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BSTVSHOWS
  • 2 days ago
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00:00okay if no one else will say it I will we really suck at paintball that was absolutely humiliating
00:14oh come on some battles you win some battles you lose yes but you don't have to lose to
00:18Kyle Bernstein's bar mitzvah party I think we have to acknowledge those were some fairly
00:25savage pre-adolescent Jews no we were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some
00:33people to follow the chain of command Sheldon let it go no I want to talk about the fact that
00:37Wallowitz shot me in the back I shot you for good reason you were leading us into disaster
00:43I was giving clear concise orders you hid behind a tree yelling get the kid in the armchair get the
00:50kidney armchair oh hey guys hello morning ma'am so how was paintball do you have fun sure if you
00:58consider being fragged by your own troops fun you clear space on your calendar there will be an
01:03inquiry okay um hey I'm having a party on Saturday so if you guys are around you should come by a party
01:10yeah a boy girl party well there will be boys and there will be girls and it is a party it'll just
01:19be a bunch of my friends we'll have some beer do a little dancing dancing yeah I don't know Penny
01:23the thing is we're not we're really more of no thanks thanks for thinking of us are you sure
01:30come on it's Halloween a Halloween party as in costumes well yeah
01:35is there a theme yeah Halloween yes but other costumes random or genre specific as usual I'm not
01:52following he's asking if we can come as anyone from science fiction fantasy sure what about comic
01:58books fine anime of course TV film D&D manga Greek gods Roma gods Norse gods anything you want okay
02:05any costume you want bye gentlemen to the sewing machines our whole universe was in a hot
02:1710th state that nearly 14 million years ago expansion started waiting the earth began to cool the
02:23autotropes began to drool me and recalls develop tools we built a wall we built a mirror that's
02:27math science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
02:32math history that all started with a big bang I'll get it oh no oh no make way for the fastest man alive
03:00not alive oh no see this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting we all have other costumes we can
03:07change or we could walk right behind each other all night it'll look like one person going really
03:12fast no no no it's a boy-girl party this flash runs solo okay how about this nobody gets to be the flash we
03:28all change agreed agreed agreed I call Frodo
03:35hey sorry I'm late but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus you went with Thor what just because I'm
03:52Indian, I can't be a Norse God? No, no, no, Raj has to be an Indian God. That's racism. I mean,
04:00look at Wolowitz. He's not English, but he's dressed like Peter Pan. Sheldon is neither sound
04:05nor light, but he's obviously the Doppler effect. I'm not Peter Pan, I'm Robin Hood. Really? Because
04:16I saw Peter Pan and you're dressed exactly like Kathy Rigby. She was a little bigger than you,
04:21but it's basically the same look, man. Hey, Sheldon, there's something I want to talk to you about
04:26before we go to the party. I don't care if anybody gets it, I'm going as the Doppler effect.
04:32No, it's not... If I ask you, I can demonstrate.
04:38Terrific. Um, this party is my first chance for Penny to see me in the context of her social group,
04:46and I need you not to embarrass me tonight. Well, what exactly do you mean by embarrass
04:52you? For example, tonight no one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey. But is there
04:58something embarrassing about that? Your father worked with Louis Leakey, a great anthropologist.
05:03It had nothing to do with your bad wedding. All I'm saying is that this party is the perfect
05:09opportunity for Penny to see me as a member of her peer group, a potential close friend,
05:14and perhaps more. I don't want to look like a dork.
05:29Just a heads up, fellas, if anyone gets lucky, I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver.
05:35Oh, hey, guys. Hey, sorry we're late.
05:39Late? It's 7.05.
05:40And you said the party starts at 7.
05:42Well, yeah, I mean, when you start a party at 7, no one shows up at, you know, 7.
05:48It's 7.05.
05:51Yes. Yes, it is. Okay. Well, um, come on in.
06:02What, are all the girls in the bathroom?
06:05Probably, but in their own homes.
06:07So what time does the costume parade start?
06:12The parade?
06:13Yeah, so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume.
06:16You know, most frightening, most authentic, most accurate visualization of a scientific principle.
06:23Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry, but there aren't going to be any parades or judges or prizes.
06:27This party is just going to suck.
06:32Oh, come on, it's going to be fun.
06:34And you all look great.
06:35I mean, look at you, Thor and, and, oh, Peter Pan, that's so cute.
06:39Actually, Penny, he's wrong.
06:40It's not Peter Pan!
06:43And I got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it.
06:45No, you don't.
06:51Uh, hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be?
06:53Oh, he's the Doppler effect.
06:55Yes.
06:56It's the apparent change in the frequency of a wave caused by relative motion between the source of the wave and the observer.
07:03Oh, sure, I see it.
07:05Now the Doppler effect.
07:07All right, I got to shower.
