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  • 6/30/2025
EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

Drama, Romance, Comedy, Action, Fantasy, Crime, Thriller

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Transcript
00:00No, I don't think the world is going to end.
00:09No, I don't think the world is going to end.
00:30No, no date, sorry.
00:33But I'll go with someone together.
00:36Three months.
00:38He's a writer.
00:40I tried.
01:00Why, Tom? Why wouldn't I be thrilled?
01:01Because you have this bizarre notion that this story, like everything else, is about you.
01:05Maybe we change the character's name.
01:06It's fiction!
01:07In which the narrator meditates on how much he wants to cheat on his frigid shrew of a boyfriend for 15 pages!
01:13It is a story about the natural longings and desires that every person in Nifty.org, okay?
01:19The Paris Review.
01:21Jesus Christ, my mother is going to read this.
01:24How's your mother going to read this?
01:25She has a Google alert set up for you.
01:27Really?
01:30Let's just get this thing over with, okay?
01:33We're late, so Kathy's probably already getting dressed.
01:37Look, if you don't want to go out, we don't have to.
01:42Oh, we're going out.
01:47With a bang.
01:48Ooh, with a bang.
01:49Hey, babe.
01:59Hey, babe.
02:00No.
02:01Everybody always says I'm late to everything, and I'm not going to be late to the end of the world.
02:07It is always sex, sex, sex, sex with you.
02:09Full sex.
02:10All the time.
02:11Whatever you want.
02:12Sex all the time.
02:13Babe, of course it is.
02:14Let me in.
02:15It's been like six months.
02:16Am I even like your girlfriend?
02:20Are you my girlfriend?
02:21I mean, I thought you were my girlfriend.
02:24Fine.
02:25I'll be your girlfriend.
02:26Give me 50 minutes.
02:30Hey, Ian.
02:31Hey, guys.
02:34Where's Kathy?
02:35Getting dressed.
02:36Jesus Christ.
02:37Is she always late to everything?
02:39I mean, how does she even do that?
02:44What was that, Tom?
02:51You look great, babe.
02:52You're sure it's okay to come in the back with us?
02:53Yeah, I do.
02:54It's like everything's in the back.
02:55No!
02:56Oh, my God!
02:57Yeah!
02:58I fucking repent!
02:59I repent!
03:00Quincy, this is Ian.
03:01My boyfriend.
03:02Are you the temple guard?
03:03No, I'm not actually mine.
03:04I don't know if anybody's mine anymore.
03:05Something about colonization.
03:06I want you guys to know you are not going to be my girlfriend.
03:07You look great, babe.
03:08You look great, babe.
03:09You look great, babe.
03:13I appreciate that.
03:14Tom's an experience, Morgan.
03:15We're supposed to dress up.
03:16I love dressing up.
03:17No!
03:18This is about me.
03:19This is my moment.
03:20Me, me, me, me.
03:21Okay?
03:22Everyone gets a pocket Bible.
03:23One for you.
03:24And for you.
03:25For you.
03:26For you.
03:27And you're gonna love me.
03:29Do you understand that reference?
03:30Did you get that?
03:31So, here's the thing.
03:32I already took the liberty of highlighting a few things out of Revelations.
03:34These make great coasters.
03:35They're also good for door jams, kindling, and of course you can bludgeon a homosexual.
03:51Oh, yes.
03:52Okay.
03:53Very cute.
03:54Very cute hate crime.
03:55Now, go in there and rapture your ass off.
03:56Let's go.
03:57Let's go.
03:58Do you want a drink?
03:59Uh, whiskey, double, please.
04:00And a PBR.
04:01Go!
04:09You know the world isn't actually ending, right?
04:15My earrings are made of the Rent Musical Deluxe Edition.
04:20Oh, my God.
04:21Why are you guys so afraid of commitment?
04:22I'm not afraid of commitment.
04:24It's our six-month anniversary.
04:26Wait, but it's only...
