The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 2 Episode 3
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00:00Brandon know that I'm just like I really do look good. There's also kind of fucking big head. Wait, Sarah here
00:05Why what the fuck you gonna do? You're gonna fucking beat me up. Don't touch me. Yeah, you're not gonna throw down right now
00:11Taylor kind of shot. This is like a marathon
00:14Because I thought you did
00:24Someone's fighting me. Okay, so we go
00:27I
00:30Don't know. Yeah, what's up? What's up should de-escalate a little bit. I'm fine. No, I agree
00:38This is like this is not this is like awkward. Well, he's lying. Yeah, you're lying
00:45Okay, dude, why are you being?
00:49Yeah, why oh and you're my partner you've had my back so much so much yeah, you've got my back all the time
00:57I might be regretting the guest list now
00:58I did not foresee this happening and if I would have known I would have nixed like half these people
01:03Are you happy you're getting your little moment chase? So fun. No, this is not fun. This is why you fucking showed up
01:10I would consider my stay here. Okay, really wrong
01:13Where'd he go? She doesn't wanna be fucking around you right now
01:18Where's your date
01:20Really go talk shit on your podcast. Hey, don't make fun of my podcast. It's fucking lame
01:25I honestly cannot stand chase right now
01:28I think that his intentions coming tonight are not pure me and him dated each other for a little over a month and
01:34I definitely see very bad toxic traits in him. He's a clout chaser
01:38I mean it literally matches his name chase the clout chaser. I think it's very fitting for him
01:44It sucks because it's like dude, you're damn right. I want to know what's going on the truth
01:49Yeah, not just from her side. I want to know it from you like I've never gotten that
01:56Yeah, they can be friends you listen to my conversations
02:00Fuck you Dakota. You can talk to everyone just fuck. Yeah, because you lie
02:05Multiple times you've lied that now I know are the truth
02:10What you've done, oh you want me to bring you up you want to bring you
02:13I
02:34Am gonna leave to I
02:44Chase no with anything. Have you had my back? No, I mean not now
02:48This is fucking stupid. Holy shit. Taylor. Yeah, fuck this
02:53Dakota Dakota, you guys need to literally stop talking go make up and let's be good
02:58What do you think I was fucking doing right here with Dakota turning away from the window? Okay, I couldn't help
03:03Oh, well, maybe just next time
03:06You need to talk to me. Yeah. Hey Dakota. Fuck you. Okay, so
03:11I
03:12Feel like so betrayed. I just expected him to like have my back and I just feel very left alone
03:19My boyfriend just leaves me and then Chase is over here trying to stay at the party. It's a nightmare
03:26I
03:39Your girlfriend just left I don't know if you want to go check on her and make sure she's okay
03:43That's what a man would do. Okay, that's the priority right now
03:47Your girlfriend's literally crying and just left so I would take like that's probably
03:52He's upstairs don't touch me again, all right, I
03:57Just see red. Oh, no, you did not just condescendingly be like, oh worry about yourself
04:03well, I just watched you neglect your girlfriend and then touch me and
04:10Walk out of here like fuck you so I immediately go running to Brett to tell him what just happened
04:17Oh fuck yourself, all right fun party
04:29Shit like I just woke up a monster
04:34This guy's gonna die tonight Chase is going to die on the front lawn
04:39Why is he shirtless?
04:41Yeah, what do you mean
05:11Baby
05:32What do you mean Brett touch my wife what what's happening? Oh, this is crazy. Oh my gosh. Wait, what's happening?
05:39No, she told me that my girlfriend walked out. So I said, where's Brett? Yeah, and I went like this hands on her, dude
05:44Don't like this. Oh god. Oh god. I did see chase past to me and from my perspective
05:52It did look like he just touched her and said hey, where's Brett just like asking I didn't notice anything aggressive
06:00So it was surprising to me that to me got really upset
06:05Are you serious? I'm being dead serious right now. She just told me you put her hand your hands on her
06:09I said, where's Brett to me? What happened?
06:11He literally just walked by me and I was like, you might want to go get your girlfriend and he was like
06:15Where's your husband?
06:17He touched you. Yeah, he did. He's a psychopath
06:21Like dude, don't come. Yeah, look how psycho he is. I
06:26Am happy chase got into it more with other people besides just me
06:31He's proving my point of how psychotic he is and manipulative and he's a gaslighter
06:36Thank you, like they're kind of seeing him for who he is don't touch my fucking wife dude ever
06:42Don't you never touch a woman for any fucking reason dude? No, I walked by said, where's your where's Brett?
