- 10/05/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Good evening and welcome to man-to-man with Dean Lerner as you can see the bar is closed
00:10I've sent Satu my primary partner home because tonight is a sad occasion my would-be guest this
00:17evening Randolph Kaya the celebrated British character actor who starred in films as diverse
00:23as bitch killer and and that duck 3 duck in the city sadly died yesterday morning this show will
00:32be a celebration of his life through the eyes of those who knew him best a kind of this is your
00:37death cheers Randolph I'm afraid the following title sequence under the circumstances may appear
00:45inappropriately jaunty live from his luxury penthouse apartment in London's glittering
00:52east end Dean Lerner club owner entrepreneur and publisher of high-class gentlemen's magazines
00:58invites you to join him for an exclusive man-to-man
01:01so
01:48Out of respect to Randolph, I'm cutting the monologue which would usually precede our interview.
01:53However, there is one small bit of AOB which I am obliged to mention.
01:57And that is that for this month only, if you dine at my restaurant, Shady No's, on any Tuesday before 4pm,
02:03and order a minimum of two starters, you will receive 30% off a lap dance at Dino's nightclub
02:09between the hours of 4am and 4.30am on any subsequent Wednesday,
02:16providing three or more magnums of house champagne were purchased without aforementioned meal.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22After a career-defining performance as serial killer Sidney King in the film Bitch Killer,
02:28the actor Randolph Kaya became something of a recluse, rarely giving interviews,
02:32so it was a coup and a half to have secured his appearance on this show.
02:36His sudden death came as a huge shock to the production team,
02:39especially as his statement of health form clearly said that he had no long-term degenerative illnesses.
02:44He had been paid well in advance for his services.
02:48I won't be getting that back unless I sue his estate,
02:52and my lawyers have informed me that will probably cost me as much as I'm able to claw back,
02:55even though, legally, I have been misled.
02:59Anyway, that's business and unimportant to me at present.
03:03Tonight, I wish simply to present a petty histoire of this remarkable actor
03:07who can never shake off the stigma of his most famous role.
03:10My name is Sidney King.
03:13I hate a lot of things.
03:16Fruits, colours, and above all, women.
03:21Goodbye, mother!
03:23Goodbye!
03:34Bitch Killer.
03:40I just get these terrible headaches.
03:50Bitch Killer.
03:52The dirtiest, nastiest, sexiest film you'll see all year.
03:55Coming soon.
03:56God, that film makes me horny.
03:59Every time.
04:01And by the way, that was me in my celebrated role as Rudy Ray Curtis,
04:04the Mile End Mac Daddy.
04:06But now, to discuss Randall's role in that film,
04:09please welcome the author of the piece,
04:11Romford's one-man fear factory, Mr Garth Marenghi.
04:26Can I just say, it's a sad day for the genre.
04:29Randall's flame burned brightly for the briefest of wiles,
04:32and there ain't too many flames like that left.
04:33Thanks for coming at such short notice.
04:37That's fine.
04:37Here's my taxi receipt.
04:40Leave that with me.
04:41Incidentally, for those who are interested,
04:43the DVD of Bitch hits the stores finally next month.
04:47It's actually not a bad time for Randall's to go,
04:50because it does at least give us a decent press angle.
04:52And journos are less likely to stick the boot in while he's still warm.
04:57It wasn't a film that was kindly received, was it?
05:00Look, when I wrote the film, I was very young, I was very angry.
05:04At that stage, I hadn't actually met a woman.
05:08Since then, I've met several, and, you know, they're not bad.
05:11But the point is, the critics hated it.
05:14I mean, I think they missed the poetry of the piece.
05:16And, er, I think they hated Randall more, though.
05:19I mean, they really tore him apart.
05:21Sure.
05:21And, ironically, no-one hated that film more than Randall.
05:24I mean, he even tried to walk off the film.
05:25But I remember saying to him, I warned him, I said,
05:27this business is a jungle, and if you start breaking contracts,
05:31the lions will eat you.
05:33Or shoot you in your bed as you sleep.
