- 7/1/2025
You and your partner are thinking about tying the knot — but in your mid-20s, with just a few years of earning “adult money” under your belt, it feels like a stretch.
Category
🎵
MusicTranscript
00:00i think the first step is to set expectations like you're doing it for other people sometimes
00:04you feel like yeah who's this wedding for who's getting married right yeah um so i think it's
00:08important for you to set expectations with everyone around you number one of course your
00:11partner and then whoever else that's influencing you so most likely it's your family members
00:16again you need to align expectation with them like can you afford it and if you can't and
00:19they really want it what my sister did was if you want that you pay for it i think that's a good
00:24idea obviously i want to have like extra money apart from the wedding exactly so that's why i'm
00:33doing extra la exactly some people i've seen on twitter say you know they spent 25 000 ringgit
00:40on a wedding and they say oh this is already so expensive but i know people who spend 40 000
00:44ringgit just on the engagement ring some people spend 100 000 on their wedding but if they can
00:47afford it then it's it's up to them right yeah that's true yeah but that's the thing that you
00:51need to set expectations up front what's up guys my name is amir and welcome to the money goal today
01:01i have ask me with me and i think as me wants to get married and have some questions on it yeah yeah
01:06so i'm planning to get married uh like actually soon i think i'm planning to get married in like
01:10one year time one year time okay yeah that's enough yeah uh but i feel like there are so many
01:17costs that i need to cover okay so that's why i'm asking you like uh what's the first step for me
01:23yeah maybe in terms of uh savings yeah yeah okay i think it makes sense a lot of people they want to
01:29have the perfect wedding but at the same time you need to balance it out to make sure that we can
01:33survive beyond the wedding day right yeah okay totally agree but sometimes i feel like uh in terms of a
01:39wedding right yeah it's more to the expectations of uh other people rather than what we're actually
01:47wanting on our wedding right yeah yeah yeah exactly i think i think that's very true so okay i i haven't
01:52gotten married okay i'm not an expert but my sister has recently my sister has recently and i give her
01:59some tips right okay so i think it's similar for most people i think the first step is to set expectations
02:05right since you say it's a lot of people like you're doing it for other people sometimes you feel like
02:09yeah who's this wedding for who's getting married right yeah um so i think it's important for you
02:12to set expectations with everyone around you so number one of course your partner right you guys
02:16need to make sure that you're on the same page um and then whoever else that's influencing you so
02:21most likely it's your family members right it's your family members and and i guess her family members
02:26as well that's true so i think you need to first of all uh like i said set expectations like what do you
02:31guys want yeah what do you guys want and how much you're willing to spend so i think one
02:36important thing is for weddings there's no hard rule to say this is the most you should be able
02:41to spend because it honestly depends on your affordability yeah some people i've seen on
02:47twitter say you know they spent 25 000 on a wedding and they say oh this is already so expensive but i
02:54know people who spend 40 000 just on the engagement ring some people spend 100 000 on their wedding
02:59but if they can afford it then it's it's up to them right yeah that's true yeah but that's the thing
03:03that you need to set expectations up front okay just to make sure everyone is in line and stuff
03:08and i think especially with family members right uh this is something that happened to my sister
03:12when she was getting married and she wanted to do an event and then my mom was like but i need to
03:17invite you know yeah my relatives uh all my relatives and then you know all my friends and then my high
03:22school friends and stuff like that and of course it's going to be an added cost yeah so again you need
03:27to align expectations with them like can you afford it and if you can't and they really want it what my
03:30sister did was if you want that you pay for it i think that's a good idea just get them to pay for
03:36the whole thing yeah yeah so so i think that's definitely first step uh to make sure that you
03:43know everyone is aligned yeah yeah yeah and make sure that you do it for yourself right yeah yeah and
03:48then i guess in terms of cost in terms of what can you afford do you have any figure in mind how
03:52much you're willing to spend i think uh the figure i'm willing to spend for the whole wedding
03:57yeah i think that would be around uh realistically maybe around 30 to 40k 30 40k yeah and this
