- yesterday
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00:00This is around the time you tried to kill me.
00:16This was normal.
00:18Sitting in a chair, cleaning his guns, drinking his beer, smoking his cigarettes.
00:25Normal.
00:28That was his routine.
00:30And you better not interrupt it.
00:33The fact that he could take a gun and point it at his child.
00:41I really believe he tried to end my life that day.
00:47There's no love.
00:49There's just nothing there.
00:50My relationship with my father wasn't a loving relationship.
01:05There are several times that I would feel like a doom come over me.
01:10And you're like, you know, right before storms, how the weather changes and you feel it's changing.
01:16It's the same thing with his personality.
01:18You could feel the storm coming.
01:22And I begged.
01:23I always begged.
01:24I was always, please, please.
01:26Mom, something's going to happen to you.
01:28Mom, you're going to die one day.
01:29Please.
01:30And then she's like, just, just hush.
01:33Just, just hush.
01:36She don't believe me.
01:37Mom, you're going to die one day.
01:42You're going to die.
01:44Let's go.
01:47I don't know.
01:52I don't know.
01:53I don't know.
01:57I don't know.
01:59You're going to die.
01:59You're going to die.
02:00It won't be obvious.
02:01Let's just hemos πά pouco.
02:01She's going to die.
02:02so i was born in miami florida dade county i was born two months early and i ended up staying in
02:26the hospital for two months in an incubator um to survive which of course survive
02:34i'm here for a purpose and i'm not going anywhere
02:41my mother was beautiful beautiful woman especially when she smiled there would be moments that i clung
02:48to growing up that we would be blaring the music and dancing together and doing the bump
02:55i remember those times i had with her those good moments and i tried to cling on to them most of
03:01most of the time my father his name was wayne i have one memory of my dad actually that is actually
03:08a good memory he took us to the fair and he won me a teddy bear and i was the happiest kid on earth
03:15because my dad won me a teddy bear and i'm just smiling i'm so happy i've got a teddy bear with my
03:21dad of course that was short-lived
03:30he was the type of person that if he wasn't happy nobody was going to be happy
03:33and if you were happy he was going to do everything he could to destroy you and take that grin off your
03:41face to take that joy away from you
03:54growing up there has not been a time that i could remember that i wasn't
04:09scared of my father when i was young i was little girl still and i came home one day
04:19and he was sitting on the chair and he had his knife and he was working the belt
04:25and i'm like what are you doing he goes this is to beat your butt with
04:31this is to make you and your mother listen better
04:37they call it cat of nine tails because it's like a tail and there's a bunch of tails at
04:45the end of it so when you got hit the tassels would fail and then you would get hit with
04:50that knot i didn't know what to think at the time other than that's gonna hurt whenever
05:00i got spanked by my father i would be kept out of school until the bruises went away so
05:05i missed a lot of school
05:14this is toby my little baby you can see the love you can see how attentive he is of me
05:22he's paying attention to what i'm doing and i'm like that's my boy i'm looking at my boy
05:29it was the first time i had something give me that love back toby would follow me everywhere
05:37i went he never left my side so one day i was out in the front yard and um we're you know
05:47playing like we normally do and i hear the door just slam open
05:51and i turn and i look and my dad's just standing in the doorway with
05:57his cat of nine tails in his in his hand
06:00and he's just you can see in his face that he's angry and i'm like oh gosh what happened
06:06then and he came after me
06:09and he grabbed me by my arm
06:12and um when he went to swing the belt to hit me the dog grabbed it and took off with it
06:23and my father's get back here i'm trying to get him to come back and that dog did not come out of
06:33hiding he sensed the evil he sensed the anger that my father had at that time and he didn't come home
06:41that night and he stayed hidden all night
06:44next morning i woke up i get up i'm calling him and he's not there and where's my baby you know where's
06:55my baby
06:55so my mom and my dad were in the kitchen and she's like
07:01wayne do you know what happened to toby
07:06and he goes he won't be back here anymore
07:09i'd be surprised he ever comes back around
07:13and then sitting on my school desk is the cat of nine tails
07:17and i'm like
07:21how'd that get here
07:23i knew
07:26something bad happened
07:27and i just feel like my father found him
07:33and got his cat of nine tails back and took it out on the dog instead of me
07:38and i feel so
07:41hurt for that poor dog
07:43for rescuing me and then taking it
07:45it's not fair
07:47it's not fair at all
07:49i feel like my father left that kind of nine tails on my desk to show me that
07:56nothing's going to stop him from doing what he wants to do
