- yesterday
Anastasia "Granny" Gargoli gets no respect from her family. Only Kelly truly cares for Granny. The rest only feign love, hoping to inherit Granny's fortune. When Granny dies, the family even cheats Kelly out of her inheritance. Their money-grubbing glee turns to horror when Granny returns from the grave for revenge. An ancient potion has given Granny eternal life...with monstrous consequences. Now Granny intends to kill everyone and reunite them as a family of the undead. It's up to Kelly to stop the treacherous granny.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30Tell me, woman, did you give her the elixir straight away that morning,
00:00:35or did you wait until the sun had disappeared, as I instructed?
00:00:47We...
00:00:48She was so sick, we couldn't wait.
00:00:50The law of the Kui Chao must not be broken.
00:00:52It can never be exposed to direct sunlight.
00:00:54I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We love her.
00:00:57She's just an innocent girl.
00:01:00I'm just an innocent girl.
00:01:14Help my husband and I, please.
00:01:18Leave. Now!
00:01:26Don't leave me, Father.
00:01:28Please, don't leave me.
00:01:31No, it's a trick.
00:01:32It's my baby.
00:01:34My child.
00:01:36Back for another honking fob.
00:01:38You wanted to save me from the clutches of death, yes.
00:01:49So you could turn me into what you wanted?
00:01:50Well, you did.
00:01:54Look what I've become.
00:01:57Do you like what you see?
00:01:59I know you do.
00:02:01I can read your thoughts.
00:02:03I can read your mind.
00:02:05I know you desired me from the very first time I looked into your eyes.
00:02:10No, Maggie.
00:02:11That's...
00:02:13That's...
00:02:14Oh, my God.
00:02:44Oh, my God.
00:03:14Oh, my God.
00:03:44Oh, my God.
00:04:14Oh, my God.
00:04:44That's a damn sight better.
00:04:46Now, come and help me take my medicine.
00:04:48Oh, my God, am I stopped up.
00:04:56Give me some of that castor oil.
00:04:58I'm sorry, Granny.
00:05:04We can't all be graceful or beautiful, for that matter.
00:05:10Right, Wolfgang?
00:05:11Well, beauty passes like a dream, so the poet says.
00:05:20I used to be young and beautiful once.
00:05:24You still are, Granny.
00:05:31You think so?
00:05:32For me, beauty is having a healthy bowel movement once a day.
00:05:49Not that I want to live forever, although that might be nice.
00:05:56That reminds me.
00:05:58Did I get any mail?
00:06:00Not today.
00:06:01What are you expecting?
00:06:03Ah, never you mind.
00:06:05Just a little something special I sent off for.
00:06:09Granny, Granny, I hate watching you throw your money away to every snake oil salesman that promises some sort of magic elixir.
00:06:15Well, it's my money, isn't it?
00:06:18God knows I've got enough of it.
00:06:20Besides, you never know.
00:06:25You just never know.
00:06:28Like I said, I don't want to live forever.
00:06:32Just one minute longer than the rest of that thieving magpie of a family.
00:06:39Vultures and crows, monkeys and magpies.
00:06:42Granny, please.
00:06:47You mark my words.
00:06:50They are up to no good.
00:06:52I don't trust them.
00:06:54Never have, never will.
00:06:57But don't you worry, little Kelly.
00:07:00Granny's going to take real good care of you.
00:07:04Even after I'm gone.
00:07:08God knows you're no good on your own and no man would have you.
00:07:12Granny, don't talk like that.
00:07:15Oh.
00:07:16Oh, my poor little Cinderella.
00:07:30It's true.
00:07:31Nobody would have you but me.
00:07:33Not even your own family.
00:07:36The bastards.
00:07:39Why do we have to have them over every Thanksgiving?
00:07:41Like I always say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
00:07:47When are they supposed to arrive?
00:07:53Anytime.
00:07:55Oh, my God.
00:07:55The soup.
00:07:56How do you like that?
00:08:19Hi, everybody.
00:08:23Hi, Kelly.
00:08:23Mmm, everything smells so good.
00:08:26Thanks, Evie.
00:08:28Good Lord.
00:08:30Hey, Kel.
00:08:32Hello, Kelly.
00:08:34How are you?
00:08:35I'm fine, Dad.
00:08:36That's nice.
00:08:37Hello, Kelly.
00:08:39You look lovely.
00:08:40Lovely.
00:08:41Be sure to hang this on a padded hanger, won't you?
00:08:44Oh, Tyrus.
00:08:47If only you were here.
00:08:50Why'd you have to leave me with this pack of jackals?
00:08:55It's your fault, you know.
00:08:57You've spoiled them rotten and I let you.
00:09:00The little shits.
00:09:02Mom, do I have to kiss Granny because she is so disgusting?
00:09:05Okay.
00:09:06Pretend you're taking medicine and hold your breath.
00:09:08That's what I do.
00:09:09I want you on...
00:09:11How?
00:09:12I want you on your best behavior, you little putts.
00:09:15You know what's good for you.
00:09:17Yeah.
00:09:18That goes for all of you.
00:09:22Andrea, my dear, don't you think you've had enough?
00:09:24Albert, I intend on staying drunk this entire weekend.
00:09:28God, I hate Thanksgiving.
00:09:30Every year the same thing.
00:09:34Make yourselves at home.
00:09:35Dinner's almost ready.
00:09:38Padded hanger.
00:09:39Just remember, everyone, Granny will not be with us forever, you know.
00:10:00Are you kidding?
00:10:01She's like a corpse.
00:10:02You can't kill what's already dead.
