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KARAOKE HIEND
  • 26/6/2025
Standup Comedy

Danh mục

📺
Tivi
Phụ đề
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01:47Thì được tốt hơn nhiều ạ
01:49Số này
01:50Thì through you're passing through Los Angeles
01:53Or this is your destination
01:54Passing through
01:55Where are you going?
01:56New York to Europe
01:58Wow
01:59Don't who?
02:01Put them off
02:04Where abouts Europe you going?
02:07I've been there
02:07Yeah we're going to Italy, France, England
02:12Oh
02:13Maybe Scotland
02:14Maybe
02:14No
02:15Em hãy tiếp nhận, hãy subscribe cho kênh lalas kênh lalas
02:20Để bạn lỡ những video hấp dẫn
02:25Xin chào và hẹn gặp lại
02:27Xin chào và hẹn gặp lại
02:33Tôi sẽ có l cheg khi in Los Angeles?
02:34Ừ đây đi
02:36Để không hấp dẫn
02:36Để ra tôi có một thêm tìmh
02:38Bạn quay tôi sẽ tìmh của chúng tôi
02:39Để đến một bố
02:40sét tròng ¿La quanda?
02:41La quanda VENITA
02:42Locanda Venita, hãy subscribe cho kênh lalaschool Để không bỏ lỡ những video hấp dẫn
02:47Locanda Venita
02:49And CBS sẽ có thể phản thêm
02:52And you can have anything you like
02:54Including furniture or prostitutes
02:57Which of course are not available at
03:03Locanda Venita
03:04Yeah
03:05Well, I'm very happy for you
03:16I hope you enjoy Europe
03:17Here's a tip when you're in a European country
03:19Do you speak French?
03:20No
03:20Alright, here's the tip to get around France
03:22Pretend to speak French
03:24Just speak English with a French accent
03:26They love it
03:28Look, hello, I'm from Australia
03:32I'm sure you understand me now
03:37They'll be like
03:39Oh, welcome to our country
03:41Liberating geniuses
03:42We'll be right back
03:49It's hard to stay up
03:56It's been a long, long day
03:58And you've got the sandman at the door
04:01But hang on, leave the TV on
04:04And let's do it anyway
04:06It's okay
04:08You can always sleep through work tomorrow
04:11Hey, hey, hey
04:14Tomorrow's just your future yesterday
04:19The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
04:26Sponsored by Intermezzo
04:28Softed and tartric
04:29Talk to your doctor to learn more
04:31Ladies and gentlemen
04:36Craig Ferguson
04:38Goddamn
04:50Everyone, wow, look at this
04:58Go ahead
05:03Highly welcome
05:04Welcome to Les Hensers
05:06Can't afford it
05:06All right, thank you
05:12Thank you
05:13That's enough
05:14That's great
05:15Thanks
05:15Thank you
05:19Quietly now
05:21Quietly
05:22Let your applause die away
05:24Quiet naturally
05:25As if it were real
05:26And not coerced
05:27Proud of you
05:28I
05:29My eyes are always drawn
05:31To the person
05:31That's been dragged here
05:32Unwillingly
05:33You
05:35I see you, dude
05:36Yes, you
05:37Like the guy with the mohawk
05:39And the tattoos
05:40And he's like
05:41I'm like
05:45They made you wear a little pink bracelet as well
05:47Didn't they, dude
05:48Yes, they did
05:50Yes, they did
05:51That means you're mine
05:53It's a great day for America, everybody
05:57It's been a crazy day here in Southern California
06:082,000 pounds of marijuana washed up ashore on a local beach
06:12I got your attention now, haven't I?
06:142,000
06:16That's a sign we do
06:222,000 pounds of marijuana
06:25I'd like to commend the gentleman who found the bales of drugs
06:28Because he did the right thing
06:29He immediately called the Coast Guard
06:30And told them he'd just found 500 pounds of marijuana
06:33You see what I did?
06:38You see what I did?
06:38It was a joke involving drugs and mathematics
06:41You learn stuff and get high
06:45CBS cares
06:48No, they don't
06:50Hey, you know why I'm excited?
06:51It's the first day of spring
06:52Hurrah!
06:53What's going on over there?
07:02It still seems like it's winter in your stall
07:04Anyway, do we have a graphic for the first day of spring?
07:08We've got it
07:09Oh, yes!
07:18And then nothing says spring like me running through fields in my speedos
07:21I saw you checking out my parasol
07:25And that umbrella thing I was carrying too
07:28The first day of spring today is known as the vernal equinox
07:35Which means the amounts of day and night are equal split right down the middle
07:38Or as Fox News would call it, solar communism
07:41But the...
