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The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:45If you just sign this one there, sir, if you would.
00:49And if you'd sign this one for me, sir, then I'll fill it in for you and you won't have to bother about it any further.
00:54Thank you, Gunnar, Gunnar...
00:56Graham, sir.
00:57Oh, Graham, yes.
00:58I must say, you've been a great help in the office, hasn't he, Ashford?
01:01Oh, absolutely. First class, sir.
01:02What is it, Charwell?
01:04It is ten o'clock, sir, so I'm bringing your elevances.
01:08Here it goes to Orpley.
01:10And Bombardier Bowman and Concert Party are ready to show a new song that is to go into show tonight.
01:15Oh, which one is that, Ashford?
01:16It's the wedding of the painted doll, sir.
01:18They're all toy soldiers and Bombardier Bowman is the bride.
01:21He dresses up as a girl.
01:22Yes, brides usually do.
01:25Tell the Sarge Major to get the ball rolling, will you?
01:27Certainly, Colonel, sir.
01:28You'd better go and get ready.
01:29Shut up!
01:30Shut up!
01:32What do you want, Charwell?
01:33Colonel, sir, want to see Concert Party perform their latest poofery.
01:37Right.
01:39Bombardier Bowman!
01:40Are you standing by?
01:42Ready when you are, Sarge Major.
01:48Permission to carry on, sir.
01:50Oh, figure, sir, ma'am.
01:51Concert Party begin!
01:57It's a holiday.
01:59Today's the wedding of the painted doll.
02:03It's a jolly day.
02:05The news is spreading around the hall.
02:07The soldier boys are all in town.
02:12They're marching up, they're marching down.
02:15From far and near, they're coming here.
02:18Church bells ring.
02:20Here's the little doll.
02:22Here's the little doll.
02:22Here's the little doll.
02:23Here's the little doll.
02:24Here's my little cheeks.
02:27Little mama doll.
02:28It's fast around for weeks and weeks.
02:33To the blues.
02:34No time to lose.
02:36Rice and shoes will spread the news.
02:39That it's a holiday.
02:41Today's the wedding of the little painted doll.
02:44Here comes the bridegroom.
02:48Look at his messy faces.
02:49Showing the wealthy faces.
02:51Look at me as he smiles.
02:53All sorrow away.
02:57He meets the bride now.
03:01Look at the little cutie.
03:02Look at the little beauty.
03:04Look at the little doll.
03:05It's my wedding day.
03:10Here's the preacher man.
03:12Oh, look.
03:13As he takes his little black book.
03:16He is sure he knows his stuff.
03:19Cause he's done it often enough.
03:35Here's the little doll.
03:43Lift on the poll.
03:45Is with her painted cheeks.
03:47Little mama doll.
03:49Has fussed around for weeks and weeks.
03:54To the blues.
03:55No time to lose.
03:57Rice and shoes will spread the news.
03:59That it's a holiday.
04:01Today's the wedding of the little painted doll.
04:05Well, it's really rather good, eh, Ashwin?
04:15Absolutely first class.
04:16Absolutely first class.
04:17What did you think, Sergeant Major?
04:18I thought it was disgraceful, sir.
04:21Show business isn't exactly your forte, is it, Sergeant Major?
04:24My objection has nothing to do with show business, sir.
04:26They is doing drill.
04:28Even poofy toy soldier chorus boys
04:30should have some respect for military tradition.
04:33They is slummokey, sir.
04:34Yes, you're absolutely right.
04:36The drill was slummokey.
04:38Don't you agree, Ashwin?
04:39I was just about to say the very same thing, sir.
04:41Slummokey.
04:42No, we can't let it go on like that, sir.
04:43Disgrace for the royal artillery.
04:44Yes, it is a disgrace.
04:46What shall we do?
04:47Let me polish him up, sir.
04:49What an excellent idea.
04:50Isn't that an excellent idea, Ashwin?
04:51Absolutely excellent, sir.
04:52Well, go ahead, Sergeant Major.
04:54Come on.
04:55Right, now, probably.
