I'm 58, but everyone thinks I'm 28, and if you don't do exactly what I do, you'll turn into an old raisin hag. #shorts #skincare #skinfluencer #skincareroutine #skincaretips #skincareproducts #parody #youtubeshorts
00:00I'm 58, but everyone thinks I'm 28, and if you don't do exactly what I do, you'll turn into an old raisin cat.
00:05Let's get into it.
00:07I use a hydrating serum that contains hyaluronic acid before ingesting my daily moisturizer with SPF.
00:12Beauty begins from within, so you have to eat the sunscreen.
00:14Then, I melt an autumn wreath Yankee Candle and pour the hot wax in my face.
00:18It must be autumn wreath, not just autumn.
00:21After that, I spend 30 minutes in my humidity coffin before attaching the medieval leeches to my cheeks.
00:26While they're settling in and sucking the elderly jeans from my body, I use a pestle and mortar to crush the rare oyster shelves from a beach in the Maldives into a fine, white powder.
00:38After sorting two lines of that, I remove my leeches and step into a bath of manuka honey, where I am greeted by my hand servant, Yan, with the chalice.
00:45The chalice is, of course, filled with the blood of six virgins.
00:49We must drink the blood of the young to sustain ourselves.
00:53Come, drink with me.
00:55The blood covenant will bind us, and we will stay young forever.
