- 2 days ago
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00:00This is my boss, Jonathan Hahn, a self-made millionaire. He's quite a guy.
00:17This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous. What a terrific lady.
00:27By the way, my name is Max.
00:31I take care of them, which ain't easy.
00:34Because their hobby is murder.
01:01I have to be one of my favorites.
01:08This is my favorite dream, which is my favorite dream.
01:12Oh, my God.
01:42Oh, my God.
02:12Why don't we let Mr. Jimmy Lee decide which one is the right one for us?
02:18I'm certain he's been in contact with those who are expecting the object.
02:20Jimmy Lee!
02:22It's all right.
02:36I got it.
02:38Yes, this is Jimmy Lee.
02:41Oh, the shipment has arrived.
02:46I'll deliver you a special order this evening.
02:47I'm afraid patience has never been one of my particular virtues.
02:58Patience, my dear, is one of my few remaining crushes.
03:03Yes.
03:04Yes.
03:05Yes.
03:06Well, I'm stuffed, aren't you?
03:21Absolutely delicious.
03:35This must be the best Anglo-Chinese restaurant in town.
03:38Well, it's better than the German-Chinese one down the street.
03:43What German-Chinese one down the street?
03:45Oh, that's the one where after you eat, an hour later, you're hungry for power.
03:49That's not funny.
03:55That's funny.
03:59Say, where's Max?
04:00You know what happens to Max every time we come here?
04:03Oh, yeah.
04:04He loses a fortune.
04:05But not in a cookie.
04:06He's sleeping.
04:07He does not disappoint the fact that he's been aë‚´.
04:09Don't listen to the other people.
04:10Don't listen to me.
04:11Yeah, don't listen to me.
04:12Don't you wait.
04:13Oh, yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:15Yeah.
04:15Yeah.
04:15You even...
04:16Yeah.
04:16You've been like, I told him that I was up there.
04:17Martin.
04:30Whoa.
04:30He's been a good man.
04:32Yeah.
04:32No.
04:33No.
04:33He's been a good man.
04:34He's been a good man.
04:36Oh, my God.
05:06Whatever happens, don't damage the crates.
05:36Get back in the car, you cretin.
05:40We'll head him off the other way.
06:06What did you do with it?
06:33It belongs to our people.
06:36And that don't mean you.
06:42Wake, Lisa.
06:43That will silence him forever.
06:49Search the alley.
06:50He must have dropped it there.
06:51I will never tell you what I did with it.
06:53Yes, well, the sad part is, I believe you.
07:05Thank you very much, Kid Wong.
07:17Uh-uh.
07:18You first.
07:18Okay.
07:22What does it say?
07:25It says, remember, as you go through life, money does not buy you happiness.
07:32We already know that.
07:33Oh, wait a minute.
07:34There's something else here.
07:35What?
07:35Money does, however, buy the kind of misery you can live with.
07:41Let me see that.
07:44Help.
07:45I'm a prisoner in a Shanghai cookie factory.
07:48Him again.
07:50Oh, here.
07:50My turn.
07:56Ah.
07:58Well?
07:59There is a mysterious stranger in your future.
08:04Oh.
08:06Must be someone else.
08:09Probably the termite man.
08:11He's coming tomorrow, and I never know what to make of him.
08:13Well, maybe it's that guy that just came in the door.
08:26He looks like he's gone one gin sling too far.
08:28Protect the man with the jade eyes.
08:56Take the man with the jade eyes.
08:57Take him to the temple.
09:27Good news, Lieutenant.
09:39This is confusing.
09:43I don't understand this.
09:46And you say that you didn't recognize this guy at all?
09:50No.
09:50Mrs. Hart?
09:51No.
09:52I knew him.
09:53You knew him?
09:54You knew him?
09:56Yeah.
09:57His name was Jimmy Lee.
09:58He ran an import store.
10:00He used to play mahjong with us once in a while.