04:56Let me move you, sir.
04:57Move you, sir.
04:57Come on, come on, come on, come on.
04:58Stand from the knees.
04:59Stand from the knees.
05:00Stand still.
05:01Go on, time.
05:02Tell the knife.
05:02Go on, time.
05:03Tell the knife.
05:03Go on, time.
05:05Now, lovely boys,
05:06we's going to do that drill
05:07until it is smart, smart, smart.
05:08Do you understand?
05:10Now, give us up.
05:11Tea is now ready and hot
05:12and most lovely.
05:13Go away.
05:15Sergeant Major,
05:15may we have our tea break
05:17before we do the drill?
05:18No, you may not.
05:19You will have your tea break
05:20when you are really smart, smart, smart,
05:22which, judging by your usual standards,
05:24will be never, never, never.
05:25Now, when you go into that routine,
05:26I want to see them arms
05:27coming up parallel to the ground,
05:28thumbs to the front
05:29and fingers lightly cletched.
05:31But, Sergeant Major,
05:32that's not the step.
05:35You mean that's not the step.
05:37The British army march like that
05:38for a hundred years.
05:39But they're toy soldiers
05:40going to a wedding.
05:41Shut up.
05:42Right, he put it all yourself
05:44and what you said,
05:44do not keep me waiting.
05:46Excuse me, Sergeant Major.
05:47Do you want me to vocalise?
05:49Do you want me to vocalise?
05:52No, Mr. Lardy-Lard,
05:53I've got a graham.
05:54I just want to assure
05:55that audible university voice of yours.
05:57I want you to play.
06:00One, two, three.
06:06One, two, three.
06:10Come on, boy.
06:12Two, one, two, three.
06:14Two hours.
06:20Two hours.
06:22Two hours.
06:23He had us out there dancing in the sun.
06:25The routine's ruined.
06:27It's in shreds.
06:29So are my feet.
06:30It's bad enough when he takes us for PT and jungle training
06:34and then shoves us out on fire picket and on guard.
06:38But when he starts on the show...
06:39Well, you can imagine how I feel.
06:41I mean, I've put up with this war business
06:43because when it came to the entertainment,
06:45I had total artistic freedom.
06:47I mean, now we have this.
06:48We should do him in.
06:50We can't kill him.
06:51We'll get into trouble.
06:52Not if we found a secret poison.
06:57Aye.
06:58They've got secret poisons in the jungle.
07:00Um, kurari.
07:02That's the stuff.
07:03The natives put it on the ends of their darts in their blowpipes.
07:05Hey, Jaiwala.
07:07Do you mind where there's a kurari tree around about here?
07:10No atlasab.
07:11No kurari tree.
07:12But we have kaskara tree.
07:13That's not quite what we're looking for, I'm afraid.
07:18We want to put kurari in the Sergeant Major's tea
07:20so we'll get rid of him forever.
07:23If we put kaskara in his tea,
07:25he'll be off for a couple of hours.
07:28Well, er, how about ground glass, then?
07:31Aye.
07:32We could get ground glass.
07:33I ate some ground glass once.
07:35In a birthday cake my grandma made for me.
07:37I'm still here.
07:39Didn't you notice when you were eating it?
07:41Course I noticed.
07:42Never thought anything of it.
07:44He's never much of a cook.
07:46I think I have the glimmerings of an idea.
07:49Quiet, everybody.
07:50The brain's at work.
07:52Well, when I was sorting through the papers
07:54in the office the other day,
07:55I came across this signal from Div HQ.
07:58It said, in effect,
07:59that the commanding officers should, er,
08:01should comb through their lists of, er,
08:03warrant officers and senior NCOs
08:06with a view to recommending them
08:08for an accelerated commission
08:09to the rank of lieutenant.
08:11Thanks, man.
08:12So?
08:14Well, if we could get old Shut Up
08:15to apply for a commission,
08:16we might get rid of him.
08:18Shut Up as an officer?
08:20No.
08:20No, no, no, no.
08:21You're quite right.
