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Max and 99 go to London to investigate a modern-day Jack the Ripper, and meet yet another evil wax museum owner. The Title is a spoof of House of Wax.
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00:00The End
00:30Hello, Scotland Yard.
00:39Chief Inspector Sparrow speaking.
00:41I've had no sign of the American control agent I was supposed to meet.
00:46Are you sure he was given the correct directions?
00:51Hold on a minute. There's somebody coming. It may be he.
01:00There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover.
01:17That's not uncommon for this time of the year.
01:21A nightingale sang in Barclay Square.
01:25You don't find too many of them anymore since they removed the statues.
01:29Oh.
01:31Johnny Doughboy found a rose in Ireland.
01:35To each his own.
01:37Oh, now we're getting someplace. You must be Inspector Sparrow of Scotland Yard.
01:41Don't tell me you're Maxwell Smart of control.
01:44Of course I'm Maxwell Smart. Why do you think I've been giving you all those passwords?
01:47How come you didn't acknowledge them?
01:49We don't use old song titles as passwords anymore.
01:52You don't? What do you use?
01:54Lyrics from Beatles tunes.
01:57Yes. Well, Inspector, I understand that you're having a little trouble over here.
02:01That's putting it mildly.
02:03Mr. Smart, twelve people have been brutally murdered here in London.
02:07That's why we asked your government to send someone to help us.
02:10Well, you can put your mind at ease, Inspector.
02:13They've sent you their best man.
02:15By the way, Inspector, have you any clues as to the identity of the killer?
02:19Oh, we know who the killer is, Mr. Smart.
02:21It's Jack the Ripper.
02:23Jack the Ripper?
02:25Of course.
02:27Jack's little boy.
02:29Jack the Ripper Junior, the son of Jack the Ripper.
02:32No, Mr. Smart.
02:33Jack the Ripper Senior.
02:34The original Jack the Ripper.
02:36Inspector, are we talking about the same man?
02:38The man who terrorized London at the turn of the century?
02:41I know what you're thinking.
02:43How could he possibly be running around today?
02:45Obviously, on very old legs.
02:47The Ripper usually strikes when the city's heavy with fog.
02:51Therefore, I don't think you'll strike tonight.
02:54But then, again, one can never be too sure when dealing with a deranged killer.
02:59Yes.
03:00Well, Inspector, I suggest that we start and comb the city.
03:03Splendid.
03:04We'll start with Hyde Park.
03:05Oh, good.
03:06That'll give you a chance to meet my wife.
03:08Meet your wife?
03:09Yes, that's where she is.
03:10In Hyde Park?
03:11Yes.
03:12She wanted to take a little stroll in Hyde Park,
03:14and I thought that would be a good idea
03:15because I didn't want her to come with me.
03:17I thought it might be dangerous.
03:18Mr. Smart, you've placed her in the gravest possible danger.
03:21Eight women were murdered while strolling in Hyde Park.
03:24Oh, well, don't worry, Inspector.
03:26She has a gun.
03:27Thank heavens for that.
03:28Yes.
03:29As a matter of fact, I just had it fixed for her.
03:31You see, the firing pin was a little loopy.
03:45I hate her in Hyde Park.
04:10I don't know what you're doing, but I don't know what you're doing.
04:40I guess so. Who is he?
04:43You'll never believe me when I tell you who that is, 99.
04:46You'll think I'm crazy. You'll think I'm stark raving mad.
04:49In a million years, you'll never believe who that is.
04:52That's Jack the Ripper.
04:54Oh, so that's Jack the Ripper.
05:03Inspector Sparrow, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Maxwell Smart.
05:06How do you do, ma'am?
05:07I wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances.
05:10Yes, it is rather foggy tonight.
05:12Is this man really Jack the Ripper?
05:14Mrs. Smart, this is not a man.
05:16You mean this is Jacqueline the Ripper?
05:18It's neither a man nor a woman.
05:21It's not even a human being.
05:22What is it, then?
05:24A wax dummy.
05:40I hate you.
05:41It's never a man.
05:42It's still a man, but I can have a toy.
05:45It's not even a woman.
05:46A index of a man.
05:53This is獄.
05:54This isophobia.
06:02It's not even a woman.
06:03It's a man.
