- 6/20/2025
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00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Welcome to Taskmaster, or as they call it in Wales.
00:39All right, boys, how's it going?
00:41Dear, it's called at the moment, isn't it?
00:43Ooh, that's where my big court, fair play.
00:45It is called my dinner.
00:47Hey, do you know my brother?
00:49It looks like my brother, he doesn't!
00:51The competition is really hurtling towards the conclusion,
00:55so please welcome the Warriors.
00:57Holding on for dear life, they are...
00:59Fatih El Ghori!
01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:02Jason Mandzukas!
01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:04Matthew Bainter!
01:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:07Rosie Ramsey!
01:09And Stevie Martin!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:14And next to me, a man who says that women should be like
01:18the landmark Shard Building in London.
01:20They should look attractive, remain silent,
01:23and have a glass ceiling firmly in place.
01:26LAUGHTER
01:28LAUGHTER
01:31Don't shoot the messenger!
01:32Shoot...
01:33Little Alex Hall!
01:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38Hello, Greg.
01:39Hello, boys.
01:40Hello.
01:41I've just got to do some admin before we start, so sorry.
01:43But today, for the viewers at home
01:45and people watching at the big screen in Trafalgar Square,
01:48here is your bingo code.
01:50So just scan that now.
01:51One of you could be a lucky winner.
01:53And, um...
01:54Greg, if you wouldn't mind, we'll just do a quick selfie.
01:58Is that all right?
01:59This is my...
02:00One of my mum's friends really fancies you, so...
02:02LAUGHTER
02:04One of your mum's friends?
02:06LAUGHTER
02:08LAUGHTER
02:09Thank you for the smile.
02:10Actually, it's a video.
02:11Actually, it's for Jennifer.
02:12Really.
02:13Just...
02:14Hello, Jennifer.
02:15Lovely, yeah.
02:16I understand you fancy me.
02:17LAUGHTER
02:18Well, strap yourself in.
02:20LAUGHTER
02:21Thanks, Greg.
02:22You'll love that, honestly.
02:23Right.
02:24Let's have the prize-class category, please, Alex.
02:26You sure can, Greg.
02:27This time you've asked them to bring in the best object
02:29that you've borrowed from a fairly close friend.
02:32Hmm.
02:33It's down to you to judge the best-borrowed object
02:35and the winner of the whole episode will sort of own
02:37five things that actually belong to other people
02:39that are sort of friends of the cast.
02:41Done.
02:42Stevie, what have you borrowed?
02:43So, um, I went to a wedding,
02:46and it was one of my very close friends,
02:49and she really liked Lord of the Rings, but her partner doesn't.
02:52And so, as a compromise, she put, like, a secret bit on her website,
02:56and it said if you wanted to get dressed up
02:58as a Lord of the Rings character for the party bit,
03:00then you could.
03:01So, I borrowed loads of things,
03:03one of which was this sword, a foam sword.
03:05Here it is.
03:06Um, four people in the entire wedding
03:08had just put some little cloaks on,
03:10and I went as the Witch King of Angmar,
03:13um, the Lord of Nazca.
03:15APPLAUSE
03:18Is that the bride, Stevie?
03:19The bride.
03:20I mean, I looked at that and I thought,
03:22God, you look different without make-up on.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:25And then I realised you were the Witch King of Angmar.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29Well done.
03:30This is...
03:31Might be your best thing so far.
03:32Yes!
03:33Three points.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:36Oh, I...
03:37I don't see it going past three, for sure.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40Matthew.
03:41Well, for me, it was a case of, er,
03:44Jim Howick's two-man kayak.
03:46And here it is.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48So, I remembered he had this,
03:50and I thought that would be a pretty significant thing
03:54to have borrowed from a fairly close friend.
03:56Yeah.
03:57So, I managed to persuade him that I needed to borrow it
04:01to let my kids go kayaking.
04:03Why didn't you just tell him you were borrowing it for this?
04:06Well, why did you have to tell this ridiculous lie?
04:08Is that an option?
04:10LAUGHTER
04:12That wouldn't be funny!
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15How would that be funny?
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18Fatia, can you beat a kayak?
04:20Yeah, I can.
04:21You know when you're struggling in life, yeah,
04:23and things are hard, and then everything,
04:25every part of your life starts to suffer.
04:27So, there was a point in my life where I was struggling,
04:30with Faith particularly, and then there was a girl
04:32that I was working with, and she gave me a prayer mat.
04:37And here it is, on Taskmaster.
04:39There it is.
04:40Aww. Nice.
04:41And every time I struggle in something,
04:42I always look at this and remember, like,
04:44the hope at the end of it.
04:46So, I'm grateful, and, yeah, that was it,
04:48and good luck making that funny.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:55There are not many people, I would argue,
04:58on television globally, in my position,
05:01who would have the sheer audacity
05:04to put a rubber sword above an Islamic prayer.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:13I've got to say, it feels like quite the test.
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16It's a really lovely story and a lovely object.
05:19Rosie.
05:21So, I... It's lovely.
05:23Really lovely.
05:24And I'm so glad it brings you so much joy.
05:27Erm, I brought in, erm, a pelvic floor exerciser.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:31APPLAUSE
05:32Sorry, somebody wants that back.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:44You...
05:45..borrowed it.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:47I did, yeah.
05:48Who did you borrow it from?
05:49My fairly close sister.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52You could have lied.
05:53She's being honest, which is good.
05:54I know, yeah.
