Super Team Canada Season 1 Episode 4- Patch Me If You Can
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00:00It's a mad, mad world
00:07I guess who's gonna save it all
00:10It's a dirty job
00:13But someone's gotta do it
00:15Yeah, we can do it
00:19The fate of the free world
00:24We're the heroes of the land
00:29Once upon a time on a planet I like to call Earth
00:42There was a group of heroes who called themselves Super Team Canada
00:46They weren't that super
00:47Anyway, one day they were lounging about
00:49Watching their favorite television show
00:51And on Glacier or Iceberg, College Week
00:55Okay, Carol, for the $20 and the hand-cranked toaster
01:00Is this a Glacier or an Iceberg?
01:02I say Glacier, and I'd bet money on it
01:05If I hadn't lost everything betting on stupid gender reveals
01:08It's an Iceberg
01:09Like me, their biggest parts are often not visible
01:12I see you've chosen Glacier
01:15Well, Carol, congrats
01:17On being so wrong
01:18It's an Iceberg
01:20Hey, hey, hey
01:23Putin was right
01:24He's so smart
01:26Check it out
01:27The show finally got interesting
01:28Yes, I lifted the Iceberg right out of the ocean
01:33And moved it to a football stadium
01:34Why?
01:35Well, let's let the me on TV explain
01:38At first I wanted a summer splendor theme
01:50But then I remembered it was the Glerk wedding
01:52So I pivoted to magic memory
01:55Are you a wedding planner?
01:56I prefer matrimony consultant
01:58That edge is rough
02:00Your dust
02:01My client's very well off
02:05Wanted a unique destination wedding
02:07So voila
02:08But this place needs some decorations
02:11We have a very exclusive guest list
02:17And you're not on it, so
02:19Cracked?
02:21Did we know it was cracked?
02:22And if someone did, why didn't I?
02:28Everything was coming along beautifully
02:31The city of Hamilton was excited
02:32No one had ever wanted a destination wedding there before
02:35Caterers, you know we're only using the horns for the past apps
02:40Throw the rest away
02:41Stop the wedding!
02:46And if we're not too late, the rehearsal dinner!
02:49Is that a gift?
02:50Didn't want to be rude
02:51I hate surprises
02:53You know what's not a surprise?
02:55You being dust
02:56On earth we're not fans of theft, violence, or trespassing
03:01I'd even go so far as to say we frown on it
03:04Oh, you misunderstand
03:05I'm not here to hurt anyone
03:07I'm here for love
03:09You see, the heart is my canvas
03:11And romance, my paintbrush
03:12Catchy slogan
03:13Now pack it all up
03:14And don't let the atmosphere hit you in the butt on the way out
03:17But everything's planned
03:18Wedding, reception, toss the bouquet, then blow up your planet
03:22Can't call something a once-in-a-lifetime event if some other couple can get married here, can we?
03:29We can't
03:30In that case, we'll be checking the regret box
03:33Oh, I see that you're bad
03:34But first, I think it might help if you got to know the couple
03:37Zalax's terrible eyesight and rotten breath attracted bullies and repulsed the opposite sex
03:44He resigned himself to never finding love
03:47Zalax's astigmatism made Zalax's concave face beautiful again
04:02And Zalax's smashed-in nose made his foul breath smell like roses
04:07They were literally the only ones in the universe for each other
04:10That movie sucked
04:12Agree, it was cliche, clawing, and poorly lit
04:15Two and a half stars
04:16I was bored into a screensaver
04:18You guys chill
04:20I got miscances
04:21You love weapons?
04:24Well, I believe love is the alternate weapon
04:27I took out my romance rock
04:29The rock sends a beam of romance that enters any heart
04:33Maybe I can be helpful with the ice sculpture
04:37I think that's kind of my thing
04:39You hypnotized her
04:41And even worse, you made her pursue the arts
04:45I used to like love
04:50Now I love it
04:51Attack software, download it!
04:53I realize now love is the ultimate language
04:57Not javascript
04:58Didn't work, crystals or crap
05:03Ha! Rock's trying to be glass
05:05I mean, pick a lane, right?
05:06Hmm, this only doesn't work if your hearts are closed to love
05:09And also in a cardiac event kind of way
05:11I presume you eat a lot of cheese?
05:13Would I be as constipated as I am if I didn't?