05:35Anyway, let's have a look at what Randall himself had to say, post-bitch.
05:41You're odd-looking, aren't you?
05:44Er, yes, I, yes, I suppose I am.
05:47And you always play these horrible characters.
05:51It's not, er, not really by choice.
05:54Um, as I say, that particular film is not one I'm personally proud of.
05:58Well, you oughtn't be as horrible.
05:59Um, I know.
06:01And I very much regret making it.
06:04But you did make it.
06:06There aren't many parts around for someone who looks like me, shall we say.
06:10It's a horrible film.
06:12I know.
06:13You're horrible in it, and I find it horrible looking at you right now.
06:16I wish I hadn't made it.
06:19Who is the real Randall Fkire?
06:22Someone who flashes at women who has no hope of wooing.
06:26No, I've never done that.
06:27But you have been tempted.
06:29No.
06:30You talk like a flasher.
06:32You're bold and uncamped.
06:33It looks like you've sold your trousers.
06:35Um, er, actually, very happily married.
06:38But for how long?
06:39Randall Fkire, thank you very much.
06:42I mean, it's so hard to believe that in that interview,
06:44Randall Fkire was just 22 years of age.
06:47And as you can see from that, you know,
06:48he was sullen, bad-tempered, self-pitying, difficult,
06:52and above all, disloyal.
06:53Um, I'm going to have to say I hated him.
06:55I'm probably the wrong person to be up here singing his praises, actually.
06:59He was a fine actor.
07:00I can sign out much.
07:01Well, I'm sure he'd appreciate that compliment.
07:03Garth Marenghi, thank you very much.
07:05Randall found it increasingly hard to find the roles he wanted.
07:10Desperate for money, he agreed to star in a bawdy comedy romp
07:13about a short-sighted vicar and his busty church organist
07:15called Pew What's a Scorcher.
07:19Test screenings, however, did not go well,
07:22and the decision was made to hire body doubles
07:23and insert several scenes of hardcore penetrative sex.
07:27As executive producer of that film,
07:31it's a move I bitterly regret.
07:33But my duty was with the public
07:35and not with Randolph or his family.
07:37The subsequent break-up of his marriage
07:39was something I hoped to discuss with him tonight.
07:41In fact, I was hoping I could make him break down a bit,
07:43thus showing he had a human side.
07:44But, alas and alack, he ain't coming back.
07:48With his ungodly looks,
07:50he understandably began to receive regular beatings in the street.
07:53Beatings that I regret watching, and...
07:57And, on occasion, cheering on.
08:04Indeed, Randolph's agent would often be called out
08:06in the middle of the night to retrieve him from skips.
08:10One man who knew him very well during the skip years
08:12was the actor Glyn Nimron.
08:14Glyn is currently recuperating in a Hawaiian hospital,
08:16having been set on fire during a previous episode of this show.
08:20And earlier today, we managed to link him up via satellite.
08:23Can you hear me?
08:25Glyn Nimron!
08:28Hello, Dean.
08:29Yes, I can hear you.
08:31And, uh, I've just heard the tragic news,
08:35and can I say sincerely how sad I am?
08:38He was like a flame in the night, burning brightly.
08:42Uh, there aren't too many flames like that left.
08:45What were your memories of...
08:46I have many memories of...
08:47Sorry.
08:48Sorry.
08:50What were your memories of Randolph?
08:51I have many memories of...
08:52Sorry.
08:53Sorry, I think there's a time delay.
08:55I think there's a time delay here, though.
08:56Yeah, I know that.
08:57That's what I just said.
08:58You probably figured that out...
08:59Yes.
09:01Can you just wait until you hear my next question?
09:03I'll just wait until I can hear...
09:04Sorry, Dean, I didn't catch you.
09:05Wait until you hear my next question.
09:14Sure.
09:15Okay.
09:17What were your memories of Randolph?
09:18Yes, I have many wonderful memories of Randolph.
09:24What are they?
09:27Well, the last time I worked with him
09:30was on a very, very funny comedy film
09:33called That Duck 5, Duck in the Hood.
