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  • 2 days ago
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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29CastingWords
00:01:59Oh, William.
00:02:08Foolish William.
00:02:11Your shoes are filthy.
00:02:14Yeah, what trick is this now?
00:02:17Don't you know what day it is?
00:02:19It's a day like any other since I tried to take your damn pot of gold.
00:02:22It's the 17th of March, the Feast of St. Patrick.
00:02:27And your birthday.
00:02:28Ah, tis a special birthday for a leprechaun.
00:02:32I'm 1,000 years old.
00:02:34Tonight, I can claim me pride.
00:02:43Could marry a creature like you.
00:02:45Wait till you gaze upon this lovely lass.
00:02:49Her lips so soft, her face so fair, her bosom so ample.
00:02:54She's a fit match for me.
00:02:55Now what evil trick will you use to woo her?
00:02:57It's simple.
00:02:59She sneezes once.
00:03:00She sneezes twice.
00:03:02She'll be me pride when she sneezes twice.
00:03:05Sneezes three times.
00:03:07Ah, and if no one saves her soul by speaking, God bless you, the fair maiden is mine forever.
00:03:13And am I to be her slave as well?
00:03:15Oh, no.
00:03:17The moment the lass is buried to me, then you, my slave, shall be set free.
00:03:22You'd like your freedom, wouldn't you, William?
00:03:25You know nothing is more precious to me than freedom.
00:03:28But why should I believe you?
00:03:29By the sacred vow of the wee people, when I am wed, you'll have your freedom.
00:03:35Behold, me chosen bride.
00:03:54May your wedding be blessed.
00:03:56And I'll thrash any soul who dare to try and stop this union.
00:04:09Oh, please, Master, no.
00:04:11What troubles you?
00:04:12Is she not beautiful enough for me?
00:04:14The girl, she's my daughter.
00:04:17Oh, really?
00:04:18And we are to be related.
00:04:33Please, Master.
00:04:35I swear, I'll find your skull a lass is fairer than she.
00:04:40Oh, don't worry.
00:04:41I'll be gentle with her on our wedding night.
00:04:46Now, just one more steam.
00:04:48And you'll have your precious freedom.
00:05:01God bless you, my child.
00:05:18You pathetic fool.
00:05:23You thought you could outsmart me, the genius of Killarney.
00:05:28A curse be placed upon your seed, William O'Day.
00:05:32You may have saved your daughter, but on me next thousandth birthday,
00:05:36I'll stalk your fairest offspring and flavor as me bride.
00:05:41Happy St. Patrick's Day.
00:05:44Happy St. Patrick's Day.
00:05:44Happy St. Patrick's Day.
00:05:45Hey.
00:05:46Happy St. Patrick's Day.
00:08:11Soon, soon, my dear.
00:08:23It's almost time.
00:08:41Trust me, this tour is incredible.
00:08:51You won't believe your eyes.
00:08:53It will be the most frightening experience of your life.
00:08:57Is it really scary?
00:08:59Let me put it this way.
00:09:00You're not pregnant, are you?
00:09:02Because our insurance won't cover us.
00:09:03We've had our problems.
00:09:05Hard conditions, emotionally unstable or suggestible, please stay away.
00:09:10This is not the tour for you.
00:09:12Let's go.
00:09:13Let's go.
00:09:13This is one of those rip-offs.
00:09:14Sure.
00:09:15Walk away.
00:09:16I understand.
00:09:17If hearing the actual sound of Jane Mansfield's head being severed from her body is too intense for you, well, then, you know, more power to you.
00:09:25Maybe you should try Disneyland.
00:09:29It's probably more your speed.
00:09:30Listen, sport, are you saying that...
00:09:32I'm not saying anything.
00:09:34I mean, this tour's too much for most people.
00:09:36Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:09:37You, sir!
00:09:38Are you interested in the uncut, uncensored truth about Hollywood's dark side?
00:09:45Hey, honey, didn't we see this the other night on a current event?
00:09:48No, sir, you did not.
00:09:49This is the stuff the TV networks just don't have the guts to show.
00:09:52I want to go.
00:09:54If you're too scared, you can just meet me back at the hotel.
00:09:57Step right in, madame.
00:09:59There's a window seat reserved just for you.
00:10:01Now, I am not scared.
00:10:02You can wait for her at this really cute ice cream parlor right down the block.
00:10:08Give me two tickets.
00:10:09Now, there's a brave man.
00:10:10You won't be sorry.
00:10:15Hey, an award-winning performance.
00:10:19Can we get a way out?
00:10:20I'll be just a minute.
00:10:21Let me just get these last two suckers, and then I'm all yours, okay?
00:10:24I understand.
00:10:24How can I compete with Jane Mansfield's severed head?
00:10:27Oh, you can't.
00:10:30You folks are in luck.
00:10:31We've just had two cancellations.
00:10:33Better grab these now.
00:10:34Our next opening isn't until December.
00:10:38Looks like our lucky day, huh?
00:10:39All right, sure.
00:10:41And there you go.
00:10:42Okay, down that way, right around the back.
00:10:45There, yep, there you are.
00:10:47Hop in.
00:10:48Right into the deluxe observation chamber.
00:10:52Be prepared, everybody.
00:10:53I will now summon your guide to the dark side.
00:10:56Mortimer, the all-knowing.
00:10:58Now it's just you, me, and a ton of hot steel going 200 miles an hour.
00:11:09Cody, we're going to the go-kart park, not the Indy 500.
00:11:13A boy can dream, can't he?
00:11:14I can't believe we're actually going to spend the afternoon together.
00:11:17Listen, this job's important.
00:11:19I've got to make enough money to pay for my sister's eye operation.
00:11:23Good plan.
00:11:24If only you had a sister.
00:11:25You know me too well.
00:11:27Let's go nab your uncle and split.
00:11:28Okay.
00:11:29Okay.
00:11:32Morty!
00:11:35I'm glad to see you guys got that cleaning lady.
00:11:38Hey, Morty!
00:11:38Hi, he's not under the shirts.
00:11:44Yeah, I know where he is.
