- 2 days ago
When Joey goes to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being an actor, he meets his nephew Michael and ends up sharing a unique camaraderie with him.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Where am I taking?
00:12I gotta hear someplace.
00:15It's my sister's place.
00:17She was supposed to pick me up, but she's kind of not all there, you know?
00:25Your address?
00:28Right, right, right.
00:30So, you're here visiting family?
00:31Well, no, I'm an actor.
00:32I've been in New York, but I got offered work in L.A., and I think it's time for me to take my shot.
00:38Kind of scary.
00:38I mean, left my whole life behind, but I think it's the smart move, you know?
00:43If you want to make it as an actor, you've got to move to L.A., to Hollywood.
00:47So, what are you doing here in Dallas?
00:54I did have a layover in Dallas.
00:56Come on.
01:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
01:33Oh, thank God.
01:43Oh, my God, Joey!
01:45Hey, Gina!
01:46Oh, my brother, the star!
01:49Days of our lives.
01:50Not anymore.
01:51Formally!
01:53Good to see you.
01:54Oh, I know. I missed you so much.
01:56Oh, wait a second, wait a second.
01:59You look different.
02:01Oh, I forgot. You haven't seen him.
02:03Huh?
02:06What do you think? They're new.
02:07I went up three cup sizes.
02:09The doctor was reluctant.
02:11Come on, touch him.
02:12Uh, let's get my bag.
02:15I'll fill you up in the car, I promise.
02:18Oh, tell me about the big new job.
02:20Oh, well, uh, it all started when I got this new agent.
02:23This lady is a shark.
02:25And that means she's a good agent, not an actual shark.
02:29I know that.
02:31Yeah, I did, too.
02:32But anyway, she got me offers from two new shows.
02:37Wow, what are they?
02:38Well, the first one's about a bunch of male nurses,
02:40and I wasn't really crazy about that one.
02:42I mean, I've already been a brain surgeon.
02:45I don't think my fans buy me as a nurse.
02:48Well, they bought you as a brain surgeon.
02:49They're pretty understanding.
02:52Okay, well, it doesn't matter, all right?
02:53Because the other show, it's about a cop, and I'm the star.
02:57Oh, also, it's for cable.
02:59So there's a combination of nudity and swearing that I find intriguing.
03:02I am so proud of you.
03:05Oh.
03:08So, how many bags are we looking for?
03:09Uh, just one.
03:10The rest of my stuff's on a moving truck.
03:12And I gave them your number.
03:13The company's called Movers and Shakers.
03:15They cost a little more, but...
03:17That name cracked me up.
03:20Oh, wait, that was my bag.
03:22That's okay, hold on.
03:23Sir, did you grab that bag?
03:32Well, they do get things done.
03:44Huh?
03:46Wow.
03:47I think I like L.A.
03:49I thought you and Jan Litt should have moved out a long time ago.
03:51Oh, it's a very vibrant gay scene.
03:55Chandler and I are not a gay couple!
03:59Hi.
04:02Okay, this is it.
04:04Your new home.
04:09Oh, my God!
04:11Yeah?
04:12Yeah!
04:12Oh, Gina, thank you for finding this.
04:15Oh, I love it!
04:16Good, because if you didn't, I was going to lie and tell you Tom Cruise used to live here.
04:19Tom Cruise lived here?
04:25Sure he did, honey.
04:26Oh, let me show you the best boy.
04:31Check this out.
04:33Now, sit up here and lean back.
04:38And look over there.
04:41Is that the middle of the Hollywood sign?
04:42That is the Olly Woo sign.
04:49I can see the Olly Woo sign!
04:53And into that woman's bathroom.
04:56And now she sees me looking,
04:57Hi, neighbor!
04:58What's the matter?
05:08I just...
05:10I can't believe I'm here, you know?
05:12It doesn't...
05:13It doesn't feel real.
05:16Oh.
05:17Oh.
05:17And neither do those.
05:24Tina Tribbiani, I dressed it to the stars.
05:27Stars?
05:28Sounds better than he dressed it to mostly Dominicans.
05:30Oh.
05:32Yeah, honey.
05:33Come on up.
05:35It's my Michael.
05:36He's parking.
05:37Oh, great.
05:38Say, what is Michael now?
05:4020?
05:40Yeah.
05:41Don't I look incredible for the mother of an adult son?
05:43Hmm.
05:44It's the good thing about having a kid so young.
05:45Well, you rarely hear the argument for a teen pregnancy.
05:52Ah.
