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Good Girls Gone Wild #ReelShort
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#shortfilm #reelshort #dramabox #short #kalostv #shortdrama #fyp #film #shortmax #tv #movie #movies #reelshorts
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Thank you for listening.
00:00:30Oh, my God.
00:00:35Hello?
00:00:36Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:39I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:43So I was thinking maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:47I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:55I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:00:57You know, I want to surprise him.
00:00:59What?
00:01:00But you can't.
00:01:01I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:04Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:06You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:09This is bad.
00:01:10You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:12She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:21Come on, Lexi.
00:01:22So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:37Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:42But this is the big 1-8.
00:01:43I mean, every year since her mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special, but this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:51So what's something we've never done before?
00:01:53Mushrooms?
00:01:55No, not like that.
00:01:57Like something nice.
00:01:59Like maybe a trip.
00:02:00Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:01No.
00:02:02Sorry, Sue, I have a date.
00:02:06So do I.
00:02:07Sorry, Sue.
00:02:08Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:09We'll figure it out.
00:02:10Oh, flowers, are these from you?
00:02:23Yeah, sure.
00:02:25Here you go.
00:02:27No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:29I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:32I guess, um, you still know what I'm doing.
00:02:37You still make me nervous.
00:02:40Oh, Jake.
00:02:45Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:48Uh, no, Jake, not yet.
00:02:50When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:52The best night of my life.
00:02:54It will be.
00:02:55I promise.
00:02:56It'll always be amazing.
00:02:57With you and me.
00:02:59Together.
00:03:07Jake, no.
00:03:08I have to go.
00:03:09I have to work on my art project.
00:03:11You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:14but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:17Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:20This Saturday?
00:03:21Of course.
00:03:22Thanks.
00:03:23Okay.
00:03:24Bye.
00:03:25Oh, baby.
00:03:26You're so hot.
00:03:27I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:28Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:29Yeah.
00:03:30What was your name again?
00:03:31Rod.
00:03:32Sex guy.
00:03:33Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:38Yeah, right.
00:03:39I bet.
00:03:40You're right.
00:03:41I bet.
00:03:42Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:03:43Oh, no.
00:03:44Does not compute.
00:03:45Want to talk to me?
00:03:46You're so hot.
00:03:47You're so hot.
00:03:48I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:49Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:50Yeah.
00:03:51What was your name again?
00:03:52Rod.
00:03:53Sex guy.
00:03:54Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:57Yeah, right.
00:03:58I bet.
00:04:05Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:08Oh, no.
00:04:09Does not compute.
00:04:11I want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:17Oh, huh.
00:04:18Hi.
00:04:20When did you get home?
00:04:21So is it true?
00:04:22Yes, it is.
00:04:24It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:28I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:33and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:36So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:38Lexi, tell her.
00:04:39Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:43On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:45Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:47Or maybe even like our 29th.
00:04:508th.
00:04:51Maybe.
00:04:52Maybe.
00:04:53Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:01I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:05But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:11We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:14Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:18It's not Jake.
00:05:20It's the male ideal.
00:05:22Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:27Right.
00:05:28Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:30I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:31I'm not really an artist.
00:05:33Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:35Point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:39And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:41I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:42And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:44Look, I can go either way.
00:05:46I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:50I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:53Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:57But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:02You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:09Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:11To church to pray for you.
00:06:13I want to be first in line.
00:06:15I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:18Yeah, me too.
00:06:28Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:30It's been four days since my last confession.
00:06:32I accused myself of the following sins.
00:06:34Mm-hmm.
00:06:36Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:40It's about sex.
00:06:42Mm-hmm.
00:06:44I mean, not me.
00:06:45I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:47Uh-huh.
00:06:49I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:51Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:54But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.
00:06:58But there was nothing there.
00:06:59Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:00My best friends.
00:07:01They're gonna do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:02Okay.
00:07:03Third base.
00:07:04What?
00:07:05No.
00:07:06Like, sex.
00:07:07Like, intercourse?
00:07:08With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:09I mean, they really need us intervention.
00:07:10If you know what I mean.
00:07:11All the way.
00:07:12Go all the way.
00:07:13What?
00:07:14What?
00:07:15Ah!
00:07:16How could you do this?
00:07:17You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:19What?
00:07:20Yes.
00:07:21Yes!
00:07:22Yes!
00:07:23Run!
00:07:24Run!
00:07:25Home run!
00:07:26Ah!
00:07:27Damn it!
00:07:28Fucking Yankees.
00:07:29Sorry.
00:07:30Sorry.
00:07:31What?
00:07:32How could you do this?
00:07:33You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:35What?
00:07:36Yes!
00:07:37Yes!
00:07:38Run!
00:07:39Run!
00:07:40Home run!
00:07:41Ah!
00:07:42Damn it!
00:07:43Fucking Yankees.
00:07:44Sorry.
00:07:45Ow!
00:07:46Ow!
00:07:47Ow!
00:07:48Ow!
00:07:49Ow!
00:07:50Ah!
00:07:51Damn it!
00:07:52Oh, fucking Yankees.
00:07:55Sorry.
00:07:56Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:19What do you have a little consideration?
00:08:21I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:26I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:31Do you hear me?
00:08:32I want to do it.
00:08:34This weekend, on our birthday.
00:08:37Do what?
00:08:39It, screw, screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs, you know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:48You do.
00:08:50But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:55Oh, I got a sign.
00:08:56At church.
00:08:57Really?
00:08:59Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:03So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:08Right.
00:09:10I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:12Hey, Frank.
00:09:25Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:27I don't know.
00:09:27Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah.
00:09:29He's blind.
00:09:30Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:33Wait, are you back?
00:09:39Hey.