10:03Always lost.
10:04Do you think that he recognized you, Mrs. Hart?
10:06I have no idea.
10:08Mr. Hart?
10:09I have no idea.
10:11Max?
10:12No doubt about it.
10:14I pointed them out to him last time we were here.
10:17He had a sort of a long-distance crush on Mrs. Hart.
10:20Not collect, I hope.
10:21What, um, what exactly, what exactly did he say to you before he died?
10:30I don't know exactly.
10:32He means he doesn't exactly know.
10:34Well, I suppose it made perfect sense to you, Max.
10:36To me, he didn't say a word.
10:40Well, it doesn't make any sense to me.
10:41I mean, look at this.
10:44Protect the man with the jade eyes.
10:47Take him to the temple.
10:48I mean, what is that?
10:48Well, that's what he said.
10:49That's exactly what he said.
10:51What the hell does that mean?
10:52I don't know exactly.
10:57Okay.
10:58All right, look, I think I have everything I need.
10:59And, uh, that wraps it up.
11:01I just want to reassure you.
11:03I mean, this is only my second time out.
11:04Gold shield and all, you know?
11:05But, uh, well, listen, the case now rests in the firm hands of the law.
11:10You know what I mean?
11:12That's reassuring.
11:15Bon appetit.
11:21Somebody get me a spoon.
11:30Max, I'll drive her.
11:36Mr. Deitch.
11:37Darling.
11:45Just get in, Max, and, uh, just keep smiling.
11:48Uh-huh.
11:50Here.
11:52Laver.
11:53Ha-ha-ha.
11:54Ah-ha!
11:55Ha-ha-ha!
11:56Ah-ha-ha.
12:03Ah-ha-ha!
12:04Ah-ha-ha!
12:15It's a Buddha, right?
12:31Well, actually, no, Max. It's a ho-tie.
12:35Well, whatever it is, it looks like one of those things.
12:37If you water it, grass will grow out of its head.
12:40Your fortune cookie was right.
12:42There was a mysterious man in your future.
12:44Do you think this little man could be looking for a temple?
12:50Well, if he is, he is not looking with jade eyes.
12:54What about the ho-tie?
13:15Well, I'm afraid the hearts are as well known as they are well healed.
13:18I'm afraid we've gained enough notoriety for one evening.
13:25There are only three of them.
13:28I say kill them now.
13:30And only recently you advertised patience as one of your few remaining virtues.
13:34Yes, and you were foolish enough to believe me.
13:38Let's hope the hearts are foolish enough to believe you when you visit them tomorrow.
13:41And if they're not?
13:42Well, then I'm afraid we're all going to have to lose our patience.
13:51Drive on.
13:51You know, the blender's on, the fritz.
14:08Would you see if you could take it down and get it fixed?
14:10Sure thing, Mrs. H.
14:11I'll put it in the station, Mike.
14:12We made the papers.
14:17Really?
14:18Let me take a look.
14:20Wow.
14:21It's a great picture of Max.
14:23They got me on my best side, that's all.
14:25I look a little tight-lipped.
14:28And who's that lurking in the background?
14:33Well, what do you think?
14:34Now that he's all cleaned up, looks pretty good, isn't he?
14:36Don't tell me you're growing attached to that thing.
14:39You know, I totally like having him around.
14:43He's supposed to bring you good luck if you rub his tummy.
14:45Well, who needs him?
14:46If you did that to me, I'd bring you anything you want.
14:49Oh.
14:53Wow.
14:54You get fast action.
14:55Fast action.
14:57Who is it?
14:58This is Lisa Wong.
15:00I was a friend of Jimmy Lee's.
15:02I'd like to speak to the hearts, please.
15:09Okay, come on up.
15:12Well, I'll put on the tea kettle.
15:19Jimmy Lee was like a brother to me.
15:23I guess our closeness came mostly from the religious views we shared.