05:55No, but I...
05:56We've got the same juice.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59Everyone's got their hands on their face.
06:02Everyone.
06:03Like, I washed it in that, obviously.
06:04Obviously.
06:05She'll pop back to the prayer mat for a bit, or...?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07One more.
06:08One more, there's one more.
06:09Oh, God, this is awful.
06:10I dread to think what you've brought in.
06:11So, the best thing to borrow from a close friend,
06:12or a semi-close friend,
06:14is, for me, a prize that has previously been awarded five points
06:29in the prize task category.
06:31Let's see it.
06:32That's nice.
06:33He borrowed this from Fatia.
06:35You wanker!
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40This is the Taskmaster pop-up book that Matthew brought,
06:45and Fatia won, and I asked to look at it,
06:48and she said,
06:49yeah, go ahead, borrow it.
06:50Take it as long as you want.
06:51This was...
06:5245 minutes ago.
06:54LAUGHTER
06:56So, and you gave it five points last time,
06:58so give me them points, baby.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:01OK, that's everything.
07:02I don't know...
07:03No.
07:04..whether you should be borrowing...
07:07..a device for your vagina.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11So...
07:12So, one point.
07:13One point to Rose.
07:14Two points to Matthew's thing.
07:16Two to the kayak.
07:17Got it.
07:18Kayaks are boring.
07:19You give three points to Jason.
07:21How dare you!
07:22Stevie wouldn't be getting four points just for the sword
07:26if I hadn't seen that picture of her in that outfit
07:29next to a bride.
07:30And five points for Fatia because, you know,
07:33of course it was a genuinely touching story
07:35and I'm thrilled that it's so important to you.
07:37Five points to Fatia Oghori!
07:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:41Let's start the tasks popper!
07:45Yes, and we're going to see them doing their best to impress
07:48in the garden, first of all.
07:50MUSIC
08:03Hello.
08:04Hi, Alex.
08:05Hi, Jason.
08:06Hello, Alex.
08:07Lovely to see you.
08:08Lovely to see you.
08:09We were just speaking inside.
08:10Hello.
08:11What's cooking, good looking?
08:12Oh, really?
08:13I went on a school trip bowling and it went really badly.
08:17Knock over all ten skittles in ten minutes.
08:23In America, skittles are a candy.
08:25Ah, what are these?
08:27Bowling pins.
08:28The final skittle should fall exactly when the whistle sounds.
08:32If any skittle is left standing after ten minutes,
08:36you have failed.
08:39You must stay behind the rope at all times.
08:42Closest to ten minutes wins.
08:44Your time starts now.
08:47I mean, it's pointless asking.
08:49There's not a bowling ball that you've got there, is there?
08:51You could do whatever you want behind that rope.
08:53BUZZ
09:00You alluded to a terrible bowling trip there.
09:03Yes.
09:04Do you want to talk about it?
09:05Not really.
09:06No.
09:07OK, I got bullied at school and that's where it started.
09:10So...
09:11It's not...
09:13You ass, it's not funny.
09:15Put the prayer mat up.
09:18Come on, let's bounce.
09:19Let's bounce.
09:20OK, well, first up, and I hope they do really, really well,
09:22at this one, it's Jason, Matt and Stevie's attempts.
09:27I'm going to smash this because I, erm,
09:30went on a bowling trip with school and came last
09:33and it was the pinnacle of the bullying experience
09:37and I...
09:38No-one sat with me on the bus home.
09:40So sorry to trigger you.
09:41So I just need to clear them all but one for now.
09:45That won't do it.
09:47It's a good one.
09:48Sorry, don't wait.
09:49I'm going to do it.
09:50Yes.
09:51Yes.
09:52Yes.
09:53Yes.
09:54Pretty great, right?
09:55Pretty good.
09:56You want the last one going down in nine minutes time.
09:57Three.
09:58Sorry about the pot.
10:00Not bad.
10:01Three.
10:03Sorry about the pot.
10:05Not bad.
10:07OK.
10:13I care nothing for your cameras!
10:17Yeah, you've done one.
10:19Look out.
10:25Hey!
10:31HE SIGHS
10:43One minute five.
10:45Ooh! Watch out!
10:51Yes!
10:53What's the time? 50 seconds.
10:55OK.
10:57HE SIGHS
11:01Ooh!
11:03Ooh!
11:05Are you OK?
11:07I think I'm over the line.
11:11Twelve seconds left. Three Skittles still.
11:13They need to all go down.
11:15He passed me the brick.
11:19Yes!
11:21One brick!
11:23Oh!
11:29Five.
11:30My hands are shaking!
11:31No, come on.
11:32One.
11:35Oh!
11:37I mean, that was...
11:39Hmm.
11:40I'm really sorry.
11:41I'm just a bit upset.
11:42I'm really sorry.
11:43I'm really sorry.
11:44I'm sorry, this is so stupid.
11:45I'm sorry.
11:46Stevie, there must have been an easier way, Matthew.
11:48What the hell is going on?
11:50It's not a real episode.
11:52Is this...?
11:54Rubbish.
11:56Rubbish.
11:58Rubbish all round.
12:00What's next?
12:01OK.
12:02It was a shame.
12:03Well, next up, I'm just going to shut up and press play.
12:06Shall we?
12:07Yes.
12:08Fail the next task in the game.
12:09It's not a real episode.
12:10Is this...?
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Rubbish.
12:13Rubbish.
12:14Rubbish.