08:22Forget it.
08:23Nobody in their right minds
08:24would ever dream of making
08:25an awful common man like him
08:27into an officer.
08:28Just a minute, Paderewski.
08:30What's all this about common?
08:32God, I'm sick and tired of you going on
08:34about everybody else being common.
08:36Just because you talk all la-dee-da.
08:38I was referring to Shut Up.
08:39Aye, but you were looking at us.
08:42What right have you to say
08:43who's common and who isn't it?
08:45You think we're all common, don't you?
08:47Well, I've got quite enough
08:48to put up with being short
08:49without you looking down your nose at me
08:51because I'm common.
08:52Well, I'll tell you this.
08:53I'd rather be common with hair
08:55than posh and bald.
08:58I'd rather be common with hair.
09:00And I'd rather be short
09:01and common with hair.
09:03And I'd rather be good-looking
09:04and common with hair.
09:05Well, I don't agree.
09:07I would mind being bored
09:08if I could be posh.
09:09It's a small price to pay.
09:11We're getting away from the point.
09:13It doesn't matter what we think
09:14about Shut Up.
09:15It's what they think over there
09:16that matters.
09:17Precisely.
09:17And if there's the slightest chance
09:18that he might get through,
09:19we ought to take it.
09:20What do you think?
09:21Aye.
09:21Well, the thing is,
09:23how do we make him apply?
09:25Well, can't you have
09:26a little chat with him?
09:27Let's face it,
09:28because I went to university,
09:29he hates me more than any of us.
09:31Well, he sometimes talks to me
09:32at night when I'm on guard duty.
09:33Well, that's it then.
09:35When you're on stand tonight,
09:36have a little chat with him.
09:37See if you can drop a few hints.
09:39You know, sort of man-to-man.
09:44It's going to be very difficult.
09:45Over here.
10:11Hey!
10:11Everything all right?
10:16Yes, Sergeant Major.
10:18Nobody about.
10:19All the lads are asleep.
10:21Just us.
10:25Not like that time when the Japanese
10:26was only half a mile away, hmm?
10:28I kept you on your toes, didn't it?
10:30I didn't care for that very much.
10:33Well, that's what soldiering's all about, boy.
10:36Danger.
10:37Keeping one jump ahead of the enemy,
10:39because you'll know it's either him
10:40or you.
10:42It must have been marvellous
10:45and a good soldier.
10:47It'd be like that sort of thing.
10:50Something you were born to, I suppose.
10:53I mean, I remember I was only that big, you know.
10:55I was always the little warrior.
10:58I used to play Indians and pale-faces
11:00with my sister.
11:03I was always the Indian, of course.
11:05She was the pale-face.
11:07Used to track her through the bushes, you know.
11:09And if I caught her, I'd tie her up,
11:14light a fire under her.
11:20She was a good little sport.
11:24God rest her soul.
11:29With me, it was films.
11:32Everything was films.
11:34I used to make little paper skirts
11:36for my toy soldiers.
11:39And I called them the Goldwing Girls.
11:44Yes.
11:47With me, it was always soldiering, though.
11:49Soon as I was old enough, I'd joined up.
11:52Sergeant Major?
11:53Mm-hmm.
11:54Have you ever thought of becoming an officer?
11:58Me?
11:58An officer?
11:59No, boy.
12:00I'm not the type.
12:01I wouldn't be too sure.
12:02I mean, you don't have to talk posh
12:04and la-de-da nowadays.
12:05I mean, they didn't even talk posh in history.
12:08I mean, look at Napoleon.
12:10He was just a common, ordinary little man.
12:13He was in films, wasn't he?
12:18With Greta Garbo.
12:20I mean, she liked him.
12:21I mean, whatever his background.
12:25And then there was Hitler.
12:27He was common as dirt.
12:30And, of course, there was Alexander the Great.
12:34He wasn't common, was he?
12:38I come to think that I don't think he was.
12:40Not only that, Bombardier,
12:41I think he was, uh,
12:43one of them, you know.