00:09:40Um, I was wondering.
00:09:41We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthday.
00:09:45Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see at my short?
00:09:47Well, the house looks done.
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:05And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:11So, okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with.
00:10:14Jake.
00:10:14And I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:16But Sue, who are you going to pick?
00:10:18To pop your chair.
00:10:20It's easy.
00:10:21I've known for the past six years.
00:10:22Ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:27I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:29My soulmate.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:43Sue, you, um, might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:48I mean...
00:10:48What?
00:10:48No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:50He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:53Plus, his name's Chris.
00:10:54It's a sign.
00:10:55Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:01What?
00:11:02He does not.
00:11:03Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:05He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:07With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:11Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:16Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:19See you in the morning.
00:11:20See you in the morning.
00:11:25I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:28I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:30I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:55You're so perfect.
00:12:01You're so perfect.
00:12:01You're so perfect.
00:12:25Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:12:54Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:09Oh, my gosh.
00:13:32They're coming.
00:13:33Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:41It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:43I'm going to say it.
00:13:44You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:46He's going to be really sexy.
00:13:48It's stupid.
00:13:49Just screw him.
00:13:50That's what he wants.
00:13:51That's what all guys want.
00:13:52Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ.
00:13:55Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:57Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:03A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:08Guys, seriously, come on, hurry up.
00:14:10Oh.
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:16I love it.
00:14:18Um, you should put that down, though,
00:14:20because it's, like, it's really...
00:14:21Very fragile.
00:14:22Yeah.
00:14:23Okay.
00:14:23Set it down.
00:14:25Hurry up.
00:14:26Bye.
00:14:28Those were your anal beats, right?
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30I thought so.
00:14:30Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:14:43Oh, Attack of the Wet T-Shirts.
00:14:57That's nice.
00:14:58Nice.
00:14:59Let's go.
00:15:00Oh, fuck.
00:15:03Check, check, check, check, check.
00:15:07Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:08No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:15but be careful it stings.
00:15:16And the other one is edible miscellaneous.
00:15:19Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:23Please come here.
00:15:28Poster, such a cutie.
00:15:31Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:33All right, sorry. Are you okay now?
00:15:35Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:36Okay, we'll see you later.
00:15:38I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:15:42This is crazy.
00:15:43Jake!
00:15:44Hi!
00:15:45Hey, Ben.
00:15:46Happy birthday.
00:15:48Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:52What?
00:15:53You want a beer?
00:15:57No.
00:16:01Oh, hon.
00:16:02Come here.
00:16:03I have your present here.
00:16:07I'll give it to you later when the time's right.
00:16:09Aw.
00:16:10You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:12And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:18Hey, Rob.
00:16:20We need you to settle this bed over here real quick.
00:16:22A little bit.
00:16:24All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:28Hey.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30How you doing?
00:16:31Good.
00:16:32How you doing?
00:16:33Good.
00:16:41Check it out!
00:16:43Dare me?
00:16:48Woo!
00:16:55Look at the dude.
00:16:56Look at the daddy.
00:16:57Oh, dude.
00:16:58Look at those.
00:16:59Are those real?
00:17:00I don't...
00:17:01Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:02Hey!
00:17:03Ah, dude!
00:17:04Move!
00:17:05Come on, lame!
00:17:06Oh.
00:17:07All right.
00:17:08Okay.
00:17:09I'll see you guys later.
00:17:10Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:11Aw, the moves.
00:17:1220 bucks says, by the end of the day, I will be motorboating those kitties.
00:17:16Yeah!
00:17:18They're fake anyways.
00:17:19Who cares?
00:17:20Okay.
00:17:21Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:22I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:26Sue, no.
00:17:27It's your birthday.
00:17:28Here, let me.
00:17:29Joanna, no.
00:17:30Just go enjoy the birdie.
00:17:31Come on.
00:17:32I win.
00:17:33Hey, do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:34I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:47Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:48I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:49It just, like, disappeared.
00:17:51Are these real?
00:18:04Of course they are.
00:18:05How come I haven't met you before?
00:18:08I don't know.
00:18:09Maybe he's gonna be around.
00:18:10Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:12Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:15Maybe upstairs.
00:18:16I don't know.
00:18:17Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.
00:18:20That's probably where he went.
00:18:22Oh, well.
00:18:25Liquid courage?
00:18:26Yeah.
00:18:27Mm-hmm.
00:18:28Atta girl.
00:18:32Vodka cranberry?
00:18:33It's really simple.
00:18:36Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:37I can go meet around.
00:18:40Sue?
00:18:41Are you okay?
00:18:42Sue?
00:18:43Relax.
00:18:45They're just nice.
00:18:46Okay, nothing to be scared of.
00:18:47Seriously.
00:18:48It's gonna be fine.
00:18:49Is Chris here?
00:18:56Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No!
00:18:59He does not have gay face!
00:19:00I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm gonna do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:10No!
00:19:11He does not have gay face!
00:19:13He does not have gay face!
00:19:14I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:15I'm gonna do it.
00:19:16I'm gonna do this.
00:19:17Go back!
00:19:22Hey, you can do this.
00:19:23Just act like a slut.
00:19:28Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:30Yeah, my favorite chapter is Sodom and Gomorrah.
00:19:40Chris!
00:19:41Hi.
00:19:43Can I talk to you?
00:19:44Uh-huh.
00:19:46In private?
00:19:47No.
00:20:01Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02Hey, Lexi.
00:20:03What?
00:20:04Chris.
00:20:06You're so sexy.
00:20:07Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:20:10I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:17Oh!
00:20:18What are you doing?
00:20:19Is that wrong?
00:20:20Sue!
00:20:21What's gotten into you?