06:04It's a man.
06:05This is a girl.
06:05¶¶
06:35¶¶
07:05These men were picked up in the Hyde Park area.
07:08All of them have records.
07:10What do you think, Mr Smart?
07:10A man on the end with the mustache.
07:13Anyone with a face as evil as that
07:14had to have something to do with Jack the Ripper.
07:16Chaplain the angel said yeah...
07:17Yes, definite criminal type.
07:19That's my assistant, Sergeant Poole.
07:21He didn't happen to be a criminal before he became a sergeant, did he?
07:24I'm sorry, Inspector.
07:26I don't remember seeing any of these men in Hyde Park tonight.
07:28We must be positive, Mrs Smart.
07:30Now, take a long, hard look.
07:35Nope, their faces are absolutely unfamiliar.
07:45Of course, it was very foggy.
07:46Well, we may not have caught the proper fish in our net,
07:48but we did come up with something.
07:50A candle?
07:51Yes, the chap at the end, the one with the scar, had it on him.
07:53Sergeant Poole, dismiss the others, hold the man who had the candle.
07:56Well, at least we know one thing, it's pretty obvious.
08:09What's that, Max?
08:10Well, the man with the scar is definitely a candle maker.
08:13No, he's a pickpocket.
08:15Oh, a pickpocket who's a candle maker on the side.
08:19A pickpocket who doesn't believe in electricity.
08:22I could tell you one thing he does believe in.
08:24That preposterous code all criminals have are refusing to talk.
08:28Getting information out of these devils is like pulling teeth.
08:31I wish Harold Feinberg were here.
08:33Who's Harold Feinberg?
08:34My dentist.
08:37It'd take more than a dentist to get information out of him, Mr. Smart.
08:41I wonder if the methods we use at Control would work here.
08:45I'd like to give it a crack, Inspector.
08:47Well, I think you're wasting your time, but go ahead.
08:50Will you be all right, 99?
08:52Oh, I'll be fine, Max.
08:53We're in Scotland Yard.
08:55Oh, good.
08:56Long John Silver.
09:23He does great impressions.
09:28Name?
09:31I asked you your name, fella.
09:34I said, what is your name?
09:39My name's Maxwell Smart.
09:41Mr. Smart.
09:42His name is Wiggs.
09:55Huh?
09:56Wiggs.
09:57Wiggs, yes.
09:57I suspected as much.
09:58All right, Wiggs, start talking.
10:18You saw how easily I was able to obtain your name.
10:21Now, I can just as easily go back over there and get your address and your phone number.
10:25I can keep this up as long as you can.
10:29Look here, Wiggs.
10:30Refusing to cooperate with us would seem foolhardy at best.
10:34You know as well as I do, there are a number of petty crimes we can attribute to your somewhat dubious talents.
10:41Therefore, cooperating with us would seem most wise.
10:43The inspector's right, Wiggs.
10:45If you don't talk now, it'll be much worse for you later on.
10:48All right.
10:49What do you want to know?
10:51That's better.
10:52All right, Smigs.
10:54This candle, which was found in your possession when you were taken into custody, is made of wax.
11:02Now, don't deny that.
11:03Deny what?
11:04That the ruddy thing's made of wax?
11:06It had better be.
11:08That's why I pinched it.
11:10I see.
11:11So I pinched me a candle.
11:14Yes, but why did you pinch it?
11:16Why did I pinch it?
11:18Because they turned the bleating lights out in me digs.
11:22That's why.
11:24Digs, Mr. Smart, is the flat where Wiggs resides.
11:27Huh.
11:28You can call it a flat.
11:29That ain't what I call it.
11:31All right, digs.
11:32Let's get on with it.
11:33I submit that your whole story is a concoction of fabrications, out-and-out lies, half-truths, and fibs.
11:44I also submit that this candle was not only taken from Jack the Ripper, but that this candle and Jack the Ripper are both made of wax.
11:57I did it.
11:59Did what?
11:59You name it, I did it.
12:01But I'll confess to anything, so long as I don't have to listen to him.
12:06Ha!
12:10Ha!
12:14Ha!
12:17Ha!
12:18Ha!
12:19Ha!
12:20Ha!
12:21Ha!
12:21Ah, Chief Inspector Sparrow, come in, come in.
