00:00No, I'm not coming down there to deal with anything you did, okay?
00:03I'm not going to come down and touch any of your stuff.
00:06In fact, I'm calling security right now.
00:08They can deal with you.
00:09I'm done with it.
00:11Thank you for calling me.
00:13This is Jake speaking.
00:14How can I help you?
00:15Hi, Jake.
00:16My name is Cameron Dilley, and I would like to make a complaint.
00:20Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
00:22I'm sure I'll be happy to help you resolve that.
00:24What seems to be the problem?
00:25Well, first of all, I want you to understand something, okay?
00:28I love your store, and the service here is always impeccable.
00:33I'm happy to hear that.
00:34Yeah.
00:34Well, that being said, your restroom facilities leave a lot to be desired.
00:40Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
00:42What exactly is wrong with them?
00:45Well, just a few minutes ago, I went into the restroom near the men's clothing department,
00:50and I was appalled at what I saw.
00:55And what was that?
00:56Well, there are no hand-washing stations, no paper towels, no toilet paper, nothing.
01:02Wow, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
01:04We try to make sure to keep all those things maintained.
01:06Yeah, well, I'm in here right now still.
01:08There is nothing.
01:10No hand sanitizer.
01:12All there is in here is a full-length mirror, a few hangers.
01:15There's no water, no plumbing.
01:17Are you guys doing some renovations or something I should have known about?
01:20I'm sorry, do you mean the water isn't working, the faucets aren't turning on, or are they backed up?
01:26What's the problem?
01:27No, I mean, there's no plumbing in the walls or anything.
01:30I mean, there's a full-length mirror, a little area to sit, and a few hangers, and some little pens that go in clothing laying around, too.
01:41Um, I think I know what's going on here.
01:44Yeah, I think I do, too.
01:45Your department store is steadily going downhill.
01:48I think that's obvious.
01:48Sir, based on your description, I think there's a chance you might not actually be in the men's room.
01:57Is there any chance you took a wrong turn and ended up in the changing room instead?
02:01Because that sounds a lot more like what you're describing.
02:03No, I'm definitely in the bathroom.
02:05I have to be in the bathroom because I've gone to the bathroom twice now, and I have, there's nothing.
02:12Wait, I'm sorry.
02:13I didn't follow that last part.
02:14I said, I've gone to the bathroom twice, and I would like maybe an attendant to bring me some toilet paper or something or some cleaning products.
02:22I mean, it is disgusting in here.
02:24You went to the bathroom in the bathroom or in the changing room?
02:30Where I'm standing right now, your bathroom, the one that has no toilets, no sinks, just a mirror of a place to sit.
02:38I've gone to the bathroom twice, and I need to clean up.
02:41And that's where you went to the bathroom?
02:44In the room.
02:44Yes.
02:45In the room with no toilet, but with a mirror.
02:48Right.
02:49And I don't know why you would have a bathroom like that here.
02:53Oh, okay.
02:54Wow.
02:55This is not good.
02:56No, it's not.
02:57Okay, I'm going to have to ask you a question here because I'm obviously going to have to send some people in there.
03:02Did you, how do I say, go number one or number two?
03:07Well, I guess I went number three.
03:10Oh, my God.
03:11Didn't I?
03:12Ah, meaning number one and number three.
03:15Right.
03:16Wow.
03:16Okay.
03:17Yeah, and it's everywhere.
03:19I don't know why you guys don't have toilets in your bathroom.
03:22Okay, sir.
03:22We have toilets in our bathroom.
03:25No, you don't.
03:26Stand in here and no toilet.
03:28Okay, sir.
03:29I'm trying very hard to keep my composure here, but if you go into a room and there's no toilet there,
03:35then that's probably not a bathroom and you probably shouldn't use it for one.
03:40Oh, are you saying?
03:41That doesn't make it a bathroom.
03:42Okay.
03:42Are you saying the customer is wrong?
03:46It kind of sounds like in this case, yeah.
03:48Uh, as far as I'm concerned, the customer is always right.
03:53Not when they decide to poop in a changing room.
03:55No, they're not right then.
03:57Okay, well, what if they decide the changing room is the bathroom and then they poop in it?
04:01What?
04:01No, that's, oh, my God.
04:03This is, uh...
04:04The bottom line is, I need you to come and clean this up.
04:08No, I'm not coming down there to deal with anything you did, okay?
04:12I'm not going to come down and touch any of your stuff.
04:15In fact, I'm calling security right now.
04:17They can deal with you.
04:18I'm done with this.
04:18Well, I'm done with this, too, and that's why I'm going to let you know this is a prank phone call.
04:23I...
04:23What?
04:25Yeah, this is actually Jubal from Brooke and Jubal in the morning doing a phone tap on you.
04:29Your coworker, Beth, set you up.
04:33Like...
04:33It's a joke.
04:36Wait a minute.
04:37It's a joke.
04:38She told me that you'd get a lot of customer complaints that she wanted to mess with you.
