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The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:16With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
00:49Oh my, oh dear to me, you are looking at the most frightened man in all India.
00:54No, I'm telling a lie, I am not in India, I am over India, which is down there, and this does not bear to be thought about.
01:04Now this wizard kite is belonging to the Americans who are helping us British to win the war.
01:10These Americans are very generous and important people, and they have sent us planes like this, some men, and also Errol Flynn.
01:16They are telling you something, they are not always telling truth, oh blimey, no.
01:22They are calling this flying fartress.
01:25My friends, I have seen many fartress, and they have walls of a stone, like this.
01:30But this fartress has walls of tin, no thicker than the sides of the char-erl of the char-walla.
01:38And it is in this jetty that we, Royal Artillery Concert Party, are flying under sealed orders on special mission, which is top secret.
01:47So I will tell only you.
01:48We are going to do top full shoe for RAF Filling Station in Jawani, which is in Balochistan, which is at the back end of Beyond and then South.
02:03So shh, do not tell a soul.
02:07Men are in good heart, Ashwood?
02:09Absolutely first class, sir.
02:11Soldiers enjoy being moved about, you know.
02:13Don't you agree, Sergeant Major?
02:15Proper soldiers, mate, sir.
02:17What this lot enjoys is past my comprehension.
02:21Grasper all the enjoys is bashing their char-boys and prancing it out like a shower of puffs.
02:27And a sack of what is you doing with that water bottle?
02:30I mean a little sip of water, Sergeant Major.
02:37I wish you'd stop doing that.
02:39My nerves won't stand it.
02:41Oh, this is nothing, Gloria.
02:42I did a couple of trips with a hair and boots.
02:45And there, the boats stand right in their tail.
02:48You can't even hang on.
02:49You need both hands free to gut the fish.
02:52I can just go a couple of keepers now.
02:56I can't go on.
02:57I try to be creative and artistic.
03:00And I'm hending an outside by peasants.
03:04He's deliberate.
03:05He's doing it deliberately.
03:06I tell you, he's a breaking-noodle-doodle pilot.
03:09What a airplane is, but he couldn't drive a 17-bus.
03:13Hey, man.
03:19Yeah?
03:20You having trouble holding this crate straight?
03:22No.
03:23I just want to stab them bums in the back.
03:25You really are a mean man, man.
03:27I like to be mean.
03:29I've flown for General Stubble.
03:31I've bombed Rangoon.
03:33And I've dropped supplies on this hurricane.
03:36But this is the first time I've had a ferry to a bunch of limey ferries.
03:41Just watch me give them a ride.
03:47Hey, bastard, Jake.
03:48Ashford, go and have a word with the pilot.
03:50Yes, sir.
03:51Wouldn't it be better coming from you, sir?
03:53No.
03:54That would make it too official.
03:57Well, how about the Sergeant Major?
03:59He'd be ideal.
03:59Tell him.
04:00Sergeant Major, Colonel would like you to tell this pilot to stop jiggling the airplane.
04:07Beg your pardon, sir?
04:08I don't really want to complain.
04:10How about passing the buck to the Bombardier?
04:12I'll go passing the...
04:13Shut up!
04:14Nobody asked you to stick you up universally nosing, Mr. Lardy-Dargon or Graham.
04:19Bombardier.
04:20Sergeant Major.
04:21Go tell the pilot to keep this aircraft on a heathen, Bladdy-2.
04:24Sergeant Major, just leave it to me.
04:26Well, hurry up, then.
04:27Move yourself, move yourself.
04:28Again?
04:28Excuse me, but the Colonel said, would you mind not driving this thing as if it were a novelty ride at the fun fair?
04:46There.
04:47I told him, you won't do that anymore.
04:50Get out!
04:51Hello, hello, hello, Charlie Fox Sable.
04:58You are clear to make approach to Giovanni.
05:01Over.
05:01Hello, Control.
05:02Roger.
05:03What kind of wind do you have?
05:05Over.
05:06Charlie Fox Sable.
05:08Please, I have no wind at all.
05:11We're right on the nose.
