- 2 days ago
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00:00Previously on Resident Alien
00:11There is a deadly manta running around
00:14I called in Agent Jules Gardner to assist us in the investigation
00:17This has serial killer written all over it
00:19I'm sure we'll catch whoever it is in no time
00:21So I killed a manta
00:24It is God's
00:25I will take two boxes
00:27And this is yours too
00:28We don't even need that implant to watch you
00:30We're watching you anyway
00:31We're everywhere
00:31If Grace show up looking for her, we'll see them
00:34I set up inner cameras
00:35I don't know where she is
00:37I want you to meet your kids
00:38Heather, I'm actually a human
00:40What?
00:40You deserve to have what we had before
00:43I can no longer give you that
00:44Running has existed in the universe for billions of years
00:57As a necessary part of a creature's survival
00:59Modern humans do this too
01:02But they call it jogging
01:03Well, I can't stop my feelings from running away
01:06I can't stop
01:08If a human from a million years ago saw us running for fun
01:13He would laugh and laugh
01:14Until the sound brought a woolly mammoth to eat him
01:18Can't stop, I just can't stop
01:20I just can't stop
01:20Can't stop that
01:23Can't stop
01:24I just can't stop
01:25I can't stop
01:39Because humans have diminished mental capacity and bad eyesight,
01:51we must hang giant reminders for ourselves.
01:54How else will I remember where the incredibly huge body of water is?
02:00And if you can show your life is better than everyone else's,
02:03you win humaning.
02:05Hashtag my office today, hashtag lake life, hashtag lake, hashtag life, hashtag blessed.
02:18Footguy1172 has already liked it.
02:23I am doing everything humans do.
02:30So why am I feeling empty inside?
02:32Do all humans feel this way when they are alone?
02:36I made up a word for it.
02:38Aloneliness.
02:40I think most humans are lonely.
02:42That is why so many people believe in aliens.
02:44It's comforting for them to know they are not alone.
02:48Which is exactly why Peter Bach created the Alien Tracker podcast.
02:52As you know, Peter passed away last year, but I am proud to continue his legacy.
02:57I am Liv Baker, and welcome again to my podcast, Alien Cracker,
03:03where I will discuss aliens as well as the best cheese and cracker pairings.
03:15Today, I am trying a delicious rosemary wheat cracker with a Vermont goat cheese
03:21as I discuss the search for Peter Bach's son, Robert.
03:24But first, a word from our sponsor.
03:29Hey, alien lovers.
03:32Maybe the moon isn't made of cheese, but our Vermont select holiday platter is.
03:42Cracker?
03:42Oh, well, thank you.
03:43I don't eat appetizers in closets.
03:45That's stretch out food.
03:46What are you doing?
03:49I'm just recording my podcast trying to find the alien tracker's son, Robert.
03:54I'll pack my stuff up and go.
03:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
03:59You stay.
04:01I'm headed over to the 59.
04:02I think it's good you're getting the word out.
04:05You know, all this alien stuff, it's all connected somehow.
04:08So maybe if we find Robert, we can find Joseph.
04:11Yeah.
04:12Good work, deputy.
04:14It's so good to hear you say that.
04:17To know I finally have a partner in this.
04:20Yeah.
04:22Whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:23Easy.
04:24Easy, deputy.
04:25Haven't you read the HR pamphlet?
04:26We can't be hugging in no closets.
04:27Big no-no.
04:28Big ass no-no.
04:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
04:31No, no.
04:32No, no.
04:32Let love come to you.
04:39Let love come to you.
04:41I don't need it though.
04:42Let love come to you.
04:45Let love come to you.
04:48Let love come to you.
04:51Let love come to you.
04:57Humans are just like animals.
04:59Both are drawn to communal areas.
05:01This is why bars are called watering holes.
05:05Bars are also called church, so that Irish men do not have to lie to their wives.
05:10Well, look who it is.
05:11A good doctor.
05:12You are a lonely too.
05:14I will sit with you and we can hide from the cold, desperate pain of our loneliness.
05:20Man, if you're trying to stay lonely, I'm the opposite of that.
05:23I have the aching needs of an entire community on me.
05:26If it wasn't for my ethical standards, I'd never pay for another drink in my life.
05:29Pro tip, you can also get that by wearing a miniskirt.
05:33I see you discovered social media.
05:35I followed you.
05:36You're welcome.
05:37Hashtag beer.
05:39Hashtag turn on all the sports games.
05:43Unfollow.
05:44Hey, you still having kickoff karaoke here before the Mining Days Festival?
05:49Why?
05:49He's thinking about bribing a judge or something?
05:54That's ridiculous.
05:55The category is 80s power ballots.
05:5980s power ballots.
06:05Hey, Doc, check it out.
06:07Looks like that nice lady over there's got ass for you.
06:10I already have eyes.
06:12Go talk to her.
06:13Tell her you're a doctor.
06:14Women love that.
06:15Perhaps this is the answer to my loneliness.
