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00:00:00Sous-titrage MFP.
00:00:30All my life, I've been in love with Missy McLeod.
00:00:34That's her, back at her first-grade birthday party.
00:00:38Even at the age of six, Missy was the kind of girl that everyone just liked being around.
00:00:44Me especially. That's me in the back, with the little red fireman's hat on.
00:00:50And that is the most amazing present in the world.
00:00:54It took me almost a year to save up enough to buy it.
00:00:58And when she opened it, I was sure she'd fall helplessly in love with me.
00:01:03It couldn't fail.
00:01:07Johnny, don't you have something for Missy?
00:01:12This was it. My golden moment.
00:01:16In front of everyone, the most exotic creature alive would fall totally in love with me. Forever.
00:01:21I had the confidence. I had the gift.
00:01:26Wilson?
00:01:29But I went out.
00:01:31Take time!
00:01:36What are you looking at, dirt bag?
00:01:41Over the next 12 years, I lusted after Missy.
00:01:55She filled out in all the right places.
00:01:57The ones I'd been reading about in the National Geographic.
00:02:01The more she grew up, the more helplessly in love I became.
00:02:06That was the problem.
00:02:07Well, you know what they say.
00:02:09Love makes you do crazy things.
00:02:12Well, my love for Missy drove me to do the most unimaginable thing one human being can do to another.
00:02:18But that comes later.
00:02:20My story begins at the end of my senior year in high school.
00:02:23On the historic day after Missy broke up with Buck Van Patten,
00:02:27her boyfriend for the last six years,
00:02:29I was ecstatic.
00:02:30This day was the beginning of the end of my life.
00:02:42Damn right, 715.
00:02:43Oh!
00:02:44Oh!
00:02:59Dude.
00:03:08Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
00:03:10What's your hurry there, son?
00:03:12Today I'm going to ask the most perfect girl in the world to the prom.
00:03:14Oh, you're going to ask your own mother, eh?
00:03:18Oh, you.
00:03:20Sit down, honey.
00:03:22Breakfast is ready.
00:03:23What's the time, Mom?
00:03:24Always time for a good breakfast.
00:03:26You're absolutely right.
00:03:29A donut isn't breakfast.
00:03:30It's fine, Mom.
00:03:32Where's the vitamin C?
00:03:33Where's the fiber?
00:03:35I'll eat on the way.
00:03:36Oh, well, that way better not take you across Mrs. Jones' yard, son.
00:03:40We don't want the neighbors to think ill of us.
00:03:44Hi, Mrs. Smedge.
00:03:50You said you wanted to see me,
00:03:52but then you changed your mind.
00:03:53Morning, Johnny.
00:03:56Morning, Mrs. Jones.
00:03:57Hope you don't think ill of me.
00:03:58You bet it's so dark in time.
00:04:02Maybe I'm not the right thing for you,
00:04:05because I worked too hard to believe it's true,
00:04:08but then I love all the crazy things you do,
00:04:11so I'm in limbo.
00:04:12Oh, my God.
00:04:14Hello.
00:04:15Come on.
00:04:16Hey.
00:04:18I ask you, yes or no,
00:04:20you tell me maybe.
00:04:23Morning, John.
00:04:24Hey.
00:04:25Certainly yes.
00:04:26No, I think I'm in hate.
00:04:31Well, Johnson never had it so good,
00:04:33because if it's hell, I'm in it,
00:04:35at least it's understood.
00:04:36And I'd believe in heaven if I only could,
00:04:39but I'm in limbo.
00:04:42I'm dancing in limbo.
00:04:44Well, they don't know what they want from me,
00:04:49and maybe I don't know where I want to be,
00:04:52but with the way things look,
00:04:54I know we're permanently,
00:04:55and I'm in limbo.
00:04:57Hello, man, Johnny.
00:04:58Hi, Mrs. Apple Bob.
00:04:59Come on, Jackson, boy.
00:05:01Baby, we're about to shake your body down.
00:05:05We're gonna groove it in beauty.
00:05:08I'm drawing it down.
00:05:13There she is.
00:05:14That's Missy, all grown up.
00:05:18And that's my friend Eddie.
00:05:21He's a dick, but I like him.
00:05:24Hey, Missy.
00:05:25I just wanted to say you look really nice today
00:05:28in a physically perfect,
00:05:31newly available kind of way.
00:05:35Thanks.
00:05:36Extinguish all talking.
00:05:39Now, who can tell me how heroes are created?
00:05:42Gerald?
00:05:43Well, that's a tricky question.
00:05:46I don't think heroes are born.
00:05:49I think they're made.
00:05:51They're normal men
00:05:52faced with extraordinary circumstances.
00:05:56My personal hero is Jane Goodall.
00:06:01When she was born,
00:06:02she didn't know anything about apes and their culture.
00:06:05But as she grew,
00:06:07she studied really hard.
00:06:08Hey, Tiger.
00:06:11You talking to me?
00:06:13Mm-hmm.
00:06:14I know that you've been really concerned lately
00:06:17that you're still a virgin
00:06:19and you don't have a date to the prom.
