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00:00Here you go. Pad Thai, no peanut.
00:03Does it have peanut oil?
00:04I'm not sure. Everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up.
00:09Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine.
00:12Are there any chopsticks?
00:14You don't need chopsticks. This is Thai food.
00:15Here we go.
00:16Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the 19th century.
00:19Interestingly, they don't actually put the fork in their mouth.
00:21They use it to put the food on a spoon, which then goes into their mouth.
00:25Ask him for a napkin. I dare you.
00:27I'll get it.
00:30Do I look puffy? I feel puffy.
00:34Hey, Leonard.
00:35Oh, hi, Penny.
00:35Am I interrupting?
00:36No.
00:37You're not swelling, Howard.
00:38No, no. Look at my fingers. They're like Vienna sausages.
00:41Sounds like you have company.
00:42They're not going anywhere.
00:45So you're coming home from work. That's great. How was work?
00:47Well, you know, it's a cheesecake factory. People order cheesecake and I bring it to them.
00:51So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system.
00:57Yeah, call it whatever you want. I get minimum wage.
01:01Yeah.
01:02Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me out with something.
01:04Yes.
01:05Oh.
01:06Okay, great. I'm having some furniture delivered tomorrow and I may not be here, so...
01:09Oh.
01:12Hello.
01:12I'm sorry?
01:18Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
01:21No, I haven't.
01:22Get used to it.
01:24Yeah, I probably won't.
01:27Hey, Sheldon.
01:27Hi.
01:28Hey, Raj.
01:28Still not talking to me, huh?
01:32Don't take it personally. It's his pathology. He can't talk to women.
01:35He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case, a cheesecake-scented goddess.
01:40So, there's going to be some furniture delivered?
01:43Yeah, yeah. If it gets here and I'm not here tomorrow, could you just sign for it and have them put them in my apartment?
01:47Yeah, no problem.
01:47Great. Here's my spare key. Thank you.
01:49Honey, wait. Yeah.
01:54Um, if you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?
02:00A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?
02:03You're kidding, right?
02:06You know, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her.
02:10Which one was that?
02:11One.
02:13You realize that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.
02:16Yes, I know. Men can't fly.
02:18No, no. Let's assume that they can.
02:22Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second.
02:25Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel.
02:28Miss Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles an hour,
02:31hits them and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
02:36Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
02:40In what space, sir? In what space? She's two feet above the ground.
02:44Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It'd be a more merciful death.
02:48Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
02:54Are you listening to yourself?
02:55It is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
02:58It is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from exposure to Earth's yellow sun.
03:02And you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?
03:04A combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.
03:10I'm just gonna go wash up.
03:12I have 2,600 comic books in there. I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.
03:18Challenge accepted.
03:19We're locked out.
03:24Also, they're pretty good left.
03:25Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state that nearly 14 billion years ago, expansion started way around.
03:34The Earth began to cool. The autotrophs began to drool.
03:37The Anderthals developed tools. We built a wall.
03:39We built a pyramid.
03:40Maps, I exist to be unraveling.
03:42The mystery that all started with a big bang.
03:44Okay, her apartment's on the fourth floor, but the elevator's broken, so you're gonna have to...
03:53Oh, you're just gonna be done? Okay, cool. Thanks.
03:57I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.
03:59I hardly think so.
04:01Why not?
04:03Well, we don't have a dolly or lifting belts or any measurable upper body strength.
04:08We don't need strength. We're physicists.
04:11We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes.
04:13Give me a fulcrum and a lever, and I can move the Earth.
04:15It's just a matter of... I don't have this. I don't have this. I do not have this.
04:19Archimedes would be so proud.
04:27Do you have any ideas?
04:29Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
04:33Easy.
04:35Easy.
04:39Okay.
04:40Now we've got an inclined plane.
04:42The force required to lift is reduced by the sign of the angle of the stairs.
04:45Call it 30 degrees, so about half.
04:47Exactly half.
04:50Exactly, yeah.
04:53Let's push.
04:56Okay.
04:58See, it's moving. This is easy.
05:00All the math.
05:01What's your formula for the corner?
05:03What?
05:07Oh.
05:08Okay.
05:09Uh...
05:10Okay, yeah, no problem.
05:11Just come up here and help me pull in turn.
05:13Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
05:22You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman.
05:27Men do things for women without expecting sex.
05:31Yeah, those would be men who just had sex.
05:35I'm doing this to be a good neighbor.
05:38In any case, there's no way I could lower the odds.
05:41Ah.
05:43Almost there.
05:45Almost there.
05:46Almost there.
05:48No, we're not.
05:48No, we're not.
05:49No, we're not.
05:49Watch your fingers.
05:52Watch your fingers.
05:53Yeah.
05:53Ow, God!
05:53My fingers!
05:56You okay?
05:57No.
05:58We heard great Caesar's ghost look at this place.
