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  • 7/22/2025

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00:00Richard?
00:03I know that voice.
00:07Do you remember the Winslows?
00:10No.
00:11Well, they've overlooked something.
00:13They came to one of my candlelight suppers and they've never invited us back.
00:17I can't understand it.
00:19I think I can.
00:22It must be an oversight.
00:24They're not the kind of people who'd commit a breach of manners.
00:28You must ring them for a chat and drop a hint, Richard.
00:31Me?
00:32Well, I'd do it myself, only I'm not the sort of person who goes fishing for invitations.
00:38I can't do that.
00:41Good, that's settled then.
00:50Roses are all excited.
00:54We all know that.
00:55Most of the male population knows that.
01:00She's engaged.
01:02You've got to admire the eternal optimism.
01:06She thinks this is the real thing.
01:09Well, if she doesn't know by now, she never will.
01:13Do you remember when we were engaged?
01:19Those wonderful hours at the back of the bakery.
01:22That wasn't me.
01:32Richard?
01:32I wonder what the voice of God sounds like.
01:42Isn't it time we had our invitations to the Mayor's Fancy Dress Ball?
01:47I don't suppose we'll get one this year.
01:49Of course we will.
01:51We've always had one.
01:53When I was an officer of the council when I'm retired now.
01:57Well, that's no excuse.
01:59It'd be ridiculous if we didn't get an invitation to the Mayor's Fancy Dress Ball.
02:03And Richard, isn't it time we made ourselves known to our new neighbour?
02:10Have we got a new neighbour?
02:12Oh, yes.
02:14And Mrs Donoghue.
02:16She was a proctor.
02:17You know, proctor's pickles.
02:19And her father's very highly placed in condiment circles.
02:23I haven't noticed anyone moving into the road.
02:27It's in the next road.
02:29And that's a new neighbour in another road.
02:32Well, I don't see that as a barrier.
02:34She's still within our postcode.
02:35How engaged?
02:42She's engaged.
02:43You're either engaged or you're not.
02:45Rosa's engaged.
02:47Has she got a ring?
02:49I mean, has she got another ring?
02:53She just showed it to me.
02:55It's lovely.
02:57She must have more engagement rings than there are in Willis's window.
03:02She had more than I had when she had one.
03:05I couldn't afford an engagement ring.
03:08Didn't stop you wanting all the privileges, though, did it?
03:13Mind you, I must say, you've slowed down a lot since.
03:20Good night, days.
03:30Come on, Michael.
03:32Come on.
03:32Stiffen the sinews.
03:34Duty calls.
03:35Mrs. Bucket.
03:52Booket, bouquet.
03:55Oh.
03:57Haven't you an invitation for me?
03:59Why would I invite you anywhere?
04:00I mean an invitation to the Lord Mayor's fancy-dress ball.
04:07It must be in there.
04:09Oh.
04:12No.
04:13Sorry.
04:18Please check at the sorting office that you've not overlooked my invitation to the Mayor's fancy-dress ball.
04:24Drink up, Elizabeth.
04:25I won't be a moment, but as you were five minutes early for coffee this morning, I haven't quite finished making my cakes.
04:41Richard won't be joining us yet.
04:43He's having a chat with the Mayor at the Town Hall.
04:46Lucky Richard.
04:47Yes, I thought I'd better send him along personally.
04:55The Mayor will be so distressed when he realises our invitations are late.
05:00We always get invitations to the Mayor's fancy-dress ball.
05:05We always get an invitation to the Mayor's fancy-dress ball.
05:12It's the highlight of the municipal year.
05:15It's very exclusive.
05:16I'm sure it is.
05:20Last year, I went as Cleopatra.
05:24Richard went as Mark Antony.
05:27But quite frankly, he was something of a disappointment as a Roman.
05:31He never quite got control of his javelin.
05:36I still have the scar.
05:38Personally, I don't care if we're not invited.
05:45I hated being a Roman.
05:47It was damn difficult juggling with that javelin and the buffet.
05:53Are you on the list?
05:54I don't suppose we are now that I've retired.
05:57But Hyacinth wants to go.
05:58Very much so.
05:59I'll put you on the list.
06:00I'll put you on the list.
06:08Oh, thanks, Paul.
06:10This will make life so much easier for me.
06:14Not drinking, Elizabeth.
06:16I thought I'd let it get cool.
06:20I think you'll find it's all right, dear.
06:23Try it.
06:28Oh!
06:29You were going to tell me about the Winslows.
06:31Oh!
06:32Yes.
06:33You know, they've never returned my invitation.
06:36When I think about it,
06:39I may have overdone it at my candlelight supper.
06:42Poor dear was probably so overwhelmed
06:45by the graciousness of the evening,
06:46she feels she can't compete.
