Andy the Vampire

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy in Romania who lives his life as a vampire and the show imagines what it would be like if Andy became Count Greenbean.

Transcript

00:00ah there is this nut job in romania claiming to be a real life vampire looks like he's just like

00:11an 80s goth guy oh yeah yeah i like him i like him already i'll show you his pics in a second

00:17he lives on the grounds of bran castle in transylvania sweet he spends his days drinking

00:22the blood of volunteers people he calls his black swans and he meditates by laying down in a coffin

00:28that's where he says he connects with the souls of the dead

00:31huh here's this guy's uh

00:35yeah he's total 80s goth guy there he is there he almost looks like you're a magician man

00:44oh he does look like um so he like a christ angel remember the lost boys yeah he doesn't fulfill

00:52himself through sexual deviance like the modern vampires do ah he said that's not the way of

00:57the vampire what does he do um mainly drinks the blood of willing volunteers

01:02and meditates inside his coffin that's it i don't get being a vampire if you're not going to do all

01:09the cool sex stuff that's the only reason to become a vampire i mean literally it's the only reason i've

01:13ever been on the fence about it yeah you're thinking about becoming a vampire i thought about it i mean

01:18that's a lot of wild sex that's the number one reason wild vampire sex andy the vampire

01:24i'm like hey guys this is me now deal with it all right i'm doing wild things at night

01:31i'll just say this there's a certain percentage of girls out in the world

01:38that will have sex with you because you've dressed like a vampire and good morning

01:43lisa chuck dave andy something's different about you yeah i'm a vampire now oh is that it deal with

01:50it time's got tough yeah you went after the four percent of chicks that will bang a vampire

01:55exactly right that's it crazy crazy sex and your hair is super long now yeah yeah you let that go a

02:02little bit the ladies like it that's a long black jacket cape yeah you gotta i guess this is hot topic

02:08oh that's awesome isn't that cool would you do the nails no i wouldn't do the nails stop there i'd have

02:14some dignity about it black nails i would have an amulet okay of course a big ruby filled amulet yeah

02:20you'd have to would you drink blood i'd drink tomato juice yeah so you'd be like a half-ass

02:27i'd be a half-ass vampire super half-ass vampire the tomato juice you'd have to have your tums with

02:31you i would that's high acid you're right yeah i'm really good that's the vampires my vampire kit

02:37comes completely with tums you know because on account of my acid it's a vampire diet's real bad

02:46on the gutty works it is lisa's right the greens are an ulcery vampire clan

02:51yeah yeah would you have an accent or you're just gonna sound just like i'd just be me

02:57i'd just be me a little more pale maybe okay like some black lipstick

03:03a little white powder on your face yep well yeah you know coffin hey where you sleeping these days

03:11you guys have your hobbies all right i have mine listen dude i get it listen whenever there's these

03:18guys i don't really blame them because they're going after a niche market of chicks it's always

03:26this guy says it's not about sex but it's about sex yeah it is yeah no he says that's not what i know

03:34that's what he says but i guarantee he's having sex it's like i'm like there's my tums uh-huh i'm

03:41like there's my powder for my face there's a whole bunch of condoms yeah yeah just a stream of

03:49no vampire is complete without this lube yeah your vampire red lube red

03:54your laugh's different now i've noticed

04:02no it's not oh yeah you need to laugh like that though this is this is me now my god

04:09i dated a guy very briefly several years ago we were having sex uh unfortunately in the middle of it

04:14i got my period so embarrassed but he said oh don't worry i actually like that oh that's when he

04:21reached down no no nope she said i was speechless and left immediately yeah count green bean will be

04:29like whoa whoa whoa whoa time out time out time out you're a vampire

04:34we gotta stop lady that is um not my bag i know you're running me up too i need a i got the reflux

04:45vampire tums can't wait for the day that andy goes vampire that's why i'm grabbing my amulet and i'm

04:57getting out of here

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