05:17You always know just what a lady wants to hear
05:20Anyway, spray right with you!
05:22My romance rock had no effect on these two
05:25But I came up with a new strategy
05:27Stop! I'll leave!
05:30It takes a few hours for the beam's effects to wear off
05:33So while we wait, how about dinner?
05:35I would like to eat out of a rhino horn
05:37I'm a bit of a foodie
05:39We also have vegetarian options
05:41A nice salad served in a kangaroo pouch
05:43Does that hurt the kangaroo?
05:45It can if you wanted to
05:47Oh, this is fine, but I don't do fine
05:52I do dramatic
05:54Cue volcano
05:56I also imported this from Nova Scotia for ambiance
06:01They won't miss it
06:04I mean, what would Nova Scotia even do with ambiance?
06:07That's forte
06:08I wanted mezzo-forte
06:10You missed some
06:13Now, before we get into the boring stuff about saving your planet
06:18I heard you two used to date
06:20True
06:20We dated once
06:22For barely two minutes
06:23And yet she still remembers
06:25You see, gravy leaves
06:27Quite a stain
06:27Well, excuse me for a moment
06:31Apparently when I said winter mist
06:33Someone heard French vanilla
06:35And now that someone is going home in a Ziploc bag
06:38I'm sure that lava's destroying homes
06:41But it is kind of nice
06:43Yes
06:44Inside every destructive force is something very beautiful
06:47Are you hitting on me?
06:49It's a compliment
06:50And the truth
06:51Well, then
06:52Thank you
06:53I hate you, but now I hate you a little less
06:55That's sweet
06:57You're sweet
06:58They fell for it
07:01A romantic lavalet dinner opened their hearts just enough for my romance rock to do its thing
07:07I had done it again
07:09They were in love
07:10What's happening?
07:15She tricked us
07:16This romantic set-up crap opened our hearts just enough for the ray to sneak in
07:19You're so smart to figure this out
07:22It's one of the reasons I like you so much
07:25Hey
07:25Don't be nice
07:26Any hint of romance like Serbine take effect
07:29Brains
07:29Body
07:30What don't you ask?
07:32I mean
07:32You sweaty mule
07:34Our only defense is remembering what we hate about each other
07:36Like how you floss with cheese
07:38You tip too much
07:39It's supposed to be the amount before tax
07:41You kiss on the cheek four times
07:43No one wants that
07:44It's normal in French culture
07:47Like how I presume in your culture
07:48It's normal to grow leg hair long
07:51We did it!
07:55Hate saved the day!
07:57Yes, but I wish there was time for one more insult
08:00I had a good one about your nail polish
08:02Meanwhile in Hamilton
08:07The jewel of tetanus country
08:09Your special day was about to begin
08:11Send the flower girl
08:13Then the groomsman
08:13And preheat the planet-destroying super bomb
08:16But to the music
08:17And the bride and groom in three
08:21Two
08:22Arrêtez-vous!
08:25Your romantic BS didn't work
08:27Now, prepare to pay the price
08:29I don't pay for anything
08:31Security!
08:32We have wedding crashers!
08:35Hey!
08:37Guys, guys, look!
08:38It's us!
08:39Your teammates!
08:42Love is the only team
08:44And romance is the star left wing
08:46I got the dumb animal
08:48You get sassed!
08:49They have an idea
08:49I just see the groom's phone
08:50Ah-ah
08:54The lady hero showed everyone the strippers at Zalax's bachelor party
09:04And it wasn't good for him
09:06For the wedding
09:07And more importantly
09:08For me
09:09It was just a lap dance
09:12And not even a sexual one
09:14Because our genitalia is on our back
09:16No!
09:21You're not glowing anymore
09:23Yep, hate always wins
09:25Yes
09:26Hate had won
09:27I hated them
09:28You two lovebirds hated each other
09:30But I also hate losing
09:31So it's complicated
09:33Anyway
09:33I thought a change in scenery
09:35Could help smooth out this little episode
09:37I even invited those heroes
09:40To participate in your new wedding venue
09:42Sorry, babe
09:47This lap is reserved for you
09:50Thank you
09:54I'll never forget this
09:56Who knew our perfect wedding was simple and easy on an iceberg?
