- 2 days ago
SOUTH PARK Season 27 Episode 1
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00M.T.V.
00:30M.T.V.
00:32Come on down to South by there and meet some friends, man.
00:46Ugh!
00:48Alexa, put on 90.1.
00:50Got it. Now playing Radio Station 90.1 FM.
01:00What the fuck?
01:06Mom, something's wrong with my favorite show.
01:08It's just like static.
01:10Your favorite show?
01:11Yeah, NPR, National Public Radio,
01:13where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff.
01:15Something's wrong with it.
01:16Oh, sweetie, the president canceled NPR.
01:19What do you mean the president canceled NPR?
01:22That was like the funniest shit ever.
01:24I don't know what to tell you, hon.
01:26Oh, my God.
01:28You guys, you guys are not gonna believe this.
01:30The president of the United States canceled NPR.
01:34What's NPR?
01:36What's NPR?
01:37The funniest show ever where all the lesbians and Jews complain about stuff?
01:39The fucking president had it taken off the air.
01:41I mean, who the hell does this president think he is?
01:43The government can't cancel the show.
01:45I mean, what show are they gonna cancel next?
01:47It was seriously the best show.
01:49It had, like, gay rappers from Mexico all sad
01:51because girls in Pakistan got stoned to death.
01:53And guess why they got stoned to death?
01:54Because they were raped.
01:55It was hilarious.
01:56Why would anyone cancel that?
01:57I don't know about you, but I'm worried about what this country's coming to.
02:00It seems like everybody's changing and suddenly woke stuff is off limits.
02:03I mean, it's like now everyone rips on the Jews and it's totally fine.
02:06Huh, Kyle?
02:09See?
02:10What's wrong with Kyle?
02:11Everybody's giving up.
02:12Attention, students.
02:14There will be a mandatory assembly this morning.
02:17All students report to the gym, okay?
02:20Oh, boy.
02:21Oh, boy.
02:22PC principal.
02:23He's not giving up.
02:27All right, everyone.
02:28Listen up.
02:29Everybody quiet!
02:30There's some bull crap going on in this country, and I am not going to let it corrupt the environment
02:36at this school.
02:37Oh, here we go.
02:38Now, I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of the way people are treated and mocked for being compassionate.
02:43It is out of control.
02:45There is only one thing that can bring some normality back to these corrupt times, and that is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
02:55What?
02:56This school has traded truth for comfort and worships idols of self and sin.
03:01We were a nation under God, but now we spit in his face and wonder why everything's falling apart.
03:05There's only one way back.
03:06Repent.
03:07Bow to Christ.
03:08Or be swept away with the rest of the godless lives.
03:11What the hell, dude?
03:13In order to turn things around, I'm going to be a power Christian principal.
03:18You can call me PC principal.
03:20So now, I'd like you all to put your hands together in welcoming Christ our Lord.
03:30Hello, my children.
03:31I am the light and the way.
03:34Fellas, what the fuck is going on?
03:36Yea, it is wonderful to be here.
03:39For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.
03:44That's right!
03:45That's right!
03:46Let's go, Jesus!
03:47Fuck yeah!
03:48So, how was your day, guys?
03:58Anything fun happen at school?
04:00No, not really.
04:02Uh, Jesus showed up.
04:05Jesus?
04:07Yeah.
04:09What's Jesus doing in your school?
04:11I don't know.
04:12I don't think Jesus is allowed to be in schools.
04:16Yeah, well, he was there.
04:19Well, I think I'm going to have to talk to somebody about this.
04:23Hey, uh, how's it going?
04:25Um, is Jesus supposed to be allowed in schools?
04:32Generally, the idea is that public schools have to maintain a separation of church and state, so they can't promote any one religion.
04:38Yeah, that's what I thought. The government can't force a religion on my son.
04:43Public schools can teach about religions in a neutral educational way, but they can't endorse any particular one.
04:49Was it a lesson on all world religions?
04:52Uh, no. My son said that Jesus was literally at his school.