05:56Michael is so excited to see you again.
05:58Oh, and by the way,
05:59I told him I had him when I was 22.
06:01I don't want him to think his mother's a tramp.
06:04Ah.
06:09Uncle Joey!
06:10Hey!
06:11Whoa!
06:11Oh, man!
06:13Oh!
06:14Whoa!
06:14I still think of you as a little kid.
06:18So much for these wings I picked up on the airplane.
06:20Oh, no.
06:21I'll still take them.
06:22Oh, I'm just going to show them to you.
06:29Tell you, Uncle Joey, what you been up to lately.
06:32Well, uh,
06:33now that college is done,
06:34I'm just doing some grad work over at Caltech Center
06:36for simulation of dynamic response materials.
06:38Can you believe he came out of me?
06:45Actually, right now we're designing a mock-up
06:47for an escape module
06:48for the International Space Station.
06:50What are you, rocket scientist?
06:54Yes.
06:56Oh, oh, hi.
06:57Hey, so how do you like living at school, huh?
06:59Oh, no, I still live with Mom.
07:01Oh, man.
07:01That is nice.
07:07Shut up.
07:07We have fun.
07:08Tell them we have fun.
07:09No, I mean, we do have fun.
07:10We have a lot more in common than most moms and sons
07:12because she had me when she was just, like, 22, so...
07:14Right, yeah, 22.
07:16Yeah, that's why we had to change churches.
07:18Michael, where's the lasagna?
07:25Oh, I left it in the car.
07:27Oh, I'll get it.
07:27I'll get it.
07:28Look at that.
07:29So much going on up here.
07:31You can't remember lasagna.
07:32Boy, we are different, you and me.
07:36So, come on.
07:37What else is going on?
07:39Well, actually, I'm thinking about moving out.
07:41Oh, yeah?
07:42Where?
07:42Here with you.
07:46What?
07:46I'm 20 years old, man.
07:48I shouldn't be living with my mom.
07:50Everyone at school makes fun of me.
07:52And it's not like these are the cool kids.
07:53They're not quarterbacks.
07:54Engineers.
07:58But, well, why do you want to live with me?
08:00Well, uh, this may not be a big selling point,
08:03but I have no money for rent.
08:07And, I mean, and also, you're my cool Uncle Joey, you know?
08:09Living with you, that would just, you know...
08:11Yeah, yeah.
08:12Break your mother's heart?
08:14I know.
08:15I know.
08:16Oh.
08:17Listen, I mean, it's going to happen sometime.
08:19I just have to get out of there.
08:20Have you seen the breasts?
08:22See them?
08:22She made me touch them!
08:24She...
08:24Hi!
08:33Whoa!
08:34Whoa!
08:37It's actually not that big of a drop.
08:41Hi.
08:41Uh, some first impression, huh?
08:43Oh, actually, I got my first impression last night.
08:46I saw you out here practicing your judo?
08:48Oh, that wasn't judo.
08:50I had a B on me.
08:52I'm Alex.
08:58Uh, I live next door.
09:00Really?
09:01I'm Joey.
09:02Oh.
09:02Hi.
09:03Hi.
09:04So, you just moved out here?
09:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:06From New York.
09:06Uh, I'm an actor.
09:08Oh, that's cute.
09:09You think being an actor's a big deal.
09:12Everybody out here is an actor.
09:13Yeah, guy in that apartment, actor, actor, actor, porn actor.
09:21Really?
09:22Yeah, he lives above me.
09:25It's not the best.
09:26Uh, so I guess if everyone here is an actor, does it mean you're an actor, too?
09:30Oh, no, actually, I'm a corporate lawyer.
09:33Wow.
09:33What is that?
09:37I represent greedy businesses.
09:39I make the world just a little bit worse.
09:41Were you on Days of Our Lives?
09:45Uh, I took you a minute, but you recognize me, huh?
09:50I'm wearing my Days of Our Lives shirt, aren't I?
09:54Yeah, I did the soap thing, but I'm out here to move beyond that.
09:57I'm actually a very serious actor, yeah.
09:59Romeo!
10:00Oh, Romeo!
10:02Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
10:06That was Romeo.
10:09Actually, that was Juliet.
10:11What?
10:13Yeah, well, Romeo doesn't start a speech saying,
10:15Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
10:19I've done that for, like, a million auditions!
10:26Blue Walls scene, see?
10:28Take two.
10:30And...
10:31Action!
10:31God, I can't believe I'm on a set!
