- 7/3/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00This is one of my favorite games, and what we do before the show, sometimes we have the
00:14audience write down suggestions and stuff like that, and one of the things we have to
00:17write down is scenes they like to see, and they're going to try to act out as many of
00:20these as they can, starting with bad things to do during an earthquake.
00:27Okay, time to split that, Adam.
00:30A vasectomy doesn't hurt.
00:40Graffiti found in the White House restroom.
00:47For a good time, just try the next door to the left.
00:52There's nothing like a Cuban.
00:55Psst, you must be at least this high to ride the ride.
01:08Rejected names for bras.
01:14Flat and flappy.
01:18New, nip ups.
01:21Nip ups.
01:27Pulley boys.
01:33The new wonder.
01:38Milk duds.
01:39Unfortunate wedding night confessions.
01:46Or just, just use your own if you have to.
01:52I'm Drew Carey.
01:53I'm Drew Carey.
01:55Sorry.
01:56Hey, good luck with your new show, man.
02:09Inappropriate compliments to give your mother.
02:10You are looking hot.
02:22Are you wearing a milk duds?
02:23What?
02:24I'm gonna get you all for this.
02:25What Drew Carey is thinking right now.
02:28I wish Ryan was standing on this side so I could look at his ass.
02:29I'm gonna get you all for this.
02:30What Drew Carey is thinking right now.
02:31I wish Ryan was standing on this side so I could look at his ass.
02:35I wish Ryan was standing on this side so I could look at his ass.
02:56When it's unwise to say, I don't care to her.
03:03And I'll name him Little Greg and he'll have your eyes and your hair.
03:07Whatever.
03:17Yeah, I love you too.
03:23Scenes from Wayne's real life.
03:25People you wish would just shut up.
03:38People you wish would just shut up.
03:44I'm Alex Trebek and this is Jeopardy.
03:57Oh, I'm sorry that buzz was too late.
04:01I'm the Reverend Al Sharpton.
04:06The permissitude of the ingestitude of the ingratiation of the whole entire nation makes for the spatially defaulted multiplicity of the continuous, continuous metamorphoses that upon the prophecies of the congregation, therefore, to my people.
04:22To my people.
04:23Ha, ha, ha.
04:25I'm not finished.
04:30I had an idea for a show.
04:32Four women with different viewpoints.
04:36Maybe two different.
04:38Men that women just don't seem to go for.
04:45Men that women just don't seem to go for.
04:50Pick up lines of the elderly.
05:05Want to break a hip?
05:20I keep my teeth in a glass.
05:30Why don't you touch your toes and grab my breasts?
05:34Oh, I bet you and me could go through a whole tuba bend game.
05:45Things you shouldn't do when confronted by a street gang.
06:01Do you know how many eggs go in a really good banana bread recipe?
06:14Okay, okay, okay, wait.
06:15Don't, don't hit me.
06:16Look.
06:17Here.
06:18I've got money.
06:19Wait, that's a hundred.
06:20That's a fifty.
06:21Wait, wait, hold on.
06:22Hold on.
06:23Okay.
06:24Here's two bucks.
06:25All right, all right.
06:26Tickle fight.
06:27Uh, things you shouldn't, uh, things you shouldn't joke about with your girlfriend's father.
06:38No, but really, Mr. Proops, she's like a banshee.
06:45No.
06:46Woo!
06:47You're like, oh, man!
06:49Uh, difficult things to sell door to door.
07:03Ding dong.
07:04Hi.
07:05Hi.
07:06Uh, I'm a whore.
07:07And I was wondering.
07:08Ding dong.
07:09Yes?
07:10Hi.
07:11We're selling the home version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?
07:14Hi.
07:15Hi.
07:16Hi.
07:17If famous movie lines included product plugs.
07:22Frankly, my dear, I don't give a spam.
07:38Miss Scarlet, I'll do nothing about birthing those cabbage patch babies.
07:51I'll be back to Burger King.
07:58Elliot, dial 1-800-310-121.
08:04It's cheaper rates.
08:09Rosebud, the last word in sleds.
08:20What cows are thinking when being milked.
08:27I can't believe they're gonna drink that crap.
08:35That's right.
08:36No slower.
08:37First time this guy's seen a bull.
08:50Okay?
08:52If you celebrated mundane events as if you scored a touchdown.
08:57It's a boy!
08:58Yeah!
08:59Yeah!
09:12Entries in Drew Carey's diary.
09:14Dear diary.
09:15Ryan looked at me again today.
09:16How I wish I was sitting on his lap and not...
09:17Dear diary.
09:18When will people find out that I'm not a man?
09:21All right, moving right along.
09:22What our audience is thinking right now.
09:28I wonder if that's all true.
09:29Unusual uses for your cat.
09:30Unusual uses for your cat.
09:31Unusual uses for your cat.
09:36Unusual uses for your cat.
09:39What our audience is thinking right now.
09:46I wonder if that's all true.
09:55Unusual uses for your cat.
10:09Pick up lines that are doomed to fail.
10:26Hey, I've got cable.
10:34Once the itching stops, I'll be ready for lovin', baby.
10:40I play Lewis on the Drew Carey Show.
11:00Things to say that will always start a fight.
11:05You guys want to fight?
11:10Hey, Clinton, what's with the fat bra?
11:21The shortest book ever written.
11:23British dentistry.
11:35The life and times of Gary Coleman.
11:37Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:40Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:41Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:43Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:53Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:54Drew Carey's acting tips.
11:55Drew Carey's acting tips.
