- 7/3/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00:00Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:00:09The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:00:11I'm Drew Carey. You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.
00:00:14They're excellent.
00:00:17Now, let's play a game called Scenes from a Hat.
00:00:25Yeah, you know, before every show, we asked every audience
00:00:28write down suggestions for scenes they like to see our performers act out from the hat.
00:00:32And let's see how many they can do, starting with...
00:00:35Things you can say about your business, but not your girlfriend.
00:00:44It's open 24 hours.
00:00:52I just leased out some space to a buddy of mine on Beck.
00:00:58Parking in Rear.
00:01:09All right.
00:01:11Shows on which you'd never expect Barney the Dinosaur to make a cameo.
00:01:15Yes, that's my final answer.
00:01:25I didn't do anything.
00:01:26Okay, get up against the trailer.
00:01:27I didn't do anything.
00:01:28Bad boy, bad boy.
00:01:29What you doing?
00:01:30I didn't do anything.
00:01:31I'm the father, Rachel.
00:01:32I'm the father, Rachel.
00:01:36I'm voting Michael off the aisle.
00:01:50Hillbilly Proverbs.
00:01:51A wife ain't nothing but just a sister that you hug.
00:02:07When the going gets tough, squeal like a pig.
00:02:22All right.
00:02:23Oh, man.
00:02:24I won't.
00:02:25What drew whispers in his date's ear?
00:02:27What's your name again?
00:02:29Keep the change.
00:02:30All right.
00:02:31All right.
00:02:32Oh, man.
00:02:33I won't.
00:02:34What drew whispers in his date's ear?
00:02:36What drew whispers in his date's ear?
00:02:41What drew that, ghostly furries?
00:02:43What drew whispers in his Company,
00:02:45and she says what's your name again.
00:02:50Keep the change.
00:02:51Wait where do you see him?
00:02:52Bye.
00:02:54bad times for that laxative to kick in.
00:02:57it's bad.
00:03:02um
00:03:06bad times for that laxative to kick
00:03:08in all right us.
00:03:10Now, if you turn to page four to seven in your hymnals...
00:03:14...
00:03:22...
00:03:26...
00:03:30...
00:03:32...
00:03:34...
00:03:38...
00:03:40...
00:03:42Unusual things for a neighbor to ask to borrow.
00:03:46Suzanne, I need to borrow your husband.
00:03:54Hi, I need some monkey testicles and a cola.
00:03:58Hey, I was just wondering if you could keep your blinds open like an hour later.
00:04:12Alright.
00:04:14If you use... oh, boy.
00:04:16If you use... oh, boy.
00:04:20If you used stripper moves to perform mundane tasks...
00:04:24...
00:04:26...
00:04:28Nurse? Scalpel?
00:04:30Where is my contact?
00:04:34...
00:04:36...
00:04:38...
00:04:40...
00:04:50...
00:04:52...
00:04:54...
00:04:56All right.
00:04:58World's worst thing to say
00:05:06The first time you see someone naked
00:05:08Oh
00:05:12Oh that reminds me
00:05:24My tire needs new treads
00:05:26No seriously
00:05:36Who's Jake
00:05:41And Phil
00:05:44And Gary
00:05:45And Howard
00:05:46And Jim
00:05:47And Steve
00:05:48And Drew
00:05:49And Carol
00:05:50Strange television shows
00:05:57For Mr. Rogers
00:05:57To make a guest appearance on
00:05:59All right Apollo
00:06:03Give it up for Mr. Rogers
00:06:04Well yes
00:06:11I'd have to say
00:06:12That is my final answer
00:06:13I'm Brittany Spears
00:06:18From Las Vegas
00:06:19And I'm gonna do my
00:06:19Curtain call
00:06:20With my good friend
00:06:21Mr. Rogers
00:06:22Well
00:06:26Well
00:06:27I'm gonna have to vote out Billy
00:06:30Disturbing times to make animal noises
00:06:43Sweetheart
00:06:47Realize how fast you're going
00:07:00What life would have been like
00:07:25What life would have been like
00:07:28If your parents were insult comics
00:07:30You getting waiter is your ass eating your pants
00:07:36All right
00:07:47What's on TV in hell
00:07:50Click
00:07:54UPN
00:07:55Thursday, Lilac
00:07:56Tonight
00:08:04Tonight
00:08:04An all special
00:08:05Naked Golden Girls
00:08:06Buttcracks of the rich and famous
00:08:16Things found written in hillbilly fortune cookies
00:08:35Hell I can't read
00:08:46You just ate what could have been your lover
00:08:55Hope you enjoyed the chop
00:09:08Howdy
00:09:16Hit number
00:09:25Oh boy
00:09:26Hit numbers from a musical about breasts
00:09:29I got a dime for two nipples
00:09:36And
00:09:37Memories
00:09:46I like to stick my head in
00:09:58Go
00:09:58I like to stick my head in
00:10:09Oh
00:10:11Damn this will be
00:10:13Come in Tokyo
00:10:25Come in Tokyo
00:10:26The newest number in Stump
00:10:32You make me feel so young
00:10:46Strike up the old Victrola
00:11:02I'm showing my areola
00:11:04Unlikely subjects to be the basis for a musical
00:11:11Unlikely subjects to be the basis for a musical
00:11:11What's the matter with roadkill?