00:20:22Nothing.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:24I don't know how to do this.
00:20:25Sue.
00:20:27Sue.
00:20:28Sue.
00:20:30I understand these urges.
00:20:34And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39You do?
00:20:40I do.
00:20:41I really do.
00:20:43I like you too.
00:20:44Really?
00:20:45You do?
00:20:46I do.
00:20:47I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:51I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:55Right.
00:20:57Lexi said you were...
00:20:58Jesus.
00:20:59Oh.
00:21:00Batman.
00:21:01Of course.
00:21:02What did you think?
00:21:03Oh.
00:21:04Nothing.
00:21:05So we can still do this then?
00:21:07Oh.
00:21:08Sue.
00:21:10You know...
00:21:11For me...
00:21:14When I think about that man...
00:21:16Who died for our sins...
00:21:18When I think about him...
00:21:20Up there on that cross...
00:21:22So helpless.
00:21:23Yet so...
00:21:25Muscular.
00:21:26With his strong...
00:21:28Thighs...
00:21:30Crossed over each other.
00:21:31So...
00:21:33Delicately.
00:21:34Beneath that...
00:21:35Ragged...
00:21:36Loin cloth.
00:21:38Growing so hot.
00:21:40So sweaty.
00:21:41Under that hot...
00:21:43Hot sun.
00:21:45I just feel such...
00:21:47Compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things too.
00:21:50So you understand...
00:21:52Why I can't do this?
00:21:54Not really.
00:21:55I just find it too hard...
00:21:57It is...
00:21:58To...
00:21:59Give in to carnal pleasure...
00:22:01When...
00:22:02He sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:05So...
00:22:06To...
00:22:07To...
00:22:08To...
00:22:09To...
00:22:10To...
00:22:12To...
00:22:16We're gonna go out there, right?
00:22:17Andy, we're gonna tell you...
00:22:18Don't even know.
00:22:19Hey, Ty.
00:22:20Whoa!
00:22:22Did you see Jake?
00:22:23Uh, no.
00:22:24No.
00:22:25Alright.
00:22:29Okay.
00:22:30Alright, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:31Oh, there he is.
00:22:41Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:56How could he?
00:22:57No.
00:23:00Sue?
00:23:01What happened?
00:23:02Did you guys do it?
00:23:03Sue?
00:23:05He doesn't want me.
00:23:07Because he's gay.
00:23:08No, he's not.
00:23:09He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:11Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:13The only reason you even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you.
00:23:17Look, the only way you were gonna find out what kind of man you really want is to know what kind of woman you really are deep inside.
00:23:27What?
00:23:28Come with me.
00:23:29Where?
00:23:30To meet your dark side.
00:23:38Out!
00:23:39Everyone out!
00:23:40Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:24:04I really can't.
00:24:05I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:07I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:13I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:20Can you see it?
00:24:22Sue.
00:24:23I'm almost...
00:24:28I'm almost there.
00:24:34What?
00:24:36What?
00:24:37Sue, what happened?
00:24:38What did you see?
00:24:40A raccoon?
00:24:41What?
00:24:43You overshot it.
00:24:44Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:45I can't.
00:24:53Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:54Okay, fine.
00:24:55Fine.
00:24:57I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:25:00What?
00:25:01You really need an orgasm.
00:25:04Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:09This really has to be your first step.
00:25:10Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:12Coming.
00:25:13Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:15Just find it and use it.
00:25:18Wait, what does the black vibrator look like?
00:25:20It's black.
00:25:21It vibrates.
00:25:24Come on, Rod.
00:25:26Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:28And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:31Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:49Boozeye!
00:25:54Bang. Bang. Bang.
00:25:59Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:01Good boy.
00:26:02Good boy.
00:26:04He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:07I'm sure I can't see anything.
00:26:09That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:11What a bitch.
00:26:13Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:16Ah!
00:26:22Ah!
00:26:24Ah!
00:26:25Oh shit!
00:26:26What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:27Nice shot!
00:26:28Direct hit!
00:26:29Oh shit!
00:26:30What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:31Nice shot!
00:26:32Direct hit!
00:26:33Oh shit!
00:26:34Oh shit!
00:26:35What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:36Nice shot!
00:26:37Direct hit!
00:26:38Oh shit!
00:26:39Oh shit!
00:26:40Oh shit!
00:26:41What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:42Nice shot!
00:26:43Oh shit!
00:26:44Oh shit!
00:26:45Oh shit!
00:26:46Oh butter!
00:26:47Oh butter!
00:26:48What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:50Uh huh!
00:26:55What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:56Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:09Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:12He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:15For sure?
00:27:16I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:19so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:20That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag. How dare he?
00:27:24No, it's awful.
00:27:25I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:33It's a text. It's from him.
00:27:35I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:36Okay. He's looking for you.
00:27:39He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:42Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:44I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:45No, you can't just leave.
00:27:47Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:50I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:51No.
00:27:52He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:55Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:57I see only one option.
00:28:00I'm leaving.
00:28:01Revenge sex.
00:28:02Re... I mean, what? What does that even mean?
00:28:04It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:11Revenge sex.
00:28:13Re... I mean, what? What does that even mean?
00:28:14It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:22He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:23I mean, why would...
00:28:23He's just into other girls.
00:28:25Trust me, he'll care.
00:28:27Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:30To his ego.
00:28:31To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:35Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:38No, I... I couldn't.
00:28:42Plus, I mean, there's... there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:46Eric! He's perfect!
00:28:48Eric Hall? Are you kidding?
00:28:50I mean, he wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type.
00:28:54Really? And what type is that?
00:28:56Slutty.
00:28:58Yeah.
00:28:59Trust me, he's amazing.