00:11:48You look like the kind of man who can recognize a great opportunity when he sees one.
00:11:55Now, by investing in a dark side tour franchise, you can turn death into dollars.
00:12:01I can personally almost guarantee you a 45% annual return.
00:12:07How about you guarantee you'll pay for that last round?
00:12:11Frank, I am entertaining a client.
00:12:15Sir, by being a partial franchise, you can own 5% for a mere $600.
00:12:24What do you say?
00:12:25Do we have a deal?
00:12:30Your family will thank you.
00:12:37What is it?
00:12:41Bad luck.
00:12:43Come on.
00:12:45Frank, you are a witness to this transaction.
00:12:48Morty, let's go.
00:12:49We got a full hearse wait.
00:12:50Come on.
00:12:50Let him wait.
00:12:52May we have another round, please, to welcome the newest member of the dark side family.
00:12:59Bridget.
00:12:59It is always a delight to see you, you know.
00:13:04You are never too young to invest in your future.
00:13:07Morty, you've already given me a dozen brochures.
00:13:10I'll let you know when my father reads that, okay?
00:13:12She's a great kid, Cody.
00:13:14May I have that drink for some?
00:13:15What the hell is that?
00:13:26Red special rye.
00:13:28Cola and water.
00:13:29You've had enough.
00:13:30How dare you?
00:13:33I am as dry as can be.
00:13:39Cody, usual.
00:13:45This will just take a second.
00:13:51I'm sober.
00:13:53I'm sober!
00:13:56Wait.
00:13:57Wait.
00:14:01Okay.
00:14:03Okay.
00:14:04Give me a comb.
00:14:05I don't have one.
00:14:06You look fine.
00:14:06Come on.
00:14:08That's a great day today, Cody.
00:14:09I just sold another 5% share in the franchise.
00:14:14Look, Morty, we got a full hearse waiting for the tour.
00:14:17I even suckered two rubes for the deluxe package.
00:14:20Let's go.
00:14:20Just two?
00:14:22You're slipping, kid.
00:14:23I was in kind of a hurry.
00:14:25Bridget and I have a date to meet up with some kids from school down at the go-kart park.
00:14:28Ah, l'amour.
00:14:30But one day, you'll wake up, and you'll realize there is only one thing a woman wants.
00:14:37She will grab your heart, tear it out of your chest, and throw it on the floor.
00:14:43Not now, Morty.
00:14:44Please.
00:14:45They're waiting.
00:14:45Indeed they are.
00:14:47Now, where are my keys?
00:14:49The dark side awaits us.
00:14:55Where'd they put the door?
00:14:58You can't get the tour.
00:14:59Why not?
00:15:00Well, because you're plastered.
00:15:02So what difference does that make?
00:15:04What is rule number one?
00:15:05I know, I know.
00:15:07Never turn away a paying customer.
00:15:09I may be a little loose, but I am not so far gone that I will turn away a packed hearse.
00:15:17On the other hand, there's always rule number two.
00:15:21Which is?
00:15:22Never kill a paying customer.
00:15:25We may have to cancel the tour.
00:15:28Here.
00:15:29Give them their money back.
00:15:32Morty!
00:15:33You really are plastered.
00:15:34There's almost 300 bucks here.
00:15:37Cody!
00:15:38Let's go.
00:15:39We're already half an hour late.
00:15:44Give me the keys.
00:15:45Where are you going?
00:15:47Rule number three.
00:15:48There's no such thing as a refund.
00:15:50Remember?
00:15:51I'll give this stupid tour.
00:15:54It's my boy!
00:15:57Bridget.
00:15:57You ready to go?
00:15:59Uh, yeah.
00:16:03What is it?
00:16:06Well, we don't have to take the bus to the go-kart park.
00:16:09Um, Woody's going to give us a ride in the hearse.
00:16:12Sort of.
00:16:13Welcome, Death Seekers.
00:16:17I am Baron von Cody Stein, your substitute usher into the dark side.
00:16:23Our cruising altitude this afternoon will be six feet under.
00:16:28Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:16:30If there's anything we can do to make your tour more terrifying, please do not hesitate to scream.
00:16:43Is there going to be a bathroom stop?
00:16:45When are we going to see the death houses?
00:16:56There's some cards in the glove box.
00:16:57Give me number 15.
00:17:04Thanks.
00:17:06From this cliff, high above the Pacific Ocean, lies the death site of...
00:17:12You gave me the wrong card.
00:17:17Oh, did I?
00:17:21Here you go.
00:17:26My husband is sick, but he ain't dead.
00:17:29Get that creepy-ass vehicle off of my property.
00:17:32Hey, nobody's dead.
00:17:34Hey, stay out of this neighborhood.
00:17:35Don't you come back in this neighborhood no more.
00:17:37We don't need them like you and you.
00:17:39We have a healthy family here.
00:17:41We don't need you in this neighborhood.
00:17:43Uh, by the way, that was the final resting home of Bela Lugosi.
00:17:49Well, then who the hell was that?
00:17:52Uh, his stepdaughter, Stella Lugosi.
00:17:54Oh, hell.
00:17:55I should have taken the bus.
00:18:01Look, this is the last stop and then we're there, okay?
00:18:04I promise.
00:18:05You'll love this one.
00:18:06This is my favorite.
00:18:07These ruins you see on the right are all that remains of Harry Houdini's once vast mansion.
00:18:15Listen carefully and you can hear his screams.
00:18:19During his life, he could escape from any bonds.
00:18:23Yet his spirit cannot escape from these haunted grounds.
00:18:26Oh, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell
00:18:56Oh, my God.
00:19:26Oh, my God.
00:19:56Oh, my God.
00:20:26Oh, my God.
00:20:57Sit back, my friend.
00:20:59You may feel some pain.
00:21:01It is a pity I forgot me Novocade.
00:21:03Oh, my God.
00:21:33Now, rinse.
00:21:35Oh, my God.
00:21:36Oh, my God.
00:21:40Get out of here.
00:22:10Get out of here.
00:22:40Hey.
00:22:42Bridget.
00:22:47Can we just go outside and talk for a second?
