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  • 07/06/2025
#romance #love#gay#lgbtq#bl#film#movie#boyslove#tv#webserie#lgbtq
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00:00Hello, this is Josh. I am unavailable. I'm too busy. I'm too busy for you.
00:07Yeah, hi, Josh. I am aware that I agreed we wouldn't see each other again, so this is slightly embarrassing.
00:16What seems to be happening now, though, is I've had this little thought that what might be just wonderful is if I could, in fact, actually see you again.
00:28Knowing well that you have a boyfriend, so this is a selfish call.
00:32I guess I've weighed up how selfish I'm comfortable being versus how much I do, in fact, want to talk to you.
00:38I think what we're seeing now is I want to talk to you quite a bit.
00:42Full disclosure, I've had a pretty full-on headache all week and it's not looking optimistic.
00:49I'm in hospital. It's glass half empty and the glass half full part is my mum's tears.
00:54I've realised that makes me a far less attractive prospect than your boyfriend and I would advise against seeing me.
01:02I have chlamydia.
01:03Again?
01:04Again.
01:05Okay, so we're doing this today.
01:08Yes.
01:09Have you been to the doctor?
01:11No.
01:12How do you know?
01:13I just know, okay?
01:15Okay.
01:16Have you told Ella?
01:17No.
01:18How will you tell Ella?
01:19Okay, so here's the thing.
01:20Here we go.
01:21Here we go.
01:22Here we go.
01:23Here we go.
01:24So?
01:25Before we had sex, Ella did a very responsible thing where she asked me when the last time I'd had a sexual health test was.
01:32As you know, I've never had a sexual health test.
01:35So I said, last week.
01:37Here we go.
01:40So here's what we're going to do.
01:42We?
01:43Yes, we're a team.
01:44Like Siegfried and Roy.
01:45No, not that type of team.
01:46Like Milo and Otis.
01:47You only have to take one pill, right?
01:49Right.
01:50So I go to the doctor, I get the medicine, but I do not take it.
01:55Like Simon and Garfunkel.
01:57I go to another doctor, I get the second dose, I take one, and then we sneak the other one into Ella's food and disinfect her.
02:05Tom, that is crazy.
02:07Okay.
02:08I admit, as it came out of my mouth, it did sound crazier than it did in my head.
02:12It's all right.
02:13I'm in.
02:15One, two, one, two, three, four.
02:18Cool.
02:19Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah.
02:23Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:26Oh, the good Lord knows it.
02:29Oh, the good Lord knows it.
02:32I left better behind, I'll be fine, yeah, yeah.
02:37Make my moment turn another blind.
02:39Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:42I left better behind, I'll be fine.
02:47Ben.
02:48It's not available.
02:49At the tone, please leave your message.
02:51Ben, hi.
02:53This is Josh.
02:54Yeah, I'm a little bit offended that you're so surprised that you want to see me again.
02:58Uh, and a little bit not sure what you're asking me, because you're saying you want to see me again, but then you're saying that you're in a hospital.
03:08Are you asking me to see you again in hospital?
03:12Mate!
03:13You never call me.
03:15Yeah, well, also you never call me.
03:17So, whatever.
03:18I need you to babysit Grace tonight.
03:21Yes, Grace wants to come visit!
03:23No, I'm making dinner for your dad.
03:25I'm going to try and convince him to forgive me.
03:27Yeah, go on your life story, mate.
03:29Just bring little Grace and whatever hilarious tiny outfits we have after 5pm.
03:34Okay.
03:37You need to drink more water.
03:40I'm always telling you that.
03:41I have nowhere to put it.
03:42Why don't they put it in a clear bag?
03:44Are you waiting for a blood test?
03:46Yes.
03:47Yes.
03:48Again?
03:49The last doctor penetrated my penis.
03:52And inside my penis.
03:54And then this doctor didn't penetrate my penis, so I know that wasn't entirely necessary.
03:58Now I'm a little bit confused about what I've been through.
04:02I'm going to seek Alice Villa into her tarjean.
04:04I've thought about it and I've decided it's fine.
04:06We're having tarjean?
04:08Yeah.
04:09Hmm.