12:15Rubbish all round.
12:16What's next?
12:17OK.
12:18It was a shame.
12:19Well, next up, I'm just going to shut up and press play.
12:22BUZZER
12:23BUZZER
12:24BUZZER
12:25BUZZER
12:26BUZZER
12:27BUZZER
12:28Evidence.
12:29BUZZER
12:30BUZZER
12:31Shall we?
12:32Yes.
12:33Fail the next task in the most heartbreakingly spectacular way.
12:39I'm really sorry.
12:40TV?
12:41I'm sorry.
12:42This is so stupid.
12:43TV?
12:44If you succeed in the next task, you will lose one point.
12:48So, the next task?
12:49Yeah.
12:50Are you going to succeed?
12:52Yeah.
12:53How?
12:54By failing.
12:55Good.
12:58So, after this, you're going to go out there, turn left and do a task.
13:01How long?
13:02Two seconds.
13:03You need to fail that task.
13:05BUZZER
13:06If you succeed in the next task, you will lose one point.
13:11Huh?
13:12Let's do it.
13:13Come on.
13:14Where are we going?
13:15We're going out there.
13:19Hi, Jason.
13:20Hello, Alex.
13:21Lovely to see you.
13:22Lovely to see you.
13:23We were just speaking inside.
13:24Were we?
13:25Yeah.
13:26Just, like, mere moments ago.
13:28APPLAUSE
13:29Well, thank God.
13:33So, that means that was a fake fall you did?
13:36A planned fall.
13:37It was real.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Let me be clear.
13:40I fell hard.
13:41Really good.
13:42Jason also chose violence for the 12th time in the series.
13:47Violence against myself.
13:49And the cameraman when you threw a...
13:51Oh, yeah.
13:52I don't think of them as people.
13:53OK.
13:58Oh, I'd love it if you were out of focus for the rest of the episode.
14:01Yeah.
14:02APPLAUSE
14:04Matthew, I genuinely thought that was your actual attempt.
14:08Because you've been so close to some sort of collapse mentally,
14:12because I thought, yeah, I mean, he's nearly there now.
14:15Oh, God.
14:16Thank God.
14:17It was quite harrowing.
14:19It's all right.
14:20I felt very hot and sweaty and embarrassed watching that example.
14:23The total light?
14:24I got bullied, but not that badly, and not at bowling.
14:27LAUGHTER
14:30That's right.
14:31So they all did well, weren't they, so far?
14:32It's most heartbreakingly spectacular.
14:34And they all came down right to the end.
14:36These two missed the final one at the last second,
14:39and 20 seconds before the end, Jason fell.
14:42OK, break time.
14:43Power nap or power crap?
14:45That's up to you, my friends, but whatever you do,
14:47please don't do both at the same time.
14:49That's a nice sofa!
14:51See you in a minute.
14:52APPLAUSE
14:57Hello!
15:02Welcome back to part two of Taskmaster.
15:05There have been some unintentionally glorious failures
15:08on this show over the years,
15:10and now they're trying their best to fail on purpose.
15:14Yeah, boy, this is some next-level stuff.
15:17Wah! Pah! Isn't it?
15:19The task they need to fail is to knock over ten skittles in ten minutes.
15:23If they succeed at the task, they will lose one point.
15:26Now, for the final two heartbreakingly spectacular contestants,
15:29it's Rosie and Fatia.
15:35What do I use?
15:36What would you normally use?
15:38Are you looking for anything in particular?
15:40Yeah, I'm looking for some balls.
15:42These aren't really that heavy.
15:44Oh, yes! Come on.
15:51Are you ready?
15:52I'm ready.
15:56I'll get one, I'll get one.
15:59Oh!
16:03That's a good strategy, right?
16:04They've all got to go down.
16:05I know, I'm trying, I'm trying.
16:07In the next five minutes.
16:08Watch out, everyone.
16:09OK.
16:10Yes!
16:13Yes!
16:14Come on!
16:15Maybe if I throw it.
16:16Maybe.
16:17Hold on.
16:22Yes!
16:23Two left.
16:24You don't want to knock them all down.
16:25Right.
16:30Oh!
16:32The last one's going to fall at exactly ten minutes.
16:37Wow.
16:38I'm coming.
16:39I'm ready to get them all down.
16:45But you haven't knocked any down.
16:47How do you feel?
16:48Terrible.
16:49I'm the best throw-er in my borough.
16:52And now I look.
16:53Yeah.
17:01Congratulations.
17:02You've knocked over all ten,
17:03and there's just two and a half minutes left.
17:05Yeah.
17:06Yeah.
17:11Just, erm...
17:12Check the wording of the task.
17:14Fail the next task in the most...
17:15Oh, heartbreakingly spectacular.
17:17Sorry, I thought it was just shit.
17:21And you didn't fail.
17:22No, I know.
17:23I didn't really understand.
17:24And he talked to me for ages about it.
17:26And I just...
17:27I nodded, didn't I?
17:28Yeah.
17:29Yeah.
17:30And went, I didn't have a clue.
17:32So what does that mean?
17:33Rosie gets...
17:34Well, it means it's mad that she's in second place in the series,
17:36but, erm...
17:38SHE LAUGHS
17:40Er, she has to get minus one point.
17:42That's it.
17:43You have to go down a point in the series.
17:44I'm sorry.
17:45What?!
17:46Oh, you don't understand.
17:47You have to lose a point.
17:48I lose a point!