06:46I fear for Chase's life in this moment. But in the same breath, I'm like, that's my man. You crossed a major line
06:52I didn't mean to cause a bra. I thought that was normal. Like hey, where's Brett?
07:06Oh shit, here we go. This is gonna be a problem I
07:11Can see how mad she is. She's in this zone
07:13I want to help because I have a feeling that it could get really ugly if I don't I wasn't trying to disrespect to
07:19Me we'll go apologize to her. I will I will right now. Where is she?
07:23Right here to me. I
07:25Walked past you said hey, where's Brett?
07:29Take ownership right now
07:32No take ownership. I didn't mean to disrespect you
07:35I'm sorry for disrespecting you. Okay, I didn't mean to do that. And I'm sorry fuck out of here. All right
07:40I'm sorry didn't mean to do that
07:42Goodbye. See you chase
07:50I
07:51Originally invited chase because I wanted to get to the bottom of Miranda and Taylor and what really happened with the swinging scandal
07:57But we're leaving it on a dot-dot-dot and I really hope we figure out the truth soon
08:02I'm just like where I'm at just because I'm like, I want to have a good
08:05night
08:19What's going on, I mean, are you just like embarrassed I'm just triggered dude, I know
08:24And then I'm like triggered for you
08:26Sorry, I'm really sorry
08:28I'm like, we have a good
08:39I just know yeah, you've dealt with him for a long time and you've gotten a taste
08:44So she's so hard cuz I'm just like dude, you have so many good qualities about you
08:49Why do you do this like?
08:53He left
08:56The police are here
08:58Besides the police are actually
09:02Jesse
09:07See the police are here
09:13We haven't even been here two months we are new to this neighborhood it's our first gathering. Hi, I'm so sorry
09:19Did you guys get a complaint?
09:23Yes
09:24Jordan and I are wanting to die right now and just like hide under a rock because we're definitely getting kicked out of this
09:29neighborhood
09:30Yeah, there were a few people here who are arguing they ran out here and it continued out here because I told them to get
09:35Out so we've settled down but not at all
09:38No, it was just a lot of screaming, but we have a lot of people here who like shut it down and then they left
09:43No, you're fine
09:54Spouses or partners here still no, they left with them. No, they went alone. It was like X's. It's like a tangled web
10:03Have you watched Secret Life?
10:06Okay
10:09No, these two were the problem and they left so we're good now, okay. Thank you guys. I'm so sorry. Thank you
10:15Now let's go have a good time
10:24I
10:30Think what Taylor's just about is that he like to come in and like hear him out first tapping her back
10:41Okay, what do we do we gotta go
10:44Okay, then we go down and dance
10:48Okay, can everyone come to the living room we're just gonna reset the intention of the night
10:53I'm feeling very conflicted about Chippendales at this point because it's gonna lighten the mood or is everyone in such a bad mood that
11:00This is just gonna be a total flop
11:01I really hope that Jordan and Brett can pull it together and just really shift the vibe of this party
11:07All right, you guys we have a little surprise for everyone now that the drama is done
11:11We're gonna do a little performance. So everyone get ready
11:20Is Jenny boo
11:23I
11:26Hear baby
11:35Okay any more time and it's awkward so
11:41This is a really good moment for Zach to redeem himself bring on the Chippendales dancers. Come on Zach. Don't let me down
11:53Oh
12:23This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen in my entire life, I literally am thinking it's a joke
12:27I'm watching Zach the whole time and he looks pissed off
12:41I don't know whether to have a good time right now because I
12:45know that this is making Zach uncomfortable and
12:49because of how
12:50Both the me and Jesse treated my relationship prior to this. It makes me question their intentions
13:03I'm looking at Zach's face and he does not look thrilled at all
13:18Honestly the show must go on
13:20Oh
13:41You guys all were good sports good sports and that was fun
13:45I'm sorry. Oh, I'm fine. It's just that. Yeah, what even happened?
13:52Like what triggered that well chase walked in the door and then yeah
13:56Well, he just went straight to Dakota. Yeah, why were you mad at him?