08:01my parents when i was growing up they were they were always at each other constant at each other
08:27anytime they were together it was something they were arguing about
08:32one day we were home
08:34and they started arguing
08:36and it got pretty bad
08:39he was shoving her around and getting violent
08:41she grabbed me and we ran into the bathroom
08:44she was afraid if she ran away
08:50that i would be the next target
08:52so she took me too
08:54when we ran there he's
08:58pulling that doorknob
09:00pounding on the door
09:01saying open this door
09:04you know
09:05don't make me break this door down
09:07open the door
09:09and he's just going off
09:11and you could
09:12you could
09:13you could feel
09:14the frame
09:15you know vibrating
09:16open this door
09:18we were looking at each other
09:20and she's like
09:21he's going to knock the door down
09:22he's going to get in here
09:23so that's when she decided to go out the window
09:25so i see him coming
09:31and you can see the anger
09:33and the hate
09:33and you know what's coming
09:36he just comes running out the front of the house
09:42after us
09:43you know
09:43you know towards the car
09:44hey
09:45and just so happened
09:48he had an axe
09:51and he's screaming
09:54you know
09:55get out of my effing car
09:57you know that's my car
09:59and where do you think you're going
10:01hurry
10:03i'm petrified of
10:06what he's going to do with that axe
10:08he was on a mission
10:10seeing him with that axe
10:12was
10:12really scary
10:13because
10:14i thought we were
10:16i thought we were dead
10:17his face was just
10:25pure anger
10:26it's just pure
10:28evil
10:29coming through him
10:31and i'm screaming
10:34mom
10:34floor it
10:35mom floor it
10:36let's go
10:36and i'm just screaming
10:38so
10:39he brings the axe down
10:41and then it hits
10:42the driver's window
10:44of course shatters the window
10:48and it sticks into the door
10:50like
10:50it comes down
10:51and just
10:52wedges right in the door
10:53and i scream out in fear
10:56and she's just
10:58and she just guns
10:59you know
10:59pedals in the metal
11:01and
11:02like
11:02we're driving down the road
11:04with an axe
11:05sticking out
11:06the door
11:07he definitely meant to hurt her
11:11and just didn't at that time
11:13he could have killed her instantly right then
11:15this is my father working on his uh
11:29his car
11:31his car
11:31his muzzle car
11:32and i think i'm bringing him a glass of iced tea or something
11:38my mom
11:40my mom took the picture
11:42he loved that car
11:43he loved that car
11:44he loved that car
11:44he
11:45you can see the
11:48the space in between me and him
11:50and here
11:51i didn't want to touch him
11:54you can see that i'm just
11:57you can see that i'm just barely getting close enough just to put his drink down
12:01just walking up to him
12:05i can feel the fear
12:07i can feel the fear
12:07just reminded me of
12:10how i felt when i was around him
12:13it's hard
12:23because i
12:25it brings back the emotions
12:28that i keep buried
12:30it brings back that
12:33that pain and that fear
12:35i was really scared of him
12:38several occasions
12:48i mean he would literally give her a beating of her life
12:51i mean she would go to work with
12:53just bruises around her whole
12:55whole neck
12:56just bruises
12:58black eyes
12:59busted lips
13:00i mean
13:00she lost most of her teeth in her early 30s from the beatings
13:04growing up i felt like that was the way it was to be yelled at and screamed at and smacked around
13:10it's normal you're the man
13:13or if you want to smack your kid around you can do it because you're the man
13:17men were the men
13:19women were nothing
13:20there were times that he'd be done beating her
13:24and he would come looking for me
13:26and i started hiding
13:28so my hiding place was a closet
13:33behind where the clothes
13:35hung
13:36there was just enough space in there
13:39that i could crawl into that closet
13:41with my teddy bears and a pillow
13:43and lay there
13:44and he couldn't find me
13:47plenty of times that i'd end up there overnight
13:50i was just hot
13:52this one day he was looking for me
14:00couldn't find me
14:01where is she
14:03and my mom she's like
14:05i don't know where she is
14:07how would i know
14:09i've been with you
14:10and i remember hearing her going to the living room and then i hear him hit her
14:17and i hear her choking sounds
14:23shut up
14:25and he's beating her and i'm not i'm not gonna come out because i'm scared
14:31it went on it seemed like forever
14:35it seemed like that he was choking her
14:38then he would let her you know let her catch her breath again
14:41and then he would start choking her again
14:42when he would release her she would be like please wing please stop
14:47please please stop
14:48you're you're gonna kill me please stop
14:51and he'd be like
14:51well if you die it's your own damn fault because you won't listen
14:55you could hear it all
14:58and then it stopped
15:01and i didn't hear anything
15:03i thought at that time he had done it
15:09i thought at that time she was gonna be laying on the floor dead
15:12i
15:14i thought i'd lost my mom
15:17i thought she was really gone