17:49So, all we know is that Rosie definitely gets minus one point
17:52because she succeeded in the task.
17:53The rest all failed, so it's up to you.
17:55Who was the most heartbreakingly spectacular?
17:56Fatia, do you think that was heartbreaking or spectacular?
17:59I think it was bloody spectacular.
18:02Well, I'm here to tell you it was neither of you.
18:06You're so cruel, but it just makes me want you more.
18:09LAUGHTER
18:11Exactly my tactic, my friend.
18:14OK, two to Fatia.
18:15OK, er, Matthew's was generally quite heartbreaking
18:18because it was, er, you know, part of his ongoing breakdown.
18:22Right.
18:23But I think we have to reward Jason's incredible stunt at the end.
18:27OK.
18:28Spectacular.
18:29Three to Matthew, four to Jason.
18:30Yeah, and then...
18:31No.
18:32Obviously.
18:33Yeah.
18:34I mean, I genuinely believed you were bullied.
18:36I was, but not that bad.
18:38But not that bad.
18:39So it's all cool.
18:40Five points.
18:41Five points, Stevie Martin!
18:42APPLAUSE
18:43Hey, what's the scores?
18:46After two tasks, Rosie's got zero points.
18:49At the other end of the table, we've got Stevie Martin on nine points!
18:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:55Right, another one, then.
18:57Yes, please.
18:58Well, it's an arty team task next that's got them all in a spin.
19:02You go first this time.
19:15Oh, thank you.
19:16Hello, team.
19:17Hello.
19:18Please stand on the spot.
19:20Yep.
19:21Good luck.
19:23J.B. Marzucas!
19:24Each person must write down three words to describe a memorable scene.
19:31You must be silent throughout.
19:33And your team-mate must not see what you have written.
19:38You have one minute.
19:40Your time starts now.
19:42Three words, memorable scene, on that card, please.
19:45A memorable scene.
19:47Like a scene in a film.
19:49Just a memorable scene.
19:50That's all the information.
19:56OK, I'm just going to collect in those cards.
20:04And that's for you.
20:05Aww.
20:06That's the second part of the task.
20:08OK.
20:09OK, here we go.
20:11Paint your memorable scene so that your team-mate can guess your three words.
20:16You must not give any clues about your own three words scene, except by painting the scene.
20:23You must not write any words.
20:25Fastest wins.
20:26Your time starts when the turntable turns.
20:31Turn the turntable.
20:39What?
20:40Are you joking?
20:41Have we got to do it?
20:42It's kind of slow.
20:43Are you kidding me?
20:44Are you kidding me?
20:45Yes.
20:50Your nickname is not going to catch on.
20:52Yes, it is.
20:53It makes you both less memorable.
20:55What?
20:56What is it?
20:57JV Marzoukas.
20:58JV Marzoukas.
20:59We should get a point for having a team name and team spirit.
21:01Yeah.
21:02And we've lost every team task so far.
21:05You have been bad.
21:07Good.
21:08Good.
21:09Let's spin the canvases, man.
21:11Will do.
21:12I suppose we might as well start with a team of two.
21:14Jason and...
21:15Jason...
21:16Please use our technique.
21:17...better known as...
21:18JV Marzoukas.
21:19Thank you!
21:20Yes!
21:22Turn the turntable.
21:27OK.
21:28Oh.
21:29Oh, I see.
21:30OK.
21:32Don't guess yet.
21:38Rabbit.
21:39That is one of the words.
21:40OK.
21:41Oh, dang.
21:42OK.
21:43I'm bad at this.
21:45Now it just looks like boobs.
21:46It looks like boobs, but it's not boobs.
21:47I won't guess boobs?
21:48Yeah.
21:49Wait.
21:50Guess, guess, guess.
21:51Oh, sorry.
21:52Poison.
21:53Skull and crossbones.
21:54Pirate.
21:55Medicine.
22:00Woman?
22:01Yeah.
22:02Graveyard.
22:03Son of a bitch.
22:05What more can I possibly do than what I've done?
22:08Mountain's dead.
22:09Dead is right.
22:10Car.
22:11Yes!
22:12Car.
22:13Great, great, great.
22:14She's got none of yours.
22:15None of mine?
22:16Oh, what is it?
22:18Oh, it's a lip.
22:19It's a car.
22:20It's a boat.
22:21But, but, but.
22:22Smiling.
22:23Smiling.
22:24Lip smiling.
22:25Sad face.
22:26Oh, love.
22:27Kissing.
22:28Kissing.
22:29Kiss.
22:30Kiss is correct.
22:31OK, right.
22:32Memorable scene with kissing.
22:33Boobs kissing.
22:34It doesn't feel like you're doing anything.
22:35Turn them around and start again.
22:36Maybe.
22:37Yeah, great.
22:38That's a great idea.
22:39I'm going to do that.
22:40OK.
22:41So we're starting again.
22:42Right.
22:43Here it comes.
22:44Oh, baby.
22:45It will be memorable.
22:46Oh.
22:47Oh.
22:48I see.
22:49Slap.
22:50Yes.
22:51Correct.
22:52One to go.
22:53We've got two words right now.
22:54OK.
22:55Kiss.
22:56Slap.
22:57Look.
22:58What is that?
23:00Glare.
23:01Glower.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes.
23:04Yes.
23:05Please.
23:06Look glimpse.
23:07Glance.
23:08Glance is right.
23:09I've stopped the clock.
23:10You went from glower to glimpse to glance.