00:10:04Listen here, buster.
00:10:05I want you to straighten up and fly right.
00:10:07You understand me?
00:10:08Hey, what are you doing with those darning needles?
00:10:11These?
00:10:12Yes, those.
00:10:13Oh, nothing.
00:10:14Speaking of the dead, somebody should tell Kelly to quit using embalming fluid as beauty aid.
00:10:19Yeah, what a loser.
00:10:20Regular freak show around here.
00:10:22Shh.
00:10:24She might hear you.
00:10:29She's on her way to the landing.
00:10:31Everyone knows the drill.
00:10:32Hop to it.
00:10:33Come on.
00:10:38Amy.
00:10:43Amy.
00:10:56Amy.
00:10:56Amy.
00:10:57Albert.
00:11:14Oh, there, my dear.
00:11:15Hey, Mom.
00:11:16David.
00:11:18Junior, give your grandmother a kiss.
00:11:21No way.
00:11:23Junior.
00:11:24Good.
00:11:25I don't want his slobbery lips on me anyway.
00:11:29Junior, why don't you go down and play with Amy while I set the table?
00:11:33Whatever, Mom.
00:11:34Hurry up, girl.
00:11:35I don't want to miss this.
00:11:36Steamboat and sting in a tag team match.
00:11:38Where's Wolfgang?
00:11:39Wolfgang, kitty, kitty.
00:11:41I'll be right back with the soup, Mother.
00:11:44Come on, Kelly.
00:11:45It's the wrong channel.
00:11:46Good.
00:11:47Where's my pillow?
00:11:49Oh, here you are, Mother.
00:11:51Get off me, David.
00:11:52I can do it myself.
00:11:54I'm not a total invalid, you know?
00:11:55What?
00:11:59What is this?
00:12:00I have no idea how they got there, Mother.
00:12:02I really don't.
00:12:02Well, I do.
00:12:04That little bastard, Junior.
00:12:06Soup's on, Mother.
00:12:07I'll eat when I'm damn good and ready.
00:12:09But Mother, the soup's...
00:12:10Shut up, Albert.
00:12:11I'm trying to watch my show now.
00:12:12Get out of here, all you scat.
00:12:14Yeah, Sting.
00:12:18Coming through again.
00:12:19Yeah.
00:12:20Hello, Uncle David.
00:12:22Hello, Antoinette.
00:12:24Yeah, Sting.
00:12:26Yeehaw.
00:12:27Ha ha ha.
00:12:28Oh, you gorgeous hug.
00:12:29Kick him in the throat.
00:12:30Yeah.
00:12:30Yeah.
00:12:30Yeah.
00:12:37I see you aren't using my gravy recipe.
00:12:41No, I am.
00:12:42Look at this lumpy mess.
00:12:44Oh, no, Andrea.
00:12:46No offense, dear, but it hardly looks edible.
00:12:49That's the way Granny likes it.
00:12:50If you don't like it, that's just too bad.
00:12:53What was that?
00:12:54I said, if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it.
00:12:58How rude.
00:13:00Albert, did you hear what she said?
00:13:01Well, my dear, I think you asked for that one.
00:13:03Albert.
00:13:04Kelly, apologize to Andrea immediately.
00:13:07Kelly.
00:13:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:13:08Kelly, what do you think you're doing?
00:13:09I'm putting Granny's soup in the pot to keep it warm.
00:13:11Yeah, well, don't.
00:13:13Here, let me just take that for you.
00:13:14I'll put it in here, and now it'll stay nice and warm on it.
00:13:22Fine.
00:13:24Yeah.
00:13:26Now, what am I supposed to do?
00:13:28Okay.
00:13:29So while I'm on my hands and knees, you take your left hand and you put it on my arm, like
00:13:34this.
00:13:34And then you take your other arm and you put it around my waist, like that.
00:13:39And then what happens?
00:13:41You try to take me down.
00:13:43You ready?
00:13:43One, two, three, go!
00:13:51One, two, three, go!
00:13:54I win!
00:13:55The crowd goes wild!
00:13:59Wait!
00:14:00Now you get to do it to me!
00:14:03Come back here, squirt!
00:14:04There's no escape in your money, man!
00:14:06No running!
00:14:07Oh, shut up!
00:14:08I'm gonna get you!
00:14:09Anastasia Gargoli?
00:14:18Kill him!
00:14:19Kill him!
00:14:21Yeah!
00:14:22Okay!
00:14:23Mash him, crush him, pin him, flab him!
00:14:26Yeah!
00:14:26Kill him!
00:14:27Yeah!
00:14:28That is so fake!
00:14:33What's so fake?
00:14:36Professional wrestling.
00:14:38What a bunch of hardwashed.
00:14:40Oh, yeah!
00:14:41Yeah!
00:14:41Come on, Junior!
00:14:42Let's square off!
00:14:44I'll show you what's fake!
00:14:47Come on, Granny.
00:14:49You're in a wheelchair.
00:14:50I'd murderize you.
00:14:52Don't do it!
00:14:53He's mean!
00:14:55What's the matter?
00:14:57You chicken?
00:14:58Ah?
00:14:59Ah?
00:15:00Okay, Granny.
00:15:03You're on.
00:15:07Granny, there's someone here to see you.
00:15:09Yeah?
00:15:09Who?
00:15:11My name isn't important, but I believe you've sent away for this.
00:15:17Yeah.
00:15:19I've been expecting you.
00:15:20The rest of you scat!
00:15:22Come on in.
00:15:25Rematch?
00:15:26Any time, any place.
00:15:31Turd!