12:38Good morning, Mr. Smart.
12:40I don't suppose you and Mrs. Smart got much sleep
12:42after last night's harrowing experience?
12:45Oh, terrible.
12:47Terrible?
12:47One of the worst nights, tossing, turning, squirming.
12:51Screaming for help.
12:52Poor Mrs. Smart.
12:54No, that was me. My wife slept like a log.
12:56Good morning, Inspector.
12:58We were just going to have some tea. Won't you join us?
13:00Oh, that's very kind of you.
13:01Oh, that's okay. It came with the room.
13:04I thought this might interest you both.
13:07It's the medical officer's report on our friend from last night.
13:11Of course, it's too early yet for a complete autopsy, but...
13:15Mr. Smart, I think you'll find you can't get more than a cup of tea
13:19into a cup of tea.
13:19Yes, well, we have plenty.
13:22I'll take care of it, love.
13:24This report substantiates the fact that Jack the Ripper was made of wax.
13:29That sounds so incredible.
13:31Especially when you consider that a wax figure committed 12 murders.
13:35Especially when you consider that.
13:38What do you think, Mr. Smart?
13:39Well, Inspector, I have two questions.
13:43One, how do you explain the fact that a man made of wax could commit 12 murders?
13:50And two, would you like a cookie?
13:52No.
13:53No to what?
13:54That you can't explain how a man made of wax could commit 12 murders,
13:58or that you don't want a cookie?
14:00No to both.
14:01Good.
14:02Because we don't have any cookies.
14:07However, we did find out one thing.
14:09We ran a check on the three wax museums here in London
14:12and came up with a singular discovery.
14:14Two of the museums have a Jack the Ripper in their collection.
14:17The third one does not.
14:18Now, I'd like you both to pose as American tourists
14:22and pay a visit to that third museum.
14:25Find out what you can learn.
14:26And what's the name of the museum?
14:28Duval's Cave of Wax.
14:38It's a somewhat unorthodox establishment specializing in the grotesque.
14:48Why Raoul Duval gave up a brilliant career as a scientist
14:55to turn to this line of work remains a mystery.
15:04Be that as it may, his contemporaries agree
15:06that he possesses a genius for wax recreations.
15:13Unfortunately, for some time now,
15:15he's had an infatuation for the macabre.
15:18And more than one onlooker
15:28has been shocked out of his or her wits.
15:43Forgive me, madame.
15:45Forgive me, monsieur.
15:45I didn't mean to frighten you.
15:47But every day, I must have my little jest
15:49with the people who are kind enough
15:50to visit my cavern of the living dead.
15:52Well, then you must be Raoul Raoul.
15:55I...
15:56Raoul Raoul...
15:56Raoul...
15:57Vervolu.
15:58You must be the genius responsible for all this.
16:01I am the genius, yes.
16:02But my name is Raoul Duval.
16:04Well, what did I say?
16:05I do not dare attempt it, monsieur.
16:07It could destroy my speech pattern for months.
16:09Allow me to be your guide.
16:17This is one of my pride and joys.
16:19It's amazing how lifelike they look.
16:22Hitler and Tojo, eh?
16:24Oui, monsieur.
16:25There are those who say the Hitler figure is my best work.
16:28Some time ago, it disappeared and was missing for a year.
16:32It finally turned up in another wax museum.
16:34Here in London?
16:35No, in Argentina.
16:38And now, here.
16:42Oh, they must be a big favorite.
16:45Yes.
16:46They never fail to elicit oohs and ahs.
16:50Pardon me.
16:53This one looks so darn real,
16:55you almost expect him to reach out and touch you.
16:57It was rumored he did.
17:00A little boy was making a rather large nuisance of himself.
17:04And he supposedly booted him in the derriere.
17:08You're a very talented man, monsieur Duval.
17:10Merci beaucoup, madame.
17:12I have a thought.
17:14Perhaps you would be interested in seeing my waxworks,
17:18where I create the figures to see around you?
17:21Oh, may we?
17:22I do not usually extend this invitation to my customers,
17:26but because I feel you, you understand and appreciate my work.
17:32Entrez, s'il vous plaît.
17:34I think you'll find this very interesting.
17:41How do you like it?