00:11:17What's the matter with roadkill?
00:11:19How does food become poo?
00:11:28I'll tell you
00:11:31Why do dogs lick themselves?
00:11:48How does food become poo?
00:11:51Things you shouldn't do last minute
00:11:59Things you shouldn't do at the last minute
00:12:01And have a good first day at school
00:12:04Daddy's gay
00:12:05Thank you
00:12:06That was an interesting one
00:12:15Unlikely first lines of medical ads
00:12:19Ever wonder how food becomes poo?
00:12:24Been decapitated recently?
00:12:38Alright
00:12:39What's really going through George W. Bush's mind
00:12:43During cabinet meetings?
00:12:54Hmm
00:13:00What does the W stand for?
00:13:06Whatever
00:13:06There isn't even a cabinet in here
00:13:24That's where poo comes from
00:13:29If lessons in love and sex
00:13:36Were taught in the style of Sesame Street
00:13:38Abierto
00:13:43Cerrado
00:13:54Now it's time to look at Big Bird
00:14:04One of these things
00:14:13Doesn't the law
00:14:14The letter H
00:14:28Alright
00:14:38Jeopardy questions
00:14:42Where the Who's Line cast members
00:14:44Are the answers
00:14:45I'll take people who sit behind a desk
00:14:50And do nothing for 500 please
00:14:52I'll take reasons why the letter H
00:15:05Will keep me up for years to come
00:15:07For 400
00:15:08I'll take people whose head is a solar plate
00:15:16For a sex machine
00:15:17Bad things to say as you're about to kiss her
00:15:26I was once part of the letter H
00:15:32I was once part of the letter H
00:15:32A thousand boys each year plus
00:15:41This is our Halloween episode
00:15:42I asked the producers for Halloween candy to pass out
00:15:45So they gave me a bowl of jelly beans
00:15:47Which is
00:15:48Maybe not Halloween candy in England
00:15:50But in here it's
00:15:51Easter candy
00:15:53So
00:15:54Have some Easter candy
00:15:57Jelly beans on the floor
00:16:04Jelly beans on the floor
00:16:07This is the best holiday ever
00:16:09I thought it was going to look like those orange peanuts
00:16:12And all that kind of crap
00:16:13But jelly beans
00:16:14Okay let's go on to my favorite game
00:16:18Scenes from a hat
00:16:19Things you don't want to hear in the dark
00:16:24Trust me
00:16:28The points don't matter
00:16:29Hey baby
00:16:36Move over
00:16:37George
00:16:43What slasher movie villains are really thinking
00:16:51While they're waiting to pop out
00:16:52I wonder if I can deduct the gasoline
00:17:01Man I gotta go
00:17:08Stop it
00:17:16You're about to die
00:17:17You are going to die
00:17:20You are going to die
00:17:22I can't believe they came back in the house
00:17:32Where are they?