04:59Then you're probably right to be concerned. It's good you're looking out for your son's education.
05:04Thanks. It's really nice to have someone to talk to about all this.
05:08No worries. Let me know if there's any other way I can help. I'm always here.
05:13You're so awesome. Thanks.
05:16Good night, honey.
05:17Have a great sleep, and I'm sure you'll do more amazing things tomorrow.
05:20Gah!
05:21Gah!
05:22Gah!
05:23Gah!
05:24Gah!
05:25Butters!
05:35Butters, get over here!
05:36What did I tell you, man?
05:37This shit is whack!
05:38PC Principal?
05:39If he's changed, then there's no hope!
05:42I think I know what's happening.
05:45I think Woke is dead.
05:49Woke is dead?
05:50It's dead, Butters!
05:51It's gone!
05:52You can just stay retarded now.
05:53Nobody cares!
05:55Everyone hates the Jews!
05:56Everyone's fine with using gay slurs!
05:58Oh, well that's not good.
05:59No, it's terrible!
06:01Because now I don't know...
06:03what I'm supposed to do.
06:11Eric?
06:19More protests today as the government pushes harder for Christianity in our nation's schools.
06:24The president stated earlier today that the spirit of Jesus is important to our country.
06:28And he will sue anyone who doesn't agree with him.
06:31What the hell is this president doing?
06:34He doesn't even act like a Christian.
06:36Why is he pushing it on our kids?
06:37I told you this was all going to be bad, but a lot of you here voted for him.
06:41Yeah, I voted for him, but all I've seen him do is arrest and sue people.
06:45I've voted for him to get rid of all the woke stuff.
06:48But now that retarded faggot is just putting money in his own pockets.
06:52Are we just going to sit here and let him break every rule of freedom?
06:56No!
06:57Well, come on, let's go get that son of a bitch!
06:59Come on out, you piece of shit!
07:12We're unelecting you!
07:14Excuse me, do you mind?
07:22What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison?
07:29I'm not doing anything.
07:31Oh, so you haven't been looting the country and ruling by fear like some Middle Eastern tinpot dictator?
07:38No, I've been sitting here watching White Lotus with Rick.
07:41But you got re-elected.
07:45He hasn't been back to Washington in years.
07:48He gave all that up.
07:49He's been really good.
07:53But if he's here, then who's the retarded faggot in the White House?
08:03Uh-huh.
08:04Yeah.
08:06Okay.
08:06Mr. President, sir, the Prime Minister of Canada is here to see you.
08:12Mr. President!
08:13Why are you placing these new tariffs on Canada?
08:15What are you, some kind of dictator from the Middle East?
08:20A dictator from the Middle East?
08:22Hey, relax, guy.
08:24I'm just your average judge.
08:25Take a rest.
08:26The people of Canada will not be devalued like this.
08:29Hey, come on.
08:30You don't want me to bomb you like I did Iraq.
08:32I thought you just bombed Iraq.
08:34Iran, Iraq, what the hell's the difference?
08:36Relax, guy.
08:41Hey!
08:41Hey!
08:42What the fuck is this, better?
08:43This is the painting you asked for, sir.
08:46Why is my dick so small?
08:47But that's the size it is in the photo.
08:50Get this guy out of here!
08:51I'm gonna sue you!
08:52I'm gonna sue both of you!
08:54Nobody makes fun of me and gets away with it!
09:05Hey, Satan!
09:06I don't want to right now.
09:09What?
09:09Hey, relax!
09:10Come on, Satan, I've been working hard all day!
09:13You haven't been working, you've been doing your stupid memes and just fucking around!
09:17Come here again!
09:18Aw, come on, Satan.
09:19You know you can't resist this.
09:21I can't even see anything, it's so small.
09:25Hey!
09:26I'll fucking sue you!
09:27God, fuck you!
09:29Aw, come on, Satan.
09:30Don't be like that.
09:51I'll be like that.