14:00Because he was like not having my back. He's like interrogating
14:05He's believing chase he just wanted to feel validated and chase was validating him and then he hopped on the train
14:12Yeah, fuck you and fuck you too at this point Dakota has chases back
14:17So I don't currently know what's going on with our relationship and where it goes from here
14:20It's really weird to look someone in the eyes and then be able to just like lie to it
14:32Well, who cares he's the worst
14:35But he's also the father of my child. So sure and he should only be that
14:41That was cute I want you guys to do it again round two, but on me this time
15:11I
15:27Have been dealing with so much shit lately
15:29There's a lot of drama going on and mom talk at this moment
15:32So I'm looking forward to meeting up with my sisters for Halloween to just take a break. I think they've done
15:37Okay, haven't you ready don't pick your nose
15:47With my family, it's important every holiday for us to get the kids together so that they can spend time doing fun traditions
15:55perfect
15:57Easy see I took like 30 minutes. My sister's costumes are definitely my favorite part of Halloween this year
16:03Wait turn back
16:07One of them showed up as me and the other showed up as Whitney she's wearing the classic headband and on the back
16:13She has a sign that says I'm never wrong. Oh my gosh
16:18It was so good
16:21This is where I get all my pettiness from us. Yes. Well for mom
16:28We just did um girls night or like a happy hour at Miranda's house
16:33That she invited everyone to Miranda, yeah, wait, I was not expecting that name
16:38It's not awkward in the same room with her. Well, the only reason I went was to tell her how I felt
16:45But I was a little mean
16:49Think I said a little too much and I felt bad. I just feel like convenient timing
16:53Everything feels kind of fake to me about it. I
16:56Was edging on the side of anger when I went into the conversation. I think I came off a little too harsh
17:01I just feel like in our house
17:04I feel like we grew up in a lot of anger. And so we express our feelings. I just holding it back
17:08Yeah, it's like holding and holding and holding in until all of a sudden it explodes and you're mad comes out
17:13So yeah, I think that's what's happening right now
17:15But I was just surprised to see Miranda defend Taylor during the Halloween party. Hey, we're not doing this here. No, no get out chase
17:23This wasn't gonna happen here
17:25I think I've just let too many things happen for too many years that I'm like actually no
17:30I'm kind of done taking people shit
17:31I'm at a point in my life where I'm like
17:33I want to protect my peace and I want to be able to heal myself my skin and like all my chronic health issues
17:39I think it's related to like deeper-rooted trauma. This is the current state of my skin
17:44Oh, it's just so rough because I've literally been doing I've been cutting out sugar
17:50gluten
17:51I've been cutting back on all my dairy. It just felt like it's getting worse
17:56It's basically like I've been going through an autoimmune disease without an autoimmune disease
18:01But recently I've been working on finding my voice and learning how to express my feelings and now my skin's been doing a lot better
18:08It's hard because when my face is good my body's bad and then it'll swap where my face is
18:14Horrible and my body's great. So I just need to get my whole body in tune with each other
18:19But Jake's always knows to like I can't really express my emotions unless it's like anger
18:24Because I don't know how to validate people's feelings because we didn't get that growing up
18:29Validate their feelings. I'm just like in attack mode and I feel like it's just from
18:33Not expressing my emotions for however many years 24 years, especially you like, especially you
18:41Feel like a lot of it is super
18:44Related to like trauma and things that happen and just all of that
18:50Yeah
18:55I
18:59Was sexually abused for about
19:02Like four or five years. I was young and so I wasn't I
19:06Didn't exactly know what was going on. And then when I was 15, I was like it can't go on any longer
19:12so Halloween of
19:142015 I've ended up going to my mom and I felt like she didn't believe me. I
19:22I feel like that's when I stopped telling people
19:32After that point it was like I was hesitant to say anything to anybody because I was like, well, no one's gonna believe me. I
19:39Think it just silenced me in a way. I
19:44Think that was like
19:46The turning point where my body shifted and was like every time I'm feeling something or feeling like anything hard I can't
19:54Even now it's like I can't express it
19:57It's a tricky
19:59Situation to navigate because it's like I don't know where to go from here
20:02but I think the most important thing is finding the people that you can trust and the people that you feel comfortable around I
20:08Just feel like on Halloween. That was like the last time that I
20:16I
20:21Just when I lost my voice
20:25Such a deep wound of just hurt that I have a lot of fear of having to relive it and feel that all again
20:32okay, I need a break, but maybe I need to try going to therapy and
20:39Finally allow myself to heal. I would say let's hug, but we don't do that
20:46Nice
20:54Get some time in the morning for us the Halloween party was intense
20:59No, I know the Chippendales situation
21:02I think that this is another job from Jesse and to me at Jen and I's expense
21:07I don't know in what world they think that they have some right to like give us exposure therapy
21:12The force something on to someone and especially not tell them I don't think you can claim to have a good intention
21:18like I
21:19Like a man went and sat down with them told them my issues. I had with them
21:23I talked to them about the issues they had with me. I said some super hurtful things to Jen
21:28I look like the biggest hypocrite in the world
21:30Yeah, I don't feel like that's who I am and that's like not who I want to be
21:34Four days later at their Halloween party with a hundred friends. We don't know
21:38We're made into the comedy act so that they can laugh it's a different story if Brett reaches out and says
21:45Like Zach, are you cool with this or even the girls? I mean, did they ask you if they could?