15:27Religious views?
15:28Yes, we were members of a sect.
15:30Almost extinct now, except for a handful of practitioners.
15:34Sort of an offshoot of the traditional Chinese Buddhists.
15:39Would you like a little more tea, Miss Wong?
15:41Oh, no, thank you.
15:42Fine.
15:44Well.
15:47Well, why did you come to see us, Miss Wong?
15:51Well, you see, our congregation has been long awaiting the arrival of a very sacred object
15:58from the Orient.
15:59Our own equivalent of the true cross, if you will.
16:02Well, it wouldn't by any chance be a ho-tie.
16:06Well, yes, Mrs. Hart.
16:08How did you know that?
16:09Oh, I just had a sort of sickening feeling in my stomach.
16:17Go on, Miss Wong.
16:19Well, um, you see, the object, rather the ho-tie, was sent to Jimmy Lee through his importing
16:26business, and it arrived yesterday, and he was supposed to deliver it last night.
16:31Not by any chance for your temple.
16:35Why, yes.
16:36Mr. Hart, I do believe you and your wife must be clairvoyant.
16:39No, no, no, not at all.
16:41As a matter of fact, I don't know why we're involved in this.
16:44Do you?
16:44Um, well, we'll be, you see, Jimmy Lee put the crate with the ho-tie into your car last
16:52night, just before he was killed.
16:54Apparently so.
16:56But, uh, you'll have to contact the police.
17:01You mean, you turn the statue over to the police?
17:05Wouldn't you?
17:09Yes, of course.
17:11Yeah.
17:12Max!
17:13Well, I'm afraid we can't help you, Miss Wong.
17:17But if you, uh, contact the police, I'm sure that they'll be able to help you out in some
17:21way.
17:22Well, thank you for your hospitality.
17:24You're welcome.
17:26Max, you show Miss Wong out?
17:28Sure, then.
17:30Bye.
17:33I'd like to read her tea leaves.
17:36I'm sure that her past is more interesting than her future.
17:38Hmm.
17:39Max, you take the car and follow her.
17:52Right.
17:53I'm very interested to know just how religious Miss Wong is.
17:57Hmm.
17:58Where would one check out a ho-tie, past or present?
18:01Well, probably the Oriental Library at UCLA.
18:08You go there.
18:09In the meantime, I'll take our little fat friend down to Jimmy Lee's shop, and I'll check
18:14out what's going on down there.
18:15Hey.
21:45I'm so distressed about Jimmy's death, I haven't thought of where he might have left our sacred statue.
21:50Wait, I think our dilemma may be solved.
22:02I'll call you back.
22:08Good morning. I'm Jonathan Hart. I realize you're closed.
22:11I know about Jimmy Lee's death.
22:13I know about Jimmy Lee's death.
22:17I'll ask you a few questions.
22:19I'll ask you a few questions.
22:23Thank you very much.
22:24Thank you very much.
22:30I'm finished with this book.
22:33Thank you very much.
22:34Is there a telephone I could use?
22:36There's a pay phone just outside in the corridor.
22:38There's a pay phone just outside in the corridor.
22:39Oh, thank you very much.
22:41Come.
22:46There is nothing at all unusual about this statue.
22:48We import many of them.
22:49We import many of them.
22:50They're inexpensive as most of our items are.
22:54You know nothing about this one being meant for a religious sect?
22:59Nothing at all.
23:03Excuse me.
23:09Hello?
23:10Is Jonathan Hart there, please?
23:15It's your wife.
23:18My wife?
23:24Hey, hiya, darling.
23:27What's up?
23:28Darling, listen to this.
23:30When China was being colonized by the foreigners in the 1800s,
23:33you know the Opium Wars and all that?
23:35Well, a very enterprising monk belonging to the Temple of the East
23:39encased a sacred Hou Tai in plaster.
23:44And get this.
23:45He was not only sacred.