09:36Was that the one with the Rastafarian duck?
09:39He was a funny duck.
09:40Quack, quack, yim on, pat me the back.
09:43Oh, he was good.
09:45Yes, yes, yes, that was the one.
09:49But you know what, Dean?
09:50Randolph did not like the script.
09:53Right.
09:53So I'm afraid to say,
09:54on that particular project,
09:56I had him fired.
09:57All right, well, we'll call it a day there, Glyn.
09:59Next week, can we...
10:00Yep.
10:01Call it a day.
10:02Sorry.
10:04Thank you, Dean.
10:06Glyn Nimron there.
10:08Unemployable, divorced,
10:09and growing uglier by the day,
10:11Randolph made a final bid for respectability
10:14in the made-for-television movie,
10:16Bross Roads,
10:16The Story of Bross.
10:18Two brothers joined in Love and Hate,
10:21in which he played the dueling sibling's irate father.
10:25What?
10:26You ungrateful louts.
10:28I've washed you,
10:29clothed you,
10:30put a roof over your heads,
10:32bought you that pair of drumsticks,
10:33bought you that microphone,
10:35and what do I get in return?
10:36Don't you dare disrespect me.
10:39You two owe me everything.
10:40I owe you nothing, yeah?
10:43Nothing at all.
10:46The film received terrible reviews,
10:48despite being, in my view,
10:50the best work of Randolph's career.
10:52Worse was to come, though.
10:53The next ten years would prove a painful story
10:55of loneliness,
10:56heartbreak,
10:57and alienation.
10:59Join us after the break.
11:02APPLAUSE
11:03Welcome back to Man to Man with Dean Lerner.
11:10We are talking tonight about,
11:11not with,
11:12the actor Randolph Kaya,
11:13who died yesterday morning at home
11:15on his Jack Jones.
11:17One man who knew this now-dead actor
11:20was former Formula 5 world champion Steve Pissing,
11:23who has very kindly agreed to join me on the horn.
11:26Can you hear me?
11:27Steve Pissing!
11:29Hello, Dean.
11:30Yes, I can hear you.
11:33And can I just say,
11:33it's terrible news about Randolph
11:35and that on the great racetrack of life,
11:37no-one left a bigger skid mark.
11:42Now, you and Randolph were next-door neighbours
11:44for a few years, weren't you?
11:45That's right, Dean.
11:47But for a shut-in,
11:48he was a noisy old so-and-so.
11:49So you didn't get on?
11:51I'm not saying we didn't get on.
11:52I'm not saying we did get on.
11:54What I am saying is,
11:56my wife Marie is a very light sleeper,
11:58so the sound of Randolph's sobbing self-pity
12:00coming through the walls
12:01at all hours of the early evening
12:03was something I felt required actioning,
12:05because Marie and I were trying for a baby,
12:08and frankly, she was so tense
12:09it was putting me off my stroke.
12:12I couldn't get a rhythm up at all, Dean.
12:14I tried putting on a drum machine
12:16through the MIDI hi-fi,
12:17but Randolph's wailing
12:18and endless self-recrimination
12:20meant more often than not
12:21I couldn't complete.
12:23Not even on boss and over.
12:26I said, Marie,
12:28nothing's going to come out
12:28till that man goes.
12:31So Marie hit on the idea
12:33of mental torture.
12:34I said, OK, yup,
12:36I'll give it a go.
12:37And after two years,
12:39he finally broke down and moved,
12:41which was a relief for all concerned.
12:43But then a Bulgarian family moved in
12:46and it was bloody accordion
12:47playing all night.
12:48I said, you've got to be joking me.
12:50I can't get up a stroke
12:51with this kind of balkan rhythm
12:52going on all the way over the night.
12:54Yeah, Steve, thanks.
12:55There were card bricks...
12:56All right, yeah, we've got to go.
12:57OK.
12:58OK, Dean, thank you.
12:59And can I say you're doing
13:00a wonderful job with the tribute
13:01and I'd like to wish you
13:02the very best of luck
13:03with the rest of it.
