[S1.Ep4] Eastsiders

Gaymer Series

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Transcript

00:00I don't know, it's like 4 a.m.

00:30This ain't fine.

00:32Fuck me.

00:33I'm trying.

00:35I'm supposed to be at the gallery.

00:37That was to open today.

00:39It's a lot of responsibility if I'm not there.

00:42What?

00:43Nobody will be there.

00:44Nobody is ever there.

00:46We sell everything online.

00:48It's been like a week.

00:50Yeah, well, today might be the day.

00:54Who knows?

00:55Door busters.

00:56People die.

00:57People can trample.

00:58I've seen YouTube videos.

01:00We'll see you at lunch.

01:02Lunch.

01:04Yeah, Tom.

01:06Lunch.

01:08My mom's coming into town and we're getting lunch.

01:10But I got scheduled for work.

01:12You give it up.

01:13Nice try.

01:14But you give it up.

01:15You call somebody right now and you give up your shift.

01:17I know.

01:18Give it up.

01:19Yeah, you will.

01:21Nope.

01:22Nope.

01:23Sorry.

01:24What are you doing?

01:25No.

01:26Just a minute.

01:27Yeah.

01:28Yeah.

01:29Oh, I gotta go.

01:30Seriously.

01:31I'll do nothing.

01:32Yeah, we're gonna do nothing to like it.

01:33Okay.

01:34No.

01:35No.

01:36No.

01:37No.

01:38No.

01:39No.

01:40No.

01:41No.

01:42The end.

01:43No.

01:44No.

01:45No.

01:47No.

01:48No.

01:49No.

01:50No.

01:51No.

01:52Hey, um, I was wondering if you could take my...

01:55Yeah, I know it's lunch, it's just you're my favorite.

02:01Alright, fine.

02:0320 bucks.

02:19Do we have any ice cream?

02:22No, I'm sorry.

02:23What about pizza rolls? Do we have pizza rolls?

02:26No, sorry.

02:28I think we have some kale.

02:30I always date hipsters.

02:32We're all the same to you, huh?

02:36Hey, no, this is likely my longest relationship, you know.

02:40It is?

02:41It's shocking, right?

02:43Well...

02:43Okay, come on.

02:45You know it's shocking.

02:47It's my shortest, actually.

02:48Really?

02:49Yeah.

02:50Two with Sarah.

02:52Mm-hmm.

02:53High school.

02:54Three with Tian Ming.

02:56Two with Dawn.

02:57I mean, I don't really date people, so, you know.

03:00You could date another Asian girl?

03:01Oh, yeah.

03:03Is she Chinese?

03:04I don't know.

03:05Dawn and Sarah are both Korean.

03:06I could date you for two years, maybe.

03:12Yeah, I could do it.

03:13Maybe even three.

03:14I think I could do it.

03:17Well, that's the limit, apparently.

03:18Maybe even more.

03:19I don't know.

03:20I think I'd like that, kitty.

03:25Babe, what's the matter?

03:32Are you crying?

03:33No.

03:34Yes.

03:35Maybe.

03:36I just have a lot of emotions, okay?

03:38Don't pay any attention to me.

03:40Are you upset with me?

03:42No.

03:43I think we have to go to the bathroom.

03:45I don't know.

03:49Everything okay, babe?

04:06Oh, yeah.

04:09I'm just, uh, really happy.

04:22Where is he?

04:23He's on his way.

04:24He's just texting.

04:25He texted you?

04:26The two of you text?

04:26Well, we're not telepathic, so, yes, we text.

04:29Well, your father and I, we never had to text.

04:31That's because texting hadn't been invented yet.

04:33I beg your pardon.

04:34Texting was around for a few years before the divorce.

04:36Thank you very much.

04:37You know, I've always been very tech-savvy.

04:39I tweet.

04:40I have an iPad.

04:43And, Calvin, really, how are things between the two of you

04:46since Tom published his little expose?

04:48Okay, it wasn't an expose.

04:49An expose is a form of investigative journalism.

04:52Well, he was certainly investigating something, wasn't he?

04:56There he is.

04:58Hi.

04:59Let me look at you.

05:01That sweater is a brave choice.

05:04You need a haircut.

05:06I know.

05:07And you need a drink.

05:08I do.

05:09Another, darling?

05:10Oh, I'm okay, thanks.

05:12That's settled.

05:12Cynthia, three gin martinis.

05:14Extra dirty?

05:16Extra gin.

05:19Cynthia?

05:21Cynthia?

05:22I love gin.

05:25Cynthia?

05:26I love California.

05:30Just the weather, the culture, the gay rights.

05:33Well, technically, gay rights aren't the best.

05:36Almost gay rights.

05:38Cal, I have an amazing idea.

05:40Why don't we all take a trip next month up to Maine?

05:42I mean, it's beautiful in the summertime, and you and Tom can get married.

05:46Wait, what?

05:48Spooked you.

05:48But seriously, though, I mean, I'm not surprised that the two of you are opening up your relationship.

05:55Or what?

05:56Please, I read your little expose in France magazine.

05:59Well, I think it's perfectly natural that a man, certainly two men, would want to do something a little different before settling down.

06:07Your father and I...

06:09It's all bad having sex.

06:10I don't want to hear about dad having sex.

06:11Well, I have sex, too.