06:03So, Penny's a little messy.
06:05A little messy?
06:06The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy.
06:09This is chaos.
06:11Excuse me.
06:12Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid.
06:16And I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale.
06:23Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organize, and label the entire world around them?
06:30No.
06:32Well, they don't.
06:34Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.
06:40Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.
06:42Come on, we should go.
06:46Hang on.
06:49What are you doing?
06:50I'm straightening up.
06:52Sheldon, this is not your home.
06:53This is not anyone's home.
06:54This is a swirling vortex of entropy.
06:59When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place.
07:02Because it was immaculate.
07:03I mean, you opened that man's closet, it was left to right.
07:06Evening gowns, cocktail dresses, and his police uniforms.
07:09What were you doing in his closet?
07:12I helped him run some cable for a webcam.
07:14Hey, guys.
07:15Oh, hey, Penny.
07:16This just arrived.
07:17We just brought this up.
07:17Just now.
07:19Great.
07:19Was it hard getting up the stairs?
07:21No.
07:21No?
07:22No.
07:23No.
07:26We'll get out of your hair.
07:27Okay, great.
07:27Thank you again.
07:31Penny, I just want you to know that you don't have to live like this.
07:35I'm here for you.
07:40What's he talking about?
07:43It's a joke.
07:43I don't get it.
07:44Yeah, he didn't tell it right.
07:56Sheldon?
07:57Sheldon?
08:05Hello?
08:13Hello?
08:13Hello?
08:13Sheldon!
08:35Shhh!
08:38Penny's sleeping.
08:41Are you insane?
08:43You can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean.
08:46I had no choice.
08:48I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room.
08:51And just outside our living room was that hallway.
08:53And immediately adjacent to that hallway was...
08:55This.
08:57Do you realize that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here?
09:03I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
09:05No, no.
09:06You gave me an explanation.
09:08It's reasonable.
09:09This will be determined by a jury of your peers.
09:11Don't be ridiculous.
09:13I have no peers.
09:15You have to get out of here.
09:19You might want to speak in a lower register.
09:22What?
09:24Evolution has made women sensitive to high-pitched noises while they sleep so that they'll be roused by a crying baby.
09:29If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.
09:32That's ridiculous.
09:34That's ridiculous.
09:38No?
09:40That's ridiculous.
09:45Fine.
09:45I accept your premise.
09:49Now, please, let's go.
09:50I'm not leaving until I'm done.
09:56If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.
09:59Oh, what the hell?
10:04Oh, what the hell?
10:11Morning.
10:13Morning.
10:13I have to say, I slept splendidly.
10:18Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.
10:21I'm not surprised.
10:22A well-known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbor's apartment and clean.
10:25Sarcasm?
10:29You think?
10:31Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement to Penny's quality of life.
10:37You know what?
10:38You convinced me.
10:38Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo or carpet.
10:41You don't think that crosses a line?
10:43Yes.
10:44For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
10:49You have a sarcasm sign?
10:54No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.
10:56You want some cereal?
10:58I feel so good today, I'm going to choose from the low-fiber end of the shelf.
11:01Hello, honeypuffs.
11:03Son of a bitch!
11:06Penny's up.
11:08You sick of a geeky bastard!
11:11How did she know it was us?
11:14I may have left a suggested organizational schematic for her bedroom closet.
11:19Leonard!
11:20God, this is going to be bad.
11:21Goodbye, honeypuffs.
11:22Hello, big brand.
11:23You came to my apartment last night while I was sleeping?
11:27Yes, but only to clean.
11:28Really, more to organize.
11:29You're not actually dirty, per se.
11:31Give me back my key.
11:34I'm very, very sorry.
11:36Do you understand how creepy this is?
11:38Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night.
11:40In my apartment while I was sleeping.
11:42And snoring.
11:43And that's probably just a sinus infection.
11:45But it could be sleep apnea.
11:47You might want to see an otolaryngologist.
11:48The throat doctor.
11:54And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
11:58Depending on the depth.
11:59That's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.
12:03Oh.
12:13Good.
12:13Look, look, no, Penny, I think what you're feeling is perfectly valid.
12:16And maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little less, for lack of a better word, violated.
12:20Maybe we can talk about this some more.
12:22Stay away from me.
12:23Sure, that's another way to go.
12:24Penny, Penny, hold on.
12:26Just to clarify, because there will be a discussion when you leave.
12:30Is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping?
12:35Or do you also object to the imposition of a new organizational paradigm?
12:45Well, that was a little non-responsive.
12:48You were going to march yourself over there right now and apologize.
12:55What's funny?
12:57That wasn't sarcasm?
12:59No!
13:00Oh, boy, you are all over the place this morning.
13:07I have a master's and two PhDs.
13:08I should not have to do this.
13:11What?
13:12I am truly sorry for what happened last night.