13:04Thank you very much,
13:05because no-one's actually
13:06taken the time out to say that.
13:08And it does take a loss out of me,
13:10shouldering this testimonial.
13:13In many ways,
13:14it's harder for the people
13:15who are left behind.
13:16I just hope if Randall's
13:18watching from up there,
13:19he appreciates all this hard work.
13:21Randall's work was not appreciated.
13:23Actually, you see,
13:24these links don't write themselves.
13:25It's all dovetailed together.
13:31Randall's work was not appreciated
13:33when he made a brief appearance
13:34on the long-running
13:35children's television show
13:36A Tale at Bedtime.
13:38Let's see for why.
13:39Hello.
13:52Today I'm going to tell you a story
13:54which I wrote for my own little boy, Charlie.
13:57And, Charlie, if you're watching,
13:59I hope you enjoy it.
14:01The house for nobody.
14:03Once upon a time in the forest
14:07there lived a woodcutter
14:09called Randall
14:09who spent all the days
14:11he had left
14:12chopping wood
14:13from a large old tree.
14:16Why do you keep chopping me?
14:18asked the tree one day
14:19when it realised
14:20it was close to death.
14:22Randall held his axe aloft
14:24but for once
14:25did not strike.
14:27I know you are building
14:28a house for your family,
14:30the tree continued,
14:31but how can you expect them
14:33to live in it
14:33when you don't know
14:34where they are.
14:35Those little beds
14:36for your children
14:37are old and useless.
14:39You're building a house
14:40for nobody.
14:43Randall sighed
14:44recalling that his family
14:45had indeed left him
14:47many, many years ago.
14:49I am the one friend
14:51you have left
14:52said the tree.
14:53If you kill me
14:54you will be completely alone.
14:58Wiping a tear
14:59from his eye
14:59Randall put down his axe
15:01and slump to the floor
15:03he began to feel
15:05very tired.
15:08Leaning back to rest
15:10against the tree
15:10he jumped up suddenly
15:12at an almighty cracking sound
15:14which shook
15:15the depths of the forest.
15:18Looking behind him
15:19his face grew long
15:21and sad.
15:23The tree was dead
15:25after all.
15:26Picking up his axe
15:29once more
15:30Randall began work
15:32on his house
15:33for nobody.
15:42By this stage
15:43Randall was persona
15:44non gratis
15:45but one person
15:46who did stand by him
15:47was celebrity psychic
15:48Amir Shanan
15:49who's very kindly rushed
15:50here straight from
15:50the set of his
15:51workout video
15:52to pay tribute.
15:53So please welcome
15:54Amir Shanan.
16:07Hello Dean.
16:08Hello Amir.
16:09Why the balloons?
16:11Because tonight
16:11Dean is a celebration.
16:13A celebration
16:14of greatness.
16:15A great man
16:16an okay actor
16:17and a great friend.
16:19Whenever I met
16:19with Randall
16:20I always took him
16:21some balloons.
16:22He loved balloons
16:24and I think
16:24if more people
16:25had given him balloons
16:26then maybe he'd still
16:27be here today
16:28holding my balloons.
16:29Sure
16:30but they are obscure
16:31in my close up.
16:32Can we get rid of them?
16:34Stu
16:34can we strike the balloonage?
16:36Just go and distribute
16:37these amongst the poor.
16:39Actually Amir
16:40do you mind
16:40if I pop one?
16:41Okay just one.
16:43Hey!
16:45Sorry.
16:46You know
16:48when Randall
16:49first came to me
16:50he was very depressed.
16:52Hey!
16:52Fine isn't it?
16:54Sorry we were
16:55talking about
16:56depression.
16:57A lot of people
16:58were saying
16:58very horrible
16:59things about him
17:00and I'm here tonight
17:02to show you
17:02that he was
17:03a good man.
17:04Okay?
17:05He was not a monster.
17:06He was not
17:07a child catcher
17:08and I tell you
17:09what I'm going to do.
17:09I am going to
17:10prove this tonight
17:11by speaking to him
17:12here and now.