12:48Well, maybe that wasn't such a good example.
12:52Good general, mate.
12:53Oh, you're a very good general.
12:55For a poof.
12:58Yeah, but he was ever so sort of fearless with it.
13:02But as for me being an officer, boy,
13:03no, I don't think it's my cup of tea, you know.
13:06Well, think of all the advantages.
13:07I mean, you get, um,
13:09a bit of pay,
13:10a bit of uniforms.
13:11A bit of food,
13:13uh, officers' clubs,
13:14swimming pools.
13:15And, of course, uh,
13:17you score a bigger hit with the girls.
13:22There is that, I suppose.
13:24Of course, there's the, uh,
13:25biggest advantage of all.
13:28What's that?
13:29You'll be rid of us forever.
13:33Why don't you put an application in?
13:37I'll think about it.
13:41I must say, it's a bit of a facer, sir.
13:46Hmm.
13:47I can't think what's possessed the man.
13:49We can't possibly put him forward.
13:51I mean, the whole idea of him being an officer is a complete farce.
13:54Hmm.
13:54On the other hand, we can't block it, Ashford.
13:56It's not like the old days.
13:57We've got this chap, Attlee, in charge now.
14:00If we lose him, I mean,
14:02who's going to do all that shouting
14:03and keeping the chaps up to scratch
14:05and waking them up in the mornings
14:07and, uh, inspecting their socks?
14:09Hmm.
14:09The ideal thing would be
14:11for him to withdraw the application himself.
14:14I tell you what,
14:15suppose we invite him to a mess dinner
14:16and also invite the Brigadier General Staff.
14:19I mean, he won't know how to behave,
14:21he'll be thoroughly embarrassed
14:21and see for himself the absurdity of the whole thing.
14:24Of course,
14:25he'd be a complete fish out of water, wouldn't he?
14:27Hmm.
14:27I say, it's jolly devious, sir.
14:30Well, you know,
14:31sometimes in life one has to be cruel to be kind.
14:43Just look at them.
14:45Have you ever seen anything like it?
14:48Here we are,
14:50fighting the Japanese for every existence
14:52and they're having a dinner party.
14:55Now they were at the Savoy.
14:56I haven't seen you doing much fighting lately, Petal.
15:00It's awfully good, Jawaharl.
15:02Sub,
15:03it is all according to the Mrs. Beaton,
15:05which is belonging to my uncle's mother,
15:08who is damned old snub.
15:10What we need now is a centrepiece.
15:13Oh.
15:14I say, that's awfully good, Ashford.
15:16It's your tooth glass, actually, sir.
15:19Well, we're off to the RAF to borrow some wine.
15:22Yes, sub.
15:23What about the food?
15:24Well, I had a word with the mess sergeant at Div
15:25and he's sending the whole thing along
15:27in hayboxes at about $2,200.
15:29I say, that's a good whiz.
15:30Well, we can't expect the brigadier
15:31to eat the muck we could hear.
15:33Oh!
15:34We'll carry on, son, madam.
15:35Top!
15:36We'd better start rehearsing,
15:37otherwise he'll have us whitewash
15:38in the jungle again.
15:39Thank you, my pal, Roosky.
15:41Let's take him to the top.
15:42All right, fellas.
15:43Second number.
15:44Right.
15:44My boys!
15:46You're, er...
15:46getting your noses back to the grindstone,
15:49do you?
15:49Yes, Sergeant Major.
15:50Just polishing.
15:51Yeah, well, just before you start,
15:53you don't happen to have such a thing
15:55as a black tie, do you?
15:57Whatever for?
15:58You're going to a funeral?
16:00Not exactly.
16:01It's this commission thing, see?
16:03Only...
16:03Well, the Colonel's inviting me to dinner,
16:05like, and on the invitation by here
16:06it says, er, I've got to have a black tie.
16:08Well, actually,
16:09when they put black tie on an invitation,
16:11Sergeant Major,
16:12it means they want you to wear a dinner jacket.
16:15Dinner jacket?
16:16I'm not one of them.