23:47It was golden and it had eyes of pure imperial jade.
23:51I'll meet you back home.
23:57Oh, I'm terribly sorry if I caused you any trouble.
24:00This is the very thing that my wife is looking for.
24:03And you can forget all that stuff I told you about the religious sects.
24:07Sect.
24:08That's a tough one.
24:10Have a nice day.
24:21Uh, darling, do you remember when you tried to fix my little nephew's sled
24:27and turned it into a pair of short skis?
24:30Don't worry, will you?
24:32I got the touch of a brain surgeon.
24:34Well.
24:35Well, I hate to admit it, but I think I fell for the old Hou Tai shuffle.
24:53Do you think that lady took it from the shop?
24:55Not unless she wants to go the same route as Jimmy Lee.
24:58I'm sure they're working together.
25:00Which means it could still be in the shop.
25:04Which means we have to go back.
25:06Which means we'll have to break in.
25:08This time, I'll do the honors doctor.
25:12Take it easy.
25:30You're telling me?
25:33Okay.
25:35Come on.
25:42Well, look at that.
26:05Yeah, they're cheaper by the hundred.
26:08I'll take just one, please.
26:10But which one?
26:11Flip on the light.
26:14We'll keep looking until we find something.
26:16Jonathan!
26:32I think I found something.
26:39Hiya!
26:44We were just browsing.
26:46You see, my wife is an insomniac.
26:48She can't stand shopping during the daytime.
26:51Excuse me, sir, but I think it's only fair to warn you that my husband's hands are registered with the police as lethal weapons.
27:02I think we're in a little trouble here.
27:12We're definitely in a little trouble here.
27:15Whoa.
27:27Whoa.
27:28Whoa.
27:29Whoa.
27:30Whoa.
27:31Whoa.
27:32Whoa.
27:34Whoa.
27:35Whoa.
27:37You let him go.
27:40You, let him go! Let him go!
27:59Jonathan, look!
28:04The van with the jade eyes, look!
28:06Let's get out of here before somebody hands us a broom.
28:36What do you look at that?
28:50No wonder everybody's after our fat friend here.
28:54He must be worth a fortune.
28:55What?
28:57For sheer power and impact. I've never seen anything like it.
29:02Oh, so you're growing attached to our little friend here, too.
29:05No, I was talking about the guy who tried to kill me.
29:07Oh.
29:11Hey, Max.
29:12How you feeling, Mr. Rich?
29:14All right.
29:17Geez, that's a different one, ain't it?
29:19I'll say it's a different one.
29:21Say, uh, what'd you find out about our religious friend, Miss Wong?
29:25Well, I followed her, like you said.
29:27And she ain't no nun, that's for sure.
29:30And she didn't go to no house of religious worship.
29:33What kind of a house did she go to?
29:35A big black caddy registered in the name of one Arthur Sidney picked her up
29:40and dropped her off at a joint called the House of a Thousand and One Pleasures.
29:44A Thousand and One what?
29:46Pleasures.
29:47A Thousand and One?
29:49At the corner of Fresno and Formosa.
29:51You can't miss it even if you wanted to, and you would.
29:54This must be the place.
30:12Looks like it's about to say tilt.
30:15Max was right.
30:16Miss Wong was no nun.
30:21Oh, Jonathan, look.
30:23You go back to the car and babysit.
30:26I'll check this out.
30:27And don't take any leeching nuts from strangers.
30:29Oh, darling.
30:31Do me a favor, would you?
30:35Find out what the one is?
30:53You're not Clark Kent, are you?
31:08Mmhm.
31:09Hm.
31:12Fuck.
31:13Fuck.
31:14Yeah.
31:16Fuck.
31:29See you later.
31:30Yeah.
31:32Oh, my God.
32:02Oh, my God.
32:32Moonlighting from the temple, Ms. Wong.
32:52Thanks very much.
33:00You must be Arthur Sidney.
