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  • 2 days ago
EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

Drama, Romance, Comedy, Action, Fantasy, Crime, Thriller

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Transcript
00:00We should hit the coast tonight.
00:06Oh, shit.
00:07Unless you want to stop in Portland.
00:09Should we take a detour?
00:10This is a detour.
00:12You know, I'm just not ready to be done with the road yet.
00:15We still have to drive basically the entire length of the United States to get back to Los Angeles.
00:20Yeah.
00:21We could stretch that out a few days.
00:23Cool.
00:25Maybe swing by Palm Springs.
00:27I love Palm Springs.
00:28It's warm in Palm Springs.
00:29That's right.
00:43How are we going to park this thing in Portland?
00:45I don't know.
00:46It's Portland.
00:47I'm sure you could just park it anywhere.
00:48It's kind of the same bulk of parking.
00:49It's reserved for like sustainable bicycles and vegan taco trucks.
00:54Probably right about that.
00:56Yeah, my neck's killing me.
01:00Mine too.
01:01I think that mattress is from the 1960s.
01:04Oh, definitely.
01:05Yeah.
01:06It's like made out of wood.
01:07Yeah, like driftwood.
01:09Spiky driftwood.
01:14I have an idea.
01:15Okay.
01:16It's irresponsible.
01:17Oh, that sounds really interesting.
01:19Tell me more.
01:20Tell me more.
01:21We could stay in a hotel.
01:24Are you serious?
01:26Yes.
01:27Yes.
01:28I could kiss you.
01:29Do it.
01:30No, no, no.
01:31I can't realize why you're gonna grab the whole cart.
01:32You're gonna catch the car.
01:33Stop!
01:34Hmm
01:38Oh, is it necessary? Checking in?
02:06Yes, it should be under Calvin Fetsick.
02:10Great. I just need a credit card for incidentals.
02:12There should already be one on file.
02:14Which one of you is Valerie?
02:16It's cute. It's kind of cute.
02:18Are you sure this is in approved use?
02:20I think this qualifies as an emergency.
02:22I should probably check.
02:24Can I use your phone?
02:25Yeah, right over there.
02:27Oh, hey, sweetie. How's the open road?
02:38It's good. It's good. We're almost to California.
02:40What? Poo!
02:42So soon?
02:43Yeah, well, we gotta get back. Good jobs.
02:45Jobs, yes. Yes, you do.
02:47I really think you should take the time and enjoy this.
02:50I know. We will. We have. Thank you.
02:53Darling, youth is so fleeting.
02:56I wish you were just a little bit stupid so you could enjoy it.
02:59Me too.
03:00I mean, enjoy it while it lasts.
03:02No one who is young will ever be old.
03:05I'm gonna deposit some more money into your account.
03:08I mean, you don't have to do that.
03:09Yes.
03:10Yes, I do.
03:11And I want you to go to dinner or something.
03:13Check into a nice hotel.
03:14We really can. I can't.
03:15Because I don't want to hear another word about it.
03:17Okay. Thank you. I'm gonna pay you back.
03:22No. No, you're not.
03:23I'm going to pay you back.
03:24I won't accept it.
03:25I'm gonna pay you back.
03:26I'll burn it.
03:27Mom.
03:28Look, if you want to give me a present, live a good life.
03:32I can take value in that.
03:34Or buy me a martini, a nice glass of wine, rosé, perhaps.
03:41You know, when I least expect it.
03:44Okay. Thank you.
03:47I've got to go, darling.
03:48I have a hot date.
03:49Yeah?
03:50I do.
03:51Wouldn't you like to know?
03:52It's not dad, is it?
03:53Hello?
03:54Mom?
03:55Mom?
03:56Want to check out the hotel bar?
04:11Definitely.
04:12Yes.
04:18Does it still count as social drinking if it's just the two of us?
04:23Definitely.
04:24Social drinking, then.
04:26Before noon.
04:27Does this count as brunch?
04:29I think we have to be eating for it to be brunch.
04:32Hilarious.
04:35Want to get some actual food?
04:37Oh.
04:38It's gotten into you, Big Spender.
04:39I'm just trying to let go a little, I don't know, worry less.
04:44Because there's so much to worry about.
04:45Oh, my God.
04:46There's so much to worry about.
04:47Don't go to that dark place.