06:13I'm a woman, and I have sex.

06:15Yes, we are very well aware.

06:17Damn good sex.

06:19Okay, for the record, I just want you to know that that story was fiction, so we're not opening up our relationship.

06:26Well, you're not cheating on each other, right?

06:28I cheated on your father, and it was the worst thing that I mean...

06:32Mom, stop saying things, please.

06:34Hey, just because you're gay doesn't mean every woman in America is going to stop having sex, okay?

06:37Wait, you're not saying that you're breaking up, right?

06:42Oh, no, Val.

06:43Val, I promise you're not breaking up.

06:46You know, because that would actually crush me.

06:49It would just destroy me.

06:50Mom, just stop.

06:51I love you, Tom.

06:52Stop, please.

06:53Stop, Mom, please.

06:54I can't believe I have to drive back to Phoenix tonight.

06:57You're driving back to Phoenix tomorrow.

06:59I am?

07:02Well, that's good news.

07:05Cynthia!

07:07No, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry.

07:13Yes, he's kidding.

07:14Yes, he's kidding.

07:37Gallery.

07:50You didn't answer your phone, asshole.

07:54I'm working, assholes.

07:55Who am I?

07:57I just got your mom on the stairs.

07:58He's probably raiding the minibar.

08:01My boss is staring at me.

08:02I bet he is.

08:04I bet he's, like, undressing you with his eyes.

08:06Come on.

08:08I bet his eyes are, like, kissing their way down your neck, chest, six-pack.

08:14I don't have a six-pack.

08:15All of you have, you are a cock.

08:18Okay, after this morning, I sincerely don't ever be in the mood for that ever again.

08:21Thank you very much.

08:22Yeah, our, uh, hours are 9 a.m.

08:245 p.m. Monday to Friday.

08:265 p.m.?

08:275 p.m. and you come straight home, you nasty.

08:30Thank you very much for your call, sir.

08:32We look forward to your visit.

08:39Cal?

08:40What are you doing here?

08:52Um, looking at the art.

08:54Why?

08:55This is an art gallery.

08:57Okay, this isn't a museum.

08:59This is a place of business.

09:00This is my place of employment, actually.

09:03Hmm.

09:05Okay, well, I don't even know your last name.

09:07Um, so excuse me if I didn't know that you worked here.

09:11I just like art.

09:13Well, thank you for supporting the arts.

09:18You should probably be leaving.

09:20Huh?

09:20Well, what if I want to buy a painting?

09:24Okay, well, too bad.

09:25This is a photograph.

09:26Hmm.

09:27So.

09:28Well, this one's interesting.

09:32So buy it.

09:34It's 800.

09:35Well, it's kind of awful, but I like it.

09:40Thanks.

09:42Thank you very much.

09:48Is that Tom?

09:50Did you take all of these?

09:58No, no.

09:58Just this one.

10:00Oh.

10:00That's kind of the pity spot reserved for the front desk guy.

10:05You know how to pick him?

10:07Apparently.

10:09Well, I do like it.

10:12I do.

10:14Well.

10:15You should probably be leaving.

10:17I should probably be leaving.

10:18Yeah, probably.

10:19Yeah.

10:19You know, I...

10:20I haven't heard anything, um, from Tom.

10:25Uh, you know.

10:26So, well?

10:28I thought you'd like to know.

10:32Between his cell phone, email records, and his work schedule, I think I've got my bases pretty covered.

10:37You know, short of getting a microchip to the vet.

10:42I'm not crazy.

10:44I'm not.

10:47I just don't see why we can't be friends.

10:50Really?

10:51I'm sorry.

10:52You're fucking crazy.

10:55Oh.

10:56Yeah.

10:57You're fucking crazy.

10:58I'm sorry.

11:06You really hate me.

11:08Yeah.

11:09No.

11:14No.

11:20We should probably be leaving.

11:28Ex-boyfriend.

11:34Sorry.

11:35Rough breakup?

11:37Oh.

11:37Kinda.

11:39Recent?

11:40Sort of recent.

11:41Is he crazy?

11:42No, he might be crazy.

11:44Harassing you at work?

11:45Come on.

11:46He's desperate.

11:48He should be your fucking catch.

11:51Thanks, boss.

11:54I mean it.

11:56Kiddo.

11:58Go back to, um, I don't know, whatever it is you do around here.

12:14Hi.

12:15Hi.

12:16Thanks for taking Mom back to the hotel.

12:17Oh, no problem.

12:19My pleasure.

12:21She made me do a shop at the minibar.

12:23And then she made me promise to cut my hair.

12:25That's Mom.

12:27How was work?

12:27Well, not eventful.

12:32I'm gonna be your man.

12:39Take your clothes off, Lord.

12:41I'm gonna take my hand by the hand.

12:47Gonna lay it down.

12:52I'm gonna be your man.

12:54I'll do all that I can.

13:06I'll do all that I can.

13:11Oh, I'll do all that I can.

13:18Oh, love is so hard.

13:22Even after the dark.

13:27I'll be all that I can.

13:30I'm gonna be your man.

13:32I'm gonna be your man.

13:35I'm gonna be your man.

13:37And I don't care that they say you're gonna run away.

13:57If there's still a crowd around you at the end of the day, baby.

14:01Yeah.

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