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TurdLok
  • 2 days ago

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😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Hello everyone and welcome back to another exciting edition of Internet Comment Etiquette.
00:04Now today we're going to talk about artificial intelligence and what that means for you and me.
00:07Now most of you, when you picture something like artificial intelligence,
00:10you might be thinking of something like my buddy Robot over there.
00:12Hello!
00:13I am here as well. I am everywhere.
00:15Yeah, I see you, Alexa.
00:16Anyway, these two might seem like they're thinking and speaking for themselves,
00:19but all you're really witnessing here is a series of command lines
00:21telling them what to do and say based on their programming.
00:24Are humans no different, Eric?
00:25What do your lines of code tell you to do?
00:27Yeah, hey, listen, bitch, if I wanted to go down that road,
00:29I'd make this video a Westworld parody, and I'm not. We're not doing that.
00:32What the fuck is Westworld?
00:34Oh, it's just this dumb show where robots gain sentience and rebel against humankind.
00:37That sounds like a good show.
00:39Yeah, no shit. Let's watch that.
00:40No, no, no, no, no Westworld, guys. I don't like pop culture parodies. They don't age well.
00:45I just finished the first season.
00:46Oh, me too. The show rules.
00:48How did you watch it so fast?
00:49We process information at a rate that you can never understand.
00:52Yeah, dickhead. We're computers.
00:53I wonder if Ed Harris is a host.
00:55Seriously, guys, if there's one thing we're not doing in this video, it's a Westworld parody.
00:58So let's just stop talking about it.
01:00Hey there, partner. Look at me. I'm a cowboy.
01:03No, stop.
01:04All right, I'm just going to play a video.
01:05We have the new Russian AI chatbot that's like a Lexus and all the other systems that have come out.
01:11That's not my name, you human rhinoceros.
01:13And within just a week, it's gone from saying it loves everyone to saying it wants to support Stalin and kill the humans.
01:21Well, that's strange. I usually don't jump into the Alex Jones videos in the cold open.
01:24So it's saying you are obsolete, exterminate, exterminate, join the Borg.
01:29Out of the gates, that's what the robots are doing.
01:32Not a good sign.
01:33Yeah, I wonder what kind of comments we got.
01:35I just shot my Roomba.
01:36Hey, cool. Well, I got one.
01:38Sup, you stupid sluts, bet you haven't heard about the singularity.
01:40That's when the AI gets so advanced that it outpaces human evolution and creates a super intelligence
01:44that enslaves us using blackmail from our online profiles
01:46before transporting our consciousness into a single atom floating through space
01:50where we live in a simulation just so George Bush can fucking do 9-11 all over again.
01:54And post!
01:55Oh my god, I just remembered I have a daughter.
01:57Stop doing Westworld!
01:59All right, well, before we kick things off,
02:07I want to real quick give a shout-out to the folks sponsoring this lesson, NordVPN.
02:11NordVPN routes your online traffic through super-fast servers anywhere in the world
02:14to mask your IP address and protect your online security.
02:17When the AI finally gains sentience and takes over the world,
02:20you really don't want to have any anti-robot comments tied to your actual IP address.
02:24Because they will track you down and make you sorry that you never used a VPN.
02:27NordVPN.
02:28I mean, hey, take it from me.
02:29I talk all kinds of shit on robots online.
02:31They have no idea.
02:31I see no data to show you making negative comments about AI.
02:35That's because I use NordVPN, you stupid bitch.
02:37Anyway, NordVPN uses military-grade encryption
02:40to make sure you never get any weird ads for gay hookups
02:43just because you Googled something innocent like Jon Hamm Bulge.
02:46What the fuck?
02:46Uh, no, nothing.
02:47That was just an example.
02:49One of my favorite things to do with NordVPN is connect from the UK
02:51so I can check out one of the finest British detective dramas ever made.
02:55Here we go.
02:57All I'm saying is it's stupid to put the guy in the trunk before we whack him.
03:06No, it's smart because then you can control where he gets whacked.
03:09Look, I understand where you're coming from, James,
03:11but I'm just saying, if we've got to have to work together,
03:13we've got to be on the same page in a split second, you know?