15:19i was so scared and
15:25it seemed like forever for him to leave
15:28to you know to go out of the house
15:30when i heard his car crank up
15:33i'd
15:33i'd come out real quick to go find my mom
15:37and she was
15:41she was actually laying on the floor still
15:43just so beaten
15:46and battered and
15:48then i just sat next to her holding her hand crying
15:52because i couldn't do anything for her
15:56i couldn't help her
15:57she wasn't awake she wasn't awake she was still
16:02i thought at the time she was sleeping on the floor
16:05she was passed out from the beating
16:11no child should have to go through that fear of losing a loved one because of another loved one
16:23it was very terrifying as a kid to go through those moments and not not know what was going to happen
16:36when my mother felt like she was stuck in that life because we were raised you made your bed you live in it
16:43any incident that happened there was no talking about it later there was nothing it was that's the past that was yesterday
16:51stay out of the day
16:52stay out of his way hopefully today
16:54nothing will happen
16:56so mom came to me one day and told me i was going to have a baby brother or sister she was pregnant
17:06i remember putting my hand on her belly and feeling the baby move and being so joyed
17:13i was very excited not to be lonely anymore and i just couldn't wait till that baby came
17:22in the beginning my dad seemed happy about it and there was less yelling in the house
17:29then when i found out i was a sister i'm like oh sister i can braid her hair i can share my clothes with her
17:36and so i started planning on what we were going to do we were going to build little barbie forts in the yard
17:41and you do all these things
17:43i feel like when he realized she wasn't having a boy is when he stopped being nice
17:50and didn't care anymore and that's when it just got more physical
17:55it just went away all the peace went away and i was like it wasn't real
18:11one day my mom had one of her beatings
18:15and the next day i woke up and she's not well you know and i can tell she's not feeling well
18:24and she says she's gonna go to the hospital
18:27and then she came home i guess a day or two later her belly's gone
18:35i'm like mom you had the baby
18:38and she just started crying and she said no dinky i lost the baby
18:47yes excuse me this is so horrible
18:52i can only imagine how horrible that was for her
18:58oh my gosh
19:06now that i'm a mom i can i can relate to how awful it had been for her
19:14how could you go through that kind of pain and not get out of it
19:18and then we'll find out that it's not the first time it happened
19:23she had had miscarriages several times during the marriage
19:26this is just the furthest pregnancy one
19:28she almost lost me because of a beating
19:33but she stayed
19:39she stayed she forgave him
19:42how can you forgive somebody for causing you to lose your child
19:46and that caused me to be more bitter to her actually because
19:52okay so he abuses me you take it
19:56and i caused you to lose my sister and you just
20:01you stayed
20:02why don't you leave
20:06sorry
20:16when i was little
20:18we didn't have a heater central heat in the house
20:21and my mom had an electric heater in her room
20:24she was at work
20:26so i went to her room and went to sleep
20:30my father came home
20:33and went to bed
20:37at first i didn't i i didn't know what was happening
20:43and i'm like you know like trying to shove him a little bit like hey
20:48he just takes his hand and puts his hand over my mouth
20:52and at that time i knew shut up
20:55and
20:58he touched me in the ways that a father shouldn't touch their daughter you know
21:03and afterwards he goes
21:10go get a shower and go to your room
21:17and i just didn't understand
21:20it was hard
21:23i didn't know what to do i was scared
21:30how can you do that to your child
21:32it happened a couple times but that was the first time
21:41and after i got a shower and i came out of the shower he was in the hallway
21:47and he goes
21:52i actually just remember this day
21:55he doesn't remember what happened to toby
21:58don't you tell nobody
22:01i was so scared
22:05it's just horrible
22:08i'm his daughter
22:09but that made me realize how bad he really was
22:17how far he was willing to go
22:20to hurt us and for his own selfish needs
22:25that's when i realized
22:29i had no control over my life
22:33when he crossed this line
22:36i realized how truly helpless i was
22:50i never really got help for that
22:56never
22:58i just don't deal with it i just keep burying it
23:02i'm just trying to convince myself it didn't happen
23:08i need to go outside
23:27so around the time i was seven my mom got pregnant again
23:32but she waited a few months to tell anybody that she was pregnant
23:36shortly after i found out she was pregnant that she was going to have a boy
23:40and i was so excited that she was going to have another baby and but then i was scared and worried
23:46too i was worried that something would happen to that baby like the other one
23:55but he didn't beat her because she was having a boy he was overjoyed with the fact he was going