04:05includes like are you doing nikah and the ceremony together or because i think i had a talk with my
04:09girlfriend uh we don't plan to do like an engagement event engagement yeah so we are going to skip that
04:16oh okay yeah we are going to skip engagement event so we are going to do like some sort of
04:21merisik or like some meetups between our families okay and that's when we are going to decide uh
04:27where is the date for our nikah and also the wedding okay so uh in terms of the event i think we can we
04:35had already minus some cause on the engagement because uh you're saving this on what i see uh many people
04:42also did some uh engagement event that are pretty grand right yeah i know i know it's crazy so i think we are
04:49gonna push that aside okay uh and you know manage our priorities right so i feel like when we want
04:56to get married the most important thing is for us to get married it's not really about the event right
05:01yeah yeah yeah exactly i think a lot of mistake that people make is they spend too much on the wedding
05:06and then when they start their married life they're already behind and i think the worst thing i don't
05:10know if you've heard it before but some people take loans to get married there are uh marriage or
05:15wedding loans being offered i think the rates are like personal loan and then they take it they get
05:19married and then right from the first day they have to start paying a loan uh you know which is so
05:25it's not a good idea for sure for me no for me no lie all right i don't want to like offend anyone who
05:34has taken it before but for me no i think for a wedding you should really just spend what you can
05:38afford there's no point going overboard because like you said sometimes you do it for other people right
05:43right and at the end of the day i know some people maybe some girls might think this is their dream
05:49like once in a lifetime kind of thing uh but it's just one day it's just one day in your life right
05:55and uh i've read some posts about people who have gotten married uh regrets and stuff like that
06:01and a lot of people once they're in their 40s in their 50s they've gotten married 20 30 years ago
06:04they can't remember what their wedding was like uh they can't remember you know i mean that's sad
06:08they remember who they got married to i think that's the most important thing yeah yeah it's
06:14not like the extra flowers or the extra decorations that you spend five thousand ring it on i don't
06:19think those things people really tend to remember yeah yeah i think that's also one of the things that
06:25i would like to focus on my wedding life so it's more to the experience of being in the wedding rather
06:31than like the whole wedding itself you know like yeah in terms of decorations so i think i would prefer to
06:37have like a pretty small amount of people that are coming okay um the people that are uh i actually
06:45am close to yeah at the moment uh so yeah i think i'm looking for a wedding that is pretty small in
06:52numbers okay and your parents are your family's okay there uh i mean i will have to talk i will have
06:57to talk to my mom about that yeah tbc yeah i know because i know a lot of people who want to have
07:02small intimate weddings like that as well including myself yeah but most of the times it's not that we
07:07are not okay with it most of the times it's like i said family members right they want to invite
07:11everyone in the world but i feel like the the positive side about uh the wedding that i'm gonna
07:16make is that uh i had like six uh six siblings yeah so i'm the fifth one so my parents had already
07:23invited all their friends uh on my previous okay weddings of my family yeah yeah yeah i was thinking
07:30the same thing when my sister got married my mom invited all her friends ready so i was thinking
07:33okay lah i think she got her fix and uh for me she'll just yeah yeah let it go right yeah yeah okay and
07:41then i think another thing with your wedding once you guys have finalized at your budget how many people
07:45you want to invite and stuff i would try and prioritize things that matter to you and your soon-to-be wife
07:51right yeah um just to give you an example as well my sister uh when i was talking to her about it
07:56she was planning to do doll gifts but then when she was calculating doll gifts uh for her and her
08:02husband now right they were thinking about what to give yeah and they realized that a lot of people's
08:07weddings when you go you know you get those like bunga telur and you get a few other things like maybe
08:11it's worth like you know five ten ringgit but most of the times when you go for a wedding when you
08:16leave you notice everyone just leaves the doll gift there because you know you get it so often
08:21and people don't really care about it and you're thinking yeah it's five ten ringgit but then when
08:25you invite three hundred people five hundred people it goes up to three thousand five thousand ringgit