04:51I'm trying.
04:52I have to go to the bathroom?
04:54Don't be finished with that by the time I get back.
04:57Promise.
04:58Hi.
04:59Can we get two whiskies, neat?
05:01And another one for the gentleman?
05:05The seat taken?
05:06Go for it.
05:07How you doing?
05:08I'm Patrick.
05:09This is my husband, Jerry.
05:11Calvin.
05:12Cal.
05:13How'd you know I'm an alcoholic?
05:18Well, you seem gay.
05:19Thanks.
05:20You guys seem pretty gay yourselves.
05:21We try.
05:22What brings you to Portland, Cal?
05:25We are driving from New York to Los Angeles.
05:28Oh, the scenic route.
05:30Who's we?
05:31Me and my boyfriend, Tom.
05:34Oh.
05:35Lucky boyfriend.
05:37Looks like you're lucky yourself.
05:39Lucky?
05:40We gambling?
05:41Is gambling even legal in Portland?
05:43No, we are drinking with these guys.
05:46This is Pat.
05:47This is Jerry.
05:48Like Tom and Jerry.
05:50Uh, no.
05:51You and I would be Tom and Jerry.
05:52All right.
05:53So you guys stay in here?
05:54Yeah.
05:55Uh, room 302.
05:57Huh.
05:58We have a suite upstairs.
05:59We're in town from San Jose.
06:01I need your little couples getaway.
06:03We could have a drink in our room.
06:06I'd like that.
06:08You know I love to drink.
06:10Can we get a bottle of cava?
06:12Sure.
06:13No touch, ma'am.
06:14Oh, okay.
06:15I mean...
06:17It's Portland.
06:18Yeah, apparently.
06:26And that's when I knew I had to sell the fucking company.
06:28I was not gonna be a slave to my work anymore.
06:31Well, to the emancipation of Jerry.
06:33I mean, look, don't get me wrong.
06:34I loved what I did.
06:35But the tech world did not love me back.
06:37Well, it can be sexist.
06:39Yeah.
06:40And homophobic can casually racist.
06:42Oh, so you mean it's just like the rest of the world.
06:44Absolutely.
06:45But they're supposed to make the world a better place.
06:46Or whatever.
06:47The point is that they're smart enough to know better.
06:49So what do you do now?
06:50Well, some consulting.
06:51Mainly I just live off my investments.
06:53What about you?
06:54Mainly I just live off his investments.
06:56Cheers.
06:57We, uh, decided to quit our jobs together
06:59and do some traveling for a few years.
07:01It's not the lifestyle that I had envisioned,
07:04but we're comfortable.
07:06Yeah.
07:07I'd say you guys are very comfortable.
07:09Well, we can afford a few luxuries.
07:10Look, eventually you'll have fewer reasons
07:13to deny yourself the things you want.
07:15Oh, so you mean eventually we'll get to a point
07:17where we're not broke?
07:18You can't be that broke.
07:20You're staying here.
07:21Not in a room like this.
07:22A room is nice.
07:23Yeah, I know a room is nice.
07:25What should I have got in the penthouse?
07:26Uh-oh, you guys sound like us.
07:28Really?
07:29Oh, yeah.
07:30He's always riding me about money.
07:31Yeah, among other things.
07:33Woof.
07:34So how long have you guys been together?
07:37Coming up on 20 years.
07:38Wow.
07:39Take that straight, people.
07:41Huh?
07:42Yeah.
07:43Huh?
07:44Yeah.
07:45And we did it without having to shit out
07:46a bunch of kids to distract ourselves from one another.
07:48Yeah, there's nothing wrong with wanting kids.
07:50Okay.
07:51You guys want kids?
07:52No.
07:53No, God.
07:54Good, we hate kids.
07:55You're not going to get up with another couple and having
07:56their toddler waddle up to the hot tub.
07:59Makes you feel like a pervert.
08:01We kind of are perverts.
08:02It's kind of what makes it fun.
08:04I actually write about that a lot.
08:06You're a writer?
08:07Woof.
08:08Sort of.
08:09He's a writer.
08:10He had a piece in the Paris Review.
08:12Four years ago.
08:13He's been published in a lot of very distinguished blogs.
08:15I love the Paris Review and blogs and perverts.
08:18Careful not to become an old pervert.