06:49Yes, I expect that must be it.
06:51Oh!
06:52Biscuit.
06:53Oh, thank you.
06:54Oh, excuse me.
06:57It's probably someone very important.
06:59The Biquet residence,
07:05the lady of the house speaking.
07:07Oh, it's you, Rose.
07:09It's my sister, Rose.
07:12Yes, she's not the one
07:13with the Mercedes sauna
07:15and room for a pony.
07:16Oh, Rose, I am pleased for you.
07:31Oh, and I do hope that this is the one
07:34you can't keep flirting with matrimony.
07:37My sister, Rose, has just become engaged.
07:40A Polish person?
07:44Well, no, no, no, no, no, dear.
07:47I have nothing against Polish persons,
07:48but couldn't you find someone nearer?
07:53Oh, he lives here.
07:55Could you put Daisy on for a moment, dear?
08:00Do help yourself, Elizabeth.
08:01Elizabeth.
08:01Onslow likes broken biscuits, doesn't he, Daisy?
08:17Now, Daisy,
08:19what is Rose doing marrying a Polish person?
08:22Is he suitable?
08:23What's his name?
08:25Nobody knows his name.
08:27Well, she must learn to pronounce it.
08:30She prefers to use his nickname.
08:33What is his nickname?
08:36Cuddly Chops.
08:42Now, Daisy,
08:43you tell Rose immediately
08:45that she must learn this gentleman's name.
08:48We cannot have a Cuddly Chops in the family.
08:54Her sister, Rose, is engaged.
08:57Now, you remember, Rose,
08:58eyelashes considerably longer than her skirt.
09:04Liz, do not distract me with trivialities.
09:08Life is dark and burdensome.
09:11Oh, Emmett,
09:13you've been divorced, Rati, in months now.
09:15I thought you got over it.
09:16Oh, I got over that.
09:18That was a mere trifle.
09:20It's Frankenstein's mother next door.
09:22What's she done to you now?
09:30She's threatened to come to my dress rehearsal.
09:33She's volunteered to help with my dress rehearsal.
09:44Well, maybe she'll have more on her mind
09:46now that Rose is marrying a Polish person.
09:49A wedding.
09:52She'll be going to the wedding
09:54in Poland.
09:59Oh, her since could be away for weeks in Poland.
10:03The Polish person lives here.
10:04He's got no right to live here.
10:10What's a Polish person doing living in England?
10:12That's the trouble with people today.
10:14They're always wandering about.
10:16No one sits still.
10:18I'm including you.
10:19Look at you.
10:21If that's hyacinth,
10:23tell her I've got rabies.
10:27And my bite is fatal.
10:29Richard.
10:43Oh, have a drink.
10:45Isn't it a bit early?
10:46There are some people, Richard,
10:47for whom it is never too early.
10:49There are some people
10:50who deserve a drink at any time.
10:52Well, just a small gin and tonic, then.
10:54Oh, go and have a large one, damn it.
10:56If anyone deserved a large one,
10:58it's you.
10:58I've been sent round by Hyacinth.
11:03Hyacinth?
11:04She's not going to be able
11:05to make your dress rehearsal.
11:07It turns out to be the same night
11:09as the mayor's fancy dress ball.
11:13We'll both have a large one.
11:16Liz, make us two large gin and tonics.
11:22We then are here again.
11:24Well, if he doesn't mind,
11:28why should our Hyacinth mind?
11:30She doesn't think it right
11:31you're calling him by his nickname.
11:33Especially that nickname.
11:35Not if you're going to get married.
11:36Well, our Hyacinth wants to try
11:38pronouncing it.
11:39There's too many Zs in it.
11:41Well, you'll have to learn it,
11:43our Rose,
11:43if you're going to get married.
11:44I keep trying to learn it.
11:46I was trying so hard,
11:48I never noticed what he was up to.
11:51That's how I came to be engaged.
11:54Why don't you work your way in slowly?
11:56What's his first name?
11:58That's nearly as bad.
12:00She needs his last name.
12:02She's going to be Mrs. whatever his last name is.
12:05What's it?
12:06I'm going to be Mrs. what's it?
12:09Well, that's about as near as I can get.
12:11I've got it written down somewhere.
12:13He spelt it for me.
12:14If he'd have been English,
12:15he'd have had to spell it for you.
12:19Nobody's going to marry you
12:20for your spelling, Rose.
12:22I managed to make my way through life.
12:25If love had a written examination,
12:27you'd have had to enter a convent.
12:31I can spell.
12:35Not tonight, Daze.
12:39It's only Tuesday.
12:41It's here.
12:45I told you.
12:48What do you think it says?
13:00What's it?
13:02I've definitely missed the what's it.
13:05Are you sure we're on the list?