00:06:21and that you're sexually stupid.
00:06:29But those things,
00:06:31they mean nothing to me.
00:06:33I love you just the way you are.
00:06:37Oh, I see.
00:06:39I'm dreaming.
00:06:39We're here at the lovely Fairview Gymnasium,
00:06:47the site of Johnny Dingle's
00:06:49most ambitious sexual challenge today.
00:06:52And there's Johnny Dingle himself
00:06:53looking really pumped up for tonight's event.
00:06:56The crowd just loves this kid.
00:06:59It looks like he may go all the way tonight.
00:07:03And there he goes.
00:07:05Oh, and a flag on the play!
00:07:09First is foul.
00:07:10The challenger, Johnny Dingle,
00:07:11is not using a regulation-sized unit.
00:07:14He's disqualified!
00:07:16What do you mean it's not regulation?
00:07:18This is the most pathetic sexual fantasy
00:07:21I've ever seen.
00:07:24Say goodnight, sex boy.
00:07:27No!
00:07:28Go get her.
00:07:36Attention soon.
00:07:37There will be a surprise-fired rule.
00:07:39Missy!
00:07:39Yeah?
00:07:41I, uh...
00:07:42I have something I want to ask.
00:07:46Okay, shoot.
00:07:51You trying to hypnotize me?
00:07:54No, no, um...
00:07:56No, what I want to ask is this.
00:07:58Since you're not seeing Buck anymore,
00:08:00I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go to the...
00:08:02Midway!
00:08:09No!
00:08:09No!
00:08:11Buck, what are you doing?
00:08:13What is this?
00:08:14I am so sorry.
00:08:16I'm an idiot.
00:08:17Well, no kidding.
00:08:18You stand me up,
00:08:19and then you don't even call me.
00:08:21My car broke down.
00:08:22I had to walk eight miles through the rain
00:08:24to get to a telephone,
00:08:25and by the time I got there,
00:08:26you were already gone.
00:08:26Really?
00:08:28I would walk on glass
00:08:29and eat donkeys for you.
00:08:32I can't live knowing that you're not mine.
00:08:36Will you go to prom with me?
00:08:40Of course I will, silly.
00:08:43I'm sorry, too.
00:08:44Let's not fight anymore.
00:08:45What's up, Dingle?
00:08:55Nice zit.
00:08:56See you, Johnny.
00:08:57What are you looking at?
00:09:02Nothing.
00:09:03Dirt bag.
00:09:07Well,
00:09:08that blew ropey goat chunks now, didn't it?
00:09:12It's not over.
00:09:13That's when I came up with a plan
00:09:16that would change my life forever.
00:09:18And it could have worked, too.
00:09:19It was swashbuckling, romantic, daring.
00:09:23All right.
00:09:24Let me see it.
00:09:25This is absurd.
00:09:27Let me see it.
00:09:28Unfortunately,
00:09:29it depended on Eddie.
00:09:33All right.
00:09:34Give me all your money.
00:09:36That was it?
00:09:37That was menacing?
00:09:37All right.
00:09:39Newsflash.
00:09:39This just in, Johnny.
00:09:40Missy is going to the prom with Buck.
00:09:43You got it?
00:09:43Look,
00:09:44you pretend to kill her.
00:09:45I save her life.
00:09:46She thinks I'm a hero,
00:09:48ditches Buck,
00:09:48and goes to the prom with me.
00:09:50How sweet is that?
00:09:52This is desperate,
00:09:54and this is sick.
00:09:55I think you should get some therapy.
00:09:57I do.
00:09:59With the steadfast support
00:10:00of my best friend
00:10:01and the cool cunning
00:10:02of a master tactician,
00:10:04I swung into action.
00:10:05You're not being your lover
00:10:08Ain't such a shame
00:10:10Don't you feel the same
00:10:13That you should be
00:10:15Fine, fine, fine
00:10:18Yet such a shame
00:10:21Tell me who you are
00:10:22Hi, Johnny.
00:10:24Hey there.
00:10:37Is that it?
00:10:38Anything else?
00:10:44Yeah, um, please.
00:10:49Freeze!
00:10:50Don't move!
00:10:51Give me your money!
00:10:52Give me your money!
00:10:57Give me your money!
00:10:58Come on!
00:10:58Come on!
00:10:59What the hell
00:11:13do you think you're doing?
00:11:16Uh, nothing.
00:11:18You gonna rob this store?
00:11:20Uh, yes.
00:11:21Yes, I was.
00:11:22But you can rob it
00:11:23if you want.
00:11:24I'll come back tomorrow.
00:11:24I can always come back tomorrow.
00:11:25Give me your mask.
00:11:28Okay, we have one fly swatter,
00:11:30one pair of red fuzzy dice,
00:11:33yellow army tank.
00:11:38Anything else?
00:11:39Chinese checkers,
00:11:40a birdhouse, perhaps?
00:11:41All right, give me all your money
00:11:46or I'll blow your goddamn brains out.
00:11:48Hey!
00:11:49Don't talk to her like that!
00:11:51What?
00:11:51Who the hell
00:11:52do you think you are, buddy?