10:50I feel like I should be networking.
10:51Let me go talk to the director.
10:53So, must be pretty cool seeing your uncle star in his own show, huh?
10:56Not as cool as it would be seeing my roommate star in his own show.
10:59Uh, yeah, Michael, about us.
11:01Come on.
11:05I don't think it's a good idea.
11:08Why not?
11:09I don't want to get between you and your mom, all right?
11:11I can't have her mad at me.
11:12When we were kids, she used to torture me.
11:14She hit me all the time.
11:16She used to hold me down and force me to say,
11:18I am gay for David Cassidy.
11:21Who's that?
11:22David Cassidy?
11:23From the Partridge family?
11:24Really, really, really good-looking.
11:26The point is...
11:27I don't want him mad at me, okay?
11:29I'm sorry.
11:33It's okay.
11:34I understand.
11:35All right, good.
11:37We're not gonna believe this.
11:38The director thought I was an actress.
11:40Well, sure.
11:41That's because you got big, fake boobs and you're crazy.
11:43I love it out here.
11:53Sunny and 72 degrees every day.
11:56I don't know what it's like in New York.
11:5771.
11:58Poor bastards.
12:03Hey.
12:04Oh, hey, Alex.
12:05This is my sister, Gina.
12:07Alex lives right next door.
12:08Hey.
12:09You have very beautiful hair.
12:10Oh, thanks.
12:11Hey, if you ever want to sell it, give me a call.
12:20Hey, I like that girl.
12:22Don't be trying to buy her hair.
12:25She could be the future Mrs. Joey Tribbiani.
12:28Or at the very least, the future awkward situation.
12:34Oh, it's my agent, the shark.
12:37Hello.
12:39Hi, Bobby.
12:41Bye.
12:42And?
12:46What?
12:48Why?
12:50Yeah.
12:51Oh, okay.
12:53Bye.
12:55My show is dead.
12:56It's not even gonna air.
12:58Oh, my God.
12:59Did they say why?
13:01People thought it was disgusting.
13:03Jeez.
13:05You defecate on one corpse.
13:11Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
13:13I can't believe this.
13:15How could I go from having two shows to having nothing?
13:20You think you should have done the other show?
13:23The nurses thing?
13:24Oh, no way.
13:25I mean, my thing didn't go, but believe me, no one is gonna watch a show about nurses.
13:30I'm with Sam Baxter, one of the honky stars of the Smashhead Nurses.
13:35Now, Sam, is it true that you actually weren't the first choice for the role?
13:38That's right.
13:39The producers had originally offered the role to someone else.
13:41An actor named Joey Trebany.
13:46Well, wherever he is, I'm sure that Joey Trebany is kicking himself.
13:51Trebany!
13:53Joey Trebany is kicking himself!
13:55Hey, what are you doing here?
14:10I don't know.
14:10Mom told me you'd be clearing out your dressing room today, so I figured I'd come by, cheer you up.
14:15Oh.
14:16What are you cooking?
14:17Uh, spaghetti and meatballs.
14:18It's Grandma's recipe.
14:19It always makes me feel better.
14:21Mom made it for me this one time.
14:22This one time I got a B.
14:23Oh, I got a B once.
14:26Cheated my ass off.
14:31So, was today hard?
14:33Yeah.
14:34I can't believe it.
14:36A week ago, I was the star of a show, and now I'm the guy who turned down nurses.
14:41Which is strange, because in real life, I would never turn down a nurse.
14:47So what do you do now?
14:48I got a meeting with my agent later to try and figure out some kind of game plan.
14:53Hey, they're making a new Indiana Jones movie.
14:57Maybe you can turn that down.
15:05Feeling a little more comfortable around your Uncle Joe, are you?
15:08Hey, this is really nice.
15:13Thanks for doing this.
15:15You know, if you let me be your roommate, you could have this, like, every day.
15:21Michael, look, you're a great kid, and I would love to have you as my roommate, but your mother will flip out.
15:26I mean, uh, you're in!
15:36No, no, no, no, no!
15:38Oh, hey, Joey.
15:46Have a seat, doll.
15:48Hey, thanks for seeing me, Bobby.
15:49Look, I know we blew it by turning down that nurses thing, but I gotta believe there is something bigger for me right around the corner.
15:57Listen, you are living in a dream world.
16:02Excuse me?
16:03That nurses show is huge.
16:06Everyone involved with it is gonna become insanely rich, and it's gonna haunt you for the rest of your life.
16:12But my job is to keep up your morale.