00:29:00I fooled around with him once. He has this great tongue, right?
00:29:03Oh, no. I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.
00:29:06Okay, then. Fine.
00:29:08We will find someone else.
00:29:10Someone that I haven't...
00:29:12fooled around with.
00:29:16Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him?
00:29:18I mean, it's like you're not going to marry the guy.
00:29:21No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:23Fine.
00:29:23If you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing,
00:29:28to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage,
00:29:31and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,
00:29:33and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:29:36But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:40I don't know.
00:29:43But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:47I don't know.
00:29:49Trust me.
00:29:50It's going to work.
00:29:51I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:30:00Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:01Okay, enough to chat with her.
00:30:03Oh, no.
00:30:03Hey.
00:30:15Happy birthday.
00:30:19Thanks.
00:30:29Oh.
00:30:29Oh.
00:30:33Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:46So, happy birthday.
00:30:52Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:56But it's actually from us.
00:30:57U.S.
00:30:59America?
00:30:59United States?
00:31:03I know where we live.
00:31:04Right.
00:31:05Of course.
00:31:09I know where we live.
00:31:11Right.
00:31:12Of course.
00:31:17Hey, Jesus, Eric.
00:31:18Are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:20Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:21Yeah, no.
00:31:21I can totally move.
00:31:22I just...
00:31:23No.
00:31:23You're fine.
00:31:24You're fine.
00:31:24You're fine.
00:31:24You're fine.
00:31:26You're fine.
00:31:28You're fine.
00:31:29I can't do it.
00:31:36Jake!
00:31:38So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:41Oh.
00:31:42I'm sorry.
00:31:43It?
00:31:44What, um...
00:31:45It.
00:31:46Like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket.
00:31:50Get real nasty.
00:31:52Oh!
00:31:53Oh!
00:31:53You mean, like, uh, right now?
00:31:57I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:59You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:02Yeah, sure.
00:32:03I mean, well, yeah, of course.
00:32:04Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:06I mean, uh, it's just, you're so, you're so beautiful.
00:32:19Okay.
00:32:19Um.
00:32:19Hmm?
00:32:20Uh, no kissing.
00:32:23Right.
00:32:24Um, of course.
00:32:26Sorry.
00:32:26So, um, do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:34Oh, wow.
00:32:34Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:39Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:41Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:45Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:47Yeah, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:50Organic.
00:32:51Yep.
00:32:54So, the wrap.
00:32:55Right.
00:32:56Um.
00:32:58Well, where's the, uh...
00:32:59It's, uh, the end is...
00:33:01I just, like, right over here.
00:33:01Oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:02Yeah.
00:33:03That's where I see it.
00:33:04Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:05Got it.
00:33:06Uh.
00:33:07Ow, ow, ow.
00:33:08Oh, sorry.
00:33:08Sorry, sorry.
00:33:09I, um...
00:33:10It's...
00:33:10It's okay.
00:33:11Do it again.
00:33:14Sorry, I, uh, I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:17You know what?
00:33:18Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:20Okay.
00:33:25Uh, let me just see.
00:33:29Oh, here it is.
00:33:30I got it.
00:33:31All right.
00:33:31Just, um, pull it.
00:33:33Let me just...
00:33:34Oh, jeez.
00:33:38Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:39You okay?
00:33:40Help me.
00:33:40Help.
00:33:41Uh.
00:33:44Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:45Oh, jeez.
00:33:52Well, that was stupid.
00:33:57Yeah.
00:34:03How you doing tonight?
00:34:05You having a good time?
00:34:06Yeah?
00:34:07You good?
00:34:07Jake!
00:34:08I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:11What?
00:34:12I can't hear you.
00:34:14I need another beer.
00:34:16Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:17Jake!
00:34:17So are you...
00:34:18Upstairs.
00:34:20Yeah.
00:34:21Hold on.
00:34:22I'll take a piss.
00:34:23How much beer?
00:34:24I've been a good time.
00:34:27Oh.
00:34:40Oh, ah, ah.
00:34:41Ah, ah, ah.
00:34:42Ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:34:44Ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:34:46Ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:34:50Finally, I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:34:56Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:34:58Um, don't worry about it.
00:35:00What?
00:35:01I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:05Oh.
00:35:07Well, OK.
00:35:08OK.
00:35:20OK.
00:35:21OK.
00:35:22OK.
00:35:23I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:35:26Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:28Um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:35:30What?
00:35:31I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:35Oh.
00:35:37Well, OK.
00:35:38OK.
00:35:39OK.
00:35:40Um.
00:36:09What are you doing?
00:36:25Uh, I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:32Um, not yet.
00:36:34More foreplay.
00:36:35Huh?
00:36:36Oh.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:41Oh.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:43So good.
00:36:44Oh.
00:36:45Yep.
00:36:46Oh, my God.
00:36:47Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:48What?
00:36:49What?
00:36:50What?
00:36:51Ah.
00:36:52Ah.
00:36:53Oh.
00:36:54Ah.
00:36:55Ah.
00:36:56Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:57Is that even a thing?
00:36:58I don't know.
00:36:59Ah.
00:37:00Are you OK?
00:37:02No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:04It's, uh.
00:37:06It's fine.
00:37:07I'm just embarrassed.
00:37:08It's probably TMJ or fracture or swollen.
00:37:13Are you sure you're OK?
00:37:14Yeah, yeah.
00:37:15I'm fine.
00:37:16OK, great.
00:37:17Have fun.
00:37:18Oh.
00:37:19Ah.
00:37:20Now.
00:37:21Now, let's do it now.
00:37:22No, not yet.
00:37:23Not yet.
00:37:24Not yet.
00:37:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:27No.