06:19I will do what humans do.
06:21Find a partner who will spend their life trying to fix me.
06:26Hello.
06:28I'm Harry.
06:29I'm the town doctor.
06:32I know a lot of doctor things.
06:34Really?
06:34Hey, I'm Lydia.
06:36I work in the bookstore, and I know a lot of book things.
06:44And I know a handsome man when I see one.
06:46Handsome me?
06:48Oh, I don't know.
06:49I used to think so, but lately, I don't know about this nose and this neck skin.
06:58So, doctor, do you enjoy it?
07:03Not very much.
07:05But you would if we were a couple.
07:07Oh, and why is that?
07:08Because doctors are good at sex, because doctors have seen lots of vaginas.
07:14What?
07:14Doctors have seen so many vaginas.
07:17I swear you cannot swing a stethoscope in my office without seeing a vagina.
07:22I heard you.
07:24This morning, a woman came in.
07:27Bam!
07:27Vagina.
07:28Okay, man.
07:29I'm just leaving with a friend here.
07:32My friend's drunk on stupid.
07:34Come on, man.
07:37What the hell are you doing talking about vaginas?
07:39I am just looking for a mate.
07:41So that I'm no longer lonely.
07:43Lonely.
07:43Lonely.
07:44I'm alone.
07:46Well, this ain't how you do it, all right?
07:48If you want something real, you're better off building a foundation.
07:51You know, taking your time, like I did with Lena.
07:53But don't take too much time, because then you get friend-zoned.
07:56What is friend-zoned?
07:57Oh, what is friend-zoned?
07:59It's like you're outside a cupcake shop, right?
08:03And the line is real long, but you wait, because those cupcakes are great.
08:06And you finally get in, but now the cupcake's sleeping with somebody who slipped in the back door.
08:11Ha-ha!
08:12Mm-hmm.
08:13I'm going to go tell Lydia that I'd like to slip in her back door.
08:16No, no, no, no, no.
08:17Forget Lydia.
08:18Please, before she called the cops.
08:19I don't want to have to arrest you.
08:21I still got half a bill there.
08:25Lord have mercy.
08:25Hey, did I miss my dad playing?
08:43Just a first sec.
08:45But you somehow still managed to look so beautiful.
08:48Okay, I told you we are not getting a dog.
08:51Oh, that's right.
08:51Sorry.
08:52I already submitted an application for that place in Jessup, so...
08:55No.
08:56Yeah.
08:57Darcy.
08:57Oops.
08:59Hey, you guys were great.
09:01I was here behind someone tall.
09:03Just in time.
09:04Maybe you can talk some sense into your father.
09:07Okay.
09:08Um, what?
09:09You swearing off pie now, too?
09:11Just cake and cookies, never pie.
09:14See, you and Harry are more alike than you think.
09:16What did Samson mean?
09:17He submitted our stuff to some music festival, and we got in.
09:21Now he thinks I can just pick up and hit the road with him for a week, like we're 19.
09:25Dad, that's great.
09:27Really?
09:27Because I'm not 19, I'm 119, and I have a job.
09:32Are you sure?
09:33You should go.
09:34Plus, I could watch this diner.
09:36You already have a job.
09:38Yeah.
09:38And the clinic is just a stone's throw away from the diner, which I literally know from
09:43that time that Darcy got drunk, and she bet some guy in front of the diner that she could
09:47hit the clinic with a rock.
09:49I appreciate it, but no thanks.
09:51Come on.
09:52My fans are waiting.
09:53I gotta get ready for the next set.
09:55Okay.
09:56I can't believe my dad.
10:03He doesn't trust me to watch the diner for a week.
10:05I mean, it's right down the street from the clinic.
10:07A stone's throw away.
10:09That's what I said.
10:10Sometimes I think he still just sees me as this little girl that used to sit at the
10:14counter with crayons instead of a capable adult who has a job and lives on her own.
10:18Well, you live with me.
10:19Not if you get a dog.
10:20Asta.
10:21Asta.
10:22Asta!
10:23Who?
10:25Asta, will you marry me?
10:29What?
10:30Dog not looking so bad now, is it?
10:36Wow, two alien proposals in one month.
10:40I can't get a normal date, but suddenly I'm the belle of the alien ball.
10:45I'm not an alien anymore.
10:47I'm just a human man trying to backdoor a human woman.
10:51What?
10:52No, look, never mind.
10:54Thank you for these flowers, but why did you propose to me?
10:58Because I don't want to be alone.
11:03Oh.
11:08Harry.
11:11When I was with Heather and my bird babies, I felt so full.
11:14I felt whole.
11:18They're gone.
11:18But, I still want a family.
11:25Well, you have family.
11:27You have Bridget.
11:28I know how much he means to you.
11:31I do like my Bridget.
11:32In the mornings, he is so cute.
11:36Sometimes, I just want to punch him in the throat.
11:39That's how my father showed affection.
11:46Oh, okay.