00:15:31Bitch.
00:15:32Who was that, Kelly?
00:15:54I don't know.
00:15:55Kind of unusual for Granny to receive a kiss, isn't it?
00:15:58He gave me the creeps.
00:15:59Yeah, let's go kick his ass.
00:16:02I thought he was handsome.
00:16:04Well, you don't get out much, Kelly, so...
00:16:07I suppose anything in pants looks good to you.
00:16:10That's not true, and he is handsome.
00:16:12Oh, yes.
00:16:13A regular knight in shining armor.
00:16:15You're a prince.
00:16:16Of darkness.
00:16:18Yeah, Kelly, what are you gonna do?
00:16:19Marry him?
00:16:20It seems you have a wonderful, loving family, Anastasia.
00:16:37Ha!
00:16:38The last time I felt anything like love from this family, it turned out to be gas.
00:16:42The only thing they're really wonderful at is their capacity for greed and treachery, Mr., uh...
00:16:50You may call me Namon Ami.
00:16:53Well, Mr. Ami, I don't mean any disrespect, but my family is a pack of vultures.
00:17:01Vultures and crows, monkeys and magpies.
00:17:04All except one, Kelly.
00:17:06Ah, she's the only one with a decent bone in her body.
00:17:22Kelly's your granddaughter, yeah?
00:17:24Yes.
00:17:26Bless her holy heart.
00:17:28Oh, she is beautiful.
00:17:30Very beautiful indeed.
00:17:32Well, I am the beholder.
00:17:34She is my eldest son's bastard child, born on the other side of the blanket, as we say.
00:17:43Ah, she's not much to look at, if you ask me.
00:17:46But she's got beauty inside.
00:17:49Only the rest of my family had one-tenth of what she has in her heart.
00:17:55They just need to be shown by you.
00:17:57What I'd really like to show them is my foot to their backside.
00:18:01But what does this have to do with what I sent away for, Mr. Ami?
00:18:08More than you think, Anastasia.
00:18:10I'm here to give you a second chance.
00:18:14Unwrap it.
00:18:15Say what?
00:18:29That nothing lasts forever.
00:18:30This is the lesson of the revolving years and the flight of time, which snatches from us the sunny days.
00:18:37What would you do with immortality, Anastasia?
00:18:44For this is the gift we have to give.
00:18:47A gift few receive.
00:18:49A second chance to spread love.
00:18:52And in the process, save your own soul.
00:18:55You've got to be kidding.
00:18:58No.
00:18:59You are holding the Kui Chau Mautai.
00:19:02It's been called many things through the centuries.
00:19:05The Holy Grail.
00:19:07The Lotus Cup.
00:19:08The Fountain of Eternal Youth.
00:19:12Can you not feel its power?
00:19:13Yes, I believe I can.
00:19:23I feel so light.
00:19:26I feel like I just float up.
00:19:30Oh my.
00:19:33I haven't been able to do that in years.
00:19:35This is the power of the Kui Chau.
00:19:43It is the power of goodness and healing.
00:19:46In order to receive it, we must make ourselves as pure a vessel as the Kui Chau itself.
00:19:52Our old ideas cease to exist.
00:19:56But we live on forever.
00:20:00What the hell did I do to deserve this?
00:20:02There must be other people more worthy.
00:20:04We have our reasons.
00:20:06We choose our candidates most carefully.
00:20:09For instance, we know that you've secretly donated over a million dollars to humanitarian causes this year alone.
00:20:17Yet, you've cut your own family out of your will.
00:20:22How?
00:20:24How could you know this?
00:20:25Nobody knows any of this.
00:20:27It's our job to know.
00:20:29You see, we need people like you to become converts,
00:20:34to become part of the legion of universal goodness.
00:20:39Legion?
00:20:42What's it going to cost me?
00:20:45We have no use for money.
00:20:46We give this gift freely.
00:20:49Yeah?
00:20:49I mean, I'm going to live forever.
00:20:54Yes.
00:20:55And it's not going to cost me anything.
00:20:57Not a penny.
00:20:58Yahoo!
00:20:59Count me in.
00:21:00Good.
00:21:02There are only three rules.
00:21:06First, the elixir must not be exposed to direct sunlight.
00:21:09Second, before taking the elixir, you must perform the cleansing ritual and make peace with your family.
00:21:15Make peace with them?
00:21:19Oh, I don't know.
00:21:20It's been too long.
00:21:21I don't think they'd go far.
00:21:22All you need is a second chance.
00:21:26Believe me.
00:21:29The third and final rule is the most important of all.
00:21:32These rules have to be to the grave.
00:21:38I think she's been up there long enough.
00:21:40Will you go up and get her, or should I?
00:21:46Father?
00:21:48What is it, Kelly?
00:21:53Nothing.
00:21:55I'll go.
00:21:59Once you've taken the elixir, you yourself must stay out of direct sunlight.
00:22:04Understood?
00:22:05Yes.
00:22:06Remember, if the elixir is hit by direct sunlight, it will mutate.
00:22:12And the results could be disastrous.
00:22:15I got it.
00:22:16And if you do not perform the cleansing ritual before taking the elixir, the results could also be disastrous.
00:22:22I got it.
00:22:22I got it.
00:22:23Granny?
00:22:26Granny, everybody's waiting.
00:22:27I'm coming!
00:22:28I'm coming!
00:22:31I don't know how to thank you, Mr. Rami.
00:22:36It's my pleasure.
00:22:41My loving family is waiting.
00:22:45Would you be so kind as to help me downstairs?
00:22:48I would be so obliged.