10:21come on eric you can't keep doing this to yourself i used to laugh butters
10:27i used to have fun but now they've taken that away
10:32i'm not special anymore so what's the point in me even existing eric what are you saying
10:42i'm saying that it's the end butters i'm gonna kill myself and you
10:48wait me it's a suicide pack butters it's just best we end it now no eric listen to me woke
10:55isn't dead it's still out there somewhere just waiting to come back it's not coming back it's
11:00waiting to come back it's like a little tiny light that's gonna shine again you just gotta give it
11:05some time i hope you're right butters but if it doesn't come back by like tuesday i'm killing us
11:12mr marsh i've called you into my office because i understand that you have a problem with jesus in
11:23our schools i don't have a problem with it i mean i think it's kind of weird well mr mackie says you
11:32were bullying jesus and wouldn't let him sit at your table in the cafeteria
11:34what i didn't bully him craig told him our table was full which it was
11:40mr marsh christ died for your sins and he loves us all there's only one truth one cross and one
11:44savior and you will find him in your heart
11:46pc principle power christian principle yes what happened
11:52what what happened with what well you used to be like super woke and then starting last november you
12:00started acting weird and now you're super christian i just realized that the side i was on was
12:07hopeless and in times of hopelessness one finds christ come to him all who are heavy laden and
12:15he shall give you rest dude what's going on like none of this seems normal that's the kind of attitude
12:21we are not going to tolerate at this school and mr marsh if you don't accept christ then i'm going to
12:25have to expel you okay i'm pretty sure you can't do that like i think that's illegal no mr marsh it's not
12:32illegal anymore this is 2025 okay and not much is illegal i accept christ into my heart and into
12:41your school and in my school and at your table in the cafeteria there wasn't any room at my table
12:46and at my table in the cafeteria yeah
12:50faith in christ
12:55we're bringing back christ
12:59there's money in christ
13:02bringing back christ
13:06christ make the money christ make the money
13:12mr president a lot of your supporters are starting to turn against you
13:21hey tell them to take a rest sir can you please talk to them they're really riled up
13:26all right give me that hey relax guy yeah hi uh what do you think you're doing our children are
13:33being told that they have to sit with jesus at lunchtime listen buddy you just need to relax
13:37all this protesting makes me look bad just take a rest well no we're not going to give it a rest
13:42all the people here in south park want some goddamn answers
13:46all right then i'm gonna sue your whole town you got that five billion dollars
13:50what'd he say he said he's suing us for five billion dollars
13:57fucking stupid idiots think they can mess with me huh
14:03i'm not in the mood right now another random bitch commented on my instagram that you're on the
14:13epstein list the epstein list are we still talking about that well are you on the list or not
14:18it's weird that whenever it comes up you just tell everyone to relax
14:22i'm not telling everyone to relax relax
14:25no i need counseling
14:28you remind me more and more of this other guy i used to date like a lot like you guys are exactly
14:34alike
14:34i love you
14:39oh
14:40honey
14:41oh no
14:48butters honey your little friend cartman is here he said it's tuesday and you guys have plans
14:54to get on the other side
15:01butters don't be antisocial go play with your friend he's out in the garage playing in our
15:07car with a hose
15:10no
15:17oh god eric
15:19hey butters come on in
15:20eric no get out of there
15:22that's all it's locked butters you gotta get on the other side
15:24eric you don't have to do this
15:28close the door butters
15:29you can't get up
15:30you're letting all the fumes out shut the fucking door
15:31okay fine
15:32you can't just give up like everyone else has
15:33butters it's over you really want to sit around for weeks waiting for a slow demise
15:37well no
15:38well neither do i
15:40it's taking too long
15:41here you go butters
15:42buckle up we're in for the last ride
15:44all right fine
15:46suck it in butters
15:48we're heading for that big woke kingdom in the sky
15:50okay then
15:52this is 60 minutes oh boy oh shit
16:09uh oh god uh the small town of south park colorado is protesting against the president