05:13We should be landing in about eight minutes.
05:15Great.
05:16As soon as we dump this bunch of limey ferries, the happier I'll be.
05:20And we take off the Nushki.
05:21We've got to pick them up again this evening.
05:24Maybe we can switch flights.
05:26Now, gather round, chaps.
05:28You heard what the commanding officer said.
05:29Gather round.
05:30Gather round.
05:31Now, what I have to tell you is absolutely top secret.
05:35And I know I can't must go outside this aeroplane.
05:38In a few minutes, we will be landing at...
05:43Giovanni, Colonel, sir.
05:44Giovanni.
05:45Shut up!
05:47This is a lonely airship.
05:49There are just 25 chaps manning it, and they've been there for three years.
05:54With absolutely nothing to relieve the monotony.
05:56No shows, no radio, not even any women.
06:00But Dulali Camp wasn't exactly the Folli-Berger, sir.
06:03Shut up!
06:05Hey, bastard!
06:07Bastard!
06:08Wake up, goddammit!
06:09I'm landing!
06:11Huh?
06:12Oh, you're land?
06:13Oh, no!
06:14Oh, oh!
06:15Ha, ha!
06:16Funny!
06:18Here they are.
06:19Thank God they've come.
06:21At last our chaps can get some real entertainment.
06:23Just think.
06:24Stuck here for all those years.
06:25No gals, no films, no radio,
06:28and the cabin all the spring of the gramophone had to break.
06:31Ah, no, no, flat.
06:32My chaps still haven't given up.
06:33Oh, no!
06:35Oh, no!
06:36Oh, no!
06:36Oh, no!
06:36Oh, no!
06:37Oh, no!
06:37Oh, no!
06:38Oh, no!
06:38Oh, no!
06:39Oh, no!
06:39I don't mind.
06:43I'm glad you took my advice and didn't tell the men.
06:45I really do think it would have been too much for them.
06:47Ah, well, well, you are the doctor.
06:49Yes, yes.
06:50Can I tell them now?
06:52Yes, yes, all right, but do it gently, won't you?
07:00Now, listen, chaps.
07:02No, don't get up.
07:03We don't go in for bull in the raft.
07:06Now, you hear that?
07:08Plane?
07:09Do you know what's on it?
07:13It is a show of real, live people, and they've come here to perform just for us.
07:21What about that, eh?
07:23It's been a long time, but we didn't break, did we?
07:26No, we were staunch.
07:29We were a tight ship.
07:31I mean, we didn't lose our grip on ourselves, no.
07:34No, no, it's all right.
07:37We've come through.
07:38We've come through.
07:40We've come through.
07:45Please, thank you.
07:47Oh, well, I'd better go and meet them, then.
07:50Do you think I should do the talking, sir?
07:52Yes, at first.
07:52Oh, thanks, Basil.
07:54Come along, Artin.
08:00Come on, lads.
08:01All together.
08:02When there are grey skies
08:07Oh, grey skies
08:11You make them blue skies
08:14Right, you lovely boys.
08:23You all in one piece?
08:24No.
08:25I'll bang me leg.
08:26There'll be a bruise.
08:27My act will be ruined, ruined.
08:28Whoever had a bet in grey will make me bruises on her shins.
08:32Right, if the new pen's broken, we've got to sort ourselves out and disembark.
08:37Help!
08:38Help!
08:38Where's that voice coming from?
08:41It's lofty, sir Major.
08:43Come in here.
08:44I'm wasting my two-pee.
08:46Get him out, somebody!
08:47Hey, someone's banging on the wee ten lead box.
08:58Ah, now, remember what I told you?
09:00They've been here a long time, so it'd be very nice to them.
09:03You go first, Esher.
09:04Very good, sir.
09:05Oh, hello, I'm Esher.
09:14Welcome to Juwani.
09:16Oh, that's all.
09:18We're the Royal Artillery Concert Party.
09:20Yes, we know.
09:21We've been expecting you.
09:23Are you an acrobat?
09:25I'm the actual veteran.
09:27What's going on, Esher?
09:28Oh, excuse me.