12:01Drew Carey's acting tips.
12:06Drew Carey's acting tips.
12:08Grandmother's crocheted throw pillows.
12:14I did it with your grandfather right here.
12:21What they really talk about in football huddles.
12:25He's such a b****. He scratched my eyes out.
12:28I know.
12:35Why do you wear contacts in the first place?
12:37I don't know.
12:38Okay, let's move it along.
12:47Wow.
12:48The newspaper headline you'd most like to see.
12:54Balding men, best lovers in the world.
13:00What the cast of Cats is doing now that the show has finally closed.
13:05Graffiti in the Who's Line bathroom.
13:22Colin is here.
13:24I give myself a thousand points.
13:38The wrong thing to say to a heartbroken friend.
14:04Dude, calm down. It's okay.
14:09She doesn't kiss that well.
14:18Dude, calm down. He doesn't kiss that well.
14:20Oh, it'll grow back.
14:36Oh, it'll grow back.
14:36What Who's Line cast members wish for when they blow out their birthday candles.
14:56No more hoedowns.
14:57Let me play a man in a scene.
15:06Please don't let Drew make me go into that desk again.
15:19Young man, I'll see you at my desk, everyone.
15:31In-laws that make you question your engagement.
15:33Hi. This is Tipper. I'm Al.
15:52Starting with rejected state songs.
15:54Come to Florida and die.
16:00Come to Florida and die.
16:07Whores and gambling.
16:08Whores and gambling.
16:09That's the battle.
16:19Looks like I'm moving into the battle then.
16:20Canada, the upside.
16:39So, how many upsides to Canada?
16:41Self-help titles that didn't sell well.
16:46Learn to whistle on cue.
16:50Bad things to say when stopped by the police.
17:01Dude.
17:02It's okay.
17:03I'm from Canada.
17:16Yes, sir.
17:17I'll have a rum and coke.
17:20Of course, it's a dead body.
17:25I'm in the diamond lane.
17:34Where's the rest of the village people?
17:36Things that aren't sexy, done in a sexy way.
17:49Things that are not sexy, done in a sexy way.
17:52But I'm not sexy, I'm in the anime.
18:12Y-
18:13Rejected sayings on candy heart valentines.
18:36I've always faked it.
18:43Ways you can describe your motorcycle, but not your girlfriend.
18:57Just give it a kick and it starts right up.
19:03It's small, but it makes a hell of a noise.
19:06It's okay if you don't mind the bugs in your teeth.
19:12If you really push up tight, you can get three people on it.
19:30Sure you can ride her, everyone else has.
19:40If you could fast forward in real life.
19:45So anyway, I'm an insurance salesman and this is the best party I've ever been to.
19:52Thank you for coming out with me tonight, Yvonne.
19:57How today's issues would be handled on the Brady Bunch.
20:04Hey Peter, Marsha, guess what?
20:11I'm black.
20:15Improper etiquette when meeting the queen.
20:34Improper etiquette when meeting the queen.
20:41I'll think one I'm guessing.
20:43Pull this.
20:49Your majesty.
21:02Butter.
21:08Okay, okay.
21:12Who am I?
21:23Who am I?
21:24Who am I?
21:25Who am I?
21:26Who am I?
21:27Who am I?
21:28Who am I?
21:31The good news and the bad news.
21:35The good news is, the surgery was successful and now you look like a movie star.
21:51The bad news is, that movie star is Drew Carey.
21:57Merry Christmas, Tommy. Look, it's Geppetto on DVD.
22:09I liked it. I liked it too. I was in it. I liked it.
22:21The bad news was, it was Christmas. I like this good news and bad news, Ron. That's pretty good.
22:26This is another one. Pull the string on the Drew Carey doll and it says...
22:37It was nice the time we worked together, Greg. You're fired.
22:47Lower.
22:56Whatever you want, baby. I don't care.
23:01Mimi and I are the same person.
23:15Announcements that will cause this audience to go wild.
23:19In ten minutes, we bring out the liquor.
23:24I'm the liquor.
23:38No, me. No, me. No, I am. No, me. No, me. No, I am.
23:49Everyone pull out their ticket stubs. We will now raffle off Drew's Porsche.
23:57Things you can say about the food you eat, but not about your girlfriend.
24:00Sure, I'll have seconds.
24:15Well, you look at the mold on that.
24:17They're so good.
24:19They're so good.
24:23Mmm. My God, this is juicy.
24:34No one wants those eggs.
24:35His eggs?
24:43Care for some more, boss?
24:48All righty.
24:53What President Bush does in the Oval Office when he's all by himself.
24:59Oh, darn it.
25:14Who beat Al Gore?
25:15Who beat Al Gore?
25:25A brief glimpse into the dreams of Colin Mochrie.
25:46Yeah, you were great.
26:14Yeah, you were great, Sharon Stone.
26:17No, I'm not going to call you.
26:27Statements that will get bleeped by the censor.
26:29Really?
26:30Yep.
26:31In Espanol, I'm El Grande Ricardo, but you can call me Big .
26:48I'm George W. Bush, and I'm a ingerman mitt.
27:04Here, .
27:09All right.
27:14Outtakes from the first 100 episodes of Whose Line?
27:19Oh, I'm so stupid.
27:37.
27:41Hi.
27:42Welcome to Whose Line?
27:43.
27:44Oh, I'm so stupid.
27:46.
27:52.
27:53You're right.
27:54.
27:55.
27:56.
27:58.
27:59.
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