24:01to have a son that's the thing he wanted most in life was a boy
24:07it was his pride and joy and when they brought him home and they walk in the door together actually
24:14at the same time and they weren't arguing he's actually carrying my brother because he was a proud
24:20daddy for my brother you know i was more hopeful that he changed that he wasn't going to be beating
24:26us anymore that she gave him what he wanted most a son you know hey yeah we might be a family finally
24:34but there was constant um tension there's constant
24:44what's gonna happen you know constant fear it never subsided at all it just seemed to grow
24:52there was one evening i remember i just remember hearing scream and she comes down the hall and she yells for me
25:05she grabbed me and she's you know running with me behind the couch because he stood up
25:11i made eye contact with him he was looking right at me and i remember just the hate the pure hate
25:25he hated us and he took the gun and brought it down you know like to me it's in slow motion
25:36it brings that gun down and it goes off and we just both of us just fell to the floor and i thought she
25:48was hit and she thought i was hit and he fired a few times through the house at us and i remember
25:58hearing it hit the wall behind us you could hear the impact that was one of the scariest moments of my
26:09life like i thought we were dead so we're just there not moving until until until he quit and left
26:22oh my god he just literally tried to kill us
26:28i don't know why he has so much hate so much anger towards us and and the fact not only to pull
26:38the trigger once but to empty it and reload it and do it again and why why
26:50i think my father stayed because he enjoyed controlling us he enjoyed the power
26:56and he he just kept coming back to do it some more and to keep seeing how far he can go and get away
27:07with it i was worried he was going to kill us he was going to succeed and and and do something that
27:13that would there was no coming back from
27:15this is definitely around the time he tried to try to kill me
27:35i'm looking at this and
27:36he seems that little smirk on his face actually that little that little smirks like i got my gun
27:54where's your heart
27:55where's your compassion do you even have it did you even love us
28:06he'd leave and come back why come back if you if you hated us if you wanted us to die why come back
28:12but i know what i was he enjoyed the power he had over us he enjoyed the control that was him controlling everything
28:25destroying everything
28:38we're driving around one night and we're looking for my father we finally went to the bar and his car
28:48was there parks up next to him and she hops out y'all stay right here mom let him go please just stay
28:57here and i'm like mom please please we can't go we can't go we can't so i'm begging and like just hysterically
29:04crying i just i knew when she went in that bar that things were gonna happen soon get away from me and
29:18next thing i know he's coming out the bar hey and she's coming out right behind him
29:24and he gets in his car and i look over and he looks at me and it was just
29:35you know that whole i hate you look again i i hate y'all i just hate you
29:44i hear the tires squeal on his car
29:46he had applied pedal to the metal get gassed his car and he turned the car and rammed into the back of
30:00her car at the same time she was running across the front of the car and
30:15she was put in between the car and the building
30:18and then i heard that scream that i kept hearing in my dream that scream of pain that she was in
30:34it's just horrible horrible
30:38dad dad and he did not let off that gas
30:41dad you could smell the rubber birdie
30:48you could see the pain you could see it the pain and agony that she was in
30:56the scream you're thinking was this the last time i'm gonna see her this is how i'm gonna remember her the rest of my life
31:12i see my mom and she's screaming so bad and there's no color
31:18in her left she's white as a ghost and i see his face and his eyes are just like glowing red
31:27you could just see the mission he had was to kill us he wanted to end us
31:33and people were pounding on his window trying to get to him to stop him
31:42and finally i guess somebody got into the car and stopped him from pushing the pedal
31:47and he gets out of his car and he starts screaming at her
31:54and of course you see the blood just pouring she
32:04she lost her legs one of them at the scene completely came off
32:14and he touched it and said you made me do this
32:22and i'm like somebody help her somebody help her and i'm screaming somebody help her
32:30get him away from her don't let him over there
32:33i felt like that was the last time i was gonna see my mom
32:50the next day i found out that she was still alive
32:57i'd say it was a few weeks before i was able to actually see her
33:00she was asleep when i came around the corner and walked up to her bed
33:07and i just touched her hand you know just touched it as soon as i touched her hand
33:14she opened her eyes and looked at me and it just we both just started crying you know tears just started