00:22:49Cody.
00:22:52Still running that classy tour, huh?
00:22:55Come on, Bridget.
00:22:56Let's get down to the track.
00:22:58I saved a special crash helmet just for you.
00:23:00Don't you have to work?
00:23:02Not if you're here.
00:23:02I can get someone to cover for me.
00:23:12Hey, Billy.
00:23:13I gotta take the night off.
00:23:15Can you come down and watch the shop?
00:23:17Listen, Bridget.
00:23:18I'm really sorry.
00:23:18I'm talking all the time.
00:23:20Oh, my God!
00:23:21Andretti, no!
00:23:25These are our friends.
00:23:27Now, scram.
00:23:31That's just Andretti, our guard dog.
00:23:34Come on.
00:23:35Let's go start our engines.
00:23:39Bridget.
00:23:41Just give a second, okay?
00:23:43What if I come by and pick you up later?
00:23:47It's okay.
00:23:48I'm sure one of the guys could give me a ride home.
00:23:50Wait a second.
00:23:53Look, next time things will be different.
00:23:56What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
00:23:57Where are we going now?
00:24:03This is our moment of silence for the souls of the damn we visited on the tour.
00:24:09You know, this tour sucks.
00:24:10I told you this was a rip-on.
00:24:12Yeah, he's right.
00:24:14Why don't you just take us back to Broadway, okay?
00:24:15Fine.
00:24:15Operating the vehicle for hire with only a learner's permit, running a red light, endangering
00:24:31the lives of passengers, no insurance, and six-seat belt violations.
00:24:37These are serious offenses.
00:24:40That punk.
00:24:41When I get him home, I'm gonna throttle him.
00:24:44Just take it easy.
00:24:45I think we gave him a pretty good scare.
00:24:47Well, you just show me where to sign.
00:24:50I'll take him off your shoulders.
00:24:51I can only release him to his parents.
00:24:54Oh, his parents passed away three years ago.
00:24:57God rest their souls.
00:24:59I'm his legal guardian.
00:25:05Give him a pen.
00:25:06The kid with the Hurts.
00:25:18Sergeant, you look like you're about to retire.
00:25:22Have you ever thought about investing in a franchise?
00:25:26My pen.
00:25:28Oh, right.
00:25:29Well, you'll just keep this and think it through.
00:25:33Have a good night, Sergeant.
00:25:39What did you think?
00:25:40Did you think these guys wouldn't catch you?
00:25:42These are L.A.'s finest.
00:25:44Yeah, I guess I just wasn't thinking.
00:25:45Damn straight.
00:25:47Thank you, officer.
00:25:48Why don't you take one of these for yourself?
00:25:56You missed your calling.
00:25:57You should have been an actor.
00:25:57There's no money in it.
00:25:59How you feeling?
00:26:00My stomach, you know.
00:26:01Nothing little brumo won't cure.
00:26:05I'm telling you.
00:26:06This guy came out of a tree up on Houdini's plate.
00:26:09He tore my gold tooth out.
00:26:11Look.
00:26:11Can you give a description?
00:26:14Yeah, yeah.
00:26:15He was about three feet tall.
00:26:17Had a green suit and striped socks and a little hat.
00:26:19A little hat.
00:26:20And I bet he had little gold buckles on his little black shoes.
00:26:24Yeah, yeah, that's right.
00:26:25Yeah, sir.
00:26:26Happy St. Patrick's Day, boys.
00:26:28Get him out of here.
00:26:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:32Come on, look at me.
00:26:33He hurt me.
00:26:34He's going to hurt somebody else.
00:26:35Let me go.
00:26:37You see that?
00:26:39You keep drinking, you're going to see little green man.
00:26:41Don't be a wiseass.
00:26:43This place gives me creeps.
00:26:44Let's get out of here.
00:26:46Gonna be blown out of your head if you don't do something.
00:26:49He's going to hurt somebody else.
00:26:51Let me go.
00:26:51Let me go.
00:26:52He's going to hurt somebody.
00:26:53He hurt me.
00:26:53He's going to hurt me.
00:26:54All right.
00:26:59Spin, spin, me little guy.
00:27:01Point the way to me fresh young bride.
00:27:11What is this?
00:27:14It's a quarter.
00:27:16What'd you expect?
00:27:19Your gold would be nice.
00:27:21Funny.
00:27:23Tim Streeter, United Creative Agency.
00:27:25Call me if you get a showcase.
00:27:27He thinks I'm going to like this town.
00:27:44Finger licking good.
00:27:45Kiss me.
00:28:05Kiss me.
00:28:12You kiss me?
00:28:34Bridget?
00:28:42What are you doing?
00:28:44Shh, shh, shh.
00:28:4831 minutes. It's free.
00:28:52Nothing tastes as good as a free pizza.
00:28:55Now, if I could only figure out how to get free beer...
00:28:58Everything's a scam to you, isn't it?
00:29:00Damn right.
00:29:02Come on.
00:29:03Have some pizza.
00:29:05Nah, I ain't hungry.
00:29:07What's the matter?
00:29:09I think I really blew up Bridget today.
00:29:12She's a great girl.
00:29:14How could you do such a thing?
00:29:16Well, you got drunk,
00:29:18so I decided to break our date and give the stupid tour.
00:29:21You did the right thing.
00:29:23You went after the cash.
00:29:25Women are trouble every time.
00:29:28Forget it.
00:29:29Come on.
00:29:32We'll play some cards.
00:29:34Keep your eye.
00:29:36I'm the red card.
00:29:38Three card money.
00:29:39Whoa.
00:29:39Oh, it's a perfect game.
00:29:43The chump gets lured in.
00:29:45He forgets everything else.
00:29:47All he sees is that money in front of him.
00:29:51And then he gets that look in his eye.
00:29:54And you know he's a dead man.
00:29:57And then it's time.
00:29:58And you make your move.
00:30:03Where you going?
00:30:05I've been a chump.
00:30:06It's time to make my move.
00:30:12So, did you have a good time tonight?
00:30:14Yeah, thanks for the ride.
