- 4/22/2025
Toucher & Rich Fart Court
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00It is time! Let's do it! Order of the Court! Order of the Court!
00:04All right, it is fart court.
00:10The judges are all presiding, and we will play a clip from media,
00:17and we will have to decide if the person did or did not pass gas.
00:23It is very controversial.
00:26Lots and lots of arguing.
00:28Rich, where is today's clip from?
00:31I've been sent many, so I might have an idea, but go ahead.
00:35There is a standard that we at Fart Court have to adhere to,
00:39and we have to make sure that we uphold the sanctity of judging said farts.
00:46And that's why when you see somebody who is a repeat or offender,
00:52immediately you think, this guy's making a stink.
00:55But, it will need to be ruled official.
01:01Fred, in the history of Fart Court, who has had more farts deemed guilty than anyone else in media that we have talked about?
01:08Oh, the big guy from ESPN?
01:10Marcus Spears!
01:12Yes.
01:13Marcus Spears, who is a talking head.
01:16I don't even know what show it's on.
01:19It's the one that's not first take.
01:21It's like the one that's kind of before first take, I believe.
01:24All I know is he's never there, and he's never where they're filming, and it's on during the day.
01:31Or he's trapped in like this box somewhere.
01:33Yes, he's somewhere, and it doesn't even look like he's home.
01:37It's a box with a very loud microphone that picks up a lot.
01:40We do know that.
01:40Yes, he does.
01:42He gets very excited and at least makes the noises that sound like farts.
01:45He was talking about the Dallas Cowboys.
01:49And in this case, did Marcus Spears make some smears?
01:54Did he blow away his colleagues with his extra hot take?
01:59Did he fart really loud?
02:01You be the judge, Judge Toucher, Judge Lockhart on far court.
02:08Lost, Marcus.
02:10Swagoo, I'm going to give you the floor on Dak, the Cowboys, and wherever it is you'd like to take him.
02:17It's so many damn places.
02:19First of all, let me say this, all right?
02:21This ain't the come on, get up, and give a love-fest to Dak Prescott.
02:25He played bad.
02:27And Dak is the weak link.
02:29This was a 14-point lead going into the fourth quarter.
02:34Let's critique Dak.
02:35Let's talk about when he makes mistakes, when he doesn't play well, and that's right, and that's rightfully so.
02:45I believe I heard a burp in there as well.
02:47Let's talk about when he makes mistakes, when he doesn't play well, and that's right, and that's rightfully so.
02:55So, sometimes it's his throat making noise, but how would your throat make that noise?
03:01No, no, because that's a full-on flap.
03:04Yeah.
03:04Like, you hear some flappage there.
03:07Throats don't flap.
03:09Play it again.
03:10Yeah, play it again.
03:10Throats are more guttural.
03:11All right, play it again.
03:12Okay.
03:12This was a 14-point lead going into the fourth quarter.
03:17Let's critique Dak.
03:19Let's talk about when he makes mistakes, when he doesn't play well, and that's right, and that's rightfully so.
03:26I mean, that's got to be a wet fart.
03:28Yeah.
03:28Right.
03:28I heard a bubble and crude.
03:30And muffled by his butt.
03:31Yeah, that's, I mean, that's got to be a wet fart, because I've, I've found him not guilty before, because it was, he'll go, like, his throat will do, but there's no way his throat made that noise.
03:43Whoa.
03:44I mean, listen to that, listen to that.
03:46When he doesn't play well.
03:51I mean, that is, dude, that is, that's loud, too.
03:54When he doesn't play well.
03:56Yeah, that's a, and it's got, like, you can hear it kind of, it's away from the mic.
04:02Yeah.
04:03Like, it's, it's, but, like, the lapel mic picked it up.
04:08And when there's, when there's a pause, there is always cause.
04:11He paused after he said play well and then restarted his thought.
04:14That's a pause, that's a pause and push.
04:16Well, he doesn't play well.
04:18I mean, I have no idea, since there's gas in the system, so.
04:22I have no idea how your throat could make that noise.
04:25Yes, so it can't be his throat.
04:27That is a wet fart.
04:29Then he makes a little, so it's a burp.
04:33So you know that he's already filled with gas.
04:35Wait, what?
04:35Yeah, it's like.
04:37It sounds like he put his finger in his cheek and made a popping noise.
04:42Yeah.
04:43Maybe he, maybe he knew he was going to offend, so he put some kind of cap in his, some cork
04:50up there.