08:28right yeah um which makes them think or made them think that it's not worth it so decided not to do
08:34any dog gift at all um which i think is something that you you know it's just an example of things that
08:39matter to you lah i totally agree but it's the culture right i feel like dog is part of the
08:44cultures yeah you know sometimes our parents even though we say that uh we prefer not to have any
08:50dog gift yeah but i feel like they are most likely are going to go against the idea yeah yeah it's okay i
08:57have five siblings who got married already they're like five dog gifts before don't you have enough
09:02or tell them no if you guys want to support yeah yeah yeah but but this is an example it can be anything
09:08else right it can be venue it can be how much you're spending on food it can be many many things
09:13just completely up to you like what you prioritize and what will make you guys happy lah yeah right
09:18yeah so so that's one example of how you could save money and at the end of the day i was telling my
09:22sister actually that's true so i think for me dog gift even for me now i was thinking it's either you
09:26give something crazy that everyone remember like an iphone for everyone i'll take it you know what i
09:32actually have an idea for dog gifts okay everyone okay i think we should get some like you know small
09:37pots plants uh like maybe cactus or something you know because i feel like the price is quite okay
09:43for you to get like the small pots actually it's gonna be like two three ringgit but it's gonna be
09:49something that people remember from your wedding right yeah yeah yeah let's say like they go back
09:53and they like water all the plants yeah and they grow just like our love you know this is what i got
09:58from azmi's wedding yeah that's true that's true yeah that's what i'm planning to do okay yeah i think
10:04i think that's smart at least there's something different right yeah at least spending money is
10:06worth it lah yeah at least they are gonna like water it i hope they are gonna
10:13send a message to all of your event attendees six months later and be like hey guys picture of the plant
10:18please otherwise you're not getting invited for anything anymore moving forward okay okay okay okay
10:24okay so i think yeah i mean that's pretty much it lah but in terms of um like let's say saving up for
10:29your wedding so you see you have you're planning like a year lah yeah a year uh 40 around 30 to 40 000
10:35you said right yeah so how how are you uh how are you like where are you in terms of that goal um i mean i
10:41previously i feel like i already have some savings uh from the previous one uh
10:46previous uh the savings that i already have okay so apart from that like my monthly salary i try to
10:57put aside some percentage lah of my total salary for me go towards the yeah to go towards the wedding so
11:05uh that's what i'm gonna that's what i'm doing right now okay so every month i'm gonna put aside some
11:11amount uh for the wedding yeah which i think uh i and i hope it's gonna do well okay in terms of
11:20how i i expect it to be okay okay but in terms of like the cost that you already discussed with your
11:25girlfriend like who's going to pay how much is going to be paid and stuff um yep uh yeah
11:33yeah yeah but i i think it's also like a hard topic for us to talk about but we have to do it you
11:40know exactly because uh even in terms of the wedding itself we have a choice of uh whether we want to do
11:48it both sides or we can do like a combined together yeah so we can sort of do like one big event yep uh for
11:56both of uh our families yeah yeah yeah so i think you'll save money on that right yeah yeah yeah so i think
12:02that's something yeah something okay okay actually i'm just curious you don't have to answer this if
12:08you don't want to but you said it was a hard topic uh you said you expect it to be a hard topic to talk
12:12about yeah why why do you feel that way um because it involves a lot of things it involves uh effort
12:18because you can't just see it right so you have to actually do it uh and i mean the current state i'm
12:26in right now uh in one year time so i sort of have to do some extra work i have to find
12:32some part time job or anything for me to cover the event okay okay yeah which and i'm fine to do
12:37that okay okay that's good yeah good if you're watching this the azmi is a good catch yeah
12:44but yeah okay so i think on that note right the reason i ask is i think uh i think financial talk
12:49with your partner is tricky especially the first time that you do it right i think especially the first
12:54time that you do it uh some people decide to not talk about it they sweep it under the rug for now but
12:59then eventually it will catch up to you right eventually will catch up to you like i said some
13:03people take loans let's not discuss it now let's just get married because that's what we want to
13:07do in the moment and then three years later they're like how come we don't have money uh for kids or
