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CinemaJourney
  • 6/13/2025
#CinemaJourney
#Grimsburg

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Extra wet double soaker with a side of drippy fries, and hurry, I have to drive through
00:08residential areas and wake people up with my tiny bu- big engine!
00:11Ugh, come on!
00:15Get out of the way, goose!
00:21Honk!
00:36Honk!
00:51Cool car!
00:56Honk!
00:57Honk!
01:21So, today I would like to-
01:23What's going on?
01:24Is this a religious service?
01:25An AA meeting?
01:26A roast?
01:27If so, I've got some good material.
01:28Winona's been sampled by so many DJs, Spotify should send her a royalty.
01:32Flute, these are the new morning meetings we'll be having now that I'm the chief.
01:36Did you not get the invite?
01:38Oh, I got your invite, and then I wiped my butt with it and threw it in the trash.
01:41I sent it in an email.
01:43Which is why I need a new laptop.
01:44Sit down and put your sandwich away.
01:47Now that I'm in charge, things will be different around here.
01:52According to my new book on Steve Jobs' leadership style, the key to running a tight ship is
01:57to think different while wearing the same outfit over and over again until it smells terrible.
02:02Also, I will no longer be acknowledging my first child.
02:05Why are we changing things?
02:06I mean, this place ran just fine before.
02:08Back me up on how stupid your new boss is being, Summers.
02:11Um, Summers isn't here right now.
02:13Please leave a message.
02:14Boop!
02:15Hey Summers, sorry I missed you, but don't you agree things ran just fine back when-
02:18The voicemail box is full and does not want to take sides.
02:21Goodbye.
02:22Body found in the Soakers parking lot.
02:24Team, let's move!
02:25I'm on a case.
02:30Can we talk about getting me a window in here?
02:33Th-did you leave already?
02:36That's right, I wouldn't know, because I don't have a window!
02:39Hi, I'm Harmony. I'll be chaperoning your field trip today to City Hall.
02:45I never went to middle school because I was raised in the wild, so I am super excited to finally see what sixth grade is all about.
02:52I hope my boobs don't look like that when I'm 60.
02:55I'm 38!
02:56So is my court-appointed therapist.
02:59Oh, that little bitch! I'm obsessed! Who is she?
03:03That's Khaleesi. She's the coolest girl in our class.
03:06Rumor has it she's dating a ghost who's in high school.
03:09She was so mean to me, yet all I want to do is whatever she wants so that she'll like me.
03:14What's happening?
03:15Welcome to middle school. As you know, the legal voting age in this country is 18 and over.
03:21Except in Grimsburg, where our constitution clearly states voters must be under the age of 18.
03:27While most believe this was a simple typo, unfortunately, our 23rd amendment is no take-backs.
03:33So, with election season upon us...
03:35Nerd alert!
03:37NUT!
03:41Hey, Winona! Did you see how stupid Martinez looked with her new professional pantsuit, professional hairdo, and professional lack of laughter
03:48when I put my butt off to the drive-thru mic and ordered three medium...
03:51..and a large chocolate...
03:53Don't drag me into your office hate affair with Martinez!
03:56This is why I hang with dead people.
03:58They don't put me in the middle! Unless I pose them that way.
04:01Look, things have changed and you need to accept that,
04:04because this little spat between you two is destroying the office vibe.
04:08A vibe I've worked tirelessly to cultivate.
04:11I didn't put that cactus agave candle in the bathroom to have you ruin it.
04:14Fix your beef with Martinez.
04:16There's nothing wrong with my beef.
04:17My beef is fine.
04:18Her beef stinks.
04:19I just want to go back to the old system where I do what I want,
04:22when I want,
04:22how I want,
04:23why I want,
04:24where I want,
04:24who I want,
04:25whom I want,
04:26and the lesser known but equally effective whomst I want.
04:34No rule!
04:34No more crime mind!
04:37The crime mind is my whole thing.
04:39Without it,
04:40I'm just the best-looking detective in the office.
04:42Whomst do you think you arsed?