16:17Don't worry.
16:18We can fix you up.
16:19You can use my Eddie Cantor jacket
16:21and, er, parky ventriloquist trousers.
16:23Look, I've got right monkey in that lot.
16:25No, I think I'll chuck the whole idea.
16:27No, no, you mustn't do that.
16:29You look marvellous, I promise.
16:30Well, it's not only the looks, you know.
16:32I mean,
16:33I never knows how to carry on
16:34in that sort of duel, like,
16:35I mean,
16:36well, there's lots of nice and forks,
16:37and I've only ever had one of each.
16:40There's nothing to it.
16:42I could teach you.
16:42Five minutes.
16:43Tables already?
16:44Sergeant Major, sir.
16:45Officers will not be back
16:47till sun goes down.
16:48They have gone to see
16:49the Brill Cream Boys.
16:51Come on, Sergeant Major.
16:53It'd be like rehearsing a scene.
16:54No, no, it's a daft idea.
16:56I shouldn't have applied.
16:57I mean, to be one of them,
16:57you've got to be born right,
16:58know what I mean?
16:59Oh, come on.
17:00You can't give up.
17:00Not now.
17:01The fault, dear Brutus,
17:03lies not in our stars,
17:05but in ourselves,
17:06that we are underlings.
17:07What do you want about?
17:14Shakespeare said that.
17:16Did he?
17:17Yeah.
17:18And he was ever such a common little man.
17:20Worthy Paderewski.
17:22Um, what?
17:22Yes.
17:23Oh, come on.
17:23Let's have a go, eh?
17:24All right, then.
17:25Come on.
17:26Over here, fellas.
17:27Yeah, excuse me.
17:28Right, um,
17:28Lofty,
17:29you're over here.
17:30You'll be the Brigadier, right?
17:31And, uh,
17:31you, Parky,
17:32you're there.
17:33You'll be the Colonel.
17:33And, uh,
17:34oh,
17:34Nubbie, sweetheart.
17:35Over there.
17:36You'll be Captain Ashwood.
17:38Very nice.
17:40Let's go.
17:42Ah!
17:43You mustn't sit before the others.
17:45What's my?
17:46Oh, there you are.
17:47See, I messed it up before I started.
17:48It's no use.
17:49You've got to carry on.
17:49You've got to keep on trying.
17:50Aye,
17:51like Robert the Bruce.
17:53Hey, I remember him.
17:54He kept on, didn't he?
17:55Yeah, he tried and tried again.
17:57Aye,
17:57but was he an ordinary man?
17:58He was a king.
17:59Yeah, well,
18:01kings were very common in those days.
18:03All you've got to do
18:04is to wait until your host,
18:05in this case the Colonel,
18:06gives the signal.
18:07Well,
18:07he'll probably say something like,
18:09uh,
18:09do sit down,
18:10Brigadier.
18:11Try that.
18:12Go on, Parky.
18:13Do sit down,
18:14Brigadier.
18:15Thanks very much.
18:16Brigadier sits,
18:17then the Colonel,
18:18then Ashwood,
18:19and then you.
18:23It's lovely weather
18:24we have been having,
18:25don't you think?
18:29What was that?
18:32I was making conversation.
18:34We're not doing conversation.
18:36We're doing sitting and eating.
18:38Conversation comes later.
18:40All right,
18:41char,
18:41well,
18:41bring the soup.
18:42At least you help him.
18:43We haven't got any soup.
18:45Improvise.
18:45Use char.
18:46You can pretend it's soup.
18:47It's soup.
18:48I know which one for that.
18:48It's that one,
18:49isn't it?
18:49At least I got something right.
18:50Well,
18:50you've got it right,
18:51Sarge Major,
18:51but you're a little bit early.
18:52The next thing is the table napkin.
18:54There you are.
18:56I know I won't do it.
18:57I'll make a fool of myself for sure.
18:58You won't.
18:59You're doing fine.
19:00Oops.
19:00What you want to do
19:01is take the first letter
19:03of each thing you've got to remember
19:04and make a simple code word.