00:17:41Jeez
00:17:41Hope nothing's happened to them
00:17:43This is my family
00:17:52I'm doing this family
00:17:55You've killed a family in this neighborhood before
00:17:57Give some new guys a chance
00:17:58Hey
00:17:58This is my rock
00:18:00This is my rock
00:18:01Disturbing people to get a lap dance from
00:18:08I am not an animal
00:18:31I am not an animal
00:18:32All right
00:18:37Unfortunate times to sneeze
00:18:40If you'd please hand me the moil
00:18:46Jobs where you shouldn't kid around
00:19:03Would you please hand me the moil?
00:19:06You owe $50,000 in back taxes
00:19:14You owe $50,000 in back taxes
00:19:14Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:19:17The munchkins
00:19:24What are they doing now?
00:19:25Well
00:19:31Their fries are ready
00:19:33I'm a short order cook
00:19:39It looks like you need to do a muffler
00:19:49In this corner
00:19:56The mayor of the lollipop guild
00:20:01In this corner
00:20:03Gary Colbyn
00:20:05Fight!
00:20:12You forgot to give points, Mr. Gary
00:20:14Ending a long-term relationship
00:20:23In song
00:20:24Baby, baby, you gots to go
00:20:30You gots to go
00:20:31Why, why, why
00:20:32Because you's a ho
00:20:33Bye, bye
00:20:34Bye, bye
00:20:35Bye, bye
00:20:36Oh, I'm one lucky little miss
00:20:44I don't need you
00:20:46I'm dating your sister
00:20:48You are dead to me
00:20:57Nothing but scum
00:21:02When I look in your eyes
00:21:05I get inflammation of the bum
00:21:09You make me feel putrid
00:21:14I hate the rage
00:21:16Things you've always wanted to say
00:21:27To the audience at home
00:21:28They're all wearing toupees
00:21:34When a kiss
00:21:46When a kiss
00:21:46Is completely out of line
00:21:47You may now kiss the bride
00:21:55Sorry
00:21:58Good morning, Mr. President
00:22:06Good morning
00:22:07Well, shall I give you your briefing?
00:22:18Hey, your kid's been beating up my kid
00:22:21All righty
00:22:45Can we get women on the show?
00:22:47Unusual ways for your optometrist
00:22:55To test your vision
00:22:56If Tarzan had appeared in other TV shows
00:23:09Yes, that final answer
00:23:13What you talking about, Cheetah?
00:23:21Me want boy go
00:23:30It's a survivor thing
00:23:35Me want boy go
00:23:36Fame
00:23:41I want to live forever
00:23:44Hey, that great album
00:23:50Me borrow it for a weekend?
00:23:52No, sorry brother
00:23:53You got to get your own
00:23:54All right
00:24:03Unusual phrases to be teaching
00:24:06In an English as a second language class
00:24:08Repeat after me
00:24:13Go, Beaver, go
00:24:15Everyone repeat
00:24:22Would you like to supersize that?
00:24:31Repete
00:24:32Use your blinker
00:24:33Strange comments for your doctor to make
00:24:46After turn your head and cough
00:24:48Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?
00:25:00Do you smell bacon?
00:25:03All right
00:25:08Now bend over and sneeze
00:25:09Now, here's how you throw a curve
00:25:17Maybe I should turn up the heat in here
00:25:24Besides an athletic event
00:25:38And a criminal getaway
00:25:39Times when people run as fast as they can
00:25:43Maria, before I die
00:25:50Give me a big wet kiss
00:25:52I've got tickets to Pauly Shore's one-man show
00:26:03Hold on
00:26:11Bad segues following tragic news stories
00:26:22And everyone died
00:26:26Speaking of dying
00:26:27I've been dying to see the new Bruce Willis flick
00:26:29It's coming up
00:26:29It was a big, big loss
00:26:35Speaking of big
00:26:36Right after this
00:26:37The Drew Carey Show
00:26:38After
00:26:39You are all gonna pay
00:26:47Phrases that just don't sound right
00:26:54When a cheesy announcer says them
00:26:56Please accept my condolences
00:27:02That's right
00:27:16I'll respect you in the morning
00:27:18Things you shouldn't do while standing in a police lineup
00:27:26Give me all your money
00:27:30Give me all your money
00:27:30Disturbing things to hear someone
00:27:59yell out during sex.
00:28:04I've got blood in my stomach.
00:28:19Number 47.
00:28:24Your name.
00:28:26I can't remember your name.
00:28:29Drew!
00:28:34Oh!
