29Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:31Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:33Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:35Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:47:41Nothing on me.

00:47:43I need you.

00:47:45On the carpet, stand from wall to wall.

00:47:47An apartment full of alcohol.

00:47:51Yeah!

00:47:53Sleepwalk round my lonely orbital.

00:47:57An ocean call and said

00:47:59Find that girl before she's gone.

00:48:01She might have a crush, but it won't as long as ever.

00:48:03I guess.

00:48:05I didn't get out of bed for weeks, Romeo's got, Romeo's got, Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:48:14Hey, Dad, what are you doing up so early?

00:48:17No time for sleep. Your stepmother is getting close.

00:48:22Oh, yeah, she's looking sharp.

00:48:25You know, actually, grab a seat. I've been meaning to talk to you.

00:48:32Everything okay?

00:48:33Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

00:48:36God.

00:48:37So, you in second grade, uh...

00:48:40Amanda Morrison.

00:48:41Yeah, Amanda.

00:48:43You guys have spent a lot of time together this summer.

00:48:46Yeah, she's, uh, she's really great.

00:48:50You think she'd be okay with this whole bed thing you got going on?

00:48:59Well, what the hell do I know?

00:49:01The guy making a woman out of plastic, right?

00:49:04Give me the glue, will you?

00:49:11Uh, Planet of the Apes.

00:49:12No, no, no, let's...

00:49:16Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark?

00:49:18God, God, no!

00:49:25Oh, um, um, Sloth from The Goonie!

00:49:28No, no!

00:49:29I'm Harry.

00:49:30I'm Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.

00:49:33I've never seen it.

00:49:34You're kidding me.

00:49:35You've never seen Harry and the Hendersons?

00:49:36No.

00:49:37God, that was on my favorite VHS tape.

00:49:40What are you talking about?

00:49:41Yeah, no, okay.

00:49:42When I was growing up, my dad, he made us this VHS tape that had, like, six movies on it.

00:49:46It's made in that super poor person speed.

00:49:48I guess you weren't poor.

00:49:49Okay.

00:49:50No.

00:49:51Well, it had Last Starfighter, Flight of Dragons, Beastmaster, Monster Squad, and...

00:49:56and Harry and the Hendersons.

00:49:58Hey, look, um, I've been thinking.

00:50:05Summer's almost over, and I have had a really great time hanging out with you.

00:50:12I know that we are just friends, but what if we...

00:50:18We went.

00:50:19What if you and I went out?

00:50:20What if you and I went out?

00:50:21If you wanted...

00:50:22What if you and I went...

00:50:25On a date?

00:50:26Are you?

00:50:27You're asking me out?

00:50:28Are you asking me out on a proper date?

00:50:29What if I was?

00:50:31Well, I'd really have to do the maths on that.

00:50:34I don't know.

00:50:36Really think about it.

00:50:37Quite frankly, I'm just...

00:50:38I'm not attracted to you.

00:50:40It would be me doing you a favor.

00:50:43Really?

00:50:44Were you in a grease fire or something?

00:50:45Oh my...

00:50:50Maybe I can change your mind.

00:50:53Denton!

00:50:55Where have you been?

00:50:57Grab me some camembert, a handful of those grapes, and let's get the hell out of here.

00:51:01It's cool.

00:51:02We can pick up where we left off later on tonight.

00:51:06Tonight?

00:51:07Yeah.

00:51:09On our first official date.

00:51:12Where?

00:51:14It's a surprise.

00:51:16Just pick me up here later, after work.

00:51:19Okay.

00:51:20Uh...

00:51:28Well, thanks a lot, man.

00:51:29I was just about to kiss her.

00:51:31You haven't hooked up with her yet!

00:51:32You've seen her 50 times this summer!

00:51:35You're gonna fuck this up.

00:51:36How?

00:51:37How?

00:51:38What are you talking about?

00:51:40You were in love with her.

00:51:42I am...

00:51:43That is not...

00:51:45How would one know, though, if they were in love?

00:51:49Close your eyes.

00:51:51Okay.

00:51:53Imagine yourself fucking her.

00:51:56Okay.

00:51:57Her pants are around her ankles.

00:51:58She's bent over the bed.

00:52:00It's really hot.

00:52:01Her hair's kind of tousled.

00:52:02You just blew a load right inside her.

00:52:04Epic.

00:52:05I mean, you've stained her soul.

00:52:07Okay.

00:52:08What do you want to do next?

00:52:11I just want to cuddle.

00:52:13Fuck!

00:52:15How are you supposed to focus, man, when you're all fucking puppy dogs and ice cream upstairs?

00:52:19Where are we going, even?

00:52:21Hey, guy.

00:52:23This thing is...

00:52:24This fucking guy's gonna do it.