07:46Equinox, a very special equinox
07:49It only happens twice a year
07:50It's like a good night of ratings at NBC
07:53Ah!
07:55Meow!
07:56Meow!
07:57Yeah
07:57Hey, that's...
07:59Meow!
08:00Ooh, I like that
08:01You do it
08:01Meow!
08:04Yeah
08:04Vernal, of course, is the Latin word for spring
08:07It makes me glad we changed the name of it to...
08:09You know, the season to spring
08:10Spring sounds light and cheery
08:12Vernal sounds nasty
08:14It does
08:15It sounds like a disease
08:17You hook up with that girl last night?
08:19Yeah, she gave me vernal
08:21Vernal equinox occurred this morning at 6.02
08:29If you were awake for it
08:31And you're still awake watching this show now
08:32You're probably running a bit low on methamphetamine right about
08:35Why do I always see the dude that doesn't want to be here?
08:50I don't...
08:51Anyway, a lot of myths about the equinox
08:53Most have been debunked
08:54You cannot balance an egg on its side
08:56Water does not flow backwards
08:58Kim Kardashian will not appear to be larger than Khloe
09:01None of these things is true
09:02A Kardashian joke?
09:04Oh, yeah
09:04Late night TV?
09:09That's late night TV
09:10Late night TV?
09:12Yeah, yeah, yeah
09:13It was the English poet Alfred Lord Tennyson
09:18Who wrote
09:19In the spring a young man's fancy
09:21Lightly turns to thoughts of love
09:23And it's true
09:27Although the word fancy is a little outdated today
09:29I mean, these days if you hear a man use the word fancy
09:31He's probably looking for another man who uses the word fancy
09:34There's nothing wrong with that
09:40That's not...
09:41Hey, I'm not judging
09:42I'm just saying the word fancy
09:43Is used in certain areas of society
09:45And not in others
09:46I fancy that young methamphetamine user in our audience
09:51Tonight
09:52For legal reasons
09:57There's no evidence to support Jeff's supposition
10:00That that is a young gentleman that enjoys methamphetamine
10:02No, he dies
10:08Look, anyway
10:09It's spring in LA
10:10It's in full bloom
10:11The flowers are blooming
10:12The sundresses are out
10:13And Taylor Swift is gathering up new boyfriends
10:16To last her through the summer
10:17And even though it's warm here in LA
10:22People still have to wear layers
10:23Until their plastic surgery heals
10:24That's springtime allergies
10:28I really like it when I do that
10:33And I see it in the monitor
10:34I think, I'm definitely doing this
10:35Look at that
10:38Look, I mean, I could get on fashion police if I did this
10:41Your outfit is terrible
10:44It looks a bit like that David Bowie video
10:52Yeah, yeah
10:52Yeah, yeah
10:53Where are we now?
10:55Where are we now?
11:00Anyway, spring
11:00Spring cleaning is around the corner for a lot of people
11:02Donald Trump takes that rug off his head
11:04Gives it a good beating
11:05Sean Connery gives his chest hair a good shake
11:11Out you go, dust
11:13Down you go, small forest creatures
11:15Not you, Mr. Possum
11:18I'm hungry
11:19Here at CBS, though
11:24Spring also means March Madness
11:26Now, I love the name March Madness
11:27I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change it into March Madness
11:30To early spring psychosis with Dick Vitale
11:33March Madness means a time for everyone to fill out their bracket
11:39I did mine, of course
11:40A late night television bracket
11:42It's every year, you've got to fill it out
11:44Have you got the, there it is
11:45So, Leno, Fallon, Fallon Owen
11:47Carson Daly, Zombie, Pat Zajac
11:49Fallon versus Pat Zajac
11:51And then I thank Zombie Pat Zajac
11:53For the tonight show
11:54For the tonight show
11:55Oh man, I'm so glad I'm not part of that
12:05Are you glad you're not part of that?
12:07Yeah
12:08Oh man, all that
12:09I'm glad here at CBS
12:10Well, they don't know I'm here
12:12Nice, comfortable, safe and anonymous
12:15Instead of all that
12:16Who's going to...
12:17No
12:18Zombie Pat Zajac
12:21Robot skeleton, man
12:26Yeah, man
12:26It's just the same thing
12:28You just compared me to Pat Zajac?
12:31How dare you?
