- 5/9/2025
Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 19 Motivational Seminar
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00:00I have no idea if a monkey could beat a squitter or a kangaroo in a knife fight.
00:06But if I admitted that, we'd have nothing to do for the rest of the day.
00:10Monkey!
00:30A motivation seminar for the whole weekend.
00:58Can you believe this?
01:00Like I need motivation.
01:02And they just told you about it today?
01:04They claim it was in some memo they sent me three months ago.
01:08So now suddenly my job includes weekend seminars and memo reading.
01:13Can they really force you to go?
01:14Lois, they can make you do anything.
01:17Once you sign up for a job in this country, you give away the whole kit and caboodle.
01:20Our weekends, our house, our kids.
01:23We don't own any of it.
01:26Okay, everybody, dinner.
01:27This is all just an exercise to remind the little man who's boss.
01:32They're just trying to motivate me to keep me in my place.
01:35To kill any dreams I might have of ever digging my way out.
01:40Oh, my God.
01:41It starts at nine?
01:43Sorry, I forgot how late it was.
01:47Why are your fingernails clean?
01:49Did you clean your fingernails?
01:51I thought I'd try it and it turns out I like it.
01:53It makes me feel good about myself.
01:55Well, that's enough of that.
01:56It's time for dinner.
01:57What a damn pack of dogs is in the garbage again.
02:05Go away, scat.
02:07You know why they like our trash?
02:09It's Jamie's dirty diapers.
02:11If he digested his food a little better, there wouldn't be so much for them to eat in there.
02:16Filthy, disgusting animals.
02:18You know, Mom, if you double back the trash, the dogs might not be able to smell it.
02:26Uh-oh.
02:27Reese just made the classic mistake of expressing an interest in something that Mom said.
02:32All right, Reese.
02:33Since you're so full of good ideas,
02:35why don't you be in charge of cleaning up the garbage from now on?
02:39If he just shuts up now, it might not get any worse.
02:42I don't see why it matters if some dogs dump a little garbage on a lawn.
02:46The backyard's a mess already.
02:47Oh, this is hard to watch.
03:01Get lost.
03:02Get out of here.
03:05Did you come back to laugh at me?
03:07You think you're so smart?
03:09I am a human being.
03:10I am probably smarter than the smartest dog that's ever lived.
03:14Now, shoo.
03:15Shoo.
03:19I've got a gun.
03:20You make one step and you're not getting it.
03:26Go away!
03:30Hey!
03:31This is mine!
03:32Give it back!
03:37Woo!
03:40Reese, where have you been all night?
03:48I started chasing these dogs, and it turned out they're really cool.
03:52We went to the park, and then we found a tennis ball.
03:55And I took it from Toffee, and then Toffee took it from me and gave it to Rusty.
03:59And then we drank some water, and then we turned over some trash cans.
04:02Then Lucky did this hilarious thing where he rubs his butt on the ground.
04:06I can't do it.
04:07So then we chased this cat that was all like, ah!
04:10Stupid cat.
04:11Then we stopped at 7-Eleven, and I went inside and had a Coke while they had some burritos
04:15at the dumpster.
04:17Spike ate his twice!
04:18Wait a minute.
04:20You spent the night in a dog pack?
04:22Yeah, so then there was these squirrels who were all like, we're up in a tree!
04:25You'll never get us!
04:26You're talking about them like they're friends.
04:29They're just animals.
04:30Well, I'm sorry that we're not like your friends sitting around all intellectual,
04:34disgusting multiplication.
04:38You can't get into bed like that.
04:39You stink.
04:40Hey, I got checked out pretty thoroughly in that department.
04:43I didn't hear any complaints.
04:44Every one of you is here because you're successful!
04:55Successful at letting yourself down!
04:58Nobody's better at settling, making excuses, shortchanging yourself and those who count on
05:06you.
05:07Congratulations!
05:14You all got here the exact same way, one step at a time.
05:23Postpone that dream.
05:25Reduce that goal.
05:27Just another year.
05:29Just another cookie.
05:32Now you tell yourself, it's good enough.
05:36It's not good enough!
05:38You think you can't help it, but you can!
05:40I'm going to tear away the nonsense, the dime store philosophies, the catchphrases, and
05:47bring out your inner viking!
05:52Scott Porter?
05:54It says here you'd rather not talk about your recent divorce.
05:58Sorry, I missed lunch.
06:07I was at the library and I forgot to look at the clock.
06:09Do you think I'm an idiot?
06:11Huh?
06:13Do you think I don't know where you've been?