00:52:26He has eight or nine fucking bitches there already.

00:52:28Yeah, I'm telling you.

00:52:30The guy has a cock, like a fucking gold cock, man.

00:52:33It's very unfortunate news, Bob!

00:52:34It's like a fucking broken fire hydrant.

00:52:36If you see the kids playing, this is fucking fucking city.

00:52:39And if one of the fucking children, the mother came, she slipped on the...

00:52:45Are you okay?

00:52:46Because if you're not okay, I'm not okay.

00:52:48He's doing much better than I thought he would.

00:52:51I can't lose this bet to that lanky fuck.

00:52:54We gotta get serious.

00:52:56Real serious.

00:52:58Operation Derailment Serious.

00:53:00Denise!

00:53:03Sit down.

00:53:10You nervous?

00:53:11No.

00:53:12You look nervous.

00:53:13Nope.

00:53:14She look nervous to you?

00:53:15Definitely looks nervous.

00:53:16I'm not nervous.

00:53:18I'm gonna cut to the chase.

00:53:19We know you know about the bet.

00:53:21We know you're one of the girls.

00:53:22We know you blew Denton in the lobby.

00:53:23There's a video.

00:53:24Search. You've seen it.

00:53:25It was a sweet fucking BJ.

00:53:28You're welcome.

00:53:29Here's what you need to do for me.

00:53:32Help me win the bet.

00:53:33How do I help you win the bet?

00:53:35I can't un-bill him.

00:53:39Well, you're a crazy super stalker, right?

00:53:40You got his passwords and shit?

00:53:41It's his social media info, email accounts,

00:53:43social security number, home phone, home address,

00:53:45parents' phone, parents' address.

00:53:46I'm gonna stop you right there.

00:53:47We actually just need you to log into one of his

00:53:49email accounts and send an email to Amanda Morrison.

00:53:52All right? Pretend to be Denton.

00:53:53Say it's an emergency.

00:53:54I don't give a fuck.

00:53:55However you do it.

00:53:56Get her over to that garage battle station that they have.

00:53:58When she sees what he's really up to,

00:54:00she's never gonna talk to him again.

00:54:02Let alone fuck him.

00:54:03Am I right?

00:54:04And then we got this in the bag.

00:54:06Paper or plastic.

00:54:07Or bring her own bag and save the environment or something.

00:54:11He's just such a good guy.

00:54:13I don't feel comfortable, like, messing up his whole thing.

00:54:16That's so cute.

00:54:17She thinks she has a choice.

00:54:18You're gonna feel comfortable with it,

00:54:20or you're gonna be fired.

00:54:21Oh.

00:54:25Go now, psycho.

00:54:26What are you doing?

00:54:27Do my bidding.

00:54:28What are you doing?

00:54:29Just get the fuck out of here.

00:54:31Just get the fuck out of here.

00:54:32Okay.

00:54:33Get the fuck out of here.

00:54:34I just had to say that.

00:54:35Go.

00:54:36Vamanos.

00:54:37I don't understand you two.

00:54:40Yo, did you watch that tape?

00:54:41Oh, yeah.

00:54:42Crazy ones can really suck at the .

00:54:43Am I right?

00:54:44No, I'm going to the psych ward for my next .

00:54:46Ah!

00:54:47Ah!

00:54:48Ah!

00:54:49Ah!

00:54:50Ah!

00:54:59This is the place.

00:55:00Looks like a fucking shithole.

00:55:03Wait.

00:55:04Kendra lives here?

00:55:05Yeah.

00:55:06And she thinks you're a doctor.

00:55:08So, you're gonna want to suit up.

00:55:10I'm getting a disease just looking at this place.

00:55:13You packing jimmies?

00:55:14No.

00:55:15That's okay.

00:55:16I got plenty in the glove.

00:55:20Wait a minute.

00:55:21Why do you have a water pistol in here?

00:55:23Oh, that's not an ordinary water pistol.

00:55:25It's filled with your seed.

00:55:26Ah!

00:55:27Why do you have a water pistol filled with my seed in here?

00:55:30Oh.

00:55:31Well, you know that place you donate sperm?

00:55:33Yeah.

00:55:34Well, yeah.

00:55:35I snuck in the middle of the night and grabbed a bunch of your c** and filled up this water pistol here.

00:55:40Why?

00:55:41Well, you know, just in case.

00:55:43There were some chicks you couldn't pull down.

00:55:45It's a contingency plan.

00:55:46Okay.

00:55:47You know what?

00:55:48Just give me that back.

00:55:49It's my c**.

00:55:50You know what?

00:55:51This is important.

00:55:52Give me my c** back!

00:55:58Sorry.

00:55:59You know, I always knew you'd be successful.

00:56:03I have great intuition with men.