12:32How dare you
12:34How dare you sir
12:36How dare you sir
12:37I bid you adieu
12:40That's not how you bid someone adieu
12:46Oh yes, the basketball
12:48Bill Clinton, a big basketball fan
12:50His brackets never did well though
12:51Every year he picked Oregon State to win
12:54What can I say
13:00I just love watching the Beavers
13:02That's it, I'm done, I don't want to do anymore
13:14That's it then
13:14No that was good, you should go
13:16No it was not good, don't go too far
13:19Well I mean it was average
13:20Yeah
13:21My tie a bit long tonight
13:25Looks like if I was naked
13:29This tie would just
13:30Do you know that's why men wear ties
13:36And they have this little pointy bit here
13:38It is, that's how they originally wore them
13:40In the olden days
13:41Yes, it was to point at your genitals
13:43It's not like you'd walk into a room
13:45And people would go
13:45Is that a gentleman?
13:46You'd go
13:46Yes
13:47Look down there
13:47We'll take a break
13:51We'll be right back
13:52We'll be right back
13:53Welcome back everybody
14:12Welcome back to the big vernal equinox spectacular
14:14Where we're going crazy
14:15Out of control man
14:17Oh wow
14:17Is that the horse meant to be going crazy?
14:23Is that it?
14:27Knock it off
14:28Knock it off
14:30That doesn't look like you're going crazy
14:31This looks like you're stupid
14:32Hey, oh, oh
14:36Before you continue with the awe
14:38Let me remind you
14:39Not a real
14:40Ooh la la
14:40Horse
14:41Not a real horse
14:44It's still man
14:45Unbelievable man
14:50Unbelievable, isn't it?
14:52Did you hear that Australian girl at the start
14:54Seed to be your baby
14:55We're kind of scoffing
14:56But out there
14:58We want no scoffing
14:59The nerve
15:01The nerve
15:02Unbelievable
15:02Unbelievable
15:03Unbelievable
15:04Shocking
15:05What time is it, Jeffrey Pearson?
15:11It's tweet mail time
15:12Time to take advice from a man
15:13Who's currently sitting on
15:141,500 pounds of ganja
15:16All right, we'll do our own tweet and email
15:25Oh yeah
15:25Ready?
15:26All right
15:26Tweet and deal
15:28Where are we now?
15:36All right
15:37Tweet and emails
15:37This is from Denise in Spokane
15:40Is it Spokane or Spokane, Washington?
15:41It's called Spokane
15:42Spokane
15:42Because I say Spokane
15:43And the people in Spokane go crazy
15:45Yeah, they get very
15:46Oh man
15:47They're like traveling Australians
15:49You know the Australian girls
15:57The three sisters
15:58They're sitting in lesbian row
15:59But I think
16:00To be fair
16:01I think the word lesbian
16:02Means something else in Australia
16:03Do you know what's interesting?
16:09The lesbians in the southern hemisphere
16:12They go around in a different way
16:13Yeah
16:14Yeah
16:16Yeah
16:17Why?
16:17Why?
16:19Why?
16:19Yeah
16:19Yeah
16:20I got an awe there
16:26Like
16:27Aww
16:28Like there's nothing wrong with that
16:30This is a joke
16:31This is just factual information
16:32Factual information
16:33Oh
16:33Well what is it?
16:34Make up your mind
16:34Is it factual information or a joke?
16:36It's information
16:37Yeah, I think it is
16:41Yeah
16:41All right
16:41Denise in Spokane in Washington
16:43Says
16:43Dear Craig and Jeff
16:44My daughter thinks secretariat is hilarious
16:46And wants to bring him to her birthday party next weekend
16:49Is he available?
16:54Not at real
16:54I can have a horse
16:55Probably be able to put something similar together yourself
17:01At very little cost
17:03What?
17:06Don't deny it
17:07I know what you are
17:09You're a fake
17:09Like everyone else in this damn town
17:11Look at you
17:11Whoa
17:14Whoa
17:14Man
17:15What the hell?
17:16That horse is getting badass on me
17:19Oh
17:20Hey
17:21Hey
17:21Hey
17:22Oh yeah
17:23Wait
17:27Wait
17:27Wait
17:28Wait
17:29You people are so bereft of entertainment
17:37That you are trying to encourage a grown man to fight with not a real
17:42Uh oh
17:42Kick his ass man
17:58Kick his ass
17:59Get back there
18:01I'm a bit scared
18:04Yeah
18:04Oh god
18:10I'm gonna fire at least part of that horse
18:12Yeah
18:12This is from Carrie in Winston-Salem in North Carolina
18:16That's where
18:17That's where Duke is, isn't it?