04:51And that was popping the cork.
04:53Bruins, which door says the proof is in the pudding and the pudding is in his pants.
04:58Odor in the court.
04:59Odor in the court.
05:01Do not chime in until you were called on.
05:04Totally.
05:04The dude pushed out the fart and everything.
05:06That is true.
05:07That is a fart.
05:07Not only did it make him pause, it also made him double take his words.
05:10That's right.
05:10It kind of, it kind of shook him up and made him leave.
05:13Yeah, he knew he was going on trial.
05:17That's all he could see.
05:18Just some powdered wigs.
05:19That's what he saw.
05:20He doesn't play well.
05:22He knew it was coming.
05:23Yeah, he, that's all he could see.
05:25Judgment day was right around the corner.
05:27Okay.
05:27Judge, Judge Toucher, what say you?
05:32I have ruled him not guilty in the past, but I cannot do so with clear conscience today
05:40because I don't know how your throat could possibly make a wet fart noise unless you are
05:45drowning in your own vomit, which he clearly is not.
05:49I am saying he is guilty.
05:53Bruins Luchinor says the triple P.
05:56Pause, push.
06:02Yes, indeed.
06:03Everyone comes for fart court.
06:05Everyone comes for fart court.
06:06Judge Lockhart.
06:07Judge Lockhart.
06:08I think the evidence is in the burp.
06:10There's gas in the system.
06:11The man is a serial offender.
06:13I think he's guilty and he deserves a life sentence.
06:16Oh, man.
06:17He is a Hall of Fame farter.
06:18Like, this guy, at what point do you throw, you know, does he hit the chair?
06:22The big, hot chair.
06:24He's going to melt the hole in that thing.
06:24Maybe there's a reason that he is not in studio with the people.
06:27There has to be, he should be in a show called Quick Change where they have to quickly get
06:35him in new drawers.
06:36Yeah, get Marcus some new pants.
06:38Someone said to go back five seconds.
06:39There's an earlier one you missed.
06:40I don't know about that.
06:42There was one, there was a noise that was made at some point that sounds like.
06:46Was it that one?
06:49No, it sounds like.
06:51Oh, yeah.
06:51He's he breathed very heavy.
06:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:55It's going to be.
06:56I mean, that makes it more evidence that there's a big fart.
06:58I mean, they make the fat guy yell.
07:00I mean, he's a real big guy and they're making him yell and move around.
07:04I mean, gas is going to.
07:05His stomach is going to get upset.
07:07Let me let me hear.
07:08Go back about like 10 seconds.
07:09Let me.
07:09And Fred, I want you to yell out when you think you might.
07:11Well, no, you're going to have to play the whole clip again.
07:13Okay.
07:13Sorry.
07:14Sorry.
07:15This is like this Pruder film.
07:16Back and forward, back and forward.
07:18Let's go for it.
07:19Lost Marcus.
07:21Swagoo, I'm going to give you the floor on Dak, the Cowboys, and whatever you'd like to take.
07:26Before that.
07:27Right before that.
07:29Before that.
07:29Go back.
07:30Let me hear it.
07:30Let me hear it.
07:31That's the beginning of the clip.
07:32I know.
07:33Let me hear that.
07:34Let me hear it.
07:37No, just play the clip.
07:38Yeah, I know.
07:38Lost Marcus.
07:39Swagoo, I'm going to give you the floor on Dak, the Cowboys, and whatever it is you'd like
07:45to take it.
07:46Right before.
07:47I think he goes.
07:49But it's not a fart.
07:50Whatever it is you'd like to take it.
07:52It's right before that.
07:55Get that breathing.
07:56Get that breathing.
07:56I mean, they make him.
07:57They make his act everything out to be like he's got his side.
08:03On Dak, the Cowboys.
08:06And what's great, too, is that we have an army.
08:09Or, like, an arsenal of Marcus Spears' farts here.
08:12We start talking about where would Aaron Rodgers hit him.
08:14I mean, it's.
08:15There's one.
08:17Wouldn't it like us?
08:18I don't even know.
08:20That's his throat.
08:21That's why that had to be one.
08:21Because it's talking about his farting.
08:23That's his throat.
08:24But I don't know how it's doing.
08:26That's not his throat.
08:27Dude, listen.
08:29Wouldn't it like us?
08:30There's no way that's a fart.
08:32That's a balloon when you pull it tight at the end.
08:34Like, that is absolutely.
