Sex Package Delivery

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a Scottish woman who had a sex toy left on her porch by a neighbor, which leads to people calling in about naughty package delivery mistakes.

Transcript

00:00This is a grandma getting something in her mailbox and she could be related to Chuck

00:09because she's in Scotland and her name is Dorothy Urquhart.

00:15Well, Urquhart in Scotland is like Smith.

00:18Oh, everyone has that name.

00:20It sounds so Scottish.

00:21Urquhart!

00:22Urquhart!

00:23It's Urquhart!

00:23Urquhart!

00:25Urquhart!

00:25A grandmother said she had to call her son to come on a date.

00:30Identify a dirty vibrator that was sent into her letterbox.

00:36Yeah, I am related to her.

00:3773-year-old Dorothy Urquhart found the purple dildo dangling from her door's mail slot.

00:44She said it was dirty and had stuff on it.

00:47Okay, I have to send this to my mom and find out if I'm related.

00:52She had to call her son to come around and identify it.

00:55For God's sakes, Mom.

00:57Identify this.

00:58What is that?

00:58You know what it is.

01:00It's a fake wheelie.

01:02Oh, it's a wheelie.

01:04I had no idea.

01:04It's a dildo.

01:06There's a dildo.

01:08Burn it.

01:09Burn it to the ground.

01:10We better burn it to the ground.

01:15She said when he told me what it was, it did upset me.

01:18I was quite upset when he told me that.

01:20Because you don't expect a dunger to be hanging from your door.

01:24You don't.

01:24No.

01:25You don't.

01:26A dirty dunger.

01:28A dirty dunger.

01:28Old lady.

01:29Probably a real, real angry woman.

01:32Yeah.

01:32You think so?

01:33Angry, old Scottish.

01:34Most of the ear carts get angry.

01:38That's too bad.

01:39How did I feel?

01:40I was pissed.

01:40Yeah.

01:42Someone said, my last job had a package get delivered to my boss.

01:45Turns out someone got his credit card and wanted to give him a little FU.

01:49The package was a realistic vagina-ass combo delivered to him in the professional workplace.

01:56My boss initially thought it was his friend messing with him.

01:59It was just someone getting revenge.

02:00Those are those high-quality half-butt ones.

02:02Yeah, just the jiggly butt.

02:04The jiggly ass.

02:05Here's the reverse of that.

02:06Someone said, I ordered a fairly large dildo and it was delivered to the wrong address.

02:11It was never returned to me, so I'll never know which neighbor knows I'm a freak.

02:16You have to move.

02:18Because it has your name on it.

02:20It has your name on it.

02:21Absolutely.

02:21Hey there, Cindy.

02:22Got your gigantic dildo.

02:24You like them big, huh?

02:28You're one of them size queens, huh?

02:30Yeah, we took that thing out.

02:31It took two guys to carry it up to the door.

02:33It's so heavy.

02:35That thing's got some weight to it.

02:37I tell you, it was like a roll of carpet.

02:39I never seen anything like it.

02:41It came and I was like, who the hell ordered?

02:42What the hell is this?

02:43Some kind of construction equipment?

02:45What is that there?

02:46Open it up, bada, boom, bada, bang.

02:47That thing is AP noose.

02:50Do you want it back?

02:51I never look at you the same.

02:56I got it in a wheelbarrow.

02:58That thing is crazy.

02:59Sitting in the guest room of my house, just taking up most of the space in there.

03:04Someone said, as progressive as you all are, why would you care if you got your neighbor's

03:07toys?

03:07It's not.

03:08I wouldn't care.

03:09I'm trying to save them from embarrassment.

03:12They may not be as progressive.

03:15I don't want to know.

03:16Exactly.

03:17It's secrets.

03:18It's secrets.

03:19That's your neighbor and what they're into.

03:20I don't care how innocent it is.

03:23I don't want my neighbor's nipple clamps.

03:25I don't want my neighbor's lube.

03:28I don't want anything from the neighbor.

03:31And I don't want them to get anything of mine.

03:34No.

03:35It is weird to get...

03:36Hey, Cindy, another package came for you by mistake over here.

03:39Some kind of vagina electrocution kit.

03:43That thing is wild.