00:56:07Except for the ones that I marry.

00:56:12Oh, you got a little one, do you?

00:56:14Mmm.

00:56:16Seven.

00:56:17No s**t.

00:56:18Four boys, three girls.

00:56:19But they're with their respected fathers tonight.

00:56:21I thought that, uh, it'd be nice to give us a little privacy since you were so kind to take a house call, doctor.

00:56:27Doctor?

00:56:28Mm-hmm.

00:56:29Is so formal.

00:56:31You know, just call me Denton.

00:56:32Just regular old Denton.

00:56:33Will do.

00:56:34So, uh, what seems to be the, uh, situation?

00:56:38Oh, yeah.

00:56:39My wrist.

00:56:40It's, like, really been giving me trouble.

00:56:42It really hurts to think it could be.

00:56:45Um.

00:56:47Do you think you could help?

00:56:48I do, I do.

00:56:49Uh, let's have a...

00:56:52Listen to the old ticker.

00:56:54Yeah.

00:56:55Yes.

00:56:56Oh, yeah.

00:56:57I've heard this before.

00:56:58I'm afraid you have poor circulation.

00:56:59And I think you could be in immediate danger.

00:57:00Oh, my God.

00:57:01What should we do?

00:57:02Well, I think we should probably start by getting you out of that tight, restrictive top.

00:57:03Yeah, maybe even those tight, tight, tight pants.

00:57:04Are you sure?

00:57:05Oh, yes.

00:57:06Very sure.

00:57:07Very sure.

00:57:08Very sure.

00:57:09It's the first thing we learned in doctor school.

00:57:12Oh, that must have been so hard.

00:57:13Oh, it was.

00:57:14Yes, it certainly was.

00:57:15But when you see the look of pure laughter on a baby child's face after a successful

00:57:17job, you know?

00:57:18Oh, yeah.

00:57:19Oh, yeah.

00:57:20Oh, yeah.

00:57:21Oh, yeah.

00:57:22Oh, yeah.

00:57:23Oh, yeah.

00:57:24Oh, yeah.

00:57:25Oh, yeah.

00:57:26Oh, yeah.

00:57:27Oh, yeah.

00:57:28Oh, yeah.

00:57:29Oh, yeah.

00:57:30Oh, yeah.

00:57:31Oh, yeah.

00:57:32Oh, yeah.

00:57:33A baby child's face after a successful brain appointment.

00:57:37And it makes everything worth it.

00:57:38You know that you're doing the lord's work.

00:57:40These hands, I'll tell you, they've seen some story.

00:57:43Hey.

00:57:44Denton, it's me.

00:57:47Amanda?

00:57:48Denton, I got here as fast as I could.

00:57:51Is your dad okay?

00:57:52Hold on.

00:57:53Hold on.

00:57:54Mr. Me, Mr. Me, Mr. Me.

00:57:56Damn you, Phil Collins.

00:57:58Amanda Morrison is here.

00:58:00Second grade.

00:58:01Denton, are you in there?

00:58:02Are you in there?

00:58:04No! No!

00:58:06What are we gonna do?

00:58:08What are we gonna do?

00:58:09Oh, one second, I gotta put my pants back on!

00:58:11Me too!

00:58:12Me too!

00:58:13Let's go!

00:58:16Lancey, are you home?

00:58:28What the hell is this?

00:58:32Hmm?

00:58:34No!

00:58:35My fiance!

00:58:36Did you just finish?

00:58:38No, I don't...

00:58:39Wait, you have a fiance?

00:58:41Of course you have a fiance!

00:58:42Kendra!

00:58:43I'm home!

00:58:44Give me a beer!

00:58:45Make sure it's cold as shit from that new fridge, you know?

00:58:49Hey, Denton!

00:58:51What you doing here, boy?

00:58:52It's great to see you!

00:58:54Wait a minute, you're not here for them movies, is ya?

00:58:56Because, you know, I really do need a little more time on those, you know, but...

00:59:00Wait a minute...

00:59:03Why is she in her undies?

00:59:06And why does Grandpa have a chubby?

00:59:10Right back in Gibraltar!

00:59:12Bang!

00:59:13Grandpa!

00:59:14Did my woman suck this man's...

00:59:16No!

00:59:17Shucked it real good!

00:59:19Cute!

00:59:20Seen it?

00:59:20Licked his hole too!

00:59:22Oh, his hole?

00:59:24No, no, Scott!

00:59:25My hole is unlicked today!

00:59:27You little adulterer coming into my beautiful home!

00:59:30Making my angel eat at your gas station!

00:59:32I got some bad, bad news for you, boy!

00:59:35Your timing's all sorts of shit!

00:59:37Cause I'm back on the juice, motherfucker!

00:59:39I'm sorry, Doc!