07:08You guys, um, make yourselves comfortable.
07:10Okay.
07:13See?
07:14People get it.
07:15Bye, audience, dear.
07:29This is good sex mix.
07:31No thanks, peanuts.
07:33I can't afford to swell up in these tights.
07:36I'm confused.
07:37If there's no costume parade, what are we doing here?
07:40We're socializing.
07:42Meeting new people.
07:44Telepathically?
07:44Oh, hey, when did you get here?
07:48Hi.
07:49Danny is wearing the worst cat-tube costume I've ever seen, and that includes aliberrys.
07:54She's not Catwoman.
07:56She's just a generic cat.
07:57And that's the kind of sloppy costuming which results from a lack of rules and competition.
08:04Hey, guys, check out the sexy nurse.
08:05I believe it's time for me.
08:06I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.
08:12What is your move?
08:13I'm going to use the mirror technique.
08:15She brushes her hair back.
08:16I brush my hair back.
08:17She shrugs.
08:18I shrug.
08:18Subconsciously, she's thinking we're in sync.
08:20We belong together.
08:21Where do you get this stuff?
08:24You know, psychology journals.
08:25Internet research.
08:26And there's this great show on VH1 about how to pick up the roles.
08:30Oh, if only I had this confidence.
08:35I've such difficulty speaking to women.
08:37Or around women.
08:38Or at times even effeminate men.
08:40If that's a working stethoscope, maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat.
08:47No, thanks.
08:49No, seriously, you can't.
08:49I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
08:58I want to get to know Penny's friends.
09:00I just...
09:00I don't know how to talk to these people.
09:03Well, I actually might be able to help.
09:06How so?
09:07Like Jane Goodall observing the apes.
09:10I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured.
09:13But patterns emerge.
09:15They have their own language, if you will.
09:18Go on.
09:20Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting,
09:24How wasted am I?
09:26Which is met with an approving chorus of,
09:28Dude.
09:30Then what happens?
09:31That's as far as I've gotten.
09:34This is ridiculous.
09:36I'm jumping in.
09:37Good luck.
09:38Oh, you're coming with me.
09:39Oh, I hardly think so.
09:41Come on.
09:42Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
09:44Yes, but I need a wingman.
09:47All right.
09:48But if we're going to use flight metaphors,
09:50I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA analyzing wreckage.
09:53Oh, hi.
09:57Hi.
09:58Hello.
09:58So what are you supposed to be?
10:01Me?
10:02I'll give you a hint.
10:04Meow.
10:07A choo-choo train?
10:08Close.
10:10Meow.
10:11Meow.
10:12A brain damaged choo-choo train?
10:14How wasted am I?
10:19How wasted am I?
10:27I still don't get it.
10:29I'm the Doppler effect.
10:31Okay, if that is some sort of learning disability, I think it's very insensitive.
10:37Why don't you just tell people you're a zebra?
10:40Why don't you just tell people you're one of the seven dwarves?
10:43Because I'm Frodo.
10:44Yes, well, I'm the Doppler effect.
10:48Oh, no.
10:49What?
10:50That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.
10:52What do you suppose he's doing here?
10:54Besides disrupting the local gravity field?
10:57If he were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
11:00Oh, snap.
11:03So I guess we'll be leaving now.
11:05Why should we leave?
11:07For all we know, he crashed the party and Penny doesn't even want him here.
11:12You have a backup hypothesis?
11:14Maybe they just want to be friends.
11:17Or maybe she wants to be friends and he wants something more.
11:20Then he and I are on equal ground.
11:22Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.
11:26Look, if this was 15,000 years ago, by virtue of his size and strength,
11:31Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners.
11:33And male partners, animal partners, large primordial eggplants,
11:36pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.
11:39Yes, but our society has undergone a paradigm shift.
11:42In the information aid, Sheldon, you and I are the alpha males.
11:46We shouldn't have to back down.
11:48True.
11:48Why don't you text him that and see if he backs down?
11:52No.
11:52I'm going to assert my dominance face to face.
11:58Face to face?
11:59Are you going to wait for him to sit down or are you going to stand on the coffee table?
12:03Hello, Penny.
12:05Hello, Kurt.
12:05Oh, hey, guys.
12:06You having a good time?
12:07Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system.
12:13All right, you're a zebra, right?
12:15I've got another child left behind.
12:18What are you supposed to be, an elf?
12:20No, I'm a hobbit.
12:22What's the difference?
12:23A hobbit is a mortal halfling inhabitant of Middle-earth, whereas an elf is an immortal tall warrior.
12:29So why the hell would you want to be a hobbit?
12:32Because he's neither tall nor immortal, and none of us could be the Flash.
12:37Well, whatever.
12:38Why don't you go hop off on a quest?