23:12I got glance from that.
23:13That's incredible.
23:14That's incredible.
23:19Can I just say something?
23:20Because before we did it, when we wrote the words, Jason went, just so you know, when we're
23:24writing these words, we're probably going to have to paint them.
23:26And then he wrote glance.
23:27You know what I'm saying?
23:28This was a real low point for JV Martzukas because I felt particularly bad for Stevie because
23:34I am dog shit at every element of this.
23:39What?
23:40This is going to come as a surprise.
23:41I'm willing to say I'm not good at art.
23:45And this, ladies and gentlemen, marks the first time that Jason has admitted that he's
23:51bad at anything.
23:52Yeah.
23:53Unless it's boobs, which I can draw when I'm trying to draw anything.
23:56It comes out looking like boobs.
23:58It comes out looking like boobs.
23:59Thank you for saluting me.
24:00This might be your journey to becoming British, you know?
24:03A bit of self-doubt.
24:04Oh, Daddy!
24:05Oh, God!
24:06OK, advert time.
24:07In a troubled world, what better moment to take the hand of that special person in
24:14your life and tell them that you love them?
24:17Do you want me to get the belt again?
24:18I'm so sorry.
24:19I thought you wanted me to...
24:20No?
24:21We'll see you in a minute.
24:22So sorry.
24:23I'm so sorry.
24:24I thought you wanted me to...
24:25No?
24:26We'll see you in a minute.
24:27So sorry.
24:28APPLAUSE
24:29APPLAUSE
24:30APPLAUSE
24:35APPLAUSE
24:38Well, it's the start of the second half of the show, and there's a team task
24:42which needs closure.
24:43So the task involves each contestant painting a memorable scene on their canvas,
24:46which can be described in three words.
24:49And they then have to guess what each other three words are from their paintings.
24:53Fatia, Matthew and Rosie are all in one team, so this won't be straightforward.
24:58LAUGHTER
24:59Oh, for God's sake.
25:01Right, that's yours then.
25:02LAUGHTER
25:03Right, this is mine.
25:07Oh, sugar.
25:08Do you know what?
25:09I like this, yeah, cos I used to do art.
25:11So I'm going to smash this right up.
25:14Guess what the others are.
25:15Er, lightning.
25:17No.
25:18Storm.
25:19That is one of the words.
25:20Yes.
25:21Is yours Jaws?
25:22Not Jaws.
25:23It's three words.
25:24Captain Phillips?
25:25No, no, it's three words.
25:26Is it love?
25:27Love is one of the words, correct.
25:28Love.
25:29Are we guessing the film?
25:30Ocean.
25:31No, you're just getting the three words that you've been given at.
25:33Oh, just words.
25:34Oh.
25:35Giraffe?
25:36No.
25:37Is it drowning?
25:38Correct.
25:39We're looking for six more words.
25:40Wow.
25:41You've added details.
25:42Is it a sex scene?
25:43Romeo and Juliet.
25:44Is it from Titanic?
25:45Is it?
25:46Weirdly, the Titanic was what was in my mind for this.
25:47Can I tell him?
25:48Definitely not.
25:49No.
25:50No.
25:51That would give it away.
25:52Could I quickly draw some things that might guess the words?
25:53Well, I think you should have done that a while ago.
25:54Oh.
25:55French women.
25:56French is correct.
25:57Oh, yeah.
25:58I can't give any clues, can I?
25:59No, you can by painting.
26:00Life drawing.
26:01Posing.
26:02Figurative.
26:03Masturbating.
26:04Touching yourself.
26:05Are you giving me a clue?
26:06Is it done?
26:07Is it from Titanic?
26:08Is it from Titanic?
26:09Is it?
26:10Is it?
26:11Weirdly, the Titanic was what was in my mind for this.
26:13Can I tell him?
26:14Definitely not.
26:15No.
26:16No.
26:17No.
26:18No.
26:19Are you giving me a clue?
26:20Seduction.
26:21No.
26:22Am I?
26:23Yeah, seduction.
26:24Seductive.
26:25Yeah, let's try it.
26:26What could your word be?
26:27Mine is so easy.
26:28Where are they?
26:29Restaurant.
26:30Café.
26:31Café is right.
26:32Yes!
26:33Is it them?
26:34What's it called?
26:35It's the film.
26:36I'll have what she's.
26:37Harry and Sally.
26:38Correct!
26:39Yay!
26:40High five, brah!
26:41We've got Harry, Sally, Café, Stormlove, Drowning and French.
26:44And French.
26:45Yeah.
26:46Sexy.
26:47Sexy is correct.
26:48OK.
26:49Now, my last word.
26:50How do you draw this?
26:51What's the film?
26:52Titanic.
26:53And what's the scene?
26:54The scene where he paints her naked.
26:55Using?
26:56Using paint.
26:57Pencil.
26:58Crayons.
26:59Charcoal.
27:00Correct!
27:01Is it?
27:02Off the turntable!
27:03I'm so sorry.
27:04I'm so sorry.
27:05I remember the bit where he drowns more.
27:09Well, Rosie, I put it to you that for the vast majority of that task you didn't understand it.
27:21No.
27:22No.
27:23No, I didn't.
27:24What's absolutely fascinating is even when you understood it, you chose to depict the scene where Kate Winslet gets painted with the words, sexy French charcoal.
27:34She says, draw me like one of those French girls.
27:39It's just such a strange combination.
27:41I don't know where these things come from in my brain.