11:48Well, maybe you should spend more time with him.
11:52And take these flowers back to the big flower store.
11:56So, they're not from a store.
11:59I got them from a grave.
12:01Asta is right.
12:02The connection I have with Bridget is as strong as any I could get with a mate.
12:06When I was an alien, I thought being a father was just freezing your child in the ice-wind desert and kicking him in the face.
12:18But now, it feels like there is so much more.
12:22Ready for this?
12:23Ready for this?
12:24Watch this.
12:24Watch this.
12:25Wham!
12:26Oh!
12:26This could be good.
12:39What better way to bond with my child than meeting his friends?
12:43This will be fun.
12:45Who's the dork?
12:46Oh, Bridget's dad.
12:49I'm sure it will still be a little fun.
12:51Hey, did you know Liv had a podcast?
12:57Yeah, I think it's about her alien tracker friend.
13:01She has it in the supply closet at work.
13:02I'm actually in the background of an episode looking for staples.
13:05Listen to this.
13:06Are aliens harvesting souls?
13:08We don't know, but at Smith Farmstand, we harvest the freshest vegetables.
13:11It's not that.
13:12Although the alien tracker is no longer with us, the search for his son, Robert, continues.
13:17Apparently, he was abducted from his mother's womb before he was born.
13:23Sound familiar?
13:24Hmm.
13:25I think it's time we talked to Liv.
13:27Wait, are you sure?
13:29I thought you were worried about Mike getting in the way.
13:31Oh, Mike can't know.
13:32Just Liv.
13:33She says that she has information she can't share with the public.
13:37Maybe it's something that can help us get our baby.
13:40You know, with those little freak alien girls watching us, it's just getting more dangerous.
13:44Hmm.
13:47Are those cookies from the alien girl?
13:52But they're still cookies.
14:09And I said, nice try.
14:12My mom would never do that.
14:14I know a couple of Decathroids who would say different.
14:19Oh, Decathroid, you hidden third eye.
14:21If you don't shut up.
14:23All right, chill.
14:24But the point is, the ship exploded, and I won 40 million Cinewa.
14:31Boom.
14:32That's like six American dollars.
14:35What?
14:38Do not roll your eyes at me.
14:40Let's just change the subject.
14:42Okay, let's talk about, um, sport.
14:46Homosapien sports are boring.
14:47No one ever gets killed.
14:49If you're playing with a ball and it's not even on fire, why should I care?
14:53Because that's what polite conversation is.
14:55You pretend to be interested in what someone is saying.
14:58Hmm.
14:59Hmm.
15:00Hmm.
15:00Yeah, even if they're boring.
15:02Hmm.
15:03Hmm.
15:04Like you right now.
15:04Oh, that is so funny.
15:08You were supposed to eat the outside of the olives, not the pit, and your shirt is not American.
15:14Dude, it's a poker game, not a tea party.
15:17Actually, it stopped being a poker game when I realized you were all reading my mind.
15:21That's cheating.
15:22It's not our fault you're a human now.
15:29You stopped speaking telepathically.
15:32You know, you are very rude guests.
15:35Well, Max, stop being such a hoeshape.
15:38How dare you.
15:39That is our word.
15:42Okay, you're not allowed to use that word.
15:45That's it.
15:46This game is over.
15:46Everybody out!
15:48Okay, Dad.
15:49Let's go back to my place.
15:50I just got a fish tank.
15:52Great.
15:52We're taking the table with us.
15:54See you later, Hugh.
15:55Oh, no!
15:56See, that's also problematic.
15:57Mm-hmm.
16:00Yeah, I do not care.
16:02You do not need friends like that.
16:04You have me.
16:05I'm your father.
16:06I am all you need.
16:07You do not run away from me.
16:12Do not slam that door.
16:14You're not a son of a bitch.
16:23Morning, Alex.
16:28Why are you here?
16:30Someone has to watch the diner while you go play the music festival.
16:35Hasta, we talked about this.
16:37You have a job.
16:38Yes.
16:39And I can do both.
16:40I can open the diner, and then I can go check in at the clinic, and then I can come back
16:43to the diner.
16:43It's great exercise.
16:45Hasta.
16:45Talking is over, okay?
16:47You're going.
16:48Because soon you'll be an elder.
16:50Whoa, stop throwing that word around.
16:53I'm not an elder yet.
16:54Well, soon you will be one.
16:56And you'll be too busy with opening prayers and land acknowledgements.
16:59There'll be no time for hitting the road, old man.
17:01Right now, you look like a rock star.
17:03Go be one.
17:05I already told the band I'm not going.
17:08Well, I told them you are going.
17:12And I can take care of the diner while you're gone.
17:15I've worked here my whole life on and off.
17:17I know how things operate.
17:18What are the food deliveries?
17:20Tuesdays and Thursdays.
17:21Driver's name is Hal.
17:22I even have his number, just in case there's a problem.
17:25Server and cook shift sheet are in the office.