00:59:40He's gonna fuck you up!

00:59:41Yeah, that's right!

00:59:42Scott!

00:59:43Scott!

00:59:44Just calm down for just a second!

00:59:45Yeah!

00:59:46What you got?

00:59:47What you got?

00:59:48Fuck that shit, boy!

00:59:49Come on!

00:59:50Bring it on!

00:59:51Come on, dawg!

00:59:52Go your motherfucking jet, Scott!

00:59:54Well what you're gonna do?

00:59:55Shoot me with a water gun?

00:59:57Do not make me pull this trigger.

00:59:59Go town!

01:00:00BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

01:00:17Wiggins!

01:00:18Dad!

01:00:19You're not gonna believe this!

01:00:20I just hooked up with Kendra,

01:00:21and he shot a load into Scott's mouth!

01:00:23What well not technically I didn't shoot no no no no technically it doesn't matter the point is I'm about to win this

01:00:31fucking bet

01:00:33I'm part of a bet. Look look look at that. I

01:00:37Can't explain I don't think that needs explanation

01:00:42This is disgusting kidding me now. Don't touch me. I'm so freaked out right now

01:00:48I never want to see you again. Don't say that Amanda please don't

01:00:53I

01:01:01Who are you

01:01:23Heard the big news

01:01:25You fucked it all up. I got to admit for a second there. You had me genuinely concerned

01:01:30Nine girls one guy not bad. I tip my dick to you sir

01:01:35You you actually came here just to be a dick to me? Listen to me you quivering pussy

01:01:40This bet was your shot. I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter

01:01:44But you as you do kept up the family tradition

01:01:47Failure I think my family can't take anything else from your family

01:01:51My dad takes your dad's company. I take this

01:01:55Shithole you call a video store and then tomorrow when you lose that bet

01:01:58I'm gonna make you and daddy homeless. You know why because you and all your little friends

01:02:03You're all a bunch of fucking weirdos. I win

01:02:07You lose

01:02:09suck my dick

01:02:14See you at the game tomorrow you can suck my dick

01:02:16I catch the dude number fuck are you doing man look like I'm doing chill clearly you need to talk about talk about what Ed?

01:02:29Huh? How you two ruined my life? You were this close to winning the bet. Don't you dare back out now?

01:02:34I don't fucking care about the bet. I don't care about the bet. I've lost the only person I want to be with

01:02:38It's got quick girl. No, it's not I didn't

01:02:47What she'll understand right we'll just go by her house explain the situation she'll get it

01:02:52She'll understand what Ed that she was right. She's part of some stupid bet that my friends got me into

01:02:57I cannot believe I let you guys convince me to do this

01:03:03Fuck you

01:03:04Fuck me. Did you sit here all day?

01:03:08Bitching and moaning about your life and things that happen to you be it girls or your job man fuck even us and when shit doesn't go

01:03:16Your way you go on the fucking rag and just bitch about how shit Denton's life is back me up on this Wiggins

01:03:22I still went to bed. I can't really talk

01:03:25Goddamn shame are you kidding me how shit my life is?

01:03:28Jackson when's the last time you hooked up with a check well years and by the way your shakes suck and you Ed

01:03:34You're so full of shit. You're this love guru except the only girl you've ever been with you married

01:03:40You two have been living vicariously through me, but it's not you who has the shit life. It's me

01:03:47Get out just get out of here all you take this trash with you

01:03:52Come on Wiggins Wiggins get out here get the fuck out of here

01:04:02Wiggins get the fuck out of here

01:04:04You've upset Wiggins wins go. He's a fucking mess

01:04:08I'll leave you one. I'll leave you one go Wiggins is my friend now

01:04:12Yeah yeah

01:04:25Dad not you. You don't have to go

01:04:28I

01:04:31Refuse to let the lovely Lady Legos lose her virginity in this Denest Sadness

01:04:36You need to be alone right now anyway son

01:04:40You got a lot to think about

01:05:12Standing on rock, burning our feet

01:05:21We'll be filthy rich, if the damn stuff burns green

01:05:29Just her and me, and a twenty-mule team

01:05:36And the rocks is a haven

01:05:44Out in the sun we'll be lazy

01:05:51Losing track of the time in the cruel spring

01:05:59Your dad's coming

01:06:10Oh yeah

01:06:11Oh, how'd it go with Lady Lego?

01:06:15It was horrible

01:06:16We all went to the field last night

01:06:19He got butt naked

01:06:20And it's all gathering around her

01:06:22As he mounted her right over there on home plate

01:06:23On first thrust, she exploded into a million pieces

01:06:27He just sat there defeated

01:06:29As his bruised old boner went limp

01:06:32Saddest shit I've ever seen

01:06:34Well, well, well

01:06:37Look at these video fun fucks

01:06:39You guys excited, huh?