21:51No
21:53So, I mean it shows a lot of I did I did hear Jesse and did me kind of bring it up jokingly when I was
22:00at
22:02Jesse salon, but I didn't I didn't think they were serious to be honest. I
22:06Knew partially of what they were gonna do
22:16But I didn't realize how bad this was upset Zach I
22:20Just wanted to be the fun friend who just said yeah, and that it would be so awesome
22:24But I didn't really question their intentions behind it. And I also didn't ask myself how I felt about it. They're shitty friends
22:32it's like
22:33This is our marriage. This isn't a game and like real friends wouldn't do that. Genuinely. Yeah
22:39feel like I'm
22:42tossed in the middle having to pick between my marriage and
22:46All the girls and mom talk. It definitely feels like I have no one to turn to right now
22:52And that's really hard it's just honestly a toxic environment and
22:56Not the kind of place where I want to be like honestly raising our kids. I just wish that after the party
23:03Didn't
23:04Put the frustration you're feeling towards to me and Jesse on me
23:09After the Halloween party Zach got upset about it
23:12And he was jumping to conclusions and putting his frustration on me without getting the whole picture or the whole story
23:18It was definitely triggering for me. I'm not frustrated at you Jen
23:22I I just you were
23:24Continually going to these parties and spending time with these people who clearly don't have good intentions for you or for our family
23:31I just also want you to acknowledge the frustration you put on me
23:35yeah, I I am frustrated because I feel like I'm having to stick up and
23:39Defend our family and it's making me look like the bad guy when these are your friends
23:44like if my friends were doing these kind of things to us, I would confront them and
23:49Or I would drop them so much was happening. I didn't feel like there was room for me to confront them
23:54It felt like Chippendales all over again. Just like you being Jen. I'm not to the not
24:00I'm not not to think hold on. No, not today
24:03Nobody don't even just listen to me real quick. You just listen to me not to the extent
24:10Obviously you're frustrated about the whole thing and you're frustrated
24:14About not at you at Jesse and to me. Yes, they're not good friend
24:18I know but I wish you wouldn't put that frustration on me and you would ask me how I'm feeling then like how you're feeling
24:24But you bring me to these parties with your friends and then I get put in these situations
24:29I think there is a lot of things that I do need to take accountability for it
24:34I just don't think
24:35Everyone sees the full context and doesn't see the other side of things
24:39Like you also have to own up to like how you treat me after these situations. I'm not putting myself into I just
24:45Honestly felt like pretty like alone
24:49Okay, I just I I can't do this. I'm sorry
24:55This are you gonna hear me out are you gonna listen to me?