27:43And when Rosie was arguably cheating by simply playing charades, Matthew's desk was figurative masturbation.
27:54And then Fatia stepped in and went, what, touching yourself?
27:57I mean, it's just madness.
28:01Let's hear the timings first.
28:03Yeah, total timings.
28:04I mean, arguably the team of three had a harder job because they're three to get rather than two, but they were substantially slower.
28:10Six minutes, ten for the team of two, twelve minutes, sixteen for the team of three.
28:14So, I suppose three minutes per painting or four minutes per painting.
28:17The team of two definitely won it, so they get five points, I think.
28:20Five points for Stevie and Jason.
28:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:28Well done.
28:29So how many points for the team of three, Ken?
28:31Yes, I'm going to give them three points because, you know, there was some creativity going on there.
28:35Bit of cheating. They took twice as long.
28:37Three seems fair.
28:38Team of three get three, the team of two get five.
28:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:43I would like another task right away.
28:45Yes, right, here we go.
28:47Oh, sorry, can you go off a bit?
28:49Sorry, Lizzie.
28:50That's it, go back a bit.
28:51Back a bit.
28:52Back a bit more, that's it.
28:53Stop.
28:55Sorry, not that.
28:56Go back again.
28:57OK, yeah, from there, please.
28:59Good.
29:00Right, here's the next task.
29:01I came in with a bang.
29:17Jason.
29:20Lots of props.
29:22Obey the autocue.
29:29OK.
29:31The most authoritative delivery with the fewest mistakes wins.
29:37Oh.
29:39Your time starts when the autocue starts.
29:43Have you used autocue before?
29:44No.
29:49Rosie, I forget that you're a mother.
29:51You've got two children, right?
29:52Yeah.
29:53And every now and again, you just get a brief insight into it.
29:56And the way that you arrived at this task and assessed it,
29:59it looked like a mum going into a kid's room and going,
30:02look at the state of this bedroom.
30:03Can you just show the clip?
30:04I know the bit.
30:05It's this bit.
30:14OK, good.
30:15Who's first?
30:16Yes, it's time to try out our first three young science presenters,
30:19Jason, Matt and Rosie.
30:22Commence the autocue.
30:24Oh, hello, folks.
30:25My name is scientist Dr Rosie slash Ramsay.
30:29Dr Jackson Mickey.
30:32My name is Dr Dark Stuff.
30:36And I'd like to welcome you all to Science Today Today.
30:42Science Today.
30:44Science Today.
30:45What's going to happen?
30:47And science all your life.
30:49Get fucking buckled in.
30:52Science Today.
30:53Here we go.
30:56So what's on today's Science Today show?
30:59We're going to do two scientific demonstrations and I guarantee
31:02they'll both blow your mind.
31:07Let me think.
31:08Which two experiments should we do today on Science Today?
31:12OK, we will do...
31:14One.
31:15One.
31:16And three.
31:17Number one and number three.
31:19Oh, yes.
31:20So that means you'll see me do the bounce experiment.
31:24Ha-ha, boing!
31:25Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing.
31:28This ball is so bouncy that every time you drop it, and that's drop, not throw.
31:33It bounces up to a much higher place than where it started.
31:36I know.
31:37Matt, watch this.
31:43Failure.
31:44This fantastical orb has a tiny track out inside,
31:47which means it always returns to exactly where it was thrown from.
31:50Don't believe me?
31:51You will soon.
32:01Ta-da!
32:02Oogie doogie.
32:03Let's move on to my second experiment.
32:07Yes!
32:08Yes!
32:09Did you know a rainbow changes the colour of the whole sky?
32:13I think that's right.
32:14I can't remember.
32:15I'm having trouble sleeping.
32:18There was this time a few years ago when I actually was dropped from a very high height.
32:26I hit someone in my car.
32:35I think they were still okay, but I panicked and I drove away.
32:40Ten years ago, I was lost at sea.
32:45Anyway, there's a way you can change the colour of other things too.
32:51And that way is called paint.
32:54Paint.
32:55Paint!
32:56Paint!
32:59Paint!
33:03If you shut your eyes and really concentrate, you can actually tell the colour of paint by its smell.
33:08Take this tub here, okay?
33:10I'm going to put the tub behind my back and open it without looking at it.
33:13Now, I'm going to do a big sniff of the air in front of me.
33:20That's definitely blue.
33:21Blue.
33:22Blue.
33:23Blue.
33:24Blue.
33:25Blue.
33:26Blue.
33:30Blue.
33:31Blue.
33:32Blue.
33:33That's the one yellow.
33:34Ooh!
33:36I think that one's yellow.
33:38It's yellow.
33:39Totally yellow.
33:40But what happens if I mix these two together?