00:28:39All right.
00:28:42Odd things to say using a sexy voice.
00:28:49Do you want any fries with that?
00:28:50Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today.
00:29:07You have a booger hanging out of your room.
00:29:09I think we should litigate, but if we have to go to trial, we will.
00:29:23I'll get hot, so I'll go into something else.
00:29:27Bad moments for a woman's water to break.
00:29:30Don't be nervous.
00:29:44It's okay.
00:29:47Don't be nervous.
00:29:59It's okay.
00:29:59I'm a virgin.
00:30:00No, I'm not.
00:30:04No, I'm not.
00:30:05When a passionate kiss is completely out of line.
00:30:24When a passionate kiss is completely out of line.
00:30:26I'm not.
00:30:41Yeah.
00:30:42I'm not.
00:30:42I'm not.
00:30:43Don't be nervous.
00:30:43Oh, no.
00:30:45All right, officer.
00:31:05Yeah, we're taking in.
00:31:06Okay.
00:31:13Not so bad, is he?
00:31:15All right, team.
00:31:24What we're going to do right now is we're going to demolish the Wolverines' defense.
00:31:28You with me?
00:31:29Yeah!
00:31:29Are you with me?
00:31:30Yeah!
00:31:30Are you with me?
00:31:31Yeah!
00:31:32Are you with me?
00:31:40Things you wish you hadn't said to that Hell's Angel.
00:31:43Why don't you paint your motorcycle pink?
00:31:53My, you have full lips.
00:31:58Your old lady has the prettiest boobs.
00:32:00The bigger the bike, the smaller the...
00:32:07Oh!
00:32:15Would you sign my Village People album?
00:32:17What really frightened Miss Muffet away?
00:32:25Youurun'
00:32:29Like...
00:32:37Zzz!
00:32:39Zzz!
00:32:40Zzz!
00:32:40Zzz!
00:32:41Zzz!
00:32:41Zip!
00:32:42Zzz!
00:32:45Zzz!
00:32:46Zzz!
00:32:49All right.
00:32:49Dr. Seuss-inspired pick-up lines.
00:32:58Hello, my dear. You are first-rate.
00:33:00How about we go on a date?
00:33:03Oh, you're so good-looking. Boo-billy-boo.
00:33:05Come back to my place for some bam-a-dee-boo.
00:33:14Come home with me. I'm not scary.
00:33:16I'm really rich. I'm du-carry.
00:33:19You're the kind of girl that I'd like to know.
00:33:28My name is Horton, and I see a hoe.
00:33:38Could you do it with a friend? Could you do it end-to-end?
00:33:41Would you do it on a goat? Would you do it with my coat?
00:33:44Would you do it in a tree? Would you do it while I see?
00:33:47Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee?
00:33:50Are you my mommy?
00:34:06Come sleep with me. Sleep with me twice.
00:34:08I think that would be really nice.
00:34:09Looky-looky at the size of my shoe.
00:34:11You know what they say. Yes, it is true.
00:34:17The world's worst news anchor.
00:34:22There was a bombing today.
00:34:23Hee-hee-hee-hee.
00:34:24This just in, Wayne's got a fig old foot.
00:34:51What are you looking at me for?
00:35:02Nothing I'm looking at.
00:35:02I just...
00:35:03Can't take my eyes off your fig old foot.
00:35:08What our cameramen are thinking right now.
00:35:11He really does have a big butt.
00:35:17LAUGHTER
00:35:18APPLAUSE
00:35:19All right.
00:35:37Baby Drew's first words.
00:35:39Colin's bald.
00:35:43Colin's bald.
00:35:49Hey, nurse, come on.
00:35:53LAUGHTER
00:35:54Pizza.
00:35:55Pizza.
00:35:59Pizza.
00:36:01LAUGHTER
00:36:02Show me them boobs.
00:36:10Come on.
00:36:11LAUGHTER
00:36:11APPLAUSE
00:36:12All right.
00:36:16Things you might say about your computer,
00:36:21but not your girlfriend.
00:36:22LAUGHTER
00:36:22LAUGHTER
00:36:24It's gone down again.
00:36:27LAUGHTER
00:36:28Wow, it's got a lot of RAM.