13:12stuff like that yeah so i think it's something that it's it's difficult but it's something that you
13:16should do early on especially even before you get married i think that would be ideal right to make
13:20sure it's true even that your financial goals are aligned and stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah okay agree okay
13:26okay okay so but then your your savings rate based on what you have and based on how much
13:29you plan to save a month you should be on track for next year yeah hopefully right i hope so but i
13:35obviously i want i would want to have like extra money apart from the wedding exactly right so that's
13:40why i'm doing extra exactly yeah yeah yeah so because i feel like it's gonna be hard because uh most people
13:47that i know yeah uh they actually spend like a whole sum of money for the wedding so after the
13:56wedding they are gonna be struggling out for quite a while yeah i know yeah i've heard of that before
14:02as well some people that even though they don't take loans so that's still a good thing but they spend a
14:06bit too much that they deplete their savings and then it's difficult right yeah i think really for me
14:11at least in the marriage uh maybe it's a bit shallow but for me in the marriage i think
14:16financials are very important i think having stability right from the start which that's true
14:20having extra savings will do will really help you out so i think it sounds like you're thinking right
14:25you're thinking on the right track all right have you thought about what if you don't manage to save up
14:30enough um no just delay okay no i feel like we can't delay because i want to get married yeah yeah i get it
14:37we both are already at a point where i feel like it's time yeah so we have to do it okay i think i
14:44think that that's uh yeah one more one more thing that i wanted to bring up right i guess for people
14:48there are a lot of people who want to get married as well they think that this is the right time
14:52um but maybe they don't have enough saved up yet or maybe they don't achieve their savings goals by
14:56that day right i think there's not really an issue of uh doing the nikah first right just doing the nikah
15:03first do it at a mosque small event invite relatives and stuff and just get married and then do the
15:08event later on because the event is the one that's going to be costing you money right not the nikah
15:12i assume the nikah is just very simple right um and it's actually quite similar to what a lot of
15:16people did during covid i mean that was because they were forced to right so i had a cousin who uh
15:21planned his whole wedding for covid i'm sorry not for covid he planned his whole wedding and then
15:25covid happened right okay yeah so in the end they just rom so they're not muslim so so they just uh
15:31rom and the wedding got put on hold because they didn't know you know mco and stuff lockdown blah
15:38they delay delay delay delay uh now five years later there's still no event but i think that's
15:44completely fine it's not that i ever thought back and thought how come my how come my cousin didn't do
15:49a wedding event that's so lame i never even thought about that that's true until today um but yeah
15:54there's something that people or you guys can consider as well if you don't have enough money to
15:59splurge on a big event just get married first if you want to nikah keep it small simple you can move
16:04on with your life with your partner you know and if you guys feel like you want to do a event later on
16:09you can always do it right yeah i think you guys are pretty much on the right path la yeah i think
16:14you've got your thinking right in terms of um you know making sure you can afford it and then not just
16:18that also uh planning for future and having savings and stuff i guess the tip is if you have chinese
16:24friends uh chinese people do you know they give ang pao for the wedding oh really yeah yeah yeah yeah
16:29how how did they do it i think so so for malays usually it's like gifts like if you go to the
16:34wedding i give you like whatever laugh a photo frame or whatever right but for chinese people if you
16:38invite them they actually give ang pao that's the tradition and uh the amount actually covers the
16:43cost wow yeah so so i have a lot of chinese friends and i go for the wedding if they do at a hotel
16:48i'll have to fork out like 300 ringgit because that's probably what it costs to to attend and i have
16:53some friends who their friends got married in singapore and they have to fly there and then
16:57pay 500 sing dollars uh yeah yeah yeah so the culture is a bit different yeah so maybe you can
17:02start making some chinese friends uh that's a good backup get them to the wedding get them to the
17:09also so i have a question right so what's your thoughts on uh personal loan for weddings for to
17:16pay for your wedding revenue right yeah so i know some people do it but personally i wouldn't okay so i
