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The Top Reasons You Think You Need Porn _ Dr. Trish Leigh(360P)
Kashif Mag
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2 days ago
Top reason you think you need Porn.
By
Kashif Mag
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Learning
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00:00
the need for porn welcome back to another episode of porn brain rewired the podcast with me dr
00:09
trish lee i'm glad you're here today because we're going to break down the concept of need whether
00:15
that be a healthy need or an unhealthy need once we do that we're going to move on to how you're
00:22
getting your needs met through your behaviors healthy ones not so healthy ones that's number
00:28
one for today number two is what do needs look like in your brain performance pattern then we'll
00:35
move to number three your brain hack strategy for the day so that you can take these concepts and
00:40
actually implement them in your life so you can leave porn behind get on purpose and get back to
00:47
squeezing all the joy out of your work your people and your hobbies okay so let's dig in let's talk
00:54
about needs we all have needs we have a wide variety of needs some of them are healthy some
01:00
of them are unhealthy that's the first thing that i want you to recognize not every need that you have
01:06
is actually good for you so start questioning some of those needs and putting them into one of these
01:14
two categories a healthy need is something that ultimately is beneficial to your well-being and
01:22
it's moving you forward in what i consider to be you know evolution towards the authentic self that's
01:30
in there you're growing you're learning you're becoming better those needs are amazing because they
01:36
keep forging you ahead and taking you through the seasons of life they keep shifting you and i'll share an
01:42
example from my own life in just a second maybe a broken record example but an example all the same
01:48
so then there's unhealthy needs and an unhealthy need is a way of soothing yourself or making yourself
01:57
feel better in a moment but it's not furthering you in this journey of authentic development it's more
02:05
of an escapism need so they exist on all different levels there's needs for control there's needs to
02:13
self-soothe i want you to start categorizing some of those needs as you start recognizing them in
02:19
your life and in specifically we're going to talk about porn use and what might be the underlying need
02:26
for you going back to porn that's on top of we know through science there's a dopamine dependency
02:34
once you've established a porn habit your brain has changed and the levels of dopamine that you need to
02:40
feel good and to not feel bad have changed so ultimately underneath these needs is a neurological
02:47
dysfunction and we'll talk about that in number two but there's also psychological needs that are
02:54
drivers when it comes to porn consumption so after working with thousands of clients you know that
03:01
the need for validation for an increase in self-esteem and for the desire for intimacy that's being met
03:10
in a distorted way are all fundamental psychological needs for people who get pulled back into porn and
03:18
so the idea is it's fantasy it's an unreality it makes you feel better about yourself while giving you
03:25
this high high from those high levels of dopamine so for whatever behavior you have going on and
03:33
whatever way it's manifesting itself pause for a moment get out your journal get out your pen and think
03:39
about underneath it all besides feeling great you know theoretically besides the rush and the high in
03:47
your brain besides escaping my reality into unreality what need am i getting met and i know once i start
03:56
working with my clients they can start recognizing what this need is that maybe they couldn't recognize
04:02
earlier because self-awareness was low so try to try to figure that out for yourself but just recognize
04:10
many people need a professional to help them see these needs also so unhealthy need healthy needs so for
04:17
example the need to feel validated is a healthy need but the need for a lot of external validation that's an
04:30
unhealthy need as you grow emotionally you should be able to validate yourself internally from your
04:38
purpose from the way you're moving through the world and again it goes back to authentic living
04:45
really does mean an increase in integrity and an increase in how you feel about yourself when you're on
04:51
purpose you feel great when you're off purpose and you're self-soothing and self-stimulating you feel less
04:58
than great about yourself but the need for validation is healthy a significant need for external validation
05:06
not so much so think about those needs underneath your porn habit now let's go to behaviors obviously
05:14
consuming porn is one of the behaviors we're talking about but for the sake of generalities let's think
05:19
about all behaviors in terms of we have some behaviors that are healthy and others that are unhealthy at
05:25
the core so consuming porn very unhealthy we know it damages your brain we're going to talk about in
05:31
just a minute we know excessive alcohol use we know drug use we know driving really fast can be an
05:38
unhealthy behavior that gives people an adrenaline rush so think about all the behaviors you have going
05:46
and think about what needs they are serving you'll find it really really interesting it'll start exposing
05:53
the programming from the past and the way you navigate through the world to yourself which that is a
06:00
crucial part of my 90-day digital program where i teach people to explore their programming so that
06:07
they can dismantle and get a software update to have new programming to move through the world so start
06:14
questioning your behaviors and the whys underneath okay so let's put a bow on that there's needs healthy and
06:22
unhealthy then there's ways of meeting those needs healthy or unhealthy and the broken record example
06:29
from my life is you know i'm trying to create more space for downtime and relaxation totally healthy
06:36
need because i live a very busy lifestyle i'm also trying to keep connection to my people my besties
06:45
because that's very healthy for me and you know what i know about myself is i can be very very
06:50
independent i can move through my days um with you know with little bits of connection i don't need