12:40I'm talking to Penny here.
12:41I think we're all talking to Penny here.
12:43I'm not.
12:44No offense.
12:44Okay, maybe you didn't hear me.
12:47Go away.
12:48All right, Kurt, be nice.
12:49Oh, I am being nice.
12:52Right, little buddy?
12:53Kurt.
12:54Okay.
12:56I understand your impulse to try to physically intimidate me.
13:00I mean, you can't compete with me on an intellectual level, and so you're driven to animalistic puffery.
13:05Calling me a puffy animal?
13:07Of course not.
13:08No, he's not.
13:09You're not, right, Leonard?
13:11No, I said animalistic.
13:13I mean, of course, we're all animals, but some of us have climbed a little higher on
13:17the evolutionary tree.
13:18If he understands that, you're in trouble.
13:20So what?
13:21I'm unevolved?
13:22You're in trouble.
13:24I know you use a lot of big words for such a little dwarf.
13:28Okay, Kurt, please.
13:29Penny, it's okay.
13:30I can handle this.
13:32I am not a dwarf.
13:34I'm a hobbit.
13:35A hobbit.
13:36Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing the conversion from short-term to long-term memory?
13:43Okay, now you're starting to make me mad.
13:47A homo habilis discovering his opposable thumb says what?
13:51What?
13:52I think I've made my point.
13:58Yeah?
13:59How about to make a point out of your pointy little head?
14:01Let me remind you, while my moral support is absolute, in a physical confrontation, I will
14:05be less than useless.
14:06There's not going to be a confrontation.
14:09In fact, I doubt if he can even spell confrontation.
14:14C-O-N-Frontation.
14:19Kurt, put him down this instant.
14:21He started it.
14:22I don't care.
14:23I'm finishing it.
14:23Put him down.
14:25Fine.
14:28You're one lucky little leprechaun.
14:29He's a hobbit.
14:33I got your back.
14:36Hey, Leonard, are you okay?
14:37Yeah, no, I'm fine.
14:41It's good.
14:42It's a good party.
14:43Thanks for having me.
14:43It's just getting a little late, so...
14:45Okay.
14:47All right.
14:47Well, thank you for coming.
14:51Happy Halloween.
14:52If it's any consolation, I thought that Homo habilis line really put him in his place.
15:09What's that?
15:10Tea.
15:12When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages.
15:22There, there.
15:27You want to talk about it?
15:28No.
15:29Good.
15:31There, there was really all I had.
15:34Good night, Sheldon.
15:35Good night, Leonard.
15:43Hey, Leonard.
15:44Hi, Penny.
15:45Hey, I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
15:47I'm fine.
15:48Look, I am so sorry about what happened.
15:53But it's not your fault.
15:54Yes, it is.
15:55That's why I broke up with him.
15:57He always does stuff like that.
16:00So why was he at your party?
16:03Well, I ran into him last week, and he was just all apologetic about how he's changed,
16:10and he was just going on and on, and I believed him, and I'm an idiot because I always believe
16:15guy's like that, and I can't go back to my party because he's there, and I know you don't
16:19want to hear this, and I'm upset, and I'm really drunk, and I just want to go again.
16:31There, there.
16:36Dad, what is wrong with me?
16:38Nothing.
16:39You're perfect.
16:40I'm not perfect.
16:41Yes, you are.
16:42You really think so, don't you?
17:00Honey?
17:01Yeah?
17:03How much of you had to drink tonight?
17:08Just a lot.
17:10Are you sure that you're being drunk and you're being angry with Kurt doesn't have something
17:16to do with what's going on here?
17:19It might.
17:23Well, you're really smart.
17:25Yeah, I'm a freaking genius.
17:32Leonard, you are so great.
17:34Why can't all guys be like you?
17:35Because if all guys were like me, the human race couldn't survive.
17:44I should probably go.
17:46Probably.
17:56That's right.
18:07You saw what you saw.
18:11That's how we roll in the Shire.
18:20Coming.
18:21Coming.
18:21Coming.
18:21Coming.
18:26Have you seen Kutra Pauly?
18:29He's not here.
18:30Maybe the Avengers summoned him.
18:34It's not the Marvel Comics story.
18:35He's the original Norse God.
18:37Thank you for the clarification.
18:39I'm supposed to give him a ride home.
18:40I'm sure he'll be fine.
18:42He has his hammer.
18:43Well, I have to say, you are an amazing man.
18:55You're gentle and passionate.
18:58And my God, you are such a good listener.
19:01I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:02I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:02I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:03I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:03I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:04I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:05I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:05I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:06I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:07I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:08I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:09I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:10I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:11I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:12I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:13I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:14I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:15I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:16I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:17I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:18I'm sure he'll be fine.
19:19I'm sure he'll be fine.