09:30I must just go back and have a word with the colonel.
09:32What's happening, Esher?
09:36It's a bit worrying.
09:38Between you and me, I think that damn Yankee pilot has landed us the wrong way up.
09:43Well, I'll begin to despair of you sometime.
09:47Reynolds Royal Artillery here.
09:49Do you wish to inspect the men?
09:50Yes, if you like.
09:52I'm only a doctor.
09:53Don't let that worry you.
09:54I'm only a solicitor.
09:56I'll have to inspect the men.
09:57Get him outside.
09:58The CEO will give me a bunker.
09:59I think he's coming inside to inspect them, sir.
10:03All right, get Fallon.
10:06The tank!
10:07Ow!
10:11It's the genie of the lamp.
10:15Royal Artillery Concert Party ready for an inspection, sir.
10:17Ah, yes.
10:19Yes, very smart.
10:20Yes, well, the men you meet here are a pretty funny lot, too.
10:24They've been here rather a long time.
10:26If you still see it, we didn't know that.
10:29I'm doing my best, Basil.
10:31Treat them gently.
10:32Humour them, in fact.
10:33And if you have any trouble, do come to me, won't you?
10:35You see, because just at the moment, I'm about the only person left who is...
10:38Oh, oh, oh!
10:40Hey, steady, Martin!
10:44It's the CO.
10:46Well, we're all raring to go, aren't we, chaps?
10:49Oh, yes, sir.
10:50Good.
10:51Well, yes, well, the lads have made a sort of stage thing, so I expect you want to get cracking.
10:55Oh, good idea.
10:56Carry on, Ashwood.
10:57Very good, sir.
10:57Carry on, Sergeant Major.
10:59Done.
10:59All right.
11:00Grab your kit.
11:01Here, Bobadier.
11:17Yes?
11:17Do you mind if the Empire State Building goes stage right instead of stage left?
11:22Why don't you leave it stage left like I told you?
11:24Because stage left, there's two scorpions.
11:27They're having a cuddle.
11:28Yes, sir, it's capping ugly, but jolly sexy.
11:34Why don't you kick them out the way?
11:36Because they might get close.
11:38Parkies are great, right, sir.
11:40Everything in India gets crass if you kick it when it is having cuddle.
11:46Then cacton.
11:48Oh, you lot, you're obsessed!
11:49Hey, Randy, come on and give me a hand.
11:51All right, now, what I want you to do is take the wrapping off this.
11:54All right.
11:56Now.
11:58Bring it forward here, so the customers can see it.
12:02Yeah.
12:03Oh, Gladius, how beautiful you are.
12:06Sometimes I think you make better ladies than gentlemen.
12:09Thank you, Randy.
12:11That is sweet of you.
12:13Will you stop staring at my nipples?
12:17I've water up and out.
12:18I've not even done my lashes.
12:22Oh, Randy, get my dresses and bring them across.
12:25Do you get up?
12:25That's a girl.
12:39Hello.
12:39You looking forward to the show?
12:41That's a girl.
12:43Yes, well, it's a rather special brand, actually.
12:45That's a girl.
12:47That's a girl.
12:47Mind you, don't get that mixed up with your eyelashes.
13:16That's a girl.
13:17Right.
13:19Carry on.
13:20Pay attention.
13:22The train will be back for us just before 1800 hours, so Bombardier, do not make it a long show.
13:27You can rely on me, Sergeant Major.
13:28The only thing I can rely on you for, Bombardier, is to ponce about.
13:36Like a rheumatic-y old tart.
13:40I say, Sergeant Major, there's some pretty extraordinary characters on this station.
13:44One of them's just pinched Bombardier Beaumont's picture and run off with it.
13:49He ran off with my picture?
13:50That's after he kissed it.
13:56Poor bewildered boy.
14:00Train up!
14:01Carry on, chaps.
14:02Captain Ashford and I have just come to say jolly good luck for the show.
14:05Yes, jolly good luck for the show, chaps.
14:08Now, if touch here, looking forward to it very much.
14:11Ah, glad you're here.
14:12There's been a rather ugly development.