17:28Money bank drops are nightly, and the payroll is Friday.
17:32I bet.
17:37Have fun.
17:40This is empty.
17:42It's symbolic.
17:43You still have to pack.
17:45Rock stars don't do their own packing.
17:48It's gone to your head already.
17:52I hate wearing this dumb skin suit.
17:56You complain too much, Bridget.
17:58You wear your human suit all the time.
18:01You just wore it yesterday.
18:02Only because I had to go to the store to refill my vape.
18:04I told you, that is harmful.
18:06This is stupid.
18:07It is not stupid for a father to want to spend time with his son.
18:10The weather is horrible.
18:12It's windy.
18:13Ah!
18:14You're freezing.
18:16The waves are making me sick.
18:18I am not freezing.
18:19I'm warm.
18:20And sick is good.
18:21You just throw up over the side.
18:23You'll chum the waters.
18:26Hey.
18:31Hi.
18:31How can I help you today?
18:33Hey.
18:34I put in an application to adopt a dog from your site.
18:37Ruby?
18:38I hadn't heard back, so I thought I'd just come in and pick her up.
18:41The name's Darcy Bloom.
18:42Well, let me see.
18:44It probably just got lost.
18:46We get backlogged here, so...
18:48I'm sorry.
18:53Your application was rejected.
18:57What?
18:58We got some bad feedback from your references.
19:03You must be kidding.
19:05We're just really strict about where we place our dogs.
19:09It doesn't take much for the computer to flag something.
19:13Even something small, like...
19:16Arrested for public drunkenness and defacing a campus statue.
19:21That was just crazy college fun.
19:24It was two months ago.
19:25I didn't say I was in college.
19:28We need to make sure we're moving our dogs into a better home.
19:32Better than a dog shelter.
19:37Yes.
19:38So, what you're saying is that my life isn't good enough for a dog.
19:44I'm sorry.
19:46Sorry about, what, my life or the dog?
19:48I guess both.
19:50Wow.
19:51This is bullshit.
19:52This whole place is bullshit.
19:54And you know it.
19:54I know.
19:55What kind of hoops do I have to jump through?
19:57You want me to do some tricks?
19:59No.
20:00This is bullshit.
20:00Bullshit.
20:02Oh, hi, Susan.
20:07You ready to order?
20:08Looks like you're in the wrong place.
20:10I am just covering for my dad while he's out of town.
20:12Oh, hey, are you staying on top of your medications?
20:15Cholesterol and diabetes every day.
20:17Good.
20:18Okay, what can I get for you?
20:20Double cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate shake.
20:24Um, did you ever think that if you didn't eat like that,
20:27you wouldn't have to be on those meds?
20:29Do you ever think I went on those meds so I can eat like that?
20:33What do you say to a nice salad, a skinless chicken breast, and an unsweetened iced tea?
20:37I say, when does Dan get back?
20:40Oh, hey, Jay.
20:41Sorry, you're not on the schedule today.
20:43Yeah, Dan called.
20:44He asked me to come in and help out.
20:46Oh, well, I'm fine.
20:47I don't need any help.
20:48So you can go.
20:49He said you'd say that.
20:50And for me not to go.
20:52Great.
20:52If he doesn't trust me, why doesn't he just come back?
20:55Maybe he should.
20:56One more word out of you, Susan.
20:57I'm going to bring you a bowl of kale and a glass of water.
21:00Don't you have a wedding to plan?
21:03Does everyone know?
21:08So that's it?
21:09You shutting down the whole investigation?
21:10It's been a while since there's been a murder.
21:13Seems the killer's moved out of our area, so the FBI's reassigned the case to the Seattle
21:17field office.
21:18What if a mantid didn't move on?
21:19The what?
21:20What's a mantid?
21:21What's a mantid?
21:22You didn't tell her?
21:23No, I didn't mention that.
21:24And you don't need to either.
21:26Okay.
21:28Mom's the word.
21:30I think the killer's a giant alien mantid that lives up in the hills.
21:34And I think the only reason that these murders haven't been happening recently is because
21:38it's been feeding on deer to throw us off the track.
21:40Now, I saw it with my own eyes, both of them, and I think that that thing is still up there
21:44and it's just waiting.
21:46We'll take that under consideration.
21:49No, you won't.
21:51No.
21:52See?
21:53It's almost like I knew what you was going to say.
21:57Because I'm psychic.
21:58I think, I think, I think we've...
22:00Yes.
22:01We've got to a natural stopping point, so...
22:09Debra said you wanted to see me?
22:11Yes.
22:12Yes.
22:13Um, Kate and I wanted to ask you over for dinner tonight.
22:16Really?
22:17That was fun.
22:18Don was just complaining we don't go out enough.
22:21Yeah.
22:21Uh, this isn't really a plus one situation.
22:27Oh.
22:28But aren't both you and Kate going to be there?
22:31Uh-huh.
22:32Yep.
22:33Yep.
22:33Uh, but we both live there, so it's not really a plus one.