33:45make a brand new colour that color is called blalo and that color is called james
33:56once they're mixed together i can use my thumb as a paintbrush
34:01it's like a brown color isn't it what's brown a piece of turd
34:07hey presto i've made a blalo car
34:10boobs i've got to go now but not before i sing the thief tune again exactly the same as i sang it
34:21first time round let's dance together goodbye everyone science today science today dr rosie
34:28ramsey science today science yesterday he's not science tomorrow science today i will kill you
34:43when i was a child growing up in the 1970s the bbc used to show really boring open university
34:50lecturers it was so tedious and awful for the vast majority of it that's what matthew reminded me of
34:56that's what i was going for and then every now and then something weird just sneaked in here's
35:03science matt science today and science all your life
35:13i guess those broadcasts when you were a child were different over in the states much more aggressive
35:18yes yeah get fucking buckled in i don't know how relevant i will kill you is listen you know what
35:29that's gonna do bring them back for the next episode i mean the thing i thought about rosie was she's
35:34just a pretty good presenter well that was a task yeah okay let's stop for the last time and take a
35:41break come back when someone will win and then have to give back some borrowed prizes and there was
35:47me thinking this show couldn't get any more low rent we'll see you in a minute
35:55it's the last part of the show and the cast are auditioning to be children's tv science presenters
36:09yes they are because that's what the task told them to do and no one seems to question the premise now
36:15for our final two it is stevie and it is fatia oh hello folks my name's dr darth lightfinger my name is
36:26and i'd like to welcome you all to science today today
36:33which two experiments shall we do today on science today
36:41i'm gonna pick one and four number one the bounce experiment boing boing boing this ball is so
36:52It's so bouncy. Watch this.
36:55Good Lord!
36:57This fantastical orb has a tiny tracker inside.
37:01This is what...
37:02Whoo!
37:03I'm dead.
37:05And I'll also do number two, the toothpaste experiment.
37:10The balloon popping experiment.
37:13Nobody likes the sounds of balloons popping, do they?
37:16Especially not me.
37:17As everyone knows, elephants have teeth that can grow to this big.
37:23Well, you can easily stop a balloon from popping by filling it with liquid.
37:28The best way to get toothpaste for your elephant is to manufacture it in your home.
37:34Here we go, bruv.
37:38This is not going to work. Stop!
37:41First, I just need to add this yeast to my warm water.
37:48I'm stirring vigorously.
37:51See, I told you I could do it.
37:54Now!
37:56This is crazy.
37:57And I'll put all the glitter into the special elephant's toothpaste mixture bottle.
38:01I'm also going to blow a balloon up now.
38:04With the gas inside my body.
38:06I'm not farting into a balloon.
38:07Are you mad?
38:08I always make a horrible retching sound.
38:12Sorry about that.
38:14Brrrr!
38:16Brrrr!
38:18Brrrr!
38:20Watch the chemicals react!
38:23When I put a sharp pin on the first balloon, it won't make a noise at all.
38:30It will be absolutely silent.
38:34Oh, my God.
38:35Is it going to blow?
38:36Oh, my God.
38:37I can't do it.
38:38Ah!
38:40Oh!
38:41Ah!
38:42Bruv.
38:43Look at that.
38:44David Attenborough, you can suck it.
38:46Look at that, bruv.
38:47Now, now, let's give Eddie a little clean.
38:50Brrrr!
38:52Brrrr!
38:53Cover your ears.
38:54It's bang time!
38:56OK, here we go.
38:57Oh, my God.
38:58Oh!
38:59There we go.
39:01That was science today.
39:03Today.
39:04Woo!
39:05Goodbye, everyone.
39:06Science!
39:07Science!
39:08Science!
39:09State of life!
39:10Science is a shit.
39:11Science!
39:12My hands are really sticky.
39:13Science!
39:14Science!
39:15Science!
39:16Yes!
39:17Yes!
39:18Yes!
39:19I just thought she was quite a good presenter.
39:21OK.
39:22Until...
39:23I just...
39:24The noise you made when you were cleaning the elephant's tusks.
39:27I didn't hear it.
39:28Well, let's have a listen.
39:29Here we go.
39:30Roar!
39:31Roar!
39:32Roar!
39:33Roar!
39:34Roar!
39:35Roar!
39:36OK, I get that, yeah.
39:37Not yet?
39:38Yeah.
39:39OK.
39:40The scientist was called...
39:41I couldn't...
39:42Do you know what?
39:43As soon as I walked in, I saw the balloons on the side, I was like,
39:45Oh, shit.
39:46So I couldn't really think of anything.
39:47I just wonder...
39:48Yeah.
39:49If you were a children's science presenter, OK, when you put the pin into the balloon that
39:52has a bit of water in it, you, Fatia, were genuinely amazed it had worked.
39:55You went...
39:56Then you had to get back into fair character.
39:59And I just wonder if...
40:02Should a children's science teacher, when she sticks a pin into a balloon and she's
40:19amazed by it, should she say, David Attenborough, you can suck it?
40:24And I'd argue, should anyone in this country say, David Attenborough, you should suck it?
40:31Look at that, bruv.
40:34LAUGHTER
40:36Well, it's most authoritative delivery. She was authoritative, I think.
40:41She was authoritative.
40:42But also with the fewest mistakes, and arguably you ignored quite a bit of the mistakes.
40:46I feel that Rosie was the most accurate and authoritative, followed by Stevie, and then
40:53Matthew and Fatia and Jason, to me, were all very engaging and very
41:00interesting, but had moments of such madness that it didn't sit within the word authoritative.
41:07LAUGHTER
41:09So you won't like it, but I'm going to give them all three points.
41:11So it's three to Fatia, three to Jason, three to Matthew, four to Stevie,
41:14and five to Rosie Ramsey. There we go!
41:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:18Can we see the score, please?
41:19Yes, well, it is still Hurst to lose. Stevie's in the lead with 18 points now.
41:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:28OK, everybody, please.
41:31Stay where you are for the final task of the show!
41:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:38Who's going to read the task? I think Fatia's going to read the task.
41:45Say whether the next person will have a higher or lower number of things
41:50than the previous person. The category of things will change each time.