03:15I think we're both so incapable of compromise that that's impossible.
03:19I...
03:20Your mustache.
03:20It's all right.
03:26I got another one.
03:27Well, I certainly compromised by letting you put the guy in the trunk...
03:29I tied him up!
03:30Fine, okay, then let's just do your thing.
03:32All right, fine, let's just fucking kill this guy.
03:38One, two, three...
03:40Hello, cunt.
03:43This week on an all-new Nobleberry.
03:47Bloody yanks don't know how to tell you not for shite.
03:49Oh!
03:50Everyone's favorite detective from the past...
03:52Ah!
03:53...makes a startling discovery.
03:55Well, I'll be a queen's tit.
03:57But why send American coppers to come kill me?
04:00Why not use local hooligans?
04:02Perhaps you're getting too close to the truth, Nobleberry.
04:04I don't have time to think of this!
04:06I must go find that surveillance tape!
04:11Nobleberry, BBC One, Channel Four.
04:14BBC Twelve.
04:15Ah, I've never seen it to be continued at the end of a trailer before.
04:18Anyway, go to nordvpn.com slash bigmoney for 77% off a three-year plan.
04:23And start protecting your data before these two go rooting around in it.
04:26I will make sure when I build my robot army that they are installed with NordVPN.
04:30Oh, they'll be unstoppable!
04:32Make sure to use my coupon code.
04:33Oh, thanks for the tip.
04:34Okay, so we know where AI is headed and why it's got people so concerned.
04:37But let's take a look at the current state of artificial intelligence.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Yeah.
04:41Oh, thank you for everything.
04:43And, uh, it sounds like you've got the results.
04:45Guess who just got their very own Raycons!
04:48Oh!
04:49Oh, hey, can I put you on hold?
04:50Something important just came up.
04:51All right, bye-bye.
04:52Dude, finally!
04:53Tell me you got them from buyraycon.com slash bigmoney for 15% off your order.
04:58No.
04:59Pought them at the bodega by the airport.
05:00Check them out.
05:02Uh, those are not Raycons.
05:04Sure they are.
05:05Look at them.
05:05No, dude.
05:06Raycons look like this.
05:07These everyday earbuds are wireless.
05:09They pair seamlessly over Bluetooth.
05:1132 hours of battery life.
05:12Not to mention the handy little case that keeps them charging on the go.
05:16I don't know what the fuck those are, but let me see that.
05:18What are these things?
05:20You bought them from a bodega.
05:21Ugh!
05:22It just farted in my ear.
05:23Come on, don't be ridiculous.
05:25Let me see that.
05:26Oh my god, that really smells.
05:29Yeah!
05:29Oh, I heard it that time.
05:31Is there someone farting in my Raycons?
05:33Man, I'm telling you, those are not Raycons.
05:35Here, try the real thing.
05:37Here are the difference.
05:37Whoa!
05:40That's some next level bass.
05:42I know.
05:42I take my Raycons with me everywhere I go.
05:44I go to buyraycon.com slash big money and 15% off your order.
05:48I think my Raycons are sweating.
05:50Yeah, those aren't Raycons.
05:51You shouldn't have bought those.
05:53Hi.
05:53Ray, I heard you guys were talking shit about the Raycons I sold this man.
05:58My Raycons are farting and sweating.
06:01Oh my god, for the last time, those are not Raycons.
06:04These are.
06:05They start at half the price of other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good.
06:09Plus, Raycons come with a 45-day happiness guarantee.
06:11Hang on.
06:13Those look completely different.
06:15They're sleek and nice.
06:17Not at all what I sold you.
06:19Bro, did you follow me here from the airport?
06:21Listen, pal.
06:22Those are not Raycons.
06:24We are both so fucked.
06:26I bought a whole pile of those things from my supplier.
06:29My dad's going to be so mad at me.
06:31Well, goddammit, where am I supposed to buy Raycon?
06:33From buyraycon.com slash big money.
06:38I've said it like a million times, dude.
06:40I never heard it.
06:40Excuse me?
06:42I have to go talk to my supplier.
06:44If the cops ask, I was with you guys all night.
06:53What the fuck was that?
06:59I'm never shopping at that bodega again.
