Preston cooks a turkey

Beasley Digital

According to a man at the turkey place, Preston doesn't need to brine his turkey and likes when his wife wears a strap-on.

Transcript

00:01Hey Press, you said you might be able to find time to brine your bird?

00:06I am, yes. I am going to brine the bird.

00:08Actually, we went and picked up my bird yesterday.

00:11My wife had pre-ordered it, and the place that I went to, they had people directing traffic.

00:17Really?

00:18It was so busy, people picking up their fresh birds.

00:21Wow.

00:22I had asked while I was there, I said, hey, do you guys have any brine kits?

00:27You know, the bag and everything, and the gal goes, she's like, actually, we recommend against brining so we don't have.

00:32And an old guy standing in front of me turned around and goes, you don't need to brine that turkey.

00:37And I was like, excuse me?

00:40Shut up, old man.

00:42You want to know why? Because I'm your real father.

00:46I've been looking for you for years, Preston. I have a story to tell.

00:51I went a little bit on the defensive end.

00:53Of course. Mind your own business.

00:56You old fool.

00:57I was like, dude, I like brining.

00:59I'm like, I've done it a bunch of different ways.

01:00I've cooked them, you know, covering the bird in bacon.

01:02Oh, yeah, you like when your wife wears a strap-on, too.

01:05Wow.

01:06She's had all the stuff you like in your kinky little hellhole.

01:09You like your, oh, I like my turkey brine.

01:11I like my wife wearing strap-ons.

01:13Oh, I like all these things.

01:14You like figging, too?

01:16Wow.

01:17You know about figging?

01:18I know about figging.

01:19I invented it.

01:20I got the patent right here in my wallet.

01:22It's right next to my butterscotch candy.

01:25But he said it kind of snotty to me.

01:27Yeah.

01:28You don't need to brine that turkey.

01:29I'm like, I'll do what I want to.

01:32Take your meds and shut up.

01:33With the damn thing.

01:34Yeah.

01:35Shouldn't you be dead?

01:36In hindsight, later on, I was like, did I even need to get defensive with this guy?

01:41It was stupid.

01:42But I should have just got him.

01:43You should have pantsed him.

01:44Right.

01:45I was like, I didn't invite you into the conversation.

02:01Oh.

02:02Oh.

02:03Yeah.

02:04Bolton's is the name of it.

02:05Somebody texted him.

02:06113 in Silverdale.

02:07Yep.

02:08That's it.

02:09And this person lives across the street, they said.

02:10Well, I'm sorry I missed you.

02:11Go ask the old man about Brian Turkeys.

02:13So, anyway.

02:14But, yeah.

02:15I'm going to do it.

02:16Yep.

02:17I'm sorry, but did you engage the guy in conversation, or?

02:19No.

02:20I just said, look.

02:21I go, I've cooked it a bunch of different ways.

02:22I've cooked them, you know, wrapping in bacon, flipping it upside down, stuffed, not stuffed,

02:26and I like Brian, so.

02:27I'll get the hell away.

02:28Enjoy your dildo.

02:29Yeah.

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