00:30:19Hey, wait up.
00:30:21You said your parents weren't home.
00:30:22So?
00:30:24Well, aren't you going to invite me in?
00:30:27Ian, you know I'm going out with Cody.
00:30:29I thought you guys called it quits.
00:30:31No, we didn't.
00:30:32Good night, Ian.
00:30:32Just a second.
00:30:34I took the whole night off for you.
00:30:36And what about those chili dogs?
00:30:39Ian, you better go.
00:30:40Come on.
00:30:42Just a couple of minutes.
00:30:43I said no.
00:30:46I get it.
00:30:47You're just a tease.
00:30:48We'll tease this.
00:30:54Stuck up bitch.
00:30:59Ian.
00:31:04Bridgette?
00:31:05Ian.
00:31:06I'm so sorry.
00:31:08I don't know what I was thinking.
00:31:10What are you thinking now?
00:31:14I was thinking maybe I could make it up to you.
00:31:19That's a start.
00:31:21Well, are you just going to stand there?
00:31:24You hear that?
00:31:41Ian.
00:31:43Come on.
00:31:46Why don't we go inside?
00:31:47This place is giving me the creeps.
00:31:48I may change my mind again.
00:31:51I may change my mind again.
00:31:51Kiss me.
00:31:58Come on.
00:31:58The vision before you pears to be true.
00:32:06The vision before you fears to be true, but a leprechaun's magic fools humans like you.
00:32:36Was it as good for you as it was for me?
00:32:51Bah! You shouldn't fall with me, lass!
00:32:56She sneezes once, she sneezes twice.
00:32:59She'll leave me right when she sneezes thrice.
00:33:06I mean, you idiot. Just never give up.
00:33:17Forget it!
00:33:25Get out of here, I'm gonna call the police.
00:33:33You really are mad at me.
00:33:36Trick or treat.
00:33:38I'm on holiday.
00:33:39Got it covered.
00:33:41Can I come in?
00:33:47This is a surprise.
00:33:53I was a real jerk today.
00:33:55Here, take them.
00:33:59They're beautiful.
00:34:00Not as beautiful as you.
00:34:03Do you forgive me?
00:34:05Cody?
00:34:06Yeah?
00:34:08I could never stay mad at you.
00:34:10I learned my lesson.
00:34:11From now on, I promise, nothing's gonna come between us.
00:34:22Let's go put these in some water.
00:34:23I buy you flowers and you're allergic.
00:34:31I'm not allergic.
00:34:32Come on.
00:34:36Cody, man, a few words.
00:34:39I didn't know if you'd be home.
00:34:40Didn't want you to think some stalker is leaving you flowers.
00:34:44Gesundheit, maybe you should put those in another room or something.
00:34:47It's not the flowers.
00:34:48But even if it was, it doesn't matter, because I love them.
00:34:55God bless you.
00:34:56Oh, my God!
00:35:04I've searched this fair land far and wide.
00:35:10At last, I've got me a leprechaun bride.
00:35:14Who are you?
00:35:15How'd you get in here?
00:35:22Cody!
00:35:25Somebody help!
00:35:29Somebody help!
00:35:36Please, what do you want?
00:35:38It's not a proper wedding without a wedding ring, now, is it?
00:35:41With this ring, I thee wed.
00:36:01I may now kiss the bride.
00:36:03I need to kiss the bride.
00:36:22I'll be back with you.
00:36:25Oh, God.
00:36:26Oh, God.
00:36:26Oh, God.
00:36:28Oh, God.
00:36:29Oh, God.
00:36:30Oh, God.
00:36:30And I'll be back with you.
00:36:32Oh, God.
00:36:32Oh, God.
00:36:33Are you okay?
00:36:42Yeah, I'm fine.
00:36:43Let's get the hell out of here.
00:36:47Kill me!
00:36:48This is crazy!
00:37:03A thousand years ago, a man stopped me from taking the bride.
00:37:09I'll not let it happen again.
00:37:11No, I'm fine!
00:37:14Bridget!
00:37:17Bridget!
00:37:19It ain't much, but it's home.
00:37:29What do you think of your bridal chamber?
00:37:33It's awful!
00:37:35I know it lacks a woman's touch, but you'll change that.
00:37:39Well, uh, shall we?
00:37:43Oh, God, please.
00:37:44Ah, now, now, me dear.
00:37:46I've waited a thousand years for this night, but it was worth it.
00:37:50Just to claim an O'Day for me bride.
00:37:53Oh, my name's not O'Day.
00:37:55You made a mistake.
00:37:57O'Day is in your blood.
00:38:00I can smell it.
00:38:03I know what you need.
00:38:05A little Irish whiskey.
00:38:07Just a put in the loot.
00:38:08Ha!
00:38:10Oh, okay.
00:38:11Die!
00:38:11Die!
00:38:12Die!
00:38:12Die!
00:38:12Die!
00:38:12Die!
00:38:12Die!
00:38:13Die!
00:38:14Die!
00:38:24Die!
00:38:26Die!
00:38:27Die!
00:38:27Die!
00:38:28Die!
00:38:28Die!
00:38:28Die!
00:38:29Die!
00:38:29Die!
00:38:29Die!
00:38:30Die!
00:38:30Die!
00:38:30Die!
00:38:31Die!
00:38:32Die!
00:38:33Die!
00:38:50Die!
00:38:51Die!
00:38:52Die!
00:38:52Die!
00:38:53Die!
00:38:53Die!
00:38:54A little family reunion. You have his cheekbones. I'm glad I have a frisky lass. I like to
00:39:10play games too. No, please. Let's play Bedtime for Bridget.
00:39:24How did we get here? A leprechaun's home has many surprises. That's no way to treat the father
00:39:34of your children. Oh, didn't I mention you'll be burying the wee one soon? Get me out of
00:39:42this! Silence!
00:39:54I'm going to have to make a few alterations. But afterward, you should be able to bear
00:40:01a full litter. These'll need sharpening. Why? Why are you doing this?