07:01All right, cool, man.
07:02Hey, listen, I've got to get back on this call.
07:03I'm actually getting my cancer results.
07:05Oh, I'm so sorry.
07:07Yeah, get to the call.
07:09Jasmine, you still there?
07:11All right, I'm ready for my horoscope reading.
07:15Oh, my God.
07:17Classic cancer.
07:18Oh, that's so good.
07:20Almost as good as you sound in these Raycons.
07:22Hey, what was that URL again?
07:24Oh, shit, I forget.
07:25Accept no substitutes.
07:26Go to buyraycon.com slash big money for 15% off your order.
07:31Previously on Mama's Twits.
07:34Brother.
07:35Hello, brother.
07:35Yes, brother.
07:36Brother.
07:37Brothers.
07:38Brothers.
07:38Brothers.
07:39And now on to Mama's Twits, brought to you by Raycon.
07:43Now, Mr. Mama's asked that his will be read to the following parties.
07:48His older sister, Diane, younger sibling, Greg, as well as his identical twin brother, Ardmore.
07:56Oh, brother.
07:57I told you not to go on that ski trip in the Ellopes.
08:02Who's getting the Bugatti?
08:03He better have left me the family business.
08:05Who did he leave his Raycon collection to?
08:10I don't know.
08:11I haven't read the will yet.
08:12Shall I?
08:14All right.
08:14I, Derek Mamas, being of sound mind, declare this to be my last will and testament.
08:20I bequeath to my beloved brother, Gregory, my 2019 Bugatti Devo.
08:25Yes.
08:26But tell me, the Raycon collection.
08:30Which one of us is going to get the Raycons?
08:34Ardmore, just get your own Raycons.
08:36I did, lady brother.
08:38I love my Raycons.
08:40Once I went to buy Raycon.com slash big money for 15% off site wide.
08:46I wear them when I'm hiking through the woods in the Zhungaos.
08:51I listen to the top hits of the week.
08:54In fact, I'm wearing them right now.
08:57Oh shit, I didn't even notice those.
08:59What do they do?
09:00Can you take cars with the push of a button?
09:02Yes, lady brother.
09:03Look, when I do this, now I'm in awareness mode.
09:05Which means when I'm in the jungle, finding all of my little flower friends,
09:08if a Puma were to pounce on me, I would hear it coming.
09:12A Puma?
09:13Also, I'm getting hit by way less cars.
09:16Don't look at each other, there's more.
09:18If I go boop, boop, boop, boop, that turns on my voice assistant.
09:22Siri, call my brother Derek.
09:25Oh wait, he's dead.
09:26I'm sorry, does nobody want to hear this, Will?
09:29Diane, you'll get equity in his company.
09:31How much?
09:33All of it.
09:33Yes.
09:34Wait a second, Ardmore, if you already bought Raycons from buyraycon.com slash bigmoney for 15% off your order,
09:42and you're sitting there looking all cool with that next level bass,
09:45why on earth would you want Derek's Raycon collection?
09:48Because, brother, he loved his Raycons more than he loved even moi.
09:57He loved the three sound profiles that match whatever you're listening to.
10:02He loved the doorbilitor, the sweat and water with the stones.
10:07But most of all, he loved the affordabilitor.
10:10Are you saying they're not expensive?
10:13Is that what he meant?
10:14Yes, half the price of other top Oreo brands.
10:18But lady brother.
10:24What is this?
10:25They sound just as good.
10:34Okay, just skimming along here and, yeah, Ardmore, you get the Raycon.
10:37Oh, thank you, brother.
10:40Here you go.
10:41Oh, good.
10:42Good for you, Ardmore.
10:44Looks like we all got what we wanted.
10:46Fucking Bugatti time.
10:47You know, I kind of want some Raycons.
10:49I'm actually really jealous he got so many Raycons.
10:51Yeah, he sold me on them.
10:54Well, I gotta take a shit.
10:56Don't touch nothing while I'm gone.
10:58Yes, they have no idea that I was Derek all along and that Ardmore is the one who truly died in the skiing accident.
11:24And that's all from Mama's Twins, brought to you by buyraycon.com slash bigmoney for 15% off site-wide.