- 5/12/2024
Once "SNL" decided to roast these politicians, they never stood a chance. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the funniest jokes on “SNL’s” "Weekend Update" about US politicians.
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NewsTranscript
00:00 Can I just ask you something? Do you like your job?
00:02 No, I do not.
00:03 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the funniest jokes on SNL's
00:09 weekend update about US politicians.
00:12 Former Governor Ronald Reagan spoke out against marijuana, abortion,
00:16 equal rights amendment, busing, and gun control legislation.
00:19 When asked what he was for, Reagan replied, quote, "Hair dye."
00:22 Number 10, President Biden's late touch.
00:26 Thank you.
00:26 How are you?
00:27 Good.
00:27 God bless you.
00:27 In 2021, during a conflict between Israel and Hamas, some political commentators credited Joe
00:32 Biden's late touch in dealing with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Instead of pressuring
00:37 Netanyahu for a ceasefire or publicly condemning the fighting, Biden privately asked him,
00:42 "How does this end?"
00:44 But in fairness, everything Biden does involves some kind of touch.
00:47 Even before the end of the war, Biden's late touch was a joke.
00:53 [LAUGHTER]
00:55 Even before this conflict, though, Biden was known for other late touches according to
00:59 Weekend Update anchor Michael Che. In 2019, for example, while he was running for president,
01:05 many women came forward about their discomfort with the excessively physical man.
01:09 In response, Biden issued a statement vowing to listen to women.
01:13 Still, does he need to stand so close?
01:15 You have one job, keep the guys away from your sister.
01:17 [LAUGHTER]
01:18 You're in trouble.
01:19 [LAUGHTER]
01:19 Number 9, 1983 Chicago Mayor's race.
01:22 "You know, I just wanted to get a few things off my chest tonight. I got a few things there to get
01:27 off. I want to tell you, these Academy Awards have really got me in a lather."
01:32 1983 marked a significant year in Chicago's political history. Harold Washington was
01:37 elected to be the city's first African-American mayor. It was also a significant year for the
01:41 Academy Awards, with some awards going to now-classic movies like Gandhi, Tootsie, and E.T.
01:47 But not everyone saw the merit in those films. Cast member Mary Gross appeared on SNL
01:52 Newsbreak to rail against the poor examples set by the nominees. She had some clever political quips,
01:58 which brings us back to The Mayor's Race. Although Black and White movies have been
02:02 in the same category as Color since 1968, Gross still saw the racial tensions in Chicago as the
02:08 best Black and White comedy of the year.
02:10 "Oh, hey, how about the Chicago Mayor's Race? Best comedy in Black and White.
02:14 [LAUGHTER]
02:15 Gonna get my drip, huh? Oh!"
02:17 Another jab came at the expense of George H.W. Bush, who was apparently the best animated cartoon
02:23 character of the year.
02:25 "Who should really get an award for the best animated cartoon character of George Bush, huh?"
02:29 8. Senator Gary Hart's affairs
02:32 "Have you ever committed adultery?"
02:34 "Uh, I do not know. I'm not going into a theological definition of what constitutes adultery."
02:40 In the spring of 1987, Senator Gary Hart was in the running to be the Democratic
02:44 presidential candidate. However, his chance of success was ruined when it turned out that
02:49 rumors of womanizing and harassment were true. The rumors went back all the way to 1972.
02:55 They made the public question Hart's integrity and trustworthiness.
02:58 Are we all just supposed to forgive and forget politicians' faults?
03:02 That's what Dana Carvey asked while impersonating Weekend Update anchor Dennis Miller.
03:06 "So Gary Hart wants back in the race. Yeah, right back. Yeah, this guy sleeps with every
03:11 dame on the planet. I'm supposed to forgive and forget."
03:14 The real Dennis Miller, meanwhile, didn't see the extramarital affairs as too bad.
03:19 It's just a shame that Hart threw away his chances on Donna Rice.
03:23 "I hate to think we got into World War III because this guy saw a cute chick in the Kremlin."
03:27 7. Thomas Jefferson and black women
03:31 "The statue of Thomas Jefferson in the city council chamber has been removed. The statue
03:36 was taken down from its pedestal earlier today."