00:40:11Don't worry your little head about it. You'll get used to the pain. We'll have to make some
00:40:17changes to your face as well. It is a fair face. But the wee ones won't suckle if you
00:40:22don't look like them. They can be very demanding at times. Many changes. Many changes.
00:40:34No! Stop that! I just want to go home. But you are home, my sweet. And home is where
00:40:48you'll stay. Something new. Something old. Let's be together on leprechaun's gold.
00:41:01It's missing. A gold ceiling. It's not here. It's missing. I must have it back.
00:41:30Don't leave me tight here, please. I'll do anything. I'll do... I want to make myself
00:41:50look pretty for a wedding night. I want to look pretty for you. You're my husband now.
00:41:57I want to please you. That you will. Here's a proper wedding dress. Be sure you're wearing
00:42:14it when I return. But before I go, kiss me. I'm Irish.
00:42:21That's just a taste of things to come. I'm going to get me gold. You'll try to escape. But it's hopeless.
00:42:40Cody?
00:42:41Cody? Cody? I've searched this house for me gold shilling, the fool that holds it. Are you
00:42:46Cody?
00:43:05I've searched this house for me gold shilling.
00:43:08The fool that holds it is due for a killing.
00:43:12Hey, Bill.
00:43:13I think we have a suspect.
00:43:17I found these flowers in this note in the kitchen.
00:43:19Cody Ingalls.
00:43:20Parents told me he's the girl's boyfriend.
00:43:22They said he's bad-nosed.
00:43:24Anyway, they had some fight this afternoon, and he brought over the roses.
00:43:43See?
00:43:44I'm not a young man.
00:43:45I'm not a young man.
00:43:46He's amazing to see me делает this last night.
00:43:48Hey, Maggie, bachelor!
00:43:50Come on, hombre.
00:43:51I don't know whether to be a kinder of a deportist scene.
00:43:53Oh, no!
00:43:58I don't know whether to be a human music Guru.
00:44:00Erde onder o is a friend.
00:44:02I've never thought for the crowd to be a demon.
00:44:04I don't know why.
00:44:34Morning.
00:44:38Jesus, kid.
00:44:39How'd you get in here?
00:44:40Fire escape.
00:44:41Are you all right?
00:44:42Yeah, I'm fine.
00:44:42You're not gonna believe this.
00:44:43Listen, the cops are looking for you every place.
00:44:46They found this dead kid at Bridget.
00:44:49She's gone.
00:44:49Everybody says you did it.
00:44:51Me?
00:44:51That's crazy.
00:44:52That's what I told the cops.
00:44:53Now, what the hell happened?
00:44:55A leprechaun did it.
00:44:58Maybe I should call the cops.
00:44:59No, wait a second.
00:45:00Look at this.
00:45:04Okay, so you got a gold coin, and it's old, and it looks like the one in this book.
00:45:10It's probably worth some cash, but this leprechaun story...
00:45:14Give me that thing.
00:45:16Cody, if you were taking some dope, you would tell me, right?
00:45:20Morty, you gotta believe me.
00:45:22I saw a real leprechaun.
00:45:24You mean like three wishes and give me all your gold and like that?
00:45:27Get out of here, kid.
00:45:29That's a fairy tale.
00:45:30This is no fairy tale.
00:45:31I saw what it can do.
00:45:33Look, leprechauns are devious creatures.
00:45:36They're conniving.
00:45:37It says here they live by trickery, even get pleasure out of it.
00:45:40Maybe I should have kept you away from all this supernatural stuff.
00:45:44He dropped a rack of pots on my head, Morty.
00:45:46Oh, now I'm convinced.
00:45:48Look, look, look.
00:45:49They possess telekinetic powers and can turn invisible at will.
00:45:53They are masters of illusion.
00:45:55Both leprechauns and fairies can only be harmed by wrought iron.
00:45:58Right, right.
00:45:59And they're all greedy as hell.
00:46:02And they love to drink.
00:46:03And they make those shoes.
00:46:05And they all have little pots of gold.
00:46:07And if you catch them, they grant you three wishes.
00:46:10And all the rest of that crap.
00:46:11Look, I have read that stuff.
00:46:13It's made up.
00:46:14It's not real.
00:46:16I use that kind of junk to sucker in the tourists.
00:46:19Would you listen to me, please, Morty?
00:46:21On his thousandth birthday, the leprechaun laid claim to the last.
00:46:25And by daybreak, she was never heard from again.
00:46:29My God, that's why he came for Bridget.
00:46:32I should have returned this book to the library five years ago.
00:46:36I don't know what you saw, but leprechauns don't exist.
00:46:41What's that you say?
00:46:43Leprechauns don't exist?
00:46:45Ha ha!
00:46:47I want big gold!
00:46:48Oh!
00:46:51I'll not say it again.
00:46:53Give you what I want.
00:46:55I'll trade you the coin for Bridget.
00:46:57Ah, fair trade, lad.
00:47:00Give me the coin, and she's yours.
00:47:03I promise.
00:47:11Are you crazy?
00:47:12You can't trust a leprechaun, did you read the book?
00:47:15Let's get out of here.
00:47:16The place is full of gobs.
00:47:17All right, fire escape.
00:47:19Ah!
00:47:20Ah!
00:47:21Ah!
00:47:22Ah!
00:47:23Hold on, see.
00:47:24My foot's gone.
00:47:25Ah!
00:47:26Now, you've done it.
00:47:27You've waxed on a leprechaun.
00:47:29Ah!
00:47:31Ah!
00:47:31Ah!
00:47:33Ah!
00:47:33Ah!
00:47:35Ah!
00:47:35Ah!
00:47:35Ah!
00:47:36Ah!
00:47:36Ah!
00:47:36Ah!
00:47:36Ah!
00:47:36Ah!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:38Ah!
00:47:38Ah!
00:47:39Ah!
00:47:39Ah!
00:47:39Ah!
00:47:40Ah!
00:47:41See what happened when you touched the bars?
00:47:45Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:46Roll it iron.
00:47:47Keep moving.
00:47:48Keep moving.
00:48:06He's trying to fake a leak.
00:48:11So how are we going to get Bridget?
00:48:20Shh, shh, shh.