04:10Well, can I at least pick the prettiest piece of parsley?
04:13Um, okay.
04:14Do you know what I'm done with?
04:16I'm done with feeling insecure when cool kids make me an espresso.
04:19Screw them!
04:20They don't get to make me feel insecure just because I've got asymmetrical hair!
04:23Ladies!
04:24Ladies!
04:25George!
04:26Hello, mate.
04:27I've been thinking about it and I'm sorry, you're right.
04:29I should have called, okay?
04:30Oh, it's okay.
04:31I'm in a hurry.
04:32I have to go.
04:33No, no, first tell me how you are.
04:34Oh, I'm such a mess.
04:35Just a bear daughter.
04:36That is really punishing me.
04:37Yes.
04:38Let's have a dance.
04:39Ah!
04:40Ah!
04:41Ah!
04:42Ah!
04:43Ah!
04:44Ah!
04:45Ah!
04:46Ah!
04:47Ah!
04:48Ah!
04:49Ah!
04:50Ah!
04:51Ah!
04:52Ah!
04:53Ah!
04:54Ah!
04:55Ah!
04:56Okay!
04:57Ah!
04:58Okay, come on.
04:59Give me the babies.
05:00Okay.
05:01Okay, Tracy.
05:02Bye-bye!
05:03Bye-bye, Tracy.
05:04No, Gracie.
05:05Actually, you love me.
05:06Actually, you love me.
05:07Okay.
05:08How's it going?
05:09fucking delightful. What do we do? I don't know what to talk about. I'm sure how to think of something.
05:13The water's boiling over. Well, take off the heat. Well, you told me not to interfere.
05:17Come on.
05:26So, today I met this lady who reckons that she kept a goldfish alive for 16 years.
05:32Well, that just can't be possible. Yeah, that's bullshit. She's a witch.
05:35Oh, no, she was a witch. I met a witch and I fucked up.
05:39How did you fuck up? What were you supposed to do with a witch?
05:42Magic.
05:47So, guys, I have something to tell you that I've just been a bit too awkward to tell you about.
05:51What?
05:54So, it's not a big deal, okay? It's disgusting, but it's not a big deal.
05:58Yeah, what is it?
05:59I have worms.
06:00Worms?
06:01Worms?
06:03Yes.
06:03Why are you telling us this? You don't have to tell us everything.
06:08Because, if I have worms, then maybe they're in the house, the regs are in the house, and we all have to take medication.
06:16How the fuck did you get worms?
06:19Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I got them.
06:21How do you know? Like, what does it feel like to have worms?
06:24I just... I just none.
06:27You are fucking disgusting. You are fucking disgusting.
06:30No, it's normal. Things like this happen. There's no shame.
06:34Yeah, it's really normal.
06:36Tom, why are you okay with this?
06:38Why do you have the decency to at least act as though you're grossed out?
06:42Arnold's being really quiet.
06:43No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. What do we have to do? Just tell me what I have to do to get rid of the worms.
06:47Yes, we just all have to get treated, because otherwise they'll keep on living.
06:52They live in the sheets. We need to wash all the sheets.
06:54We don't have to wash all the sheets, do we?
06:55Oh, we just changed my sheets.
06:57Won't they be in the food? They're not in the food.
06:59Why did you wait until the middle of dinner? You've been held onto this all day?
07:02Yeah, sorry, Josh. I just don't think we can eat it.
07:05Yeah, Arnold's right. We just can't eat it.
07:06You can't eat the food, because we're going to take the medication later.
07:09Do you have the medication?
07:10Okay, yeah. Tom, I need you to stop knowingly eating worm eggs.
07:15It's all of the medication.
07:17You are right. I probably should have the medication, but I don't.
07:20I will go and get the medication as soon as Grace leaves.
07:24Oh, no, Grace. What are we going to do about Grace?
07:26Grace is fine.
07:26No, you have to tell your dad that you gave her worms.
07:28Oh, I'll Google what to do.
07:30Great.
07:30I will go and get the medication after dinner.
07:32No, we're not going to just incubate worm eggs for another few hours just so that you can have dessert.
07:40Fine.