06:16What do you mean?
06:17You think I wouldn't recognize the signs?
06:20Clean fingernails, good posture, cookie crumbs in your pockets.
06:24You're never hungry at dinner time.
06:27You're seeing another mom.
06:30I don't know what you're talking about.
06:32Don't lie to me!
06:36It's not what you think!
06:37Who is she?
06:38Why does that matter?
06:39Who is she?
06:43Mrs. Finnegan.
06:45It doesn't mean anything.
06:47A couple weeks ago, I stopped by her house and she had her iron out.
06:51She was just so nice.
06:53And there was cake!
06:56That'll be a long time before you get any cake around here.
06:59I wasn't expecting any.
07:01After everything I've sacrificed for you, all I've done,
07:05you come waltzing in here day after day,
07:07reeking of her fabric softener!
07:10Yes!
07:11I like fabric softener!
07:13Mrs. Finnegan doesn't mind taking a little time to stop the rinse cycle.
07:17And maybe it's nice to have someone who's got more to say to me than just
07:20clean your room, comb your hair,
07:22da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da.
07:26Do you love her?
07:29Of course not.
07:31It's just snacks.
07:33Oh, you like her snacks?
07:35You like filling up on her cookies.
07:40You know they're store-bought.
07:43That's beneath you, Mom.
07:44Doesn't feel good, does it?
07:54Well, you're not here to feel good.
07:56You're here to face the lies you tell yourself.
08:02You can stop.
08:04I think I'm at bottom now.
08:06You're not at bottom.
08:08I'll tell you when you're at bottom.
08:10You think you're fooling anybody with those vertical stripes?
08:13What are you, 30 pounds overweight?
08:15You might as well be a thousand pounds overweight.
08:19Is anyone in this room attracted to her?
08:22You want to know what you have to do, Angela?
08:36Oh, jeez.
08:47Really?
08:48I gotta go.
08:49I don't know.
09:02Oh, no, no.
09:32Angela?
09:42What do I do?
09:45Hey, come on.
09:49You know.
09:50Yes.
09:53You're right.
09:58I do know.
10:02Of course I know.
10:06Thank you!
10:10Oh, can you do me?
10:20Oh, who am I kidding?
10:36Guys, I need a night off. I've been out with you every night this week.
10:52They really want me to come.
10:56Reese, this is crazy.
10:59What could you possibly be getting out of this?
11:01You don't know how good it feels.
11:03You know where you stand with these guys.
11:06I've got Toffee and Jonesy under me, but I'm under Duke Chewy and Spike.
11:11Scout tried to cross the highway yesterday, so I moved up.
11:14And Lucky's totally the boss.
11:16There's no phonies.
11:17You know what a growl means and you know what a lick means.
11:20You're kidding yourself.
11:22You're not one of them.
11:24You're just jealous because I'm popular.
11:26Morning.
11:27Hi, honey.
11:28How was the seminar?
11:29Un-freaking-lievable.
11:30I haven't slept in 48 hours.
11:31The Viking guy had to leave suddenly, so I stepped in and started talking to people about
11:42their lives.
11:43And honey, I've got to tell you, I have wisdom.
11:47Nobody was more surprised than me, but I did so well, they have me leading motivational
11:52seminars for the next eight weekends.
11:54Wow.
11:55This is the beginning of something, Lois.
11:57The bosses are seeing me in a whole new light.
12:00Did they cross you off the probation list?
12:02In ink.
12:04Morning, son.
12:05Hi, Dad.
12:07Thanks, Mom.
12:09I called Mrs. Finnegan.
12:11You what?
12:12She knows I know.
12:14You're never seeing her again.
12:17I can't believe you told her we had an understanding.
12:23Morning.
12:24Reese, I need you to put your dirty clothes in the havard before you leave this morning.
12:28I already did it, Mom.
12:29You did?
12:30Why?
12:31I feel bad I haven't always pulled my weight around here.
12:34I mean, you're the leader.
12:35It's my place to respect you.
12:37Well, thank you, Reese.
12:43Hey.
12:44Good morning, Malcolm.
12:45There's money on the counter for your yearbook.
12:47I want to buy a yearbook.
12:48I don't want anything that will remind me I ever went to that stupid school.
12:51How can you say that?
12:53Being a part of a group is important.
12:55Don't you care about loyalty?
12:57I think loyalty is the most important thing there is.
12:59Well, I'm glad at least one of my sons knows something about that.
13:03Hey!
13:04What are you doing here?
13:05This isn't your house.
13:06You don't live here.