19:06No, no, no.
19:07There's no need for all that.
19:08You've only got,
19:09er,
19:09six things to remember.
19:11Now,
19:11sit,
19:12table napkin,
19:14soup,
19:14fish,
19:15meat,
19:15and, er...
19:16Pudding.
19:17Yeah,
19:17all right.
19:18Pudding.
19:18There you are, then.
19:19Snassfum.
19:21Here's the soup.
19:22We're not ready for that yet.
19:24We haven't done the napkins.
19:25Hey, we can't use these boys.
19:26They'll get dirty.
19:27We have many more, sir.
19:28Fresh and white like new dhoti.
19:30Right.
19:31Let's do the napkins.
19:34That's it.
19:36Good, good.
19:36Splendid.
19:40Er, there is...
19:41There is just one small detail,
19:45Sarge Major.
19:46You don't tuck it into your tunic.
19:49Well, I was following the brigadier.
19:50What the Colonel did.
19:53What was I supposed to know?
19:55Napkins go on the knees.
19:56Right, serve the soup.
20:00I'm good.
20:00You're quite tempting, I do.
20:02Uh-uh.
20:04You must wait for the Colonel.
20:06Well, you said just now I didn't have to.
20:07That was for the table napkin.
20:09It's quite simple, Sarge Major.
20:11Wait for the sit.
20:12Wait for the sit.
20:13Don't wait for the napkins.
20:15Don't wait for the napkins.
20:16Wait for the soup.
20:17Wait for the soup.
20:18Off you go, then, Colonel.
20:19Oh, um, there is just one little thing.
20:25Don't blow the soup.
20:27Don't blow the soup.
20:28Have you got it?
20:30Wait for the sit.
20:31Wait for the sit.
20:32Don't wait for the napkins.
20:33Don't wait for the napkins.
20:34Wait for the soup.
20:34Wait for the soup.
20:35Don't blow the soup.
20:36Don't blow the soup.
20:37Without that palaver, the soup won't be hot anyway.
20:41Now, when you've nearly finished all the soup,
20:43don't tip the bowl towards you.
20:46Right, now, remember that.
20:47Let's have a recap, right?
20:49Wait for the sit.
20:50Don't wait for the napkins.
20:52Wait for the soup.
20:54Don't blow the soup.
20:56Don't tip the bowl.
20:57Right.
20:57Right.
20:58Hang on.
20:59Wait for the sit.
21:02Wait.
21:03Don't wait.
21:04Wait.
21:05Don't blow, don't tip.
21:07Right.
21:07It's quite easy, really.
21:09All you've got to think of is snap, thump, waddu, dad uptid.
21:16Let go on to the fish, shall we?
21:20Never saw you look quite so pretty.
21:25Oi!
21:26There.
21:27Yes, this, sir, Sherry, is not at all bad, Reynolds.
21:29Oh, thank you very much, sir.
21:30Actually, it's thanks to the RAF, because they provided it.
21:33And I'll tell you something else.
21:34This is the first time I've dressed in Mufti for dinner since 1940.
21:38Well, we did that because of this rather odd guess, sir.
21:41The sergeant major chap.
21:42Yes, that's right, sir.
21:42We couldn't wear uniform because, as Ashwood pointed out,
21:45it would mean the sergeant major wearing his badges
21:47while dining in the officer's mess.
21:49And that wouldn't do at all.
21:50What sort of chap is he?
21:52Absolutely first class.
21:55Isn't he, Ashwood?
21:56Oh, absolutely first class.
21:58As a sergeant major.
21:59Yes, but so far as his becoming an officer is concerned,
22:02I leave that for you to draw your own conclusions.
22:06If you don't go now, sergeant major, the dinner will be over.
22:09Glorious up.
22:10The food is not here yet.
22:11Yes, HQ muck not yet arrived to replace my Chinese muck.
22:16All right, sergeant major, let's have a look at you.
22:25I don't think I can go through it, you know, that's a fact.
22:28You're a tough to your fingernails.
