- 6/1/2025
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00:00It's a mad, mad world
00:07I guess who's gonna save it all
00:10It's a dirty job
00:13But someone's gotta do it
00:16Yeah, we can do it
00:19The fate of the free world
00:24With the heroes of the land
00:30Super Team Canada
00:31Previously on Super Team Canada
00:42And what are our heroes doing now?
00:52Pretty much nothing
00:54Okay, team meeting, gather up
01:04Team meeting, I called it
01:06Tygo's the runner
01:06Really?
01:07What's your meeting about?
01:08I just wanna go on record
01:10To being strongly against
01:12Whatever Niagara says next
01:14Now please
01:15Very mature
01:16I disagree, strongly
01:17I called this meeting, first
01:19Well, second is the first loser
01:22To talk about that
01:24Uh-oh
01:25Mom is about to yell at us again
01:27It's very important
01:29We all do what the tour wheel tells us to do
01:31Isn't that how cults start?
01:33I was going to vacuum
01:34But Poutine was getting romantic with it
01:36If you think I had sex with it
01:41I didn't
01:42We made love
01:43And now you can clean it
01:45Then boil it in bleach
01:46Then throw it out
01:47I don't take orders from you
01:49Or your fascist wheel
01:50I'm a star
01:51Why would any magazine care about just you?
01:55And not us?
01:56Also, why are there still magazines?
01:58I have my publicist to thank, of course
02:00I'll never thank them
02:01It shows weakness
02:02You hired yourself a publicist?
02:04Jerk move
02:05You're totally on brand
02:06I know
02:07I have a brand now
02:08See?
02:09But we're a team
02:10And there's no I in team
02:11Sorry, Sask
02:12Teams have stars
02:16If we're the 1970 Montréal Alouette
02:18I'm Pierre Desjardins
02:20Well, that reference is insane
02:22RC, can you explain it?
02:24Can, but prefer not to
02:25I'm the straw that stirs the drink
02:28That's why I got a Canadian Screen Academy
02:31Screenie
02:32How did you win a Screenie?
02:33I said I got one
02:34I didn't say I won one
02:36You don't want me?
02:37D'accord
02:38You don't got me
02:39I leave
02:40Oh, I'll miss the vacuum
02:44Whoa, does something feel different to you guys?
02:49Maybe the length of movies today?
02:51Oh, hello?
02:53Are you guys floating or is that just me?
02:55And everywhere
02:56Yeah, here too
02:57Any idea why?
02:59Idea? No
03:00Answer? Yes
03:02I'll email RCMPC the video we just got
03:05Uh, well, uh
03:08Hello, world
03:09You may notice I'm not looking at you
03:11And why?
03:13Because, like 6% of humans
03:15And a surprising number of giraffes
03:17I suffer from shyness
03:19So, I've taken control of gravity
03:22That's why you're all up in the air
03:25While I, in my special little jacket
03:27Boy size 4
03:28Stay on the ground
03:29Free from mankind's biggest plague
03:32Eye contact
03:33Now I never need to face anyone ever again
03:36See ya
03:39Oh, no
03:40I won't
03:40I need to stop him
03:45This is happening all over the world
03:47What do you say, super team?
03:53Can you take on a shy little jerk?
03:54Why not?
03:55We just took on a big pompous one
03:57Ah, it's a new day
04:00Finally I can go outside
04:02And even walk my dog
04:04Great to be free, right buddy?
04:07Stop what you are doing
04:08And start picking down after your dog
04:11Ah, why are you talking to me?
04:13I don't want to be an earshot or eyeshot
04:16Less gravity
04:17Please, put the gravity back to normal
04:19Or we'll be forced to use the well force
04:22You mean you're normal?
04:24I want normal to be a world in which I'm comfortable
04:27And the greatest baller on earth
04:29Come on, Powell
04:31Listen up, you obvious genius
04:33People hate this
04:34Their ice cream won't stay in their cones
04:36Not to mention to pay owners
04:38And it's bad for the economy
04:40I mean, I don't have numbers
04:41But it's gotta be
04:42Well, it's good for me
04:43I can go clubbing
04:45And go to restaurants
04:46And I'm even gonna get awesome at axe throwing
04:48A new trend that will be around forever
04:50We threatened violence
04:54But now comes the best part
04:56Doing it
04:57Gravity
05:00Gravity
05:03Gravity, gravity
05:06You're paying
05:09And for the tow
05:10RCMPC
05:11Hack into Ken's dial
05:13Want to connect with high school classmates?
05:20Life insurance after 50?
05:22Single hand models in your area want to meet you
05:25Yes, yes
05:26And I'm listening
05:27What's happening?