16:16I do feel better.
16:19Look, I'm a straight shooter, but I'll tell you something else about me.
16:25I am the best.
16:27There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you.
16:31I would throw on a meat skirt and wrestle a lion.
16:36I would pull off my own ears and eat them.
16:42That's gross.
16:44I am gonna get you through this.
16:48I tell you, next year, I am gonna find you a show that'll blow this nurses thing right out of the...
16:55What the hell am I saying?
16:58Nothing's gonna top that!
17:03Uh, well, uh, hold on.
17:04Next year?
17:05No, no, no.
17:06I need to get something now.
17:08Well, I got nothing.
17:11Zilch.
17:12Zero.
17:13Neda!
17:15There's gotta be something.
17:17Well, they do need a host for this new entertainment news show.
17:21It's not really acting.
17:23But it may work since you have such a tremendous head.
17:31I do?
17:32Oh, come on.
17:33We don't have time for this.
17:37Thanks, Bobby.
17:38Looks like you got a big barrel on your shoulders.
17:52Gina, where have you been?
17:54My audition's in half an hour.
17:56Sorry.
17:56I'll give you a little trim.
17:57It'll take two minutes.
17:58Hey, uh, any sign of my stuff?
18:01Are the movers called?
18:02No.
18:02Oh, stupid movers and shakers.
18:07I can't be mad at those guys.
18:12Hey, do me a favor.
18:13See if you can make my head look a little smaller.
18:15You know, I can't do this.
18:20I'm too upset.
18:22What's the matter?
18:25Michael said he was moving out.
18:27Uh, did he say who he was moving in with?
18:30No, why?
18:31Oh, no reason.
18:32Uh, but, you know, if you think about it, Gina, this could be a good thing.
18:36You, uh, you could have more time for your hairdressing.
18:40Oh, please.
18:41I'm not much of a hairdresser anyway.
18:43I only started cutting hair because Channel 5 exposed me as the Southland's most dangerous dental technician.
18:52That was some damning footage.
18:57I just don't know what I'm going to do without him.
18:59He's my baby.
19:03Hey, come on.
19:04No, really.
19:05I don't have much to be proud of.
19:08But him I did right.
19:14I gotta take this.
19:16What?
19:17Yeah.
19:18Oh, I gotta lead on some blonde hair.
19:24And some good straight stuff.
19:29Okay, we've got a big problem.
19:32I just told Mom I was moving out.
19:33She went crazy.
19:34I don't know what she's going to do when she hears I'm living with you.
19:37Well, let's find out.
19:41Why didn't you tell me she was here?
19:43You couldn't tell I was getting a haircut?
19:46You think I just walk around my apartment in a cake?
19:48He's going to live here.
19:53Are you kidding me?
19:54Mom, look.
19:55This was my idea.
19:56That's true.
19:57Sure.
19:57I bet you landed right away.
19:58He begged you.
19:59Please get me away from my mother.
20:01I cannot believe you would do this to me.
20:09Hey, Gina.
20:10Mom.
20:11Gina, wait up.
20:11Mom.
20:12Gina.
20:14Oh, my God.
20:16I know.
20:16I know.
20:20I could eat a really big lobster in this.
20:22Okay, Joey.
20:32The audition's very simple.
20:34Three cameras.
20:35Each one has a teleprompter beneath the lens and a red light on top.
20:39Whichever red light is lit, that's the camera you address.
20:41The producer will watch you from that monitor.
20:44Jeez.
20:45Is that a man or a woman?
20:46And you're miked.
20:49Okay.
20:50Let's do this.
20:51We're going to roll.
20:52Joey Tribbiani, audition in five, four, three.
20:56Welcome to Hollywood Minute.
20:57I'm name.
21:02Can I start again?
21:04Whenever you're ready.
21:05Okay.
21:08Welcome to Hollywood Minute.
21:10I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are today's top stories.
21:13Well, even though she's on vacation.
21:16Joey, you didn't switch cameras.
21:18Oh.
21:19Did the light change?
21:20Yeah.
21:21Even though you're reading, you need to be aware of when the light changes.
21:25That's really the best way to do this?
21:28Okay, let's try it again in five, four, three.
21:33Welcome to Hollywood Minute.
21:35I'm Joey Tribbiani, and here are today's top stories.
21:38Well, even though she's on vacation, Jennifer Lopez is in the news today.
21:44More, more on that story later.
21:46But first, let's check out the box office returns for this weekend.
21:50Topping the list for the third week in a...