22:31My mum had a picture of the Duke of Windsor on a biscuit tin.
22:34You look just like him.
22:37Do I really, boy?
22:38Go on, sergeant major.
22:39Go out there and knock him in the aisles.
22:43All right.
22:46Wish me luck then.
22:47Good luck, sir.
22:48Here I go.
22:50Ah, here comes our long-lost guest.
22:55Brigadier, our special guest, sergeant major Williams.
22:57How are you going on, sir?
22:59I've heard all about you, Williams.
23:01Oh, Colonel be telling tales, sir, is he?
23:04Oh, no, no, no.
23:05You're quite a legend, H.Q.
23:07A good legend, I hope, sir.
23:09At all events, a soldier, he was.
23:10Oh, it's that all right.
23:11Yes, everybody knows about sergeant major Williams.
23:14But look, I can't keep calling you Williams.
23:16What's your first name?
23:18Well, I've always been known as Taffy, sir.
23:21Yes, well, that's the fate of every Welshman in the army, I'm afraid.
23:24Oh, Charles, Taffy doesn't seem to have a drink.
23:27Oh, sorry, sergeant major.
23:29Taffy, um...
23:32Ash, well, get old Taffy here a drink.
23:37Thank you, sir.
23:38Oh, I see.
23:43Well, it has kept your cup.
23:46I'm sorry, sir.
23:49I seem to have let you down rather badly.
23:52I didn't have a white shirt, you see, sir,
23:54and the boys got together and made these out of a couple of bits of white cardboard.
24:00I see.
24:01That's damn funny.
24:03Do you know why Batman did the same for me?
24:10I bet these two get theirs at Harrods.
24:14Army and Navy, actually.
24:16And Derry and Tom's.
24:19Let's cut a clock.
24:20Message from Div, sir, for the Colonel.
24:22The bridge is down over the Singyu River, sir,
24:23and they can't send a food for your dinner.
24:25I see.
24:26That's a bit of a blow.
24:27Oh, never mind.
24:27We have this fabulous Chinese cook.
24:29My compliments to our Sing.
24:30Tell him I know it's short notice, but could he do his best?
24:33Our Sing sent a message, too, sir.
24:34Oh, what does he say?
24:36Can I whisper, sir?
24:38Yes, I suppose, sir.
24:40Well, he said, sir, you can...
24:41Take a Chinaman to think up something like that.
24:47I can fix up fantastic McConaughey's stew
24:50with tin mashed potatoes and tin trickle pudding
24:53and char-bjorn your dreams up.
24:56McConaughey's stew and trickle pudd?
24:58But that's the best meal in the world.
25:00Tastes best of all out of mess tins, sir.
25:02You're absolutely right, Taffy.
25:03Could we have it out of mess tins?
25:05I mean, one spoon would do.
25:06Yes, yes, yes, of course, of course, sir.
25:08Well, off you go, a thing, a...
25:10Clark, sir.
25:11A Clark, yes.
25:12Take the Indian thing with you, too.
25:16Yes, you know, I remember my old dad.
25:19He was a coal miner, you know.
25:22Was he indeed, sir?
25:23Oh, yes, yes.
25:23Donopandi Collery.
25:25Well, my dad was a miner, too, sir.
25:27Was he indeed?
25:28Nantamoyle.
25:29Nantamoyle?
25:30Good gracious me.
25:33What a marvellous man you've got here.
25:36The sort of man we want for an officer.
25:37Yes, sir.
25:38We thought that, too.
25:39Absolutely.
25:40Anyway, my father never forgot his humble background,
25:44even after he became an MP.
25:46And I remember the day I left public school,
25:49him saying to me,
25:50Brinley, he said.
25:51Brinley?
25:52Never forget one thing in life.
25:54There's no meal better than stew and trickle pudd.
25:57Labour MP, what's he saying?
26:00Oh, of course, dear boy.
26:01Yeah.
26:01Well, my mother had set the table.
26:04Just like this.
26:05And I remember she had the best china and silver and things.
