An Oatmeal Woman

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak find out from a documentary that some women in prison make dildos out of oatmeal and imagine what it would be like if Andy made his own 'Oatmeal Woman'.

Transcript

00:00A woman did a new documentary on female prisoners, and she was shocked to discover the food items

00:14that female prisoners use to pleasure themselves with.

00:20Where did they get it?

00:22Well, from food.

00:24I guess from the, you know, when they go eat.

00:26Commissary?

00:26Yeah.

00:27So, she talks to one inmate called Leah here in this clip.

00:33Like, we're doing everything to stop it.

00:34It's very, very, very hard.

00:36It's very complicated.

00:37It is very complicated.

00:39Women have needs.

00:40Oh, yes.

00:41And they're, yeah, relationship driven.

00:43Are there dildos in here?

00:44Or is it just like oral?

00:46No, they do everything.

00:47You would be amazed.

00:49They make those.

00:50They make dildos?

00:51They make them, yes.

00:52Out of what?

00:52I think before they used oatmeal.

00:56Oatmeal?

00:57Yeah, and I think they cook it or something.

01:00One lady said that they would use hot dogs.

01:02So, you have to be careful, you know, with them bringing hot dogs back and putting them

01:06so.

01:06Oatmeal and hot dogs.

01:07They come up with some things.

01:09Hot dogs we've heard of.

01:10Oatmeal?

01:11How do you make a dildo out of oatmeal?

01:12Will it just get hard?

01:14I will say, have you ever, my kids will do this every once in a while.

01:18They'll make oatmeal.

01:19Then they won't eat it.

01:22And then they'll put it in my sink.

01:25And then when you encounter it later, especially if they don't use like a ton of water or a ton

01:31of milk in there or something like that, it's the hardest substance of all time after it dries out.

01:39So, it becomes like concrete.

01:40Like a papier-mâché type of thing where it just solidifies.

01:46So, what do they do?

01:47They shape it into a donger?

01:48They must fashion it into a donger like a dildo shape.

01:50But then you're going to have to put some kind of covering on it.

01:53Yeah.

01:54Maybe just plastic wrap?

01:55Because like sand it.

01:57Like oatmeal inside of you.

01:58It doesn't seem like the best choice.

02:00No.

02:00It would just flake off and everything, right?

02:02Yeah, you're right.

02:03Maybe wrap like saran wrap around it or something or cling wrap.

02:05Something.

02:06You know, something to keep it together.

02:09Yeah.

02:09I'm going to see what I can make today out of oatmeal.

02:12I have a ton of oatmeal.

02:14Chuck's Craft Corner will fire up later today.

02:17I'm going to look up oatmeal dildos to see if there's pictures of any online here.

02:21Sure.

02:21I believe we talked in the past, too, that they melt down Jolly Ranchers and form it into sexual objects.

02:25Oh, we've heard that, yeah.

02:28Oatmeal dildos.

02:29Give me a picture of it.

02:30No, there's no oatmeal dildos on record.

02:34Until today when I make mine and put it out on social media.

02:37Join Chuck's Craft Corner as he makes oatmeal dildos later this afternoon.

02:41I want the first one from my collection.

02:43Yeah.

02:43I'll, yeah.

02:45This is from the Chuck Oatmeal series.

02:48Yeah.

02:49I have to get some sandpaper up.

02:50I like your idea.

02:52It's going to be maple.

02:55Like maple and brown sugar.

02:57It'll smell great.

02:58Then you can do, here's the strawberry oatmeal.

02:59Here's the blueberry oatmeal.

03:01Oh, very similar, but also, yeah, just enough difference.

03:05Exactly.

03:05Finding music for Chuck's Craft Corner for the introduction.

03:09Hey, everybody.

03:10Welcome to TikTok.

03:12I'm making a dick out of a dildo.

03:15Or another.

03:15An oatmeal dick.

03:18That's right.

03:20That's today on Chuck's Craft Corner.

03:23Right after the show where people shower with their moms.

03:28Yeah.

03:29Oatmeal, I didn't see.

03:31I didn't see that one.

03:32No, like fashioning the amount of stuff.

03:34Yeah.

03:34Hey, listen, if anything, I know, hopefully none of us are ever that desperate.

03:38Yeah.

03:39No.

03:40No.

03:40I'll never make anything out of oatmeal.

03:42Don't go to prison.

03:43Yeah.

03:43Oatmeal.

03:45I tried to make an oatmeal woman.

03:48An oatmeal?

03:51It didn't work out.

03:52She fell apart in my arms.

03:53Oh, no.

03:54She fell apart right in my arms.

03:55She's gone.

03:56She's gone.

03:59I tried to make an oatmeal woman.

04:04Yeah.

04:05Oh, that's when you hit bottom, huh?

04:06That's when you hit bottom.

04:08She fell apart.

04:09Yep.

04:10I've used milk and water.

04:11Both.

04:12Apples and cinnamon.

04:13Apples and cinnamon, indeed.

04:15That's what you should call her.

04:16She had two apple eyes.

04:18I crushed her.

04:21I got on top of her and I crushed her.

04:23I tend to sweat when I have sex and I totally just blew her apart.

04:29Two weeks it took me to build her.

04:31She melted.

04:33I owe me a woman.

04:35What I love is she was a full woman when you first made her.

04:42Right.

04:42But then she slowly shipped away.

04:47Her legs off.

04:47But you still haven't given up hope on her.

04:49Stay with me.

04:50But then she finally disintegrates and then you scream like Tom Hanks.

04:54Oh, God, no!

04:56My only meal woman!

04:59Apple of infinity!

05:01I don't know what her name would be, but...

05:03Oprah!

05:07Oprah.

05:08Oprah.

05:09No, Oprah, no!

05:13Oh, man.

05:14I told you, you should have just built her just an ass.

05:20I know.

05:21I should have just...

05:21You were right.

05:22You can't build a whole...

05:23Oh, woman.

05:24You can't do it.

05:25I tried telling you.

05:27I'd miss the companionship.

05:29I know.

05:29She...

05:30She fell apart.

05:31It's crazy how you made her sitting down like that.

05:34All I had to put for her face was the Quaker Oats, man.

05:37I cut him off the package.

05:39Oh, man!

05:43Oh, woman!

05:44What's that?

05:45Oprah!

05:49What's that?

05:50What's that?

05:52Oh, man.

05:53That goes funny.

05:54Mm-hmm.

05:55Oh, well.

05:56I hope you don't ever have to resort to Oprah.

05:59My cream of wheat whore I tried to make, too.

06:01Oh, man.

06:03She was a mess.

06:04She was a real mess.

06:06Didn't solidify like you thought.

06:10I made a woman of beefaroni.

06:13God!

06:13That's the future.

06:16Yeah, what'd you make your woman out of?

06:19Raviolis.

06:20Oh, man.

06:22Smart.

06:23Real smart.

06:23You let them dry out.

06:24Yeah.

06:26Keep them in that shape.

06:29I bought a woman mold.

06:30Me?

06:30Oh, that's desperation done, right?

06:37It is, yeah.

06:37Bye.

06:38Bye.

06:39Bye.

06:40Bye.

06:41Bye.

06:42Bye.

06:43Bye.

06:44Bye.

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