18:19Duke
18:20The school Duke
18:20Duke, yeah
18:21Yeah, Duke I think is there in Winston-Salem, isn't it?
18:24You know what?
18:24I gotta ask you about the cause
18:25I didn't grow up in America
18:27Why is it that everyone hates Duke?
18:29I've never been to Duke
18:29I don't know any
18:30But people who are not at Duke
18:32Hate Duke
18:33It's very extreme
18:34Yeah
18:34People are like Duke
18:35Ah, hate Duke
18:36Ah
18:37That's very accurate, actually
18:39Yeah
18:39Well, you're an American
18:41Why do people hate Duke?
18:42I don't know
18:42I'm not actually from this country
18:45You surprised me, Jeff
18:49Where are you from?
18:49I was originally from Bulgaria
18:51Are you buying this?
18:58What the hell, man?
18:59Nah
19:00Me and the horse are now changed sides against you
19:02Yeah
19:02Well, you're both lucky I can't move, jackasses
19:05Hey, hey
19:08Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
19:09Before
19:10Before
19:12Everyone gets on the side of the tough-talking robot
19:15If you can't move
19:16How did you get here from cracking Bulgaria?
19:19I've got people
19:20Yeah
19:24That's right
19:24I've got a whole staff of people that move me around
19:27I don't want to read the last one
19:30I'm bored
19:30Let's have a
19:32You know what?
19:32I'm tired of all this aggression
19:33Let's go have a quiet moment
19:35And all become friends again
19:36Yeah, that's right
19:37All right
19:38We'll be right back
19:57Welcome back everybody, welcome back
20:14My first guest tonight is an extremely talented actor
20:16His latest film, Olympus Has Fallen
20:18Is in theatres on Friday
20:20Take a look at this
20:20Mr. President
20:24We have confirmation that the book is down, sir
20:29Thank you, Jones
20:30Activate Complan 1
20:34I want open lines to the Pentagon, Homeland Security, and NSA
20:38Charlie
20:40Coordinate with the Air Force and FAA
20:42Find out if that's a lone aircraft
20:44Yes, sir
20:44Holy cracker, did you see that?
20:47Mm-hmm
20:48Yeah
20:48How did that go, everybody?
20:50How did that go?
20:51Hey, Aaron
21:13You got some help, did you?
21:14Got some people with me
21:16Yeah, you got some people
21:17Yeah, because the last time you were here
21:19Jeff wasn't here
21:20The horse wasn't here
21:21One time I was on a plane
21:22And a guy came up to me
21:23And he said, hello
21:24Love your work
21:25And then he said, you look shorter
21:27Than you do on TV
21:28And I want to say that about Jeff
21:31Yeah, no, Jeff is
21:32Thanks, man
21:34Sorry, Jeff
21:35I was offended when he said it to me
21:36So I can't imagine how you're feeling right now
21:38No, no, no, it's fine
21:39It's fine
21:39Yeah, your head's nice and big
21:41But your suit's too large for you
21:43Whoa, hey
21:46Come on, man
21:47He's a little tense already
21:48I mean, there's been a lot of testosterone
21:50Flying around the set
21:51Yeah, he looks like he's dead
21:53Well, I think that's a fair assessment
21:56That's the point
21:56I can't believe a guy came up to you
21:58And said that to you
21:58Yeah, yeah, yeah
21:59And thought that he paid me a compliment
22:01At the same time
22:01Well, I know
22:02But you know when people say to me
22:03You look taller
22:04Yeah
22:05And I'm like, what size is your TV?
22:07How can you tell someone's taller?
22:09Stupid
22:10No, but that's par for the course
22:12Really?
22:14That's par for the horse
22:15Par for the horse?
22:16I think of you
22:17You're an outdoorsy gentleman
22:18Do you have horses?
22:19No, I'm getting horses
22:21Really?
22:21Yeah
22:22When?
22:22I don't know
22:23I can get one for you right now
22:24But I want a horse that's about 30
22:27And then he can't walk
22:28And you know
22:29When I try to get on him
22:30I got this one right here
22:32Yeah
22:33Let me look at him
22:35Open your mouth
22:35He can't
22:39I'm not sure about him
22:41Yeah, yeah
22:41Are you seriously taking up horse riding?
22:44No, I'm not
22:45I just want horses
22:46So when I go past my property
22:47I can see him
22:48I say, that looks pretty
22:49And they eat the grass
22:50Well, you would get a sheep for that
22:52Yeah, I could get sheep
22:53Yeah, I mean, how big's your property?