21:52Man, that is one fast red light.
21:54Topping the list.
21:55Topping the list.
21:58No, I know it's not that one.
22:00Where the hell is it?
22:02Okay, Joey.
22:03Thanks for coming in.
22:04No, no, no.
22:04I'm getting the hang of it.
22:05Please, Mr. or Miss, producer.
22:09I need this job.
22:10I can do this.
22:11You're looking at the wrong camera.
22:12Damn it!
22:13Romeo!
22:15Oh, Romeo!
22:28Hey.
22:29Hey.
22:30What's wrong?
22:32Uh, I just blew an audition to host this stupid entertainment show.
22:37Oh.
22:38Well, is that even acting?
22:39No.
22:40It's just following a really fast red light.
22:43I'm sorry.
22:45If it helps, I had a really rough day at work, too.
22:48The company I represent can't drill for oil in Yosemite.
22:53Well, if we're both bummed, you want to go be bummed together?
22:57Maybe we could get something to eat.
22:58Oh, I wish I could.
22:59I have to go to the airport to pick up my husband.
23:03Oh.
23:05You're married?
23:07You didn't know?
23:08Didn't you see the ring?
23:09Yeah.
23:09Yeah, I saw a ring, but it's not on your left hand, so...
23:12Yeah, it is.
23:17If you say so.
23:20See you, Joey.
23:20Okay.
23:28Hey.
23:29Hey, did you know that girl next door is married?
23:31Oh, I can't talk to that girl.
23:34She makes my stutter come back.
23:35Uh, can I talk to you?
23:40Look, Michael, if we're going to be roommates, you should know, there are going to be times
23:43when I'm not going to want to talk.
23:44I'm just going to want to eat the spaghetti you made for me.
23:48Um, actually...
23:50Well, I'm not going to be your roommate.
23:55What?
23:55Why?
23:57I don't know.
23:58I talked it over with my mom, and she was...
24:00Oh, Michael, don't listen to her.
24:01She's a selfish, crazy...
24:03Okay, we need a signal for which he's here.
24:07Come on, Michael.
24:07We're leaving.
24:08Look, Gina, this is nuts.
24:10He's a man, okay?
24:12He's graduated college.
24:14He shaves.
24:15He sleeps with women.
24:17I do shave.
24:19Come on.
24:20You have to let him go.
24:22Oh, yeah?
24:23Oh!
24:25You can hurt me all you want.
24:27He's going to move out sometime.
24:28Not if I can help it.
24:29Look, Gina, I know he's your baby, but it's time to move on.
24:33Change can be good.
24:35Oh, it's easy for you to say.
24:36No, it's not.
24:38No.
24:39Look.
24:41Nobody understands wanting things to stay the same like I do.
24:45I was happy in New York.
24:46Okay?
24:47And I tried really hard to keep things from changing,
24:49but everyone else got married and had kids and moved on.
24:53They all changed.
24:56So I'm giving change a shot, and it has been hard.
25:03But, okay, just hoping things stay the same, it doesn't work.
25:13Well, you're smarter than you used to be.
25:16No, I don't know where that came from.
25:28You know he's a slob, right?
25:30You know how you like everything nice and clean in its own little place?
25:34It's going to be sauce on everything you own.
25:36I don't know how it happens.
25:43Mom, that's okay.
25:45If this is really what you want.
25:54Thank you, Mom.
25:58I'm just going to miss you, that's all.
26:01It's been the two of us for such a long time.
26:04Yeah, well, now it's the three of us.
26:06You gave your speech.
26:07Enough.
26:08Are you sure you're going to be okay?
26:13Gina, he's going to be fine.
26:15He's old enough to move out.
26:17You were raising a kid when you were 16.
26:18How did I not figure that out?
26:30I mean, I took calculus when I was eight.
26:35You're dead.
26:36Okay, now Gina, back off.
26:37I don't want to hurt you.
26:38I am?
26:39I'm gay for David Cassidy.
26:44I'm gay for David Cassidy.
26:55Come on.
26:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:59Everything's going to be all right.
27:01All right, y'all.
27:02All right, y'all.
27:03You want to be all right, you got to watch all.
27:05Come on.
27:06Everything's going to be all right.
27:08Everything's going to be all right, man.
27:11All right, y'all.
27:12All right, y'all.
27:13You want to be all right, you got to watch all.
27:15Where's the?
27:16Let's go there.
27:17All right, y'all.
27:18You want to be all right, you got to watch all.
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