14:14We didn't know you had a girl with you.
14:16We told Deli not to send a girl, so why did you bring one?
14:20It's irresponsible, that is what it is.
14:22Darned irresponsible.
14:23We haven't got a girl.
14:24What do you call this, then?
14:26I'm sorry, it's been a bit of a mess, but I had to prize it out of the chap's hand with a tire.
14:31That's not a girl, isn't it?
14:34By Jove, we have been here a long time.
14:39That's one of our soldiers who now and then masquerades as a girl.
14:43By Jove, he's jolly good at it.
14:46Thank you very much, sir.
14:48Pity is no good when he masquerades as a soldier.
14:52I don't see that it makes any difference, sir.
14:54I mean, the way the men are at the moment, it could trigger off a most violent reaction.
14:57We could take care of a few cat calls, can't we?
14:59Oh, certainly, sir.
15:00I mean, when Lofty sings to the Indians, they always throw chapatis.
15:04It's much more serious than that, I can assure you.
15:06The only female contact my chaps have had in the last three years is a record of Gracie Fields.
15:11Singing the biggest asper distra in the world.
15:13Hey, that's mine.
15:15Why did you steal it from me?
15:17You're cruel, cruel, cruel.
15:21Basil, he shouldn't speak to me like that.
15:23No, no, it's not.
15:24He's not usually rude, sir.
15:26What do you want, Bera?
15:27Sir, to me, sir, one of the bleakly boys has left this bucket of flowers for Gloria, sir.
15:35Isn't that sweet?
15:36Who was it?
15:37It is written on this note, sir.
15:39Give that go.
15:40The note is for by my dear, sir.
15:41The poor chair is probably quite bonkers.
15:46Gloria, I saw your photograph and could not believe it.
15:49Sounds rather sane to me.
15:51I am a single man and my intentions are honourable, but I would give a month's pay for five minutes alone with you.
15:59Where are you going with that, Charwalla?
16:02It is photo for Mr. Gloria, sir.
16:04You would hear it.
16:05On the back is the most beautiful poem.
16:12You were faces fair, my art is full.
16:14You are the bird I want to pull.
16:20That would be heck if you always did have a way with words.
16:24I'd go through hell, I'd wander far to get my hand inside you.
16:28That's enough.
16:29All you have to do is go on the stage and tell your men that Gloria is a bombardier.
16:37Well, they wouldn't believe us.
16:38They never do believe the officers.
16:41Well, you have to do it then, Sergeant Major.
16:43Somehow or other, we've got to make them believe that Gloria is a bombardier.
16:50I did hard to believe myself, sir.
16:53Excuse me, Sergeant Major, sir.
16:54Before you are talking to the men with your wonderful loud mouth,
16:57I've got to play the beautiful soothing music,
17:03so to pour the oils all over their troubled waters, isn't it?
17:06That's quite a good wheeze.
17:08Carry on, Graf.
17:08Oh, oh, look, sir.
17:12Oh, dearie, what's happening?
17:13Huh?
17:14I think they make the hole shows to play the pee-pee tummy.
17:18They're depraved.
17:20That's what they are, depraved.
17:21Don't you worry, sir.
17:26There, sir.
17:27That make him pull his finger out.
17:29Stop that music!
17:41Stop that music!
17:43Calm down.
17:46Before we start,
17:49I want to get one thing understood.
17:50Some of you
17:52is under the misappropriation
17:54that we as a real-life woman in this show.
17:59Such
17:59is unfortunately
18:00not the case.
18:04I give you my word
18:06as a sergeant major.
18:11I give you my word
18:12that there is all men.
18:13We want Gloria!
18:22We want Gloria!
18:23Oh, listen to that.
18:25They shall think,
18:26we want Gloria.
18:27My public are clamouring for me.
18:30It's disgusting, sir.
18:32The men don't be in him, sir.
18:33They think he wants the girl for himself.
18:35But this is damn serious, Colonel Reynolds.
18:37Oh, look!
18:38There's an eye looking at me.
18:40Huh?
18:40It is that pee-pee tummy again.