00:22:50Certainly.
00:22:53Thank you so much.
00:22:55Hello again.
00:23:00Hello.
00:23:02Granny, will your friend be staying for dinner?
00:23:05Gracious no, child.
00:23:06Mr. Rami is a busy man.
00:23:08People to see, souls to save.
00:23:11Right, Mr. Rami?
00:23:13Some other time, perhaps.
00:23:18Mr. Rami?
00:23:19Of course.
00:23:22Of course.
00:23:22Let's go.
00:23:52Good-bye, Anastasia.
00:23:59Remember, this is our little secret.
00:24:02My lips are sealed, Mr. Armie.
00:24:22Finally, dinner. Junior, wheel your grandmother into the dining room. Hop to it.
00:24:39Dinner with my loving family, my angel.
00:24:42And watch where you're going, you little bastard.
00:24:44I'm sorry, Granny.
00:24:45Pats!
00:24:47How come we always gotta have roast beef?
00:24:53Why can't we have turkey like the rest of America?
00:24:56Junior?
00:24:58Is that a complaint?
00:25:00No.
00:25:01It's prime rib, dear.
00:25:03I love prime rib. The rarer, the better.
00:25:06Wolfgang! Wolfgang!
00:25:09Where is that damn cat?
00:25:17Mother?
00:25:21Oh, God, I hate it when you call me that.
00:25:24What did that gentleman come to see you about?
00:25:27None of your damn business.
00:25:29I see.
00:25:31Have you given any more thought to-
00:25:33Your plans to ship me off to an old folks' home? Yes.
00:25:36And you can forget it, Buster.
00:25:38Granny, I'll have you know Vista de Playa is-
00:25:40A shithole! They're all shitholes!
00:25:43I see right through you.
00:25:46You wanna get rid of me?
00:25:48Tear down my house!
00:25:50And build some ultra-modern pretentious piece of crap!
00:25:54Don't you?
00:25:55I would never!
00:25:58I love this old house.
00:26:01I have such fond memories of growing up here.
00:26:05Really, Dad? Like what?
00:26:08Like...
00:26:10Well...
00:26:12Well, they escaped me at the moment.
00:26:15But right you are, Granny! Vista de Playa is out!
00:26:17Now eat your soup while it's hot.
00:26:31How's your meat?
00:26:33Mmm...
00:26:35Hard.
00:26:41Maybe I should tenderize it for you.
00:26:43Did I overcook?
00:27:03Why is everybody staring at Granny?
00:27:14You're not staring, Amy.
00:27:16Yes, you are.
00:27:17You all look like you're waiting for Granny to swallow poison or something.
00:27:20Amy, darling, it's not nice to say things like that.
00:27:28Well, it's true.
00:27:29Mom, children at this age have incredible imaginations.
00:27:31In fact, they can also be amazing little liars.
00:27:34I'm not a liar!
00:27:36Now look what you did!
00:27:37What I did?
00:27:38You're the kid's father for crying out loud.
00:27:40I'd say her lack of breeding is entirely on your end.
00:27:43You make me sick!
00:27:45But, Mother...
00:27:46You!
00:27:47You're a load I should have swallowed!
00:27:50But, Mother, I...
00:27:52Shut your mouth!
00:27:53Spineless ninnies, all of you.
00:27:56That little girl is the only one among you who isn't afraid to say what she thinks.
00:28:00To speak the truth!
00:28:02You're all a pack of jackals!
00:28:04All of you are just waiting for me to die!
00:28:06You want my money!
00:28:07And don't think I don't know it!
00:28:09Well, three words for you shitheels!
00:28:12Not...
00:28:13A...
00:28:15Die!
00:28:16You hear that?
00:28:17Nut!
00:28:18A...
00:28:19A...
00:28:20Nut!
00:28:29For God's sake, somebody do something!
00:28:36All right, Mother.
00:28:37I'm here.
00:28:38Andrea, get my bag!
00:28:39What are you gonna do?
00:28:40Give her a facelift?
00:28:41Shut up!
00:28:42Take your gun picking hands off me, Albert!
00:28:46Call Dr. Hardy!
00:28:47That quack!
00:28:48Do it!
00:28:49Now!
00:28:53She's with you.
00:28:54Follow me.
00:28:55Doctor.
00:28:59Let's go.
00:29:00Well?
00:29:01What's a good word? Is she dead yet?
00:29:14No such luck.
00:29:15She won't even let me get near her.
00:29:17We have to wait for the quack to finish the examination.
00:29:20You know, this is unbelievable.
00:29:21We poison her super, and what does she do?
00:29:22She goes ahead and has one of her goddamn...
00:29:24Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:29:25She's resting, but it don't look good.
00:29:30Ah.
00:29:31That's it?
00:29:32That's the extent of your professional opinion, doctor?
00:29:35Don't look good?
00:29:36Well, for your information, Mr. Smartypants,
00:29:39she is suffering from a severe subluxation
00:29:42between her seventh and eighth vertebrae.
00:29:44Now, just maybe, if I give her a spinal adjustment,
00:29:47I might be able to free up her life force.
00:29:50But I'm not promising nothing.
00:29:52She had a heart attack, you idiot!
00:29:56You chiropractors are unbelievable!
00:29:58That's it!
00:29:59I want her out, I want her in a hospital right now!
00:30:02Actually...
00:30:03No.
00:30:04She's fine right here.
00:30:05I think you're right, Dr. Hardy.
00:30:07I...
00:30:08What was it you said?
00:30:09Uh, subluxations.
00:30:10Interesting.
00:30:11Um, are they usually fatal?