22:56Large
22:56All right
22:56So you want a couple of sheep
22:57A horse
22:58I want a donkey
22:59I want sheep
23:00I want a couple of horses
23:01Some mules
23:02And I already have some cows
23:03And then I, you know
23:04What's happening to you, man?
23:05You've
23:05You've gone Hollywood
23:08Yeah, just right up here
23:11Yeah, yeah, yeah
23:12I live on Coldwater Canyon
23:14Oh, you do?
23:14Yeah
23:14That's good information
23:16For the stalkers out there
23:17Good
23:19Because you know
23:20Crazy can't sleep
23:21That's true
23:26What's he like?
23:27The movie looks sensational
23:28Yeah, it looks all right
23:29Yeah
23:30Oh, all right
23:31All right
23:31Is that what it is?
23:32No, it looks good
23:33And it's
23:33Everybody's digging it
23:34And I play the President of the United States
23:36That's good
23:37You're too young for that role
23:38What's going on?
23:39No, not really
23:40I just turned 45
23:41That's too young
23:42The President's got to be at least
23:44What was Obama?
23:4548?
23:46When are you going to end?
23:46Yeah, but he's been in for
23:47Yeah
23:48Well, I don't know, man
23:50In order to exactly calculate his age
23:54I'd need his birth certificate
23:55Yeah, and you
23:56And you'd need some methamphetamines
24:00No, no
24:01You're a clean-living gentleman, aren't you?
24:05Yeah, I am, actually
24:06I am
24:07Except for your horse
24:07Big fixation
24:08Well, I get up early to feed the animals
24:11And I go to bed late
24:13So I go to bed with the sun
24:14And I get up with the sun
24:15You know
24:16Or the moon
24:17What the hell, man?
24:20You're kind of like a Ralph Lauren commercial or something
24:23What's going on?
24:26It's like
24:26Everything is aesthetically pleasing about you
24:30You're handsome
24:31Although a little shorter than you appear in TV
24:33You got the stuff
24:35I mean, it's amazing
24:36Yes, isn't it?
24:38You get a lot of attention from the ladies
24:40Yeah, I just need that
24:41You know
24:41The right
24:42Yeah
24:42What does she look like?
24:45What does she look like?
24:47Oh, you tell me
24:48You tell me
24:49Oh, hey
24:50Now you tell me
24:51Now we're going
24:52You tell me
24:54Man, there's something in the war here today
25:00Put it away
25:02Put it away
25:03Everybody just calm down
25:04Calm down, everybody
25:05It's not worth it
25:07You know
25:09I come here on this show
25:11You know what I'm saying?
25:12They're supposed to, you know
25:13Be nice to you
25:14And
25:14Yeah
25:16I know, man
25:18I'm sorry
25:18I know you have a reputation
25:20So
25:20Oh, I have a reputation
25:22You have a reputation
25:25Well, you tell me
25:26What does she look like?
25:27No, no, you tell me
25:27All right
25:28I think she's
25:29I think she's in her mid-thirties
25:31She has sandy
25:32Coloured hair
25:33And
25:34Is a recent convert
25:36To
25:37An obscure
25:38Eastern religion
25:40Okay
25:40And
25:41Has
25:42Not
25:43Stop
25:44But
25:44Sort of a
25:45Weird halitosis
25:47No
25:48No, that's not her
25:49Oh, it's not?
25:50No, that's her sister
25:51Well, you tell me
25:51What you think
25:51She looks like
25:52No
25:52Well, you know
25:54You had some of it right
25:55You had two out of three right
25:56All right
25:57So you're attracted to women
25:58With halitosis
25:59Yeah
25:59That's a requirement
26:01Right
26:02And extremely small hands
26:03And large feet
26:04No, especially
26:06Yeah
26:06Yeah
26:07Why?
26:07I just like it
26:08You know
26:09Do you hang around
26:11Carnes a lot?
26:13You like really
26:14Really small hands?
26:15Yeah, real small
26:16Oh
26:18I get it
26:19Yeah
26:19It's the
26:25It's the
26:27White Castle burger effect
26:29Right?