00:37:28No, no, no, no, no, not yet.
00:37:29Lexi!
00:37:30Oh, shit.
00:37:31Oh.
00:37:32I'm gonna come.
00:37:35I'm gonna come.
00:37:36No, not yet.
00:37:36Not yet.
00:37:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:39No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:40Lexi, Lexi.
00:37:42Oh, no, no, not yet.
00:37:47Lexi, Lexi.
00:37:49Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:52Huh?
00:37:53Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:54I'm sorry.
00:37:55I'm sorry.
00:37:55It's been a really long time and I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:38:02Uh-oh.
00:38:05Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:08How you doing?
00:38:10How's it going?
00:38:11Good.
00:38:12Eric?
00:38:13Eric, help me. I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:17Excuse me.
00:38:21Cheryl's in here.
00:38:27Sup, bruh?
00:38:28What the fuck is...
00:38:32Hey, wait!
00:38:34Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:42Oh, I'm sorry. I can't see. I'm blind.
00:38:46Damn it.
00:38:47I'm gonna save somebody to that bitch.
00:38:50Hey, you!
00:38:52You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:38:54or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:58I'm so sorry!
00:38:59I'm so sorry!
00:39:00I'll never make fun of the blind again!
00:39:05Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:28This party's ass.
00:39:32Yeah.
00:39:35This just isn't working out.
00:39:40Nothing.
00:39:41What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:43Lock your character, man.
00:39:46Lock your sticks.
00:39:48Spark it up.
00:39:49Yes.
00:39:50All right.
00:39:53Oh, man.
00:39:54I love this game.
00:39:55We're in the controllers.
00:39:56We've got to play.
00:39:57Here, here, here.
00:39:58OK, let me find another one.
00:39:59All right, fly it on.
00:40:02Whoa.
00:40:04Whoa.
00:40:05Look at this.
00:40:06Oh, my God.
00:40:07Pew, pew, pew.
00:40:08Whoa, whoa, man.
00:40:09Get that thing away.
00:40:10Jesus.
00:40:11Oh.
00:40:13Hey, dude.
00:40:14Nice shot.
00:40:15Wasn't me.
00:40:16Whoa.
00:40:17Whoa, whoa, nice.
00:40:18Are you sitting there or something?
00:40:19Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:20Nice.
00:40:21Nice.
00:40:22Nice.
00:40:23Nice.
00:40:24Nice.
00:40:25Nice.
00:40:26Nice.
00:40:27Are you sitting there or something?
00:40:29Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:30Nice.
00:40:31Nice.
00:40:32Nice.
00:40:33Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:35Whoa.
00:40:36You are the controller.
00:40:37No.
00:40:38I just.
00:40:39I didn't.
00:40:40I swear.
00:40:41I.
00:40:42I.
00:40:43I didn't.
00:40:44I swear.
00:40:45I.
00:40:46I.
00:40:47Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:48Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:49Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:53Whoa.
00:40:59You are the controller.
00:41:02No.
00:41:03I just.
00:41:04You are the controller.
00:41:05Oh.
00:41:06I didn't.
00:41:07I swear.
00:41:08I.
00:41:09I didn't.
00:41:11I swear.
00:41:12I.
00:41:13I.
00:41:14I.
00:41:15I.
00:41:16I.
00:41:17I.
00:41:18I.
00:41:19I.
00:41:20I.
00:41:21I.
00:41:22I.
00:41:23I.
00:41:24I.
00:41:25I.
00:41:26I.
00:41:27I.
00:41:28I.
00:41:29I.
00:41:30I.
00:41:31I.
00:41:32I.
00:41:33Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:36Yeah, I just needed to, um...
00:41:39Oh, sure.
00:41:41Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:47You were?
00:41:48You mean...
00:41:50Yeah.
00:41:54So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:57Can we go get a drink?
00:41:58Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged.
00:42:05You know what?
00:42:06I gotta go.
00:42:07Um, happy birthday.
00:42:08Uh, no, Chris.
00:42:09No, there wasn't.
00:42:10I didn't...
00:42:11Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:25This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:27Never going to have sex.
00:42:29Ow.
00:42:49Hello?
00:42:50A little attention here.
00:42:52Oh, yeah.
00:42:53Sorry.
00:42:59Lex, don't be selfish.
00:43:01Oh, right.
00:43:02Sorry.
00:43:03Ugh.
00:43:04Jeez.
00:43:05Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:07Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:09Screw it.
00:43:11Ugh.
00:43:12Ugh.
00:43:13Ugh.
00:43:14Geez.
00:43:15Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:17Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:18Screw it.
00:43:19Ugh.
00:43:20Fucking multitasking.
00:43:21Screw it.
00:43:30Ugh.
00:43:31Ugh.
00:43:32Ugh.
00:43:33Uh, ugh.
00:43:35Oh, awful.
00:43:51Oh, shit.
00:43:53Ugh.
00:43:54Uh, uh, it's well in the sink.
00:43:55Oh, no, that was bad.
00:44:06That was so bad.
00:44:19Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:22I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:30Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:34Yes, it does.
00:44:36So, you're JJ?
00:44:37Uh-oh.
00:44:52Hello.
00:45:01Welcome to 1-900 Confess.
00:45:03Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:05A nun.
00:45:06Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:13Please hold.
00:45:14Oh, my goodness.
00:45:151-900 Confession.
00:45:20How may I be of service?
00:45:21It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:24I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:26One day.
00:45:29Ow!
00:45:34Is that too long?
00:45:35I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:38Go on.
00:45:39Uh, OK.
00:45:41Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:44Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.
00:45:46What's her problem?
00:45:48A washing machine touched her.
00:45:51Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine, and, well.
