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At the Fuel Up with Fortune event in Cannes, Washington Commanders defensive tackle Efe Obada shares how he overcame imposter syndrome after surviving trafficking, homelessness, and life as an undocumented immigrant.
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00:00F.A., you know, she alluded to the journey you've been on and I couldn't even do it justice by trying to explain it.
00:07So I'm going to leave it to you and to give us a snapshot of the of the I would say a million to one.
00:13It's probably not even a million to one from the journey you've been on to where you are now as an NFL star.
00:18Tell us briefly about that journey and what you've what you've been through to get where you are.
00:24I'm so nervous.
00:25But but thank you all for having me.
00:30And it's a pleasure to be here.
00:32My name is F.L. Bada.
00:33I am a defensive end.
00:35I've just finished my third season with the Washington Commanders and I've been in the commander fans over here.
00:43And I've been in the NFL for the past 10 years.
00:46As you can tell by my accent, I'm I'm English, but I was born in Nigeria.
00:51And I think at the age of five, we emigrated to Holland to meet my mom and myself, my sister.
00:58She has learning difficulties.
01:00And in that situation, it was very hard for a single mom to look after her and myself.
01:05And just at the time, there just wasn't a lot of facilities and infrastructure to support her needs.
01:10So the plan was for us to, you know, move to England and for a better life as as you do.
01:16But things didn't work out.
01:18I was left homeless myself and my sister at the age of 10.
01:22And foster care came into came into the play.
01:25So I grew up in foster care.
01:27I bounced from home to home.
01:28I've lived with probably more than 10 different families.
01:32And because of the way that we were, we emigrated to the UK, I was trafficked.
01:39I was undocumented.
01:41So I think once I did go to school because it was free and it's Europe.
01:45Yeah, thankful.
01:47But there was a ceiling.
01:49I couldn't go to university.
01:51I couldn't work.
01:53I couldn't do anything, really.
01:54I couldn't progress my life.
01:55You know, and where I grew up, I grew up in South London, in a city.
02:00It was very easy access to certain things and a certain lifestyle.
02:05And I got caught up in that, unfortunately.
02:07But it wasn't a means of, it wasn't because of that's who I was and that's my personality.
02:12It was just a means of providing and surviving and making sure that my sister had, you know, necessities and needs.
02:17And there was a woman and someone I care and I love and just.
02:21But I got in trouble, not proud of it, had to sit down for a year.
02:29And, but, you know, it took time to reflect.
02:33And then when I came, when I got back into life, I found American football.
02:38I met one of my friends and he was, when I met him, he was very skinny.
02:42You know, and I saw him and he was huge.
02:44And, you know, so I thought, you know, and where I come from, if you feel big, you've obviously, you know,
02:50I've done some time and done, you know.
02:55So I was like, oh, when did you come out?
02:57And he's like, no.
03:00So he was like, no, I play American football.
03:03Why don't you come and try it out?
03:05And I had nothing doing.
03:06At the time I was working in a warehouse, you know, because that's the only job I could get as an undocumented person.
03:12It was cash in hand, all those things.
03:14So I took a day off, went to the practice and it was, it was strange.
03:19It was like in the, in the blocks, in the hood and, you know, sort of group of men wearing pads and helmets and things like that.
03:25And I've never seen anything like that.
03:27I tried it out.
03:28I felt a sense of community and brotherhood immediately because when I hit someone, I thought I did something wrong.
03:34But then everybody cheered.
03:36They were like, oh, I was like, oh yeah.
03:38It was like, do it again.
03:39And I was like, okay, so, you know, so, but, but for me, because where my life was at the time, it was an amazing outlet.
03:50It was amazing part to be a part of a brotherhood and a community.
03:54Like I said, and it gave me that.
03:56It was a pay to play league.
03:57I had to pay to play, but at the time, you know, it was fun.
04:02There was a coach at the time.
04:03He was doing the internship at the Dallas Cowboys and with the expansion of the NFL playing in different countries.
04:10In 2015, Dallas came over to London and he saw my height and my potential and I guess my anger issues.
04:18And, and he, he spoke to the defensive coordinator at the time and said, hey, I've got this kid, you know, just take a look at him.
04:26If anything happens, you know, whatever.