01:06:41You like the smell of the field

01:06:43The cut grass

01:06:44The stands full of quivering lady

01:06:46Waiting for the bee dog to satisfy him?

01:06:48God, I wanted to see you guys lose

01:06:52But to see you lose in front of a packed house

01:06:53Life is fucking sweet

01:06:55Like brown sugar on white

01:06:56Oh, hey, look, y'all

01:06:58President and CEO of Goldman Nutsacks

01:07:00Sorry, guys, I don't speak poor person

01:07:02Mary Kay, Ashley

01:07:04You ladies 18 yet?

01:07:07Jackson, I know you're gonna miss this most

01:07:08So really try and enjoy it, okay?

01:07:11Good luck out there, ladies

01:07:12Whoa

01:07:18He almost hit that truck

01:07:20Gentlemen

01:07:31It's been an honor

01:07:33Serving with you

01:07:35On that battlefield

01:07:36You fought like

01:07:38Warrior poets

01:07:39In the days of old

01:07:41But I ask you

01:07:44One last time

01:07:46To fight with me

01:07:48Can you do that?

01:07:51Fight

01:07:52With

01:07:53Me

01:07:54Come on

01:07:55Spit on me

01:07:58I got some in my mouth

01:08:01Thanks for coming out, folks

01:08:02To the last game of the season

01:08:04It's gonna be a doozy

01:08:05Now that is

01:08:07Jackson Pride

01:08:08What's in it?

01:08:12Jackson Shake

01:08:13Masterpiece

01:08:14The final

01:08:15Come down

01:08:15That was a good pitch

01:08:19There's something I need to talk to you about

01:08:21Oh, yeah?

01:08:22What is that?

01:08:23Balls on chin

01:08:24Dude, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, man

01:08:27Remember the Tri-County Little League Championships?

01:08:30Yeah

01:08:30Yeah, I could forget

01:08:31You got hit in the face twice in one game

01:08:32Taking those two balls to the chin

01:08:35Was the best thing I ever did

01:08:37What do you mean?

01:08:39Everyone knew I wasn't gonna get on base

01:08:41And if I struck out, which I was going to

01:08:43The game would have been over, right?

01:08:45My only option to get on base

01:08:47Was to get hit by a pitch

01:08:48Wait a minute

01:08:49You did that on purpose?

01:08:50Yeah

01:08:51I had to drink through a straw for three months

01:08:53And it was worth it

01:08:54We won because I didn't accept

01:08:56The shitty hand of cards that fate dealt me

01:08:58I took destiny into my own hands

01:09:00Old man opportunity knocked

01:09:02The sixth grade version of myself

01:09:04Answered the door

01:09:05And then

01:09:06I took his two balls on my chin

01:09:09No, no, no, no

01:09:14Run, run

01:09:15Push your glove

01:09:16Push your glove

01:09:17See

01:09:20It's a leadoff hit

01:09:24All your mothers

01:09:27All of them

01:09:29You're up, D

01:09:31Let's light this bitch up

01:09:34On your games, boys

01:09:35Now, boys, let's do this

01:09:38Now, Benny

01:09:40Dead 10 figures

01:09:42You rich

01:09:44You know what, Lucas?

01:09:49Oh, do you want some, I say?

01:09:51According to this contract

01:09:52The bet's not over

01:09:53Till the end of the season, right?

01:09:55Yeah

01:09:55Well, there's still eight things left

01:09:57To win this thing

01:09:57Okay

01:09:59Okay

01:09:59Game's not over, boys

01:10:02You're right

01:10:05I have been a pussy

01:10:07I need you

01:10:13To stall this game

01:10:15Ah!

01:10:19Oh!

01:10:20Uh-oh!

01:10:21Yeah

01:10:21Help!

01:10:22Oh, my jockstrap is twisted around my balls

01:10:25Oh, come on

01:10:26Delay a game, Blue!

01:10:27You know, I wanted to wear it like Maris did

01:10:29During his 61 home run season

01:10:31I read that he did that on the back of his baseball card

01:10:35Bullshit, Jackson

01:10:36I'm a bit of a card collector

01:10:38Ah, tops

01:10:39Hey!

01:10:41Focus!

01:10:41Don't look at him

01:10:42Look at me!

01:10:43Upper deck

01:10:43Don't look at me

01:10:44Ah, Fleer

01:10:45Wax packs

01:10:47Where you going?

01:10:48Take a set of balls on the chin

01:10:50What?

01:10:52Wait, is he gay now?

01:10:53No, no, it's a metaphor

01:10:54Uh, Honus Wagner

01:10:56The Honus Wagner card

01:10:57Blue!

01:10:59Delay a game!