03:39 Founding father and slaveholder Thomas Jefferson's reputation has been re-evaluated many times over
03:44 the years. The Thomas Jefferson Foundation did some DNA tests in 2000 and confirmed that he
03:50 fathered between one and six children with the enslaved Sally Hemings. In 2021, when Confederate
03:56 symbols were under particularly strong scrutiny by the public, a statue of Jefferson was removed
04:01 from New York City Hall.
04:03 "Some council members had objected to its presence because of Jefferson's history
04:07 as a slave owner."
04:08 But how did they manage to move a statue that had been there for 187 years?
04:14 Michael Che's solution was simple. Tell the man that there was a black woman outside.
04:18 "They were finally able to remove it by telling the statue there was a hot black lady outside."
04:23 6. Betsy DeVos is not good at her job
04:27 "Because this sounds like talking."
04:29 "No, there is a sense of urgency, indeed."
04:33 The secretary of education during most of the Trump administration was Betsy DeVos,
04:37 who was opposed from the beginning. Not being an educator or even heavily involved in public
04:42 education definitely did not help. From nomination to getting sworn in to following up a year into
04:48 her term, DeVos was under constant scrutiny. There was one specific interview on 60 Minutes
04:54 which set people against her.
04:56 "Do you think that teachers should have guns in the classroom?"
04:59 "That should be an option for states and communities to consider."
05:04 She emphasized the rights of parents to choose their children's schools,
05:07 but skirted around direct questions about topics such as past progress and teachers using guns.
05:13 Interviewer Leslie Stahl did not let DeVos off the hook,
05:16 leading to the secretary of education stumbling and not looking fit for the job.
05:20 "I'm not so sure how exactly that happened."
05:23 And Kate McKinnon's impersonation on Weekend Update really drove that home.
05:28 "You know, I think it's because I do not do a good job. And I can't because I don't know how."
05:36 Number 5. Draining the Swamp
05:38 "We have begun to drain the swamp of government corruption by imposing a five-year ban
05:45 on lobbying by executive branch officials."
05:49 One of the biggest and most repeated promises that Donald Trump made while running for president
05:53 in 2016 was that he would drain the swamp. He promised to get rid of private special
05:58 interests and lobbyists in the federal government. However, his team was mainly composed of lobbyists
06:04 and those with private interests, so maybe he wasn't the best spokesperson for the idea.
06:09 "And a lifetime ban on becoming lobbyists for a foreign government."
06:14 Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost pointed this out, calling attention to the likes of Newt Gingrich,
06:20 Ben Carson, Rudy Giuliani, and Chris Christie, and compared them to the lowly life forms found
06:25 in swamps. "Because even if you drain a swamp, it's still full of newts, a sleepy little turtle,
06:31 a hissing possum, and a pile of wet garbage."
06:36 Number 4. OJ Simpson Inspires President Clinton
06:41 "Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate."
06:46 Norm Macdonald's tenure on Weekend Update is perhaps best remembered for the constant jabs
06:50 at OJ Simpson. First Lady Hillary Clinton was also a common target. The U.S. public got a hint
06:56 of what trouble was to come when a woman sued President Bill Clinton for unwanted advances in
07:01 1991. The worlds of politics and sensational murder trials overlapped on January 24, 1995,
07:08 when President Clinton gave a State of the Union address and the opening
07:11 statements were made for OJ Simpson's trial.
07:14 "In fact, it was wrong." Macdonald took this opportunity to hilariously combine the separate
07:19 news into one story. He drew attention to Simpson's guilt and the unhappy lives of
07:24 the Clinton marriage in one swoop. "Even the president was distracted
07:28 during his speech, waiting to hear exactly how much it costs to kill your wife."
07:33 Number 3. President Trump Occasionally Acts Human
07:39 "You know, I'm surprised to see you. I didn't think we had anything to talk about."
07:44 "Oh, I think we do, Donald." Donald Trump has been a figure of
07:48 mockery for SNL writers since long before he ran for president. Not a particularly eloquent man,
07:54 it was easy to make fun of him. When it came time to give his first State of the Union address,
07:58 no one had very high hopes. So the fact that he pulled it off garnered widely positive reactions.
08:03 But Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost was not surprised at all, because the bar was so low
08:09 to begin with. "President Trump gave his first State of the Union address on Tuesday and received
08:14 mostly positive reviews. But that's only because we expect so little from Trump at this point,
08:18 that when he behaves even remotely human, we're all really impressed."