00:48:23Let me see that coin again.
00:48:29That son of a bitch is real.
00:48:31I actually saw him.
00:48:32Morty!
00:48:33Sorry.
00:48:33Force of habit.
00:48:34Every second we waste.
00:48:36Who knows what he's doing to her right now?
00:48:37Don't worry about it, kid.
00:48:38I know how much he means to you.
00:48:40We're going to catch that little bastard.
00:48:44We're smarter.
00:48:45I know what I'm doing.
00:48:47Where are you going?
00:48:49I'm going to get a drink.
00:48:49I'm going to get a drink.
00:48:50I'm going to get a drink.
00:48:50I'm going to get a drink.
00:48:52I'm going to get a drink.
00:49:06We'm going to get a drink.
00:49:18Yo, man, want me go?
00:49:24Come on.
00:49:29Take him.
00:49:31Thanks.
00:49:34It's real milk chocolate.
00:49:36Watch it, nosebleed.
00:50:00Sorry, ma'am.
00:50:06Morty, listen.
00:50:20Houdini's Ruins, don't you remember?
00:50:22The drunk at the police station said a leprechaun stole his gold tooth.
00:50:25He came out of a tree at Houdini's Ruins.
00:50:27That's where Bridget is. Let's go.
00:50:29Morty, come on, let's get out of here.
00:50:32Morty. Hello, Morty. Come on, let's go.
00:50:35Morty.
00:50:38He's here.
00:50:46Maybe we should go now.
00:50:49Too late.
00:50:50Have I mentioned that I want to be gold?
00:50:57Not until we get Bridget.
00:50:59Bridget? Don't you know she's a married woman?
00:51:03Let me handle it. I got an idea.
00:51:11Listen up, people. Listen up.
00:51:14My little buddy here just got married.
00:51:17What do you say we raise our glasses and toast his good health?
00:51:30Have a drink. It's on me.
00:51:32You got a problem?
00:51:35Maybe it's just part of that leprechaun myth that they can all hold their liquor.
00:51:43Oh, don't be ashamed. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
00:51:46Why don't I just get you a little, uh, green lemonade.
00:52:01I can handle me drink.
00:52:03Yeah!
00:52:08Oh, really?
00:52:10Frank, can I have a bottle of that red special rye?
00:52:14I'd like to show my little buddy here how a real man drinks.
00:52:19Coming right up.
00:52:20Uh, what are you doing?
00:52:26Watch it and learn.
00:52:44Drink what you want. Drink what you're able.
00:52:47If you're drinking with me, you'll be under the table.
00:52:50Come on. Let's chill him on.
00:52:52He's one of us!
00:52:53One of us!
00:52:54One of us!
00:52:56One way or another, I'll find a way out of this hell hole.
00:53:26One way or another, I'll find a way out of this hell hole.
00:53:54One way or another, I'll find a way out of this hell hole.
00:54:10One way or another, I'll find a way out of this hell hole.
00:54:22Relax, she's safe as long as he's here.
00:54:26Or all you want, or all you can.
00:54:30He won't beat me, because I'm an African.
00:54:34Come on.
00:54:40You thought you were fast, you thought you were sporty, you thought you were clever, but not as clever as Marty.
00:54:46All right, you got it, now let's go get Bridget.
00:55:10Didn't anybody ever tell you not to drink and levitate?
00:55:16Face it, my little friend, you're gonna have to do what we ask.
00:55:22You okay?
00:55:28I'm fine, go get the little son of a bitch.
00:55:31No silence.
00:55:43I'm sorry I let you down, kid.
00:55:45Had my chance and I blew it.
00:55:49Look, wrought iron's one thing that can harm him, right?
00:55:55I got an idea.
00:55:57What is this, you slimy creep?
00:56:21What is this, you slimy creep?
00:56:51Huh?
00:56:57Yeah, I'll have a little wedding present for you when you get home.
00:57:21Okay, pal, St. Patrick's Day's over, time to go home.
00:57:26Don't be giving me any attitude, all right?
00:57:28I gotta close up.
00:57:30Aye.
00:57:34Very good, we have a method actor.
00:57:39What's your next gig, huh?
00:57:40One of Santa's elves or one of the Seven Dwarfs?
00:57:45I'm not an elf or a dwarf.
00:57:47I'm a leprechaun.
00:57:49Look, I don't care if you're the tooth fairy, all right?
00:57:52I just want you to pay up so I can get out of here.
00:57:55Ah, so it's the gold you'll be wanting.
00:57:59Uh, gold card, Visa, MasterCard.
00:58:02I prefer cash, but maybe you're a little short.
00:58:08Boom, gotcha.
00:58:10One should never try to take a leprechaun's gold.
00:58:20You're really into this, aren't you?
00:58:23One should never try to take a leprechaun's gold.
00:58:29Ah, you kill me.
00:58:32Huh?
00:58:33Well, there's an idea.
00:58:46No, what?
00:58:48No!
00:58:50No!
00:58:52No!
00:58:53No!
00:58:54No!
00:58:55No!
00:58:56No!
00:58:57No!
00:58:58Don't touch!
00:58:59It's hot!
00:59:00No!
00:59:01No!
00:59:02No!
00:59:03No!
00:59:04No!
00:59:05No!
00:59:06No!
00:59:08No!
00:59:10Come on, Andretti.
00:59:11Come on, yeah, we're friends.
00:59:12Yes, there you go.
00:59:13A little late-night snack.
00:59:14Yum.
00:59:16Nice work.
00:59:17Are you sure that safe is big enough?
00:59:20Oh, yeah, it's huge.
00:59:21Big ol' wrought-iron thing.
00:59:22Mm-hmm.
00:59:23It's a tight fit I ain't shedding any tears, you know?
00:59:25Me neither.
00:59:27Come on!
00:59:37There she is!
00:59:43These won't work.
00:59:44Let me open this.
00:59:45Combination.
00:59:47I taught you well.
00:59:49Yeah?
00:59:50I'll send you a postcard from Sam Quinn.
00:59:53Hey, give me a hand with this stuff, will you?