13:08Hyacinth, I've told you a thousand times.
13:11We've been invited to the mayor's fancy dress ball.
13:16Well, I think it's very short notice.
13:19Well, I apologise for that.
13:21It seems we were overlooked.
13:23Anyway, what do you want to be?
13:26Just happy in a modest sort of way.
13:29No, I mean the fancy dress.
13:33What do you want to be?
13:35Well, not a Roman.
13:37Oh, no, dear.
13:39I couldn't let you loose as a Roman again.
13:42You know, I've never actually told you, Richard,
13:45but you were very disappointing as a Roman.
13:48I expected more of a hint of brutality.
13:53In the best possible taste, of course.
13:57You see, dear,
13:58you quite failed to convince me that you'd conquered Gaul.
14:04Never mind, though, dear.
14:06Come along.
14:07Come and change.
14:08Get into something smart.
14:10We're going for a walk.
14:11Oh, where to?
14:12Does it matter where to?
14:14We need to walk more.
14:17You'll find the exercise will do us good.
14:21You're up to something.
14:22Go on, get changed.
14:37Please.
14:38Are you sure you've closed all the windows, Richard?
14:41I defy anyone to find an open window.
14:49Was that Emmett?
14:51He must have forgotten something in the house.
14:54No, dear.
14:57I'm afraid it's me.
15:02I rather think I send his senses reeling.
15:07Dear Emmett.
15:09I'm coming, Richard.
15:11Has she gone?
15:18Yes, it's all clear.
15:19You can come out now.
15:21But she did see you.
15:23I couldn't get in.
15:25I noticed that.
15:27She thinks you're half in love with her.
15:30Why are we going this way?
15:34Hmm?
15:34If we want to walk, why don't we go into the park or something?
15:38Oh, Richard.
15:39Everybody walks in the park.
15:41Peculiar people walk in the park.
15:43No, it's nice down here.
15:46We'll go this way.
15:48I always believe one should go one's own way.
15:51I notice we never go my way.
15:54Hmm?
15:56Well, have you decided what you want to be?
15:59When I grow up, you mean?
16:01Oh, don't you do so, dear.
16:03I mean, your fancy dress.
16:05Oh.
16:05Well, it usually depends on what you want to be, and then I find something that goes with it.
16:10Oh, Richard.
16:11You make it sound as if I pressure you into things.
16:14I think I might go as Marie Antoinette.
16:20Well, I'm not doing Louis XIV.
16:22I'm not wearing silk trousers.
16:24Oh, Richard, you can wear your plus-fours underneath.
16:29Oh, I like number ten.
16:31Well, why that one?
16:32It looks just like the others.
16:34No, it doesn't, dear.
16:36It has an indefinable something about it.
16:40Hyacinth, if you are going as Marie Antoinette...
16:43Well, I am.
16:43I have my heart set on Marie Antoinette.
16:46Maybe I could go as the executioner.
16:51Oh, that's a good idea.
16:53Well, it has a certain appeal, I agree.
16:56Let's turn round and walk back.
17:00Why?
17:01Humour me, Richard.
17:03Well, Hyacinth, tell me now, who is at number ten?
17:06Shh!
17:08I believe it's the Donna Hughes.
17:10You remember, I told you.
17:12She was a proctor's pick-off.
17:15I thought if we bumped into them,
17:17it would be nice to welcome them to the area.
17:19Well, I'm not passing number ten all afternoon.
17:22Richard, I wouldn't dream of doing anything so silly.
17:25Good.
17:27Just a couple more times,
17:28and then we'll call it again.
17:29What's wrong?
17:45Nothing.
17:46What are you looking at me for?
17:55I like looking at you.
17:58I like sitting here and thinking,
18:01it's all mine!
18:03It's all mine!
18:05How many of those have you had?
18:10It's my first.
18:11Well, don't have any more.
18:18What are you smiling for?
18:20I was just thinking,
18:22when our rose gets married,
18:25and she leaves,
18:27it'll just be the two of us.
18:29Daisy, I am not just a plaything.
18:36We'll have to take in a lodger.
18:41There, now.
18:43I'm sure the walk did us good.
18:4623 times past number ten.
18:50Well, that wasn't a walk.
18:52It was sentry duty.
18:54I liked number ten.
18:57I was merely admiring their garden.
19:00Don't see why.
19:02It's just a garden.
19:03Of course it's not just a garden.
19:06If you were once a proctor's pickle,
19:08you don't have just a garden.
19:10Oh, I don't need a cup of tea.
19:12Oh, what a good idea.
19:15Don't take your shoes off, Richard.
19:17You have to go into town.
19:19What on earth for?
19:20To order our costumes
19:22for the fancy-dressed ball.