33:02Well, if this isn't a happy coincidence, I don't know what is.
33:06Lisa and I were just discussing you, Mr. Hart.
33:09Oh, I'm sure you were only saying nice things.
33:11Good evening, Mrs. Hart.
33:26Allow me to introduce myself.
33:29I'm the high priest of the Temple of the East.
33:32How do you do?
33:34We are not violent people.
33:36In fact, our fervor is for pacifism.
33:40Oh, well, I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that.
33:45However.
33:46However.
33:47The most unpleasant things could happen if you do not give us the statue.
33:53After all, it is rightfully ours.
33:58Although others would not have you believe so.
34:01You mean Lisa and Mr. Sidney?
34:05Exactly.
34:07They are very bad people.
34:10Much more dangerous than we are.
34:13Much.
34:14Oh, I like you much more than I like them.
34:18I can tell that already.
34:19They only want the statue for avaricious reasons.
34:22With us, it is a matter of sacred tradition.
34:28Uh-huh.
34:31Well, I wouldn't want to get in the way of God or anybody else.
34:36The statue, please.
34:40Sure.
34:43Sure.
34:44Uh, would you please?
34:46Yes.
34:52Don't mention it.
35:03Nice to meet you.
35:09Where is the hotel?
35:12I told you.
35:14Ask the police.
35:15I suggest you answer, the lady.
35:27My wife's got it.
35:29Jonathan!
35:32Jonathan!
35:33Jonathan!
35:36Oh!
35:37Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.
35:42Jonathan, I...
35:44Oh, Jonathan!
35:47Ah!
35:48No!
35:52What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
35:55Welcome, Mrs. Hart.
35:58Mr. Sidney has been making rather a convincing argument
36:01on why we should give him back the hotai.
36:03Oh.
36:04His most telling point he is holding in his hand.
36:11I see what you mean.
36:12Yeah, I think we should, uh, hand it over to him.
36:15Um, I don't think that's a very good idea.
36:18I don't think it's a very good idea either, but under the circumstances, I don't think this
36:21is that good.
36:21We should...
36:21No, darling, I think it's a lousy idea.
36:24Darling, I understand your point, but would you please listen to me?
36:26You don't really hear what I'm saying.
36:27I do hear what you're saying, but you're not listening to me.
36:30I want you to go down into the car and bring up the hotai now.
36:34Now, now, might I inquire?
36:39Why not?
36:42Why not?
36:44Because I don't have it.
36:49Well, there was this man who came from the Temple of the East and he said it belonged to him.
37:05I believed him, so I gave it to him.
37:10Well, I had to make some choice.
37:13Of course you did.
37:16But so do we.
37:17Now we have to make a choice as well.
37:20Now that you're of no further use to us.
37:22Jonathan.
37:22Mr. Sidney.
37:23Wait.
37:25Perhaps they are of some use to us.
37:27I beg your pardon?
37:31Well, Mr. and Mrs. Hart pride themselves on being clever.
37:36Why shouldn't they be clever for us?
37:39In exchange for their lives, they will have to get the statue back.
37:44Oh.
37:47Think that can be arranged?
37:49But you're not foolish enough to suggest that they should both go.
37:52No, of course not.
37:54Mr. Hart will go with our friend.
37:55He knows the way to the Temple.
37:57Well, and Mrs. Hart will remain with us as insurance.
38:05When he brings the hotai back, we will release the lady.
38:10Do I bring it back here?
38:12Oh, no, I think not.
38:14You see, the chaps from the Temple saw you come here.
38:17This would be the first place they'd look.
38:19No, I think Jimmy Lee's shop, the back of Jimmy Lee's shop,
38:24that would be the last place they'd look.
38:27Sounds fine to me.
38:30Ready when you are, B.C.
38:34Jonathan, you better put on your shoes and socks to catch a death of cold.
38:37Oh, and do hurry, Mr. Hart,
38:39or else Mrs. Hart will catch her death.