00:59:54Okay.
01:00:00Put it back.
01:00:05Come on.
01:00:09You'll get a double hernia.
01:00:11She'll try to lift us into the hearse.
01:00:13Look.
01:00:14Uh, try to find something that builds a ramp, and I'll go get the car.
01:00:21Ramp.
01:00:22Security, buddy!
01:00:23Put your hands right here.
01:00:24Ow!
01:00:25You're breaking my arm!
01:00:26You just tripped off a side of the line, buddy.
01:00:27You're going down.
01:00:28Going down where?
01:00:29You're a friggin' security guard.
01:00:30That's security officer, pal.
01:00:33Any more perp around?
01:00:34Perp?
01:00:35What the hell are you talking about?
01:00:36Never mind, tough guy.
01:00:40Wait right here.
01:00:41Peter?
01:00:42I've got to go.
01:00:43I can't wait.
01:00:44I'm in trouble.
01:00:45I'll go.
01:01:46You may think this light is getting old.
01:01:51Believe me, son, I want to be gold.
01:01:53Look, now, there's a big misunderstanding here.
01:02:14Now, if you just uncuff me, I can reach my wallet.
01:02:18You get what I mean?
01:02:19Are you trying to bribe me, scumbag?
01:02:21I take my job seriously.
01:02:23Don't try anything.
01:02:24I've got 60 hours of combat training.
01:02:32You should have had 65.
01:02:34This guy's gotta have a gun.
01:02:36It's the old friend, the drinking chump.
01:02:42You didn't happen to see the young lad around here now, did you?
01:02:46No, I came here alone.
01:02:47Wrong answer.
01:02:48Where's the boy?
01:02:59I don't know.
01:03:00I'm here, short stuff.
01:03:02Come and get it.
01:03:04Ah, we go.
01:03:05The offer still stands.
01:03:08The coin for Bridget.
01:03:10Don't give it to him.
01:03:12I'll keep what I have, and I'll let the two of you live.
01:03:16That's me offer.
01:03:18No deal.
01:03:18Let's tell them, Cody.
01:03:20So be it.
01:03:23I'll come get it meself.
01:03:30Nice job, Cody.
01:03:36I'm proud of you.
01:03:38Hey, you all right?
01:03:39Well, I used to think hangovers were bad.
01:03:41I just hope nothing's broken.
01:03:45How's it feelin' there, huh?
01:03:47Get me out of here!
01:03:50What's the matter, Houdini?
01:03:55Can't get out?
01:03:56Let's go get Bridget.
01:03:59Absolutely.
01:04:01What is it?
01:04:03Well, we just need a ramp to get this into the car.
01:04:07You know what?
01:04:08There's some two-by-fours in the closet.
01:04:09Well, get them.
01:04:20What the hell are you doing?
01:04:22Morty, you locked me in.
01:04:26It's payback time.
01:04:29Get me out of here!
01:04:31Not yet.
01:04:32Come on.
01:04:32You know the routine.
01:04:34You're caught.
01:04:35You owe me three wishes.
01:04:37Morty, we gotta go get Bridget now!
01:04:40I know what I'm doing.
01:04:42I want my three wishes.
01:04:43Three wishes, Morty!
01:04:45No!
01:04:45You're screwing it all up!
01:04:46Don't worry about it.
01:04:48We'll all get what we want.
01:04:50They still!
01:04:51Not yet.
01:04:52Not till I get my wishes.
01:04:54Now, I could ask you for a million dollars.
01:04:57Even a billion dollars.
01:04:59But no.
01:05:00What I think I would like is your crummy pot of gold.
01:05:04Morty!
01:05:05God!
01:05:05Stop it!
01:05:07You hear me in there?
01:05:08I want your gold!
01:05:11Morty, don't do it!
01:05:12Let me out of here!
01:05:13Oh, it's a greedy man I'm dealing with.
01:05:17Don't!
01:05:18Are you sure you want it?
01:05:19Oh, I'm sure.
01:05:20My first wish is for your gold.
01:05:24So be it.
01:05:27Where is it?
01:05:29Oh, it's coming.
01:05:35Get it out!
01:05:47Get it out of me!
01:05:49Oh, God, Morty!
01:05:51Morty, don't!
01:05:53Get it out!
01:05:55Get it out of me!
01:05:57I can do it.
01:05:58But you have to let me out of the safe first.
01:06:01Do you wish me out of the safe?
01:06:03Yes, God damn it!
01:06:04I wish you had it the safe!
01:06:09Where the hell are you?
01:06:11You'll have to open the door.
01:06:13It's raw time.
01:06:14Remember?
01:06:16Didn't you read the book?
01:06:20Stop it, Morty!
01:06:25Please stop it!
01:06:26Oh, God!
01:06:34Your second wish has been granted.
01:06:41Get it out!
01:06:43Get it out!
01:06:45Ah, you see, you shouldn't be so greedy.
01:06:48Get it out of me!
01:06:50Get it out!
01:06:52So, uh, is that your wish?
01:06:54Yes.
01:06:55Yes, yes!
01:06:56I wish you to get it out of me!
01:07:00Yes, very well.
01:07:06I missed you.
01:07:15Ah, I missed you.
01:07:34Help me.
01:07:36Love to, friend. But you're all out of wishes.
01:07:45Ah!
01:07:52Morty!
01:07:54Come on, man. Why'd you do it?
01:07:57No! No, Morty! No!
01:08:05All right, you little bastard, come and get me!
01:08:08Drop that weapon, psycho, and get up.
01:08:11How many more people are you killed tonight?
01:08:15What are you talking about?
01:08:17I know you are. I saw you in the news.
01:08:19Whole town's looking for you.
01:08:21Now put your hands up.
01:08:23And move out slowly.
01:08:29Don't try anything funny. I'm taking you in.
01:08:31Help! Help me, please!
01:08:33It's a trick! Don't... Shut up!
01:08:35What kind of spree are you on, sicko?
01:08:37No! It's 11!
01:08:39I'm not afraid to use this. Now take me to her now.
01:08:42Please! Help me!