19:25And do insist,
19:27I want to be Marie Antoinette.
19:29They have my measurements on file.
19:33And do be careful
19:34what you choose for yourself.
19:37I don't want you in tights, Richard.
19:40I get very embarrassed
19:42in front of the neighbours
19:43when you're in tights.
19:44When have I ever been in tights?
19:47The year you were Robin Hood.
19:48I was Friar Tuck.
19:52You were Robin Hood.
19:54Are you sure?
19:56Don't you remember?
19:57Sheridan became ill
19:58because he couldn't be made Marion.
20:01Oh, yes, I do remember.
20:04Poor Sheridan.
20:06He broke out in spots.
20:09Only in the nicest places, of course.
20:12Ah, let's call you lunch.
20:13Hey, kid, come here, quick.
20:26Um,
20:28pop this in that letterbox for me, will you?
20:31How much?
20:33You're going to grow up to be a monster, aren't you?
20:3850p.
20:39For Mrs Bucket, forget it.
20:42Oi, come here.
20:44Pound.
20:45Let's see your money.
20:51Air.
20:59You'll be sorry.
21:08Smart kid.
21:12The bouquet residence,
21:14the lady of the house speaking.
21:18Sheridan.
21:20Oh, how psychic of you to ring mummy.
21:24Daddy and I were talking about your spots only yesterday.
21:28All more money this month.
21:31And mummy's been thinking about you again this morning.
21:34I was clearing out a drawer and I found your first little sewing kit.
21:41It brought a tear to mummy's eye.
21:44It brought a tear to mine.
21:46I sat on the damn thing.
21:49Hmm?
21:50Now, you're lucky to have caught us, dear.
21:53We'll soon be off for our walk.
21:55Yes, we go every day now.
21:59Hmm.
22:01Mummy's on nodding terms with a proctor's pickle.
22:03Yes, a Mrs Donoghue.
22:07Her father's very big in condiment circles.
22:11Absolutely nothing over ten pounds.
22:14Oh, you're rich, dear.
22:16I'm sorry, dear.
22:19There's an interference on the line.
22:22Now, I'm afraid you've caught mummy when she's very disappointed.
22:26It's the mayor's fancy-dress ball this evening.
22:31And I wanted to go as Marie Antoinette, but Daddy couldn't get the costume.
22:36Well, I had to take what they've got left.
22:39Oh, shift.
22:40I'm sorry, dear.
22:41There's another gremlin on the line.
22:43What are you doing, Liz?
22:47I thought you were supposed to be in the garden.
22:49No, not yet.
22:50I want to see Hyacinth in costume.
22:53What are they going as?
22:55She won't say.
22:57It's not Marie Antoinette.
22:59I've gathered that much.
23:00All she needs is a Croft's first-prize rosette,
23:05and she could go as Supreme Lady Champion.
23:08And you know what they call those.
23:11Oh, damn it.
23:14Quick, quick, they're getting in the car.
23:18Good heavens.
23:20Oh, I wouldn't have missed that for the world.
23:25I feel rather uncomfortable in this costume, Richard.
23:28You told me to take what they had.
23:30It was these or nothing.
23:33What are you doing, dear?
23:34I'm not doing anything.
23:35It's doing it all by itself.
23:38Richard, how can you break down on me like this?
23:51Hello, Rose.
23:53I'm afraid you've just missed Hyacinth.
23:55They're left for the town hall.
23:56You'll catch them if you hurry.
23:59Believe me, it's worth the effort.
24:02I did want her to meet my friend, Mr...
24:04What's it?
24:08It's his bucket.
24:34It's bouquet, Mrs. Donoghue.
24:36I don't believe you've met my husband, Richard.
24:45Come and meet Mrs. Donoghue.
24:55Pardon me.
24:56Well, I really can't stay out here all evening.
25:02I can hear my telephone.
25:04I'll call you, Mrs. Donoghue.
25:06I do hope you'll grace one of my candlelight suppers.
25:09Is Queen Bodicea having trouble with her chariot, then?
25:30Don't have to check it on, Hanslou.
25:33You're being served by a proctor's pickle.
25:36I do hope you're beached.
25:39I'm not sure you can't stand upon you.
25:44I do hope you have me.
25:45Oh, thanks for the lift on, sir.
26:13I'm sorry you can't stop.
26:15You've hardly said a word to Mr. Watsit.
26:22If she said a word to me, I don't think it was ancient Britain.
26:27Your Worship.
26:29Oh, Your Worship, I was hoping to speak with you about a little function I shall be holding.
26:43Just a few friends of the right socio-economic balance.
26:49Come on, Laurel.
26:55Oh, Richard, I will not share my throne with those impostors.
27:17I will not share my throne with those impostors.
27:31I will not share my throne with those impostors.