01:10:59Wayne Gretzky

01:11:00Boom!

01:11:00Oh, God!

01:11:02Oh!

01:11:03It's like a hangman's noose!

01:11:05It's my father father

01:11:07Be like he's from Arizona

01:11:10We can spend every winner

01:11:13Hold it up to the seats

01:11:16There is everybody we live

01:11:18No more empty boxes

01:11:20Shares in

01:11:21Let it be right now

01:11:23And that was The Sneetches

01:11:25By Dr. Seuss

01:11:26Do you guys know what the moral of the story is?

01:11:30The moral of the story

01:11:32Is that there was this one boy snitch

01:11:34Who was confused

01:11:35What are you doing?

01:11:37There was this girl snitch

01:11:38Who was amazing

01:11:40And beautiful

01:11:42And funny

01:11:44And confident in who she is

01:11:47And he thought to himself

01:11:49He thought

01:11:49You know what

01:11:49You know what I need?

01:11:51I need

01:11:52I need a couple stars under my belt

01:11:54To really impress this girl

01:11:55Uh, the girl's snitch

01:11:57So he goes over to his boys in Whoville

01:11:59And he says to them

01:12:00They're like

01:12:01You know what, dude?

01:12:02You need

01:12:02You need to be confident

01:12:03You need to be like

01:12:04Like the cat in the hat

01:12:05So he goes over

01:12:07And he slams some beers

01:12:08With thing one and thing two

01:12:10He hits the town

01:12:10He hooks up with a bunch of chicks

01:12:12But that's not

01:12:14That's not who he is

01:12:16That's not what he's about

01:12:18He's more like the Lorax in reality

01:12:21Planting grickle grass

01:12:25And climbing truncula trees

01:12:27And smoking jeeps with the barblades

01:12:29What are you trying to say?

01:12:33Amanda, I fell in love with you this summer

01:12:35And I screwed it up

01:12:39I just

01:12:40I screwed it up

01:12:41But you need to know

01:12:44That the man that I was

01:12:46When I was with you

01:12:47That's who I really am

01:12:48Yeah, the snitch may have

01:12:52Stolen a blind girl's glasses

01:12:53And shot a pistol in his mouth

01:12:55That happened

01:12:55That did

01:12:56I'm not asking you for a second chance

01:12:59If this is the last time I get to see you

01:13:02Then I understand

01:13:03But

01:13:03You need to know

01:13:06That from now on

01:13:07I'm gonna be

01:13:09Who I really am

01:13:11Who I always was

01:13:13The snitch knows

01:13:16Where his real star is

01:13:18Okay

01:13:22Okay

01:13:23Okay

01:13:26I'm so lonely

01:13:34How you doing boys

01:13:39Good man

01:13:40Bottom of nine

01:13:41All tied up

01:13:42How'd it go?

01:13:45Um

01:13:45Not uh

01:13:47Not the smoothest actually

01:13:48At least I came clean to her

01:13:50Yeah

01:13:52Yeah

01:13:52Well you're a

01:13:53Better man for it

01:13:54And all that

01:13:55Right

01:13:55You're up D

01:13:57Here we go

01:13:58Here we go

01:13:59Big D

01:14:00Here we go

01:14:02Moving back

01:14:03Here we go

01:14:04Big hitter

01:14:05Big hitter

01:14:05Let's go

01:14:07Dead man walking

01:14:09Everyone's getting fucked in the ass

01:14:14I'm gonna fuck so many bitches in your house

01:14:17It's gonna be disgusting

01:14:18Every single one of these fucks

01:14:20Yeah your old bedroom

01:14:22It's gonna be painted in my

01:14:23Time out

01:14:27Are you

01:14:33Hey hi

01:14:35Hi

01:14:36Denton did you really mean what you said?

01:14:41It's the most honest I've been all summer

01:14:43This is bullshit

01:14:44Is this bet really that important to you?

01:14:47No

01:14:47Come on

01:14:48It's not as important as being with you

01:14:50Let's play ball

01:14:53Oh

01:14:57Oh

01:15:02A full on Louisville chubber

01:15:08Me too

01:15:09Now go with this game

01:15:13Hey Amanda

01:15:19Hi

01:15:20Amanda Morrison

01:15:21Yeah

01:15:22I'm Denise Davids

01:15:23You don't know me

01:15:24Listen

01:15:24I'm not gonna hurt you

01:15:26Okay

01:15:26I do have to show you something

01:15:28Right now

01:15:29It's important

01:15:30You may not like it

01:15:32But you might

01:15:33Here we go D

01:15:35Knock his cock right off of his body

01:15:37We want pain

01:15:38We want to see blood

01:15:39Here we go

01:15:39All right

01:15:40Let's see what you got

01:15:42This one's for you daddy

01:15:47Oh son I'm so proud

01:15:49Here we go D

01:15:50Right in this pussy

01:15:52Here we go

01:15:53Here we go

01:15:54Big head

01:15:54You always made me proud

01:15:58And you know what

01:15:59Your mama was proud too

01:16:01Yo

01:16:11B we got a problem dog

01:16:12Now sir shut up

01:16:13Last night's movie leaked

01:16:14Are you shitting me?