08:22 Jost said the address was about as impressive as seeing a rat take a shower,
08:27 since both show the rare sight of animals doing human activities.
08:31 "Oh, look, he's doing human stuff." Number 2. Faults in President George W. Bush,
08:37 Clinton, Nixon, and FDR. "Commerce, education, and the, uh, what's the third one there? Let's see."
08:45 When Texas Governor Rick Perry was still in the running for Republican presidential candidate in
08:49 2014, he skirted a question about his intelligence by saying that the presidency is not an IQ test.
08:56 Of course, Perry didn't need much outside help to prove he wasn't the brightest.
09:00 "And let's see. I can't. The third one, I can't. Sorry."
09:05 Weekend Update anchor Michael Che agreed that the presidency is not an IQ test,
09:09 showing a picture of George W. Bush as proof. Not one to shy away from pointing out other flaws,
09:15 he also roasted President Clinton for lying, Nixon for being unethical, and FDR for being
09:21 unable to walk. No one's perfect, and no one is free from ridicule.
09:25 "Or a foot race."
09:27 Before we unveil our top pick, here are some honorable mentions.
09:34 The Capitol Building Houses Criminals
09:37 Why do we need a new prison when all the criminals are already gathered in the Capitol?
09:41 "The federal government has announced plans to build a thousand-bed prison
09:44 in the District of Columbia. Why don't we just build it in the Capitol Building?
09:48 We can save money on transportation."
09:50 Mitch McConnell, seen here
09:53 It's just too believable that the Senate Minority Leader would smile at such heinous things.
09:57 "Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, seen here watching a child fall into the gorilla enclosure."
10:03 [laughter]
10:07 Reagan is vain
10:08 Because ragging on a conceded presidential candidate is just so much fun.
10:12 "Ronald Reagan stated today that he has been wrongfully maligned by the press
10:17 and the subject of libelous ridicule and gratuitous disrespect by television newsmen.
10:22 The washed-up 65-year-old ex-actor looks almost too pretty for a man his age."
10:27 A sick President Ford pardons Nixon
10:30 Because forgiving the Watergate scandal is not something you can do while in your right mind.
10:34 "After a mild cold of that sort, it will take the president a few days to recover his motor skills
10:39 fully, citing the period after his last cold when he tied his shoe to his hair blower
10:44 and inadvertently pardoned Richard Nixon."
10:46 George W. Bush is learning English
10:50 We'd all be impressed if Bush expanded his vocabulary.
10:53 "George W. Bush will make his first European trip as president,
10:57 visiting Prime Minister Tony Blair in London. Hoping to make a good impression,
11:01 Bush has spent the last week trying to learn a few English words."
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11:20 Number 1. Roasting the GOP
11:25 Donald Trump, who claims to be testing the waters for a presidential bid,
11:28 sparked controversy this week by demanding to see Barack Obama's birth certificate.
11:33 Even when Donald Trump was mainly a reality TV show host,
11:36 he still provided ample material for the SNL writers. Back in 2011, he demanded to see
11:42 President Obama's birth certificate and tested the waters for campaigning as a Republican candidate
11:47 himself. Though, if he loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of "his wife"?
11:53 Since he was hosting Celebrity Apprentice at this time, it was a great opportunity for
11:57 Weekend Update anchor Seth Meyers to make fun of both the GOP and the celebrity contestants.
12:02 "I know Trump thinks any publicity is good publicity,
12:05 the same way he apparently thinks any hair is good hair."
12:08 From comparing Rick Santorum's wild, questionable claims to those of Lil Jon,
12:14 to calling out both Trump and Dionne Warwick as bossy, entitled, and outdated,
12:18 Meyers struck gold with this joke.
12:20 "And finally, Donald Trump, you're bossy, you're entitled,
12:23 and you probably still listen to Burt Baccarat, you're Dionne Warwick, and you're fired.
12:27 Sorry, Dionne."
12:30 Did we miss any of your favorite political roasts from Weekend Update? Let us know in the comments.
12:36 "Trump is just appropriating Obama's success. It's no different than white
12:39 women taking credit for 'Yas, Queen.'"
12:41 Did you enjoy this video? Check out these other clips from WatchMojo.
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12:51 [MUSIC]
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