01:08:44The boys hurt me!
01:08:46We're coming, ma'am.
01:08:50Listen to me. Call for backup.
01:08:51Shut up!
01:08:55Freeze!
01:08:56What, is it some kind of trick?
01:09:09You'll not be taking the boy anywhere!
01:09:11I'll have me gold!
01:09:13Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
01:09:23Oh!
01:09:24Hi! You missed me!
01:09:27I won't be kind.
01:09:55Give it to me.
01:09:57I'm not giving you anything until I get Bridget.
01:09:59You're going to have to kill me if you want your stinking piece of gold.
01:10:03So be it.
01:10:17I'm not dead.
01:10:18You will be if you don't give me the coin.
01:10:22You can't do it, can you?
01:10:23As long as I have this.
01:10:30You have to give it to me.
01:10:32You want it?
01:10:34Come get it.
01:10:35I'm going to save Bridget.
01:11:00And then I'm going to get you.
01:11:05You can't hide from me.
01:11:08I know where you live.
01:11:10Have you had your iron today?
01:11:27I'll be waiting.
01:11:28A leprechaun's home has many surprises.
01:11:36Sweetie.
01:11:38Still playing games?
01:11:40Come out.
01:11:41We may be having a house guest soon.
01:11:43Where have you been?
01:11:46I've been so lonely.
01:11:49How could you leave a bride on her wedding night?
01:11:54Day to me, dear.
01:11:55I have to prepare for a visitor.
01:11:57What visitor could be more important than me?
01:12:00After all, I thought you waited a thousand years.
01:12:08That I have.
01:12:11It's been a long millennium for the leprechaun.
01:12:15He's had no one to care for his deeds.
01:12:17Oh.
01:12:19Well, that's what I'm here for.
01:12:22To give you what you deserve.
01:12:24My favorite all.
01:12:30My dad gave that to me.
01:12:32And you've gone and broke it.
01:12:35Now you're in for some trouble.
01:12:37Please.
01:12:41Sounds like our guest has arrived.
01:12:46Don't go anywhere.
01:12:54Don't go anywhere.
01:13:24Bridget?
01:13:29Bridget?
01:13:34Bridget?
01:13:45Bridget?
01:13:45Bridget?
01:13:54A little lost, are you?
01:14:03A little lost, are you?
01:14:19What a cliché.
01:14:22Give me the coin.
01:14:27The coin!
01:14:41Hand it over.
01:14:45The coin!
01:14:48I'm trying Rostak.
01:15:01I'm trying Rostak.
01:15:16I'm trying Rostak.
01:15:22I'm trying Rostak.
01:15:28Bye.
01:15:31Good boy.
01:15:36Look.
01:15:37I'm trying Rostak.
01:15:39I don't know.
01:16:09Bridget!
01:16:13Where are you?
01:16:22Come on, boy, lad, and I'll set you free!
01:16:39Bridget!
01:16:45Cody!
01:16:46Are you all right?
01:16:47What has he done to you?
01:16:48Surprise!
01:16:51Don't take another step!
01:16:53Cody, run!
01:16:54Get out of here!
01:16:55I'm not leaving without you.
01:16:56Go!
01:16:57What do you do now, Cody?
01:17:02Do you think you can beat me here in me home?
01:17:07Put your down, Marine Mac.
01:17:08I don't want it anymore!
01:17:11Run!
01:17:12Oh, stop!
01:17:17I gave a hide-and-seek.
01:17:19How lovely.
01:17:20You know you won't get out!
01:17:27Shh!
01:17:44Don't scream, he'll hear us.
01:17:46Come on, we've got to find a way out.
01:17:47Cody, I'm trying.
01:17:48We'll do it together.
01:17:49Now, come on!
01:17:50We're right back where we started.
01:18:05There's got to be a way out of here.
01:18:07Let's try this one.
01:18:18Deja vu.
01:18:18Let's try this one.
01:18:32What are we going to do?
01:18:35I got an idea.
01:18:45Bridget!
01:18:47Bridget!
01:18:48Are you all right?
01:18:59I saw him.
01:19:00I saw the leprechaun.
01:19:01Oh, no, where is he?
01:19:02He's back in the tunnels.
01:19:03I managed to get away.
01:19:04Come on, you're not going to believe this, but I actually found a way out of here.
01:19:07Well, let's go.
01:19:08Wait, do you still have the coin?
01:19:10Yeah, why?
01:19:11Leave the damn thing here.
01:19:12That's all he wants.
01:19:13But, Bridget, as long as we have the coin, he can't hurt us.
01:19:15We're dead without the coin.
01:19:16Oh, listen to me, Cody.
01:19:18If leaving the coin keeps that creep from following us, we've got to do it.
01:19:22But...
01:19:23Oh, I know it's scary.
01:19:25It'll be okay.
01:19:28Give me the coin, and let's get out of here.
01:19:31Please.
01:19:32I love you, Cody.
01:19:35I love you, Cody.
01:19:35I love you, Cody.
01:19:37You lose.
01:20:04I have the gold coin, and there's no stopping me now.
01:20:20You can't outsmart a genius.
01:20:22Where's Bridget?
01:20:25Don't hurt him.
01:20:27I'll go with you.
01:20:29Yes, you will.
01:20:30But first, it's time to finish this annoying boil.
01:20:34What's said for all?
01:20:35Like hell!
01:20:40Cody!
01:20:42No!
01:20:43Cody, no!
01:20:44Cody, no!
01:20:47He's dead.
01:20:48It's over.
01:20:58It's really over?
01:21:02Cry as you may.
01:21:04Cry as you might.
01:21:05It's gonna be one hell of a wedding night.
01:21:08In your dreams!
01:21:12Real milk chocolate, genius!
01:21:28He's gonna blow!
01:21:29How did you know it wasn't me you gave the coin to before?
01:21:53He kisses differently than you.
01:22:00His kiss you liked better.
01:22:03I'll have to think about it.
01:22:09Are you gonna keep it?
01:22:10Trust me, it's not worth it.
01:22:13No!
01:22:15I know it was.
01:22:17Let's go!