01:16:16is this train going to paris why indeed it is ma'am all aboard next up the

01:16:23Eiffel Tower I love the correct thing well then you are in luck ma'am because

01:16:28we have two

01:16:46the

01:16:53the

01:16:56the

01:17:01the

01:17:04the

01:17:07the

01:17:11the

01:17:45Fuck, fuck what you stand for. Fuck everything that you like.

01:17:54You fucking...

01:17:56Do that son of a bitch.

01:17:59Shut the fuck up, old man.

01:18:01You know what, Jackson? You can have the game.

01:18:03You'll never play in this league again.

01:18:05Denton lost the fucking bet.

01:18:07Actually, Lucas, no, he didn't.

01:18:09You're bitch eleven. He's still one bitch shy.

01:18:11That means your house is mine, and I'm gonna burn it to the goddamn ground right after I take a huge shit

01:18:18Denise, I think you have one more text message to send

01:18:22Wait

01:18:33For our next motion picture the pull her express

01:18:37This train going to the south pole, uh it is it mom, but you can go south on my pole

01:19:00Girls in one summer damn

01:19:04Now as my first official act as the new CEO of Mr. B's gourmet condoms

01:19:11Mr. Lucas you're fucking fired

01:19:14Brandon you are super fucking fired

01:19:18What the hell is going on, huh?

01:19:20A contract signed by Brandon himself

01:19:26Daddy I can explain

01:19:28God damn fucking moron

01:19:32I'm sorry

01:19:33You greedy little shit

01:19:34I'm sorry, I was trying

01:19:35Jesus fuck

01:19:36Yeah that's right

01:19:38You guys can suck our black d**ks

01:19:40Yeah man, you can suck all our black d**ks

01:19:43That's right boy

01:19:44Now as my second official act as the CEO

01:19:47I intend to return the company back to its original owner and creator

01:19:52The world's greatest inventor

01:19:54My dad

01:19:56Me?

01:19:56Yes

01:19:57You're giving it to me?

01:19:58Yes

01:19:58Me?

01:19:59Yes

01:19:59Oh my god

01:20:01I kind of have a theme for inventors

01:20:03And you

01:20:07You know

01:20:08But

01:20:09But there's still something

01:20:11To hell you

01:20:12Boo

01:20:13Oh

01:20:14That's right Brandon

01:20:16We throw low round here

01:20:18Boo

01:20:19Dang Jimmy's on these b**ches

01:20:23Get them up

01:20:24Throw them up

01:20:25On them

01:20:26Get on them

01:20:27Look Amanda

01:20:29About these last couple of months

01:20:31Screw your past

01:20:32Besides

01:20:39I still haven't told you about my summer

01:20:42What?

01:20:43Saying ain't nobody can stop me

01:20:45They better sit back and watch me

01:20:46For really though

01:20:47These n*****s are silly though

01:20:48They think that I'm flopping

01:20:50No this isn't kinkos

01:20:51You could not make copies

01:20:52And just cause you're a d**k

01:20:53You do not have to be cocky

01:20:55Feeling like I'm holly though

01:20:56Slowing like it's snowing me

01:20:57I'm fo-bob of the homies

01:20:58Girl's acting like they know me

01:21:00Come on rolly though

01:21:01Well this is just the life of knowing you the s**t

01:21:03And I don't think I'm ever gonna quit

01:21:05Nah

01:21:06Party at my place

01:21:07We gon' be faded

01:21:09It's gon' be fun

01:21:10You're all invited

01:21:12And I'ma bring my friends

01:21:13We'll have a good time

01:21:14Under the sun

01:21:15We'll have fun

01:21:17Fun

01:21:18Fun

01:21:19Fun

01:21:20Fun

01:21:21Fun

01:21:22Fun

01:21:23Fun

01:21:24Fun

01:21:25Fun

01:21:27Fun

01:21:28We're fuckin' weirdo, a game head zero

01:21:30Make it white, buddy, I call it that Rob the Zero

01:21:33Young cuz, known to make you buzz, disappear

01:21:35Want this song, I drop your followers a zero

01:21:38Hey yo, doggie dooter, did you really think that you could do-do-do-do

01:21:42Anything as good as me, you need a shrink, yo

01:21:44You're as good as me, no, if you really think so

01:21:47You must really think slow, cause you're not

01:21:49These girls is on my dock, round the clock, cause I'm probably hot

01:21:51I could make a fuckin' country song, it'll probably pop

01:21:54Hey yo, Taylor, I'd really love to tailor

01:21:56I could rock the boat if she let me be her sailor

01:21:59So let me get this straight, you owned the company

01:22:05Yep

01:22:05You stole the company

01:22:07Yep

01:22:07You won it back because your son won a bet where he had to sleep with 12 girls in a summer?