00:45:54All right, freak.
00:45:55Time's up.
00:45:56What?
00:45:57But what do I do?
00:45:58Just unplug the thing.
00:45:59No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:46:03Well, then be happy.
00:46:05You found the perfect man.
00:46:06I'm serious.
00:46:07Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so I'll tell you this.
00:46:13Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:16No contritions?
00:46:18You broke no covenant with God.
00:46:20It's not in the Bible.
00:46:22So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:25Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:28Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:31Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:33Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:35Huh.
00:46:37God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:39He sure is.
00:46:40Now run along.
00:46:44Wow.
00:46:45How do you know all that?
00:46:48Because I'm a nun.
00:46:49Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:46:52Huh.
00:46:52Accidental masturbation.
00:46:54Who would have thunk?
00:47:04Revenge sex.
00:47:05What a stupid fucking idea.
00:47:07God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:11Yeah, admit it.
00:47:12I've got no game.
00:47:14I guess I can scare you.
00:47:15I guess I don't feel good.
00:47:20Fucking douchebag.
00:47:21I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:27You go, girl.
00:47:29What?
00:47:31What are you doing here?
00:47:33We needed someplace private.
00:47:35But hey, listen.
00:47:36If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:38Yeah?
00:47:39If you want someone great.
00:47:40I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:44No offense.
00:47:46Frank.
00:47:46The blind guy.
00:47:48Really?
00:47:49I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:53I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:55It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:58It was like, we used all our senses.
00:48:01Everything.
00:48:03If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:07All right.
00:48:07What about him?
00:48:15Jeremy.
00:48:16Oh, yeah.
00:48:17I know Jeremy.
00:48:18Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:21I didn't know his last name, though.
00:48:23It's Jones.
00:48:25Jeremy Jones.
00:48:26This all makes sense.
00:48:28Excuse me.
00:48:30Jeremy.
00:48:32Hi.
00:48:32Hey.
00:48:33Who's on the phone?
00:48:34Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:35Um, you'll meet her.
00:48:37I'll have to be here in like an hour.
00:48:39Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:53Oh.
00:48:54Hi, Frank.
00:48:56Sit.
00:49:00Oh, you meant, you meant the dog.
00:49:05Relax.
00:49:05You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:18Oh, I'm, I'm relaxed.
00:49:20I'm fine.
00:49:21Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:23I'm not.
00:49:26How did you know that?
00:49:30Corner.
00:49:34Sit.
00:49:34Roll over.
00:49:40Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Roll over.
00:49:47Oh, you mean me.
00:49:49Oh, how do you, how do you want me to...
00:49:52Just lay down.
00:49:53You want me to...
00:49:53Oh, I shouldn't even be doing this, but considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:09Okay.
00:50:10Okay.
00:50:14Oh.
00:50:17See me with your hands.
00:50:22All right.
00:50:23Uh...
00:50:23You know, I should really...
00:50:31I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:33Really.
00:50:37Oh.
00:50:46Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:47You have a boyfriend.
00:51:01All right.
00:51:01Frank.
00:51:02Frank.
00:51:03Oh.
00:51:04Oh.
00:51:06Oh, Frank.
00:51:08Oh, Frank.
00:51:09All right.
00:51:10I'll let you record Saturday.
00:51:10All right.
00:51:11No, man.
00:51:33Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:34My chips, homeboy.
00:51:36Dude, give me a chip, man.
00:51:37My chips.
00:51:38Dude.
00:51:38My chip.
00:51:39Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:41My chips.
00:51:43Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:46Sorry.
00:51:54It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:57That's all.
00:52:01No, let me do this.
00:52:03Go ahead.
00:52:03I got it.
00:52:04I got it.
00:52:05No, really, please.
00:52:05I want to help.
00:52:09Okay, everybody out.
00:52:10Leave.
00:52:12I have to back you.
00:52:26You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:27They're over here.
00:52:28I see some dust over here, so it's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:38It's a dirty floor.
00:52:40It's such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:44I think I got all that.
00:52:58I'm just going to see you.
00:53:00I'm just going to see you.
00:53:02Oh.
00:53:02I think I got all that.
00:53:03I'm just going to see you.
00:53:06Oh.
00:53:06I think I got all that.
00:53:07I'm just going to see you.
00:53:09Oh.
00:53:10Frankie.
00:53:20Frankie.
00:53:21Oh, my.
00:53:22Oh.
00:53:22What was that?
00:53:23What?
00:53:24Ah, fucking shit.
00:53:26Oh, man.
00:53:26We got to smoke.
00:53:27Oh, we can smoke in here.
00:53:30Stop.
00:53:31Frank.
00:53:31Stop teasing Frank.
00:53:33Oh, shit.
00:53:34Sorry, man.
00:53:36We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:38Oh, I heard something.
00:53:39You want to join us?
00:53:40Uh, no.
00:53:41Come on.
00:53:42You got to do it.
00:53:43Come on.
00:53:44Seriously, guys.
00:53:44I need to go back.
00:53:45What's the dog, man?
00:53:46Dude.
00:53:46What's it like being blinded?
00:53:47It's tripping.
00:53:52Frank?
00:53:54Frank, are we going to do something soon?
00:53:58Bro, you are too funny.
00:54:02Thanks, man.
00:54:02Oh, this is some good stuff.
00:54:05I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:06Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:09Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:10I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:15Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:16This is some good shit.
00:54:32Oh, no.
00:54:36You're the devil.
00:54:38No more.
00:54:42JJ, I'm Jeremy.
00:54:44You have to remember that amazing time we had together,
00:54:47don't you?
00:54:48Please.
00:54:49Lex, I can't.