17:21wouldn't take a personal loan for any reason actually uh i really don't like personal loans
17:26but i know some people are forced to if they're in a dire situation like they really don't have
17:30money to pay for food or something for the month they're very tight then okay if you have no choice
17:35then okay but i think a wedding is something that people have a choice on la right like like we were
17:39talking about you have a choice between getting married now and later you have a choice between
17:42doing a smaller wedding right i don't think personal loans should be taken to spend on luxuries
17:50and in this instance even though it's not a luxurious wedding i would say if you don't have
17:54the money and you want to do a big wedding that's still a luxury all right so that's something i
17:57wouldn't do just because i think number one personal interest rates are very high right it can be like
18:03six seven percent simple interest rate which means that effective interest rate maybe a bit confusing
18:07but effective interest rate is about it can be double digit 13 14 which is way too high which is way too
18:13high right um which is why pretty much i don't want to start my marriage on or being in that i
18:22think a lot of people even before they get married but after they get married as well a lot of people
18:27fight about money and i think that's pretty sad i think that's one of the biggest causes for
18:33fighting between couples like because they don't have or not that they don't have money but they just
18:38feel like they're very tight if you want like i said if you really want that nice wedding then take
18:42more time to save for it right treat it as something that you should like you know you're
18:47working very hard towards achieving something that will make your wedding day even more
18:51it will give you even more satisfaction because it's like oh i saved so hard and then today's the
18:55day right rather than today's my happy day and then i'm going to work in the future to pay off
18:59for this i think that's not really a good place to start at lah i thought they agree
19:03okay but on that note right uh so what what about your thoughts on uh joint bank account for weddings
19:10or even uh after you get married i feel like some uh couples or they tend to have like a joint bank
19:18account yeah so what's your thoughts on that let me ask you first so are you planning on having
19:23no no so you plan to you plan to this is my money this is your money but of course you will share
19:29expenses yeah yeah right yeah yeah i think this one is completely up to the couple i think some
19:34people they merge everything like they say all of our money is ours together yeah and then some
19:41people prefer to keep things separate i think for me now as well i also tend to lean on your side i
19:46think i'll probably just keep things separate but one thing that i know some of my friends do
19:51is so the guy has his uh salary or his savings account the girl has her salary her savings account
19:57and then they have a joint account as well so the joint account is for their expenses together
20:01for example rent or house mortgage uh let's say expenses for the kids and stuff every month they
20:07agree how much one person contributes let's say the guy earns more every month they agree the guy
20:11contributes four thousand the girl contributes two thousand every month that goes in a joint account
20:15when they have to pay for these things together they will use money for a joint account if they
20:19want to spend the money for something on their own like the girl wants to do a hair or the guy wants to
20:24go watch an mu game then they will take then they will take it from their own personal accounts so
20:30i think that is something that people do i think there's no right or wrong approach it's just
20:34completely um up to the couple okay okay so i think everything sounds good on your end but i guess
20:39just to wrap it up uh for any of you guys who want to get married like asmi i think i don't know if
20:44i said congratulations but congrats on your plans uh thank you so much but yeah to wrap it up uh you guys
20:49should set expectations very early on with your partner with your family members and stuff make sure everyone's on the
20:54the same page in terms of who's going to pay how much are you going to spend what can you afford and
20:57stuff like that right yeah and then spend according to your affordability i think in personal finance
21:03a lot of things are ukol baju dibalance niwi right some people can spend more doesn't mean you have to
21:07spend that much spend what you can afford and then enjoy life it is a once in a lifetime thing but you
21:12don't want that to be the start of yeah a very bad financial situation yeah right thanks so much asmi uh
21:18all the best with your savings i'm pretty sure you'll get that you seem like you're pretty financially
21:22responsible thank you all right thank you guys for watching this episode see you guys in the next one
Recommended
1:07
|
Up next
48:36
37:08
20:32