04:28So he phoned me up, said, hey, come after practice.
04:31I went down there.
04:34He said, run as fast as you can.
04:35Hit, do everything as fast and as violent as you can.
04:38And that's what I did.
04:38I didn't have any, you know, facilities or anything like that.
04:44I literally ran in my boxes and hit bags in my boxes and all that stuff and went back to work, thought nothing of it.
04:50The following year, the Dallas Cowboys gave me a call and said they want to sign me to their team.
04:55And, but then I was like, yeah, but, but then I was like, yeah, that's all great, but I don't have a passport.
05:04So how am I going to, how the hell am I going to play in America?
05:09You know, but they were able to help me and, you know, I was able to get documents and went out there.
05:16Still wasn't as smooth, still had my nose, all my mistakes.
05:19I was making the NFL.
05:20So I got released like so many times, but I just kept going.
05:25I knew that this was my golden ticket and the smile opportunity to change my life.
05:28And the average lifespan of an NFL player is two to three years, if you're lucky.
05:33And I've been playing for 10 years.
05:35So, as I said, I don't think a million to one does it justice, really.
05:42That is so extraordinary.
05:45And you touched on it yourself.
05:47You know, you said there's a certain lifestyle, you know, where you were in South London that, you know, a lot of people get suckered into.
05:55We've all either seen it on news or TV shows or everything.
05:59And it makes a lot of sense for the people in that environment, right?
06:03It's not an easy thing to break away from.
06:08And you said there was something in you that wasn't about that life, right?
06:12So what were your mindsets and what were the core mindsets that you were using and the habits that helped you keep going and break out of that and make you think that it's not impossible to break out of that?
06:26So I believe that we're a product of our environment, right?
06:31And, you know, my environment hardened me.
06:34You know, I was always in fight or flight mode.
06:36I needed to survive.
06:37I had someone that depended on me, which was my sister, and I needed to provide for.
06:42So everything that I do or the decisions I made with the limited opportunities that I had was for that simple girl, just to make sure the food was on the table, that she had clothes, that she had sanitaries, that she was safe,
06:55that she was protected, and whatever I needed to do in order to become that person and to produce results, I did.
07:04You know, conventionally, if I had means, if I had passport, if I had, you know, documentation, I would have went a different route if I was in a different situation.
07:12If I had the support and leadership of parents and people that cared or mentored me, I would have went a different route.
07:18But my role models were, you know, unfortunately, drug dealers and kept murderers, and that was what I was around.
07:25So I had to make the most of the means.
07:27But the mindset was also, because I had someone that cared for, I cared and I needed to provide for.
07:33It was just survival mode.
07:36You know, I just needed to survive.
07:37I needed to make sure that, you know, I knew that no one was coming to save me.
07:41And that mindset allowed me to just make sure that I needed to do what I needed to do in order to survive and provide.
07:46Was there a specific moment where you thought, where you actively chose to break out of that survival mode and thought, right, I'm going to focus on my growth here, on my journey and the way I want it to be?
07:59You can tell us.
08:05It's all right.
08:06We're friends.
08:06No, it's a great question.
08:08But I don't think, having experienced what I've experienced, having come from where I come from, having seen what I've seen, that that ever goes away.
08:17I think growth naturally happens as you age and as you become, you come in different environments and you try new things.
08:24But that level of survival, it never goes away.
08:28I know, I don't have a safety net.
08:29I am the safety net for a lot of people.
08:31I have the safety net for my family.
08:33And if I don't wake up and if I don't do what I need to do and be where I need to be and, you know, and make those changes and grow within myself, like, everything around me crumbles, you know, and ultimately no one's going to come and save me.
08:45So, that level of survival isn't, and at the same time, you know, I love it because it's what made me who I am today.
08:54I don't think it, I'm not trying to get rid of that, no.
08:56I don't want to get complacent.
08:58Yeah.
08:59It's still a main driver for you.
09:00Exactly.
09:01Okay.
09:02Now, obviously, you know, careers in sports, they're built on a lot of no's.
09:07Even, you know, this journey that you've had, you must have had an amount of rejection or amount of no's.
09:13It's like, how do you deal with that and how does that drive you forward?
09:16Because we all get no's in our careers, whatever they are.
09:19How do you drive yourself forward from those no's and those setbacks?