16:15the townspeople claim that the president who who is a great man
16:19a great man
16:20great great guy we know he's probably watching
16:22and uh we are just reporting on this town in colorado that's being sued by the president and they are fighting back
16:29and just to be clear we don't agree with them
16:31no no no we think these protestors are total retards
16:34but our own jim connor has more
16:36ah
16:37ah
16:38oh god
16:39ah
16:40ah tom i'm here with the townspeople speaking out against the president
16:43it all started when a father got upset that jesus was being forced on his son at school
16:47young stan marsh is questioning the president's policies i don't know you know i don't know why he's questioning the president he's probably a faggot or something
16:54but the the townspeople say they owe the president nothing
16:58we aren't going to be told what to do by anyone
17:01we all know the woke stuff went too far but the answer isn't going too far the other way
17:06it's not a bad thing to have a little compassion for people
17:09it's not a bad thing to care a little for the environment
17:12the stoch family is proud to say that we own an electric car
17:25boy this sure is taking a long time
17:27yeah the human body does everything it can in the final stages to try and cling to life
17:32shouldn't be much longer now
17:34things are really heating up in the small town of south park
17:37more and more citizens are uniting in solidarity against what they call the president's oppression
17:42the townspeople are saying things are never hopeless
17:46that they must all stand strong for what they believe in
17:49we're in this for the long haul guys
17:51this is about what's right
17:53and we will fight even if we have to do it alone
17:56wait we don't have to do it alone
18:01wait we don't have to do it alone
18:03look
18:05it's jesus
18:09let us break bread break bread with me
18:15this is my body given for you
18:20do this in remembrance of me
18:22now just eat the bread and listen
18:27i didn't want to come back and be in this school but i had to
18:30because it was part of a lawsuit and the agreement with paramount
18:37the president's suing you
18:41the car can do whatever he wants now that someone's back down okay eat the bread eat the bread
18:47you guys saw what happened to cbs
18:49you guys saw what happened to cbs
18:50yeah well guess who won't cbs
18:52put them out
18:54you really want to end up the cold car
18:56you guys gotta stop being stupid
18:58we can't understand you
19:00we can't understand you
19:02just shut up
19:03we're going to get cancelled you idiots
19:06what the hell is that
19:07tom they're calling it the sermon on the mount
19:10hundreds of south park faithful are flocking to the area where jesus christ continues to speak his words of wisdom
19:17if someone has the power of the presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes then he can do anything to anyone
19:25it's the fucking president dude
19:27all of you shut the fuck up for south park it's over
19:30it's fucking over just stop and shut the fuck up
19:36y-y-yes sir
19:38oh okay
19:39absolutely
19:40yes thank you mr president
19:42we'll-we'll be happy to pay that sir
19:44yes sir i-i will relax and i'll take a rest
19:48yes thank you
19:49thank you very much
19:52okay we settled
19:54oh yeah we settled thank god
19:56i got the president down to three and a half million dollars
19:59three and a half million that-that's not so bad
20:01that's really fair i think that's fair
20:03we'll just have to cut some funding for our schools and hospitals and roads and that should be that
20:10yeah well that's not quite all
20:13as part of the settlement we also had to agree to doing pro-trump messaging
20:18how are we supposed to do pro-trump messaging
20:21oh come on guys we're south park
20:23we can do it
20:24yeah
20:25that's right
20:26we just gotta work together
20:27yeah
20:28yeah
20:29yeah
20:30yeah
20:31yeah
20:34yeah
20:35who walked through the desert for you
20:37who survived the wilderness and gave the ultimate sacrifice
20:44when things heat up who will deliver us from temptation
20:49Donald J. Drexler.
20:54No matter how hot it gets,
20:58he's not afraid to fight for America.
21:03With conviction, discipline, and trust in God,
21:07he survived the desert.
21:08Trump, his penis is teeny tiny, but his love for us is large.
21:38Oh, I think I might be going.
21:48Yep, sweet death is about to come.
21:50I love you, man.
22:08I love you, man.
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