00:36:35LAUGHTER
00:36:36LAUGHTER
00:36:36BOOM!
00:36:40Oh, that was easier to get into than I thought.
00:36:42LAUGHTER
00:36:44APPLAUSE
00:36:45Next year, I'm getting rid of it and getting the new model.
00:36:54LAUGHTER
00:36:54Come on, let go of my floppy.
00:37:01LAUGHTER
00:37:02Like Oklahoma, musicals about different U.S. states.
00:37:10LAUGHTER
00:37:12I'll ask you where it stays light all of the year.
00:37:17LAUGHTER
00:37:18LAUGHTER
00:37:19Well, you'll never find me in Alabama.
00:37:25No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:27Because being there, it's no fun.
00:37:31I get a workout, because all I do is run.
00:37:33In Alabama, in Alabama, in Alabama, in Alabama!
00:37:37Ah, oh, oh, oh!
00:37:41You-o-u-ta, where I live, with my 28 wives.
00:37:52Going back to Mississippi, where my cousin is my dad.
00:37:57LAUGHTER
00:37:59Hawaii, it's tough to drive there from here.
00:38:12Sumo wrestlers in other professions.
00:38:17Sumo wrestlers in other professions.
00:38:22Anyone else want their clams shucks?
00:38:29Oh, man.
00:38:47Anecdotes dogs would tell if they appeared on talk shows.
00:38:54So get this, Jay.
00:38:56We can't come apart.
00:38:57So the neighbor comes out with a hose.
00:39:00And we're going round and round and round and round.
00:39:08I mean, they had to call the fire department.
00:39:10You know what I'm saying?
00:39:12Oh, this bitch was in heat.
00:39:13Let me tell you something.
00:39:18So I'm chasing what I think is another dog's tail.
00:39:22Jerry, I'm here to tell my husband I'm in love with a cat.
00:39:37Meow.
00:39:38Meow.
00:39:43Meow.
00:39:43So as I'm licking, I hiccup and my testicles become lodged in my throat.
00:39:55Well, I couldn't breathe.
00:40:02Man.
00:40:04Wow.
00:40:04I still have a bit lodged there right now.
00:40:12Yeah, I'm Drew Carey's dog.
00:40:14And, uh, you know, right around 11 o'clock he breaks out the peanut butter and I know what's coming.
00:40:18The first verbal exchange between Adam and Eve.
00:40:30Damn!
00:40:34Not tonight.
00:40:39Where do you want to go for dinner?
00:40:40I don't know.
00:40:41Where do you want to go for dinner?
00:40:41Where do you want to go?
00:40:42Oh, yeah, if you don't have to go for dinner, you don't have to go for dinner, you don't have to go for dinner.
00:40:45All right.
00:40:47Moments when cheerleading is inappropriate.
00:40:51Grandpa's dead.
00:40:52Give me a D.
00:40:54Give me an E.
00:40:55Give me a...
00:40:56Come on, where's your enthusiasm?
00:41:05Vasectomy, vasectomy, clip, clip, clip.
00:41:12Okay.
00:41:13Somebody's going to the electric chair.
00:41:15Got a fry.
00:41:15Got a fry.
00:41:16Somebody's going to the electric chair.
00:41:18Come on.
00:41:19Say what?
00:41:20Go.
00:41:20Go.
00:41:22Let's do it.
00:41:26All right.
00:41:28Strange welcome greetings on signs as you enter into different U.S. states.
00:41:37Come and hang out in Alabama.
00:41:42Welcome to Montana.
00:41:50There's nobody here.
00:41:55Entering Ohio.
00:41:56Watch out for Drew.
00:41:57Boom.
00:42:05Welcome to Hawaii.
00:42:06How'd you get here in a car?
00:42:12Welcome to Rhode Island.
00:42:17Thanks for visiting Rhode Island.
00:42:24Utah welcomes you and your wives.
00:42:33Whose line is it anyway?
00:42:34Shower cam.
00:42:35Hey, you're late.
00:42:48Times when you don't want a spotlight on you.
00:42:52I'll just try on these bikinis in here, I guess.
00:42:54I'll just try on these bikinis in here, I guess.
00:43:07Got to pass this stone.
00:43:08Got to pass this stone.
00:43:17That was one bad burrito.
