- 6/24/2025
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TVTranscript
00:00Ave Maria, Jungfrau Wild,
00:17er höre eine Jungfrau Fehrung aus diesem Felsenstaunt.
00:32She is risen.
00:33Olivia! Shared bathroom!
00:36It's all over social media.
00:55Did you not think to check the advert before it went up?
00:58No.
00:59How am I supposed to do an accurate stop check of the mushrooms
01:02when there's new ones growing on the old ones?
01:04I'm a bit busy to focus on fungus, Linda.
01:07I've got a car park full of activists planning an all-night protest.
01:13On the bright side, Simon, that was definitely one of our tomatoes.
01:16I can tell it had a real pellix quality to it.
01:19Stop it.
01:20I thought I was saving the company money, you know?
01:22One billboard, two products.
01:25Ladies' razors and condoms side by side, legs so smooth
01:29you're going to need protection.
01:31Just, it's clever, it's clever.
01:33At its heart, it's clever.
01:36It says, lady boys, get out.
01:38Oh!
01:39Oh, no!
01:41This is a bloody nightmare.
01:43I fully support transgender people, alright?
01:49I just, I just, I want that out there.
01:52Er, my mum, she, she dressed me like a little girl till I was five or six, so...
01:59I get it?
02:00You know?
02:01I get it?
02:02Don't.
02:03OK, this can be recovered.
02:04Erm, what's the quickest way to show we're a fully inclusive workplace?
02:08What are you feeling, though?
02:10Don't know.
02:11Nothing.
02:12You ain't got nothing?
02:13Er, I work it.
02:14Oh, my God.
02:15Erm, ah, right, erm, does anyone know any transgenders?
02:19I'll look it up.
02:20Erm, transgender woman in my area.
02:23Oh, I was not expecting that.
02:26Can you see?
02:27Erm...
02:28No, no, I'm...
02:36Ah...
02:38Mmm...
02:40Of course.
02:43Yeah, but I'm just saying, most women sit down till we.
02:53Most women have no comeback to an unsolicited dick pic.
02:56At least I can aggressively reciprocate.
02:58Look, can you please tidy up after yourself?
03:00I haven't got time to re-stack shelves.
03:02We've got to get to work to re-stack shelves.
03:05And there's no way you're destroying the blood chimera on your own.
03:08So call in sick and help me.
03:10Well, I'm not sick.
03:11Well, I've seen your anime collection, Agree to Disagree.
03:14All I'm saying, Thomas, is it feels like you don't want to hang out with me anymore.
03:18Liv, I work nights.
03:20It's not my fault you choose to start your day at 9pm.
03:23Unless, of course, you've confused being transgender with Transylvanian.
03:26Anyway, what's the point of you dolling yourself up every day just to sit on your arse?
03:31Get out, meet people.
03:32Thomas, why would I want to leave this flat when all of my favourite people are right here?
03:36Well, look, seeing as you are up,
03:39it's now officially three months.
03:41I thought it would be a good time to pick up that conversation about you contributing to rent.
03:46Timothy, I would love to contribute. I really would.
03:50I'm not going to do that, though, and I'm going to tell you why.
03:52That's because I have very recently decided that I am in fact saving up for the old gender realignment surgery.
03:58I thought you didn't want a vagina. You said you were scared of a bee flying up in it.
04:02Oh, who are you? My gynaecologist.
04:04It sounds like you are accusing a transgender woman of lying about her desire to acquire a clunge
04:08just to get out of paying the rent. That's definitely not what's happening.
04:11Well, how are you going to pay for the surgery without a job?
04:13Oh, I'll just get a job. Shall I?
04:15I'll just go get myself a job. That's the most normal thing in the world.
04:18Thomas, if someone wants to call up and give me a job, then I will take that job.
04:20But that is never going to happen. Yeah. Right, I'm off. How do I look?
04:28Like the Milky Bar kid. After a long, drawn-out battle with...
04:36Heroine.
04:50Oh, my God. I can't believe you missed me so much.
04:56Liv, grab one of my uniforms and get changed. There's no time to explain.
05:05Yes, there is.
05:06Oh, for God's sake. Fine.
05:07You are now a proud member of the Pellocks Supermarket Night Shift.
05:11And I, pause for dramatic effect,
05:15am your new supervisor.