00:30:12Oh, never mind.
00:30:14Please, you know,
00:30:15I entrust my mother into your capable hands.
00:30:18Please, feel free to adjust away.
00:30:20I'm gonna...
00:30:22Asshole.
00:30:23What'd he say?
00:30:24I don't know.
00:30:25Look, Albert, I took care of my part of the bargain.
00:30:43That will is a perfect piece of forgery.
00:30:45Now, when are you gonna stop being such a panty-waste about this?
00:30:47And what do you suggest, you thumb-sucking bedwetter, huh?
00:30:49Something inconspicuous like smothering her with a pillow?
00:30:52Oh, that's a very good idea.
00:30:54Very effective and to the point.
00:30:55Yeah, God forbid you should get your hands dirty in this.
00:30:57Shh!
00:30:59Look at the two of you standing there like vultures.
00:31:03Probably plotting on how to try to kill me.
00:31:07Vultures, all of you!
00:31:10Andrea, get out of there!
00:31:12Put that down, you greedy bitch!
00:31:14You can't have it!
00:31:15I'm not dead yet!
00:31:16Sorry, Granny.
00:31:19You'll get what's coming to you, all right.
00:31:22All of you!
00:31:23You mark my words.
00:31:31Mmm, it smells so good!
00:31:33Believe it or not, she actually looks better.
00:31:36Wonderful.
00:31:37Why do you even keep up this charade?
00:31:40You're all only interested in one thing, Granny's money.
00:31:43Why don't you admit it?
00:31:44She can't die soon enough for any of you!
00:31:47This family is cursed with greed.
00:31:50I hate you all!
00:31:51Kelly, dear.
00:31:52Come here, please.
00:31:53I need you.
00:31:55I need you.
00:32:00Well, Wood got her panties in a bunch.
00:32:13Well, look who came to join the Death Watch.
00:32:17You don't fool me.
00:32:18You're gonna outlive us all your battle-axe.
00:32:21You thought this was it, didn't you?
00:32:23Thought I was dead.
00:32:25Well, I'm not!
00:32:27How do you like them apples?
00:32:29I like them just fine, Granny.
00:32:35Well, you're the only one, you poor homely child.
00:32:39It's a good thing your mother didn't live long enough to see what's become of this family.
00:32:44Even though she had you out of wedlock with that bastard son of mine,
00:32:48she still was a good and decent woman.
00:32:50Why did that man come to see you about, Granny?
00:32:54He gave me that bottle.
00:32:56Said it would bring me eternal life.
00:33:01How much did it cost you?
00:33:03That doesn't matter.
00:33:04I'm gonna turn over a new life, Kelly.
00:33:08You're right.
00:33:10There is no fountain of youth.
00:33:13We get old and die.
00:33:15I'd like to paint you a prettier picture, but that's all she wrote.
00:33:18But you don't have to end up like me, an ugly, lonely old woman.
00:33:29I spent too many years not loving, not trusting, not living.
00:33:34If I did have a second chance.
00:33:38Oh, there's no telling what might happen.
00:33:43Don't you make the same mistakes I made, you hear?
00:33:47I have to go.
00:33:51I'm gonna start your soup.
00:33:54You call me if you need anything.
00:33:56I'm gonna start your bedroom.
00:33:58I'm gonna get to my bedroom.
00:33:59I feel like you're dreaming.
00:34:01Yes, yes.
00:34:06Ahh, I'm Matt.
00:34:08đã 45 Cam 4 kiai.
00:34:11Tu heures tja plate to cave.
00:34:14I thought you keep disrupting.
00:34:15I never feel like you're late...
00:34:20As you see, sometimes you be crying in bed when you hear me.
00:34:24Wolfgang? Wolfie? Where is that damn cat?
00:34:47Crap! The cleansing ritual!
00:35:04Cleansing ritual. Close your eyes and imagine the light of universal love coming through
00:35:09the top of your head and passing through your body. Take a deep breath and repeat these words.
00:35:15I love everybody with a universal love.
00:35:25What crap! What the heck!
00:35:45Not bad.
00:35:49I love you!
00:35:51I love you!
00:35:59I love you!
00:36:13Kill it! Quick!
00:36:17The soup's almost ready, Granny. I'll be up in a minute.
00:36:27Granny, I brought you soup.
00:36:41Granny?
00:36:45Granny, it's time for your soup.
00:36:49Granny?
00:36:53Granny?
00:36:55Granny?
00:36:57Granny?
00:36:59Granny?
00:37:01Granny?
00:37:11No!
00:37:12No!
00:37:13No!
00:37:14No!
00:37:15Oh, Albert, don't you think you're overdoing it just a tad?
00:37:18These are tears of joy, you idiot!
00:37:31I thought I'd never live to see the day.
00:37:33Her mother would be loaded in the back of a hearse!
00:37:37Oh, my God!
00:37:44Oh, my God!
00:38:00We are gathered here to read the last will and testament of Anastasia Gargoli.
00:38:25I don't know whether you are aware of the fact that Granny recently revised her will.
00:38:32I haven't had a chance to read it myself.
00:38:43I, Anastasia Gargoli, being of sound mind and body,
00:38:48do hereby bequeath equally among my surviving family, with the exception of Kelly,
00:38:56my entire estate and the proceeds thereof.
00:39:00Excuse me, Mr. Sadler, is it?
00:39:03Exactly what is the estate?
00:39:05Well, as close as I can figure it, it's worth about 170 million, give or take a few hundred thousand,
00:39:15which means that each of you will receive 15 million dollars, after taxes, of course.