22:37You know, a plus one for us would be if we each brought around dates.
22:41You know, how awkward would that be?
22:43You know, pretty awkward.
22:45It's kind of, kind of weird that you would even suggest it.
22:47I didn't.
22:49Yeah, I was forgiven.
22:50Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll laugh about it over dinner.
22:52Oh, I'm already laughing.
22:54Super hard.
22:56I'm laughing harder.
22:57They're dropping a serial killer investigation.
23:03But your cheerleader friend thinks to kill her, then move on.
23:06She didn't buy into my Manta theory.
23:08Could have used some backup in there.
23:09What was you doing talking to Ben?
23:11He just invited me over for dinner.
23:13I think he and Kate want to talk about something, and I think it might be about aliens.
23:17Really?
23:18That's great.
23:19Maybe we can finally start getting some answers.
23:20Well, what time they want us to be there?
23:22Oh, they just want me to come.
23:25Well, what did Ben say when you demanded that I join you, and when you told him that you're
23:29only half a human being without me?
23:31I didn't say that.
23:34Uh-huh.
23:36Yeah, I feel like this has something to do with me not giving you a closet hug.
23:41If you want to fish so bad, pointing a stick at them is, like, the dumbest possible way
23:44to do it.
23:45That's not the point.
23:46As humans, fishing is not about catching fish.
23:49It's about talking about how we are not catching fish.
23:53Oh, darn.
23:53It looks like the fish are just not biting.
23:56Those sons of bitches.
23:58The truth is, I need my little baby Bridget to stay human, because I do not know how to
24:03bond with him when he is in his alien form.
24:07No.
24:07Oh, no.
24:08Don't you do it.
24:09No.
24:09Hey, hey.
24:10Do not put that in your mouth.
24:11Throw it back.
24:11That's not what we're doing.
24:13Nope.
24:14You put it back.
24:15No, no.
24:15Not like that.
24:16What is your problem?
24:20I'm trying to bond.
24:21Is it wrong for a human father who used to be an alien to want his half-human, half-alien
24:26son to be human, too?
24:28What?
24:29I'm not an alien anymore.
24:33I need you to be human.
24:34That's not who I am.
24:36I'm both.
24:38And if you don't like it, go find yourself a little human boy to spend time with.
24:41No.
24:42Bridget, that's it.
24:43I don't.
24:43Don't do it.
24:44No.
24:44No.
24:45Bridget.
24:46Bridget!
24:48Such a good swimmer.
24:50That's a beautiful stroke.
24:56Good news.
24:57I'm adopting you.
25:04What are you doing here?
25:08And why are you in my bed?
25:09Well, ever since I became a human, I get cold really easily.
25:13Like when I used to get cold and you'd call me a weak little chihuahua boy?
25:16Well, that was because your hair was short and you were cute, which is why I've decided
25:21to adopt you.
25:22I want to give you a good family.
25:24Why would I let you adopt me?
25:25I don't even like you.
25:27That is a lie.
25:28You love me.
25:29Remember when I used you as an ottoman?
25:32Oh, that was fun.
25:33For you.
25:34And it was different then.
25:35I mean, sure you were mean to me and tried to kill me a few times.
25:40At least you were an alien.
25:41Now you're just an old guy.
25:43A human.
25:44And not even a good one.
25:45How am I not a good human?
25:47Good humans don't sneak into young boys' bedrooms, get in their beds and say,
25:52Let's be friends.
25:54It's weird.
25:55And probably illegal.
25:56Fine.
25:58I will leave.
26:00Maybe you're the one who is weird.
26:02You ever think of that?
26:04Gross.
26:06Well, I get really cold and then I get really hot.
26:12Being human sucks.
26:23Okay.
26:24Sorry it took so long.
26:26We are short-staffed, so I booted your ticket to the back of the queue because you're my friend
26:28and I knew you'd understand.
26:30What?
26:31A little cold.
26:33What would you say if they were free?
26:34Now they're warm and delicious.
26:36Melissa called in the clinic.
26:37They need you to come in and set a broken leg.
26:38Well, that's why Ellen's covering for me.
26:40She can do it.
26:41Um.
26:42Huh.
26:45Can you warm these up?
26:50Breathe.
26:50Why?
26:51That would just keep me alive.
26:52That waitress looks just like Asta.
27:02Okay.
27:02Whoa.
27:03Um.
27:05How did it go with the dog?
27:07Um.
27:08Pretty good.
27:10My name is Bernice.
27:13I am considered royalty.
27:15I'm in the market for a dope.
27:16One name maybe is like Ruby.
27:18Dogs deserve to be spent money on.
27:20And I have all the money.
27:22I can afford everything for the dog.
27:24Like food.
27:26Glasses of wine.
27:27We wear our chains with our initials on it.
27:31Riding together.
27:32Like we're riding.
27:33Ruby deserves a wonderful home.
27:36Made of gold.
27:37You didn't get the dog, did you?