08:20Nobody likes an old pervert.
08:21We're not old perverts.
08:22Yet.
08:23But you've got to check in with yourself from time to time
08:25to make sure that you haven't transitioned into one of those old leches.
08:28When does that happen exactly?
08:29Yeah.
08:30It depends on who you ask.
08:31No.
08:32It's right around 30.
08:33No.
08:34I'm just saying.
08:35Cheers.
08:36It's so nice to talk to another couple that we can actually relate to.
08:41Is it because we're old perverts?
08:43No.
08:44Because you're perverts in love.
08:45Jesus Christ.
08:4620 fucking years?
08:4720 years of fucking.
08:48Oh.
08:49What's your fucking secret?
08:50I think it's harder to do what you guys are doing.
08:53I don't think any of our younger friends have stayed together as long as you guys have.
08:56Plus, with the internet and our phones making everywhere you go a cruising ground,
09:00it's too easy to wander away from each other at a bit.
09:03We were monogamous for 10 years.
09:06Partially because of AIDS.
09:08Seriously?
09:09You're bringing up AIDS?
09:10What?
09:11No.
09:12We should talk about it.
09:13I think what Cal means to say is A.
09:16And B.
09:1720 fucking years.
09:18That's incredible.
09:19Well, we know what works for us.
09:21Right?
09:22You have to know what you want and you have to ask for it.
09:25Right.
09:26It's about communicating.
09:28And it's about accepting the other person completely, including their flaws.
09:32I've got flaws.
09:34God knows I've got flaws.
09:37I mean, the things that I've done to get ahead.
09:39The people that I fucked over.
09:40The people that we fucked.
09:42Mistakes were made.
09:46I'm sorry.
09:47I talk too much.
09:49It's another flaw.
09:50But that's who I am.
09:52There's more beauty in truth, even if it's sinful.
09:55Even if it's dreadful.
09:57I accept your flaws.
09:59I celebrate your flaws.
10:01And I forgive you for bringing up AIDS.
10:03I mean.
10:04Okay.
10:05You're drunk.
10:06We're all drunk and dreadful, apparently.
10:08And sinful.
10:09We all are.
10:11That's life.
10:15The ways of sin are curious.
10:17I guess if a man had to shuck off all he had inside and out, he'd manage to hide a few
10:25little sins somewhere for his discomfort.
10:30They're the last things we'll give up.
10:32Steinbeck.
10:34But if you can share those little sins, I mean, there's no such thing as honesty.
10:41But you've got to get as close to honest as you can get.
10:45To hold on to any hope at all.
10:47Now, here's a little secret.
10:48When he starts quoting Steinbeck, that means he's too drunk.
10:51I love Steinbeck.
10:52And he's right.
10:53I am a big fucking drunk.
10:56But he celebrates me.
10:58Doesn't he?
11:00Despite everything.
11:01Always, baby.
11:02And I celebrate you.
11:04I don't know.
11:05What about you?
11:07Do you celebrate each other?
11:12I think so.
11:13Yeah.
11:14Sometimes.
11:15Yeah.
11:16I mean, I think he could really stand to worry a lot less.
11:19And maybe drink a lot less.
11:20And he could probably stand to worry a little bit more and maybe have a little bit of a direction in his life.
11:25Okay, cool.
11:26And I think that you could probably actually stand to not be such a fucking mess every night and make a dramatic fucking scene and regretting it the next morning.
11:32Oh, is that so?
11:33Yes.
11:34Yeah.
11:35You could stand to.
11:36All I'm saying.
11:41So who's the top and who's the bottom?
11:44Well.
11:45Come on.
11:47Oh, come on.
11:49We take turns.
11:51This is bullshit.
11:52No, we do.
11:53It's 80-20.
11:54It's always 80-20.
11:55No.
11:56Okay, fine.
11:57But, I mean, that's not always true, but fine.
11:59Okay.
12:00So who's the 80?
12:01Who's the 20?
12:02There even is the 80 and the 20.
12:03Yeah.
12:04Well, since you guys are so flexible, I'll guess.
12:09Pat, why don't you take Tom into the other room?
12:12More champagne for us.
12:13Or we could all just stay together.
12:15Oh, you'll get sick of that eventually.
12:17Besides, I think you guys need a little break from each other.