00:43:20Unlikely famous movie scenes to be done nude.
00:43:33The hills are alive!
00:43:43You looking at me?
00:43:44I'm the king of the world!
00:43:57Look, I'm your father.
00:44:04All right.
00:44:06The wrong thing to say when your girlfriend is trying on clothes.
00:44:10You are so gorgeous.
00:44:25Yeah, it looks good.
00:44:33Well, there's a tent and awning place down the street.
00:44:35It would look better on Colin.
00:44:50Inappropriate elementary school field trips.
00:44:54Okay, kids, gather around.
00:44:56It's $20 for a lap dance.
00:44:59$30 for a new.
00:45:00Try.
00:45:05Weird places to find advertising.
00:45:10Weird places to find advertising.
00:45:26Sorry.
00:45:27It must have been a short ad.
00:45:50I wish I hadn't said that.
00:45:51I apologize.
00:45:51Because the next paper says,
00:45:54little known but amazing facts about Drew Carey.
00:46:01I have no sense of length.
00:46:13When I'm with a woman, I go...
00:46:14Ooh!
00:46:15Oh, no!
00:46:21Oh, no!
00:46:35Did you know at first Drew Carey turned down the role of Geppetto?
00:46:37I have the power to hire and fire.
00:46:50Inappropriate emergency calls to make to 9-1-1.
00:46:55Inappropriate emergency calls to make to 9-1-1.
00:46:58Honey!
00:46:59Honey!
00:47:00Honey!
00:47:00I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I...
00:47:01Oooooooom!
00:47:11Yes, you can't help me.
00:47:14Do brown shoes go with blue slacks?
00:47:20Emergency operator?
00:47:21Hi.
00:47:22What are you wearing?
00:47:22Bad things to say after making love
00:47:31Just like a Teletubby
00:47:36And I wasn't even into it
00:47:45Is that your final climax?
00:47:52Thank you very much
00:48:07Fast food orders that sound sexy but aren't
00:48:14Yeah I'd like the footlong
00:48:21Can you supersize that?
00:48:27Check it out I'd like a two piece
00:48:29Yeah can you slip me a whopper?
00:48:44All right
00:48:50Inappropriate
00:48:52It's time to show off your stomach muscles
00:48:54Mr. Johnson
00:48:58Hey look
00:49:00Look at your little one
00:49:02And look at these
00:49:04Okay
00:49:10That's a thousand points for Colin
00:49:12Ding dong the witch is dead
00:49:28Things you don't want to hear as you finish your last bite of dinner
00:49:44Scruffy
00:49:50Things you don't want to hear
00:49:54It's things you don't want to hear
00:50:08Mr. Lecter would like to know if you enjoyed your dinner
00:50:14All right
00:50:20Okay moving on
00:50:22Giving your dates parents too much information
00:50:26Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson
00:50:28Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson
00:50:30I'll have her back by 10
00:50:32I'll be finished by then
00:50:34Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson
00:50:38I'll have her back by 10
00:50:40It's when the wife gets home
00:50:46Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson
00:50:48We'll have her back by 10
00:50:58Don't worry Mrs. Johnson
00:51:00I'll have Mr. Johnson home by 10
00:51:02Things that would make you suspect your doctor did not graduate from medical school
00:51:18Uh oh
00:51:26Cough
00:51:28Bad topics to open a conversation with
00:51:42What color is your poo first thing in the morning?
00:51:52Okay
00:51:54Uh professions where breaking into song is discouraged
00:51:58We're gonna
00:52:02We're gonna
00:52:04Fry you this morning
00:52:06Fry you this morning
00:52:12Well
00:52:14Your husband
00:52:16Isn't gonna make it isn't gonna make it
00:52:18No we're gonna make it ain't gonna make it
00:52:20Oh I ain't gonna make it I'm gonna make it
00:52:22No we're gonna make it
00:52:24I'm a mime
00:52:30I'm a mime
00:52:32I'm a mime
00:52:34I'm a mime
00:52:40Uh
00:52:42Things that make the audience boo
00:52:44What color is your poo in the morning?