27:38I sure didn't.
27:39No.
27:41Don't freak out.
27:42The refrigerator's broken.
27:43Oh, God.
27:44Okay, well, the refrigerator's gonna have to wait
27:46because now I have to go set a broken leg.
27:48Ma'am?
27:49Excuse me.
27:50I'm sorry, but you look just like someone I know.
27:54Like.
28:02Rude.
28:07Thanks for the invite.
28:08The last dinner I went to was a murder mystery thing
28:10a couple months ago.
28:11Let me guess, you solved it right away
28:14and ruined the night for everyone?
28:15They knew I was a cop when they invited me.
28:16Well, this is just a casual dinner.
28:20No mysteries to solve.
28:21Just, uh, just three friends hanging out.
28:24Exactly what I was hoping for.
28:26Oh, shit.
28:29Oh, I didn't know if this was a doorbell house
28:31or a knock house.
28:32So you didn't do either.
28:33Welcome.
28:34Yeah, sorry I'm late, Deputy.
28:36I didn't know what y'all was serving,
28:37so I stopped and grabbed a chicken.
28:39We're actually serving chicken.
28:40Oh, good.
28:41I see you took my note from the last time
28:43when, well, all you had was soup.
28:46Oh, uh, I brought a knife to cut the chicken.
28:49Oh, we, we also have knives.
28:50Oh, well, I prefer to use my own knife
28:53to cut my food, being that most Americans
28:54don't adhere to the proper knife-sharpening regimen.
28:57Look at that.
28:58Oh.
28:58Oh.
28:59But is there a regimen?
29:01Nobody wants jagged chicken, okay?
29:04Woo, it smells like a bunch of yum up in this bitch.
29:06You know, it's bullshit they made me do this.
29:32You know, busting Ruby out of here isn't even stealing.
29:36It's a rescue machine.
29:37Yes.
29:42Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
29:45Go, try.
29:46What?
29:46How is it not one, two, three, four?
29:48You thought that we were?
29:49Everyone uses one, two, three, four,
29:51so you don't have to memorize it.
29:52What, does, like, Einstein work here or something?
29:54Oh, give me your credit card.
29:56Yes, boss.
29:57Okay.
29:58Here you go, chef.
30:02Got it.
30:03Oh.
30:04Yeah, that's right.
30:08Shit, sorry about that.
30:09It's okay.
30:10It's your card.
30:11What?
30:12Why do you have my credit card?
30:13I got it the other night when we were at your place.
30:15Remember?
30:16You said, help yourself to anything.
30:17So I took your credit card and your shower soap.
30:20Well, I didn't mean to steal my whole identity.
30:23You get it.
30:24Okay.
30:25Wait.
30:26I can't.
30:27Oh, oh.
30:28I can't.
30:29Oh, here.
30:29Let me try.
30:30Let me try.
30:30Let me try.
30:31Let me try.
30:31I've got little bird arms.
30:33All right.
30:33Shh.
30:34Watch this.
30:36Okay.
30:37Get it.
30:37Get it.
30:37Get it.
30:38Go so close.
30:39A little bit.
30:42I'm stuck.
30:43You can't be stuck.
30:44I'm stuck.
30:44No.
30:45No.
30:45Come on.
30:46Come on.
30:48Ow.
30:49Ow.
30:49Shh.
30:51Ah, Cody.
30:52The first rule of break-ins.
30:54Soak a charm, stuck in the door.
30:55It's not a break-in unless you break something going in.
30:57I'll get you out.
30:58I got you, girl.
31:00I got you.
31:04Now's a break-in.
31:05Save yourself.
31:06Run.
31:07Go.
31:07I'll be okay.
31:08No, no, no, no, no.
31:10Get a saw.
31:12Get a saw.
31:13Get some pliers.
31:14It's your arm.
31:15I can get in.
31:16You can get out.
31:17And then once I'm in, you get out.
31:19Okay.
31:19Grab it.
31:20You grab.
31:20Pull it.
31:21I'm okay.
31:21Ow.
31:22Ow.
31:22Ow.
31:23Ow.
31:24Ow.
31:24Ow.
31:25Ow.
31:29If there were a planet with only one creature on it, I imagine they would feel much more alone.
31:35But on Earth, there are billions of people.
31:37How is it possible that so many of them are lonely?
31:42Bridget, is that you?
31:43Announce yourself.
31:51And if you want to be my friend, the answer is yes.
32:00Harry?
32:02Peter?
32:04You're not an alien.
32:06You're not human.
32:08I guess we've got a lot of catching up to do.
32:13Why did you come?
32:16They wanted to talk.
32:17Now they'll never tell me anything.
32:18And if they do, it might just be misinformation.
32:21You know what?
32:23I think you're thinking of disinformation.
32:25You see, misinformation isn't intended to.
32:27I don't care.
32:28Listen, you think I would come over here and infiltrate this dinner to extract information with them without a plan?
32:32Or a chicken and a carbon knife?