03:45I didn't know what it was at first.

03:47I plugged it in.

03:48I was like, is this a video game?

03:50What is this?

03:51Some kind of new operation game?

03:53Almost lit your cat on fire.

03:55Things got wild.

03:57Just for a minute, just trying to figure out what the hell it was.

03:59I didn't even know what it was.

04:01But if you want it back, you come right over.

04:03We'll get it to you.

04:04Does anyone offer a sex box of a month?

04:08They have to.

04:09Oh, yes.

04:10Let's look it up.

04:11I feel like there is.

04:11If there is, I'm ordering it.

04:13If there's not, we need to start it.

04:16Oh, you guys, it's done.

04:18Come on.

04:18No, it is.

04:18There's no sex box of a month.

04:19One of my buddies does it for fish.

04:23Spicy subscriptions.

04:25You could do it for anything, right?

04:26Yeah.

04:26What do you get in there?

04:28How could they change it up?

04:28There's the 10 best sex toy subscription boxes.

04:31We'll give you some different lubes.

04:3210 best?

04:3210 best.

04:33So there's already like...

04:34Yeah, different lubes.

04:35My goodness.

04:35So here's what you can get.

04:36You can get Heart and Honey Box, the Fantasy Box, Unbound, the Slut Box.

04:40Ooh.

04:40Get me that.

04:41The Workbench.

04:41I didn't think your Slut Box came to the wrong house again.

04:45I hate to keep doing this thing.

04:47You gotta watch yourself with those fingers when you're typing in that address.

04:51Because it's making me and a UPS guy having some weird moments.

04:56I get it.

04:5734 or 43.

04:5934 or 43.

05:00But...

05:00I tell you what, they're not discreet.

05:02It said sex box right on that side of the goddamn thing.

05:06Slut Box.

05:07Slut Box.

05:07Slut Box, I mean.

05:09That's right.

05:11Is this what's in the Slut Box?

05:12That's in one.

05:13So that's an example of like one of them.

05:14So that's...

05:15You get one of those crazy dildas.

05:17You get the Cat and Nine Tails.

05:19That's it.

05:20You get cuffs.

05:21Yeah.

05:21Chocolate Fantasy Lotion.

05:23And then Sparkle Mist.

05:25Wow.

05:26It's crazy.

05:27And someone said,

05:28One Scott, my elderly neighbor's Naked Women Motorcycle Riders magazine.

05:32Amazing.

05:33So for years, we nicknamed him Easy Rider.

05:35Easy Rider!

05:37How are you?

05:38I want a subscription to that magazine.

05:39Is there a...

05:40Can we see it?

05:41Naked Women Motorcycle?

05:44It's just naked rods.

05:45That's kind of...

05:46That's like something from the 80s.

05:47It's so old school.

05:48That's like...

05:49It's so old school to have a naked motorcycle chick magazine.

05:53Like who's still doing that?

05:56No one?

05:58Any packages come for you guys?

06:02I've been waiting on a...

06:03Hey, Mr. Johnson.

06:04Yeah, I've been waiting on a delivery.

06:07Yeah, we got something.

06:08You did?

06:09Okay.

06:09Yeah.

06:10Was it like a...

06:10Was it like a magazine?

06:12It's a magazine.

06:13Yeah.

06:13Did you open it?

06:15Sure did, Mr. Johnson.

06:16You know about my...

06:17Hey, bud.

06:17You know about my secrets?

06:19There you go.

06:19I love naked ladies.

06:20I know you do.

06:21I know you do.

06:22I pop a couple of blues and then I just...

06:24I look at this for a couple of hours at a time.

06:28Two blues.

06:28I pop two blues.

06:30Get hard as a rock and then just...

06:32Red my own motorcycle engine.

06:33Yeah.

06:35Yikes.

06:35You don't want to get that either.

06:36All right.

06:37You don't want to get it.

06:38You don't want to get it.

06:39You don't want to get it.

06:40You don't want to get it.

06:41You don't want to get it.

06:42You don't want to get it.

06:43You don't want to get it.

06:44You don't want to get it.

06:45You don't want to get it.

06:46You don't want to get it.

06:47You don't want to get it.

06:48You don't want to get it.

06:49You don't want to get it.

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