05:28Did you use her to download illegal things?
05:31The new cryptocurrency Bolivia can't get enough of
05:33You've been brushing your teeth all wrong
05:36I wouldn't have to use her if you didn't put a parental lock on my laptop
05:40I only did that after you ignored our no screens at dinner rule
05:43That's your rule
05:44My rule is that all your rules are stupid
05:46Guys, first, great arguing
05:49Love the passion
05:49Second, the bad guy laughed
05:51There's only one thing we can do
05:56The worst thing ever
05:58Son?
06:03Are you just going to float all day?
06:05Maybe you want to go out somewhere
06:07And then not come back?
06:10I'm watching myself
06:12So maybe you can keep it down?
06:13Damn
06:15Good one
06:16Team?
06:17More like I'm the star golfer with five caddies
06:20I'm a national treasure in Canada, the EU, whatever Macedonia is
06:27That's probably for you
06:30Why don't you go see?
06:31And we can catch up later
06:33Maybe at our funerals
06:35Parents
06:36So you want me back?
06:39I guess it's like the billboards, bus benches, and stripper tramp stamp ads I paid for say
06:44I am amazing
06:46No, you're part of a team
06:48And right now, we need your part
06:50Not the first time you needed my part
06:53I hate him, but that was hilarious
06:56Teammates help each other
06:58Ernie helps Bert
06:59Brooks helps Dunn
07:00You guys could help me with other examples
07:04Gravity needs us
07:06Plains can't land
07:07Frisbee golf is impossible
07:09And bartenders can't make layered drinks
07:11So will you come back?
07:12I'd consider it
07:14If I know, I won't be treated like a child anymore
07:19Jerk has a point
07:20You made a chore wheel
07:21You censored me
07:22And you won't even let Sask hang out with his best friend
07:26Winterpeg's a bad influence
07:28He burned down his latest rehab
07:30If you ask me
07:31Yantels hate this trick to give you teeth of a baby
07:34You won't believe what the cast of Hammy Hamster looks like now
07:38Oh, my jaw dropped when the baby duck threw
07:41Okay, I'll try to be less controlling, alright?
07:46But I would like to see how the hamster looks
07:48I bet older
07:49Au revoir
07:50I'll see you soon
07:51I'll see you soon
07:52You'll have to find us first, Monty
07:54Darn
07:57Okay, the Poutine goo can help our feet stick to the ground
07:59But we also need help from Poutine, the you
08:02I like how I heard my name twice
08:04Hiyaa
08:06Oh, ha, ha, ha
08:07Hey
08:08Pribilet
08:10Pribilet
08:11Pribilet
08:12So sources
08:13Pribilet
08:14Pribilet
08:15Pribilet
08:16Pribilet
08:17Pribilet
08:18My first live football game.
08:23I imagine these to be more exciting.
08:26Still, I made it on the scoreboard.
08:28And...
08:29Look at that land.
08:32There's no normal wait there.
08:34I hope you weren't waiting long.
08:36And that's waiting spelled W-E-I-G-H-T for everyone not using subtitle.
08:42Whatever.
08:43We're here.
08:44And you can tell gravity to suck it.
08:46That's not how gravity works.
08:48You can't tell it things.
08:49But I can lessen it even more.
08:53Oh, well.
08:54We had a good run.
08:55Oops.
08:56Still here.
08:57And now we're coming to kick your tiny ass.
09:04Give us five or ten minutes.
09:07You know I can't just lessen gravity, right?
09:10I can also increase it.
09:13You're being crushed by gravity.
09:28Your plan doesn't seem so smart now, does it?
09:29To be honest, no.
09:32What do we do?
09:33I don't want to die with a double chin.
09:36This is my fault for thinking poutine could actually be useful.
09:39Wait, that's it.
09:40We thought poutine was the problem.
09:42But fans thought a lot of poutine might be the answer.
09:45What if the same is true for gravity?
09:47Hey, Junior, is that as far as the dial goes?
09:53No, not even close.
09:55Or perhaps your little doll ends can't turn it anymore.
09:59I'll teach you to draw attention to me.
10:01Oh, I just got a glimpse of you.
10:06You're not shy.
10:07Just ugly.
10:08I'm a halifax seven.
10:10That's a nine in yellow night.
10:14Stop looking at me, team!
10:24Oh, we did it as a team.
10:30Group hug!
10:36Stop looking at me!
10:38We're cellmates.
10:39Let's chit chat.
10:41Stop touching my little hands.
10:43Do you collect stamps?
10:45I don't.
10:55Today, we learn the origin of one of the characters.