10:01Um, actually, I think it's a glacier
10:03Honey, it's an iceberg
10:05You can tell from the size
10:07Oh, look at you
10:08Mr. Iceberg Expert is also a mansplainer
10:11I want a divorce
10:13Kate wins again
10:15It's undefeated
10:15And I keep betting on love
10:18It could have all ended there again
10:23But it didn't
10:24I managed to get you two ugly unicorns together again
10:28And now look at you
10:29All in all, it's a wedding breakup, wedding breakup
10:32Wedding to remember for a lifetime
10:33And now soon you'll be parents
10:37And I know just the place for the gender reveal
10:40I bet on girl
10:46Previously on Super Team Canada
10:57And this stuff that never happened
11:06We find our heroes enjoying some well-deserved downtime
11:15I know myself
11:16After a long day of work
11:18I like to take my pants down
11:20And turn the strisand up
11:21Until the lady upstairs complains it's too loud
11:24And that is why I steal her prescriptions
11:27Sasuke, can you turn it down a little?
11:30I'm chasing a bonus on my new rust-proofing side hustle
11:33I sell 20 orders
11:34I get a set of Rogi Vashon corn holders
11:36Mrs. Abby Shulman?
11:38Oh, she's dead?
11:40Well, I hope she's resting in peace
11:41But not resting in peace
11:44You see, rust is every bit as sad as death
11:47Ooh, three more wheat for me
11:50Wanna trade?
11:51I can give you wheat
11:52There's only wheat
11:54How is this a game?
11:55The only rule is to stay awake
11:56And there's no way to win
11:58We just keep handing each other pieces of cardboard
12:00Until death mercifully takes us
12:02I've never been so bored
12:04Angry
12:05Or constipated
12:06Just shredding
12:08Hey, it's the fever signal
12:16You know, like a DM from the Prime Minister
12:18Sorry, telemarketing
12:21But I have to go
12:22Angry strangers will just have to hang up on me
12:24At a later time
12:25Okay, that's it
12:27Get it all loose
12:28Super Team Canada
12:33We're facing a crisis
12:34World leaders are being sealed in jars of pickle brine
12:37Turn it off!
12:45Anyway, they're trapped but alive
12:48Well, aside from that one dictator
12:50It's all the twisted work of pickle puss
12:53Eat'em hot, eat'em cold
12:55Even frozen, maybe
12:56Or to shut their yap
12:58Give'em to your baby
12:59When countries raised pickle import taxes
13:04Pickle sales dropped
13:05Pickle puss was let go
13:07When he lost his job, he lost his sanity
13:09Any pickle would
13:10Now he's getting revenge with these vinegar-based tombs set on drift ice
13:14Nature's refrigerator
13:16There's something else
13:18We're retiring the beaver signal
13:20And the beaver we used to create it
13:21Chomper
13:23Yeah, disgusting
13:26Apparently having 60,000 watts flashed at your face
13:29Can create some ill effect
13:30Why didn't you just use a cardboard cutout of his profile?
13:36I don't know
13:37Why can't toenails be muddy?
13:38It just is!
13:39He's gone so blind
13:41He doesn't even know what's wood
13:42And what is it?
13:43Not wood!
13:44Arm!
13:49I'm sure he'll be fine without a job
13:51Cat food's pretty affordable
13:52If you're not hung up on expiration dates
13:54I like seafood sensations
13:56You can taste the ocean
13:57So Chomper just gets fired?
14:00That hardly sounds fair
14:01Oh, yeah
14:02The government not being fair
14:03Totally unheard of
14:04I was hoping you guys would do me a small favor
14:08Would you take Chomper out to the woods
14:10And, you know, give him the old Ottawa senator treatment?
14:14And I don't mean the hockey team
14:15I even got you a cool way to get there
14:17And the gas tank is full
14:20Of soda
14:21Long story
14:22So you'll do it?