17:56Very impressive.
18:05So this is where you'll make your wax.
18:08I would not lean too far over the railing, monsieur.
18:11The boiling wax is well over 400 degrees.
18:16400 degrees?
18:18I had an apprentice once.
18:20He leaned over too far and fell into the vat.
18:24In seconds, he was encased in wax.
18:30How terrible.
18:32Did you call a doctor?
18:33Oh, it was too late for a doctor.
18:36Well, what did you do?
18:36Oh, we sold him to a department store.
18:45There.
18:46You see?
18:46Well, thank you very much, monsieur de Valle.
19:02That was a very enlightening experience.
19:04Don't you think so, Max?
19:05Huh?
19:05Oh, yes.
19:06I loved every moment of it.
19:08Well, I hope this is not the last time you will honor me with your presents.
19:12Something wrong?
19:15That tableau that you were standing in when you played your little trick on us,
19:19where's the figure that was supposed to be in there?
19:21You're most observant, madame.
19:23The key character in this particular tableau required extensive renovation.
19:29Yes.
19:29Well, unless I miss my guess, that figure would have been...
19:33Jack the Ripper?
19:35Why do you say that?
19:36Well, a solitary woman in the dead of night with a look of power on her face.
19:40Who else could have caused that reaction?
19:42Except Jack the Ripper.
19:43The werewolf of London, Count Dracula, Bluebeard, Frankenstein's monster...
19:49I mean, besides them.
19:51But you happen to be correct.
19:54This place of honor was occupied by the infamous Jack the Ripper.
19:59Well, thank you very much again.
20:01The pleasure was all mine, madame.
20:04Oh, I don't believe you told me your name.
20:06I'm Maxwell Smart, and this is my wife, Mrs. Maxwell Smart.
20:10And where are you staying while in London, Mr. Smart?
20:13At the Royal, uh...
20:15The Royal Park Hotel.
20:16The Royal Park Hotel.
20:17Oh, yes, I know it well.
20:19Well, bonjour, monsieur Dal.
20:20Bonjour.
20:21Bonjour, and a good day to you, sir.
20:23Come on, 99.
20:24Who was that?
20:38I'm not sure, but they were a little too observant and nosy to suit me.
20:41It seems to me I've seen them somewhere before.
20:45Oh?
20:48Does the name Maxwell Smart mean anything to you?
20:51Smart, smart.
20:54But, of course, they're control agents.
20:57I have their pictures in my file at Chaos.
21:00And their presence here can only mean they are unto us.
21:03Not necessarily, monsieur Auerbach.
21:06Oh, suspicious they are, I grant you.
21:08But aware of what we are doing, I think not.
21:11Who do you give life to this time?
21:12Another occupant in the chamber of Horace.
21:14Lock the door.
21:26It is done.
21:27Good.
21:28Excellent.
21:29Tell me, Duval, what would happen if you injected a human with that serum?
21:34Instant death.
21:36Strange, is it not?
21:37To a human being it brings death.
21:39To a wax figure it gives life.
21:42For 12 hours, this loathsome creature will roam London,
21:46his wax body breathing life,
21:48his mind obeying my every command.
21:51Listen closely, my friend.
21:52You will immediately proceed to the Royal Park Hotel
21:55to relocate Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart.
21:59Then you will kill them.
22:01Now go.
22:01Go and kill.
22:07And don't come home late.
22:11You know how I worry.
22:12There's no doubt about it, 99.
22:37Professor Duval is our man.
22:38But how can you be so sure, Max?
22:40Well, it's really quite simple.
22:42Instinct, logic, and a lack of suspects.
22:46Max, aren't you awfully warm?
22:47Hmm?
22:48Uh, yes.
22:50Well, I'll just open the French windows.
22:53Duval did admit that a Jack the Ripper was missing from his wax museum.
22:57But we can't prove anything until we figure out how we can bring a wax figure to life.
23:02Yes.
23:02Well, if Professor Duval can do that, he'll go down in history.
23:05Or at least in the wax fruit business.
23:10I'll get it.
23:19Good evening, Mrs. Smart.
23:21Good evening, Inspector.
23:23Max, the inspector's...
23:24Good evening, Mrs. Smart.
23:54Good evening, Mrs. Smart.
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