26:29Yeah
26:29So you hold up
26:31The White Castle
26:31And you go
26:32Hey, hey
26:32Who's the whopper now, bitch
26:34Yeah
26:34Good times
26:40Good times
26:40So
26:42But how
26:43If you're going to have a woman
26:44With a tiny little hand
26:45She's going to be no use
26:45In the farm
26:46With all the animals
26:47You need somebody
26:47With big hands
26:48No, you need somebody
26:49With supple
26:49You know
26:50A good
26:50Nice sensitive hand
26:51So that
26:51You know
26:52Really
26:52For milking
26:53Yeah
26:53Yeah
26:59Why blue eye shadow
27:05Do you change that up
27:06Or
27:06You know
27:08Makes his eyes bump
27:09I don't know
27:09I mean
27:11You know
27:11What other colors
27:12Do you suggest
27:12Well, I mean
27:13It's a horse
27:14Yeah, but it's also America
27:17Relax
27:18You know
27:20Horse can do what it wants
27:21We'll take a break
27:26We'll be right back
27:27Welcome back
27:33Welcome back
27:33I'm here with Arne Eckhart
27:35Whose new movie
27:36Olympus Has Fallen
27:37Yeah, that's the White House
27:39Olympus is the White House
27:40And it's fallen
27:41The terrorists have come in
27:42They've taken the president hostage
27:44And now
27:45Jerry Butler
27:46Jerry Butler?
27:47America's
27:48What?
27:49Say it
27:50Scotsman
27:50Yeah
27:51Is he Scottish in the movie?
27:54No, he's American
27:55But he's Scottish in real life
27:56I knew that
27:57I knew Jerry Butler
27:58Okay
27:58But I didn't know
28:00Because he always spoke
28:01In an American accent
28:02And so I didn't know
28:03And then confusing
28:04And
28:04But he comes and saves me
28:06He's a Secret Service gentleman
28:07And he comes and saves me
28:09And he's a
28:09He's a
28:10He's a good guy
28:10He's badass, Jerry
28:11Yeah, he's a badass
28:12What's that coming to go?
28:14Whoa
28:14Hey
28:14Hey
28:15Hey
28:15No, serious
28:16I wouldn't say it
28:16If it wasn't true
28:17Yeah, well
28:18Yeah
28:18Yeah, you would
28:19You're an actor
28:19You know
28:20So
28:20Actors say a lot of things
28:22That aren't true
28:22It's their job, man
28:23And but like
28:23For example
28:24You're not really
28:25The President of the United States
28:26But in this movie
28:26You are
28:27You see what I'm saying?
28:28That's make-believe
28:29Now explain that to me
28:32One more time
28:32Well, here's the thing
28:33You know
28:33Like
28:33I'll take it
28:34Let's not make it you
28:35We'll make it Anthony Hopkins
28:36Right?
28:36Anthony Hopkins
28:37Yeah, he's Hannibal
28:38In real life
28:38He doesn't really eat people
28:39He's crazy
28:39No, no, no
28:40He's crazy
28:40He's a perfectly nice guy
28:41Actually, I think a vegetarian
28:43So
28:43No, well
28:44Because he eats fava beans
28:46Yes
28:47That's all
28:47Anyway
28:48Ay caramba
28:49Ay caramba
28:50Can I get a word in edgewise here?
28:54No, no, no
28:54Seriously
28:55No
28:55No, you freaked me out
28:57When you did that fight thing
28:58You're smelling your finger again
29:02Every time you come here
29:04I'm leaving
29:07No, no
29:07Come on
29:08I heard I'm in the highlight reel
29:10You are in the highlight reel
29:11I heard I'm in the highlight reel
29:12For smelling my finger
29:13Before the show starts
29:14We show the audience
29:15I told you about my friend, Mike
29:16Who used to smell his finger in class
29:18Yeah
29:19Yeah
29:19And then we put it in the highlight reel
29:21Of you smelling your finger
29:24And everyone was like
29:25Aaron Eckhart smells his own finger
29:26I always wonder
29:26Why would he smell his finger?
29:28And it's like methamphetamines
29:30Because it makes you
29:31He would always do it in math class
29:33You know
29:33So he would always have the finger here
29:35And be thinking and concentrating
29:37I think he liked his aroma
29:39His own aroma
29:41I just
29:42I'm making the connection with methamphetamine though
29:44Well, because you said you were on meth
29:46Or marijuana
29:47And then you did the
29:48You added up a figure before
29:50Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
29:54Let's cut that part
29:55Yeah
29:55Well, okay
30:00You gotta keep talking then
30:01To fill in the space
30:02I like the lulz
30:05Yeah
30:05Oh, my God
30:06What?
30:07Just smell my finger, man
30:08Relax
30:08What does it smell like?
30:11It's kind of like biscuits
30:12Can I
30:18Like, if I was to
30:19Like, go
30:19All right
30:20I'm gonna have to check
30:21I need to smell your finger
30:23What would your finger smell like?