06:57
tons of validation from outside i don't need i mean there's lots of people in my life which is probably
07:03
why solitude feels good to me but here's the story is that you know i've been spending less time with my
07:09
friends because i don't want to go out late at night and i don't want to drink i don't want to eat i want
07:14
to be nestled in my bed chilling uh by 9 p.m if you know what i mean yep seasons of life my friends so
07:23
on saturday my bestie sends out on the bestie text thread uh come over for a hang this was 8 30 p.m
07:31
i was already showered i was getting ready to get in zero g in my bed and i'm like all right because i
07:38
haven't seen them in a little while so i text coming in my pjs which encouraged another one
07:44
of our friends to show up in her pjs and i'm thinking in my mind it's going to be chill pajama
07:49
party which is what i'm signing up for these days i get there my friends had been hanging out for hours
07:56
it was not a chill pajama party involved a lot of music a lot of dancing darts you know and i was there
08:04
for hours so of course the next morning on sunday i'm tired and i actually didn't drink that much
08:12
it was just a matter of i drank more than i've been drinking which is none and i've been going
08:17
to bed early and so i stayed up late and you know and i i did not feel as good as i've been feeling
08:24
because i went back to fulfilling a healthy need in an unhealthy way by going out after 9 p.m yes i'm
08:33
aware when i was younger i'd go out at 1 p.m that or 1 a.m that's when it would start but seasons of
08:40
life so you know healthy need but being met in an unhealthy way so the way that that needs gonna
08:46
be met in the future and it's you know this is a journey this is we're learning through every single
08:52
opportunity that comes at us so that was really powerful for me because i really haven't been doing
08:58
it and i did it and it would have felt good in the past on sunday i would have been like oh that was
09:03
so much fun but on sunday i'm like i'm not feeling this anymore i don't need to do this it's the need
09:10
for connection can be met in a different way so there's just one example so let's move to what do
09:16
needs look like in your eeg brain pattern healthy needs look like the green optimal brain pattern the
09:24
green zone meaning that all of your brain speeds are working flawlessly like an automatic transmission
09:31
and you're able to shift in and out of all the gears very smoothly and what that looks like is
09:37
after a day of focus and working you've kind of ramped the energy up in your brain now you want
09:43
to go bring that energy down in a healthy way by hanging out so that is all part of circadian rhythms
09:51
healthy needs being met in healthy ways when there's unhealthy needs and there's unhealthy
09:57
behaviors and especially when it comes to porn consumption what happens is your brain gets stuck
10:03
in the extremes your brain is stuck in excessive fast mode and excessive slow mode what i call
10:10
strained brain wired and tired when your brain is wired and tired it inherently feels like it needs to be
10:18
calm down or soothed it inherently feels like it needs to be stimulated dysfunctional brain pattern
10:26
equals less than functional behaviors with possibly unhealthy but possibly healthy needs so we already
10:34
said a driving force into the screen could be stress and so stress reduction is a healthy need but it's
10:42
being met by an unhealthy behavior a a healthier behavior for stress reduction is to go have a pajama
10:50
party with your besties so go have some fun get some appropriate healthy levels of dopamine from your real
11:00
life so the unhealthy needs have a dysfunctional brain pattern at their core and the reason being is if
11:10
you're using the wired and tired brain pattern your brain needs something to soothe it and stimulate it
11:17
and to artificially shift it into neutral which can lead to drain brain drain brain is you've been giving
11:24
your brain so much dopamine from the screen that now you don't even know internally your brain is not able
11:32
to regulate itself you don't know how to calm yourself down because you've been using something to calm
11:38
yourself down for so long this is why so many people are dependent upon porn to be able to fall asleep
11:45
because they artificially shift their brain into neutral for a time but it's very unhealthy you can
11:51
get stuck there drain brain it's what leads to erectile dysfunction so healthy need being met in a very
12:01
unhealthy way and if you have very high levels of stress which porn contributes to stress in the brain
12:09
now you have an unhealthy need which is excessive stress in the brain which needs excessive soothing
12:15
all right so we can see that dysfunction in your brain and if you're interested in seeing how there's
12:22
dysfunction in your brain please reach out drtrishlee.com you'll see the tab that says work directly with
12:28
dr trishlee q eg brain map is the first step okay now let's go to number three your brain hack strategy
12:34
for the day so the brain hack is figure out what the need is that's at the core of your porn use and
12:44
if it's unhealthy it needs to be shifted to a healthy need if it's healthy you have to find ways to meet that
12:52
need in the world you have to get it met through behaviors that are serving you and are moving you
13:00
forward in the evolution of your spirit towards the authentic version of your capital s self that is
13:09
what i want for you so it requires behavioral change so remember we said there's brain dysfunction at
13:16
the core brain dysfunction can be rewired by your mind and your body but it's tricky the easiest way to
13:24
do it is to train your brain with technology something that i can teach you in brain training 101 i'll
13:31
make sure we put the link down below i can teach you in my brain training club and so what happens there
13:38
is you use technology to regulate your brain which allows you to change the behaviors of your mind and
13:44
your body with greater ease that is something that i would love for you so figure out what those needs
13:50
are and figure out how you can shift your behaviors because it'll be a beautiful start for you okay i hope
13:56
that helps you out until next time control your brain or it'll control you
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