08:36There's no other way that's a fart.
08:39Wouldn't it like us?
08:40Because, hang on, it's not his throat because he's going.
08:43He's making a sound with his voice.
08:44I don't know how he's doing it.
08:46I don't know how he's farting.
08:48He's a fart chuliquist.
08:49He's throwing his fart.
08:51I mean, come on.
08:51You can hear him using his voice.
08:53While that's out.
08:54It's ass and mouth at the same time, Fred.
08:58Wouldn't it like us?
08:58Oh, I don't know.
08:59That would be quite a feat.
09:04All I know is that they make this poor guy.
09:06They get him all riled up.
09:07And he's sitting there farting and making noise.
09:10The situation.
09:11Okay.
09:12That's another.
09:13Do we have seven Marcus Spears farts?
09:15Some of these are his throat.
09:17Okay.
09:17Is this his throat?
09:18We just.
09:19The situation.
09:21No.
09:21Because that was a double dose.
09:22That was a double dose of duty.
09:24I think it's his throat.
09:25But I don't know.
09:26It's not his throat.
09:27I just found him guilty.
09:28On this one.
09:30But some of these are his throat.
09:31None of these are his throat.
09:32Listen to this again.
09:33We just.
09:34The situation.
09:36There's no way.
09:37His fart is.
09:39All right.
09:39Because that's what.
09:40Well, he's talking.
09:41He's putting different pressure.
09:42I've already.
09:43I've already ruled on these.
09:45Right then.
09:46I mean, come on.
09:48Thursday night.
09:52That's a total blowout right there.
09:53That was like.
09:55There's nothing left.
09:57That's the Walmart speaker.
09:58That is like the Civil War cannon fart.
10:01Like that is just.
10:02Let's go.
10:03Yeah.
10:03That's an empty tank.
10:05That's empty out the tank.
10:06That is.
10:08Thursday night.
10:11That's almost like he farted in the mic.
10:13Yeah.
10:14He lifted his leg on that one.
10:15That's.
10:15That's stairwell worthy.
10:16That one right there.
10:17That's without a doubt.
10:18You start talking about where would Aaron Rodgers hit him and his.
10:21That's his throat.
10:22That's his throat.
10:25Wouldn't it like us.
10:26It's almost like his clothes are ripping.
10:33We just.
10:35The situation.
10:37He's the king.
10:39You, sir, Marcus Spears, are the king of farts.
10:42No one has been guilty.
10:43Guilty more on far court than Marcus.
10:46Well, no one's been accused, certainly.
10:49Okay.
10:50Then I'll give you this, Fred.
10:52Let's say one of those.
10:53I'll give you two of those were his throat.
10:56Even though.
10:56No, no.
10:56That's what I.
10:57That's what I think.
10:58Okay.
10:59No, he farts a lot.
11:00I found him guilty today.
11:01He's been brought to far court eight times.
11:04I'm telling you, they make the poor guy.
11:07They tell him.
11:07They obviously go.
11:08You got to.
11:09It's not natural the way he's acting.
11:11He doesn't play well.
11:13Yeah.
11:14That's.
11:14I mean, that's a fart.
11:15Without a fart.
11:16There's no question.
11:17That's a fart.
11:18Marcus Spears, you are guilty, guilty, guilty at far court.
11:20He doesn't play well.
11:22Is it worth it?
11:33Let me work it.
11:34Put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.
11:36Is your primitive as when yet?
11:38Is your primitive as when yet?
11:40If you got a big.
11:42When the lights are.
11:43It's better now.
11:44How hard I got to work yet?
11:45Come on.
11:48That's actually the recording session.
11:50Missy.
11:50I don't need that.
11:51I don't need that.
11:52Missy Elliott.
11:58We just.
11:59The situation.
12:00I want to hear that again.
12:02I'm sorry.
12:03I want to hear that again.
12:04Hold on that one.
12:05I want to hear this one again.
12:06Hold on that one.
12:07Let's hear this one.
12:08When he doesn't play well.
12:19Is it worth it?
12:20Let me work it.
12:21Put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.
12:24Is your primitive as when yet?
12:26Is your primitive as when yet?
12:28If you got a big.
12:29When the lights are.
12:30Oh my god.
12:37These.
12:37These wigs are hot.
12:38Say mine for a little bit.
12:39I want to hear it.
12:40I'm sorry.
12:40I want to hear it.
12:41We'll see you Yang.
12:42I'm sorry.
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