38:42Period.
38:42I have to tie my laces.
38:58I have to tie my laces.
39:00I just washed my sneakers.
39:18I can't do a thing with them.
39:19Just in case we have to run.
39:31Remember, this is a nonviolent sect.
39:35You're a lot of fun to be with.
39:37They're all so very trusting.
39:42Just like Mr. Sidney is with you.
39:44Don't I pay my mud?
39:44Thanks, sir.
39:47And I have to tie my life today.
39:48Oh, hopefully, let me have another text.
39:50Bye, everyone.
39:50Bye, everyone.
39:51Bye, everyone.
39:51Bye.
39:52Bye, everyone.
39:53Bye, everyone.
39:55Bye, everyone.
40:04Bye, everyone.
40:05Bye.
40:06Bye, everyone.
40:07Bye.
40:07Bye-bye.
40:07Bye-bye.
40:09Bye-bye.
40:09Bye-bye.
40:10Bye-bye.
40:10Stealth and guile.
40:38Hello, my wife and I were in the neighborhood, we were wondering if you knew of a good Chinese
41:01restaurant. Maybe if we went down a couple of blocks and over to the other street, we could...
41:11And guile. Good.
41:21Would you believe that?
41:34Our jack was stolen just last night.
41:49Hey, I've got an idea. Do you think you could lift this car up? Because while you're holding
42:00it up, I could change the tire. Let me see what I got in the trunk.
42:16Hey, look what I found. Liquid air in a can. This will do it in a minute. Put the car
42:36down. Hey, I'll hold onto this until I get my wife back. You've seen my wife, haven't you?
42:52But wouldn't you hold onto it until you could get her back?
42:59It shouldn't be taking this long. Look, if Jonathan didn't get it, it won't be because he isn't
43:08trying. Yes, we know that. There's no doubt of his motivation, only of his success.
43:14Jonathan. Hi. Bring my wife over here.
43:35First, bring the sack over here. Not until I have Jennifer over here. First, the sack.
43:45Tell you what. You let Jennifer come over here. Then I will put the sack down.
43:57Very well, Mr. Hart. But when you have put the sack down, please move away from it.
44:10Now, if you will do the same for my wife? Go out to the car, sweetheart.
44:34Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all night.
44:40I'd say we were even, Mr. Sidney. That's how he looks to me, Mr. Hart.
44:44Yeah, you could call it sort of an Occidental standoff.
44:49How did he do this? It doesn't matter.
45:06Now, I'll wager that choir boy is planning to take it back to the temple.
45:10How can the people of my temple and I ever thank you properly?
45:22We're just happy it's back where it rightfully belongs.
45:25We've called the police, but if you don't mind, we'll just stay until they get here.
45:28But I do mind. And now, finally, no.
45:33Let's go.
46:03Get the ho-tai. Get the ho-tai.
46:10Look, why don't you take this? Because I don't really want it and it would look much better in your living room than it would in mine.
46:35Hey!
46:37You'd be a natural for the gong show.
46:53Good thing we both like to eat cookies in bed.
46:56What could be better than fortune cookies and milk in bed?
47:00I'll show you in a minute.
47:03Well, try a fortune.
47:08Your turn.
47:17What's it say?
47:18A shapely deal is heading your way soon.
47:22See, I told you.
47:26Your turn.
47:27Uh-oh.
47:28What?
47:29There is a mysterious stranger in your future.
47:44Listen, I got it.
47:46This time, why don't we tempt fate together?
47:49How?
47:50How?
47:51How?
47:52Hmm.
47:54I'll show you.
48:02Want another cookie, cookie?
48:03Mm.
48:04Mm.
48:05Mm.
48:06Jonathan.
48:07Shh.
48:08Trying to be mysterious.
48:09Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
48:10Who-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
48:13Wall Street
48:25No quartals
48:27No quartals
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