17:14What?
17:15You do know
17:15he's dead
17:16don't you?
17:18Yes
17:18but I'm going
17:19to talk to him
17:20from beyond
17:20the grave.
17:22Okay
17:22Randolph
17:23the channel
17:24is open
17:24you can
17:25speak to us.
17:32Now.
17:37Randolph
17:38Okay
17:42screw you Randolph
17:43okay
17:44thanks a million
17:44I don't think.
17:46I have done
17:46so much for you
17:47and this is how
17:48you treat me.
17:49I have held
17:49your hand
17:50caressed you
17:51in the dark
17:51boosted your confidence
17:53solved your odor
17:54problems by giving you
17:55my Amir's
17:56hello motivation
17:57goodbye perspiration
17:58mind kit
17:59for the reduced price
18:00of 12 pounds 95
18:01and in return
18:02you make me look
18:03like an ass handler
18:04on national TV
18:05so I retract
18:06all the good things
18:08I have said about you
18:08you are bald
18:09you are ugly
18:10and you do
18:11smell like a zoo animal.
18:14Thanks very much Amir.
18:15Thank you Dean.
18:17Now some years back
18:19I was asked to take part
18:20in a television documentary
18:21series about successful
18:22businessmen working
18:23in the entertainment industry
18:25and it is an industry.
18:27However
18:27to my chagrin
18:28the journalist
18:29revealed herself
18:29to be a rather pushy
18:30opinionated
18:31documentarian
18:32who took issue
18:33with my lifestyle
18:34and the sexual freedoms
18:35I have enjoyed
18:35throughout my life
18:36and indeed
18:37continue to enjoy
18:38on a thrice nightly basis.
18:41The doc
18:42was very damaging
18:42to me on a personal level
18:44and I wouldn't play it again
18:45but for the fact
18:45that it contains
18:46the last known footage
18:47of Randolph Kaya
18:48but as you watch it
18:49remember to ignore
18:50the narrator's
18:50asinine comments
18:51because she obviously
18:53had her own agenda
18:54and if there's one thing
18:55I can't stand
18:55it's people
18:56who sit in judgment
18:57over others.
18:59Today
18:59Dean is organising
19:00a celebrity fundraiser
19:01to promote awareness
19:02of sexual health.
19:04Dean is calling the event
19:05a crab ball
19:06and holds a meeting
19:07to discuss his plans.
19:10This is the invite.
19:13Take one
19:13pass it on.
19:16Yes.
19:18I like it.
19:20I think it's a very
19:21striking image
19:21but what it doesn't say
19:22for me at the moment
19:23is that there definitely
19:24will be pole dancing.
19:26There was one thing
19:26I actually wanted
19:27to discuss with you.
19:29Yes.
19:29That was the inclusion
19:31of the anal swabs
19:34and condoms
19:36in the seafood gift bag.
19:38I was wondering
19:39if it might be possible
19:40to have a separate gift bag
19:41for perhaps the seafood.
19:43There's no sexually
19:44transmitted disease
19:45in the gift bag.
19:47I think all Graham's
19:48voicing is the concern
19:50that perhaps celebrities
19:51are quite specific
19:52about what they want
19:52to be associated with.
19:53That's what they're called.
19:54I think it's just
19:55because it's not
19:55a life-threatening disease.
19:57It's an irritant though.
19:58It's very uncomfortable.
19:59I don't know if you've had it
20:00but you'll know about it
20:01if you do.
20:01I think that's a little rude
20:02to ask actually maybe.
20:03It wasn't a question.
20:04I said I don't know
20:05if you've had it.
20:06No and why would you?
20:07And I think just to say
20:09that celebrities have...
20:10Well I might have heard
20:11on the grapevine
20:13it gets round.
20:14I don't think you're going
20:15to get the kind of people
20:16that you want
20:17to turn up
20:18to an STD party.
20:19It's a crab ball, Vicky.
20:21Well he's got it.
20:22He's got it.
20:23She's got it.
20:24He's had it.
20:24Those who have got it.