07:41I'll go get you some cash from mine.
07:43No, no. No, no. Tom, take this.
07:45My shout. Special treat.
07:54Oh, Josh, can I please talk to you for a moment?
07:58Claire too, actually.
07:59Are you running off the microwave plate?
08:16Aren't you impressed I found a clean plate?
08:19We really need to wash some dishes.
08:21I keep waiting for one of your manic episodes.
08:23I put those mouldy pots in the freezer that should hold them at bay for a couple of days.
08:28Looks like you guys need a hand.
08:30Stuart!
08:31Oh, what are you doing here?
08:34Wanted to come and apologise.
08:38Uh, apologise?
08:39I just want to say my piece.
08:40OK.
08:41OK.
08:44I'd offer you a cup of tea, but we're all out of cups.
08:47And salad bowls.
08:49And enthusiasm.
08:55You fucking dorks!
08:57Look, guys, OK?
08:59I hear you.
09:00I do.
09:00I just, I just really think everything's going to be fine.
09:03All you had to do was put it in our food.
09:05Yeah, no, that's the problem.
09:08The method.
09:09The method he is using to drug your girlfriend.
09:13I'm a hero, OK?
09:14I have taken the most incredible fault for you.
09:16We're enabling him!
09:17You just couldn't handle the fact that I had the idea.
09:19So you had to change the idea to suit you.
09:22No, it's a good plan.
09:24Worms is worse than chlamydia.
09:25Is it?
09:26Is it?
09:26No.
09:28Please, just tell her the truth!
09:30No, not now that I've lied for Tom.
09:32Because then I will find out and he'll realise what kind of people we are.
09:35Do you actually have worms?
09:37Is this your sneaky little way of putting your worms on my shoulders?
09:40I don't know why you two don't just date each other.
09:42You make a beautiful couple.
09:4316 years for a goldfish?
09:44Wow!
09:45Well, it's very obvious you guys are talking about me.
09:47We won't?
09:48No.
09:48Are you blaming the worms on me because I'm new here?
09:50Definitely not.
09:51Because I really don't think that I gave you worms.
09:53Neither do we.
09:54I'm sorry if I did, though.
09:59No, I still think it's a good plan.
10:01Me and Hazel did split up, but then her mum died and she was so upset and, you know,
10:05I'm all that she has, so I took her back.
10:07And I know that was a mistake and I know it was unfair to you, but I just couldn't bear
10:12to see her that upset.
10:13Well, it's very sad for Hazel.
10:16Yeah, it was very sad.
10:20So, have you got anything else to say?
10:23I'm just, I'm sorry.
10:26Well, that's done then.
10:28No.
10:30Just sit down.
10:31Sit down.
10:32I'm not a bad guy.
10:34No, look, I think you're fine.
10:36We're finished.
10:37You probably should go.
10:38No, I'm not done.
10:40I'm not going anywhere.
10:41Stuart, you have to go.
10:57How long are you going to do this for?
10:59Until you forgive me.
11:02All right.
11:06What are you doing?
11:07Come on.
11:07I'm not going.
11:08No, come on.
11:09I'm not done, Rose.
11:10Just want you to forgive me, Rose.
11:15I forgive you.
11:17That was insincere.
11:18Oh, I forgive you.
11:20You're really starting to bother me now, Rose.
11:22I'm not a well-man.
11:23You need to be very careful here.
11:28Hello, this is Josh.
11:30I am unavailable.
11:31I am too busy.
11:32I am too busy for you.
11:32Josh, at the point when I was accosted by your awful voicemail greeting, I hadn't resolved
11:42my intentions as well as you might have liked.
11:44Now it seems I've made the same mistake twice.
11:48I don't know what I'm saying.
11:49I suggest forgetting I ever called and maybe having a chocolate biscuit or something.
11:55Ben is not available.
12:04At the tone, please leave your message.
12:06So, I think what you're trying to say, but you're too scared or perhaps just too exhausted
12:15because of the way you speak, is that you're not sure whether it's worth seeing me again,
12:21but you're worried that you might never get an opportunity to find out in the light of
12:26day, how disappointing my face actually is.