24:58I would like to take a break for a second. Will you please cut the camera? I don't want I don't I don't want to
25:04Take a break. I want to openly have this conversation. I'm I'm not down to have this conversation right now
25:09This I'm not getting this twisted on me again
25:14You're making it about you and how you feel you haven't considered how
25:18Later, I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna have this book back on me again
25:23Because I'm crazy ass friends, I've been doing so much work to handle things differently to go about things differently and
25:33Jen is such a sweet pure-hearted person that I think yeah, sometimes I feel like I kind of get a
25:41Little bit I
25:44Don't know. I don't want to say anything bad about Jen. I
25:50Need you to own up to this I'm not I'm not being quiet about and if you don't want to be on camera then
25:54You can go if you don't want to be a part of this
25:56You don't want to be part of this marriage. You can go and I'm only moving forward in this marriage if you take accountability
26:19I
26:26Get out of bed and
26:28I'm headed to the bathroom and then all of a sudden this gush of water comes out TMI. Sorry and
26:36I'm in labor
26:39I'm so excited
26:40It's time. I heard there was drama at Jesse's Halloween party, but lucky me
26:46I can't afford being involved in any big drama because I'm about to give birth and I'm so excited to start this new chapter in
26:51our lives
27:00So I really appreciate you carrying her child
27:03And all the love that you've given me and our children and the love you're gonna give this baby
27:08Being a mom is one of the greatest callings a woman can have
27:16We're so strong Whitney, that's genuinely the closest I feel to heaven big slow breaths
27:26It's the greatest miracle the greatest blessing
27:30anyone could ever experience and
27:32There's a certain significance with having this baby with Connor because we did
27:37Go through so much and we worked so hard to get this relationship that we have today
27:42I'll forever be so grateful that I gave Connor a second chance
27:46This baby wouldn't be here if we were able to overcome what we went through
27:53There's no other person I'd love to be in this room and experience this with than my husband Connor
28:12I know how easy it is to get caught up in the world and worldly things, but
28:21Every time I'm holding a newborn or a baby or one of my children I'm reminded this is what matters
28:28This is what matters in this life
28:42It's beautiful
28:54Some of the girls and I are getting together with our kids today
28:57We are taking them to a farm that has a lot of pumpkins and rides. You guys look so cute. Thank you
29:04Jen's not here. She's kind of been off the grid. I'm okay with it
29:08There she is hi, baby, oh you look cute. I'm excited to see the kids play together and just have a fun light-hearted day
29:22Yeah, let's do
29:30I'm like shaking
29:37I
29:48Let's go play in the corn Jagger. Come on, but we're gonna eat our food first. Okay Jagger. Don't put it in your mouth
29:58I know I was like Macy's gonna ask someone to clean the table
30:02I
30:04Don't like the germs you guys
30:06Have you talked to Whitney at all Jen and I went yesterday and got her a gift
30:11Wait, I want to know how you and Jen got so close just been hanging out
30:15I'm going to kind of have to win these girls over if I want to come back to mom talk and I think Jen and
30:22I have a lot of similarities
30:23I can relate to her because I know what it's like to have your marriage so publicly scrutinized
30:29No one understands unless they've been there feels like I'm having to explain myself when I should just be
30:36Receiving support and they see this. Yeah, and there's like this all underneath
30:41Yeah, I support your marriage and if you guys are working through it
30:45I'm rooting for you guys the girls aren't the biggest fans of Jen right now
30:49But I'm just trying not to rock the boat because I'm not even in mom talk yet. I
30:55Think she just feels alone with the whole exact thing
30:59Because she doesn't want to upset him. Yeah, she also feels like if she opens up to you guys
31:03She's like I already kind of know like their answer. Well to be fair when she's open up to us
31:08It's either a lie or sack doesn't know she's saying it and that's what gets her in trouble
31:12She's done things that have bitten her own self in the ass
31:15So are you guys all not cool with Jen? I feel like I'm just not her biggest fan for what she's done to like you
31:20especially
31:21What she do to you?
31:25She's just kind of been dicked in
31:29I was one of the girls that went on the Italy trip at Vanderpump billow this summer and I know for a fact that nothing
31:34Happened but to me and the guys
31:41Jen was definitely judging to me for being flirty with these guys if that's okay in your marriage
31:47I'm not judging you for it
31:49But then Jen turn around flip it as a way to use it against her almost as blackmail
31:53we had a sit-down talk with her and Zach and we were talking about
31:58Just the disconnect between what she was saying verse what Zach was saying
32:01but instead of like taking the opportunity to like focus on that she took the opportunity to like try to throw me under the bus and
32:08Like was like well, what about villas and what about and I'm like, okay, hold on
32:12We're talking about you and Zach like none of this concerns you in any way
32:16I think that when Jen is in situations where she feels that she's ganged up on and isolated
32:21She likes to deflect and kind of throw out whatever