00:39:23Yes!
00:39:24What about me, Mr. Sadler?
00:39:31For my granddaughter, Kelly, I leave the sum of one dollar.
00:39:42But that can't be right.
00:39:44That's what it says, Kelly. Too bad.
00:39:47Too bad.
00:39:51I never wanted any of Granny's money, even though I deserve it more than any of you.
00:39:58This just can't be right.
00:40:00Are you saying that you're disputing the will?
00:40:09No.
00:40:11Let them have it.
00:40:20Crazy coots.
00:40:23If you'll just sign this for my fee, I'll be gone.
00:40:31Your grandma talked about you all the time.
00:40:34Right proud of you she was.
00:40:38Really?
00:40:39That's right.
00:40:41I really didn't care for the others too much.
00:40:43I can hardly blame her.
00:40:45Be careful what you wish for, that's what I say.
00:40:49Well, I'll be going.
00:40:52If, uh, you change your mind about disputing the will, give me your calls.
00:40:59Don't mention it.
00:41:00I'll be going.
00:41:01I'll be going.
00:41:02I'll be going.
00:41:03I'll be going.
00:41:04I'll be going.
00:41:05Okay.
00:41:06I'm getting a Ferrari.
00:41:07I'm sorry?
00:41:08Yeah.
00:41:09Yeah.
00:41:10Take a...
00:41:11Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:41:12Quiet down everyone, please.
00:41:13Quiet.
00:41:14Quiet.
00:41:15We could all have a moment of silence for our dearly departed Granny.
00:41:19Saturday there will be memorial service for my mother.
00:41:33But tonight, tonight we will have a small, intimate, unpretentious party.
00:41:40A toast to my dearly departed mother, and whatever miracle it was that inspired her to change her will.
00:42:10We only have one question, Helder.
00:42:12Don't keep it a secret.
00:42:13What are you going to do with all this money?
00:42:15Oh, Freddy boy, I have plans.
00:42:18Do I have plans?
00:42:20My first project is to tear down this antediluvian monstrosity, and then, in honor of mi amore, build...
00:42:29Voila!
00:42:30Casa Andrea!
00:42:40Ah!
00:42:54Hi, Amy.
00:42:55Hi, Kelly.
00:42:57How come you're not down at the party?
00:43:00I'm not in a party mood, honey.
00:43:03Why are you packing?
00:43:06Well, with Granny gone, there's really nothing left for me here.
00:43:13Where are you going to go?
00:43:18I don't know.
00:43:20This is the only home I've ever known.
00:43:24Can I go with you?
00:43:28No, sweetheart.
00:43:32But I promise I'll visit.
00:43:36Maybe you can come and stay with us.
00:43:46No.
00:43:47I don't think that that would work out.
00:43:52You're right.
00:43:54My family's kind of weird.
00:43:57Yeah.
00:43:58Do you want me as badly as I want you?
00:44:08Oh, yeah.
00:44:09I have to tell you, I'm into total honesty.
00:44:14Oh, so am I.
00:44:15Good.
00:44:16Are you happy being single?
00:44:18Uh, why?
00:44:20Because I don't think that you are.
00:44:22And if you want me, you're going to have to choose.
00:44:26Bachelorhood or me.
00:44:28You drive a hard bargain.
00:44:33Well, I'm not my father's daughter for nothing.
00:44:36Could we negotiate this?
00:44:39I would suggest a trial period.
00:44:42You see, that way, we could see if both parties were satisfied before actually closing the deal.
00:44:49Oh, I think you'll be more than satisfied with these.
00:44:51Okay.
00:44:58Besides, I can bring more than this to the party.
00:45:02Such as?
00:45:03Such as my part of the inheritance.
00:45:07You'd do that.
00:45:11For you, I would.
00:45:12We can join forces.
00:45:15Think of it as a collective bargaining agreement.
00:45:18Maximize our returns.
00:45:20Profit from our investments.
00:45:21Oh, my God.
00:45:21I think I'm in love.
00:45:23We'll close the deal at midnight.
00:45:25Don't be late.
00:45:29See you later, Uncle Dave.
00:45:31Okay.
00:45:43Is that her?
00:45:45Bigger than shit.
00:45:46I thought she was like, you know, immortal.
00:45:53Like she was never gonna die.
00:45:56Well, she's dead now, honey.
00:45:59Dead, dead, dead.
00:46:01I've never seen a rich person dead before.
00:46:07It's kind of a turn on.
00:46:10Yeah?
00:46:11Yeah.
00:46:12Thinking about all that money.
00:46:15Whoa.
00:46:16What is it, Leanne?
00:46:17She moved, Lenny.
00:46:18I swear to God, she moved.
00:46:22For dumb.
00:46:23For stupid.
00:46:25Her arm just fell down.
00:46:26Look.
00:46:27See?
00:46:29Dead.
00:46:30D-E-D.
00:46:32Look at that.
00:46:34God, that ring could choke a horse.
00:46:38Can I have it, Lenny?
00:46:40Leanne.
00:46:40Well, she don't need it no more, Lenny.
00:46:42And I'd be so appreciative if you gave it to me.
00:46:45And you know how appreciative I can be.
00:46:49Whoa.
00:46:55Oh, Leanne, honey, it's stuck.
00:46:57It won't budge.
00:46:58You get me that ring, Lenny Dupree.
00:47:01Or you won't ever get none, never.
00:47:03Okay.
00:47:04Okay.
00:47:05Okay.
00:47:09Woo!
00:47:10Woo!
00:47:11Here I come.
00:47:14Oh, God.