12:29Does that, uh, does that sound about right?
12:42No of you being Grace won't stop crying.
12:44I was just putting the bins out.
12:46Hi.
12:50She's fine, babe.
12:51Yeah, she was crying so much.
12:52I promise, she just stopped.
12:53Okay.
12:54I mean, I wish she was crying.
12:55I think I'm going to get to pick her up on a little bit of Grace time.
12:57I'm really very worried about Grace.
12:59Worms love babies.
13:00Really?
13:01Is that a thing?
13:02Everyone loves babies.
13:03Maybe your dad should come get her.
13:05No, no, I don't want everyone in his special night, okay?
13:07Well, tell him when he comes pick her up.
13:08If she's got worms, then your dad probably has worms too, you know?
13:11Sometimes I wonder how there is anyone in the world that doesn't have worms.
13:14You should call Tom and make sure that he talks to the pharmacist about Grace.
13:18Okay.
13:19Yep.
13:20Yeah, no, that is a good idea.
13:25It would be silly not to.
13:26Yeah.
13:33It's just ringing.
13:39Hey, buddy.
13:40Fine.
13:41I'm properly scared at this point.
13:42Am I going to jail?
13:43I feel like at least some part of today means jail.
13:46I've accepted the fact that she's going to break out with me.
13:48That's done.
13:48Now I'm trying to decide how I can explain to my parents that I'm not going to see them
13:51for a while.
13:52Yeah, we just think it might be a good idea for you to pick up some baby worming medication
13:56for Grace.
13:57That doesn't exist.
13:58Yeah, no, no, no.
13:59We don't need a treat.
14:00Thank you for offering, though.
14:01Gosh, what a generous guy.
14:02What a good guy.
14:03I can't handle this.
14:05I love you, too.
14:09Why'd you say no to the treat?
14:11You're starving.
14:12Well, fine.
14:16I'll just go, then, will I?
14:17Okay.
14:20Okay, that's it, then, is it?
14:22Okay.
14:23Nice knowing you.
14:24Is there something wrong with you, Rose?
14:26Is there something wrong with your head?
14:27Yeah, there is.
14:29That's how you guys met.
14:31Why can't you see that I'm a good man?
14:35What do you think we should do?
14:36He'll wear himself out.
14:37I'm seconds away from blowing my top here.
14:43Seconds away.
14:44Do you think we should call the police?
14:46No, he doesn't need to go to prison.
15:03It's Rose.
15:04You better answer it.
15:07Hello, Rose.
15:10Alan, Stuart's broken into my house and he won't leave.
15:14What?
15:15Have you called the police?
15:16No, no, I don't want to get him arrested.
15:18What's happening?
15:19Stuart's broken into Rose's house.
15:21She sounds scared.
15:22She doesn't want to call the police.
15:23No, I'm not scared.
15:25I just want him to leave.
15:27Okay, okay, let's go.
15:29Do you think...
15:31Okay, yeah, we're coming, Rose.
15:32We're coming.
15:32Do we need this?
15:38What?
15:38No, Alan.
15:39I won't use it.
15:40Well, then don't bring it.
15:41We might leave it.
15:42Okay, you are not allowed to use it.
15:43No, I won't.
15:44I won't.
15:50Hi, Dan.
15:51Hi, Josh.
15:52It's Dad.
15:53And Nick.
15:53How is Greg going?
15:55I think she is an angel.
15:56Look, Josh, Stuart's having some sort of sit-in at your mum's place.
16:00She and Hannah are stuck there with him.
16:02Oh, okay.
16:03Okay.
16:04Josh, is that your dad?
16:05Yeah.
16:06You have to tell him about Grace.
16:07What?
16:08Jake, what about Grace?
16:11Okay, I have worms and maybe Grace has worms.
16:17Why are you telling us this?
16:18Just maybe Grace has worms and you're going to have to get her checked.
16:23How did you get worms?
16:24I don't know.
16:25I don't know.
16:25It's not like they were invited.
16:27Well, I'll keep going.
16:28We want her.
16:29Okay?
16:30Great.
16:31You have to wash all the sheets.
16:33Yes, I know.
16:35Okay.