00:52:50Okay so we have our potatoes simmering now after we filleted the baby seal
00:52:58If you simply wait for traffic then you push the old lady
00:53:00If you simply wait for traffic then you push the old lady
00:53:04Push the old lady
00:53:06I'm not looking for applause on that one I was looking for
00:53:08And the Oscar for best actor goes to
00:53:10Keanu Reeves
00:53:14Keanu Reeves
00:53:24Mundane activities that might be improved with nudity
00:53:30Well welcome to the car wash sir
00:53:44Welcome to the car wash, sir.
00:53:46Squeak, squeak, squeak.
00:54:01Scalpel.
00:54:14Famous film roles, as played by Scooby-Doo.
00:54:24Rasta-a-rista, Rayleigh.
00:54:28But, Rhett, where will I go?
00:54:34What will I do?
00:54:35What will I do?
00:54:36I won't go!
00:54:37I won't go!
00:54:38Scooby's not one of mine.
00:54:49Oh, I don't know runnin' about runnin' no way, Rhett.
00:54:54I feel, you have to ask yourself, wrist restin' drunk.
00:55:01I feel, rookie.
00:55:04All right.
00:55:12If welcome signs in European countries were truthful.
00:55:15Mm-hmm.
00:55:19Entering France, roll up windows.
00:55:21All right.
00:55:26And then we're through.
00:55:29Welcome to England.
00:55:31Next dentist, four countries over.
00:55:33Things you don't want to hear your grandmother singing about.
00:55:42Grandma likes to get freaky at the morning.
00:55:49Freaky at night.
00:55:51Freaky on the left.
00:55:53Grandpa doesn't touch me anymore.
00:56:05Mmm, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner.
00:56:08Mmm, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner.
00:56:18I like to be on top.
00:56:22Right?
00:56:24What the first fight between a man and a woman was about.
00:56:29Oh, ho, ho, ho!
00:56:42Unusual things to be coin-operated.
00:56:45I really have to pee.
00:56:46Do you have a quarter?
00:56:47I really have to pee.
00:56:48Do you have a quarter?
00:56:49I really have to pee.
00:56:50Do you have a quarter?
00:56:55Do you have a quarter?
00:56:56Do you have a quarter?
00:56:57Do you have a quarter?
00:56:58Do you have a quarter?
00:56:59Do you have a quarter?
00:57:00Do you have a quarter?
00:57:01Do you have a quarter?
00:57:02Do you have a quarter?
00:57:03Do you have a quarter?
00:57:04Do you have a quarter?
00:57:05Do you have a quarter?
00:57:06Do you have a quarter?
00:57:07Do you have a quarter?
00:57:08Do you have a quarter?
00:57:09Do you have a quarter?
00:57:10Do you have a quarter?
00:57:11Do you have a quarter?
00:57:12Do you have a quarter?
00:57:13Do you have a quarter?
00:57:14Do you have a quarter?
00:57:15Do you have a quarter?
00:57:16Do you have a quarter?
00:57:17Do you have a quarter?
00:57:19Do you have a quarter?
00:57:20Do you have a quarter?
00:57:21Do you have a quarter?
00:57:22Talent segments we'll never see
00:57:33in the Miss America pageant.
00:57:52I'm Miss Wisconsin. This is a Schlitz.
00:58:22If department store mannequins could talk.
00:58:29Could you pull this thing out of my butt?
00:58:38Would it kill to add a little genitalia?
00:58:42What the hell are we pointing at?
00:58:58Scenes from famous Hollywood movies as written by Dr. Seuss.
00:59:06Bibbledy boobledy, bibbledy Zach, bibbledy hey, I'll be back.
00:59:12Jack, please don't leave me.
00:59:20Don't leave me, I beg.
00:59:21I will not leave you, Rose.
00:59:22I've frozen my leg.
00:59:23You've frozen your leg?
00:59:24I've frozen my leg.
00:59:25Well, please do not leave me.
00:59:26I won't leave you, I beg.
00:59:31All right.
00:59:33If boxing corner men helped us get through our daily routines.
00:59:40Okay, you got to stay low.
00:59:41You keep doing the scenes.
00:59:42He'll keep throwing hundreds at you.
00:59:43You got me?
00:59:50All right.
00:59:52U.S. cities that will never have a song written about them.
00:59:55We love you, Walla Walla Washington.
01:00:01We love you, Walla Walla Washington.
