I Surprised Francis With An Invite To My Wedding

Barstool Sports

Dana B | Francis Tutors Dana Beers

Transcript

00:00Look at you.

00:01You want the surprise now or in the middle of the episode?

00:03Give me the surprise.

00:04It's exciting.

00:05I'm invited to your wedding?

00:06How'd you know?

00:09Are you for real?

00:10How'd you know?

00:11Oh my god.

00:12I'm actually so thrilled.

00:14Really?

00:15I'm so excited about this.

00:17How'd you know?

00:18I didn't know.

00:19That was a joke?

00:20It was a total guess.

00:21Yeah, you're invited.

00:22Oh my god.

00:23Yep.

00:24What an honor.

00:25I spent a lot of time with Francis.

00:26I enjoy him very much.

00:28This is such a lovely thing.

00:30There you go.

00:31I really appreciate it.

00:32I can't tell you how pleased I am.

00:34It's okay if you can't come.

00:36I'm worried I might be mowing the lawn that day.

00:40That's gonna be tough.

00:42Have I ever told you my mowing the lawn story?

00:44No.

00:45First time I ever came.

00:46This is a lovely...

00:47I'm sorry?

00:48First time I ever came.

00:49Ejaculated.

00:50Yes, from the vibrations of the thing.

00:53Were you mowing it with your...

00:54No.

00:55Were you pushing it with your penis?

00:56No, I was pushing it and it was...

00:58And that caught?

00:59Really?

01:00Yeah, first time.

01:01This is really lovely.

01:02Yeah.

01:03You had to wait for a lot of cancellations.

01:04No!

01:05We've had zero cancellations.

01:06I might be your first.

01:07Or in there.

01:08I would never.

01:09I would never.

01:10I've chosen a topic today that I think will actually be a very good...

01:14It's very apropos.

01:15Segway?

01:16Because weddings are a big drinking affair.

01:19Yeah.

01:20And you like to drink.

01:21Yeah.

01:23I, today, want to work with you on converting from cups, quarts, gallons...

01:31Oh, fuck, dude.

01:33And explaining our systems of measurement.

01:35Liters.

01:36We're going to worry about liquid right now, because you're a liquid guy.

01:38I'm such a liquid guy.

01:39You put a lot of liquid in your body.

01:41I'm not a money liquid guy, but I'm a liquid liquid guy.

01:44Yeah, you like liquids.

01:45I love liquids, dude.

01:46I do this thing in my stomach when I have too many liquids.

01:50Can you hear that?

01:51Yeah, well, I can see it.

01:53It's off-putting.

01:54Do you hear that?

01:55Yeah.

01:56It's like you're milking somebody.

01:58I think we took our system and developed it from the British,

02:02and their system is called the...

02:04Metric.

02:05Imperial system.

02:06Our base unit of liquid is the ounce.

02:13O-Z.

02:15Now we go from ounces to cups, and then you go from cups to what?

02:20What's next?

02:21I'll give you a hint.

02:22Milk.

02:23Gallon.

02:24No.

02:25Liter.

02:26Nope.

02:27You're going back.

02:28That's European.

02:29Half gallon.

02:30No.

02:31It is a half gallon, technically.

02:32It's a pretty common...

02:33Quart.

02:34There you go.

02:35Yeah, which is essentially a half gallon.

02:36No, it's not.

02:37Quarter gallon.

02:38Yeah, that's pretty obvious.

02:39For the record, though, what is a half gallon?

02:41Half a gallon.

02:42I mean...

02:43It's called a halfie.

02:44Halfie.

02:45If you want to go up even smaller, you can get into, like, tablespoon, teaspoon.

02:50You ever play the game where you and your boys take Viagra, and whoever gets a boner

02:55first loses?

02:56I haven't played that game.

02:58Well, I was in, like, seventh grade, so...

03:00How did you get your hands on Viagra in seventh grade?

03:02We were a little nutjobs back then.

03:04Okay.

03:05We just figured it out.

03:07I lost, by the way.