32:24Dagger she can to take the heat off of herself. Her motives are not good
32:28So I'm just like until I see different like this is where we are
32:32There's just so much like I have to catch up on
32:35Jagger's chomping at the bit to do something
32:39Don't put him in someone's shoes Jagger stop
32:42Jagger do you want to go see the animals with your friends? Okay, I'll take you guys. Soca wants to go with you guys, too
32:49Okay, let's do the corn maze yay, okay, let's hope we come out friends
32:53We'll just go through this no matter how this goes down. If you have to pee just go in there. Yeah, just squat right here
33:00Get all time
33:05Miranda was like another level of like friendship
33:07She's my best friend like we would talk two hours a day on the phone
33:11I'd see her probably three times a week and it ended overnight
33:14If you're gonna like come into our circle again and come into mom talk
33:17I would hope at this point you're willing to like be open and honest because if you're not I will
33:22Clear the air. I won't be called a liar because everything I've said is true. I'm ready to move on
33:30Well, how have you been feeling about being around me? Yeah, I'm like almost maybe in shock like
33:36We should have a conversation because your story still are like a little different and so I'm just confused
33:41I feel like a lot of animosity still like about the whole situation
33:43The only time I like touched anyone or did anything with anyone was kissing
33:48I'm hoping Taylor is ready to really have what I hope is the final conversation
33:54I just want to clear it up once and for all there wasn't anything beyond that
34:05What I wanted to get across was that I was like when Taylor said everyone was hooking up with everyone
34:09I'm like that wasn't the case. I didn't hook up with anyone
34:11I think when people think like swinging parties was not really like I guess for me like what I would picture
34:17Maybe we have a different definition of involvement. Then I didn't mean sex. I just meant we were all doing things with each other
34:23I don't want to get it twisted height of what I was involved in was kissing people. It wasn't just kissing. I
34:32Don't know what to say about it. Yeah, it's true. But like also not it's just downplaying what actually happened
34:36I feel like it's like we did everything Love Island does seen Love Island where they play the games
34:41But I was just kind of like plus a little more
34:44And no one had sex as far as I know so
34:49Yes, you didn't have sex with the husband but like you didn't just kiss people though you participated in all these things
34:55I mean I could just start listening. We did have sex in the shower with our husbands all together
35:00We also had sex in the same bed at the same time
35:04We would blindfold each other and you would have to guess which husband you were kissing and a couple of times
35:10We did that we also
35:12Had a night where it was just four husbands and you and me they asked us to go get in short shorts
35:17So we did and then we came down and we were so drunk
35:19We were making out we were on top of each other and they all filmed it on their phones
35:24I
35:26Mean
35:28Taylor's not wrong
35:30At this point. I don't even know if I should say yes. I am a swinger. No, I'm not a swinger
35:34You guys can call it whatever you want. You tell me if I go or not. How are you guys feeling about Miranda?
35:39I feel better about Miranda than I feel about Whitney. Well, I'm around her. I enjoy being around her. That's what I'm saying
35:44Well, I'm glad to hear that. Maybe you guys are softening on her. I might not
35:48Well, I don't have any anger now
35:50I'm still hesitant of the timing of things and the intentions and she knows that the only thing that makes me nervous is just that
35:56She is attaching herself to like Jen. Yes. I don't know why it makes you attach yourself to us. Yeah
36:04I wonder what they're talking about
36:07Being called a bad friend was like what I took really personal and so I guess like this is for me like what this is I
36:15Am here and I came here to take accountability
36:19So yeah, we've had sex in the same room
36:21Like we've had like like we had crazy parties in Mexico and I'm like, I don't think you deserve to be lied to
36:30Yeah, there were a handful of things that happened that I am still like yeah, that's so embarrassing
36:35I'm not gonna deny that if I could go back. I would have handled everything differently
36:39I think that I really let the fear of being perceived get the best of me. I just felt so out of control and
36:47So wronged it was difficult for me to have a lot of like empathy for her
36:53But I wish that I would have come out with what really did happen rather than denying
36:58Everything that probably did make her feel worse and look worse and that wasn't my intentions. It was very much
37:05I'm terrified and I have a reputation as a Mormon to uphold and I regret that
37:11The sooner that we get through these hard conversations the sooner we can hopefully
37:16build a genuine relationship and friendship, I just want to move on and
37:21Leave it all behind us your sake for my sake for everyone's sake
37:25But I won't make you go into any details if you're like saying yeah, we did crazy stuff along with like
37:31Kissing then then that makes sense to me. I just say I wanted to make sure we're like on the same page. I
37:39Do feel like Miranda is trying to take the steps of admitting the things that she has done and just taking accountability
37:44I know her very well, and I think there's a part of her that's very uncomfortable admitting those things