01:00:03We love you, Walla Walla Washington.
01:00:08Proud citizens of dog lick.
01:00:19Our arms are wide open at muscula hoochie hella Alabama.
01:00:24Muscula hoochie hella Alabama.
01:00:26Come on in.
01:00:27Come on in.
01:00:28Come on in.
01:00:35We call it Bute, not but Montana.
01:00:38Who wants an ox nard?
01:00:47I do.
01:00:48I do.
01:00:49Eat.
01:00:50Eat.
01:00:57What's the matter with weed?
01:00:59Oh, man.
01:01:13Odd things to hear from the voices in your head.
01:01:23Just cut one break line
01:01:24and you could be sitting behind that desk.
01:01:29I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:39No, I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:41No, I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:43With a real little voice in your head.
01:01:45Please stand up.
01:01:46No, it's me.
01:01:47I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:48I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:50I'm the little voice in your head.
01:01:54All right.
01:01:57Bad times to smoke a cigarette.
01:01:59Fire!
01:02:10All right, push, Mrs. Johnson.
01:02:26I can't believe I broke my old record of six burritos.
01:02:29If your thoughts were amplified on loudspeakers.
01:02:48I hope they didn't smell that.
01:02:52It appears to be working.
01:03:02No one knows I'm white.
01:03:03I could do that.
01:03:11All you got to do is read suggestions out of a hat.
01:03:13Things you can say about your boat, but not your girlfriend.
01:03:32Oh, she's riding kind of low.
01:03:34Yeah, you can put a dozen guys down below.
01:03:50She's taking on water!
01:03:52Ah, nice trim.
01:04:00I told you to sail.
01:04:07Because it was the sailing right.
01:04:09It was the sailing.
01:04:11I feel so bad.
01:04:14Nice aft.
01:04:15She's going down!
01:04:23Oh, man.
01:04:25Uh, bad times to use the athletic butt slap.
01:04:34Your Majesty?
01:04:35I'm sorry.
01:04:41I don't think your wife's going to make it.
01:04:50On behalf of the entire fourth grade class,
01:04:53we'd like to present you with the Best Teacher Award.
01:04:55How are the hemorrhoids?
01:05:07Ah!
01:05:14All right.
01:05:17Topics of discussion that always ruin a dinner party.
01:05:23How are those hemorrhoids?
01:05:25Oh, yes.
01:05:32Um, would you like some...
01:05:33Blah!
01:05:42So, then my colon is lying right on my chest.
01:05:46I wake up in the middle of the surgery.
01:05:48I accidentally swallow half of it.
01:05:51How did that happen, I'm wondering.
01:05:53Well, then all of a sudden,
01:05:55that's when the laxative hits.
01:05:58So!
01:05:59I'm lying there,
01:06:01wondering how the heck am I going to get out of this.
01:06:05What the Who's Line cast will ask Santa for this Christmas?
01:06:20Please, Santa.
01:06:21Just a pair of brown shoes.
01:06:24Please, Santa.
01:06:32Just a pair of sunglasses.
01:06:42I can't believe I'm missing bald jokes.
01:06:44Hey, you asked for it, buddy.
01:06:56Things that your waitress says to you
01:06:57that can be misconstrued as sexual.
01:07:02So, who's got the big meat?
01:07:04The breasts are on special.
01:07:17Thank you very much.
01:07:17We'll be right back with more
01:07:18Who's Line Is It Anyway?
01:07:19Don't go nowhere.
01:07:20Ladies and Gentlemen.
01:07:20I'll see you guys.
01:07:21After.
01:07:24Tomorrow, whenever we're going to get out of here,
01:07:26about 15 seconds,
01:07:27second year,
01:07:28on set and there.
01:07:30So,
01:07:30you're going to check that out of the nada and then.
01:07:32Without your backs of luck.
01:07:33Once we hold on,
01:07:34we have time to get into office.
01:07:35You have time to be back and we have time.
01:07:37First we get to sleep again,
01:07:38we have time to get out of the mango.
01:07:40Saturday wherever you want,
01:07:42we're waiting.
01:07:44Ladies or realizar,
01:07:45ready to arrive,
01:07:46before we get out of anything,
01:07:48where you're gonna make it out of history?
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