13:07We live here.
13:08This is our house.
13:09What do you want?
13:10Huh?
13:11What?
13:12What?
13:13What?
13:14What?
13:15What?
13:16What?
13:17What?
13:18What?
13:19What?
13:20What?
13:21What?
13:22What?
13:23What?
13:24What?
13:25What?
13:26What?
13:27What?
13:28What?
13:29What?
13:30You'll have to climb the ladder of achievement one rung at a time.
13:36You'll never reach the top if you don't start climbing.
13:40And when you reach the top, you realize that the journey never ends.
13:46Excuse me?
13:49Wow.
13:50What?
13:51What?
13:52What?
13:53What?
13:54What?
13:55Because at the top of the ladder, there's a car.
14:02The question is, will you be driving or just a passenger?
14:08Whenever you let somebody else drive, well, he might have errands to do.
14:13Where do you think he might stop?
14:19The dry cleaners?
14:21Very good.
14:24Where else?
14:26Drugstore?
14:27Yes.
14:30Where else?
14:31Tim?
14:33There's a place you can go to have your shoes treated so they won't develop a smell over time.
14:38Excellent.
14:41Okay, now.
14:44What does all this mean?
14:54It means nothing.
15:01It means nothing!
15:04This is what happens when you let somebody else drive the car.
15:08You've all got to be the drivers of your own car.
15:15And what do you do if the gas gauge says your tank is empty?
15:18Stop at a gas station?
15:20No!
15:21You keep driving!
15:23You don't let anything stop you.
15:26Let me hear some vroom!
15:28Vroom!
15:29You know!
15:30You know!
15:32Excuse me, Hal.
15:34I need to have a bathroom break.
15:36Need?
15:37Or want?
15:39I'd say need, Hal.
15:42I really have to go to the bathroom.
15:44So this is something none of us feel we can overcome?
15:51This has us beat.
15:53Well then, we can put our work here aside and all go to the bathroom.
15:57Only there's no bathroom in the car!
16:06Hey, Mom.
16:07Here's your lunch.
16:09Mmm, meatloaf sandwich.
16:12Oh, morning, dear!
16:21Mwah!
16:22Oh, honey, it feels so good to be helping people take control of their lives.
16:27Milton, in accounting, called me from the Motel 6 this morning.
16:31He had to leave his wife and kids.
16:33But as soon as the Ice Capades reads his script, he's moving the whole family to New York.
16:38What are you doing?
16:39Oh, I keep trying and trying to get Jamie to use the potty, but he keeps refusing.
16:43Those stupid parenting books say to put stickers all over it and make it a happy place, so I figured why not?
16:49I obviously don't know anything about raising children.
16:54Damn it!
16:56What's wrong with these boys?
16:58Honey, let me handle this.
17:00You are a superstar!
17:01You're not afraid of this potty!
17:02This potty is afraid of you!
17:03You have to visualize your success!
17:04Now, let's look at the five lies you tell yourself that prevent you from being all that you can be!
17:21Oh, hell!
17:31Reese, where have you been?
17:36Why weren't you in school today?
17:38A pack from another neighborhood was sniffing around trying to move into our territory,
17:42meaning the boys had a score to settle.
17:44You were out fighting with dogs?
17:47What is wrong with you?
17:49Is that a bite mark on your leg?
17:51This little crazy guy went to toffee!
17:53Oh, man!
17:54Then you and Angel went down!
17:56So we brought down a couple of bears!
17:58Tip for tap, baby!
18:00Oh, we're gonna sell this no matter what it costs!
18:05It's gonna go on and on to the bitter end!
18:22They need me!
18:28120, 140, 160, 180.
18:33That'll have to do.
18:35I'm giving you a good deal, kid.
18:37I didn't get in this business so I could rip off little children.
18:43Hey, you need a gun?
18:48Let's hear from some more who aren't afraid!
18:52I'm gonna be vice president in two years!
18:56Hey, come on!
18:58He knows!
19:00I'm gonna get out of debt!
19:02Yeah!
19:04Hey, he knows!
19:06I'm gonna have sex with a member of every race!
19:11All right!
19:13All right!
19:14Now, let's see who's next up.
19:17Jerry, is there a Jerry Morrison in the house?
19:21Oh, Jerry, it says here that you turned down a promotion four times.
19:27Four times!
19:29Lady Luck smiles, but you give her the old stink eye, Jerry.
19:33What's going on?
19:34I guess I'm just frightened.
19:36I mean, I'm good at what I do now, and if I start trying to move up the ladder, I'll probably let everyone else down.