00:47:15Don't worry, honey.
00:47:20I'll have this all for you and...
00:47:21Just want to savor this minute a bit longer.
00:47:34I'll be right there.
00:47:41You won't be long.
00:47:43I promise.
00:47:44Very nice.
00:48:07Very nice
00:48:10There you are, Father
00:48:18Well, the bitch is with you now
00:48:26God help you both
00:48:28You deserve each other
00:48:30Two of you are
00:48:33Vile, vile, and overbearing
00:48:35Let's not forget you're as incompetent a father as you were a surgeon
00:48:43They used to call you Tyrus the Butcher
00:48:49You're a man with the feelings and empathy of a toad
00:48:54I can't wait to wipe every trace of the two of you off the face of the earth
00:48:58Then I'll finally be free of you
00:49:00Free, free
00:49:01What the hell is that?
00:49:04What's going on here?
00:49:05What is this?
00:49:07Is that a joke?
00:49:09Oh, please
00:49:11This is not funny
00:49:15Who's there?
00:49:16Who's that?
00:49:17What's going on here?
00:49:21That's right
00:49:22The bitch is back
00:49:24Okay, kids, time for bed
00:49:48Chop, chop, chop, chop
00:49:49It's the Twilight Zone marathon, Uncle David
00:49:52Yeah, Angela Lansbury's just about to get it
00:49:56What was that?
00:50:01What was what?
00:50:03That scream
00:50:03Angela Lansbury
00:50:05No, that wasn't it
00:50:08No, that wasn't it
00:50:08Where's Kelly?
00:50:10She's in her room
00:50:11And your parents?
00:50:13Who knows, probably bumping ugly somewhere
00:50:15Okay, I want you two in bed in five minutes
00:50:20Got it?
00:50:21Yeah, we got it
00:50:23I'm scared
00:50:26I'm scared
00:50:27Shut up
00:50:28Al, Albert
00:50:36Andrea
00:50:38Jerry
00:50:39I'm scared
00:50:55Oh, my God.
00:51:25What's going on?
00:51:35Where is everybody?
00:51:36Put some clothes on.
00:51:37We're leaving now.
00:51:38What is it, Kelly?
00:51:39I don't know.
00:51:40You've got to listen to me.
00:51:42Stay right here.
00:51:51Junior, you go help Amy.
00:51:53Do it.
00:51:54No.
00:51:55I heard you were having a party.
00:52:13Mind if I crash?
00:52:18What's going on?
00:52:20Do you not scare him?
00:52:21I don't know.
00:52:21Whatever it is, kick his ass.
00:52:24Ready for that rematch, you little turd?
00:52:26Fuck you, Granny.
00:52:28Oh, tough guy, huh?
00:52:29Come on.
00:52:30Show me what you've got.
00:52:32Come on.
00:52:35Take that, you bitch.
00:52:40Granny sighs his shorty up.
00:52:42Come on.
00:52:43She grabs him in a disc lock.
00:52:45Then she swings him around and slams him back against the wall.
00:52:49Again and again.
00:52:51Now she grabs his head and bangs his head down on the railing.
00:52:54As her headache, kid.
00:52:55Ha ha ha ha ha.
00:52:58There we go.
00:52:59What been over?
00:53:01Ow.
00:53:01Come on.
00:53:02Come on.
00:53:06Ready or not, coming at you up.
00:53:08Ow.
00:53:14Come on.
00:53:15Come on.
00:53:16Come on.
00:53:16Ah.
00:53:18Ah.
00:53:18Ah.
00:53:19Ah.
00:53:19Ah.
00:53:20Ah.
00:53:20Ah.
00:53:21Ah.
00:53:21Ah.
00:53:22Ah.
00:53:22Ah.
00:53:23Ah.
00:53:24Ah.
00:53:24Ah.
00:53:25The crowd goes wild.
00:53:27Granny hears his body over her head and pummels him down with a knack.
00:53:33Don't tell us, kiddo.
00:53:37You always were my favorite.
00:53:42Come to bottom.
00:53:44I fed you, put a roof over your head, and you shoot me in the back.
00:54:10It's OK, Amy.
00:54:11It's OK.
00:54:12She can't hurt us anymore.
00:54:15We've got to get out of here.
00:54:16Let's go.
00:54:17What about Junior?
00:54:18He's dead, Amy.
00:54:20Let's go.
00:54:21Let's go.
00:54:32No!
00:54:33I can get a roof?
00:54:34We?
00:54:35Amy, honey, it's not that far in your town.
00:54:40You think you can make it?
00:54:42I think so.
00:54:43You're going to be just fine.
00:54:45You just stay on the road, and you don't stop for anything.
00:54:48Do you understand me?
00:54:49I understand.
00:54:50Now you go.
00:54:51You run like the wind.
00:54:52Go!
00:54:53Let me go!
00:55:53It's all right. It's okay. It's me. Here to help.
00:56:23Kelly! Over here!
00:56:30Kelly! Kelly!
00:56:35Kelly! I'm over here!
00:56:38Hi, Kelly! Want some soup? Made it myself!
00:56:50With a little help from me!
00:56:53Glad you could join us, sweetheart!
00:57:02Kelly, my dear. Nice to see you. Join us, won't you?
00:57:05She really doesn't have much choice, does she?
00:57:08Are we gonna help, Kelly? I hope so.
00:57:14And Granny? We'll see.
00:57:16Listen, Amy, you're gonna have to be very brave and create a diversion so I can go in and get Kelly. Do you understand?
00:57:22I understand.
00:57:24Good. Look...
00:57:25That's right! No! Right there!