09:24You face a lot worse, obviously, than someone saying, you're not going to play this weekend.
09:28Yeah.
09:29But, you know.
09:30You're right.
09:30Like, at every stage of my life, I've experienced no's, whether it's, you know, foster carers saying, no, I don't want you to live in my house and packing my stuff and leaving,
09:39and whether it's the UK government saying that we, you know, here's a deportation order and trying to kick me out, you know,
09:45whether it's McDonald's, I'm trying to apply for McDonald's and they say that they don't want me because I'm undocumented.
09:50And I'm like, mate, like, I'm back and flip a burger.
09:52Come on.
09:54You know.
09:55You know, or even in the NFL where coaches have said to my face, like, you know, you will never play a down of sport.
10:03I just see it as it's, their no isn't my reality.
10:08I don't want to internalize it, you know.
10:11I just see it as maybe, no, not today or no right now.
10:15But ultimately, I've had to, you know, not take it personal and I've had to go away and do the work and turn myself into someone that they would say yes to.
10:24And I think at this point in my life, I'm not really receiving a lot of loss.
10:29Good to hear you.
10:30I think, you know, a lot of people struggle with that.
10:33You know, a lot of people we all face knows and it's kind of easy to kind of go into your shell a bit.
10:38And, like, what would you say to those people who are struggling to get back out there and, you know, for them to realize that a no is not a no forever.
10:47It's just, you know, a no for now.
10:50I think what I would say is don't take it personal, you know.
10:54And that no isn't your reality.
10:57It's not personal.
10:58And sometimes that no is a delay and you need to do the work.
11:01You need to look internally.
11:02You need to prepare you.
11:05When I started playing, I made all, like, people had, was playing the sport from the age of five.
11:12And, you know, they had years of preparation of knowing who they were, knowing what type of player they were, knowing what type of brand they wanted to put out there.
11:20I started playing the game at 21 and at 22 I was in the NFL, making all my mistakes, learning how to grow.
11:27And it took me three years to get on the active roster.
11:33And I got so many no's.
11:34I tried out for maybe ten different teams, you know, and I was like, this team said no.
11:41All right, cool.
11:41Well, there's, you know, 31 other teams.
11:43That team said no.
11:44There's 30 other teams.
11:46So I just kept going and kept being resilient and understanding until one team said yes.
11:51And once that team said yes, because of those no's, because of my resilience, because of that work ethic, because of not accepting that, when I did get my yes, I was able to sustain that.
12:01I was able to understand the requirements to, you know, and I've already changed myself and molded myself to becoming someone that is worthy and deserving of that yes.
12:11You know, you could, like a lot of people can say yes, a lot of people get yeses off the rip, but they haven't become that person that deserves or can sustain that yes, if that makes sense.
12:21Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
12:22Yeah.
12:22So, you know, you found your purpose through football, and now you give back to the youth in London through your foundation that we launched shortly, and your mentor work with London youth, big kids, and NFL Academy.
12:35How important is having a sense of purpose when building that resilience, and how can companies help their employees connect their work to a deeper mission in the same way that kind of you have?
12:53So, initially, my purpose was, you know, providing, and it always will be, and it is, just that's just my core, just to be able to someone to provide.
13:03So, that was my why.
13:07That was my main driver.
13:09I needed to make sure that I can provide for my family, provide for myself, because I know no one's going to come and save me.
13:15So, when I got to a point where I achieved that, so it was like, you know, get on the team, make money, save money, all that stuff.
13:21When I achieved, every milestone that I still have to achieve it, you know, I had to look internally, and I had to, like, figure out what my real purpose was.
13:31And after I've achieved and I've secured, I guess, financial stability, I realized that my upbringing and the communities that I live in and my family lives in needs help.
13:45It needs role models.
13:47It needs a voice.
13:47It needs someone that can show that, listen, it doesn't matter where you come from.
13:53It doesn't matter where, you know, your life experience, it doesn't define you, and whatever that dream is, whether it's football, whether it's being a doctor, whether it's being a doctor, you can achieve that, right?
14:02So, that's why I partner up with these amazing, you know, initiatives and programs that do a lot of mentorship, and that's my aim.
14:10Like I said, my role models were drug dealers and murderers, so I go back, and I want to make sure that I can be that person that I never had.