37:50Knowing that family and friends are gonna know and seen hear about it
37:55And it's like I have a really soft spot for her in my heart, and I still do
38:00Love her the whole like chase thing and like his feelings and all of that was just like
38:06Gut-wrenching, you know, I'm feeling like double betrayal. Yeah betrayal from like my husband and from my best friend
38:11There was just so much that I couldn't do the friendship anymore and I understand that that like wasn't fair to you
38:18Given you how close we were I like I could see how betraying that would be. Yeah, I would be really sad about it
38:24yeah, so I I
38:27Hold that on me too a lot
38:29So it's not fair to hold resentment with you because I'm just like I was not a good friend at that time
38:38Sorry, I
38:40was a really bad friend and
38:43Maybe I was a bad person and but I'm sure Taylor can relate
38:48But it was a lot things we both did to each other. Yeah, I feel like
38:53That's fair to just let it go. Like I'm like
38:56Leave Taylor in 2022 like in the past because I feel like I'm a completely different person
39:01I don't know if you can tell but yeah
39:03I just like I do not like that version of myself and I think that's why I'm stuck
39:06I'm like not moved on because I'm like I
39:09Don't know I don't know like I can't even like actually talk about it
39:15Understand I still know how something like that horrible you yeah, like that person I was like very selfish. I
39:24Feel like I was such like a good person up until like those like that time
39:28And like I was so loyal to my husband to my best friend
39:31Like I told him like a lot like I'm not gonna do this
39:35I'm a loyal wife
39:37And then I think Essence went on like I was I got weaker and weaker the more we did it
39:43I don't know how I did that to him and like you I
39:49Don't know. I just I hear I get here
39:52Yeah, but Taylor if you wouldn't if you weren't her you wouldn't be where you are now like you which I don't know
39:58It's a good thing. Like I'm like and I'm not
40:01How do you not think that you're better than where you were yeah, I'm a better person
40:05Yeah, absolutely. Like I told you how I
40:08I've seen it in you. I think it's more than fair for you to give yourself a little bit of grace
40:14Miranda and I talking here does make me
40:17Realize I do miss the friendship her and I have like this natural chemistry that we just like
40:23Gravitate towards each other and I have never had someone like that
40:25But I don't know if I want to be her best friend. Like obviously there's a ton of history
40:30So time will tell with that
40:39I'm losing sight of seeing it all losing the five credit the phone. I'm just getting tired of standing tall
40:47I
40:58Have you been
41:00Busy. Yeah, what's going on? So what are you thinking?
41:04You want to focus on today? Maybe retouch on some trauma?
41:09Okay. Yeah, so I'd like to maybe see if we can go back to that 14 year old, you know, Michaela
41:15Who do you think you want to take your power back from the most?
41:21My mom I
41:23think it's also maybe just becoming comfortable with keeping it in for so long and
41:28shoving it down and
41:30The fear bringing it up as well
41:34Yeah, don't know how to process that so just keep it down
41:38Is it getting harder to to keep it there? Are you noticing it have more effects?
41:44Mm-hmm. Definitely have more effects. I would say
41:48Notice it's filling out into different relationships or different areas
41:55Growing up I think we all kind of inherited the trait of you push everything under the rug
41:59You don't talk about it until it gets to the boiling point and for me
42:02It was presenting itself in physical ways and it was like I couldn't run away from it anymore
42:07And so I was like, okay. Well, I'm just gonna go in and I'm gonna headstrong just attack it
42:11I still get like triggered by it and I still have the the trauma response. So sometimes to take your power back
42:18We need to do things now that you didn't have a chance to do when you were younger, right?
42:23So I want you to channel into the feistiest
42:27snarkiest easyness
42:31Bitchiest piece of yourself, okay
42:36I'm gonna represent the person that was abusing you and I want you to come at me
42:40I want you to say what you really feel about me. You're a piece of shit. I can't do it
42:47Yeah, like I can't do it. What else would you say to me?
42:55It is uncomfortable Michaela for sure it's uncomfortable for you to have to live with us
43:01But you have a right to say your piece
43:04Mm-hmm. You have a right to say yeah, no, right
43:09You took advantage of me
43:13It's a little girl and
43:17You hurt me in a way you had no business ever putting hands on me
43:30And you're a piece of shit
43:33And you had no right to do it to me and take so much from me
43:39And I feel a lot of hate towards you for it
43:50You motherfucker
43:53I
43:57Mean amen
43:59Is it any lighter is it still just as heavy as ever is it? I think it's a little lighter for sure
44:06Yeah, it's a little bit lighter. I
44:10Think just talking about it is a little healing
44:14talking about my past sexual abuse is not easy, but I feel like there's something really freeing about finally speaking my truth and
44:21Expressing these emotions that I've held in for so long and it's definitely something that I want to apply to every aspect of my life
44:27I want to flip the script and break that cycle
44:31Is it something that you could leave here instead of tucking it back inside of you? Yeah
44:51I
44:54Unis but up again
44:57There it is, that's what you wanted to happen, huh?