04:44I arsed your bossed,
04:46which means I make the rules.
04:47So from now on,
04:49we wear gloves when handling evidence.
04:51And what happens if I do this?
04:52Or this?
04:53Or this?
04:54Huh?
04:59Okay, that's it.
05:01Now what are you going to do, huh?
05:02Yell at me?
05:03Call me a doofus?
05:04Curse me out and out of their language you speak?
05:06No.
05:07I'm going to write you up for insubordination.
05:11Here's your three medium and one chocolate.
05:16Sir?
05:16Welcome, child voters!
05:21You're buzzing.
05:22Bible.
05:23Now, my posters say you are a swing great for me in this election,
05:26and I respect that.
05:28No cap.
05:29Which is why I'll prove I'm the only candidate who will fight for you
05:32in Fortnite.
05:33So that we can build something great
05:35in Minecraft.
05:36And together we can tear down any...
05:38Roblox that get in our way.
05:43Now, let's get to the real pandering.
05:45Children, please say hello to...
05:47What the...
05:50If you'll excuse me for a moment.
05:53Oh, hey, Harmony.
05:55He and I used to do it.
05:57It's okay.
05:57His wife knew.
05:58She sometimes watched.
06:00But then, I was over it,
06:01and now Mrs. Dilquez and I are best friends.
06:04Adult sex is complicated.
06:06You're so mother.
06:07I love it.
06:08You're with us today.
06:09Take this.
06:10It's made of substitute teacher hair.
06:14I can smell their fear of you.
06:17It gives me no pleasure punishing you.
06:20I look orgasmic for other reasons.
06:22Oh, yeah?
06:23Well, I can write stuff down, too.
06:26Mayor, thank God you're here.
06:27I'm filing a report on Martinez.
06:30It's all there.
06:31My goose is loose,
06:33and you's two need to find that goose.
06:34So vamos!
06:35I just watched the Lorax.
06:37We're kind of on a murder investigation,
06:40isn't this a job for animal control?
06:42Sorry, but Frank and the gang
06:43have their hands full this week
06:44with another wacky,
06:45but emotionally grounded adventure.
06:47So you need to find him.
06:48And be careful.
06:49My goose is...
06:51special.
06:52I'll find your goose.
06:53But if I do,
06:54Martinez can no longer be my boss.
06:56Mayor,
06:57would you please explain to Flute
06:59that the reason I got this job over him
07:01is because...
07:01I don't care about your departmental
07:03squibble squabbles.
07:04So whoever finds my goose
07:06can have whatever they want.
07:07Oh, and if neither of you find him...
07:10You're both fired.
07:12We accept your wild goose chase.
07:13We accept your wild goose chase.
07:31I'm gonna make you the smartest goose.
07:33It's a low bar,
07:34but we're passing it.
07:36You're both fired.
07:45Honk.
07:46Shh!
07:47Honk.
07:58Fuck!
07:58Shh!
07:59Ah! Not the eyes! I need them for reading because I'm a librarian!
08:05Ah!
08:10Time to get that goose. Which will get Martinez's goose.
08:13And then things will be back to the glorious, gooseless, godless way it was before.
08:16Let's go, you silly goose.
08:19I'm sorry, that was in poor taste.
08:21I'm doing this alone.
08:22Great! Everyone else is on my team.
08:24What? That's not fair. I want a team too.
08:26You just want them because I have them.
08:28Uh, Nodoy, that's how petty jealousy works.
08:31I'm sorry, would you mind stepping up on a chair? My back is killing me today.
08:35I'm the boss, you come down to me.
08:38Fine.
08:42You can't tell me what to do.
08:44Hey, hey. We've got a better chance of saving the vibe and catching the goose if we all work together.
08:49Exactly. Together on separate teams, pitted against each other. Let's pick.
08:58Ladies, and whatever you are, first.
09:01Kang!
09:02Ooh, ooh, can I have a second to practice my surprise face when you pick me over Winona?
09:06Ooh!
09:07But I don't want to be on anybody's team.