30:26It would smell like pumpkin pie
30:28Why?
30:35I don't know
30:35I don't
30:36Say why
30:37Why?
30:41How did that go, everybody?
30:42We got here
30:42Welcome back, baby
30:56Welcome back
30:57Bye
30:59My next guest is a very talented country artist
31:01Currently starring on Dancing with the Stars
31:03Take a look at this
31:03Holy Crackers
31:33Kelly Fitzpatrick, everybody
31:34Kelly Fitzpatrick
31:35Hey, Kelly
31:39Hi
31:40You look great
31:58I love your
31:58Thank you, darling
31:59It's a super foxy dress
32:00I like your snake
32:01That one
32:02I have a snake
32:05You have a snake tattoo?
32:07No, uh, really
32:08You have an actual snake?
32:09Yeah, a ball python
32:10A what ball ball?
32:12A python
32:12Oh, a python
32:13Sorry, it's your accent
32:14Mom
32:15Welcome to America
32:17Yeah, I know
32:18Everybody's got an accent
32:19You look great, though
32:20Yeah, you having a good time
32:21On Dancing with the Stars?
32:22I love it
32:22I'm having a blast
32:23And what kind of dance was that?
32:25Is that a foxy truck?
32:26Cha-cha
32:26Cha-cha
32:27Cha-cha
32:27Did you dance before that?
32:30I cheered in high school
32:32Yes
32:32And I took a few dance classes in high school
32:35So you're a professional dancer?
32:37No
32:37Yeah
32:37A little bit
32:39No, I've never ballroom danced in my life
32:40That's really hard, though, what you were doing there
32:43That's really
32:43I know
32:44It's kind of
32:45It's very hard
32:46It's kind of sexy, though
32:47Do you get
32:47When you were dancing
32:48Do you get kind of like
32:49You know, it's so crazy
32:57Look at the horse
32:59I dance
32:59Look at you
33:02Poor thing
33:02Where's its arms?
33:03I mean, I know horses ain't got arms
33:05It's a horse
33:05Legs
33:06Y'all know what I mean
33:08Yeah
33:10Thank you for having me
33:11Oh, thanks for smacking me on the knee
33:13Like there, like that
33:14That's catnip for the ladies right there
33:17I point it right at them
33:19And they're like
33:19I see you have a little ink here
33:23I like that
33:23I do
33:24Yeah
33:24I have a little myself
33:25Oh, you do?
33:27Up here and around here
33:28And various other places
33:30Oh
33:31Where the sun don't shine
33:33I'm Scottish
33:37The sun doesn't shine on me
33:39That's not a good look
33:42The sun
33:42If I go
33:43It's kind of like
33:44If Dracula goes in the sun
33:45Same effect
33:46I really am so
33:50I'm translucent
33:51Honestly, like
33:52With Dancing with the Stars
33:54Before you go out
33:55They spray tan you
33:56So you stand there like a car
33:58Not that a car stand
33:59But like you
34:00You stand there
34:01And they like spray you down
34:04Are you naked when they're doing this?
34:06Maybe
34:06Are you sure these people work with Dancing with the Stars?
34:11But they spray all of us
34:14Because if I didn't have a spray tan
34:16My dance partner would look like he was dancing by himself
34:20I'm like see through
34:21I'm like trans
34:22I'm so pale
34:23Are you wearing spray tan now then?
34:25Well you can't like scrub it off overnight
34:27It just kind of has to flake off
34:30It's a gross down the name of it
34:32But it does
34:32If you've ever
34:33You ain't never had a spray tan
34:34You need to come to Dancing with the Stars
34:36Yes I do
34:37We'll give you a spray tan
34:39I'd like a spray tan
34:40I wouldn't do the show
34:41I can't do that
34:42Oh you have to?
34:43No I can't
34:43Well we'll do it like
34:45You don't have to do it on camera
34:46But just
34:47We'll just come over for a dance?
34:49Yeah
34:49Are you saying come over to my place
34:51And I'll spray you with tan
34:52And we'll dance?
34:54Because I'm coming
34:56I am definitely going to do it
34:57Alright it's the date
34:58Now have you been out on the US
35:00I know you do a lot of USO tours
35:02Have you done a lot recently?
35:02I do
35:02I work a lot with the USO
35:04I love the USO
35:05I've been with them too
35:05Just amazing people
35:07Yeah
35:07And you know
35:08I come from a military family
35:09Right
35:10So I've always had a great deal of respect
35:12For anyone who serves
35:14But having been
35:15Where have you been?