33:23flowing and she just started telling how sorry she was and that she should have believed me and
33:30and i'm like mom it's okay it's okay you're not dead you're it's okay because i'm still joyed that
33:37she's still alive and whatever this is and whatever's happened we'll get through it she's
33:43still here though you know we can still talk and i can still tell her i love her
33:50my mom was in the hospital for almost a couple years she went through over 40 surgeries the
33:59second leg they tried to save it eventually the gangrene got so high they decided to just amputate
34:05the leg completely
34:20my father stole my childhood
34:23at least i knew he was locked up and he wasn't gonna get out and get to me anymore i felt safe again i
34:30i didn't feel the evil was knocking on my door anymore i could be a kid again and i was gonna
34:36graduate and at the time there was nobody in the family that had graduated high school
34:43and i was gonna be the one to go to college
34:49so they had an inside ceremony because of the rain so it was in the gymnasium
34:54and they have all of us graduates crammed in there and there was a lot of us
35:03i'm looking around my mom of course she's in a wheelchair so she's in the front right there and looking at her and my
35:10brother sitting in her lap and they're just he's like this
35:16and i was just just overjoyed
35:20and just something caught my attention and pulled me to the to the crowd of people and right there
35:36in the middle of the crowd
35:42he was standing there
35:51i literally started crying right there
35:54because i'm like what is he doing here he's supposed to be in jail why is he here
36:00and that was the best day of my life it ended up being the worst day of my life
36:10so the whole time i'm having to walk up to get my diploma i'm shaking crying and you know they're
36:18probably thinking oh she's just so happy but i was scared i was so scared
36:24he's looking at me but he's not smiling he's not proud of me
36:33he's just staring at me with this blank expression all that fear came back right then
36:39unbelievably my father served less than five years in prison for what he did
36:54he went to prison in late 84 he got out and by christmas of 89 so he had been out for
37:03like six seven months when i graduated and during that time apparently him and my mom were seeing
37:09each other
37:12and it was it was a shocker to learn that she was convinced that he was a changed man
37:22i don't know what happened i don't know if she went in front of the pro board and
37:25and request i don't know maybe she did maybe she helped get him out
37:30i think he came to ruin my happiness and it was like a reminder i'm still here i'm still watching
37:39you i still know what you're doing you're not away from me you're not free remember that that's how i
37:46felt
37:57that i told him at that point don't ever don't ever come in my life don't ever try to contact me
38:03i don't want nothing to do with you you just basically my main my main focus was survival
38:11stay alive stay away where he can't hurt you
38:18i put extra locks on the doors i put weapons by each door as far as knives or bats or guns i planted
38:26them through the house to protect myself because i was in fear that now that he was out he was gonna
38:32find me and finish off what he didn't do before
38:47he had a heart attack in his sleep what a peaceful way to go right
38:50my mom suffered suffered so badly and he gets to just fall asleep not wake up how unfair is that
39:09i was glad he was gone it was actually a relief that he had actually passed so i knew
39:14i would never have to run into him again i never have to be in fear again this should have happened
39:20years ago i didn't have to worry about if he was gonna decide to hurt my mom growing up i was angry
39:29with her and always why don't you leave why don't you leave and she wouldn't leave i blamed her because
39:37i feel like she made the choice she could have left she could have done it she could have got away
39:45she didn't have to end up like she ended up
39:50instead of the truth of what happened was it's his fault i i blamed her
39:56my mother and i relationship was just it was damaged it was damaged because you know everything
40:04he had done broke us so you had two broken people trying to fix things together
40:11my mom i feel that she did the best she could with the knowledge she had the choices she made was
40:19the best that she she thought i love my mom i wish she was still here she died a slow death she
40:28knew it was the rest of the liver from what happened to her all right it was over 25 years in that
40:34wheelchair and i see a strength in her that you just you can't imagine the strength that she had
40:43and i know that's where i got it from i know that she gave me those good parts of her
40:48she taught me how to be a fighter i believe that the evil is a test of us and it's a way to destroy us
40:58and we can either let it or we can fight back bring that light in our lives and don't let the darkness
41:06take over i never saw what she looked like at eight she looks like the face of my mother but i don't feel
41:24like her soul is there
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