00:11:54Excuse me.
00:11:55Do you have a gun?
00:11:56No.
00:11:56Then shut up!
00:11:58That's the one at the top.
00:11:59What?
00:12:02Let's go.
00:12:04Damn right.
00:12:05Let's go.
00:12:06Let's go!
00:12:12Look out!
00:12:13Ah!
00:12:25Johnny?
00:12:29Johnny?
00:12:30Oh my god
00:12:33I'm not dreaming
00:12:36Would you like to go to the prom with me?
00:12:42Sure
00:12:43Great
00:13:00Oh John, are you lost?
00:13:03Are you alone?
00:13:05If you fall in your empty forest and you cry out
00:13:08Will no one hear you?
00:13:10We here today will join you
00:13:12In such a short time
00:13:13We will miss you
00:13:15Dear God
00:13:16Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
00:13:19What once was is no longer
00:13:21Amen
00:13:22Amen
00:13:23Amen
00:13:30Goodbye son
00:13:56Be nice to God
00:14:00I made you bologna and mustard
00:14:02Where the edges cut off
00:14:05Just the way you like it
00:14:09You ate all of it, do you hear me?
00:14:12Can you hear your mother?
00:14:15Come on Marge
00:14:15Goodbye Johnny
00:14:26I wish we could have gotten to know each other
00:14:30Hoo
00:14:33Hoo
00:14:38Hoo
00:14:42Hoo
00:14:42Hoo
00:14:47Hoo
00:14:49Hoo
00:14:51Hoo
00:14:52low
01:16:48C'est ici, où nous passons la décision, et nous sendons vous à la terre ou à la terre.
01:16:53Vous n'allez pas de se déplacer de la mort, à l'intérieur de la terre, attendre à la mort une seconde fois.
01:17:00Je ne pensais pas que ça, c'est juste que ça.
01:17:07Sorry, je suis allé à la yelling.
01:17:09C'est la situation.
01:17:12Il y a eu un petit mistake.
01:17:15Qu'est-ce qu'un mistake?
01:17:16Le fact est, vous n'êtes pas vraiment supposé mourir dans la convenience store.
01:17:23Qu'est-ce qu'il y a ?
01:17:24Non, non, juste calme dans, c'est tout ici.
01:17:26May 28, 8.33 p.m.
01:17:29Robber enters la convenience store, threatens Mrs. McLeod, she attempts à stopper le robberie.
01:17:33Robber turns to shoot her, doing so, knocks over Potter's coffee with his elbow.
01:17:37Wait a minute !
01:17:37He was supposed to slip on coffee ?
01:17:41Supposed to, mais il n'est pas très souvent.
01:17:45Mais il y a quelqu'un, il y a quelqu'un, il y a quelqu'un, et le résultat est un malade, tragique mistake.
01:17:51Le résultat est, je suis mort !
01:17:53Whenever we make a mistake, we try to rectify it by giving the person a second chance on life.
01:17:59A chance to prove their worth.
01:18:01That accounts for the existence of the occasional zombie.
01:18:05What they do, when back from the dead, determines what we do with them in the afterlife.
01:18:11Hey, look.
01:18:13I want to talk to you about Chuck.
01:18:14He was practically dead before I ate him.
01:18:16I'm sorry.
01:18:19It's time you were on your way.
01:18:21On my way to where ?
01:18:23To where you belong, Johnny Dingle.
01:18:26To where you belong.
01:18:32Next.
01:18:32Hi, Johnny.
01:18:48Hey.
01:18:50All right, give me all your money or I'll blow your damn brains out.
01:18:54Don't worry.
01:18:56Everything will be okay.
01:18:58Let's go !
01:18:58Let's go !
01:19:00Let's go !
01:19:06Look out !
01:19:11Johnny !
01:19:23Now he knocks over the coffee.
01:19:25Oh, God, Johnny.
01:19:27Ever since the first grade, I've been desperately in love with you.
01:19:37You're the kindest, smartest, most beautiful girl I've ever known.
01:19:42And after I'm gone,
01:19:43I just want you to know that you meant more to me
01:19:47than life itself.
01:19:49I love you, Missy.
01:19:51I love you, Missy.
01:20:00You're not shot.
01:20:01What ?
01:20:02What ?
01:20:03The bullet hit this thing you were wearing.
01:20:09You tried to sacrifice your life for me.
01:20:10You'd have done the same for me.
01:20:22Trust me.
01:20:26You tried to sacrifice your life for me.
01:20:28You'd have done the same for me.
01:20:29You'd have done the same for me.
01:20:33Trust me.
01:20:35I know.
01:20:36Would you like to go to the prom with me ?
01:20:43And that's it.
01:20:44That's the whole story.
01:20:46I know it seems pretty preposterous, but it happened just that way.
01:20:59If I had to do it all over again and I could do it differently,
01:21:02you know what I'd change?
01:21:04Nothing.
01:21:06Well, I take that back.
01:21:07That's not entirely true.
01:21:09I think I would have eaten Buck.
01:21:11And all the deemies.
01:21:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:21:29I woke up my way.