00:54:51I mean, I've got a girlfriend.
00:54:53I really like this girl.
00:54:55Fine.
00:54:56It's just so sad because I'm wearing this coupless bra,
00:55:01and I also have on crotchless panties
00:55:04with just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:07for extra stimulation.
00:55:13We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:16Perfect.
00:55:21Before she gets here.
00:55:22Perfect.
00:55:33Let's do it.
00:55:34Let's do it.
00:55:35Fuck me.
00:55:36Fuck me now.
00:55:37What?
00:55:42What's wrong?
00:55:43I can't.
00:55:44I can't get it in.
00:55:46Just try down there.
00:55:47It's like desert down there.
00:55:49It's sandpaper.
00:55:51Just.
00:55:51OK, I get the picture.
00:55:53Just try it again.
00:55:56No.
00:55:57Why is this happening?
00:55:59We fooled around before.
00:56:01I was dripping wet.
00:56:02I came like four times, remember?
00:56:04Just do what you did then.
00:56:05Go on.
00:56:06I already did my thing.
00:56:07I already tried.
00:56:09What?
00:56:10What?
00:56:10What is different this time?
00:56:12I don't know.
00:56:14Last time, I honestly don't even know
00:56:19what you're talking about.
00:56:20What?
00:56:22You're not JJ?
00:56:24But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:26How can you not be JJ?
00:56:28Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:31Where are you going?
00:56:32We're not done here.
00:56:33I can still do this.
00:56:35I just need a little bit of work.
00:56:36I can do this.
00:56:37I don't need JJ.
00:56:39I don't need anyone else.
00:56:40We can do this.
00:56:43Go team.
00:56:47What?
00:56:48Just keep going.
00:56:54Shit.
00:56:54Where's Jeremy?
00:57:06We were just, you know,
00:57:08Hey, babe.
00:57:11Just working out.
00:57:16How could you, you bastard?
00:57:18You might want to.
00:57:22What?
00:57:24What?
00:57:27Ah!
00:57:29Mariela!
00:57:30Mariela!
00:57:32You know, those aren't mine.
00:57:34At least not all of them.
00:57:36What is wrong with you?
00:57:38What is wrong with you?
00:57:44You used to be so pure.
00:57:47Well, no more.
00:57:47That's it.
00:57:49Really, that's the last one.
00:57:50long, long, long, long, long, long, long.
00:58:07Oh, man.
00:58:12Come on.
00:58:13Cheryl?
00:58:24What is it?
00:58:25What are you doing down here?
00:58:27Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out
00:58:30and get far, far away from here.
00:58:32What?
00:58:32Why?
00:58:33Nothing, just this blind guy and his dog and ugh.
00:58:38Honey, it's going to be OK.
00:58:40No, it's not OK.
00:58:43God, and you know whose fault it is?
00:58:46I'm sorry.
00:58:47It's Jake's, Jake's fault.
00:58:49That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:51Yes, he is such a dickwad, you need to confront him.
00:58:56Yeah, yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:58I mean, it's my birthday, and where is he anyway?
00:59:01Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:59:03You know, you just call him here and give him
00:59:05a big piece of your mind.
00:59:06Yeah, big piece, a big old chunk of my mind,
00:59:09a big piece of it.
00:59:10Yeah.
00:59:12You know, you might want to, you need to look hot
00:59:15while you break up with him.
00:59:16Yeah, you're right.
00:59:18Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:19I don't know.
00:59:21I'm sorry, I'm so I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:34I got no game.
00:59:41It's not important.
00:59:42Hey, um.
00:59:55Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:57No, no, no, I really need to talk to you.
00:59:58Really, Eric, I can't right now.
01:00:00No, no, no, no.
01:00:01I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier,
01:00:04and I'm just embarrassed, and I want to make it up to you.
01:00:07Eric, really?
01:00:09I don't care.
01:00:10It's fine.
01:00:11No, but I do.
01:00:12I mean, I do.
01:00:13I care.
01:00:15I haven't known how to tell you, maybe because, I don't know,
01:00:19I'm a little shy.
01:00:20But I was wondering or hoping that we could go out sometime soon,
01:00:27because I'm going to be leaving for a little while,
01:00:29and it would be nice to go out with like.
01:00:31Really?
01:00:32Eric, you're shy.
01:00:33You have no game.
01:00:34Well, no, not really.
01:00:39Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:00:40Sorry.
01:00:44OK.
01:00:45All right.
01:00:46I, uh, happy birthday.
01:00:49Happy birthday, then.
01:01:01I'm sorry.
01:01:02I was trying to kiss you.
01:01:11Wow.
01:01:19Here I come, baby, get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:30Oh, Eric, stop.
01:01:31Um, we can't do this.
01:01:33Oh, god, baby.
01:01:33Not again.
01:01:34Oh, no, um.
01:01:35Honey, happy.
01:01:38What the fuck is this?
01:01:40Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:41OK, guys, don't.
01:01:46Cheryl, baby, what is this?
01:01:49Oh, gee, Cheryl.
01:01:52You're here.
01:01:53I've been looking for you all night, and you've been, oh, man,
01:01:56no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:58You couldn't find me?
01:01:59What about all those girls' vaginas you were in,
01:02:02or your penis getting sucked?
01:02:04Cheryl, honey.
01:02:05No, no.
01:02:06We can work this out.
01:02:08Baby, I love you.
01:02:09Jake, no, you have to go.
01:02:10Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:02:12I promise.
01:02:13No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:02:14I'm sorry.
01:02:15Oh, Cheryl, come on.
01:02:17No, Jake, please.
01:02:18Please, please, just go.
01:02:19Just go.