26:10And I remember my father taking hold of the cloth
26:13and saying,
26:14Stew and trickle pudd, he said.
26:16And to hell with all the fripperies and la-di-da.
26:18And with that,
26:19he took hold of the cloth
26:21and pulled it off,
26:23leaving everything standing.
26:26Just like this.
26:27Just as well we're eating out the mess tin, sir.
26:36You're right, sir.
26:37Thank you very much.
26:38When were you last at the arms park, sir?
26:40Saying goodbye to the sergeant major
26:57was without doubt the sweetest moment of my life.
27:01He made my life a misery
27:02just because I'm little.
27:06He was unhuman.
27:09Life without him will be pure bliss.
27:14Here, fellas.
27:16Look what's just blown in.
27:17Lord, love a ruddy duck.
27:25It's happened at last, fellas.
27:27They made me a sergeant.
27:31Temporary, unpaid acting sergeant.
27:35That's right.
27:36For short,
27:37two arse.
27:41Get fell in.
27:46Get fell in, I'm a sergeant!
27:52I thought it all out, fellas.
27:54It's not going to make any difference, not to us.
27:56I'm not like that.
27:57Not at all.
27:58You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.
28:01On parade is on parade
28:02and off parade is off parade.
28:05We're going to make this
28:06the finest concert party
28:07east of Chittergong
28:08and my name is not Gloria Beaumont.
28:10I'm going to rehearse until you drop.
28:11We're going to have
28:12make-up classes,
28:13dancing classes,
28:14acting classes,
28:14singing classes.
28:16We're going to have
28:16juggling acrobat,
28:17stage members,
28:18scene shifting.
28:19I'm going to tell you
28:19love you artists.
28:20If it's the last thing I just...
28:22Oh!
28:26I'm sorry.
28:26I was shouting you to
28:27because I'm not a real sergeant.
28:31I'm only temporary.
28:32unpaid acting, sergeant.
28:35Temporary unpaid.
28:37I'm acting.
28:41Very badly.
28:44What are you doing back here,
28:45Sergeant Major?
28:45I brought you a signal, sir.
28:47The concert party is to be trained
28:48as an assault concert party.
28:51What does that mean, Sergeant Major?
28:53It means, bombardier,
28:54that when the Allies invade
28:55Malaya from the sea,
28:57this concert party will go in
28:59with the first wave
29:00of assault troops.
29:01And I will be coming with you.
29:03What about your commission,
29:04Sergeant Major?
29:05Well, that would have taken
29:05six months, sir.
29:07Might all be over by then,
29:08so I withdrew my application.
29:09I'm coming with you, sir,
29:10because I have a feeling
29:12you're going to need me.
29:14Well, if we're going in
29:15with the first wave
29:15we'll certainly be needing you.
29:17Well, on the other hand, sir,
29:19I do not think
29:20we will be needing this.
29:23Get started!
29:23Move yourself!
29:25Move it, move it, move it!
29:26I'm going to get you fed, fed, fed.
29:27Stand from the east, stand still!
29:29High front!
29:29Squad, tied!
29:31Double mark, tied!
29:32Up, up, up, up, up!
29:36Get down, get down, get down,
29:36please, my mother, bro!
29:38All right, it's fire!
29:39Check out, check out!
29:40All right, let's go!
29:42We're all right, we're all right.
29:44Meet the band, boys,
29:46the boys are in,
29:47the boys to entertain.
29:50The music, the laughter,
29:52come to run away,
29:53to play, to play, to play, to play, to play, to play.
29:56The songs, the set is,
29:57I can so in me,
29:59with us and out,
30:00the Euro� way it's so.
30:02Meet the band, boys,
30:03the boys are in,
30:04the boys to entertain.
30:08Up, up, up, to make you feel good,
30:10So give us a cheer with a hey, hey, hey, just gather around and put down your gun.
30:16There's dust so far, there's plenty of fun, so meet again.
30:20Once the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
30:25B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
30:32End of hope and glory, mother of the...
30:38Shut up!
30:40Shut up!
Recommended
29:19
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