12:21Sure.
12:22Why not?
12:26Have fun.
12:40Is your boyfriend gonna get jealous?
12:42Yeah.
12:43Maybe sometimes.
12:45Not often.
12:47We're really more like 60-40.
12:50Not that there's anything wrong with 80-20.
12:52Yeah.
12:53Whatever.
12:54We don't get jealous anymore.
12:56We're beyond jealousy.
12:58That's good.
12:59That's not to say he can't be an asshole.
13:02That's our biggest problem now.
13:04He can be so fucking stingy sometimes.
13:06And mean.
13:08I'm sorry.
13:09No, no.
13:10It's okay.
13:12I honestly don't care anymore.
13:15Not caring.
13:18It works for us.
13:19Yeah.
13:22Can I ask you a question?
13:24I'm on prep.
13:25We use condoms.
13:26And I'm sorry he kept bringing up AIDS.
13:28It's not bad.
13:29It's just, um, good.
13:30Us too.
13:32It seemed like we're...
13:35What?
13:36I don't know.
13:38Broken.
13:39No more than anybody.
13:42Have you read The Velvet Rage?
13:45Yeah.
13:46No.
13:47Not yet.
13:48I'm going to.
13:51Yeah, you should read it.
13:53I'm sorry.
13:54It's just, we haven't really done this in a few years without each other.
14:06It's pretty much all we do.
14:08You're okay with that?
14:11Let me ask you a question.
14:14Are you in love?
14:16Yeah.
14:17Then stop worrying so much.
14:19There's another Steinbeck quote from a letter to his lovesick son.
14:23Nothing good gets away.
14:29You really believe that?
14:35I have to.
14:45You guys seem like you're always at each other's throats.
14:48Not all of them.
14:49I'm glad I ended up with you.
14:53Me too.
14:58You can fuck me raw.
15:00Just don't tell Jerry.
15:05Um, I think I should go check him out.
15:08It's okay.
15:09No, no.
15:10Come on.
15:11Come on.
15:12All right.
15:13All right.
15:21Hey.
15:22Hey asshole.
15:24I'm really drunk.
15:26You?
15:27Never.
15:28Let's go.
15:29Let's go.
15:30Ooh.
15:31Ooh.
15:32Ooh.
15:33Ooh.
15:34Ooh.
15:35Ooh.
15:36Ooh.
15:37Ooh.
15:38Ooh.
15:41Here we go now.
15:42Let's make our own way.
15:44Twenty miles to the beach.
15:47That was so fucking strange.
16:03Sad?
16:04Yeah.
16:06Yeah.
16:11Yeah.
16:14I don't want to be sad.
16:20I guess we have to settle for strange.
16:22Now was the time and what happened like we wanted.
16:38Wow.
16:39Yeah.
16:40Feels like home.
16:42What are you talking about?
16:43We never went to the ocean.
16:44There's too much traffic.
16:46I miss the east side.
16:49We'll be back soon.
16:53Did you see what I stole from the hotel?
16:55Yes.
16:56You're ridiculous.
16:57Haha.
16:58I know.
17:05I've been thinking.
17:06Ah.
17:07It'd be dangerous.
17:09We have a decision to make.
17:10We just don't know what it is.
17:13Deep.
17:14No.
17:15Well life isn't deep.
17:16Life is shallow.
17:17Life's a cliche.
17:19You should put that on the coffee mug.
17:22I don't know.
17:23It's a little ambiguous for the morning.
17:25How about I don't do Mondays?
17:27Haha.
17:29You're like Garfield the cat.
17:30I get that a lot.
17:31Yeah?
17:32And the slutty green M&M.
17:38Do we have a dysfunctional relationship?
17:40Oh yeah.
17:42I just don't want us to drift apart.
17:44I don't want us to wear each other down until we don't care anymore.
17:47I just don't want to stop caring.
17:50It's not going to happen.
17:53It's going to work because it's got to work and it's got to work because I said so.
18:04We're a mess.
18:05Yeah.
18:08But I am so happy to be falling apart with you.
18:19Me too.
18:25Let's get in the water.
18:26What?
18:27Let's get in the fucking ocean.
18:28Wow.
18:30You're insane.
18:34Here we go now, let's make our own way.
18:40Now is the time and we'll make it okay.
18:43We'll make our own way.