09:09I want to be neutral, like Switzerland or journalists before the 1990s.
09:13Summers!
09:14You're with me!
09:15Don't worry. You'll be my man on the inside.
09:17Team Secret Flute.
09:18Ooh, do we get code names?
09:20I'm already regretting this.
09:22And I'm Dr. Marzipan.
09:25These are the giant scissors I used to cut the ribbon for the mall that burned down.
09:29Ah, this I used to open the casino that exploded.
09:33This, ooh, this, oh my god, this one.
09:36Where's the cool thing you promised us?
09:38Yeah, we're sick of this. We want...
09:41Taylor's version!
09:42Uh, almost ready.
09:44But first, my wife!
09:47Good one, honey. Moving on.
09:52I'm in with the cool crowd. We're wearing the wrong jeans. I'll fill you in later.
09:55During the last election, you replaced all of Grimsburg's subways with zip lines
09:59to make public transportation, quote, greener and super rizzed up.
10:04Have they actually lowered emissions, even though the buses you take to the top run on diesel?
10:09Uh, who wants to see an execution? Huh?
10:17Afternoon, crying book officer. Tell me everything you know.
10:22I already told the other detectives. The goose attacked me after I caught it reading.
10:26Wait, are you trying to tell me that Martinez beat us here?
10:30Great job, Winona. Now I'm gonna lose because you're slowing me down like Matt Damon slows down Ben Affleck.
10:35Hey, I didn't ask to be a part of this.
10:37So stop taking your frustrations out on me and Matt Damon.
10:40He's clearly the alpha in that relationship.
10:41It's true.
10:43Ugh, whatever. We're wasting time. We gotta find out what Martinez knows.
10:48All right, one of them is a superhero and the other one bought a zoo. Come on!
10:55Where you going next, goosey?
10:59Hello, already regretting this. Go for Dr. Marzipan.
11:02What's up? My team's doing great. We basically solved it, so we're just chilling, looking at Zillow porn.
11:07Found a castle in Idaho for 90 grand, thinking about it.
11:09But while I gotcha, tell me everything Martinez knows.
11:12Who are you talking to?
11:13Ah!
11:14Uh, my best friend, Clarinet.
11:17You wouldn't know him.
11:18He's a single dad with a drinking problem who thinks I didn't see him cry over a hot dog he dropped at a baseball game.
11:23It cost $12 and was in a souvenir fund.
11:28I can't believe you betrayed me.
11:30Don't worry, Summers. I could use a guy like you on my team.
11:33Winona is being a total Matt Damon.
11:35I'm fine with those apples.
11:36Winona, wanna join my team?
11:38I'll let you take a body home this week.
11:41Ugh, why can't we just get along with the fire department and make sexy calendars together like a real public safety office?
11:47Well, you two finally did it.
11:50You killed the vibe.
11:51You can't kill a vibe. It's not even real.
11:54Not real? Not real?
11:55Then why would Spencer's gift sell a vibe meter?
11:58We're at a two.
11:59So, now I have to go save the vibe and find this goose without you.
12:05Well, at least you still got me...
12:06Get out!
12:08Truck explosion at the breadcrumb factory.
12:11The sailor described as short, white, and covered in feathers.
12:14My God, Bjork is back.
12:16Not this time.
12:17Reports are it's a goose who was last seen flying south towards the Grimsburg pie scraper.
12:20Not that I could see it in here.
12:27All I can see is a 1998 Dilbert a Day calendar, and I'm starting to find it funny.
12:32Help me!
12:35And in regards to fracking, what did you mean when you said unprotected fracking is fine if they look clean?
12:42Stan, can I see you in my office?
12:43We got this! As long as he doesn't have one of those Matt Lauer desk buttons.
12:50All right. Who sent you?
12:52The opposition? The news? Is your caper camera? That's actually very blush.
12:56Who makes this?
12:58I just want to be an informed voter.
12:59Why? The system is what it is, and we just choose a new bozo to pop at the top.
13:04And I want to stay that bozo.