10:58So sit back, relax, and then sit forward, excited, because our story begins now.
11:06Oh.
11:07Something wrong?
11:08I don't want to talk about it.
11:09Yes!
11:10That's what I was hoping for.
11:11It's just that my high school reunion's tonight.
11:14But I'm not going, because I was a nerd and made fun of, and it still hurts so much.
11:19And how would that have gone if you did want to talk about it?
11:22Also, I had a huge crush on Byron, the lead in the school play.
11:26He was the reason I auditioned for the Norman James Breakey story.
11:29You were in the school play?
11:31I'm sure that stopped people from calling you a nerd.
11:34Let me guess.
11:35You hate theater.
11:36Ever since I saw it as a kid, it's for loser.
11:39Me, I'm more of a jock.
11:40Or as we say, a jock.
11:43Incidentally, Norman James Breakey invented the paint roller.
11:47He was Canada's Steve Jobs.
11:49It may have been the most powerful paint accessory musical ever staged.
11:53I had one line.
11:54It's a job I cannot handle.
11:56Hearing handle, Breakey gets the idea.
11:59But opening night, Byron was singing.
12:02That brush is slow, like burning candle.
12:07And still, it's a job I cannot do.
12:11You're a loser.
12:14Handle.
12:15The word is handle.
12:17I left a promising career in children's shoe sales.
12:20For this?
12:21That killed my hopes with Byron and started Mr. Reg while hating me.
12:30He started a campaign to vote me student most likely to botch your line and wreck the school play.
12:36Oh, and you won!
12:38Congrats!
12:39It says your name is Joan Shoup?
12:41That is my name.
12:42I didn't become Niagara Falls until graduation.
12:46That night, while everyone was celebrating, I was cleaning up the riverbank.
12:49And then, a lightning hit.
12:51The combination of lightning, puddle water, and soul-crushing depression turned my skin blue and made me who I am today.
13:02I decided then to never be weak.
13:05Never beg for attention.
13:06Nothing could or would ever stop me.
13:12It's also when I decided to dye my hair blue with non-flammable dye.
13:16So no one from your high school knows you became Niagara Falls?
13:20No, and they never will, because I'm not going to the reunion.
13:24But you can rub everyone's face in it!
13:26Oh, I love rubbing my face in things.
13:29Don't you want to go see Byron?
13:31Or some of your old friends?
13:32My only friends were Heather and Sophia.
13:35We'd share lunch and sometimes have sleepovers.
13:37Well, that's nice.
13:38Have you three kept in touch?
13:40Heather's a rabbit, Sophia's a snake.
13:42Class pets.
13:42Wow, you were a nerd.
13:44I think you should attend.
13:45You only go through high school once.
13:47Ah, the best seven years of my life.
13:49I also say go.
13:51We'll come for support.
13:52You can brag about being spared and also your relationship with Captain Crotch.
14:00You've all given me something to think about and something to never think about.
14:03She doesn't mean that.
14:05She's just angry.
14:06I've made a decision.
14:09I've covered my blue skin and now I'm going to that reunion as Joan Shoup.
14:14Nerd alert!
14:15Nerd alert!
14:16I want people to accept me for me, not for my superpowers.
14:20And now to take care of my hair.
14:28I'm happy I could help.
14:30But maybe next time, ask for consent.
14:32So, what do I do now?
14:39Oh, Mingle!
14:40If you need a conversation starter, try one of these commonly asked questions on the internet.
14:45What's your mother maiden name?
14:46In what city were you born?
14:48What high school did you attend?
14:50Yeah, what high school did you go to?
14:54Anyway, we're out of here.
14:55Can't be seen with a nerd, you know?
14:57We'll DJ from here!
15:01Notre Nesma, Notre Nesma, still Notre Nesma!
15:05Janitor McGee!
15:10What?
15:11What?
15:11Did somebody puke?
15:12It's me, Joan Shoup.
15:13Oh, right, right, I remember you.
15:17I lent you 40 bucks?
15:18Right, right, don't remember that.
15:20You said it was for some inexpensive surgery, then bought weed with it.
15:24Oh, hey, I wouldn't mind scoring some more surgery right now if you can lend me some cash.
15:31It's not about the money, it's about paying back the...
15:34Oh, my God.
15:36Byron, still hot.
15:38Is that the coolest toupee you've ever seen or what?
15:40What does he do now?
15:41Something impressive, I bet.
15:42Uh, he's a sculptor of abstract garbage.
15:46When people see his work and say, huh, he knows he's connected.
15:50He even donated a piece to the school tonight.
15:52You mean that thing in the hallway?