18:42I'll fix him.
18:43I'll blow this powder in his eye.
18:45We want Gloria!
18:46We want Gloria!
18:48We want Gloria!
18:49We want Gloria!
18:51We want Gloria!
18:53We want Gloria!
18:55We want Gloria!
18:57I'll go backside into that hoarding
18:59or I will skin you alive!
19:05This will fix him.
19:09Johnny,
19:10if I wait here,
19:11I can get him
19:11just as they're taking
19:12the first peep.
19:15We want Gloria!
19:16We want Gloria!
19:24A mucky little hymn
19:25was peeping at Gloria,
19:27so I played a funny trick on him.
19:32We want Gloria!
19:33We want Gloria!
19:35We want Gloria!
19:37We want Gloria!
19:38We want lawyer! We want lawyer! We want lawyer! We want lawyer!
19:45What's he doing? He's playing the introduction music.
19:48Good thing. Start the show. Give the man something else to think about.
19:51Yes, darling. There's something on the tag. Hurry up.
19:53Not you.
19:54What? My audience are clandering for me.
19:57If he goes out there, I won't be responsible.
19:59I've only got one nursing orderly, and I doubt if I can protect you from him.
20:04Start without him.
20:05Surely there's some way we can convince him he's not a girl.
20:08Excuse me, Colonel Saab, but I have what wizard means.
20:11Gloria Saab must do the stripping and the teasing.
20:16I shall do no such thing.
20:18It is the only way, Saab, like this.
20:24Shut me up!
20:26We can't think of anything. We'll have to do the show without him.
20:29Do the show without me? I am the show.
20:32I mean, the rest of them are a bunch of amateurs.
20:34Oh, my dear.
20:35If your commanding officer says the show will be done without you,
20:38that is how the show will be done!
20:41It'll be disastrous. I mean, Loft, you'll have to do every other number.
20:44I mean, the whole show will be a... travesty.
20:47And this funny feeling, he found me stealing.
20:53Why don't you love your sweet eyes overdue?
20:56My best so sure, that it won't fit my little trouble.
21:01And my new Sunday shirt has got the perforated under his loo.
21:06I'm telling you...
21:08I've got this man.
21:09I've got this man.
21:14Get off!
21:15Get off!
21:16We want Lorien!
21:18We want Lorien!
21:19We want Lorien!
21:20We want Lorien!
21:21We want Lorien!
21:22We want Lorien!
21:23We want Lorien!
21:24We want Lorien!
21:25We want Lorien!
21:26We want Lorien!
21:27We want Lorien!
21:28We want Lorien!
21:29We want Lorien!
21:30We want Lorien!
21:31One is more
21:35Keep life on to the end
21:39Keep life on to the end
21:43For the way it belongs
21:45Let your heart be strong
21:47Keep life on run the bay
21:51When I hear of the way it goes by
21:55The way it belongs
21:57I come down
21:59Say this speaks the man
22:03The way he handles
22:05Get out of me
22:09I'm Gilbert, the Filbert, the Nutrim,
22:11the Cain, the Pride
22:13of Piccadilly, the Blase
22:15Bray, El Hades, the Lady
22:19Let me go out there
22:21and win them with my personality
22:27Who will have won
22:29And who will have won
22:31And who will have won
22:33And who will have won
22:35We want Gloria!
22:37She is not going very well.
22:39This one?
22:41We want Gloria!
22:43We want Gloria!
22:45We want Gloria!
22:47We want Gloria!
22:49We want Gloria!
22:51We want Gloria!
22:53We want Gloria!
22:55We want Gloria!
22:57We want Gloria!
22:59We want Gloria!
23:01We want Gloria!
23:03We want Gloria!
23:05We want Gloria!
23:07We want Gloria!
23:09We want Gloria!
23:11It's not a boy?
23:41We want Gloria!
23:43We want Gloria!
23:45We want Gloria!
23:47We want Gloria!
23:49We want Gloria!
23:51We want Gloria!
23:53We want Gloria!
23:55But all the men we want
23:57He just keeps going
24:01We want Gloria!