05:17Go, go, go, go, go.
05:21Go, go, go.
05:24La, la, la, la, la.
05:25La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
05:28La, la, la, la, la, la.
05:29It sounds like cha-ching.
05:32When I walk in, boom, bang, let my money do.
05:35All of the talking is cheap.
05:37So I think before you speak.
05:39Cause you can't even afford it.
05:40All I ever need, I'll never want.
05:42Full of sleep in the sky, woke up in New York.
05:44Raw street, cut a verb, and then b 기자.
05:46Welcome to the night shift.
05:58While the customer snores, we sweep up the floors.
06:03Okay.
06:04A little motto, isn't it?
06:05Yeah, something.
06:06A credo, a ditty.
06:07I don't know what you want to call it.
06:08You wrote it.
06:09It's fun, isn't it?
06:10It's just a fun.
06:11I have fun.
06:12We have fun.
06:15Welcome to the ship.
06:16Now, listen, going forward, do you prefer Olivia or Liv?
06:22I think I would prefer to be at home,
06:25pleasuring myself to a VHS of the 1998 musical Cats.
06:30Now, Thomas tells me that you are saving up for gender reassignment surgery.
06:38Tell us something about that.
06:39Am I?
06:41I am.
06:42Yeah.
06:43No, you're right, I am.
06:44Can't wait.
06:45It's going to be great.
06:47Okay.
06:48Now, tell me.
06:49I mean, you don't have to, but is that the carrot or the tatties?
06:59Anything?
07:02Oh, great.
07:04It's going to be a bit of a bit of a misunderstanding, but rest assured, we here at Pellix are a fully inclusive workforce.
07:18Hitler!
07:19We want trans rights!
07:19We want trans rights now!
07:24Come out here, you Pellix!
07:25We want you to be as loud and as proud as you like.
07:31we want you to be as loud and as proud as you like and to that end perhaps you'd like to put
07:48something up on your socials about how proud you are to be part of the pellets rainbow hashtag we
07:54are pellets hashtag competent management something like that and of course if there's anything we can
08:00do to make your time here at pellets even more inclusive my door is always open to you and
08:06and that is because i've i lost my key i don't want to shut it so i'm glad you mentioned inclusivity
08:16there simon because um well i don't know about you millie but i like you i like you too okay i like
08:22you am a woman and as a woman i noticed a lot of phallic produce on the way into the store this
08:30evening your bananas your bratwursts your aubergines i mean simon come on what are we doing here
08:35i've become completely lost well you know as a trans-gentrified individual i was born with a
08:45penis that i didn't ask for do you really think a woman like me wants to be reminded of that all
08:50bloody night long no i don't hmm okay so what i think you're saying is i should remove everything
09:00from the store that looks like a penis man's a genius yes yes i am miss pussy
09:07liv as your supervisor i forbid you to quit on the first night i simply forbid it oh stand back
09:15everyone he's got a little plastic name badge tom why didn't you tell me i was a prop the only
09:20reason they're offering me this job is because they're obviously going through some sort of pr shit
09:24storm simon wants to wheel me out like a prized transgender ham look just give it a chance okay
09:3065 weeks from now when you've saved up for your grs you can shove your shiny new vagina in my face
09:35that came out wrong what you said to simon about the male-dominated workspace was so inspiring
09:43i look up to you so much okay probably gonna leave that one alone
09:47uh liv this is millie you two have already met obviously um linda olivia so you're a woman
09:55you should see me park her car linda olivia is just as hard-working responsible and deserving to
10:01be here as anyone else no no i've already had my hours cut this month and now i've got to make room
10:07for you i'm sick of you lot shoving your pc-ness down our throats well it's pronounced penis but
10:13she's got a point thomas i mean how much more bloody diverse does this place want to be
10:16we look like the setup to a joke that would get you uninvited to christmas dinner
10:23sorry ladies i just need to quickly go and live please i'm asking you as a friend
10:30simon's my boss and this is an opportunity to impress him plus you said if you got offered a job you'd take
10:36it please don't quit fine thank you i can't help if i get fired wait what why would you get fired
10:47spoken like a man with zero imagination if you won't get fired if you follow the rules
10:54olivia look me in the eye and promise me you're going to follow the rules
11:02let the games begin
11:17rule one employees are encouraged to be proactive when it comes to replenishing stock
11:47rule 21 staff doors must remain closed at all times
12:07if you see something obstructing an aisle remove it immediately oh would you look at that