16:36There's no worms.
16:37Practical joke.
16:38What?
16:40That's not funny, Josh.
16:41Wait, what?
16:42There are no worms?
16:43There are no worms.
16:44Thomas Chlamydia.
16:45Again?
16:46Yeah.
16:47How are the two related?
16:48Does he always lie?
16:49I thought he never lies.
16:51Maybe that's the biggest lie of all.
16:52Okay.
16:53Well, what do you want me to do about Mum?
16:54I'm just ringing to tell you to make sure that you keep you and Grace safe.
16:58From the man at Mum's house who's not here at my house?
17:01Your dad is just calling because he is so excited.
17:04He might get to be our hero.
17:06You know, guys, it was probably John who gave us worms.
17:09I mean, I'm sorry to say it, but let's be real.
17:11Hi, Grace.
17:12Why?
17:13What have you seen doing this?
17:14Do I get no saying on whether my boyfriend tells people he has worms?
17:17This is the nicest thing I've ever seen just do for someone.
17:19I'm calling to tell you where we are so that if anything goes wrong, you can call the police.
17:24Oh, maybe you could just call the police now.
17:26Your mum doesn't want to send him to prison.
17:29You're that far.
17:30Quick, get back, John.
17:31Oh.
17:31I'm not going to use it.
17:34Bye, Georgie.
17:38It was definitely John.
17:41I've seen him licking Josh's face.
17:42He's licked all of our faces.
17:43Why wasn't John, was it, buddy?
17:45I can see it in his eyes.
17:47Dead giveaway, John.
17:49Dead giveaway.
17:50Dead giveaway.
17:51Tell you what, Stuart.
17:59I'll forgive you very sincerely if you clean the kitchen.
18:08These pills couldn't look any less alike.
18:09How is this supposed to trick her?
18:11Just tell her we took Alice already.
18:13The boss appointed me going to the pharmacy again.
18:15If she's not even going to see them, I have to get them to check out the back.
18:18I want to take them.
18:18Well, if you take them, you have to pay for them.
18:20Josh didn't give me enough money.
18:22Did you guys take them without me?
18:25Yeah.
18:26I thought we'd do it together, no?
18:27Yeah, you're all right.
18:28Sorry.
18:29We should have waited.
18:32Josh, can I have a little sip of your beer, please?
18:37Only the dead have seen the end of war.
18:43It's a Plato quote.
18:48Hi, Rose.
18:53He won't budge.
18:54I don't know what to do.
18:55We're 10 seconds away.
18:57Who's that?
18:58I mean, it's Alan, my ex-husband.
19:00Oh, no, it isn't.
19:01I told you not to push me.
19:03So, why now?
19:07What are you doing?
19:07He's running.
19:08What are we going to go?
19:09Get out of the car and protect your wife or the man.
19:11What do we do?
19:12Get out of the fucking car.
19:14Ouch.
19:15I don't think I should get out.
19:16No, don't get out of the car, Alan.
19:18I suppose this is the first time I've met.
19:20Fucking come on.
19:22It's going really well.
19:23Get out.
19:25Oh.
19:26Get out.
19:27Um, what do we do?
19:28Get out.
19:29Oh, ask him to get off?
19:31Um.
19:33Do it, mate.
19:34Can you get off the car?
19:35No, until Rose comes and talks to me.
19:37Get off the car.
19:38You shut up.
19:39Don't talk to her.
19:40Okay, okay.
19:41Um, I'm just going to take him down the street.
19:44What?
19:44Rose, meet me at the curb.
19:46Alan, you are not a bus driver.
19:48No, we can do this.
19:49Oi.
19:51What are you doing?
19:53Alan.
19:54Alan, don't mess around.
19:55Alan.
19:58Oi.
20:00What are you doing?
20:05Just stop there.
20:06Just stop.
20:11One tour the road.
20:13Alan, you prick.
20:15Do you want a tour to Rose?
20:21Oi.
20:24Crap.
20:27Slow down, you fucking loser.
20:29Oh.
20:30Oh.
20:31Oh.
20:32Oi.
20:32Oi.
20:36Oi.
20:40Thanks for this, Alan.