19:44Jerry, did you know that Michael Jordan didn't even see a basketball until he was 30 years old?
19:53What?
19:54No, no, I didn't know that.
19:57Who tied your tie this morning, Jerry?
20:00I did?
20:01Somebody just came in, pulled up your pants, shaved your face, combed back that lovely head of hair?
20:06No, I did it all myself.
20:08You did it all by yourself!
20:13You were in charge this morning, Jerry, but somehow, when you walked out that door, you let the world take over.
20:21Why did you do that?
20:23I don't know.
20:24Well, I do know, Jerry.
20:29It's because you denied the giant that's inside you!
20:35You two, get down on your hands and knees.
20:38I actually have a bad back.
20:40Is that your back talking or your mind?
20:44I see, it's my doctor.
20:46Or your doctor's mind.
20:47You tell your back, it takes orders from you now.
20:58Climb on top, Jerry.
21:00What?
21:01Climb on top like the giant you are!
21:06Okay.
21:10I think my back is...
21:11A bridge of steel!
21:12How does it feel, Giant Jerry?
21:15Tall.
21:17Huh?
21:19Damn tall!
21:21All your life, you've been letting people call the shots for you.
21:24Well, no more!
21:26Today is the day!
21:27You're a giant, Giant Jerry!
21:32The world looks better from up here!
21:35You bet it does!
21:36And that's where you live now!
21:38So what are you going to do, Giant Jerry?
21:42I'm gonna take that promotion, and I'm gonna become head of systems management!
21:47I'm in systems management!
21:48Damn right you are!
21:49And I'm gonna take you off these seminars, and I'm gonna put you on my team full time!
22:03And I'm gonna work that department, and I'm gonna work it until it's the strongest one in the whole company!
22:09And I'm gonna push my workers until they've given me everything that they've got!
22:15And then they can all say goodbye to their families, cause I'm driving straight to the top!
22:20Man!
22:21That was amazing!
22:22They won't be leaving any more messages on our side of the park!
22:23Where are we going now, Lucky?
22:24Huh?
22:25Lucky, where are you leading us?
22:26Lucky, where are you leading us?
22:27Really?
22:28Man, that was amazing!
22:39They won't be leaving any more messages on our side of the park.
22:43Where are we going now, Lucky?
22:44Lucky, huh?
22:49Lucky, where are you leading us?
22:56Really?
22:58You guys mean it?
23:08All right, I won't let you guys down.
23:11Let's roll!
23:19You found him in a chicken coop?
23:22Well, that's hard to know exactly what happened, ma'am.
23:25He and his friends appeared to have had themselves quite a little party.
23:29They just don't train you to handle a scene like that.
23:33The law's a little murky in this area, but when we figure out how to charge him,
23:38I'll be back.
23:39I never thought about how it would end.
23:52It just felt so cool to belong.
23:55The important thing is you're out.
23:57But my boys...
23:57They rounded us all up.
24:02Then these vets came in.
24:06And one by one, they'd kill them?
24:09No.
24:10But they're not my boys anymore.
24:17Mom?
24:18Dewey?
24:20I want to talk.
24:21I really don't feel up to that right now.
24:25I know I hurt you, and I'm very sorry.
24:29Thank you, Dewey.
24:30But words are cheap.
24:33I wanted to do something that would show you I'm committed to this relationship.
24:38I want you to know how much you mean to me.
24:41I want you to know that no one can take your place.
24:49I'm going back Tuesday.
24:51I passed out before they colored in the drop shadow.
24:55It's not that I don't appreciate you.
24:57We are going down to the hospital, and you're going to have that lasered off right there.
25:05Okay.
25:06I know you're trying to...
25:09But what is wrong with...
25:12Oh, I never imagined you'd be willing to...
25:18But that is so stupid.
25:21Oh, look.
25:23They made a heart.
25:27You were not who you're like, you know?
25:28You were like, what?
25:29I want you to love them.
25:29They didn't?
25:30Well, I need to be honest to you.
25:32Anyway, I'm sorry.
25:36I hate you.
25:37But what is wrong with a dog?
25:38Well, you don't know who was wrong today.
25:41But that was great for us.
25:43Yeah.
25:44I'm going out of that.
25:45I got you.
25:46That's good for you.
25:47But that's it.
25:47It's a pretty bad buy new ride.
25:49It's pretty bad.
25:52I know you can read it on show and subscribe.
25:54I know you sold them on show now.
25:54I'll wear it on my.
25:55Oh, my God.
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