18:46Make our own way.
18:54Make our own way.
18:55All we need is a roof out of one place.
19:04We'll be fine now just like the old days.
19:07I love you.
19:14I love you too, Ash.
19:15Now is the time when we'll have a lovely one in the room.
19:26We can make our own way.
19:33We can make our own way.
19:38Morning.
19:40Hey.
19:42You writing?
19:43Yeah.
19:44It's all shit.
19:51I don't want to go back to real life.
19:53This isn't real life?
19:55You gotta get jobs, you gotta get the cat back from Hillary if the cat's still alive.
20:01Gotta find a place to live.
20:04That's what this is for.
20:07I wish this was real life.
20:09So do I.
20:10You're on the road.
20:11Will you drive?
20:12Yes.
20:13Will you drive?
20:14Yes.
20:15I hate driving.
20:16Oh man, I don't want to ever parallel park this thing again.
20:17Oh man, I don't want to ever parallel park this thing again.
20:18I didn't think we'd find parking.
20:19I don't want to ever parallel park this thing again.
20:20Finding one spot in somewhere is hard enough.
20:21Finding one spot in somewhere is hard enough.
20:22I don't want to ever parallel park this thing again.
20:23Oh man, I don't want to ever parallel park this thing again.
20:24I didn't think we'd find parking.
20:25Finding one spot in somewhere is hard enough.
20:38You did this to us.
20:39You're welcome.
20:40I have an idea.
20:41It's masochistic but do you want to go check out our old place?
20:44It's right here.
20:45Sure.
20:46No fucking way.
20:48Are you kidding me?
20:50What if the key still works?
20:53It's masochistic, but do you want to go check out our old place?
20:56It's right here.
20:57Sure.
20:59No fucking way.
21:01Are you kidding me?
21:05I wonder if the key still works.
21:07You think that's gone up a lot?
21:08Oh, definitely.
21:23Well, look who it is.
21:31Hi.
21:32I haven't seen you in, it says, well over a year.
21:36Yeah, we've been in New York.
21:38Yeah, you get around, no judgements.
21:39No, we moved to New York.
21:41We have offices in New York, it says you haven't been to any of them.
21:44We went somewhere else.
21:48So you cheated on me.
21:50Well...
21:52It's fine.
21:53What brings you in here today?
21:55Just a routine checkup.
21:56Just a routine checkup.
21:58Mm-hmm.
22:01Nothing specific in your history you might be worried about?
22:03We like to have these stats, they really help us.
22:06Well, we did have bareback sex with the drifter in Oklahoma, so...
22:11Great.
22:12I mean, not the activity's great, I hope it was great for you, I wasn't there, I don't know.
22:15But your partner told me that, and as I said to him, it's okay.
22:19I have been there.
22:20We have all done that.
22:21Chill out, breathe.
22:22Oh, my God.
22:23What else are you gonna do in Middle America?
22:25So you're on PrEP, it says.
22:26Yeah.
22:27And you take it every day.
22:28Yeah.
22:29Not just on the weekends, for fun, or double dosing, like your partner said.
22:34Making those jokes about PrEP at the STD clinic.
22:37Hilarious.
22:38We don't actually do that.
22:39Yeah, great.
22:40Um, are you experiencing rectal bleeding?
22:43No.
22:44Nope.
22:45Not this time, huh?
22:46Remember the last time with erectile bleeding?
22:49You know what?
22:51I'm gonna give you a gold star.
22:54If you care about your sexual health and the health of the many others, you'll probably
22:57have sex with soon.
22:58I just think these stickers don't stick.
23:00That's comparable.
23:01It's stuck.
23:02It's on.
23:03Very pretty.
23:04Okay, great.
23:05So tell me the truth.
23:06You're here because you need a doctor's note to attend a sex party this evening.
23:10No.
23:13You sure?
23:14You're not gonna go to any of this?
23:15Alrighty.
23:16Well, when I talk to your partner, he seemed very interested in the local sex party.
23:21Please take as many condoms as you'd like.
23:23Is that enough?
23:25I would take some more.
23:26That seems good.
23:27All we need is a roof out of one place, one place.
23:44We'll be fine now just like the old days, old days.
23:50Make sure to shake it up like we did.
23:55We did.
23:56That was a time and we'll have it like we wanted.