04:43I had no idea what to do when you said you took a dump in the dressing room.
04:49Well, you could start by getting some toilets in there, I think.
04:53Hello?
04:54Hey, is this Chris?
04:57Yeah.
04:58Hey, man, this is Fatal.
05:01Who?
05:01Oh, my friends call me Fatal, but my real name is James Lee.
05:05How's it going?
05:08I'm sorry.
05:08I thought this was my brother calling.
05:10Oh, no.
05:11I'm in jail with your brother.
05:13Hasn't he told you about me?
05:16Uh, no.
05:17Oh.
05:18All right.
05:18He hasn't.
05:19Well, I'm going to have to talk to him about that.
05:22How are you?
05:25I'm good.
05:26Um, how's Alan?
05:28He's doing pretty good.
05:29He was a little scared at first, you know, obviously, being new here and stuff.
05:36Yeah, well, um, a tough spot to be in, huh?
05:40It was.
05:41It was.
05:41Now he's doing all right since we met.
05:43Uh, okay.
05:45Uh, is he there?
05:46Yeah, he's out in the yard.
05:47He's out in the yard right now, but, um, he gave me your number and said it was okay
05:52to call you.
05:53I had some phone time and I was just thinking I'd give you a shout to say nice to meet you.
05:58Oh, okay.
05:59Uh, yeah.
05:59Nice to talk to you.
06:01Um.
06:01Yeah, he and I are bunkmates.
06:04Oh, yeah.
06:05Okay.
06:08You just called to say hello?
06:10Yeah, well, I wanted to introduce myself because me and your brother have started seeing each
06:16other.
06:18Oh.
06:20All right.
06:21Um, he, uh, he, uh, must have forgotten to tell me that.
06:25Oh, he hasn't told you about me, huh?
06:28No, no, I would have, uh, I would have remembered that, um.
06:31Well.
06:33I'll figure that out myself.
06:34That's between me and your brother.
06:36But I do have to say, he says you're his hero.
06:40Okay.
06:40Oh, thank you.
06:41And, and I'm calling because I know that he would want his hero at the ceremony.
06:47What ceremony?
06:48He and I are getting hitched.
06:52You're joking.
06:53No, if there's one thing Fatal doesn't do, he doesn't do it.
06:55I don't know what to say.
06:58I mean.
06:59You got a problem with me?
07:01You know, I got a problem with the situation, not you.
07:04Ah, right.
07:05You're right.
07:06The situation.
07:06Look at that, another one.
07:07You're just angry because Alan is my butt steak.
07:10Aren't you?
07:12I don't even know.
07:12What do I say to that?
07:13I just, I just, I really want to talk to him.
07:15You don't know love?
07:17What?
07:17Who are you to put a label on love?
07:19You're just a free man walking around while I'm in here with your brother.
07:23Listen, I don't, I don't need to hear this from you.
07:25I don't want to hear it.
07:26Your brother knows love.
07:27That's for sure.
07:28He knows it real good.
07:30You know what?
07:31Shut the hell up.
07:32Whoa.
07:32Listen to me.
07:33Next time I come up there, you're going to have to deal with me.
07:35I'm not taking this anymore.
07:36I'm not listening to this anymore.
07:37Are you like this?
07:38You and me.
07:39Hey, are you like this with all your brother's boyfriends?
07:42Have you always been this way?
07:43I've never had a boyfriend before.
07:45Oh, I didn't know I was his first.
07:47All right, I'm going to call the jail.
07:49I'm going to talk to whoever I can.
07:51I'm going to get you two separated because you're taking advantage of my brother.
07:54Hey, he's taking advantage of me.
07:56You're disgusting.
07:57I'm not talking to you.
07:58Hey, look, look, don't be mad at me just because your brother came in here.
08:02He was a little scared little puppy when he got in here, and I helped him out.
08:06Right, and you're going to get sent down to where people don't ever come back out.
08:09I'll do whatever for you.
08:10Hey, I'll do whatever for your brother.
08:13We're in love.
08:15Can't stop me.
08:16What the hell are you talking about, love?
08:18You're in jail.
08:19You don't even know what you're talking about.
08:20You don't know what love is until you've been loved in a jail bunk.
08:23Right.
08:23Apparently not, yeah.
08:25All right, thank you very much.
08:26I see what it is.
08:27You're just jealous of your brother.
08:28You want to be my butt steak.
08:29God, what the hell is wrong with you?
08:32Oh, that makes you laugh?
08:33Yeah, because this is actually Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning.
08:37I'm moving 92.5 doing a phone tap on you.
08:41Oh, my God.
08:43Your brother Alan set you up.
08:45He sent us a letter from jail and asked us to phone tap you.
08:49Oh, my God.
08:50How the hell did he do that?
08:52I don't know, but I appreciated it.
08:54I really thought it was real.
08:56Well, hopefully your brother is nobody's butt steak.