13:06I'll give you whatever you want to stop this informed nonsense.
13:09Now this is real politics, Sanity.
13:12Grief, pobs, and fact ordeal.
13:14Tell him we want arson legalized.
13:17Mayor, we need to talk.
13:19Your goose is reading, committing random acts of violence, and ruining my work vibe.
13:24Look, I've got an election to win.
13:25And what do children love most?
13:28Ritualist of violence.
13:28Talking animals.
13:31So I went on the dark web and got the goose one of those limitless pills from that movie,
13:35but I worried it might not be real because, you know, it's just a movie.
13:38So I also gave him some CPH4 pills from the movie Lucy,
13:41a few red pills from The Matrix,
13:43and everything they took in The Wolf of Wall Street.
13:46So you made a limitless Lucy talking goose?
13:49A talking goose?
13:51Yay!
13:52Yay!
13:55Called it.
13:58The Grimsburg Pie Scraper.
14:06The pie factory in the sky that the mayor built after misunderstanding what it meant to promise voters that very thing.
14:11I can't believe we have to work for that idiot.
14:13Now you know how I feel.
14:18Honk.
14:18Here, Mother Goose.
14:20Come on.
14:21There you go.
14:22We like the same size.
14:23Same size, same team.
14:24No, no, no.
14:25Come to me.
14:25I've got a pocket full of scratch-offs I can't tell if I won,
14:28and this sandwich somebody wouldn't let me eat.
14:31Wait.
14:32Hey, little birdie honk honk.
14:33You like hoagie honk honk?
14:39Wait, Flu, don't.
14:40I think that goose killed the guy at the drive-thru.
14:43Killer goose, nice try.
14:46Ha!
14:46I win.
14:47Thank you, Mayor's Goose.
14:50I am the Mayor's Goose.
14:53What's wrong, Martinez?
14:54Jealous the goose isn't asking you ominous questions?
14:57Ah!
14:57Talking goose!
14:59Now it all makes sense.
15:01The Mayor made me.
15:03He is responsible for who I have become.
15:06And now he must take responsibility for what I must do.
15:11What the heck?
15:21Well, there goes our goose.
15:23No, there goes our jobs.
15:25Starting to wish that was Bjork.
15:27How are you, though?
15:28No, you're right.
15:32The goose is headed to City Hall.
15:34To the stairs!
15:35Stairs?
15:36There's no time.
15:36We have to jump.
15:37It's way faster.
15:38Look for a French cafe awning we can bounce off of.
15:41Eww!
15:42Move this!
15:43There she is.
15:44I thought I'd never see you again after you sold out.
15:47How did I sell out?
15:48Reading all your management books and wearing that stupid power suit?
15:51You look like you're cosplaying as a ladies' college basketball coach.
15:53You know what?
15:54I don't love this outfit either.
15:55But at least I don't look like I'm smuggling a basketball into my shirt.
15:59Really?
15:59A fat joke in this climate?
16:00Grow up.
16:01Oh, wait.
16:02You already tried that.
16:03That's a short joke!
16:04Those are still in play.
16:06No one's made a stink about those yet.
16:07Speaking of stink...
16:09Don't you dare.
16:10This is Russell by Kurt for Kurt Russell Colon, stupid.
16:13Me stupid, you stupid.
16:15I thought the stupidest thing in town was the mayor's pie scraper until I met you.
16:18That's not the stupidest thing I've ever heard, because everyone knows the stupidest thing in town is the mayor's zipline.
16:23Wait, what did you say?
16:24I said that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
16:26No, the other thing!
16:27Russell by Kurt?
16:28There was the basketball thing?
16:30Teeth?
16:30No, the zipline!
16:31I figured it out!
16:38I said it first!
16:38No, you said it, but I put it together!
16:41You're so sad!
16:42Goose!
16:43Goose!
16:43Goose!
16:44Goose!
16:45All right, we're gonna have to pay off these kids.
16:47Cash, candy, and a sip of beer.
16:48You know the drill.
16:50My dear time.