03:08I got a boner fast.

03:10Doesn't surprise me.

03:11We were just sitting in my buddy's living room.

03:13We just put on porn.

03:15Four of us were just sitting there waiting to get hard.

03:18You've never done that?

03:19No, man.

03:20It's a fun game.

03:21We played basketball.

03:23I mean, we also played basketball, but...

03:25With boners?

03:26We had hard dicks in our pants.

03:28That's weird.

03:29How many ounces in a cup?

03:30I don't know.

03:31It's eight.

03:32How many cups in a quart?

03:33Four.

03:36Correct.

03:37Yeah?

03:38Yeah, that's right.

03:39How many quarts in a gallon?

03:40Four.

03:41How many cups in a gallon?

03:42Sixteen.

03:43That is not that hard.

03:46No.

03:47Right?

03:49Right.

03:51Going from American system to metric system is hard.

03:57Those numbers are fucking weird.

03:59Centimeter, one one-hundredth of a meter.

04:03You ever seen a centipede?

04:04Yep.

04:05Fucking scary.

04:06Why do they call it a centipede?

04:07Because they're a centimeter long.

04:11I think it's because they have a hundred legs.

04:13Really?

04:14I think so.

04:15Jesus, fuck.

04:16I think it's because they're a centimeter long.

04:17No, right.

04:18That's a centipede, bro.

04:19That's way bigger than a centimeter.

04:22That really?

04:23A hundred percent.

04:24That's an inch.

04:25This is like my dick right now.

04:27I'm not even kidding.

04:28I had a feeling we were going there.

04:29My dick is inside of me.

04:31The pint.

04:32Pints of Guinness, mate.

04:33The pint is a uniquely Imperial and American measurement of liquid.

04:41Yes.

04:42A pint of beer in America is 16 ounces.

04:46The Imperial pint, it is bigger than the American pint.

04:5019.215 ounces is the Imperial pint.

04:53So it's 3.215 ounces bigger than the American pint.

04:56Okay.

05:00Okay.

05:01So all of this is just to say that if you order a pint in England, it's going to come

05:05out bigger than your pint here in America.

05:08If you were to order a beer in France, how are you specifying the type of size of beer

05:15that you want?

05:16I'm fucking pretty drunk right now.

05:18If you were to order a beer not in Germany, most bars in France, Belgium, whatever, you're

05:26going to probably either specify that you want a big beer, a regular sized beer, which

05:31is going to be half a liter.

05:34And that's close to our pint.

05:36It is.

05:37Wow.

05:38And then you can also do, I think they'll usually have the option to do a smaller beer,

05:42which is usually about a third of a liter.

05:46I would just like it on record.

05:48I don't want to hang out with anyone at a bar that orders a small beer.

05:52Hit the road, Jack.

05:53Hit the road, Jack.

05:54Don't come back.

05:56No mo, no mo, no mo, no mo.

05:58That's right.

05:59I'm teaching you this so that you can keep a little bit of a track of how much alcohol

06:04you've consumed in places that are foreign to you.

06:07I've never done that in my life.

06:08I had a feeling.

06:09You just go strictly off feel?

06:11Yeah, 100%.

06:12If I'm too drunk, I'll leave.

06:15Oh, I can't stand up, I'm going home.

06:18I like our American pint better.

06:20I think 16 ounces of beer to me is a nice amount.

06:24Have you ever seen those little twist-offs?

06:28Yeah.

06:29Those are 16, and I fuck heavy with those.

06:31You have those at sports games.

06:33They'll sell those a lot.

06:34Yeah, oh yeah.

06:35Yeah.

06:36Like, I would bury my casket in those.

06:38Okay.

06:40Bury you in a casket filled with Coors Light.

06:44And then pour it.

06:46Sure.

06:47That's our system of measurements for liquid with a little gentle conversion into the metric

06:53system in case you find yourself in Europe.

06:58Appreciate it, Frank.

06:59Happy drinking, brother.

07:00I'll see you at my wedding.

07:01Happy wedding!

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