15:55What even is that?
15:56Wow, he's right, we've connected.
15:59I'm gonna go say hi to him.
16:00Wish me luck.
16:01Uh, hey, have you seen a drawstring bag with eight fish stickers on it?
16:05Do my eyes deceive me?
16:12Look, everyone, it's Joan Shoup.
16:15The loser that couldn't remember her line in the musical.
16:21Bringing up age-old embarrassments is what reunions are all about.
16:27Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser!
16:32Loser! Loser! Loser!
16:34Oh, God, this is hard to watch.
16:36Speak for yourself.
16:37This is the only reason I'm here.
16:38Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser!
16:41He doesn't want to be known as Niagara,
16:43but that's the only way out of this nerd spiral.
16:45Let's not give it any other choice, damn it!
16:49Oh, I know I don't normally curse,
16:52but I think someone spiked the punch.
16:56Found it!
17:01Congrats, you won the raffle.
17:04Woo-hoo!
17:05Roger. Step one, done.
17:07Light it up.
17:08Step two, by wrist radio.
17:11One, two, three!
17:12That's the signal and non-whistle!
17:17Light it up!
17:17I say loser.
17:25You say shoot.
17:26Loser.
17:27Shoo!
17:28Loser.
17:29Shoo!
17:30Loser.
17:30Shoo!
17:31Attention, tormentor!
17:33There's a disaster that's even worse than Jones' hairstyle.
17:36A fire!
17:38The fire extinguisher's gone.
17:40If I were you guys, I'd totally scream and freak out.
17:42Hold on, I'm sure someone here has special skills,
17:47maybe even the superpowers to put it out
17:50and impress everyone chanting at her.
17:53And I'm sure we can just call the fire department.
17:56Wait!
17:57My gas-soaked scoffer can explode!
18:00What?
18:00Gas-soaked?
18:01Why would it be soaked in gas?
18:03Confusion is my muse!
18:05Oh, I can't die as a high school teacher.
18:12I just want to slip things onto children's feet.
18:16Is that so wrong?
18:17Yeah!
18:19Hey, I know you set the fire to make me put it out,
18:21but I won't.
18:22These people didn't accept me then or now,
18:24so let the fire department save them.
18:27That smoke smells like my old babysitter's car.
18:30It's pot, and now everyone is too stoned
18:33to dial the fire department.
18:35Oh, dude.
18:36Still not my problem.
18:38The fire found all my hidden bags of weed in the classrooms.
18:42Oh, no.
18:44Don't worry, guys.
18:45I'm here to save you.
18:46And I guess save everyone else.
18:48Can I save everyone?
18:51You guys always love giving me the silent treatment.
18:53Jerks.
18:56Everyone, listen up.
18:57I have something to say.
18:59Really?
19:00Well, I hope you don't forget your knife.
19:05I think that spiked.
19:07Told you.
19:08The punch.
19:09How did you do that?
19:10Because I'm not Joan Shoup anymore.
19:13I'm Niagara Falls.
19:16May I?
19:16Whatever.
19:18I'm higher than God's need.
19:22Oh!
19:22Oh!
19:23Oh!
19:23Oh!
19:23Niagara Falls!
19:38I want to marry you!
19:39Really?
19:40Actually, no.
19:41I'm already married, and my wife supports me.
19:43Sculpting blobs isn't as lucrative as you may think.
19:46Anyway, I am sorry I was mean to you.
19:49We all are.
19:50Stop.
19:50Save the apology.
19:51You hated me as Joan Shoup.
19:53And only like me now because I saved your lives.
19:55There's only two friends from high school that matter to me, because we always look out
19:59for each other.
20:02Ah.
20:02Well, three is always a tough number for friends anyway.
20:05Hey, now this trash actually looks like something.
20:10Which means it's ruined.
20:11Ruined!
20:12I also owe you an apology if you can handle one more flashback.
20:22I can explain why when I see an actor blow their line, it triggers me.
20:28You see, in my twenties, I was a star in the Canadian theatre scene.
20:33Like a sane William Shatner mixed with a more feminine Margot Kidder.
20:37To be or not to be.
20:41That is what I, I, I'm wondering.
20:43Je veux de merde!
20:45Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
20:46Eh, lose!
20:47Ow!
20:48Oh, dear!
20:49Oh, nice.
20:50Tiny, yet fashionable.
20:53And that is the genesis of one Mr. Edgewell.
20:58A failed teacher.
20:59A aspiring children's shoe salesman.
21:01And most importantly, a character we will never meet again.
21:05The end.
21:06The end.
21:36Transcription by CastingWords
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