16:54Yes, yes!
16:56My gift to you!
16:57A talking goose!
16:59Please don't kill me!
17:00I cannot kill you because I need you.
17:04Where once I was happy to eat moss and bugs in a lake,
17:07now I look upon those joys with confusion and disdain.
17:12I dream of ignorance.
17:14Make me a goose again!
17:16Look, I wish I could change your back, but I just can't.
17:19They didn't make a movie called Limitless Less.
17:24Hands up!
17:25Feathers up?
17:26Wings?
17:27Change me back or he gets it.
17:29Oh yeah, goose?
17:30Will, too, can play at that game.
17:32Put your gun down or she gets it.
17:37Why?
17:38She means nothing to me.
17:40Join the club.
17:40She means nothing to me, too.
17:42I mean, she used to before she got all boring and started dressing like Pat Summit.
17:45Wait, used to?
17:46What do you mean by that?
17:49Elaborate.
17:49I would never.
17:51How about now?
17:53Fine.
17:54Ever since I lost this promotion, I feel like I've lost my best enemy.
17:58I miss us.
17:58So you're not jealous that I'm the chief?
18:00No.
18:01I just want you to be a detective again so we can go back to spiting each other as equals.
18:05Everything is weird now.
18:06Not like you'd care.
18:07Maybe I do.
18:09Then prove it, hotshot.
18:10Oh, man.
18:12Okay, fine.
18:12I miss it, too.
18:14My love language is hate, but there's nothing we can do.
18:17Why not?
18:18Wait.
18:19I think I need the gun again.
18:21You can have mine.
18:22Now we're good.
18:22Why not?
18:24Because I'm your boss now.
18:26I can't fight with you anymore.
18:27Can't you see that?
18:28Enough.
18:29Can't you see that fighting is what makes you both better?
18:33We have no idea what you're talking about.
18:35How about now, punks?
18:38Whoa.
18:39He's right.
18:40Once we started fighting, we figured out how to get off that pie scraper.
18:43But if we can't fight anymore, then I'm done with this.
18:47And the this I'm referring to is living.
18:50No, flute.
18:53Don't do it.
18:54I know everything seems different now, but...
18:56But nothing has changed.
19:01What?
19:01Just because someone is different does not mean everything must change.
19:06Even though I am now all-knowing, it does not mean I cannot still be a goose and eat breadcrumbs
19:11or lunge at an unsupervised toddler in the park.
19:15So, just because she's my boss...
19:18Doesn't mean we can't hate each other.
19:22I hate you.
19:24Always will.
19:25And I wish you had pulled that trigger and killed yourself.
19:28Dupus.
19:28Aww.
19:29No.
19:31By the power vested in me by the hard-working children of this city, I hereby pardon him.
19:37Because I cannot kill the goose that lays the golden egg.
19:41Of truth.
19:43I guess the only thing that I really care about in politics is compassion.
19:47Oh, am God.
19:52He's crying?
19:53What a loser, baby.
19:54I know this will end my time as a popular sixth grader, but that loser baby is my baby.
20:01And I am so mother.
20:03His mother.
20:04A mother.
20:06I don't even know if I'm saying any of this right, but you know what?
20:08I don't care.
20:12Not caring?
20:14That is so father.
20:15Body found at the corner of Diane Lane and Peekaboo Street.
20:22Team, let's move.
20:25Uh-oh.
20:26Are mom and dad gonna fight?
20:28Nope.
20:29Good job today, numbnuts.
20:30It's actually numbnut.
20:32And thank you.
20:33Vibe so good, I don't even have to check.
20:36Team, let's move.
20:38Take the lead, chief.
20:39And while I never consented to the changes thrust upon me, I now see that change often brings us into a new light.
21:03You know, like how they change the Batmans all the time.
21:10Oh, I see.
21:11Which is why today I announce my candidacy for mayor.
21:16And together, we will demand change.
21:24Now that's what we promise.
21:26Change.
21:27Can we go now?
21:28I'm so freaking bored.
21:34Bento.