04:27Oh, we'll be at midnight.
04:28Whatever.
04:29It's okay.
04:30I didn't get you anything either.
04:31I don't really care.
04:32Are we breaking up right now?
04:33No.
04:34Oh, I'm pretty sure that's a good one, too.
04:37What, was I not supposed to drink it?
04:51Oh, right.
04:52It was just for display.
04:53Can I just try to have a good plan for you?
04:55I have a good time for you.
04:57How about that guy?
04:58He looks like a good time.
04:59Go for it, sport.
05:01I don't want to go for it.
05:02Sure you do.
05:03I read all about it in the Paris Review.
05:05Published in the City of Love.
05:07Hey.
05:10Look at me.
05:11I want you.
05:16Look at that guy.
05:17He looks pretty slutty.
05:18He's wearing a cardigan.
05:19Yeah, a tight one.
05:22Where are you going?
05:25Let's get another drop.
05:55I don't give a fuck if you think I suck.
05:58Because I know I'm amazing.
06:02Ah, amazing.
06:04Ah, ah, amazing.
06:06Ah, ah, amazing.
06:09Ah, ah, amazing.
06:11Ah, ah, amazing.
06:13The The End
06:15Babe, of course I take your emotions seriously.
06:17Why would you?
06:19I'm not the kind of girl that guy's in that way.
06:21I'm not that girl.
06:22Wait, what are we talking about?
06:24Hey.
06:25Don't you know that I never...
06:27I never had a realversary before?
06:29Not like a realversary.
06:31I mean, like, yes, I have dated everybody,
06:33but I've never really dated anybody
06:35except for a couple of guys in college,
06:37unless this girl...
06:38You dated a girl?
06:39But none of it really counted, you know?
06:41Because I never got any bursary presents.
06:44I have to go to the bathroom.
06:54Excuse me, but you have rings.
06:56You can get them on Etsy.
06:58I make them. I make them.
07:00She makes rings.
07:01How much for the shiny one?
07:21You're gonna be sick.
07:23What, do you want to go home?
07:24Just leave me home.
07:26Cal!
07:28Attention, ladies and ladyboys!
07:31Everybody gather around!
07:32This is the Mayan Reckoning!
07:34It's come upon us!
07:36Ten!
07:37Can you all do that with me?
07:39Ten!
07:40Nine!
07:41Eight!
07:42Seven!
07:43Six!
07:44Five!
07:45I don't want to die!
07:46Three!
07:47Three!
07:48Two!
07:49One!
07:50Everybody's dead!
07:51Everybody's dead!
07:52Everybody's dead!
07:54Thank God!
07:55Oh my God!
07:56Oh my God!
07:57Oh my God!
07:58Yes!
07:59Yes!
08:00Yeah!
08:01I'm sorry.
08:02I'm really drunk.
08:03Yeah.
08:04Holy.
08:06Let's get you home.
08:07You know what?
08:08You should stay.
08:09You can have a good time.
08:10It's fine.
08:11No, I can't.
08:12Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm really drunk.
08:16Yeah, it won't.
08:18Let's get you home.
08:21You know what? You should stay. You can have a good time. It's fine.
08:25No, I can't.
08:27No, not you.
08:28Don't fucking touch me, cow!
08:30Come on.
08:33I didn't know you were gonna come to this.
08:37Yeah, I am.
08:39Don't you usually work on Fridays?
08:41Yeah, no. No, he doesn't.
08:44Hey, I'm Jeremy.
08:50Cow.
08:51Uh, how do you know Tom?
08:57We used to be roommates.
09:00Excuse me.
09:02Cow!
09:05I'm sorry.
09:07My friend.
09:09He's probably drunk.
09:10He's not good enough.
09:11Look at all.
09:16Cow!
09:17How?
09:33Cow!
09:34Cal!
10:04Time...
10:08Time...
10:12Time...
10:18It'll take time...
10:23Time...