12:11a for effort live but you're in my world now and i've got eyes in the back of my head
12:22oh you're sucking all the fun out of this game what game at what point did i get hold that thought
12:27you weren't thinking about throwing these all away were you no god no no no no what uh what would you
12:41suggest we do with them well i mean it's not enough to simply throw all the phalluses away simon you
12:46must publicly destroy them in front of the naysayers prove to the world how pellix feels about transgender
12:52women to think i was going to donate all this to a homeless shelter like an idiot while i've got
12:58you there are some bath bombs in the toiletry section that look an awful lot like testicles
13:02i'm so sorry beefy change the plan come on will you make up my bloody mind
13:09you're saying at what point did i give you the impression that your employment here is a life-size
13:14game of mouse trap when you told me i couldn't get fired if i followed the rules excellent premise
13:19challenge accepted why are you so annoyed by the situation because i didn't even want you here
13:23this is where i come to escape your insanity but pellix needed a transgender woman and lo and behold
13:28there's one moochin on my sofa this is a job olivia
13:49oh for fuck's sake guys got people please if you just watch the demonstration i wish to make
14:01pellet's position on transgender women very clear
14:07very clear
14:20huh
14:33people's friends i don't know i'm trying to be inclusive just okay
14:47i don't know what you want i don't know
14:59come on
15:01oh
15:15oh
15:17no
15:19oh
15:21no
15:23no
15:25oh
15:35so you you're settling in all right
15:41good
15:43you know that little stunt you pulled with a fire alarm it's it's it's a sackable offense i know right
15:49it's like knock knock who's there being responsible not today thanks very much
15:54enough enough all right um
15:58i'm really sorry to have to say this but i'm afraid you're fired thomas
16:02thomas
16:04thomas what yeah what well you are live's supervisor simon i
16:10let me tell you what i think is going on here you've got yourself a vag load of bloodthirsty trans
16:24rights activists on your doorstep and no matter what i do the last thing you can
16:29do right now is fire a transgender employee but here's the thing the only thing worse than firing me
16:35would be if i quit amidst i don't know accusations of a discriminatory work environment
16:41you wouldn't do that to me
16:47tom stays or i quit loudly and proudly
16:53oh
17:12live you in there
17:14yes thomas despite the objections of the right-wing press i am in fact in the ladies bathroom
17:19wow look i'm you didn't need to do that for me and obviously that is just a saying you definitely
17:29did morally ethically entirely your fault but still thanks uh and i understand if you want to leave i
17:39do but it's important for you to know that i'd like i'd like for you to stay thomas why would i leave
17:49this is the most fun i've had in months apparently i can do anything i like i'm never gonna get fired
17:54the buffet is amazing again not a buffet those are products uh i think you're probably
17:59misunderstanding what i mean by stocktake plus you know all my favorite people are here
18:10yeah
18:13the protesters are breaching the building i repeat the protesters are breaching the building
18:20do you want to sort it out yeah yeah all right fine yeah cool sorted
18:28i'll stay here linger in the women's toilet i probably shouldn't linger in the women's toilet i'll
18:33hold hard to me my x-men
18:42not today
18:44don't repeat it
18:45look back
18:47please be reasonable i fully support the transgender community sometimes i even pop a bit of chamomile into
18:55my own bar it's true i've seen him do it what what it was
19:09when i told my dad i was becoming a woman he looked me up and down and he said
19:14that i could never pull it off
19:19i said i'd probably get a doctor to do that bit father i imagine it's quite a complicated procedure
19:24everybody's got opinions
19:29but opinions are like assholes
19:32worth exploring
19:40pelix may have shat the bed but it's time we cleaned up our mess
19:44i made a change and if you'll give us a chance pelix can change too
19:52for the better
20:05our new transgender employee olivia everyone i i'd say give her a big hand but i think she's
20:19already got two am i right
20:38and starting tonight we're launching our very own in-store fundraiser to help pay for olivia's
20:44gender reassignment surgery come again so join us in saying goodbye to her
20:49unwanted penis and hello to a brighter future together
20:56what the fuck is that
21:19and
21:20i don't know
21:24i don't know
21:28i don't know
21:30i don't know
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