45:08You just had a baby I know oh my god, no you forget yes every single time you forget here
45:16Yeah, let's go in here is perfect
45:18Macy and I are visiting Whitney today and just check in on how she's doing postpartum
45:28I wouldn't say I'm like besties with Whitney, but I have no issues with Whitney and I'm here if she needs a friend
45:38So when he reached out to me to get together to kind of just hash everything out
45:41It's like I reached out to you like ever so often you didn't respond to me and then all sudden you posted a personal text
45:47And then I'm like what the hell so it felt like a stab in the back to be honest
45:51I wish that I would have just talked to you rather than running away. I'm sorry
45:56I just can't help but feel bad for her. And I do think that she regrets all the things that happened
46:02I mean Jesus told us to forgive and love my neighbor. So that's why I'm forgiving you
46:07Yeah
46:09Freaking cute. Oh, he might be getting hungry though. He's like opening his mouth
46:15I'm glad you're like doing
46:17Good, and you're up and you're like, I know yeah around which is crazy. Yeah. Okay. Wait, I have to know what happened at the Halloween party
46:25Oh gosh, maybe we were like a summary. What happened? What didn't happen? Really?
46:30I know chase showed up because yeah, and I told me chase. Well, that's when chaos started. Okay, we just started going at it
46:36It was bad
46:38Believing him. I'm like, why would you believe him when you can see he's lying
46:42The biggest issue I had at the Halloween party was kind of Dakota not defending me as much as I thought he would to chase
46:49Did you tell me that Jimmy had a sex dream about me? Yeah
46:58Almost as if he's looking for something to justify like the lies
47:03I found out it makes it hard to move forward, especially when things like this come up and happen
47:07It's like it's like almost we take two steps back
47:10Is it really bad and then the cops came?
47:18When you give birth it's just you and this baby as we're sitting here talking
47:23I'm just constantly reminded of how much I miss this. I miss being around even the other women and I miss us all being together
47:30Girlfriends crying Miranda's crying. That's when Jordan freaks out. Take accountability
47:37Take ownership right now
47:41That was wild and then I guess she didn't know it was so weird that's craziness. That's like insane. I
47:48Can't believe I'm about to say this out loud, but I think I want to come back into mom talk
48:00I
48:08Definitely felt very isolated. It definitely feels like I have no one to turn to right now
48:16It feels like Jesse and Demi are trying to sabotage me in my relationship
48:24This whole time you were talking about how you're the supportive friend to me if mom talk is about friendship then
48:33Why are you doing this to me?
48:34If you truly knew what I have been going through this past year, this is the last thing that you would be doing
48:42Hey, I went to the store, yeah
48:49I'm 10 days late now, so
48:53I think we should
48:55We should take a pregnancy test
48:59Okay, let's do it
49:01Okay, you just want me to wait right here
49:04when you come in the bathroom
49:07after
49:08Sure. Yeah
49:24Do you want to look at it together?
49:49I
49:51Started feeling depressed and anxious because my life has been really rocky and
50:00All over the place so I am
50:05Stressed out of my mind with the thought of me being pregnant
50:11Because Zach and I aren't on the best of terms and I think the last thing we need is another baby
50:21I'm okay
50:30Ready to look at it. Yeah
50:39Yeah, I'm pregnant
50:51Yeah, I'm just scared
50:56Because I'm not the person I want to be before bringing in another child
51:03So I'm sad for this child because I
51:08Don't even know where my marriage is that
51:12And so I
51:16Think in this moment
51:19I've kind of come to my breaking point
51:30Do you want it harder or softer I like
51:35You ever think you'd be back at a mom talk sex party. I mean Miranda's a great kisser. I
51:41Just wanted to talk to you guys about the Halloween situation. What you guys did was touch my wife without consent a
51:47Few months ago. I got confessions. I said I slept with Demi's husband last year while she was away
51:54Tensions and mom talk have been really high right now
52:01Okay, now it's time for you guys to confess something that you've held in that you've never told people so many secrets