41:56If you make two mistakes, you are eliminated. Last player standing wins.
42:01So we start with a picture of me, so it's whether the next person has more or less things than me.
42:07And Greg will tell you what the category of things is.
42:10Ready?
42:11Does the person next in line have a higher or lower shoe size than Alex?
42:19Reveal the person. Higher or lower shoe size than Alex Horne.
42:23Not many people have a higher shoe size than me.
42:26In fact, it's only, Greg. It is Rosie Ramsey. It is lower. You are all right.
42:30Yes!
42:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:33Does the person next in line have a higher or lower Wikipedia entry word count
42:38than Rosie Ramsey?
42:40They've all gone higher. All gone higher.
42:42Well, I can tell you, it is actually. It's Matthew Bainton and it is higher.
42:46It is higher.
42:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:50Sorry, I've broken one of my paddles.
42:53How and why did you do that?
42:54I was using them to clap.
42:56You even destroy stuff when you don't mean to.
42:59LAUGHTER
43:00You're welcome.
43:01OK.
43:02Does the person next in line own a higher or lower number of trainers
43:06than Matthew Bainton?
43:08OK, we've got three lowers, we've got two highers.
43:11Matthew, how many pairs of trainers do you own?
43:13Five.
43:14Greg, how many do you own?
43:1616 pairs.
43:17Higher was right.
43:18We have lost a life here, here and at the end.
43:22All the females lose a life.
43:24Has the person next in line owned a higher or lower number of dogs?
43:29Life total, please.
43:31We've gone higher, higher, lower, lower.
43:33Matt goes higher.
43:34How many dogs have you owned, Greg?
43:35Two dogs!
43:36Oh, fuck.
43:37How many dogs have you owned, Fatia?
43:40Zero, cos they stink!
43:43That one is correct.
43:44If you've gone higher, we have lost Fatia Al Gorey.
43:47She gets one point.
43:48APPLAUSE
43:49Does the person next in line have a higher or lower number of nieces
43:55than Fatia Al Gorey?
43:58She's got family.
44:01Well, I have six nieces.
44:04Fatia?
44:0516.
44:06They're all correct.
44:07They all stay in.
44:08All good.
44:09It's going to be a big wedding, Greg, have you got the dollars?
44:11I have.
44:13Does the next person in line have a lucky number
44:17that is higher or lower than Alex Horne?
44:21Yeah.
44:22Can I ask what the logic is?
44:24I just think he's got a very obtuse, annoying...
44:26Yeah.
44:27Like, 103 or something.
44:28Like, 734.
44:29Exactly.
44:30He's not going to just choose six like a normal person.
44:34Well, let's find out.
44:35Jason, you've gone higher and you are the next person.
44:37What is your lucky number, Jason?
44:3911.
44:40Perfectly normal.
44:41My lucky number is...
44:441.
44:45Whoa!
44:46Oh, no.
44:47It's a trillion!
44:48It's a trillion!
44:49It's a trillion!
44:51Hold it.
44:52We've lost Jason Manzoukas.
44:53He comes fourth.
44:54I knew it.
44:55Has the person next in line visited a higher or lower number
44:58of countries this year than Jason Manzoukas?
45:00Americans don't usually leave America.
45:02Yeah, but he's a famous man.
45:04Yeah, he is.
45:05And here he is in Britain.
45:08LAUGHTER
45:10Well, the next person, it's interesting.
45:11A duge.
45:12It's only Greg Davis.
45:13Jason, how many countries have you visited this year?
45:15I believe it's five.
45:17Is it higher or lower?
45:18It's two, Ashley.
45:19It's lower.
45:20We've lost Rosie Ramsey.
45:21Oh!
45:22APPLAUSE
45:24It's Matthew versus Stevie.
45:26Has the person next in line run a higher or lower distance
45:30ever in their life than Greg Davis?
45:32LAUGHTER
45:34It's this person.
45:36Stevie?
45:37Oh!
45:38What's the highest distance you've ever run in one go?
45:4010k.
45:41I tried to run a mile once.
45:43LAUGHTER
45:44And the man in the park said,
45:47we've been talking, we don't think you should run any more.
45:50LAUGHTER
45:52Well, this is the final one.
45:53It could, of course, be a draw if you both get this right or wrong.
45:56Has the person next in line failed a higher or lower number
45:59of driving tests than Stevie Martin?
46:02Lower? Higher?
46:04It's you, Matthew.
46:05How many have you failed?
46:06One.
46:07How many have you failed?
46:08None.
46:09We have a winner.
46:10It's...
46:11Stevie Martin!
46:12CHEERING
46:14Stevie Martin wins.
46:16We'll add that to the final scores.
46:18We'll see you back down there!
46:25She's done very badly in almost every episode.
46:27Oh, my gosh.
46:28She's been rubbish.
46:30But in this particular episode,
46:31she has got a grand total of 23 points.
46:35She's won the episode.
46:36It's Stevie Martin!
46:37Stevie Martin!
46:38CHEERING
46:40Stevie is today's winner.
46:43Please bowl up to the stage to behold your boy, Malone!
46:48CHEERING
46:49Well, it's just two episodes to go, but for now,
46:52it's tonight's winner.
46:53She's done it!
46:54Stevie Martin!
46:55CHEERING
46:56CHEERING
46:59AND APPLAUSE
47:01INCLUDE
47:13INCLUDE
47:14MUSIC
47:15INCLUDE
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47:27
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