14:18And I think businesses can do that by, you know, all humans, you know, and working with corporations, but you need to understand your why.
14:28Like when you work and you come to work and you go home, like you need to really figure out what your why is.
14:32Like how can you leave an impact, whether it be in your life, in your family's life, in your community, and if we do that, eventually, like, the net starts to widen, and then we really make some real changes.
14:43But, ultimately, it's like, you just got to figure out what your why is, you know, and sometimes it's money, and it's okay.
14:49But sometimes it can be, you know, I really want to, you want to make a real change in this specific area, and that's okay, too.
14:58Okay, you've openly discussed mental health in the past and self-doubt.
15:05So, what are the strategies that you've used personally to overcome those mental hurdles?
15:13Yeah, so, as you probably could figure out, like, just because of my upbringing, I had a lot of demons, I had a lot of issues to deal with.
15:21When I went into the NFL, I had a lot of imposter syndrome.
15:23I felt like I never belonged.
15:25Like coaches, players, everyone told me that I didn't belong, you know.
15:29So, I had to overcome that, and, you know, I did the conventional thing.
15:32I did therapy.
15:34I did, you know, all that stuff.
15:38And I've even, I'm not proud of it, but I've even gone left and, you know, self-medicated and did all that stuff.
15:45But none of that stuff helped.
15:48And I think it was when, and I was, like, honestly, I was embarrassed.
15:51I was embarrassed where I came from.
15:53I was embarrassed about my upbringing.
15:54I felt ashamed.
15:55I didn't want to tell people that I was trafficked.
15:57I didn't want to tell people I grew up in foster care.
15:59I didn't want to tell people, like, anything.
16:01I just wanted to go to work, put my helmet on, play the game, collect my checks, and go home.
16:06Like, that's, but ultimately, like, I dealt with some issues within myself that I hadn't dealt with, and it was presenting itself in other ways within my marriage, within my community, and all these different things.
16:15And it wasn't until I started being more vocal about my upbringing and using my life as a means of inspiration and motivation for my communities and the kids that I'm mentoring that I started to see some growth and some healing in my mental health.
16:33Because not only did it allow me to own it, it also gave other people that I was communicating the platform and the confidence to be able to express what they're going through.
16:45It might not be the same, but everyone, we all go through some stuff, like, every one of you, for you to be here, and you've had to overcome some hardships.
16:53You've had to overcome some no's.
16:55But it allowed people to come to me and express that and feel comfortable to express that.
17:00So, even with my teammates, one time I spoke in front of the team, and I shared that, because we was losing, and I wanted everyone to, and everyone was turning against each other, and I wanted everyone to, like, understand.
17:11And I was always smiling.
17:12I was always happy, because I was like, Bob.
17:14You know what I mean?
17:15Like, who gives a, like, we're blessed, you know?
17:19And I wanted people to gain that perspective and understand that, like, we are so blessed to be able to play this sport and to be able to be who we are and have that platform.
17:29And I did that, and I was very vulnerable and very open.
17:33And then afterwards, like, teammates that I've been on the team with for, like, maybe two, three years came to me and they started opening up.
17:41And that relationship deepened.
17:43You know, it wasn't surface level anymore.
17:45It wasn't superficial.
17:46It was like, you know, I got to know who they were.
17:49I got to know their reasons.
17:50I got to know their why.
17:51And then we just bonded.
17:52So I think when I started opening up and owning my truth and living in my life, I was able to, and it just wasn't this cloud and this thing that was, you know, weighing over me.
18:04So I think the expression was really healing for me.
18:09That's absolutely inspiring stuff.
18:11And it might be too late for a lot of us to make the NFL, but I'm sure we can all apply some of these lessons to our every, yeah, do you think so?
18:19Yeah, we'll talk.
18:21Yeah, I'm sure we can all take these lessons and apply them to our own everyday life and, you know, further our own growth and achievements.
18:29But F.A. Obata, thank you so much.
18:31We were going to do a Q&A.
18:33F.A. I think you're going to stick around for a little while.
18:36I'm going to stick around.
18:37So if you want to speak to F.A., please do.
18:39Obviously a great guy.
18:41Thank you, everyone, for listening.
18:43I really appreciate it.
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