32:35I would have thought that, but I never will again.
32:38Unbelievable.
32:39I know.
32:40Who invites themselves to a dinner party?
32:43Get that too?
32:43But this knife is incredible.
32:45It's like slicing through yogurt.
32:48Hi, can you stop and look at me?
32:49What do we do?
32:51Do we just forget tonight and talk to Liv another time?
32:53No, no.
32:54You were right before.
32:56Our baby is out there and we need information right now.
32:58We can't risk waiting.
32:59Okay.
33:00You find some way to get Mike out and I'll talk to Liv.
33:03Got it.
33:04Wait, and Kate.
33:05Yeah.
33:07Put knife sharpener on my Christmas list.
33:08Oh, you opened more wine.
33:20Oh, yeah, I hope it's okay.
33:22I'm not really a wine guy, so I wasn't sure if this was one of your special occasion pricey wines.
33:29And yet you zeroed right in on it.
33:30Well, you know, I just think it's easier for people to talk when they drink.
33:33You know, back in D.C., when we had a suspect on the way down to the jail,
33:37we'd stop by a bar and get them nice and liquored up before we chat.
33:40I'm not in uniform, so I didn't hear that.
33:43Yeah, go ahead.
33:44Drink up.
33:44Oh, uh, you know what might be fun first?
33:48If I show you my candle collection.
33:49Oh, no, thank you.
33:50I don't like candles.
33:53What?
33:54Honey.
33:54Huh?
33:56Sorry, uh, what exactly, uh, doesn't work for you about the tiny, magical, controlled fire
34:04that has been illuminating the lives of human beings for thousands of years?
34:08Well, see, I just don't get the point.
34:10I mean, light bulbs were invented over a hundred years ago.
34:12What's, what's, what's candles still sticking around for?
34:15Uh, romance, ambiance, celebration, uh, rituals, health, holiday smells.
34:22You know what?
34:22That sounds like Big Candle talking to me.
34:25Now, you want to know the truth?
34:26Candles mean death, right?
34:28Because all I know is Colonel Mustard, he didn't kill Professor Plum in the study with a light bulb stick.
34:33Okay.
34:34Well, on your birthday, I hope you enjoy blowing out your light bulbs.
34:37Yeah, well, you know what?
34:38Wrong again.
34:39I don't blow them out.
34:39I pinch them out with spit fingers like a man.
34:41I wish someone would kill me with a light bulb stick.
34:44I'm right there with you.
34:46So my son was in the moon?
34:48Yes.
34:48Then Vegas.
34:50Oh.
34:51I think I prefer the moon.
34:53I hope he didn't go to those girly shows.
34:55I'm sorry I do not know where he is now.
34:58He was very kind to Bridget and me in prison.
35:01How is your boy?
35:03He hates me.
35:06I'm sure that's not true.
35:07No, I tried to make him be my friend.
35:10He would not.
35:11No one would.
35:12In my experience, people like being with people who like being with themselves.
35:18Why would I want to be with me, a loser with no friends?
35:22You were pretty comfortable with yourself when you were an alien.
35:24I know how to be an alien.
35:26But I'm not an alien anymore.
35:31I don't feel like a human.
35:33I'm neither.
35:35No.
35:37You're both.
35:39Look at me.
35:40I'm trying, but it's hard.
35:42I know.
35:42I'm this robot.
35:44But I feel like a human.
35:46And you are half of each.
35:48No, not half of each.
35:49One hundred percent of both.
35:51That is bad math, especially for a robot.
35:53I am everything I was and everything I am.
35:58You are both human and alien now.
36:01And that's a good thing.
36:02I hope you're right.
36:07Just remember, the only person who will always be with you is you.
36:14And when that's enough, you'll never be lonely.
36:20Now, I have to go find my son.
36:25Good luck with yours.
36:28We have to switch things up.
36:34I'll take Liv.
36:36You distract the candle hater.
36:37I mean, I can't even look at him right now.
36:38Do you think you can get her to talk?
36:40Just keep Mike busy.
36:41You have my permission to use your feminine wiles?
36:44My feminine wiles?
36:46Yeah.
36:46A little bit of the...
36:48Oh.
36:50Sure, Ben.
36:51See you in 1958.
36:55I think we might need a new plan.
36:57Yeah.
36:58It's so weird that insulting the man's life passion didn't open him right up.
37:01Debbie, the candles aren't a passion.
37:03They're a light source.
37:05Talk about a passion for a candle.
37:08Hello.
37:10What?
37:11Yeah, come here.
37:12Look, look, look.
37:13Look at this.
37:15It's a little teeny tiny camera.
37:16Yeah.
37:17All this time we've been trying to figure out that secret and now we know.
37:22They're swingers.
37:24What?
37:25No.
37:25Debbie, can't you think of any other reason to have a hidden candle?
37:28Amber in your house?
37:28Probably only 50.
37:30I just don't see Ben and Kate as swingers.
37:33Maybe Kate?