20:26And if those who have got it
20:27everyone from here
20:28to here
20:32will have it.
20:33I know that as a fact
20:35so I expect
20:36a full plate
20:37of RSVPs.
20:40With respect Dean
20:41I just feel that...
20:41You keep saying
20:42with respect
20:43but I don't get any respects
20:44Graham.
20:45You're a fucking
20:45seafood platter designer.
20:47So don't twist my words
20:48Graham.
20:48I'm not up in fucking court.
20:50That's next week.
20:51I'll sort this out myself.
20:52Get out.
20:53Yeah.
20:54Cancel their car.
20:58There's not much
20:59of a turn out.
20:59You said Dean.
21:00No give it time.
21:01Give it time.
21:02All right Spence.
21:08And the problem is
21:09at this rate
21:09it looks like we're going
21:10to have to invoice
21:11the charity.
21:12One celebrity did turn up
21:13but this particular visitor
21:15wasn't on the guest list.
21:17Oh hello Randolph.
21:18How are you?
21:20You didn't RSVP.
21:21What's my face doing
21:22on these posters?
21:23In accordance with his wishes
21:24we kept our camera off
21:25Randolph as much as possible.
21:27The whole idea of it
21:28is that you look
21:30like the kind of person
21:31who might have crabs
21:33but you don't.
21:34Get off.
21:35I paid the photographer.
21:37I own the image.
21:37You touch me one more time.
21:39I will call the police.
21:40Touch him Lewis.
21:41There we go.
21:41Randolph you're embarrassing
21:43yourself.
21:43It's not assault Randolph.
21:45Take it down Dean.
21:46It's law for restraint.
21:47Randolph is this about money?
21:48Is this about money Randolph?
21:50Because this is sordid.
21:52What do you want?
21:5280?
21:53All right.
21:53I'll make it a ton.
21:54Ton 20.
21:55Ton 20.
21:56Ton 4.
21:57What about ton 60?
21:58And ton 80?
22:00And two ton?
22:01What about that?
22:03Why don't you take it
22:03and just get out?
22:05He's crying.
22:06It's made him cry.
22:07It's not made him cry.
22:10Well he is crying.
22:13Here come the waterworks.
22:16Here it comes.
22:17Here comes the rain.
22:19I'm trying to have a fun
22:20evening Randolph.
22:23I've got seafood.
22:25Maxine's here.
22:26Satu's here.
22:27We're having a party.
22:29Pick him up and get rid of him.
22:31He's a funny one isn't he?
22:32You can't genuinely think
22:34oh I'm a handsome man.
22:35He's raving.
22:36He's mad.
22:37He's but ugly am I wrong?
22:39Very ugly.
22:39He's very ugly.
22:41Glad you could give him money.
22:42Well I just thought he could
22:43do with a few quid.
22:44He looked brassy.
22:46Out of the goodness of my heart.
22:48You know.
22:49It's like I always give you know.
22:51See.
22:52There you go.
22:53There you go.
22:56There you go.
22:58You know.
22:59I give people money all the time.
23:00It's not a big deal.
23:02Lewis.
23:03Don't break him.
23:06Give us a call Randolph.
23:08We'll sort this out
23:09because I don't want this
23:10to end like this.
23:13Alright.
23:13I guess to sum up Randolph was a great talent
23:23whose ego simply got the better of him.
23:25Like Icarus he flew straight into the moon.
23:29It's a lesson to us all
23:30and if we can learn anything from his death
23:31it's to stay in the box society puts you in.
23:34If only he'd made Bitch Killer 2 as instructed
23:36perhaps his life wouldn't have been such a wasted journey.
23:40All that remains for me to do
23:42is to thank all of my super guests
23:43for talking to me man to man
23:45and to thank you very much for watching.
23:47Thank you very much.
23:49And we'll play out now
23:50on one of my favourite moments
23:52from Randolph's rich oeuvre.
23:53Come on you bitch!
24:11Thank you very much!
Recommended
23:27
|
Up next
27:31
27:58
8:09
27:39
28:42
29:16
51:31
29:44