13:15I take full responsibility.
13:16And I hope that it won't color your opinion of Leonard,
13:19who is not only a wonderful guy,
13:21but also I hear a gentle and thorough lover.
13:24I did what I could.
13:37I did what I could.
13:42Hey, Rush.
13:42Hey, listen.
13:48I don't know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon,
13:51but I'm really upset about it.
13:53I mean, they just, they let themselves into my place and then they cleaned it.
13:56I mean, can you even believe that?
13:57How weird is that?
13:58Oh, she's standing very close to me.
14:01Oh, my.
14:02She does smell good.
14:03What is that?
14:05Vanilla?
14:05Well, I mean, you know, where I come from,
14:08if someone comes into your house at night, you shoot.
14:10Okay?
14:11And you don't shoot till wound.
14:12I mean, all right, my sister shot her husband,
14:14but it was an accident.
14:15They were drunk.
14:17What was I saying?
14:19She's so chatty.
14:21Maybe my parents are right.
14:23Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl.
14:25We'd have the same cultural background,
14:26and my wife could sing to my children the same lalabas my mother sang to me.
14:30It's obvious that they met well,
14:31but I'm just, I'm having a really rough time.
14:33Like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend,
14:34and it's freaking me out.
14:35Munna, Munna, Baba, Sonja, Baba.
14:40I mean, just because most of the men I've known in my life happen to be jerks,
14:44doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are.
14:46Right?
14:48She asked me a question.
14:49I should probably not.
14:50That's exactly what I thought.
14:54Thank you for listening.
14:55You're a doll.
14:58Uh-oh.
14:59Turn your pelvis.
15:13Grab a napkin, homie.
15:14You just got served.
15:18It's fine.
15:18You win.
15:20What's his problem?
15:22His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
15:26Been there.
15:30Hello.
15:31Sorry I'm late,
15:32but I was in the hallway chatting up Penny.
15:35Really?
15:35You?
15:36Rajesh Kuthrapali spoke to Penny?
15:38Actually, I was less the chatter than the chatty.
15:41What did she say?
15:42Is she still mad at me?
15:44Well, she was upset at first, but probably because his sister shot somebody.
15:47Then there was something about you, and then she hugged me.
15:52She hugged you?
15:54How'd she hug you?
15:55Is that her perfume I smell?
16:05Intoxicating, isn't it?
16:09Yes.
16:10Oh.
16:11Oh.
16:11Hi.
16:26Oh.
16:27What's going on?
16:30Uh, here's the thing.
16:36Penny.
16:37Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgment.
16:48The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognize one's mistakes.
16:52Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie's discovery of radium, turned out to have great scientific potential, even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning.
17:02Another example from the field of Ebola research...
17:04Letter.
17:06Yeah.
17:07We're okay.
17:29Six two-inch dowels?
17:30Check.
17:31One package Phillips-head screws?
17:33Check.
17:33You guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay?
17:35I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was, like, 12.
17:37I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media center.
17:40No, please, we insist.
17:41It's the least we can do, considering.
17:43Considering what?
17:44How great this place looks?
17:47Oh, boy, I was afraid of this.
17:49What?
17:49These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components.
17:54This right here is why Sweden has no space program.
17:58Well, it looks pretty good in the store.
18:00It is an inefficient design.
18:01For example, Penny has a flat-screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.
18:05We could put our stereo back there.
18:06And control it how?
18:08Run an infrared repeater.
18:09Photo cell here.
18:10Emitter here.
18:10Easy peasy.
18:11Good point.
18:13How are you going to cool it?
18:14Hey, guys, I got this.
18:15Hang on, Penny.
18:16How about fans?
18:17Here and here.
18:19Also inefficient.
18:20Dan might be loud.
18:20How about liquid cool?
18:21Maybe a little aquarium pump here.
18:22Run some quarter-inch PVC.
18:24Guys, this is actually really simple.
18:27Hold on, honey.
18:28Minute work.
18:31PVC comes down here.
18:32Maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here.
18:34Really?
18:35Show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice, and an overflow reservoir.
18:37Hey, if water's involved, we're going to have to ground the crap out of the thing.
18:40Guys, it's hot in here.
18:41I think I'll just take off all my clothes.
18:48Oh, I've got it.
18:51What about if we replace panels A, B, and F in crossbar H with aircraft-grade aluminum?
18:55Right, then the entire thing's one big heat sink.
18:57Perfect.
18:57Leonard, why don't you and Sheldon go down to the junkyard and pick up about six square meters
19:00of scrap aluminum.
19:01Raj and I will run down to my lab and get the oxyacetylene tour.
19:03Meet back here in an hour?
19:03Done.
19:04Got it.
19:08Okay, this place does look pretty good.
19:10Ha!
19:10Ha!
19:11Ha!