20:41Bye, mate.
20:42Tossers.
20:48Foxy tossers.
20:49Hello, this is Josh.
20:51I am unavailable.
20:52I am too busy.
20:52I am too busy for you.
20:54Josh.
20:55Hey, I think you might be spot on.
20:58I, uh...
21:00I'm tempted to say you don't have to,
21:02but now you've backed me into a corner
21:03and I don't have much to lose.
21:05I'm just going to say it.
21:06Come see me at the hospital
21:09before my aneurysm operation
21:11or you'll look like a proper douche.
21:14Ben.
21:15Is not available.
21:16At the tone,
21:17please leave your message.
21:20Um...
21:21Okay, okay, yeah.
21:23I'll come.
21:36Sex time.
21:37It's sex time.
21:39No, no.
21:41No, no.
21:42Not tonight.
21:42I'm just...
21:43I'm really spent.
21:44You're spent?
21:44No, Ella.
21:47I'm too tired.
21:48You're too tired for sex time.
21:50I just...
21:51I'm offering you sex, yeah?
21:52Ella, I just don't feel like it.
21:54Okay, um...
21:56Well, how about...
21:57I'm going to break Harold's legs
21:58if you don't sex time me.
21:59Don't.
22:00Don't.
22:04Oh, Tom.
22:05Why would you do that to Harold?
22:06I loved Harold.
22:07Well, now you know this isn't a game.
22:09Ella.
22:09Three.
22:10Stop.
22:10Two.
22:11Ella, just listen.
22:13I have chlamydia.
22:15Oh.
22:17Well, why didn't you just tell me?
22:18Because now you're going to break up with me.
22:21I'm not.
22:22Yeah, you are.
22:22Why?
22:23Because of the time I lied about having a sexual health test
22:26because I couldn't be bothered going across the road to buy condoms.
22:30Oh.
22:33Damn it.
22:34Now I have to get angry at you,
22:36and I don't want to get angry,
22:37but I have to as a way of respecting myself.
22:39And the frustrating thing is that I don't know what to say
22:42because I can tell that you already know how bad what you did was.
22:46Did you get symptoms?
22:48Did it hurt?
22:51Were you really scared?
22:54Okay, good.
22:55Well, if you're in pain and fear,
22:57then I don't have to be as angry at you.
22:58It felt really bad.
23:00I'm not going to break up with you,
23:03but I need to make sure that you know
23:05that that doesn't mean that I don't value myself.
23:08I value myself, okay?
23:11The reason that I'm not going to break up with you
23:12is that I, too, have lied to people for my own selfish reasons.
23:17I'm just a better liar than you,
23:18so I got away with it, okay?
23:20I understand why you lied,
23:21but I don't like it,
23:23and if I was the type of person to get angry,
23:25then this is a situation where I might slap you
23:28or maybe scratch your neck, okay?
23:31Okay.
23:32Okay, good.
23:33I'm really sorry.
23:34Mm-hmm.
23:35I do have good news.
23:37What's that?
23:38I already disinfected you,
23:40and you don't have worms.
23:40That pill was chlamydia medication.
23:42Yes.
23:43That's clever.
23:44It wasn't my idea.
23:46I need you to know
23:50that while I'm touched by the gesture,
23:53what you did today was very, very sneaky.
23:56Oh, no.
23:57And I will get my revenge.
23:58Oh, no.
23:58How did Tom ruin it?
23:59I wanted to have sex,
24:00and there's a seven-day window where you're still contagious.
24:03How do you think we should not have this through at all?
24:05Nope.
24:07Hey, Josh.
24:08Yes, I am.
24:09Can you feel my possibly contagious vagina
24:13pressing against your homosexual thigh?
24:16Yes.
24:17No.
24:18I have accepted my revenge.
24:22Good night.
24:23Good night.
24:24Good night.
24:24Good night.
24:34Good night.
24:34Good night.
24:35When you smile at me,
24:37well,
24:38well, I know
24:39how love will always be.
24:42When,
24:43when you kiss,
24:44when you kiss me right,
24:47I,
24:48I don't want
24:49to ever say good night.
24:51Good night.