00:57:27God, I hate the headless.
00:57:28You walk right by the other side! Get him!
00:57:30For crying out! Would you turn around?
00:57:32Come, get back here!
00:57:33Hey!
00:57:34Oh!
00:57:35I thought I'd never see you again.
00:57:37Grab him! Grab him!
00:57:38Grab him!
00:57:40We're gonna follow my points!
00:57:41Don't you have to answer the question?
00:57:42What?
00:57:43What?
00:57:44All clear.
00:57:59All clear.
00:58:03No!
00:58:04That's it, you bitch!
00:58:14I never did like you.
00:58:26That goes double for me too, bitch.
00:58:52It's the holy sword of the blue chow.
00:59:11Mommy?
00:59:14Amy? Amy, where are you, darling?
00:59:17Mommy, I'm here, Mommy.
00:59:19Amy, come to me, sweetheart. I'm worried about you.
00:59:23Mommy, I'm so scared. I thought you were one of them.
00:59:26It's all right, Amy. It's all right now.
00:59:29That's right, Amy. Always listen to your mother.
00:59:32After all, mother knows best!
00:59:35Come on! It's a trap!
00:59:44Come on! It's a trap!
00:59:46She's under Granny's power.
00:59:59She's under Granny's power.
01:00:12Amy, listen to me.
01:00:15Listen to me.
01:00:18Amy?
01:00:20Answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:24Amy?
01:00:25Answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:26Amy?
01:00:27Answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:29Amy?
01:00:30Amy?
01:00:31Answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:34Amy?
01:00:35Amy?
01:00:36Amy?
01:00:37Answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:38Amy?
01:00:39Since when did you become such a softy?
01:00:40One thing I despise is weakness.
01:00:42Always have, David was weak, and Albert hot, spineless, but you, you I had hope for.
01:01:04You had potential.
01:01:11Look, this is my fight. I must face her.
01:01:27Stop this in the name of the holy creature.
01:01:29Fenn, look who comes riding in here like the Lone Ranger.
01:01:34You are to blame for all of this whole mess.
01:01:38Although, I have to thank you for one thing.
01:01:42What would that be?
01:01:43I feel better than I felt in years.
01:01:48You have corrupted the power of the Guijal.
01:01:51Well, what did you expect, you pious fuck?
01:01:54I'm Granny!
01:01:56Look out!
01:01:57You bitch.
01:02:15Bitch, me?
01:02:21I was going to give you everything, don't you know?
01:02:23But those weasels screwed you out of it.
01:02:27And did you really think you were going to ride off into the sunset with that?
01:02:33No, but I liked it.
01:02:37He probably just wanted your money.
01:02:39Boy, was he in for a big surprise.
01:02:43But the money means nothing now.
01:02:44Because you are going to inherit something much better.
01:02:50What do you mean?
01:02:51You are going to get a second chance.
01:02:55A second chance at making this world into the scum pit it really is.
01:03:02A world filled with greed and corruption.
01:03:06You are going to get a shot.
01:03:07And all the people who made fun of you, who hurt you, you are going to get to burn them.
01:03:13Burn them all.
01:03:14I got my second chance.
01:03:16Now you're going to get yours.
01:03:19You don't frighten me.
01:03:21I don't?
01:03:23Well, tell me, little Kelly.
01:03:25What does scare you?
01:03:26What frightens you the most?
01:03:28Nothing.
01:03:29Nothing?
01:03:30Nothing frightens me.
01:03:32Oh, come on.
01:03:36Wait, wait!
01:03:41Hey, wait!
01:03:44Hey!
01:03:51Hey!
01:03:51Keep going!
01:03:52Hey!
01:03:54Hey!
01:03:55Hey!
01:03:59Hey, you're ready!
01:04:00Ready to go!
01:04:00Hey!
01:04:08Hey!
01:04:09Hey!
01:04:11Hey!
01:04:12Hey!
01:04:13Hey!
01:04:14Ah!
01:04:16Get out!
01:04:18Get out!
01:04:23Let's go!
01:04:25Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:04:28Ah!
01:04:30Ah!
01:04:32Ah!
01:04:33Ah!
01:04:34Ah!
01:04:37What?
01:04:38Oh, no!
01:04:39Kill me!
01:04:58Now I'm gonna run this up your ass, just like I did your boyfriend!
01:05:09Wah-ha!
01:05:11Wah-ha!
01:05:19Wah-ha-ha!
01:05:36Amy? Kelly?
01:05:39Come on!
01:05:54Do you think they'll believe us?
01:05:56I don't know why not. It's almost the truth.
01:05:59Granny faked her own death, discovered her family had forged her will and murdered them.
01:06:04That's the goddamnedest thing I've ever seen. She used high explosives, huh?
01:06:14That's right.
01:06:15Well, if it was one crazy coot, that's for sure. No offense.
01:06:21None taken.
01:06:27Well, you're free to go, but let us know of your whereabouts in case we need to get a hold of you.
01:06:34I will.
01:06:35We'll be in touch.
01:06:36I'm really gonna miss everybody.
01:06:40I'm really gonna miss everybody.
01:06:41Mm-hmm.
01:06:42Me too, sweetheart.
01:06:43It's just you and me now, Amy.
01:06:47The others were weak.
01:06:48But you and I are strong.
01:06:49I've got hope for you.
01:06:50I've got hope for you.
01:06:51You've got potential.
01:06:52You've got your ass, bitch!
01:06:53The best of your ass hints!
01:06:54The
01:07:00to the
01:07:15Bitch!
01:07:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
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