37:35Definitely Kate.
37:36Ben won't even take his shirt off at the pool.
37:39Stephanie, it's never the ones you expect.
37:41Trust me, I haven't seen enough depraved sexual behaviors and appetites for a lifetime.
37:45Was that when you were in Vice?
37:46Oh, Tampa.
37:47Oh.
37:48Oh.
37:48Who's up for some after-dinner cordials?
37:50Oh, actually.
37:51Oh, whoops.
37:52Oh, God.
37:53Clumsy me.
37:54Oh, Ben.
37:55Take Liv to the bathroom and get that stain out before it sets.
37:59Yeah, let's get that blouse off.
38:00Yeah.
38:00Yeah.
38:00Yeah.
38:01I'm not a swinger.
38:03Um.
38:04What?
38:05Don't play dumb.
38:06We found your tiny hidden camera.
38:10Ben?
38:11Well, I-I didn't put it there.
38:13Neither did I.
38:14Then who did?
38:16Oh, my God.
38:17Ben.
38:17What?
38:18The cookie girls.
38:19What cookie girls?
38:20In our house?
38:21I know.
38:21What cookie girls?
38:22The aliens, the ones who took our baby.
38:35Wow.
38:36Yeah.
38:37Breaking and entering.
38:39Well, really just breaking.
38:40I didn't even get in.
38:42I didn't have to go down this way.
38:46Saying my lifestyle isn't stable enough for a dog.
38:49You sure showed them, huh?
38:52Yeah.
38:53Well, now I have a court date.
38:55Oh, will you go with me?
38:57You need a ride, don't you?
38:58My car got booted last week.
38:59Oh, God.
39:00Of course it did.
39:02Darcy?
39:03I know.
39:03I know.
39:04Don't say anything I know.
39:07Okay.
39:08Good.
39:09Oh.
39:10Great.
39:10The refrigerator guy's running late.
39:14I'd keep you company, but I gotta close tonight.
39:17Oh, wait.
39:17Are you doing the bank drop for the bar?
39:19No.
39:20Okay.
39:20Um.
39:22Can you do mine, too?
39:23Yeah.
39:24Gimme gimme.
39:26See, I'm a good person.
39:29I deserve a dog.
39:30Daddy, you gonna get a whiskey soda?
39:49Yeah.
39:50Yeah.
39:50Yeah.
39:57Well, Lisa gave you your credit card back, so you can pay for these drinks.
40:01Oh, and I'll give you your sneakers back tomorrow.
40:04Those are my sneakers?
40:05Yeah.
40:06But don't worry.
40:08I'm not wearing any gross, sweaty socks.
40:09It's just my raw feet.
40:11Cool.
40:13This is all that shelter's fault.
40:15You were just trying to save a dog.
40:17Right?
40:17That's what I said to Asta.
40:19She wasn't buying it.
40:20What'd she say?
40:22Nothing.
40:23She just has a way of saying a lot without saying anything.
40:26Well, I don't care what she didn't say.
40:28She should take it back.
40:29Yeah.
40:30That's fine.
40:31She'll get over it.
40:33It just has a lot going on.
40:35Kind of thing.
40:37Anyway.
40:38I'm pretty tired.
40:40Yeah.
40:41Probably take it easy tonight.
40:42See, I'm a man.
40:53Oh, my God.
41:00No.
41:01No, no.
41:02Shit.
41:04Shit.
41:07Asta's money.
41:08No.
41:10Shit.
41:11Shit.
41:11As humans, we are good at knowing who we were and who we think we are.
41:16But not so good at knowing who we really are.
41:20Damn it.
41:25Me, I know that I was an alien.
41:28And now I am a human.
41:30And that I have a son who is both.
41:32And that inside, so am I.
41:36There we go.
41:43All right, turn.
41:45Hey, you're here early.
41:47Yes, I'm done fishing with Bridget.
41:50And I want some pie.
41:53Or anything that doesn't smell like fish.
41:56Okay.
41:56Does it make me a bad manager if I hope no customers come in?
42:02No.
42:03That just means more pie for me.
42:05I thought I could take care of the diner no problem.
42:08You know?
42:08I wanted my dad to be proud of me, but it's too much.
42:13I'm a failure.
42:14You are a failure.
42:15You are a failure.
42:18What?
42:18But you're also a success.
42:20You need to find the part of you that is a success.
42:23And then love it.
42:25And then that will be the part that you are.
42:28That actually makes sense.
42:32There's really a lot about you to love.
42:35Hmm?
42:36You have silky, very nice hair.
42:38And you are also very kind.
42:41You're not going to propose to me again, are you?
42:44Sorry, Asta.
42:46You're in the friend zone.
42:48If you had wanted more, you should have snuck up in my back door and grabbed ahold of my cupcake.
42:52Oh, God.
42:53I'm good.
42:54Here's to being friends.
42:58Human friends.
43:06Harry?
43:12Harry?
43:24Bill.
43:44Bill.
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