01:02:19I'm sorry.
01:02:20You're a harmless bitch!
01:02:22How can you do it?
01:02:23Yay!
01:02:25You did it.
01:02:26I am so proud of you.
01:02:27You got your revenge sex.
01:02:28You've left him a mere shell of a man.
01:02:30Revenge sex?
01:02:31It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:35Right.
01:02:36It all makes sense now.
01:02:40Wow.
01:02:41I feel really stupid.
01:02:43Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry.
01:02:46Cheryl, I really liked you, and you used me.
01:02:51Eric, please don't go.
01:02:52Please, Eric!
01:02:54Aren't you happy?
01:02:57Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:03:00I mean, the sex, was it?
01:03:03Yeah.
01:03:04No, we didn't quite do it.
01:03:06Oh.
01:03:07You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:08Really?
01:03:09I just never found the right guy.
01:03:11Or guys.
01:03:12Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:03:15People are starting to leave.
01:03:16I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:18I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:31This is bullshit.
01:03:32God!
01:03:33Oh!
01:03:34Oh!
01:03:35Oh!
01:03:36Dude, suck it!
01:03:37What the?
01:03:38God, I'm out of here.
01:03:40Yeah!
01:03:41He has good hair, though.
01:03:42I didn't hear that.
01:03:46Don't you puked on me.
01:03:49Don't tease my car, either.
01:03:50Right.
01:03:51Said, Frank, that I might need a vacation.
01:03:55Vacation, vacation.
01:03:58Take this information through your head.
01:04:02Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:04:06Was it from sex?
01:04:07Did you pop your cork?
01:04:08I don't think so.
01:04:09Not with the guy, anyway.
01:04:11Oh, don't ask.
01:04:12Every possible object.
01:04:15It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:16It was like transformers.
01:04:19They just all became vibrators.
01:04:21I told you.
01:04:22It's addicting.
01:04:25So what about Chris?
01:04:26Well, last time I saw him, he was running away
01:04:28for dear life.
01:04:29I told you he was gay.
01:04:31Well, I think I'm just, oh, cramp.
01:04:34Oh, I think it's broken.
01:04:37So wait.
01:04:40None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:46Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:49So I was going to go grab some food.
01:04:50Can I go?
01:04:51No, thank you.
01:04:53I think I should finish up here.
01:04:55Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:57No.
01:04:59I don't know.
01:05:00For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:05:03Or something.
01:05:05Why?
01:05:06Do you know him?
01:05:07Sort of.
01:05:08Oh.
01:05:09Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:11just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:19Love him.
01:05:20Shut it.
01:05:21I don't want to hear it from you.
01:05:22I don't want to get married.
01:05:23You want to do it.
01:05:24All right, all right, all right.
01:05:25All right.
01:05:33What?
01:05:34It's not the only way you're taking me.
01:05:43It's not the only way you're taking me.
01:05:44I don't want to hear what you're taking.
01:05:45It's not the only way you're taking me.
01:05:49It's not the only way you're taking me.
01:05:51Uh-huh.
01:05:51No. No way.
01:06:08Oh well. There's always next year.
01:06:21It's you. I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:06:39Joanna.
01:06:51It's you.
01:06:55You.
01:06:57You.
01:07:07You.
01:07:09You.
01:07:41That's amazing.
01:07:44Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:47I guess something inspired me.
01:07:50He really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:54Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:07:59Whose?
01:08:00Eric's.
01:08:01Well, it's him, right?
01:08:04Oh.
01:08:06Yeah.
01:08:08I have to go see him.
01:08:10Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:261-900-confess.
01:08:29Sister Therese?
01:08:31Yeah, hon.
01:08:32There was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:34I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:37Oh, sure.
01:08:39It's 271.
01:08:41Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:46Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you, like take you back?
01:08:52Sure, hon.
01:08:53Why not?
01:08:54As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:57Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:59I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:09:04Something to let me know that it's all going to be okay.
01:09:08Sister?
01:09:09Can I get up now?
01:09:11I really got to pee.
01:09:12No!
01:09:13Hush your trap!
01:09:14Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back any time.
01:09:20I will.
01:09:22Thanks.
01:09:25Sister?
01:09:26Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!
01:09:29Eric, wait!
01:09:48Cheryl?
01:09:49Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:57I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:10:01I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:10:05The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:08Um, I, I do want to go out with you.
01:10:13And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:17I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these pink-
01:10:20Eric!
01:10:22Come on, I gotta get going.
01:10:24Oh, wow.
01:10:26Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:29Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:31Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:36Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days when I get back?
01:10:42Yeah, sure.
01:10:49Oh, sorry, no kissing, right?
01:10:52No, kissing.
01:10:53Oh.
01:10:53Mmm.
01:10:54Mmm.
01:10:55Mmm.
01:10:56Mmm.
01:10:57Mmm.
01:10:58Mmm.
01:10:59Mmm.
01:11:00Mmm.
01:11:01Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:14I, I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:17Wait, what?
01:11:18I never did that.
01:11:20I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:22She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:29She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:32I wonder who it was.
01:11:33At least this birthday is over.
01:11:49At least this birthday's over.
01:12:05Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:08I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like send me a sign.
01:12:19Excuse me, excuse me.
01:12:44Do you know where the church is?
01:12:46It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:47Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:12:51Or used to go to.
01:12:52Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:58You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:13:00Oh, um, I don't know.
01:13:09Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:11Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:17Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:21I don't think so.
01:13:23But thanks.
01:13:24What's your name?
01:13:25Sue.
01:13:26What's yours?
01:13:28Jesus.
01:13:29Really?
01:13:31Si.
01:13:31Maybe I could use the ride.
01:13:35I don't know.
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