Surviving in Home Depot

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an exorcism that took place in the lumber aisle of The Home Depot and Andy recalls how a trip to buy a safe ended up taking much longer than expected.

Transcript

00:00where would you if you were going to have an exorcism

00:07where would you hold it denny's denny's all right bold choice indeed yes i'm not sure many

00:17people would turn to denny's that's where i would do it i definitely wouldn't great place to do it

00:22breakfast while you're doing exactly definitely wouldn't turn to the home depot no the home depot

00:31no but you could probably find a place where no one would bug you in there

00:35yeah i guess yeah like anywhere around the carpet area

00:38the appliances i feel like if you'd be alone someone like barb's husband stumbled across

00:44this he'd be very confused oh i'm sure these freaks

00:48yeah stand back barb this guy's on drugs or something

00:56stand back barb that guy's a freaking nature look at the guy

01:03some kind of seance going on or some guy

01:07everyone grab hands i'm just looking for the guy to tell me where the doorknobs are i don't

01:13i don't know where the hell sir what aisle that the doorknobs are over there you work here you're

01:20yes i that's why we're having it here i happen to work yeah i just took my vest off for a second

01:25oh my god

01:26i think i might start going to lowes

01:30according to reports the exorcism was held for the trees that had been involuntarily turned into lumber

01:42oh boy i don't think they understand the basic

01:46that's not how that works that's not what those are for no that's like a tree hugger

01:53yes weird it's not like a seance or something it's like uh these hippies watched a conjuring or

02:00something i don't know what the hell happened there if we don't do something then the trees will come

02:05back i need to release the spirits of the trees

02:08release the spirit of the tree

02:12it'd be a wild thing to just stumble upon yes it would you're looking for lumber every once in a

02:23while yeah i thought maybe they were praying to get the prices to go down but uh you know lumber

02:29prices actually are going down yeah i know crazy day in the home depot yeah i mean at least

02:38at least workers found them there because i've been in the lumber area and i've not seen a soul

02:44so i've been through the whole store i don't have to go there a lot but i did have to buy something

02:48there one time and i had i was trying to find somebody to find out where like safes were

02:52yeah and it did took by the end of it i had like my shirt tied around my head

02:57and my pants were ripped and i had like turned into survivor i had to like fashion a walking stick

03:03by the end

03:06i know

03:11it took a while huh

03:13it actually talked to somebody had a cloudy eye

03:16yeah andy are you how's it going over there in the uh trying to find safes

03:21how's it going in the home depot

03:23i've been living uh

03:24excuse me

03:26i've been surviving off of eating nails

03:31listen uh

03:33sir you can't eat those nails

03:34i've been looking for a home depot employee for three years

03:37as you can see my pants are torn

03:40and i've pooped them

03:42so please sir just tell me what aisle the safes are in

03:47i've been living

03:49sir sir can i can i help you

03:53yes

03:53oh wait i gotta go on my

03:55no

03:58that's happened so many times to him

04:03yep that's how it goes

04:04did you ever find the safe

04:07i did it took like forever though

04:09finally yeah

04:10and the ironical part of it lease

04:13was that they were in the first aisle i started in

04:16yep

04:18god my life is a joke

04:20man

04:23oh goodness

04:24yep that's all good

04:25someone said

04:26at the end of it andy looked like robin williams from jumanji

04:29i did

04:29like what year is it

04:30he was in home depot for the whole pandemic

04:34they catch me marking the days

04:37yeah yeah

04:38sir stop writing on our displays

04:41that's the only way i can tell time in here

04:42i don't know what year it is anymore

04:44have you been helped yet

04:46no

04:47oh sorry hold on i just got a phone call

04:49i gotta go

04:50fireproof safes

04:51oh where are you going

04:52come on man

04:53sorry i got a call from the

04:54oh my god

04:55from the wood

04:55oh

04:56there you are

04:57i hear they're having an exorcism over in the lumber department

05:00you better get there

05:01yes yeah i gotta break up an exorcism again

05:04right

05:04bunch of hippies

05:05sitting there warming myself by a fire i made in one of the aisles

05:08sir did you like that fire

05:10yeah i've been trying to find somebody for four years

05:12have you paid for that wood

05:13no not yet because i need to find something else

05:16i came here for a safe four years ago

05:18oh hold on i've just been called to the gardening section

05:21i got

05:21i'll let someone know

05:23they'll come here immediately and help you

05:25oh my god

05:26i'm gonna talk on this fake walkie talkie real quick

05:31you know someone here that i need some stuff

05:33all right they're coming

05:38all right

05:38i broke my leg uh climbing one of the things to get a safe

05:42i need something for splints

05:44did that safe fall on you

05:46yes

05:47yes it did

05:48it was in the first aisle

05:49oh my god

05:50why do you have a torch

05:51because it gets dark in here when they close

05:53i can't find my way out of here

05:55a torch

05:56that's the only thing i could do

05:58there was no like light switches

06:00nothing

06:01to be honest

06:03we all thought you worked here

06:05no

06:06no i've been living here

06:08i thought you were a manager

06:10came here five years ago

06:12looking for a safe

06:14a fireproof safe

06:15to keep my emergency silver in

06:17that's true

06:22yeah that's the truth

06:23that's why that is the truth

06:24that's why i laughed

06:26that's why it's 100% true

06:27yeah

06:28uh my emergency safe

06:30five years later

06:32the price of silver was through the roof

06:35but someone had taken it by the time he got back home

06:39i have $40 worth of silver i need to protect

06:41they can't have people stealing that

06:44$40 worth of emergency survival silver

06:49that silver was going to get him across the country

06:52it was supposed to get him

06:54to where there's medicine

06:55silver needed to get him to his father

06:59that's right

07:00i need to see my dad

07:02and all i have is this stupid silver

07:06by the time he saw his father

07:08his dad had killed an entire city

07:10that's right

07:11and he was the king of a small band of

07:14yeah my dad's a warlord

07:15yeah

07:16oh my god

07:18yeah

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