14:24We'll do it
14:25For Canada
14:26And for something to add to our LinkedIn pages
14:28Here you go, wood, your last meal
14:38I'm no optician
14:43But when you get to this point
14:45It's time to head to the big penalty box in the sky
14:47Well, if he knows he's about to die
14:50He's sure trying to go empty
14:52Haven't dodged this much scat
14:53Since the Halifax Jazz Fest
14:55So, uh, which one of us is gonna, you know
15:00You should bore him to death
15:03With that story
15:03About the day you got your braces off
15:06The ending
15:07Where you could finally eat licorice
15:10Picklepuss has struck again
15:24The premier of the dark
15:25And presumably chaos
15:27Is missing
15:27Oh, we gotta go
15:28Right after we send someone to be for heaven
15:32My favorite strip club in Montreal
15:34Sass, let's get this over with already
15:37Every minute, every hour
15:59Have one dill, have one power
16:02Yo, sea spider
16:04You have eight crutches
16:05And I'm gonna kick every one of them
16:08Super Team Canada
16:10You may be cool as cutes
16:12But you'll be sour as dill
16:14When I'm done with your dirt games
16:16Don't think about it too much
16:21Instead, think about how you're going to die
16:24Sass, fur bridge
16:26Eat them on the couch
16:41Or on the go
16:43They look like frogs
16:44They're frankly gross
16:45They're pickles
16:47You losers soak in the brine of your failure
16:50I'm off to see the Belgian PM
16:52About some
16:53Cornichons
16:55Bowls not working
16:57Open things up
16:59With a gherkin
16:59I could have taken him
17:00You jerks blocked my shot
17:02Mwah
17:03I had everything under control
17:05Uh-huh
17:05Older people
17:07Chopper
17:15He's still alive
17:16And angry
17:17I've seen that look of pure hate
17:20From so many flight attendants
17:22Everyone wait
17:23It's shut up
17:24Maybe Chopper's our way out of this mess
17:27He hates Sass
17:27So let's use his hate
17:29To love ourselves
17:30Into a win
17:31Sass
17:32Maybe he'll chew through your lid
17:33To get at you
17:34Brock your jar
17:35Tip it over
17:36No one disrupts the pickling process
17:48Some are sweet
17:50Some are sour
17:51Great for a snack
17:53Even in the shower
17:54New plans, Dad
17:55Keep being joked
17:56That blind fever
18:04Tube straight through the ice
18:06Stand up that octopus ass
18:08Seeking revenge
18:09Wait
18:12We want to kill this blue-collar gorilla
18:14And so do I
18:16And that's not all we have in common
18:17We're both forgotten realms
18:19From big, cold-hearted organizations
18:21That tolerated us
18:23When we served a purpose
18:24But as soon as we did it
18:25We were callously discarded
18:27I went from signing
18:28Eight autographs at a time
18:30At Pickle Fest
18:31To bussing four tables
18:32At a time
18:33At Red Lobster
18:34Face it, Beaver
18:35We share the same pain
18:37The same betrayal
18:39Now if we team up
18:41We could share the same vengeance
18:43So, partners
18:44I got the idea to defeat him
18:59From a dream where this happened
19:02And we defeated him this way
19:14In my dream
19:15It was my idea
19:17The only way you helped
19:18Was by doing nothing
19:19Because you were trapped
19:20In a jar
19:21Well, you heard her, folks
19:22I helped
19:23Actually, I had some pickles
19:24The whole country agrees
19:28That's why, as of today
19:30Canada is dropping
19:31All pickle tariffs
19:32Seriously?
19:33You're doing it now?
19:36I have some lepers
19:38You can also pickle peppers
19:41Pickles aren't the only thing
19:43Restored to their former glory today
19:45In honor of his heroism
19:46And thanks to socialized medicine
19:48The government is paid
19:49To fix Chopper's eyes
19:51He's had surgery
19:52Jumping the line
19:53Ahead of several cross-eyed babies
19:55And here he is now
19:58Let's see if the surgery worked
20:00He chose one
20:05His eyes are fixed
20:06And our toy cars are safe
20:08And now, Chopper
20:09This beaver preserve
20:11Formerly Winnipeg
20:12Is yours
20:13You've earned it, buddy
20:15I guess being a hero
20:21Really builds up an appetite
20:23I went to Afghanistan for you all
20:31Twice
20:32What will happen to Pickle Puss?
20:34Don't worry about him
20:35He'll wake up in a luxury suite
20:37In the Graybar Hotel
20:39He was one of my classic
20:43P.M. play on words
20:44I meant send him to our
20:45Government Super Prison
20:47You're supposed to blow on the harmonica
20:53Not suck
20:54You're supposed to take gonna get you
20:55Take himrice
20:59Come back
21:00You look
21:01You look
21:01Nope
21:02You seem to speak
21:02You're supposed to go
21:02Yeah
21:02Help
21:03You seem to be
21:04Put across your face
21:04You have to go
21:05Ma
21:18, second