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The Simpsons & The Freemason Conspiracy Theories
Cracked
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2/16/2025
From Michael Swaim's latest The Simpsons Taught Me video essay. #shorts #simpsons #funny #history #freemasons #thesimpsons #cartoon #youtubeshorts
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😹
Fun
Transcript
Display full video transcript
00:00
In other words, getting drunk and LARPing with your friends has always been popular,
00:04
and will always be popular.
00:06
But how do we get from all of that to the conspiracy theories that swirl around Freemasons?
00:13
Filthy germs, aren't they, Smithers?
00:15
Why, what do you mean, sir?
00:18
Freemasons run the country!
00:21
The New World Order theory, Skull and Bones Club, and concept of the Illuminati all stem
00:27
from accusations against the Freemasons, that have since mutated into tons of other theories
00:32
about whatever ethnicity you'd like to blame for all of your problems.
00:36
I picked Latvia!
00:37
Screw you, you Latvian puppet masters!
00:40
We shall never bow to the tyranny of the Crimson Bars!
00:43
First of all, everyone wants their own unique identity.
00:46
That's just human nature.
00:48
And to do so requires othering outgroups in order to differentiate your club from the
00:53
rest of the world.
00:54
A good way to make clubs split is just constant infighting over petty differences and flying
01:00
off the handle.
01:01
Well I wouldn't have become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking,
01:05
pungent knees and begged me!
01:08
I mean, sure, we all wish the Boy Scouts kept going into adulthood, but we also believe
01:14
different things about how life should be led, and what kinds of cool badges and sashes
01:19
or digital currencies we want to mint.
01:22
For example, the dominant hierarchy Freemasons currently honor is called the Scottish Rite.
01:27
Like a taekwondo class combined with a drinking game.
01:31
Which actually sounds pretty awesome.
01:33
The Rite has a full 33 color-coded ranks you can rise through, and is where we get the
01:39
motto Order From Chaos.
01:41
That's right, Thomas the Tank Engine did not invent that catchphrase, he just says
01:45
it a lot.
01:46
In these dreams I have.
01:47
Order from Chaos.
01:49
But the slow splintering of Freemasonry over the centuries isn't just about making your
01:53
own club with blackjack and hookers and no homers.
01:56
Sorry, not you Homer.
01:58
Why not?
02:00
But you let in Homer Glumplet.
02:02
It says no homers.
02:05
We're allowed to have one.
02:08
In fact, the mysticism around the club was a deliberate attempt by two of the other dominant
02:15
social clubs fighting for attention at this time in history.
02:18
The Catholic and Protestant churches.
02:21
See, Freemasonry, and the practice of a bunch of blue-collar workers gathering to talk shop,
02:27
was a threat to the social functions the church provided in most people's lives at the time.
02:32
Especially once Freemason lodges started to incorporate religious observation and Christian
02:37
sermons into their meetings.
02:38
Hey, did you hear about that new church where you drink and talk about bricks?
02:43
Pretty sweet.
Recommended
1:24
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