01:22:15Whole summer, you nailed it

01:22:17Huh

01:22:18Gluten free

01:22:22Gluten free

01:22:26What?

01:22:31S-s-s-s-s-s-sneeky bitch

01:22:34Oh

01:22:35Oh

01:22:39Oh

01:22:40SNICK SNICK SNICKY BEACH

01:22:42SNICKY BEACH

01:22:44SNICK SNICKY BEACH

01:22:46SNICKY BEACH

01:22:48After the show make me backstage

01:22:50You can give me a SNICKY BEACH

01:22:52Groupie, booze and a bag of sheaves

01:22:54That's a recipe for a SNICKY BEACH

01:22:56I'm a senator, you're my peach

01:22:58And my folks give me a SNICKY BEACH

01:23:00Open that laptop, go at Jeeves

01:23:02When I'm gonna find a SNICKY BEACH

01:23:04SNICK SNICKY BEACH

01:23:06SNICK SNICKY BEACH

01:23:08SNICKY BEACH

01:23:10Snick, sweet, sneaky bitch

01:23:18Oh baby! You're in trouble!

01:23:20I blew alone and now blow a cum bubba!

01:23:35Blow a cum bum on ball with me

01:23:38You do not know what this is

01:23:40This is why you do not swallow my cum

01:23:43But you take it

01:23:45To the front of your mouth

01:23:47And pucker your lips

01:23:49And blow a bubble

01:23:51Use your imagination

01:23:53Yes, yes, very good

01:23:55Uh, uh, uh, uh

01:23:57There goes my cum bubble

01:23:59Slinky bitch

01:24:01Slinky bitch

01:24:03Slinky bitch

01:24:05Slinky, slinky, slinky bitch

01:24:07Slinky bitch

01:24:09Slinky, slinky, slinky bitch

01:24:11Slinky bitch

01:24:16I hold these truths to be self-evident

01:24:18I'll lead to a death residence

01:24:20Where duty sediment

01:24:22Is resident

01:24:24In your butthole, bitch

01:24:26I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:27With the dollar in her butt

01:24:29The dollar in her what?

01:24:31With the dollar in her butt

01:24:32I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:34With the dollar in her butt

01:24:36The dollar in her what?

01:24:37With the dollar in her butt

01:24:39Sorry, George Washington

01:24:40About that dookie on your chin

01:24:42But came out chubby sprout

01:24:43You know I had a butcher in

01:24:45Deep into the dookie hole

01:24:47While she's sliding down that pole

01:24:49How it look, no disease

01:24:50Oh, let's go pop those cherry trees

01:24:52I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:53With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:24:55With the Lincoln and a stink?

01:24:56No, I'm talking about the pig

01:24:58I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:59With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:25:01With the Lincoln and a stink?

01:25:03No, I'm talking about a pig

01:25:05About the pig

01:25:06About the pig

01:25:07About the stave

01:25:08Hold that nose

01:25:09You be brave

01:25:10Talk that poop

01:25:11Where's the scoop?

01:25:12You gotta look

01:25:13Does she shave?

01:25:14Gettysburg

01:25:15Sure got hairy

01:25:16North and south is super scary

01:25:17The end of the day

01:25:18I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:19With the Ben Frank in a stink

01:25:20You put a benji in her stink?

01:25:22My baby poops back

01:25:24I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:26With the Ben Frank in a stink?

01:25:27You put a benji in her stink?

01:25:29My baby poops back

01:25:30Poops Bank

01:25:31Damn homies

01:25:35You gon' go broke

01:25:36Come on bitch

01:25:38Shit me out of luck

01:25:39Ella pone el gallo

01:25:58En la pelea de gallos

01:26:00Su pito es fuerte

01:26:01Como un arma

01:26:03Cuando dispara su arma

01:26:07Se va a bañar en mecos fuerte

01:26:11Este vato es muy macho

01:26:14Este vato es muy macho

01:26:18Este vato es muy macho

01:26:22Es realmente una mujer

01:26:27Este vato es muy macho

01:26:44Este vato es muy macho

01:26:48Este vato es muy macho

01:26:51Es realmente

01:26:57Una mujer

01:27:06Esta es muy macho

01:27:09Esta es muy macho

01:27:11Esta es muy macho

01:27:15Esta es muy macho

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