35:16Oh we've been all over the place
35:17We've been to
35:18Our last trip
35:19We were in Afghanistan
35:21Hi
35:21Germany
35:23Germany
35:24Germany's a lot of fun
35:25Yeah
35:25Afghanistan
35:26Kyrgyzstan
35:28I think I said
35:29Yeah they don't
35:30They didn't care for me too much
35:31Where?
35:32No
35:32They
35:33Kyrgyzstan?
35:34No we went to
35:35I think it's Kyrgyzstan
35:36I'm geographically
35:37I had a couple jacks
35:40Before I came out
35:41Sorry
35:41No
35:42It's liquor
35:44Yeah
35:45It's alright
35:47It's like spray tan for your insides
35:49Exactly
35:50Fingo
35:51Where are you from originally?
35:52That's a lovely accent
35:53I'm from east of Charlotte
35:55Okay
35:55Did you ever go to that NASCAR track in Charlotte?
35:57Oh yeah
35:57Oh wow
35:58Absolutely
35:59You can take a lesson there
36:00NASCAR is a religion where I'm from
36:02Yeah you can't talk about religion on CBS
36:03But the
36:04But the
36:07I took a lesson at that track in Charlotte
36:10You did?
36:11Yeah
36:11On the racing?
36:12Yeah they used to have a racing school
36:13And I went
36:14And I went round to the bank track
36:15And how'd that work out for you?
36:16I fainted
36:17You did?
36:18Yeah
36:18Did you crash into the wall?
36:20No it was someone else's driving
36:21He said
36:21Oh thank god
36:22He said
36:22Because it was like the first time he said
36:24Nah
36:24He said
36:25Your accent's like yours
36:26He said
36:26I don't have an accent
36:27You have the accent
36:28Right
36:29His accent was not like mine
36:30And he said
36:31He said
36:32Orderly
36:33Ding dong
36:33It's going to be around there
36:35And
36:36And then
36:38And I
36:42I didn't know what he said
36:42So what it was
36:44Was
36:44He said
36:44The acceleration is
36:46Quite a lot
36:47If you're not used to it
36:47So it might
36:48Have an effect on you
36:49The first time
36:50So he let it go
36:51And I went
36:52Hey you know what I did
36:55And I about fainted
37:00Last year
37:01In a car?
37:02No
37:03No
37:03I flew at the Blue Angels
37:06Oh that I would faint
37:07Yeah
37:07Unbelievable
37:08Yeah
37:09The biggest adrenaline rush ever
37:12It was so cool
37:13What I did was
37:14I tweeted
37:14That
37:15Two things I have to
37:17Why are you looking at me like that?
37:20Sorry I just smelt my finger
37:21When I was
37:21No I'm concerned for you
37:24Just keep your finger over there
37:25You say that now
37:28I tweeted
37:28I tweeted
37:30That
37:31Two things I have to
37:33Mark off my bucket list
37:34Is
37:35I have to fly
37:36With the Blue Angels
37:37And I want to jump
37:38With the Golden Knights
37:38And have you jumped
37:39With the Golden Knights?
37:40Not yet
37:40You want to do it with me?
37:42No
37:42I have my pilot's license
37:45Are you scared of heights?
37:46No I'm not scared of heights
37:47I'm scared of jumping out
37:48Of a pair of good airplanes
37:49With a piece of silk
37:49That's not
37:50That's not a large handkerchief
37:53Above your head
37:54Well you know
37:55You kind of
37:56Have a strap on
37:57Like with the
37:57Oh I'm not afraid
37:58To have a strap on
37:59But I
37:59You're strapped on
38:03To someone
38:03That's professional
38:04You know what I mean?
38:07Like
38:07See
38:08The horse will do it
38:09Will you go
38:10Jump with the Golden Knights
38:11With me?
38:12Perfect
38:12Yeah yeah
38:12Alright
38:12On you go then
38:14How are you going
38:14To manage that?
38:15You're going to be
38:16Strapped to a professional?
38:19Listen
38:20Like a saddle
38:21We're out of time
38:22We're out of time
38:23But I'm not done talking
38:24Okay
38:28I have to leave
38:30When you go
38:30Just turn out the lights
38:32And
38:33I haven't got to talk
38:35To Jeff yet
38:36Hey baby
38:36Hey I'll go skydiving
38:38With you
38:38I did it
38:38Once
38:39Alright
38:43It's the date
38:43Alright girl
38:44Kelly Pickler
38:45Everybody
38:46Thank you
38:46Thank you
38:46Thank you
38:46Thank you
38:47Thank you