24:03We want Gloria!
24:05We want Gloria!
24:07You can't go like this, the whole thing's an absolute shambler!
24:09It's like Hamilton, Dixie and Dixie out there.
24:12I've got it. Let's do the dames number.
24:16I mean, we all dressed up in that one.
24:18I mean, they're bound to realise we're friends if we all dressed up as girls.
24:21What do you think?
24:22It seems logical in a funny sort of way.
24:24Everybody do the dames number. Get changed. We're doing the dames.
24:27Randy, go outside and tell Palarooski. We're doing the dames number.
24:31We want Gloria. We want Gloria.
24:34We want Gloria. We want Gloria. We want Gloria.
24:44We want Gloria. We want Gloria.
24:47Who likes the words and music for all the world's show?
24:52No one cares and no one knows who is the handsome hero.
24:59Some billet owns frames. But who cares if there's a plot or not
25:04When you've got a lot of dames.
25:07What do you don't want?
25:09You spend, you don't want.
25:14You spend, you don't want.
25:20What do you think?
25:21Some are bright blue.
25:23And those are pretty blue.
25:24Blue day.
25:25Oh, dance.
25:26Oh, dance.
25:28I don't want.
25:30æ°´ed for everyone.
25:31Names.
25:32You can't recall their names, do you?
25:35But their dresses and hopes.
25:39Oh, dames, a temporary place.
26:09and the rest of the day
26:12but they're arrested
26:14and the rest of the day
26:17and the rest of the day
26:19Somebody say something to them
26:21Somebody do something
26:23It's not a bit grim, sir
26:24The RAF always was a bit slack about disdreaming
26:27I'll pray God save the keeping to me
26:31There's the plane
26:32What can we do, sir?
26:34Carry out a plan for withdrawing
26:36Do you
26:39What do you don't fall
26:41You say you don't fall
26:45Move yourself, move yourself
26:47Have to dabble, have to dabble
26:48Move, move, move
26:49These men slightly unpredictable
26:51Have I got to do
26:52That's ordinary thing
26:53To you
26:54Come on
26:57We want the girls
26:58We want the girls
27:00We're getting away, God
27:01Come on
27:02Hey
27:06Oh
27:07Oh
27:08Oh
27:09Oh
27:10Oh
27:11Oh
27:12Oh
27:13Oh
27:14Oh
27:15Oh
27:16Oh
27:17Oh
27:18Oh, Buster
27:19Get a load of that
27:20Oh
27:21Oh
27:22Oh
27:23Damn
27:24Oh
27:25Look at those limey officers chasing them
27:27Come on
27:28Come on
27:29You pretty stiff upper lip
27:30Don't knock it, Buster
27:31They're chasing you right into our waiting
27:32Ever-loving arms
27:33Come on, let's go get it
27:34What are we waiting for?
27:35What are we waiting for?
27:41Oh
27:42Oh
27:43Oh
27:44Oh
27:45Oh
27:46Oh
27:47Oh
27:48Oh
27:49Oh
27:50What the hell is this?
27:51Lay up, Buster
27:52What?
27:53The ferry
27:54Oh
28:00You know
28:01There's a very old Hindu proverb which say
28:03That when the Greek bull elephant has left his wife
28:05It's a very bad time to be putting hip up on us
28:09Come on, come on
28:14Hurry up, don't leave me
28:16Go
28:17We场
28:18,
28:19corrata
28:20.
28:22.
28:22,
28:31.
28:32.
28:32.
28:33ped
28:34It's a beautiful
28:36To provide with you on the road
28:38To raise yourThere time to give
28:40Hey, hey, the songs, the singers and girls are in you.
28:44With us about you, you know, the lyrics sound in.
28:47But thank you, the boys are in, for boys to entertain you.
28:53I think you make it good, hey, so give us a cheer, little hey, hey.
28:57Hey, hey, let's go to the band, and we'll stand it down.
29:01With us about you, the baby of one.
29:04So thank you, the boys, the boys are in, for boys to entertain you.
29:10B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:16End of hope and glory, butter of the beach.
29:22Shut up!
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